(Joanne Calderwood vs. Ashley Cummins. Fight starts at the 1:35 mark. Someone nearly shits their pants around the 4:45 mark.)

Over the past several months, we’ve heard a lot of hoopla regarding the plight of women’s MMA and the lighter weight classes in general. According to some self-proclaimed experts, these fighters stand next to no chance of providing exciting finishes because of their “frail bones” and their “cabbage fingers” and their “lady parts that prevent them from committing gruesome acts of beautiful violence.” And while it should be noted that I normally obtain most of this expert testimony during my weekly NO MA’AM meetings, I must admit that the ladies of Invicta Fighting Championships are pretty much shattering every pre-conceived notion that one could have when approaching women’s MMA or the lighter weight classes. Last weekend’s Invicta FC 3 event did not stray far from the pattern established by the first two events, which is to say, it delivered exciting fights and brutal finishes from top to bottom.

In the evening’s main event, submission specialist and general hottie Jessica Penne made history by becoming the promotion’s first champion in the atomweight class, controlling the previously number one ranked atomweight Naho Sugiyama easily before submitting her midway through the second round with a slick triangle choke. Penne improved to 10-1 as a professional with the win and likely set up a showdown between herself and “The Karate Hottie” Michelle Waterson, who picked up a hard fought split-decision win over Lacey Schuckman earlier in the evening, down the line. I’m not saying I will be watching that fight with ulterior motives, but I am saying that I will be watching it alone. With the curtains closed. With no pants on.

After the jump: A boatload of fight videos from the event, including Shayna Baszler’s domination of Sarah D’Alelio, Stephanie Frausto’s lightning quick submission over Amy Davis, and Julia Budd’s brutal beatdown of Danielle West.

No way I’m not using this picture again.

What up, Potato Nation, it’s your boy ReX13 here at the Soldiers and Sailors Memorial Hall in Kansas City, ready to watch some ladies fight. I realize some of you have dirty-ass opinions about women’s MMA, and to you assholes I say this: I think there’s an NBA game on or something. Is the NFL draft still on? How’d my Carolina Panthers do? Actually, don’t answer that, just exit stage left. For the rest of you, let’s party: we got a badass card to watch.

Since the whole thing is streaming for free right here, I’m going to forego an actual play-by-play and just drop observations as the night goes on. I’m also ready to grab snapshots and video of the things you can’t see, so expect butt shots of Natasha Wicks. I’m all for girl power, but I also know what my Nation likes.

One more note: they are trying to disable the media with a light show and deafening dubstep. Pray for me.

Come on in, the show starts at 8pm ET. Until then, feel free to tweet your best #BadPickUpLinesAtInvictaFC at me, because I’m immature.

 I don’t know how you have a staredown with a French accent, but I’m pretty sure Romy Ruyssen (right) is doing it.

So let’s get this out of the way:  I live in Kansas.

No, I don’t know what the hell a jayhawk is.  I’m not actually from here.

Anyways, Invicta Fighting Championships is going down just a short drive away in Kansas City, so I was quick to accept when I was offered a chance to be a member of the fight media for the inaugural Invicta FC card.

There were a few hiccups at the weigh-ins:  for some reason, they did not set up a raised platform for me to set up upon. As a result my pictures and video were of decidedly low quality. (As a recompense, please enjoy a few pictures courtesy of Invicta’s own photographer, Esther Lin.)

D’Alelio vs. Rousey by heretherhere

If the best indicator of future performance is past behavior, the outcome of last night’s battle between Ronda Rousey and Sarah D’Alelio was written on the wall. Rousey, an Olympic medalist judoka, entered the cage with two pro and three amateur bouts under her black belt, all having ended via submission in under a minute. Referee Steve Mazzagatti sports a panoply of blown calls and poor decisions that have earned him the dishonor of being labeled one of MMA’s worst referees. When lightening fast submissions meet questionable decision making, get ready for the fireworks.

The trouble started for D’Alelio the moment the bell rang; Rousey switched up her takedown attack feverishly until she succeeded in bringing the fight to the mat just eighteen seconds into the bout. The trouble started for Mazzagatti about eight seconds later, when he stopped the fight based on a rumor he’d heard that D’Alelio had verbally submitted. The truth is that that Rousey was more than capable of making D’Alelio tap and tap quickly, and her odds of escaping that armbar were slim. But it doesn’t look like Mazzagatti stepped in because D’Alelio tapped verbally or otherwise, or because she was in immediate danger. Rousey stops torquing the arm and turns toward Mazzagatti to inform him that D’Alelio had cried out “Tap! Tap!”, and though we haven’t heard his side of the tale it looks like he takes her word for it and ends the fight. D’Alelio claims to have yelled “Wahahaaahaa!” in response to the pain, but that she never wanted out of the fight. D’Alelio could call for a rematch, but the end result would probably be the same. As for Rousey, how about a fight with Kyra Gracie?

Get full results and gifs of Rousey’s near-wardrobe mishap at the weigh-ins and Derek Mehman’s gruesome cut after the jump.

(Whatever’s wrong with her, it’s probably nothing that one of my famous back-massages couldn’t cure. #creeper)

Strikeforce kicked off today’s “Overeem vs. Werdum” media conference call with some very bad news — franchise star Gina Carano will not be making her scheduled return to the cage against Sarah D’Alelio. Scott Coker told reporters that Carano failed her pre-fight medical examination, but didn’t share specific details about what might be wrong with her health.

Replacing Carano vs. D’Alelio on the televised card of the June 18th Showtime event will be the lightweight title eliminator between KJ Noons and Jorge Masvidal, which was originally slated for the prelims. The promotion may find a replacement opponent for D’Alelio, and will announce more details later. We’ll update you when we know more.

(Props: allelbows)

According to MMAWeekly, Strikeforce is working hard to book Sarah D’Alelio as the return opponent for MMA superstar Gina Carano. Though not all parties involved have signed off on the bout at the time of the report, the match would take place on the main card of Strikeforce: Overeem vs. Werdum, June 18th at the American Airlines Arena in Dallas. Fighting out of Olympia, Washington, D’Alelio holds a record of 4-1 (all wins by stoppage), and most recently suffered her first loss in a decision against Julie Kedzie at a Jackson’s MMA Series event in December.

Greg Jackson has been overseeing Carano’s training as she prepares to come back from a 22-month layoff, and so far, he has nothing but nice things to say: “We don’t have any 145ers, and she’s really sweet and really nice. So, those are the things you look for…She’s really talented, she works hard, she does what’s expected, and I’m impressed…As I get to know her more as far as helping her out for the fight, we’ll get to a better sense of it. But, she definitely has all the talent and all the potential in the world.”

Meanwhile, Carano’s old nemesis Cristiane “Cris Cyborg” Santos is still without her next opponent, ten months after her last title defense/squash match against Jan Finney. But as the video after the jump proves, Cris has been keeping herself in ferocious fighting shape…