(“On second thought, I’ll just take your word for it…” – Guy on the Left)

Horrific penis injuries: They’re the new injured foot of MMA injuries.

UFC veteran Waylon Lowe has made his way back into headlines the hard way today, as he is suing The Mood – a sex shop on South Street, Philadelphia – for selling him a product that has permanently scarred his genitals. Of course this is how the unfortunate bastard manages to finally get MMA fans talking about him again, because why wouldn’t it be.

Assuming you haven’t already skipped to the comments section to unleash your best one-liners, you can read details about the product he used and the injury itself [NSFA] after the jump.

(You want that hot, throbbing cauliflower ear, don’t you. Oh, yeah. Ohhhh y-[*vomits*] / Photo via TitoCouture)

One of the oldest combat sports training myths is that abstaining from sex helps your performance on fight night. Phil Baroni may have put it best when he told us: “You take punches better when you abstain from, ah…punching your own loads out. It makes you fuckin’ mean, I’ll tell you that much.”

But other fighters, including UFC welterweight champion/masturbation-enthusiast Georges St. Pierre have dismissed the no-sex rule, and apparently, Ronda Rousey preps for a fight by smushing as much as possible. As she told Jim Rome last night:

“For girls it raises your testosterone, so I try to have as much sex as possible before I fight actually. Not with like everybody, I don’t put out like a Craigslist ad or anything, but if I got a steady I’m going to be like ‘yo, fight time’s coming up’,” Rousey said with a laugh.

However: “You can’t (expletive) somebody and go fight that day.”

Sex with Ronda Rousey has to be a terrifying experience. Think about it. There you are, just sitting on the couch catching up on the Sunday Styles section, when Ronda busts in wearing a damp rash-guard, and says “Yo, fight time’s coming up. Dick: out,” then angrily demands that you get in her guard while at least one Diaz brother lurks around in the kitchen, trying to figure out how to use the blender. Are you man enough to deal with that?

(God help the next poor girl who has to get fisted by this savage.)

In terms of her sharp wit and passion for MMA, adult-film star Carmen Valentina is definitely one of us. Then again, she makes her living having wild sex on camera, which makes her pretty unique among CagePotato contributors. And since Carmen hasn’t graced us with her lovely presence in a while, we figured it was time to collect more of your questions for another no-holds-barred mailbag column.

Please toss your queries into the comments section below, or tweet them @cagepotatomma with the tag #askcarmen. Despite what the headline says, your questions don’t all have to be about the girl in your office who keeps rejecting your advances. You can ask Ms. Valentina pretty much anything that’s on your mind. But please skim through her first “Ask Carmen” column to make sure you’re not covering familiar territory. Sound good? Thanks for your support, and be sure to follow Carmen Valentina on twitter!

(This is what he means by “off-the-chain doggy-style.”)

I’m sorry, but there are times when you have to break your own ban. This is one of those times. In a new interview with Fighters Only, Quinton Jackson discusses how testosterone replacement therapy turned his life around, though it caused him to gain a bunch of water weight that contributed to his UFC 144 scale-fail. And then he dropped this bit of info (via Fightlinker):

“I’m in a studio — you know I make music as a hobby — I am in the studio right now with my friend who produced all my tracks. We made a big hit actually, people will be really surprised when I release this because I have been making music for like six or seven years but never released anything. Now I am finally comfortable to actually release something. I was depressed yesterday but then we made this hit last night and it immediately cheered me up because normally I make music just for a hobby, I never release it, its just for me to enjoy. But this song cheered me up in my hard times right now and I think my fans can get some enjoyment out of it. It cheered me up if they don’t like it I don’t give a fuck. I’m the king of doggy style.”

No arguments there. But how does hormone replacement therapy figure into this story? Well…

(“Well little lady, what are you willing to do to bring your grades up in this class? Oh, you’re already a straight-A student? Shit.” / Photo courtesy of CarmenValentina.com)

You asked for it and you got it. CagePotato’s sassy adult film star friend Carmen Valentina has taken time out of her busy schedule to answer an assload of your burning questions. Seriously, she put in some effort on this one, so please show her love by following her on Twitter and visiting her official site, and if you have any more questions for her, drop ‘em in the comments section. Stay tuned, because you haven’t seen the last of Carmen around here…

Spicymeatball asks: Have you ever had a boyfriend while working in your film career? If yes, what are some of the challenges trying to have a relationship while being an adult actress. Do you save anything special for your significant other?

Yes, dating someone in the adult industry (pornchick, stripper, etc.) is challenging. It really depends on your view of sex and your level of confidence. Most guys have wanted to bang a pornchick, but not a lot have the confidence to handle dating one, and want the girl to change everything about themselves once they are officially dating. I can handle compromise, but not someone who will try to control me.

Everyone has different boundaries. The biggest problem I’ve had is when people aren’t honest about what exactly those boundaries are. If you want the bragging rights of dating a chick in the adult biz but can’t handle competition, or are a firm believer in monogamy, then you should really find someone that shares your same values and beliefs. Trust me there is someone out there for everyone.

(McCullough with squeeze Lexxi Tyler, via MySpace.  You might remember her from a couple blue movies she’s been in, such as "Boobs of Hazzard," "Muff Bumpers 5," and "Rack Em."  All actual titles.)

According to MMA Weekly’s Insider Blog, the WEC’s Rob McCullough is going to be out of action for a while, as he’s going on the next season of VH1’s “Celebrity Rehab” to get his sex addiction looked at.  How ’bout that?

Apparently McCullough had surgery on the hand that he broke in his snoozer of a bout with Marcus Hicks at WEC 39, and since he has to take some time off anyway he might as well see if he can achieve his two lifelong goals of being on a reality show and putting an end to his compulsive fornicating all at once.  That’s called making efficient use of your time.

Depending on the source, this may just be part of the third season of the popular “Celebrity Rehab” show that seeks to exploit the substance abuse problems of kind of famous people for ratings, or it may be a spin-off of that show devoted entirely to sex addiction, which would be the perfect place for McCullough to meet chicks now that he and porn star Lexxi Tyler are reportedly no longer dating. (Edit: okay, so they’re still dating, and possibly engaged. Who can tell with porn stars?  I mean, when you think about it?) 

Now begins the great debate as to which MMA fighter made out better in the porn actress dating pool: Rob McCullough or Tito Ortiz?  McCullough managed not to get his porn star girlfriend pregnant (we hope), while Ortiz landed one who was more, um…I guess the word I’m looking for here is “prolific.”  Some comparison photos are after the jump to better aid the discourse.

(That poor, poor woman.)

The Maine-iac on Sherdog’s Savage Dog Show:

“I’ve had sex before with the belt on. That was back in the Ricco Rodriguez days. The night I won the belt I had a sexual experience with the belt on. But hey, I was 25 years old and it was the biggest thing that ever had happened to me in my life. The girl was like hey, are you going to take that thing off. And I said no, I’m not…I’m wearing it and if you have a problem with it, then I’m leaving. And I hate to say it, but if I do win the belt again, then this time it’s never coming off. I’m going to wear it a lot more.”

You hear that, ladies who might consider sleeping with Tim Sylvia? He will bang you with his belt on. That’s a promise. As if sex with Tim wasn’t an awful enough experience, with his grating New England accent and his loose stomach that even steroids couldn’t shore up, he will let you know, at every possible moment, who the champ is.

We cannot allow this to happen again. If you have a daughter, a sister — if you have a mother — you need to know what’s at stake here. So this Saturday, we urge you to pray to your Higher Power for a victory by Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira (he’s the guy that Tim will be fighting at UFC 81; I know we haven’t talked about him much, sorry). If you want to pray that Tim Sylvia stops having “sexual experiences” altogether, that’s cool too.

If you’re not convinced, just imagine Tim Sylvia taking a dump, totally naked except for his UFC belt and reading an old copy of Field and Stream. Maybe now you’ll start to appreciate the enormity of the situation…