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15 Moments of Instant Regret [GIFs]

Tag: steroid testing

“Strikeforce Grand Prix: Barnett vs. Kharitonov” Drug Test Results: Everyone, Yes Everyone, Pisses Clean

“Not only have I never done steroids, I wouldn’t know who to approach if I wanted to buy them.” (Photo: MMAMania.com)

Thus far the Strikeforce Heavyweight Grand Prix has laughed in the face of safe bets. Tournament favorites Fedor Emelianenko and Alistair Overeem aren’t just out of the competition, they’re out of the promotion. With Daniel Cormier in the finals, I’m kicking myself for not throwing down that $1 bet on “Any fighter not listed”. Now continuing with that trend, it is being reported that following his victory over Sergei Kharitonov, Josh Barnett pissed a sample so warm, so pure that it may as well have been bottled in the foothills of Machida Springs™.

MMAJunkie.com confirmed the results with Bernie Profato of the Ohio Athletic Commission. Given the “War Master’s” storied past with P.E.D.’s, there were legitimate concerns that this tournament could end in a Trilogy-style disaster, but he passed both pre-and-post-fight tests. In your face, us!

Other fighters tested and found clean were: Sergei Kharitonov, Daniel Cormier, Antonio Silva, Luke Rockhold, Ronaldo “Jacare” Souza, Mike Kyle, and Yoel Romero. Congrats, men: you’re either in that “very small percentage” of fighters who don’t juice, or in that big group smart enough to pass the tests.

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Watch Out, MMA Drug-Cheats: The NSAC Vows to Look Closer at Your Junk

Kevin Randleman Strikeforce MMA photos
(That’s the face of a man who values his privacy. Photoprops: Esther Lin/Strikeforce)

You know, when I woke up this morning, I never expected to read a news story involving Kevin Randleman‘s possibly-fake penis. But unfortunately, I did — and since I can’t get that horrible image out of my head, you’re going to have to hear about it too. Here’s Nevada State Athletic Commission Executive Director Keith Kizer talking to MMAJunkie about the infamous Randleman-at-PRIDE 32 situation, which was the last time that his commission’s testing body has been burned by fake urine:

Kizer said Randleman’s deception began with the collection of his sample.

“What he did was he grabbed the inner-thigh of his shorts, kind of pulled it open, stuck out what we thought was the tip of his penis – it was the same color as the rest of his skin – and then urinated in the cup and gave it to our inspector,” he said…

(Ed. note: See, for me, that “same color as the rest of his skin” bit would be a dead giveaway. Everybody knows that wiener-skin is a shade darker than the rest of the guy it’s attached to. Come on, where were these NSAC guys licensed, anyway? Moving on…)

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