It’s like we’ve always said: Shane Carwin is the best. Thanks for sticking up for us, CAPLOCKHAL. Now please don’t ever do that again.

Previously: Shane Carwin Is Not Amused By Our Antics

(Oh, good.  For a second we thought he was mad at us.  Turns out it’s some other site called Cagecrapato.com.  Wouldn’t want to be those poor bastards right now.)

It’s times like these when we’re glad we do all our blogging from a special groovy submarine in the middle of the Atlantic, because otherwise we might be a little worried about the enormous pro fighter who is pissed off at us.  Clearly, this post rattled Shane Carwin’s cage just a little bit, and he apparently didn’t appreciate our attempts at offering possible nickname ideas either, which is really the fault of you, our readers, since they were your suggestions.  Whoever is to blame, Carwin doesn’t seem to think we’re as funny as our mothers keep telling us we are.

Perhaps someone should explain the concept of Twitter to Shane Carwin because he seems surprised that people are reading what he writes on his page, despite the fact that this is the sole reason for the existence of Twitter.  The heavyweight contender posted some news about his next fight (October 24 in L.A., which puts it at UFC 104) on the social networking website, and apparently he wasn’t supposed to since it hasn’t been officially agreed to by both sides.  Carwin and Cain Velasquez seemed to be on a collision course following Velasquez’s win over Cheick Kongo at UFC 99, so it’s not like he revealed the combination to the safe where Lorenzo Fertitta keeps his getaway money.  Still, he did put Cain on the spot.  If the bout doesn’t happen now, we’ll all know whose bitchassness is to blame. 

(Yep, that’s the face you make when you realize that you’re now famous enough to get laid without making any effort at all.)

No one is more eager to find out what awaits heavyweight contenders Shane Carwin and Cain Velasquez than we are, but from the sound of things some people may be jumping the gun a bit regarding rumors that the two are headed for a clash at UFC 103.  Inside Fights says sources have told them that Carwin and Velasquez could be the co-main event for the September event in Dallas, Texas, right alongside Mike Swick vs. Matt Hughes.  And yeah, they clarify that the bout has not been agreed to, but Carwin says it hasn’t even been discussed:

(Props: CRE)

The best UFC highlight-reel of the week comes from BH, who has compiled some of the greatest Octagon moments of 2008-2009 (and Nick Diaz‘s 2007 PRIDE fight against Takanori Gomi, for some reason) — into this uplifting clip. Using Coldplay to soundtrack an MMA video is a risky move, but it actually works here, in a "Where the Hell Is Matt?" sort of way. From Akihiro Gono‘s legendary entrance at UFC 94 to the various disappointments of Chuck Liddell — it’s definitely worth a look.

After the jump: A Lyoto Machida-specific highlight reel from firelotus09. Just like Lyoto’s fights, the action doesn’t start right away; if you’re impatient, skip to the 1:43 mark and prepare to be Dragon’d.

(Just when you’re hypnotized by the look of peace and harmony in his eyes, he whips around and lops your head clean off.)

Rising UFC heavyweight prospect Shane Carwin chose a nickname for himself, no thanks to you people.  After hundreds of suggestions from you and from members of his official fan community, Carwin went with “The Engineer” as his official nickname.  It makes sense, since he is actually an engineer, which you would know if you’d read Neal Taflinger’s awesome cover story on him in Fight! Magazine.  But since we thought you people had some decent ideas we wanted to get Carwin’s reaction to some of our favorites, just to see where the Potato Nation went wrong.  Here’s what he had to say.

("It is our destiny to become an advanced race and to kill the earth in the process, only in all probability to be crushed by an even more advanced and complexed system. One day we will find other human like creatures that have noses on their arms and we will find them ugly and they will find us ugly." More from this insane rant after the jump! Photo props to HolyTaco.)

Dana Mother F$%king White on "Aleks Emelianenko Leaves Red Devil, Continues to Pretend That He Can Fight in America": Instead of hatin’ on him, ya’ll should Hepa brother out.
[Ed. note: ZING!]

El Famous Burrito on "The Potato Index: UFC 96 Aftermath": The UFC needs to get Vince from the Shamwow commercials to pitch title fights to guys:
"Ok Rampage, if you act now, and call your manager in the next 20 minutes, because we can’t do this all day, we’ll send you to Vegas to fight Rashad Evans for the title. And as a bonus we’ll throw in a fight at UFC 99, because we all know the Germans need good fights, you can even use the Shamwow to wipe down those greasy Jackson fighters. You’ll be saying wow every time."
[Ed. note: Hey, it worked for Lyoto "SlapChop" Machida.]

Props to UFC.com, MMAWeekly, Sherdog, and CombatLifestyle.

(I know, tons of words rhyme with Shane, but let’s think this through.)

There’s a discussion brewing in our forums right now, begun by user LuketheDuke, with the goal of finding a suitable nickname for UFC heavyweight Shane Carwin.  Luke is right, here.  Carwin doesn’t have a nickname (that we know of — maybe he’s keeping it a secret?), and after knocking out Gabriel Gonzaga and cracking the all-important top ten in the Cage Potato Power Rankings, the time is now.  

Trouble is, after looking through your forum posts I see that many of you are in love with the rhyming nickname.  This disappoints me.  As awesome as suggestions like Shane “The Great Dane” Carwin and Shane “You’ll Need a Cane” Carwin are, rhyming nicknames always seem forced.  Although at least T Rex rhymed the last name with his submission: Shane “Darwin” Carwin (since the dude is bringing survival of the fittest back to the UFC’s heavyweight division).  I like that.

(Shane Carwin — one of the ten best heavyweights in the world. Photo courtesy of UFC.com)

In the wake of UFC 95, WEC 39, and UFC 96, we’ve tidied up the heavyweight, light-heavyweight, middleweight, welterweight, and featherweight top ten lists in our Power Rankings section. Some notable changes…

— Shane Carwin enters the heavyweight list at #9 after taking out his first Top 20 opponent in 69 seconds.

— Keith Jardine leaves the light-heavyweight list (temporarily, at least) after his loss to Quinton Jackson on Saturday. He may have beaten a post-peak Chuck Liddell and a pre-peak Forrest Griffin, but it’s unclear if he has what it takes to beat a high-level opponent when they’re at their best.

— Robbie Lawler and Jake Shields drop a spot due to inactivity. Not their fault, but whaddya gonna do. Luckily, their stints in Strikeforce begin soon.

— Josh Koscheck falls to #8 on the welterweight list after being upset by Paulo Thiago. Kos definitely still has the talent of a top-ten fighter — he’s just made some unfortunate choices.

— Jose Aldo ascends to #6 on the featherweight list after his fourth brutal stoppage win in the WEC.

Check ‘em out and let us know if you see things differently.

Unrelated, but important: Thanks so much for all your awesome nominations in our Best MMA Bars forum thread. We’re going to start compiling our list soon, so if you have any others to share, please let us know!

(Well, this sure didn’t help.  Photo courtesy of UFC.com)

After my meager success at WEC 39, I decided to up my wagers just a little with the hopes of getting my profits into double digits following UFC 96.  The results were…mixed.  Here’s how I did, in case you’re keeping score of my finances at home.

Bet: $50 on Shane Carwin at +140
Result: Won $70 profit
What I Learned: Plenty of you told me I was crazy for betting on a guy who was undefeated against bunch of scrubs.  One of you even claimed Gabriel Gonzaga would have beat Randy Couture if not for a headbutt.  But I went with my gut and profited.  So there.  Who’s the jackass now?  You are.  You’re the jackass.  I’m the guy with an extra seventy bucks in my pocket.  I’ll be at the strip club if you need me.

(You look sleepy, Gabe.  Maybe time to grab a quick nap?  Photo courtesy of UFC.com)

Who’s up and who’s down?  The Potato Index is here to tell you with our post-event wrap-up of arbitrary numerical rankings. 

“Rampage” Jackson +121

He won a fight he was supposed to win, even if it took him 2 2/3 rounds longer than many thought it would.  Jackson said he needed the work, and he looked good from start to finish.  But will he still be glad he went through rounds when he has to get back in the gym and prepare for Rashad Evans in two weeks?

Keith Jardine -15

“The Dean of Mean” fought hard and, if nothing else, proved his chin isn’t so suspect after all.  The guy has a lot of heart and he’ll fight anyone (except his Jackson camp buddies).  There’s always a place in the UFC for someone like that.

Shane Carwin +154

Didn’t we tell you this guy was a beast?  Gonzaga broke his nose in the opening seconds and it barely slowed Carwin down.  The knockout blow didn’t even seem like it had all his power behind it, but it didn’t matter.  Another first-round KO, and this time against a notable opponent.  This guy is headed for big things.

(Fight night Danavlog reveals that someone is a little self-conscious about his weight.)

The UFC paid out $762,000 in base fighter payroll for UFC 96 in Columbus, Ohio, and they dispersed this money according to their usual principles: from each according to his ability, to each according to his marketability.  Full disclosed payout figures are below.  For a more accurate accounting, imagine Rampage Jackson, Keith Jardine, and Matt Hamill all pocketing an extra $60,000 for their end of the night bonuses:

Quinton Jackson — $325,000 (includes $100,000 win bonus)
Keith Jardine — $55,000
Shane Carwin — $32,000 (includes $16,000 win bonus)
Gabriel Gonzaga: $60,000
Matt Brown — $16,000 (includes $8,000 win bonus)
Pete Sell — $12,000
Matt Hamill — $40,000 ($20,000 win bonus)
Mark Munoz — $12,000
Gray Maynard — $20,000 (includes $10,000 win bonus)
Jim Miller — $9,000
Tamdan McCrory — $20,000 (includes $10,000 win bonus)
Ryan Madigan — $3,000
Kendall Grove — $44,000 (includes $22,000 win bonus)
Jason Day — $5,000
Jason Brilz — $10,000 (includes $5,000 win bonus)
Tim Boetsch — $12,000
Brandon Vera — $60,000 (includes $30,000 win bonus)
Michael Patt — $5,000
Shane Nelson — $16,000 (includes $8,000 win bonus
Aaron Riley — $6,000

(‘Page vs. Keef. Props to MMALinker.)

After a wild, occasionally bizarre night of action which once again proved that weak-on-paper cards often turn out to be the most entertaining ones, the UFC released $60,000 end-of-night bonuses to UFC 96‘s standout fighters. Taking home the extra cash are…

Fight of the Night: Quinton Jackson and Keith Jardine, who put on a surprisingly competitive three-rounder in the main event; in fact, the fight was one of the few matches on the card that wasn’t a one-sided squash.

Knockout of the Night: Matt Hamill, obviously, for his Cro Coppian head-kick obliteration of Mark Munoz. 

Submission of the Night: No bonus was given out, even though Tamdan McCrory did technically make Ryan Madigan tap due to strikes. We’ll let you know if he decides to file a complaint with the athletic commission.

UFC 96 drew a very-impressive 17,033 spectators to Nationwide Arena, for a gate of $1.8 million. 

After the jump: The Hammer’s nasty KO, Carwin’s ownage of Napao, the Brown/Sell fiasco, and Kendall Grove’s job-saving beatdown of Jason Day.

(‘You…just ruined my vacation, Frank Mir.’)

Despite the heat generated by the post-fight face-off between "Rampage" Jackson and Rashad Evans, the proposed title bout for UFC 98 in May isn’t guaranteed just yet.  Dana White was upfront about the possibility that injury or simple fatigue could keep Jackson out of the fight, in which case Lyoto Machida would get the title shot.

Injuries or not, Rampage didn’t exactly sound thrilled about fighting again in just a little over two months.

"I want my belt back, but I got to talk to manager and talk some things though.  Then I’ll tell Dana what’s up," he said.

(Photo courtesy of Combat Lifestyle.)

It’s a lovely spring day in Columbus, Ohio and the streets of the Arena District are teeming with fans eager to find out, can Keith Jardine really continue his streak of ruining every good plan the UFC has, or will "Rampage" Jackson save him from the ethical quandary of a potential future title shot against his dear friend Rashad Evans?  We’ll be liveblogging all the action as it unfolds, so stick with us.  And when I say stick with us I really mean it.  God help me, if I find out you’re two-timing us with some other liveblog there will be hell to pay.

Before we get started, how about giving this a quick Digg.  It only takes a second, and you’ll feel better about yourself afterwards.  Remember to hit refresh often to keep up with the action.  We’ll get started any minute now…

(Only one thing could make "The Dean of Mean" smile like that: ice cream sandwich.)

Need some money and don’t want to go through the tedious motions of acquiring it through work?  Man, I sympathize.  That’s why I’m moving to an internet gambling-based personal financial model.  Yes, literally every piece of financial advice I read strongly suggests I not do this, but if those people know so much why are they still working as financial advice writers instead of living it up in limos with a bunch of Armenian strippers?  Riddle me that, suckas.

Betting lines come to us via BestFightOdds.com, as usual.

Quinton Jackson (-281) vs. Keith Jardine (+261)
Gabriel Gonzaga (-160) vs. Shane Carwin (+150)
Matt Hamill (-160) vs. Mark Munoz (+150)
Pete Sell (-131) vs. Matt Brown (+121)
Gray Maynard (-160) vs. Jim Miller (+155)
Tamdan McCrory (-290) vs. Ryan Madigan (+275)
Kendall Grove (-160) vs. Jason Day (+165)
Tim Boetsch (-130) vs. Jason Brilz (+130)
Brandon Vera (-500) vs. Mike Patt (+450)
Aaron Riley (-205) vs. Shane Nelson (+190)

Thoughts…

(Props: BloodyElbow)

Well, we’re nine days away from the most-anticipated [Columbus, Ohio-based] UFC card in history since last March. No, the lineup isn’t exactly knocking anybody’s dick off. But people bitched about UFC 95, and that turned out to be insane from top to bottom, so who really knows? Above is the extended promo clip for the night’s two main events. Quinton Jackson says Keith Jardine‘s chin is suspect, and vows that somebody’s gonna pay for making him go back to the chilly U.K. to train. Jardine says he an overall better fighter that Jackson, and plans on testing his spirit.

Meanwhile, both Gabriel Gonzaga and Shane Carwin take pride in the fact that they finish fights. The undefeated Carwin still hasn’t been out of the first round in his career, which is both a good thing (can anybody make it to the second bell against this guy?) and potentially a bad thing (will he gas out if it goes to rounds two and three?). But now that Carwin is training with Greg Jackson’s camp, he’ll be able to draw from the wisdom of guys like Keith Jardine, Nate Marquardt, Rashad Evans, and GSP, and the brilliant gameplans of the team’s namesake. Deal with that, Team Link.

Semi-Related:
— Quinton Jackson is not Lyoto Machida’s biggest fan: "I mean, he’s good, he’s undefeated, but he’s boring. If I was the promoter of a show I wouldn’t have guys like that fighting on my show.” And so the trash-talk for an eventual face-off begins…

— Sore as hell from his three-round burner against Troy Mandaloniz last Saturday, Rampage’s Wolfslair teammate Paul Kelly is dropping to lightweight.

— Keith Jardine’s friendship with Rashad Evans would prevent him from fighting "Sugar" for the UFC light-heavyweight title. If it comes to that. Which it won’t.

(Props: MMA Mania)

Above: Not only is Fedor Emelianenko a fighter (see the above video for verbal confirmation), he was also the subject of a New York Times profile yesterday. Maybe after Saturday night he’ll finally start getting some damn respect around here. Below: Everything you wanted to know about up-and-coming heavyweight Shane Carwin, courtesy of his newly-launched website, Shane-Carwin.com. After the jump: Tim Sylvia talks about how bad it has sucked to watch his ass getting kicked by Fedor in a seemingly endless loop in all of Affliction’s promotional videos. Also, he calls Andrei Arlovski a "douchebag" and "bad for the sport."

(If God intended for man to fly, we would all have been born with Gonzaga’s foot in our gut.)

Gabriel Gonzaga and Shane Carwin have signed to face each other at UFC 96, which should make for exactly the kind of test we’ve wanted to see Carwin in ever since he knocked Christian Wellish’s mouthpiece into the peaceful night sky at UFC 84.  Carwin is 10-0 with two first-round wins by total destruction in his only two UFC fights, and Gonzaga is 2-2 in his last four fights, including a submission win over bottom-dweller Justin McCully and a TKO of one-and-done UFC newcomer Josh Hendricks.

So why is Gonzaga’s camp so convinced this fight with Carwin should earn “Napao” a shot at the winner of Frank Mir-Brock Lesnar II?

“It’s going to be a tough fight and [if he wins] Napao (Gonzaga) will have [earned the right] to face the winner of Mir vs. Lesnar,” Gonzaga’s trainer, Marco Alvan, told Brasil Combate.

The concept of having earned a title shot is already a vague one in the UFC, and only more so in the heavyweight division.  Consider that Brock Lesnar earned his shot by going 1-1 in his only two UFC fights, defeating mid-level heavyweight Heath Herring via decision to seal the deal.  Frank Mir earned his shot by beating Lesnar back when he only had one fight to his credit.  In other words, earned has nothing to do with it.

(That guy in the lower left still has nightmares to this day. Photo courtesy of 5oz.)

Great news, everybody: Shane Carwin may finally be getting a real opponent. Not to say that his past opponents haven’t been "real," in a literal sense — they’ve all unquestionably had height, width, and depth, and existed in what we all perceive as the physical realm — but anybody who’s seen the massive heavyweight prospect fight knows that he has enough talent to be a title contender, and deserves better competition than the palookas he’s been stomping lately. Over ten fights, Carwin has racked up ten first-round stoppages, with the longest being his pro debut against Carlton Jones, which went to the 2:11 mark. His two opponents in the UFC, Christian Wellisch and Neil Wain, were rescued at the 0:44 and 1:31 marks, respectively. 

So anyway, it looks like he’s getting Gabriel Gonzaga (10-3) next. FiveOuncesofPain reports that Carwin and "Napao" will be meeting at UFC 96 (March 7th; Columbus, Ohio). Gonzaga was briefly considered one of the ten best heavyweights in the world, before consecutive losses to Randy Couture and Fabricio Werdum derailed his momentum. Since then, he’s gotten his balls back with quick stoppage victories over Justin McCully and most recently Josh Hendricks at last month’s UFC 91. Gonzaga and Carwin both lie somewhere in the middle of the UFC’s heavyweight ladder, and the winner of their fight will take a big step towards a title shot. Though Gonzaga has unraveled against tough competition in the past, he’ll be the first legitimate test for Carwin. Should be a corker. 

In other fight-booking news…

(Carwin looked impressive, but how about a tough opponent next?)

You’re wondering who’s up and who’s down after UFC 89. The Potato Index’s system of arbitrary numbers devoid of any unit of measurement will tell you. It’s kind of like the stock market, only less depressing. We spent all weekend doing the math and here’s what we came up with. You’re welcome.

Michael Bisping +16

“The Count” won a fight he was supposed to win. Via decision. He never took any chances, didn’t show anything extra special, but he fought smart and he got the win. As a reward, he gets the TUF coaching job and the fight with the Hendo/Ace winner that was already his anyway. At least he didn’t screw it up.

Brandon Vera -132

Once upon a time Vera was the heir apparent in the heavyweight division. Now he’s a mediocre light heavyweight who doesn’t even put on much of a show anymore. What happened? He’s no longer exciting or effective, and he’s far too conservative. He’s making too much money to be doing so little.

Chris Leben -8 1/2

Leben chased Michael Bisping for three rounds and only got a little frustrated and reckless toward the end. A sign of his maturity? Sure, but also a sign that middleweight gatekeeper is about as high as he can hope to climb. He’s still exciting, so he’s not going anywhere. He also won’t be back in the main event any time soon.

Joe Rogan’s tribute beard +18

Sounded a little hokey at first, but it turns out that facial hair can be an effective homage to a fallen champion.

Luis Cane +284

The biggest win of Cane’s career, by far, and one that should get him noticed by the UFC brass. We called his record padded before, but he added some meat to it on Saturday night.

With one day to go before UFC 89 (which we’ll be liveblogging, naturally), it’s time for everyone’s favorite self-indulgent exercise: Ben versus Ben. This time around we argue bonuses, the UK-centric undercard, and the mysterious/as-of-yet fictional Millerplata, among other stuff.

How exactly will Bisping/Leben end?

Fowlkes: As much as we’ve heard about Leben’s transformation from immature brawler to well-rounded tactician, a part of me (the part located in the brain region) isn’t totally buying it. Leben may be a more seasoned fighter, but he still knows one way to win a fight when things get hectic and it’s throwing big, looping bombs and hoping one catches his opponent on the chin.

This has worked at times. He hits hard and he can take enough punishment to make that strategy effective. But as strategies go, it’s relatively easy to prepare for, especially for a more cerebral fighter like Bisping. “The Count” is smart enough to avoid a street fight with Leben. He’ll accumulate points and damage but won’t dive in for the illusion of a quick finish, and this will frustrate Leben.

Leben knows he doesn’t want to go to a decision against a Brit in Britain, so the closer to the final horn he gets the more desperate he will become. This is where Bisping will find an opening, drop him with a straight shot, then pour on some ground-and-pound that looks worse than it is, causing the referee to stop it at 4:02 of round three. And Leben is going to be pissed.

Goldstein: I concur. Bisping is a more talented, complete fighter than Leben, and this business about the Crippler maturing is more manufactured narrative than reality. But I don’t think it’ll take Bisping until the third frame to get the stoppage win. As a middleweight, his kickboxing has looked razor-sharp — his last two opponents didn’t make it to the second bell — and his ground capabilities are underrated in general.

The headliners will give the crowd what they paid for in round one, slugging it out like a couple of drunken soccer hooligans, and Bisping will go about finishing the fight in round two, engaging the killer instinct that we’ve seen from him lately. If Leben starts to land more shots in that second round, I wouldn’t be surprised to see Bisping clinch with Leben, bully him to the ground and finish him from the top. Either way, it’ll be a stoppage due to strikes at exactly the 4:15 mark of round two.

Who will win the Vera/Jardine and Sokoudjou/Cane fights?

(Props: MMA Scraps)

This 18-minute compilation is the only PRIDE highlight reel you’ll ever need, featuring the most brain-rattling finishes by Aleksander and Fedor Emelianenko, Alistair Overeem, Mirko Cro Cop, Dan Henderson, Quinton Jackson, Wanderlei Silva, Sergei Kharitonov, Joachim Hansen and many more. Listen closely at the 8:27-8:30, 8:47-8:50, and 17:47-17:50 marks to hear early versions of Frank Trigg’s “Oh! Oh no! Oh no!” catchphrase that he perfected during the Fedor/Sylvia fight.

(Props: BloodyElbow)

Speaking of dudes who knock people dead, here’s heavyweight rising star Shane Carwin discussing his fight against the noticeably smaller Neil Wain at UFC 89 this Saturday. Carwin is currently 9-0, with all wins coming via first-round stoppage, and all but one of those stoppages happening within the first two minutes.

Something short, simple, and hilarious awaits you after the jump…

(Props: JarryPark)

I was worried that UFC 89 (October 18th; Birmingham, England) was going to be one of those off-brand cards that are hastily thrown together for the British market — but it may have potential after all. Besides the requisite matchups of Bisping vs. Leben and (possibly) Davis vs. Kelly, and a reported welterweight feature of Thiago Alves vs. Diego Sanchez, the UFC has just added three more compelling bouts to the lineup.

First up is a light-heavyweight bout between Rameau Thierry Sokoudjou — who’s coming off a first-round TKO of Kazuhiro Nakamura at UFC 84 — and Luiz Cane, who recently knocked out Jason “Flapjacks” Lambert at UFC 85. Sokoudjou was already regarded as one of the top ten 205′ers in the world when he entered the UFC, and is probably still trying to shake off the humiliation of being the only guy that Lyoto Machida has finished in the last two years. Both him and Cane have a lot of hype behind them, and both like to throw bombs; could be a wild one.

Next is a heavyweight bout between Denver-based destroyer Shane Carwin (9-0) and British brawler Neil Wain (4-0). Like Carwin, Wain has won all of his fights by first-round stoppage — though I don’t think that little fun fact will matter much once the bell rings and Carwin starts charging across the cage. Like his 44-second mouthpiece-ejecting knockout of Christian Wellisch at UFC 84, this match might turn into another stunning KO win for the up-and-coming Carwin.

Finally, British welterweight star Dan Hardy (19-6) is set to make his Octagon debut against Akihiro Gono. Hardy is the reigning Cage Warriors welterweight champion, and has only suffered one loss (via disqualification) in his last nine fights. Gono (28-12-7) is a veteran of Shooto, Pancrase, and PRIDE who won his UFC debut last November by tapping Tamdan McCrory with an armbar at UFC 78; injury has prevented him from competing since.

($225,000: Enough to buy a new pickup truck and a healthy white baby.)

Official salary and bonus numbers for UFC 84′s fighters have been released by the Nevada State Athletic Commission. Here’s how the guys stacked up:

B.J. Penn: $250,000 ($125,000 to show, $125,000 to win)
Wanderlei Silva: $225,000 ($150,000 to show*, $75,000 for Knockout of the Night)
Tito Ortiz: $210,000
Lyoto Machida: $100,000 ($50,000 to show, $50,000 to win)
Wilson Gouveia: $93,000 ($18,000 to show, $75,000 for Fight of the Night)
Rousimar Palhares: $85,000 ($5,000 to show, $5,000 to win, $75,000 for Submission of the Night)
Goran Reljic: $81,000 ($3,000 to show, $3,000 to win, $75,000 for Fight of the Night)
Rameau Thierry Sokoudjou: $80,000 ($40,000 to show, $40,000 to win)
Thiago Silva: $50,000 ($25,000 to show, $25,000 to win)
Rich Clementi: $40,000 ($20,000 to show, $20,000 to win)
Dong Hyun Kim: $40,000 ($20,000 to show, $20,000 to win)
Sean Sherk: $35,000
Kazuhiro Nakamura: $20,000
Ivan Salaverry: $20,000
Shane Carwin: $12,000 ($6,000 to show, $6,000 to win)
Yoshiyuki Yoshida: $12,000 ($6,000 to show, $6,000 to win)
Terry Etim: $10,000
Keith Jardine: $10,000
Christian Wellisch: $10,000
Jon Koppenhaver: $8,000
Antonio Mendes: $4,000
Jason Tan: $3,000
* Wanderlei Silva’s guaranteed $150,000 salary doesn’t depend on a win bonus.

Overpaid: Wilson Gouveia. Looking back on UFC 84 a year from now, is the two-round almost-war between Gouveia and Goran Reljic going to be remembered by anyone? Yes, Reljic’s relentless left head-kicks were pretty, but Gouveia should have eventually figured out that they were coming. (For us, the presence of Mirko Cro Cop in Reljic’s corner was the early tip-off.)

Underpaid: A lot of people — particularly Shane Carwin, whose Knockout of the Night bonus was robbed from him by Wanderlei Silva. The way I saw it, Carwin’s single-punch, mouthpiece-ejecting KO of Christian Wellisch was more deserving then Wandy’s slightly more prolonged ground-and-pound TKO of Jardine, and Carwin could probably use the money more. Other than that, what the fuck is up with the UFC’s newcomers making three, four, and six thousand dollars to show? Goddamned slave wages. The UFC made $3.7 million off of “Ill Will”‘s gate; they could certainly afford to establish a minimum base salary of $10,000 for their fighters if they wanted to.

(Shane Carwin: Just one of the new faces looking for a big debut at UFC 84.)

— The UFC has confirmed the lineup for UFC 84: Ill Will (5/24, Las Vegas). Besides Penn/Sherk, Ortiz/Machida, and Silva/Jardine, the televised card will feature a light-heavyweight match between undefeated UFC newcomer Goran Reljic and Wilson Gouveia (who most recently knocked out Jason Lambert at UFC 80), as well as another 205-pound match between Thiago Silva and Octagon newbie Antonio “Samuray” Mendes. Ill Will’s undercard features appearances by Rameau Thierry Sokoudjou, Rob Emerson, Jon Koppenhaver, and new heavyweight acquisition Shane Carwin. Check out the complete card here.

— Shooto has announced their 20th anniversary show on May 3rd, and it’s shaping up to be a killer. Japanese welterweight star Hayato “Mach” Sakurai — whose last three fights resulted in wins against Hidetaka Monma at DREAM.1, Hidehiko Hasegawa at Yarennoka!, and Mac Danzig at PRIDE 33 — will be taking on 13-2 submission specialist David Baron, while “Lion” Takeshi Inoue and Rumina Sato will also compete against opponents to be named later.

— After suffering a nasty eye injury last September during a fight against Gesias Calvancante, Vitor “Shaolin” Ribeiro is back in the gym and planning his next move. That t-shirt he’s wearing should help to explain why we think he’s the fifth greatest lightweight in the world.

(Ed Herman: The guy who’s about to lose to the guy who could possibly be worthy of facing Anderson Silva one day.)

With just over a month to go until UFC 83, a pair of fights have been added to the preliminary card, bringing the event to a thick 11 fights total. The UFC announced today that TUF 3 finalist Ed “Short Fuse” Herman will take on undefeated Brazilian grappler Demian Maia, who choked out Ryan Jensen during his UFC debut last October; Herman is riding a three-fight win streak, his most recent being a knockout of Joe Doerksen at UFC 78 in November. The news follows up a weekend announcement confirming that heavyweights Brad Morris (8-2) and Cain Velasquez (2-0) will both make their Octagon debuts at UFC 83. Morris is a heavy-handed Australian striker who’s done time in King of the Cage and Bodog Fight. Despite his very limited professional experience, Velasquez was previously shouted out by his American Kickboxing Academy teammate Jon Fitch as the dude who will “turn the heavyweight world upside down in another year or two.”

With these additions, the final lineup to the April 19th Montreal show looks like this:

MAIN CARD
Matt Serra vs. Georges St. Pierre (for welterweight title)
Rich Franklin vs. Travis Lutter (middleweights)
Nate Quarry vs. Kalib Starnes (middleweights)
Michael Bisping vs. Charles McCarthy (middleweights)
Mac Danzig vs. Marc Bocek (lightweights)

PRELIMINARY CARD
Joe Doerksen vs. Jason MacDonald (middleweights)
Jason Day vs. Alan Belcher (middleweights)
Rich Clementi vs. Sam Stout (lightweights)
Kuniyoshi Hironaka vs. Jonathan Goulet (welterweights)
Ed Herman vs. Demian Maia (middleweights)
Brad Morris vs. Cain Velasquez (heavyweights)

So many middleweights, so little hope of ever beating Anderson Silva…

In other UFC news: