(“We’re not angry with you, Ryan. We’re just disappointed.” Photo via Getty.)
Since ReX was finally able to unearth the Potato Index Supercomputer from his “Rave Cave” last week — which, FYI, is just a storage bin packed to the brim with CP t-shirts, used glowsticks, regifted blenders and vintage German porno mags — we figured we might as well continue running with this outdated piece of technology for the sake of nostalgia. For CagePotato readers, if anything, are a nostalgic bunch. Stubbornly trapped in the past and all but refusing to accept change you might even go as far as to say, but I digress. In any case, here are the numbers the CP Supercomputer was able to churn out based on the results of UFC 164 and Fight Night 28.
Two promotions. Two title fights. Two clear cut victories. Not only did Pettis earn an eternal place in Ben Henderson’s nightmares with one kick during their first encounter, but now he done went and submitted him inside of 5 minutes in their second. Lock up your daughters, lock up your wife, lock up your back door and run for your life. “Showtime” is back in town and he don’t mess around.
Our decision to only liveblog the UFC Fight Night 28 matches that we cared about turned out to be a wise choice. Though last night’s supporting card had its moments — particularly Piotr Hallmann’s comeback submission win over Francisco Trinaldo, and the Fight of the Night-winning battle between Rafael Natal and Tor Troeng — the UFC’s latest trip to Belo Horizonte didn’t turn into a terrifying orgy of violence until the last three bouts, which all ended the exact same way: A stiff knockdown, some nasty ground-and-pound, and an impressive first-round TKO for the favorite. Let’s start at the top and work our way down.
Of the three first-round maulings on the main card, only Glover Teixeira faced real adversity on his way to victory. During his main event fight against Ryan Bader, the Brazilian light-heavyweight phenom had to collect his bearings after getting wobbled in a striking exchange. Bader smelled blood and tried to go in for the kill, but his aggression turned out to be his undoing. As Bader swarmed with punches, Teixeira tucked his chin and landed a cross/hook combo that sent Bader to the mat. Teixeira followed with shots from above, and that’s all it took to secure his 20th consecutive victory (!) and a $50,000 Knockout of the Night bonus.
After the fight, it was confirmed that Teixeira (now 5-0 in the UFC) would receive the next light-heavyweight title shot against the winner of Jon Jones vs. Aexander Gustafsson at UFC 165 later this month. His performance last night might not have impressed everyone — rumor has it that Teixeira was recovering from a bad weight cut — but anybody with that kind of power and resilience is always a threat.
The second-biggest story of night had to be Ronaldo Souza‘s official arrival as an elite UFC middleweight. Since his Strikeforce title-fight loss to Luke Ruckhold two years ago, “Jacare” has sliced through lower-level competition (Bristol Marunde, Derek Brunson, Ed Herman, Chris Camozzi) with relative ease. Finally, he got a chance to prove himself against a longtime UFC contender, and he rose to the occasion, crushing Yushin Okami with an overhand right midway through the first round. Yes, Ronaldo Souza has “fallen in love with his hands,” so to speak. But unlike other jiu-jitsu aces like Demian Maia who have tried to re-invent themselves as strikers, Souza hasn’t looked the least bit uncomfortable turning his recent bouts into kickboxing matches. He’s as natural at striking as he is at grappling, and that’s a terrifying thought for the rest of the UFC’s 185-pounders. Jacare has chewed his way to the top of the middleweight food chain, and the possibilities in front of him are endless.
(Dana White isn’t there. Joe Rogan isn’t there. Arianny and Brittney aren’t there. But if you’re the Veteran Voice of the Octagon, you grab a polo shirt out of the hamper and show the hell up. It’s called integrity, okay? Hippofan knows what I’m talking about. / Photo via MMAJunkie)
Live round-by-round results for those fights will be located after the jump starting around 8 p.m. ET-ish. We’ll also post quick results from the supporting card beforehand. Refresh the page every few minutes for all the latest, and if you’re watching along with us on FOX Sports 1, use the comments section to let us know how you feel.
The 22 fighters competing at tomorrow night’s UFC Fight Night 28: Teixeira vs. Bader event at the Mineirinho Arena in Belo Horizonte, Brazil, will be hitting the scales this afternoon beginning at 3 p.m. ET / Noon PT. Watch all the staredowns and shoving live in the video player above; we’ll update the results after the jump when it’s over.
(One of these men is on the brink of a world title shot. The other plans on penis-smacking himself in Mexico. You tell us which promotion helps build stars. Photo via Esther Lin/MMAFighting.)
Dave Chappelle once pondered what it would be like to be so famous that you could get your dick sucked and the person that sucked your dick would in turn also become famous. Someone who can probably relate to that level of power is UFC President Dana White. While he has yet to make anyone famous for giving him a hummer (besides Arianny, of course. *self five*), all White has to do is merely allude to a newsworthy piece of information and every MMA blog in the world jumps on it like it’s the word of God. I’m not the only one who sees the similarities there, right? Also, does anyone else see these fuckin’ iguanas on my coffee table?
Dana [White] and Joe [Silva] have confirmed, with a strong victory by Glover, then he probably gets the winner of the Jon Jones fight. Glover’s got an opportunity to go for that belt with a big win, so we’re expecting big things in Belo Horizonte.
As you would expect, MMA blogs across the board are jumping all over this statement and claiming that “a title shot is now on the line” for Glover Teixeira. Those of us who are at all familiar with Dana White, however, know that when he throws aroundthe words “probably” and the phrase “with a strong victory,” he means “unless a more lucrative option becomes available.”
As for Bader, the former TUF champ hasn’t competed since his quick guillotine-choke win over Vladimir Matyushenko at UFC on FOX 6 back in January. You can expect “Darth” to be a sizable underdog (once again) in this fight. Anybody think he can deflate Glover’s hype?
Being a “contributor” for CagePotato.com is kind of like being a barback at a seedy nightclub in Tijuana. We stock the bar with booze, ice, and clean glassware while staying in the shadows hoping to God that we don’t get yelled at. We try to help out wherever we can so the star bartenders (Ben Goldstein, Jared Jones, Elias Cepeda and Seth Falvo) can toss bottles of shitty Tequila like juggling pins while they pour fruit-flavored cocktails to semi hot chicks that they will inevitably hump later on. A contributor cleans up puke, empties ashtrays and eats shit from all the “made men” (both writers and tenured comment section dick-heads) here at CagePotato but it really is a great gig. Can you imagine the sloppy seconds that Danga sends our way?
Needless to say, most of the day-to-day MMA related news topics are taken care of by the staff writers and that leaves aspiring dipshits like me and Hutchinson to try and come up with a fresh or entertaining story idea on our own. Well, this idea is not fresh but it could be entertaining (at least my portions will be, but I have hope for Hutch since he is the guy who brought the word “dicknailed” to the CP). When Jon Fitch was released from his UFC contract last week, I wanted to write a piece on which higher profile fighters I would cut next if I were part of the UFC brass. Because opinions are like buttholes, Hutch had a thought to debate several of the choices in a YAY or NAY style. Before anyone starts hollering about Clay Guida, Jake Shields or the entire cast from the first season of The Ultimate Fighter (that means you Koscheck) take note that we agreed on more than we disagreed and in the spirit of pointless arguments opted to leave the most obvious offenders out. Let’s get started.
Two more big matchupshave been added to the already-beefy UFC 160 lineup, which is slated for May 25th at the MGM Grand Garden Arena in Las Vegas. In addition to the previously reported Cain Velasquez vs. Antonio Silva heavyweight championship headliner and Junior Dos Santos vs. Alistair Overeem, the card will feature…
(“Alright folks, we’re about to get these weigh-ins started in a few minutes, but first, please direct your attention to the main stage to see a schizophrenic homeless person doing the robot.” / Photo via CombatLifestyle. To see more pics from this set, click here.)
Leading us through the UFC on FOX 6 prelims is liveblog first-timer Alex Giardini, who will be stacking round-by-round results after the jump beginning at 5 p.m. ET / 2 p.m. PT. (Be gentle with him, okay?) Refresh the page every few minutes for all the latest results, and feel free to dump your own thoughts into the comments section.