(Photo courtesy of Esther Lin at AllElbows.com)

Sometimes in life we must give up that which we love in order to pursue our dreams. It isn’t easy, and often it rips out some part of our soul, but we suck it up and do it anyway because that’s how badly we want to prove that the top of the MMA world is Japan. Just look at Shinya Aoki up there, stripped of his magic tights and forced to wear shorts like some narcissistic American surfer. Imagine the shame his family must feel. The utter disgrace. And yet, this is what the man is willing to go through to fight Gilbert Melendez in Strikeforce next Saturday. That’s called sacrifice, people.

While the date of Fedor Emelianenko‘s return is still uncertain, Strikeforce is moving ahead with plans for a monster CBS card in Nashville on April 17th, which is expected to feature three title fights. Along with the headlining middleweight title scrap between Dan Henderson and Jake Shields, MMA Weekly has reported that Gegard Mousasi will defend his light-heavyweight belt against top contender Muhammed "King Mo" Lawal. Mousasi, who is riding a 15-fight win streak, hasn’t officially defended his Strikeforce strap since winning it from Renato Sobral last August, but has scored wins over Rameau Thierry Sokoudjou (in a Strikeforce non-title fight) and Gary Goodridge (in a Dynamite!! 2009 squash match) since then. King Mo is 6-0 in his relatively short MMA career, and wrecked Mike Whitehead at his Strikeforce debut in December, but is facing a massive leap in competition against the Young Vagabond.

Also on the Shields vs. Henderson card, a lightweight title fight between Strikeforce champ Gilbert Melendez and DREAM champ Shinya Aoki has been booked, according to Sherdog; Aoki’s title will not be on the line. Melendez recently regained the Strikeforce belt in a rematch against Josh Thomson. Aoki became DREAM’s lightweight champ by submitting Joachim Hansen last October, then followed up that performance by breaking Mizuto Hirota’s arm.

Meanwhile, in the heavyweight division…

(Aoki vs. Sotiropoulos, Shooto: Champion Carnival, 10/14/06. Props: MiddleEasy. Fight starts at the 4:00 mark.)

Before he was a rising lightweight star in the UFC, George Sotiropoulos was just another Australian prospect trying to make a name for himself. In October 2006, Sotiropoulos found himself in the ring with Shinya Aoki, who had become the 170-pound boss of Shooto earlier that year. As you’ll see, Georgie spent the entire first round desperately defending leg-lock attempts. Clearly outmatched in the grappling department, he tried a different strategy as soon as round two started — he punted Aoki directly in the groin. The Tobikan Judan couldn’t continue, and the fight was ruled a DQ loss for Sotiropoulos. It wasn’t the first time that Aoki was stopped due to a foul, and it wouldn’t be the last. In 2005, Aoki earned a DQ victory over Shigetoshi Iwase thanks to a low blow, and his first meeting with Gesias Cavalcante ended in a no-contest due to some illegal elbows to the back of the head. Bad luck or overacting? And speaking of nasty nut shots…

After the jump: Former American Gladiator/"MMA fighter" Justice Smith kicks a man in the balls as hard as he can, in the name of science. 

(Props: letsfindjesus via Fightlinker)

As much as it seems that Joe Rogan has the world’s most kickass life, there are drawbacks to the kind of fame that comes from UFC color-commentary, stand-up comedy tours, and unconventional game shows. For instance, you sometimes have to deal with your genitals being stared at by sweaty, overweight teenagers, who are so brazen about their locker-room lust that even the presence of a video-camera doesn’t scare them away. Though let’s be honest, if Joe wasn’t a member of 10th Planet Jiu Jitsu, that creepy kid would probably be staring at some other guy’s dork, famous or not. But there is a ray of hope: According to a mole we have planted in the gym, Fatty Hogwatcher was recently banished from 10th Planet due to his meat-gazing and many other bizarre offenses. So rest easy, Mr. Rogan — unless this kid decides to move his stalking directly to your house, in which case you’re in for a world of hurt.

After the jump: Genghis Con’s look back at the rivalry between Shinya Aoki and Mizuto Hirota, which ended with Hirota suffering a broken arm and a middle finger in his face. Plus, GSP and Nate Marquardt throw down in the wrestling room at the University of Northern Colorado.

(And he was such a nice guy before he started hanging out with those Diaz boys. Photo courtesy of Fight Magazine.)

When Shinya Aoki broke Mizuto Hirota‘s arm at the New Year’s Eve Dynamite!! show and followed it up with the old ‘Tokyo Heybuddy,’ that didn’t sit too well with the people from Sengoku.  Not that they had any real reason to think that their lightweight champ would beat the Dream beltholder, but having him utterly destroyed and then publicly humiliated probably wasn’t what they had in mind when they agreed to that portion of the cross-promotional battle.  Now, says MMA Mania, Sengoku officials are asking for Aoki to be punished for his post-fight behavior, which they referred to as "erratic, unforgivable conduct," followed by what they believe to be a mostly insincere apology.

They’re right about one thing — Aoki probably isn’t all that sorry.  The move wasn’t exactly gentlemanly, but it was perfectly in line with the persona he had been cultivating in the lead-up to this fight.  This is the same guy who pretended not to know who the Sengoku champion was, who called the fight a "disgrace" to himself and his family, and who entertained himself at pre-fight press conferences by telling other fighters to shut up when their comments ran a little long for his liking.  If you were paying attention, you could have seen this coming.

(Props: MMA Scraps)

As if to prove that he has an excellent sense of humor about his inability to stay in a long-term monogamous relationship, Randy Couture jumped into the role of a fictitious divorce attorney for our amusement.  The acting isn’t great, but it is funny.  At least, it’s funny as long as you aren’t one of Couture’s ex-wives or children, and that’s such a small audience anyway so who cares if traumatic events in their lives are mined for a cheap laugh?  Certainly not us.  The day we value individual feelings over humor is the day we hang it up for good.

After the jump, proof that Dynamite!! 2009 was not Shinya Aoki‘s first time snapping a dude’s arm and generally not giving a fuck afterwards.

("The Theory of Competition." Props: Tap or Sleep via Fightlinker)

– Diego Sanchez’s amazingly drunken acceptance speech at the World MMA Awards. (Watch Kalib Run)

– The UFC 108 injury curse claims matchmaker Joe Silva. (MMA Weekly)

– Shinya Aoki sort of apologizes for awful behavior at Dynamite!! 2009. (Sherdog)

– Fitch vs. Alves rematch rescheduled for UFC 111 in March. (MMA Mania)

– "Best of PRIDE" highlight series debuts January 15th on Spike TV. (MMA Junkie)

– Rashad Evans credits Rampage Jackson with helping him cope with loss. (MMA Fighting)

– Which fighters were the biggest UFC draws in 2009? (MMA Payout)

– The worst NBA draft picks of the decade. (Bleacher Report)

– Get psyched for Bikini Model Search 2010. (Bullz-Eye)

– Five things to watch for in the Rose Bowl. (Scores Report)

– Hey, check out this monkey eating Jell-O. (Asylum)

– The top 10 New Year’s resolutions that all men should make. (Ask Men)

– Denzel Washington trains to kick ass for Book of Eli. (Screen Junkies)

– The top 10 NASCAR women of 2009. (All Left Turns)

– World leaders you didn’t know were drunk. (Made Man)

– Dominican kid goes berzerk on his classmates. (Nothing Toxic)

– Jessica Cho is your Girl of the Day. (Break)

From today’s epic New Year’s Eve card. Props to Watch Kalib Run.

(Shinya Aoki vs. Mizuto Hirota)

(Alistair Overeem vs. Kazuyuki Fujita)

From today’s Dynamite!! 2009 event in Saitama. Videos to come later...

- Masato def. Andy Souwer via unanimous decision (K-1 MAX bout)

- Hidehiko Yoshida def. Satoshi Ishii via unanimous decision
– Gegard Mousasi def. Gary Goodridge via TKO, round 1

DREAM vs. SRC
– Shinya Aoki def. Mizuto Hirota via injury stoppage (Aoki’s armlock snaps Hirota’s arm), round 1 (Channeling Nick Diaz and BJ Penn, Aoki followed up the gruesome submission by flipping Hirota the Tokyo Heybuddy, then telling the crowd to visit ShinyaAoki.com, which doesn’t even exist. What an asshole!)
– Alistair Overeem def. Kazuyuki Fujita via KO (knee), round 1
– Masanori Kanehara def. Norifumi "Kid" Yamamoto via unanimous decision
– Tatsuya Kawajiri def. Kazunori Yokota via unanimous decision
– Hideo Tokoro def. Jong Man Kim via unanimous decision
– Melvin Manhoef def. Kazuo Misaki via TKO, round 1 (this fight, along with Minowa/Sokoudjou were arguably early stoppages)
– Akihiro Gono def. Hayato Sakurai via submission (armbar), round 2
– Michihiro Omigawa def. Hiroyuki Takaya via TKO, round 1
– Hiroshi Izumi def. Katsuyori Shibata via unanimous decision
Final score: DREAM (5), Sengoku (4)

– Ray Sefo def. Yosuke Nishijima via unanimous decision (K-1 bout)

DREAM Super Hulk Final
– Ikuhisa Minowa def. Rameau Sokoudjou via TKO, round 3

K-1 Koshien Tournament:
– Masaaki Noiri def. Shota Shimada via unanimous decision (final)
– Shota Shimada def. Katsuki Ishida via majority decision (semi-final)
– Masaaki Noiri def. Hiroya via unanimous decision (semi-final)

(Gegard Mousasi tells reporters that training for the Gary Goodridge fight was "not good," and it was difficult to stay motivated. That’s the spirit. Video courtesy of YouTube.com/DREAM.)

We’re about 12 hours away from Fields Dynamite!! 2009 (3 a.m. ET, HDNet), which means it’s time to take whatever disposable income you have left after the holiday season and throw it all away on ill-informed sports betting. Check out the official fight lineup below courtesy of MMA Junkie, and the odds courtesy of Bodog, which seems to be the only major online bookmaker taking wagers on this mess. You ready to see some squash matches?

– Masato (-175) vs. Andy Souwer (+145) (K-1)
– Gegard Mousasi vs. Gary Goodridge — odds not listed on Bodog, likely due to the lateness of the booking, though the line is reportedly -1100/+600.
– Shinya Aoki (-500) vs. Mizuto Hirota (+300)
– Alistair Overeem (-1100) vs. Kazuyuki Fujita (+600)
– Satoshi Ishii (-325) vs. Hidehiko Yoshida (+250)
– Norofumi "Kid" Yamamoto (-550) vs. Masanori Kanehara (+350)
– Tatsuya Kawajiri (-525) vs. Kazunori Yokota (+325)
– Hideo Tokoro (-215) vs. Jong Man Kim (+175)
– Kazuo Misaki (-180) vs. Melvin Manhoef (+150)
– Hayato "Mach" Sakurai (-205) vs. Akihiro Gono (+165)
– Hiroyuki Takaya (-135) vs. Michihiro Omigawa (+105)
– Katsuyori Shibata (-135) vs. Hiroshi Izumi (+105)
– Hiroya/Noiri winner vs. Ishida/Shimada winner (K-1 KOSHIEN final)
– Ray Sefo (-600) vs. Yosuke Nishijima (+400) (K-1)
– Rameau Thierry Sokoudjou (-325) vs. Ikuhisa Minowa (+250)
– Katsuki Ishida vs. Shota Shimada (K-1 KOSHIEN semifinal)
– Hiroya vs. Masaaki Noiri (K-1 KOSHIEN semifinal)
– Tsukasa Fuji vs. Ryuya Kusakabe (K-1 KOSHIEN semifinal reserve)

Now then…

(‘Wait, this Mousasi? The dude that’s been beating the hell out of everybody, that’s the guy ya’ll want me to fight? Gentlemen, I think there’s been a misunderstanding.’)

Greetings from the City of the Rising Sun, Potato Nation.  Yours truly is spending New Year’s in Tokyo to attend the Fields Dynamite!! show (you’ll be able to read all about the experience in a future Fight Magazine issue), and already it’s been quite a learning experience.  For instance, I just got back from the press conference where I was surrounded by a horde of teenage girls who waited for over an hour just to fawn over Masato.  Alistair Overeem, Gegard Mousasi, and Shinya Aoki?  To these girls they barely seemed worth the effort to flip open their trinket-laden cell phones and snap a photo.

The event organizers expect to draw at least 35,000 fans to the Saitama Super Arena for the show, and representatives from both Dream and Sengoku did their best to pump up the lukewarm rivalry between the two organizations, though without much apparent interest from the fans.  A couple things worth noting:

10. Tom Lawlor sings CB Dollaway a lullaby

(UFC 100, 7/11/09)

Tom Lawlor was a 2-1 underdog in his bout with C.B. Dollaway at UFC 100. Conventional wisdom said that he’d be an entertaining guy to have on the card prior to the opening horn, but wouldn’t stand much of a chance against Dollaway’s dominant wrestling and smirking self-assurance. The entertaining part turned out to be true. Lawlor painted himself in homage to the infamous Just Bleed Guy for the weigh-in, and then used man-dog Seth Petruzelli as a prop in his entrance. That’s where the fun was supposed to stop, but just seconds into the first round he locked up an arm-in guillotine choke off a Dollaway takedown attempt and held on to it until his opponent’s lip uncurled and his eyes rolled back in his head. Maybe it wasn’t the most technically brilliant move, but he did choke C.B. Dollaway unconscious, which meant we didn’t have to listen to him talk for a little while. That ought to be worth something.

9. Jake Rosholt ruins Chris Leben’s hometown party

(UFC 102, 8/29/09)

UFC 102 in Portland, Oregon was supposed to be Chris Leben’s homecoming. Coming off a long steroid suspension following his loss against Michael Bisping, he drew the relatively inexperienced Jake Rosholt in his return. But early on in the fight it became apparent that Leben came to throw wild, looping bombs, while Rosholt came to fight a mixed martial arts bout. After trading on the feet for a little while Rosholt finally got smart and put Leben on his back long enough to lock up an arm-triangle choke. Leben considered tapping, but didn’t get around to it before his brain called it quits. Somehow, Rosholt got cut after losing his next bout, while Leben still has a job with the UFC. This crazy world.

(DREAM vs. SRC video trailer. Props to YouTube.com/DREAM and Led Zeppelin.)

With less than a week to go until the show, more matchups have been announced for Dynamite!! 2009, building on the event’s DREAM vs. Sengoku Raiden Championship theme. In middleweight action, veteran knockout artist Melvin Manhoef (23-6-1 overall, 2-2 in DREAM) will face Japanese mainstay Kazuo Misaki (22-9-2 overall, 3-1 in Sengoku). Though Manhoef had five kickboxing matches this year, his only MMA appearance in 2009 was a first-round submission loss to Paulo Filho at DREAM.10, in which he succumbed to an armbar after whipping Filho for the first two minutes of the fight. Misaki is coming off a submission victory over Kazuhiro Nakamura in August, followed by a brief athletic suspension for talking on his cellphone while driving, which resulted in him smashing into a police car.

(Aoki has been on the internet all day trying to figure out who these Sengoku jokers are. It would probably help if he didn’t keep pausing every five minutes to shop for new tights on Amazon.)

Instead of splitting the Japanese MMA vote with two separate New Year’s Eve events, Sengoku and Dream have decided to not only combine their efforts, but to pit several of their fighters against one another in a Sengoku vs. Dream battle royal.  Of course, because they’re still a little over a month away from the event, the organizers haven’t seen fit to nail down the complete fight card yet.  That’s just not how they do, but chances are that the final lineup will be co-headlined by the K-1 bout between Masato Kobayashi and Andy Souwer, along with Hidehiko Yoshida taking on MMA newcomer Satoshi Ishii in the battle of the gold medalist judokas.

Aside from that, it’s a toss up.  Several cross-promotional fights are expected, but far from finalized.  If you were hoping to see Dream lightweight champ Shinya Aoki take on Sengoku lightweight champ Mizuto Hirota, well, first you’ll need to explain to Aoki exactly who Hirota is:

"Who’s the champion now? Because I don’t know,” [Aoki] said. “Right now, I’m number one. I feel that I’m [at the] top now, and if I fight him, I fight him. I didn’t say I wanted to fight him, and no one knows who he is, so if we fight … well, I’ll have to think about it.”
 

Oh, Shinya.  You crazy guy.  Allow us to provide a little primer for you after the jump. 

As promised, here’s the Shinya Aoki-Joachim Hansen bout from last night’s Dream event, though watching the whole thing is going to take a decent chunk out of your afternoon.  In the interest of making the most of your time, you might just want to skip to the 10:58 mark to see the upkick to the groin, followed by the upkicks to the face from Hansen.  Guy Mezger and Michael Schiavello seem ready to assume that Aoki is faking it, and although he does seem to get some preferential treatment from the ref at times in this fight, the replays confirm that he got kicked in the pills before taking the shots to the head.  So give him a break, would you? 

After you’ve lived through that fiasco, you might as well move on to the second round.  In the last two minutes Hansen is unlucky enough to end up with Aoki mounted on him, and that rarely leads to anything good.  His calm demeanor after getting stuck in the armbar makes you think he’s going to last until the end of the round with no problem, but that Aoki is a slick one.  Up next for him?  Probably a showdown with Tatsuya Kawajiri on the New Year’s Eve show.  Also expected for that event is Bob Sapp vs. a puppy.  No word yet on the breed of the puppy, but it is thought to be adorable.  Oddsmakers have pegged it an early -175 favorite over Sapp. 

Bibiano Fernandes vs. Hiroyuki Takaya, plus some press conference footage, is after the jump.

(Props: YouTube.com/UFC)

After two consecutive knockouts over Thiago Silva and Rashad Evans, Dana White can finally start referring to Lyoto Machida as fighter who "loves to stand up and bang." Which is a good thing, because it might be hard to sell UFC 104‘s main event otherwise: Two Brazilians, one of them an elusive karate practitioner, the other a former PRIDE champ on the decline who got his title shot out of convenience and who will probably lose this fight. In the above preview, Joe Rogan makes sure to remind us of Shogun’s glory days, and Dana White reminds us that Rua most recently knocked out Chuck Liddell ["Chuck Liddell, Chuck Liddell"]. Still, Lyoto is impossible to hit and incredibly efficient with his attacks. Can Rua be a legitimate threat to his title, or will he be dominated and demoralized like everyone else the Dragon has faced in the Octagon? Also, Cain Velasquez gets props for the way he rebounded from abuse in his last fight against Cheick Kongo, but Ben Rothwell guarantees that Mr. Brown Pride has never been hit as hard as he’s gonna hit him. I mean, just look at those clips of Rothwell beating the crap out of Andrei Arlovski. (Rothwell won that fight, right?)

(Props: spicadocious via Fightlinker)

This kickass highlight reel — which could also be titled "Rise of the Whitemare" — covers DREAM’s welterweight grand prix from earlier this year, in which Marius Zaromskis smashed his way to the top of an eight-man field that also included such notables as Hayato Sakurai, Shinya Aoki, and Andre Galvao. Highlights include Zaromskis’s fake-flying-knee superman punch at the 2:39 mark, and of course his knockout-of-the-year candidate against Jason High at the 4:19 mark. DREAM returns on October 8th with the semifinals and finals of its featherweight grand prix, the second round of the Super Hulk Tournament, and the lightweight title fight between Joachim Hansen and Shinya Aoki.

After the jump: Anderson Silva shows off his boxing skills against a local pugilist at Freddie Roach’s boxing club.

(More oddball grappling exhibitions between fighters separated by four weight classes? Yes please! Photo courtesy of Sportsnavi)

From MMA Fanhouse:

(In the animal kingdom, playing dead can be considered an intelligent defense. In an MMA fight, not so much. Photo courtesy of Sherdog.)

Yesterday’s event may have been low on spectacle, but DREAM plans to come back strong for their next show. Here’s what’s on the card for DREAM.11 (October 6th, Yokohama):

— The long-awaited rubber-match between Shinya Aoki and Joachim Hansen. The two top-ten lightweights first met at PRIDE Shockwave 2006, where Aoki took out Hellboy via gogoplata. But Hansen got revenge last July, scoring a brutal TKO over Aoki at DREAM’s lightweight GP finals. Hansen has been inactive since that fight, while Aoki has gone 4-1, earning victories over Eddie Alvarez and Vitor Ribeiro, with his only loss to Hayato Sakurai in an ill-advised welterweight match.

(Zaromskis vs. High. Props to MMA Linker.)

We should have known there would be trouble after Hayato "Mach" Sakurai needed seven and a half extra hours to make weight for today’s DREAM’s welterweight GP finals. The tournament favorite might have been fighting through exhaustion when he met Marius Zaromskis in the semis, in a bout marked by wild striking exchanges. Sakurai absorbed the more damaging blows, and the fight was halted about four minutes in so that doctors could check on a spurting gash under Mach’s left eye. When it was finally restarted after a long break, Zaromskis measured up Sakurai then threw a high left kick that put his lights out. A few more punches on the ground, and it was game over.

On the other side of the bracket, Jason High scored an upset of his own, handing jiu-jitsu juggernaut Andre Galvao his first MMA loss in a very close decision fight; one judge gave it to Galvao for his submission attempts in the first round, while the other two saw it for High due to his superior striking in the second. But the thrill of victory wouldn’t last long for High, as Zaromskis scored another head kick knockout — this time with the right leg — in their finals match.

In non-tournament action, Shinya Aoki outpointed Vitor Ribeiro in a disappointingly dull 15-minute bout, Dong Sik Yoon had to quit just a minute into his fight against Jesse Taylor after suffering a foot injury, and Paulo Filho survived a brutal striking assault from Melvin Manhoef and won the fight via armbar in what might be the leading contender for comeback fight of 2009. Complete results and more DREAM.10 fight videos are after the jump.

After making my MMA highlight reel debut with "Sakuraba: Survivor," I decided to follow it up with a new compilation that’s both shorter and less depressing. The concept of "Stranglehold" is quite simple: Here are some of the most creative and infamous choke-submissions in recent MMA history, soundtracked by Ted Nugent. The cast of characters include Nate Diaz, Dan Miller, Renato "Babalu" Sobral, Shinya Aoki, BJ Penn, Nick Diaz, Demian Maia, CB Dollaway, and Toby Imada. Let me know what you think, and if you dig it, please share with a friend.

(BG)

(The flannel is coming back, bitches.)

Fresh off this morning’s Dream.9, which we’ll go ahead and call a success in the sense that no one died during the “ridiculously stupendous” freak show portion of the evening, Dream already has some plans for their next event, predictably titled Dream.10.  The organization announced that WAMMA lightweight champion (that’s still a real thing, right?) Shinya Aoki will face Vitor “Shaolin” Ribeiro in what will be Aoki’s first actual MMA fight since his TKO loss to Hayato “Mach” Sakurai.

Also at Dream.10, Melvin Manhoef will take on mercurial former WEC middleweight champion Paulo Filho in a fight that could be an awesome clash of styles or a complete mess.  I think we can all agree that Filho stands a good chance if he shows up in shape, focused, and not with one foot in the spirit world, but will get absolutely decapitated if he wigs out like he did against Chael Sonnen in his last fight.  Either way, it’s a strong addition to the July 20th fight card, which also includes the semi-final and final rounds of the Dream welterweight grand prix tournament, and possibly even the return of Kazushi Sakuraba.  Because hey, he’s not dead yet, and he’d prefer that the end come in the ring in front of a silent arena of Japanese fans.

In other bookings news…

Man, all this talk about boxers doing MMA is almost enough to make a fella forget about the ground game.  We’ve got the cure for that problem: a bunch of goddamn grappling videos.  Up first, Fedor Emelianenko flings Gegard Mousasi around just for fun.  After the jump, Demian Maia‘s jiu-jitsu highlights are an indispensable part of any grappling examination, Shinya Aoki has a quick one against Marcelo Garcia, plus more.

(Props: Fightlinker)

At long last, we present the video of Wednesday’s grappling exhibition between Fedor Emelianenko and Shinya Aoki at DEEP/M-1 Challenge 3rd Edition. As you’ll see, the whole thing was really just a good-natured joke, with both fighters putting on a display that was more slapstick than combat. (But man do Emelianenko’s throws look smooth when they’re done with a 160-pound training dummy.) Fun stuff. Now let’s see the UFC do this with Lesnar and Penn…

(Photos courtesy of Sportsnavi)

Though it was officially ruled "no winner" due to its status as an exhibition match, Fedor Emelianenko pretty much manhandled Shinya Aoki earlier today in Tokyo during their Sambo-ish bout at DEEP/M-1 Challenge 3rd Edition, tossing the Japanese lightweight around the ring before finishing him with a leglock. According to one fan’s report on BloodyElbow:

(The hoax match-up the world has been talking about since never.)

It’s a crazy rumor no more.  Now Fedor Emelianenko vs. Shinya Aoki is a crazy fact, according to press release sent out today by M-1 Global.  The two will square off in a "five-minute special sparring exhibition" at the "M-1 Challenge Presented by Affliction" on April 29 in Tokyo.  So what will the lightweight and the heavyweight try to do to each other over the course of the most bizarre and pointless five minutes in MMA history?  According to the press release:

Complete rules of the Fedor vs. Aoki sparring exhibition are still being negotiated, but it will be presented as a special attraction during a 19-bout event scheduled to feature head-to-head M-1 Challenge matchups between host country Japan vs. England, Team USA West vs. South Korea, and Spain vs. France.

Well, that’s appropriately vague.  I guess this is what happens when you start to run out of credible opponents (who won’t ask for a lot money to fight you) but you still want to get out of the house and break a sweat: you spar with a skinny guy in tights.  Sounds reasonable.  Oh, wait.  No, it’s completely insane.  But what do we expect at this point?

(When he told her it was time to retire and give up the game for good, a tearful Paris Hilton told Dana: "But I am the game!" Only then did he fully understand the devils of fame and the ransom they demand. True story.)

- UFC president Dana White talked with Inside Fighting about the disappointing main event at UFC 97, and he also reiterated his commitment to keeping Chuck Liddell firmly in retirement, saying, “Believe me, it will be a fucking war if he tries not to retire, believe me.”  When pressed on other rapidly aging fighters who might need to be nudged into retirement, White admitted that Wanderlei Silva and Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira “are right there too and yes, I will pull the trigger on them too.”  Dear God, he’s not going to kill them, is he?!

- A crazy rumor on the information superhighway says that Fedor Emelianenko and Shinya Aoki will square off against each other in a special grappling match at the “Deep M-1 Challenge 3rd Edition” in Japan on April 29th.  I’ll pause a moment and let that one sink in.  If true this would be completely insane, but to deny that we would totally want to see it would be to deny the very curiosity of the spirit that makes us human, and we aren’t about to do that.

In the wake of Shinya “The Man In Tights” Aoki’s TKO loss to “Mach” Sakurai at Dream.8, a lot of MMA pollsters are debating what this does to Aoki’s status in the lightweight division and his pound-for-pound ranking.  As we’ve said in the past, rankings are mostly useless speculation, but fun nonetheless, so we’ll entertain for the moment the idea that this is worth debating.  

When determining how Aoki deserves to fall in the rankings, you have to take a few different factors into consideration:

1) Quality of Opponent
The simple rule is, if you lose to a guy you were expected to lose to, you don’t suffer much from it.  It basically means you, like the Chicago Bears, are who we thought you were.  But if you lose to a guy you were expected to beat, like a Paulo Thiago, it can hurt you bad.  Sakurai is a solid fighter.  He’s been around forever, has beaten some good fighters and lost to some great fighters.  He consistently hangs around the perimeter of the welterweight top ten, so there’s no shame in dropping a fight to him, at least if you looked like you belonged in there with him.  Which leads us to our next variable…

(Hayato Sakurai vs. Shinya Aoki. Listen for the Japanese version of Frank Trigg calling the action at the 1:20-1:27 mark of the video.)

The opening round of DREAM’s 2009 welterweight grand prix went down today at DREAM.8 in Nagoya, Japan, with Hayato Sakurai and Andre Galvao establishing themselves as early favorites to go all the way. In the evening’s main event, Sakurai was able to defeat Shinya Aoki for the second time in his career, reversing position after a slick takedown from Aoki, then unleashing a brutal series of knees to the head and punches that forced a stop to the action just 27 seconds into the fight. Aoki, who didn’t bother putting on weight for the match, hopefully learned that he’s better off at lightweight.

Elsewhere in the welterweight GP, Andre Galvao looked impressive yet again, taking out UFC/WEC vet John Alessio by armbar at 7:34 of the first round; the powerful jiu-jitsu ace increases his record to 3-0, with all wins by armbar. Jason High was able to bounce back to the W column with a quick choke-out of Yuya Shirai, while Marius Zaromskis edged out Seichi Ikemoto by decision after a 15-minute slugfest.

In the non-tournament bouts, Jeff Monson won for the third time in three weeks (!), using his significant grappling advantage over Sergei Kharitonov to sink in a north-south choke early in the first round. Vitor "Shaolin" Ribeiro was also victorious in his return to competition, controlling Katsuhiko Nagata for most of the first round of their match until a series of knee-strikes from Ribeiro opened up a nasty gash on Nagata’s head; doctors immediately went in to check the wound, and decided to stop the fight. And in a minor upset, Riki Fukuda — a late replacement for Dong Sik Yoon — was able to score a very close decision over Murilo Rua after a 15-minute standup battle.

Full results and more videos after the jump…

(Via DreamOfficial.com)

Above you see the interpretive dance routine choreagraphed and directed by Shigeru Saeki in its debut at the Dream 8 weigh-ins.  A stunned Shinya Aoki watched from just off-stage.  He later described the routine to reporters as "breathtaking."

Then this guy showed up and ruined everybody’s fun.