Fame is a funny thing. One second it has you teaching tomorrow’s youth how to rape transsexuals in parking garages, and the next it has you teaching women (and possibly transsexuals) to defend themselves from said rapists. Such is the case with former UFC light heavyweight champion, Quinton “Rampage” Jackson, who recently posted the above flyer on the Twitter account of his fitness academy along with the following info:

Rampage is giving back to the community and hosting a free self defense seminar for women on March 28th.

Who wants to bet that Page’s first bit of sage-like defense advice will be to purchase a pair of his patented anti-rape shoes? After staring at a pair for over an hour at my local Foot Locker the other day, I’ve determined that the only possibly explanation for the millipede-like protrusions on the underside of those things is that they act like some sort of Inspector Gadget spring device when someone is cornered. Or being raped.

So ladies, how many of you are ready to let the man who put the “sex” in sexual assault teach you how to avoid being a victim?

-J. Jones 

(Video courtesy of YouTube/Sapo916)

At first glance, Bas Rutten’s new show may seem kind of a strange concept, but when you think about it, it will likely be nothing but pure comedic gold.

Touted by the network as being “a comedic, street fighting survival series,” “Punk Payback” will feature 10 1/2-hour episodes of Bas doing what he does in his famous self-defense videos, which is explain how to get out of bad situations using your fists, knees, feet, elbows and whatever inanimate objects are at your disposal.

What’s not to love?

(Props: MMA Scraps)

I’ll assume that by now you’ve all watched and re-watched Bas Rutten’s infamous bar-fight self-defense video dozens and dozens of times. Well, a Canadian comedian/MTV Live host named Daryn Jones has also seen it, and he put together a series of parodies spoofing the sadism and matter-of-fact delivery that made the original so beloved. His first clip is above; you can watch parts 2-4 here.

So, whatever, good for a chuckle. Problem is, Bas Himself has seen the clips (!!!), and he’s none too pleased. His video response is below. Hope it was worth it, funny man — you’re now on Bas’s dangada-dangada list. But besides the obvious lesson of you don’t mess with El Guapo, we also learn a couple more things in the video: 1) Rutten likes to drink pond scum, straight up. 2) His Tony Montana impression is shockingly good for a Dutchman. Enjoy.

Unrelated hilarity after the jump.

Pro fighter/bikini model Michelle “The Karate Hottie” Watterson will make her EliteXC debut on the untelevised undercard of their September 20th Showtime broadcast. You can get to know her better by watching this video of her posing in bikinis and doing high kicks; thanks, Fightlinker.

Sometimes the most badass guys are the ones you’d least expect — for example, the short, skinny, possibly Hispanic man in the above video with the insane fu-manchu mustache. Who knew he’d have that kind of upkicking prowess? (See the 2:28 mark). By the way, if anybody can figure out what he’s saying at 1:18, 1:23, 1:27, and 1:32, please let us know. Bas Rutten, you’ve just been served. Mad props to our buds at Holy Taco.

Here’s a clip from the Rob Schneider comedy Big Stan featuring Don Frye, Bob Sapp, and Randy Couture. If we remember Couture for nothing else, let’s remember him for the line he delivers at 3:28. Props to “Card” on the UG.

Bonus awesomeness after the jump…