(Kimo is upset about your 2.7 GPA, but only because he knows you could do better if you would just apply yourself.)

Kimo Leopoldo’s campaign/publicity stunt to become executive officer of the California State Athletic Commission continues this week, as a press release sent out on his behalf accuses the CSAC of widespread corruption and cover-ups, claiming, "Somebody or some group apparently is trying to hide the degree of corruption in CSAC," in part because former executive director Armando Garcia "was allegedly caught with $350,000 (in cash) in his locker, but he was allowed to resign instead of being prosecuted."

Leopoldo claims that once he’s in charge he’ll allow the staff to stay in their positions if they cooperate with an FBI investigation, and says, “temporary executive officer Dean Lohouis isn’t any different than Armando [Garcia]. The CSAC needs change and I’m willing to provide therapy.”

Get it?  “Kimo” therapy?  Like the excruciating treatment for cancer patients?  It’s a play on words.

The good news is Leopoldo would also like to bring his message of ‘I did steroids so you don’t have to’ to California high schools:

(Nothing says professionalism like hauling a big wooden cross around.)

When I read this press release announcing that former steroid-user and general MMA punchline Kimo Leopoldo was applying to be Executive Officer of the California State Athletic Commission, I assumed that someone was jerking my chain, as the kids say.  But this application letter would have me believe that he is totally cereal:

Please accept this letter as the submission of my written qualifications for the application of the position of Executive Officer for the California State Athletic Commission (CSAC). It is with great pleasure and humility I offer my qualifications as an advanced equivalent for the position of Executive Officer for all of the reasons detailed below. … As a 14 year veteran in the professional kickboxing and MMA industry, I believe I hold a
heightened degree of expertise in understanding and working with fighters, matchmakers, managers, promoters, various professional associations, members of the press, venue operators, attorneys, the general public, and the commission and other governmental regulators on an international and national level.

[…]

And since it is going to eventually come up in the process, I will address my use of Steroids in this application letter. Yes, I used Steroids in my past to help support my efforts as a professional athlete/fighter. However, my experiences whether negative or positive have given me greater insight into the crutches of life’s downfalls and my decisions today come from experiences. I will say that my choices and decision making ability are educated decisions and made from a position of informed consent, as opposed to blind guidance . I can be honest about my past and can look a fighter in the eye and tell him/her with great confidence that use of illicit substances is not worth the future health issues it creates nor is it worth the risk they are taking against their license.

Way to turn your past steroid use into an asset rather than a liability, Kimo.  Looks like someone has been reading those MSN articles about how to ace a job interview.

(Photo courtesy of MMA Weekly.)

The California State Athletic Commission came down hard on Antonio Silva for flouting his steroid suspension and fighting in Japan last weekend, but they also proposed to fine and suspend his manager, American Top Team’s Alex Davis, for setting up the bout.  Davis isn’t taking the action lying down however, as he told us this afternoon that he plans to pursue the matter in civil court.

“We’ve got to.  I don’t see any other options at this point,” said Davis, who maintains that he can prove Silva’s innocence on the steroid charges.  “We’re going to go through civil court.”

Davis described the CSAC’s action against himself and Silva’s cornermen as an attempt to “extend their jurisdiction to the whole world,” and said Silva was motivated by financial necessity to take a fight in Japan after the CSAC turned down his appeal on the steroid charges.

“Antonio has acromegaly.  He has to treat it.  He spends between $6,000 and $8,000 a month just on medicine for it,” Davis said.  “He needs to be able to keep fighting to make a living.  If it’s between Antonio’s health and pleasing the athletic commission, we have to choose his health.”

(If that’s not a man ready to be kissed, then everything I’ve learned watching "The Pick-Up Artist" is wrong.)

Antonio “Bigfoot” Silva seems intent on proclaiming his innocence on the steroid charge all the way to Japan, where he faces Yoshihiro “Kiss” Nakao on January’s Sengoku card.  But don’t think he isn’t focused on his opponent’s not-so secret weapon.  If Nakao tries to put a little love on Silva’s lips, he’ll be in trouble.  At least I think that’s what this bizarre quote is meant to insinuate:

You need to be careful with the kisses too, huh?

Man, we are training this too. We’re training Jiu-Jitsu, Wrestling and that too (laughter), maintain a certain distance not to take that risk. My hands are kind of big and I’ll always take care not to get close. Who did once can do twice, I don’t want to have problems, I want to get there and fight. I don’t like jokes, I have no disinclination to any professional who I’d fought, and thank God I like all of them and they all liked me.

His hands are big?  This is related to kissing?  Did he mean lips or, I’ll just say it, head?  Who knows, but these translated interviews from Tatame are always fun to decipher.  I am a little disappointed to hear that Bigfoot doesn’t like jokes, though.  Has he heard the one about the boy who cried ‘false positive’?  You know what, nevermind.  I don’t think he’s in the mood for it.

As for whether Nakau will try and kiss him, the only advice I can offer is if you feel it, don’t be afraid to show it, man.  You don’t want to go through life wondering, ‘what if I had tried to kiss that big, weird-looking Brazilian guy?’  Trust me, it’s the worst kind of regret there is.

(“I used to take steroids. I still do, but I used to, too.” Photo courtesy of MMAonTap.)

Though he’s not allowed to fight in the U.S. again until July 26, 2009 because of his steroid suspension, Antonio Silva is close to signing a deal that would have him fight at Sengoku‘s January 4th event in Saitama, Japan. I guess this means that Sengoku plans on being the highest bidder when Silva’s contract is auctioned off on Monday. According to Tatame, Silva is “entering the common justice against the athletic commission” that upheld his suspension, which may be their way of saying he’s taking the law into his own hands. Fair enough; we didn’t really put much faith in Armando Garcia‘s rulings anyway.

Nightmare of Battle wonders if Sengoku’s recent pursuit of heavyweights — Dave Herman and Roger Gracie have reportedly received offers, and a fight between Josh Barnett and Kevin Randleman is rumored for the January event — indicates that a heavyweight Grand Prix could be in the works. How badass would that be? We’d say that’s worth defying the CSAC over — though there’s the risk that American MMA organizations would hold a permanent grudge against Bigfoot for fighting while under suspension, and refuse to work with him after the suspension is over. But it’s hard to resist the competitive urge when you’re an athlete. Maybe Silva hopes that everybody in the U.S. will have forgotten about his little horse-steroid misunderstanding by next summer?

(“Braaaiiins!” Photo courtesy of Sherdog.)

Michael Bisping, quoted in Setanta Sports:

“I have to admit I was disappointed when I heard. You know, when all’s said and done, I like Chris Leben. He conducted himself well before and after the fight and, as I say, I like the guy. I’m a little disappointed that he’s done what he’s done, bringing the sport into disrepute, but it’s not really my place to have an opinion on it.

The UFC, as they always do, have set the example with the punishment — and they’re right to do that. Should he banned for life? I don’t think so, people make mistakes, people learn from mistakes. Plenty of fighters have recovered after testing positive, the standard is set at nine months and it would be unfair to go any harsher on Chris…

I don’t know if it makes my win any better, you can make a case for it because — without wanting to start slinging mud — he did cheat and I didn’t. I don’t know why he did it or if he knew he was doing it, but I know my performance was purely down to blood, sweat and tears — and that’s all the satisfaction I need.”

If nothing else, this has to be good for Bisping’s confidence; even a juiced Chris Leben could barely put a mark on the Count’s face. If his next opponent does turn out to be Dan Henderson, he’ll need that confidence and then some. Meanwhile, Leben will have to find an even higher power to trust in if he plans on rescuing his career after his nine-month time-out comes to an end.

(In Brock’s defense, he is really, really white.)

We all know why Brock Lesnar deals with accusations and insinuations about steroid use. It’s because he’s a white dude. Right? Simply couldn’t be any other explanation. At least that’s what he told Pro MMA Radio:

“I’ve been accused of using steroids my entire life, probably since the tenth grade in high school… I’ve never failed a drug test. Now if I was a black guy and I looked the way I do would I get asked this question a 100 times? I just happen to be a white guy that has some great genetics, so I guess that puts a bullseye on me… I’m a white dude that’s shredded and you don’t see a lot of it — a guy that’s walking around that looks like me.”

I feel silly even typing this, but I think Brock Lesnar is oversimplifying this issue. I kind of see his point. Almost. But in answer to his question, if he was a 280-pound black man who was a former pro wrestler and who looked like an action figure, I tend to think that he would still get roughly the same amount of steroid questions. Does the name Bob Sapp sound familiar?

If Brock is tired of being asked about steroids, I have bad news for him. Unless he suddenly starts to resemble a normal human being it isn’t likely to stop. Perhaps his piles of money will console him.

(Props: MMA Mania)

(Epic fail, this time of the drug test variety.)

Remember the story heading into UFC 89 about how Chris Leben had matured and kicked the booze and turned his life around? Forget that, because his life has just turned back around with the word today that Leben tested positive for steroids after his bout with Michael Bisping in England last month.

Leben popped positive for Stanozolol and has been suspended for nine months by the UFC and fined one-third of his fight purse. To make things worse, there’s not even any athletic commission-mandated testing in England, so it was the UFC’s own internal testing system that caught him. At least Leben isn’t playing innocent. He apparently admitted using the drug, but told Dana White he thought it would be out of his system in time for the test. So, you know, that makes it okay, right?

Leben’s official mea culpa:

“I’ve really done everything I can to turn my life around,” said Leben.

“And this is a huge setback for me. But it’s something I will have to deal with. During my time off from fighting, I want to speak to kids about the dangers of using performance enhancing agents and let them know it just doesn’t get you ahead in life. Of course, this is a hard hit for me monetarily, but more so this is embarrassing for me and for all my fans.”

Jesus, he’s already doing the ‘I want to talk to kids’ thing? The fight was just a few weeks ago. What idiot publicist fed him that painfully transparent line? Just for perspective on this, let’s recap Leben’s recent career decisions:

(Keep your freakishly large chin up, buddy.)

Antonio “Bigfoot” Silva — who tested positive for the anabolic steroid Boldenone after whipping Justin Eilers back in July to win EliteXC’s vacant heavyweight title — appealed his drug suspension before the California State Athletic Commission earlier today. Unfortunately, it was an utter failure, as the CSAC refused to budge, upholding his 12-month suspension and $2,500 fine. This, of course, comes a day after we learn that EliteXC is dead, which means that Silva’s championship belt isn’t worth the leather its printed on. And it’s only Wednesday!

As we kind of predicted, all the lawyers and credible alibis in the world won’t save you after California decides you’re a steroid user. [Ed. note: Read the first comment in the last link. Mayhem420? More like Nostradamus420!] So anyway, Silva can’t fight again until July 26th, 2009. Things could definitely be worse — he should be able to live comfortably off the $200,000 he made in his last fight, and he could always earn some extra cash here and there as a training partner. But the question is, what happens when his suspension is over? EliteXC is six feet under. Affliction would be a good fit for Silva with their beefy heavyweight division, but there’s no guarantee they’ll be around next July. Would the UFC pick up a fighter coming off of a steroid suspension — and who was formerly associated with EliteXC — or would they shut him out just to prove a point? If I were Bigfoot, I’d start sending muffin baskets to Scott Coker at Strikeforce…

(Photo courtesy of FCFighter.com.)

No, it’s not like he was hoping we’d all forget about it. EliteXC’s heavyweight champion Antonio “Bigfoot” Silva — who pissed dirty, horse-steroid style following his TKO win over Justin Eilers at “Unfinished Business” in July — has enlisted attorney Howard Jacobs to help him formally appeal his suspension. Jacobs is the same lawyer who helped Sean Sherk knock his one-year Nandrolone suspension down to six months. Silva has until tomorrow to file an appeal, then 30 days to request a special hearing for his case. Without the appeal, he would have to appear at the CSAC’s next public hearing, scheduled for November 20th.

As MMA Weekly reports, Silva and his camp maintain that his medical condition of acromegaly, or “gigantism,” precludes him from taking steroids in the first place:

Silva’s American representative, Alex Davis…said that Silva’s tumor has caused him to produce as much as 20 times the normal amount of growth hormone in the body. “It would be completely insensible or even dangerous to make use of any other steroids or substances that could worsen that kind of problem,” he said. Following the CSAC’s suspension, Davis says he had Silva tested for steroids at the Aegis Sciences Corporation — a facility he says is on the CSAC’s approved list of testing facilities — and results were negative.

(Image courtesy of MMA Mania)

From Antonio Silva’s manager Alex Davis, via the UG:

On Behalf of Antonio “Big Foot” Silva, as his Manager I come to this forum to declare Antonio’s innocence. These are Antonio’s words:

Dear Family, Friends, Fans and Public, I did not use the steroid Boldenone, or any other steroid of prohibited substance. I dont agree and never have agreed with the use of this kind of product in order to win, for this is cheating. I will go to the full extent of my power and the law to prove my innocence in this matter.

Looks like we may have another Sean Sherk situation on our hands. Sherk’s one-year suspension for Nandrolone was reduced to six months after he raised questions about the potential mishandling of his urine sample (which the California State Athletic Commission was never able to answer). As stubborn as the CSAC tends to be, a suspension-reduction is probably the best-case scenario for Silva. After all, proof for his side of the story is going to be very hard to come by…

(Honestly, how did we not see this coming?)

After all the speculation as to the identities of the last two fighters to test positive from last month’s Affliction and Elite XC cards in California, we have our answer. MMA Weekly reports that Affliction’s Edwin Dewees and newly-minted Elite XC heavyweight champ Antonio Silva are the guilty parties.

Dewees tested positive for Nandrolone, that old familiar friend, only unlike Sean Sherk his levels didn’t fall in the debatable range. While Sherk got nailed with 12 ng/mL, Dewees tested at 499ng/mL. The California State Athletic Commission’s Bill Douglas remarked that the level of Nandrolone in Dewees’ system was “hard to explain.” Unless, of course, you consider the explanation that he was rightfully worried about getting pounded on by Rogerio Nogueira.

Antonio Silva, on the other hand, tested positive for Boldenone, a veterinary steroid commonly used on horses. Oh, the lengths a man will go to just to claim that Elite XC heavyweight title. A false positive in Silva’s case also seems unlikely, since, according to Douglas, the drug has a long half-life in the body.

Both fighters have been suspended for a year and fined $2,500. As the MMA world shakes its collective head at them and simultaneously breathes a sigh of relief that it wasn’t Fedor, we await the totally lame excuses/explanations that are sure to follow. Injured in training, perhaps? Maybe a contact high from too much time spent at the racetrack? We can’t wait to hear it.

(The stuff you find under Tommy Speer’s mattress.)

Former UFC welterweight champ Matt Hughes has been taking some heat for his remarks about the Georges St. Pierre-Jon Fitch bout, which he admitted to walking out on during UFC 87. But in a rare response to the media and the fans, Hughes updated his blog to address the criticism and set the record straight. Kind of:

I usually don’t do this, but I’m going to break my rule this time. There’s been so much talk about my last blog entry that it’s amazing. Some of it is legitimate thinking, some of it is just from idiots. I never said the GSP fight was boring, the reason I walked out was because I wanted to beat the crowd. I didn’t think Fitch was going to get back in the match and the fight wasn’t as exciting as I thought it would be. If you want, you can go look at my last blog entry and see that this is basically what I said. So people criticized me for leaving the fight early and said that was disrespectful to GSP, I disagree, I just wanted to get out of there.

Hughes also responded to a Yahoo! Sports blog entry by Steve Cofield that interpreted his ‘GSP-looked-small’ remarks to mean that Hughes was implying St. Pierre had been on steroids for previous bouts. While that might have been a little bit of a stretch, and Cofield admits as much, Hughes’ attempts at backtracking on his ‘boring’ remarks are hindered by the wonders of modern technology.

His exact words to interviewers with PWB Podcast: “I gotta be real honest though, I was kinda bored with the match.”

Woop. There it is.

(Photo courtesy of Complex.)

When we last saw Nick Diaz, he was whipping Muhsin Corbbrey at EliteXC: The Return of the King, and advising KJ Noons not to be frightened. Diaz gets back into the cage this Saturday at the second installment of EliteXC’s “Saturday Night Fights” (CBS, 9 p.m. ET/PT), and while he won’t be settling his grudge with Noons, he’ll be facing the very tough Thomas Denny in front of a rabid hometown crowd at the Stockton Arena. The always outspoken Cesar Gracie-trained fighter recently chatted with us about the origins of his bad attitude, why MMA fights should be held in a ring, and why steroids should be legal.

***

CAGEPOTATO.COM: Are you disappointed that you’re not fighting KJ Noons on Saturday?
NICK DIAZ: Sure. I want to get that fight over and done with as soon as I can. But I gotta handle the Denny fight first, because if I don’t win it won’t look too good on my part, as far as a future fight with KJ goes. But KJ doesn’t want to fight me — he likes to pick his fights. I figure the only way he’ll fight me is if they make him do it, so I gotta be the guy in line.

Have you seen anything in Thomas Denny’s game that concerns you?
Well, everything concerns me. He’s a good fighter. But I’m ready for this type of guy. I know I train harder than him. I don’t have time to run a school and teach kids; he seems to have time to do a lot of things. It’s a lot to have on the table if you’re trying to be a professional fighter too.

The California State Athletic Commission is notorious for pulling fighters at the last minute — you went through it yourself back in March. How are you dealing with the CSAC this time so that you don’t have to experience that again?
I don’t have an issue with them. It was a big misunderstanding — the commission apologized and we’re all cool. It cost me a lot of money, but let’s get past it. I’ve forgotten about it pretty much.

So your medical marijuana card won’t be a problem this time?
No, not at all. It was never a problem before. I planned on testing clean in the last fight, and I’m going to test clean in this fight like all the other fighters, so that’s not even an issue. You get some of your freedoms screwed with, with the commission being as tight and all. But they own the shit and they run the shit. They’ve been manipulating us from the beginning. We’re not stupid, and I feel like we should stand up for our rights. If guys want to do steroids in this sport, then power to ‘em. I don’t do steroids, I’m not into chemicals or needles, it completely freaks me out. I don’t even do Advil. But if these guys want to do steroids, I would like them to do steroids.

(Photo courtesy of Sherdog.)

From a recent blog post on MacDanzig.net:

Forget what you heard! Mac is NOT fighting at UFC 87, or in August at all! Mac will most likely fight in September, and the fight has not yet been signed.

It’s possible that Danzig’s reported matchup with Clay Guida at “Seek and Destroy” (August 9th, Minneapolis, MN) will simply be moved to a later event. We’ll update you when we know more. In the meantime, another compelling lightweight matchup may be added to the card that would take a bit of the sting off the Danzig/Guida loss.

NBC Sports is reporting that exiled former #1 contender Hermes Franca will return to the Octagon at UFC 87 against Frankie Edgar. Due to a positive steroid test, Franca was given a one-year suspension after his lightweight title fight against Sean Sherk at UFC 73; the suspension ends on July 5th. Franca resigned from the UFC in order to make money fighting outside of the U.S. — though decided against competing when he learned that doing so could jeopardize his chances of getting licensed here again — so it’s interesting that the UFC is welcoming him back with open arms. Could Dana White be planning a steroid-free rematch between Franca and Sean Sherk sometime in the future?

In other UFC 87 news, Karo Parisyan says he’s been booked to fight at the event. He was expected to face George Sotiropoulos, but the TUF 6 semi-finalist was forced to pull out of the match due to injury, and a replacement hasn’t been found yet. Parisyan was most recently defeated by Thiago Alves at UFC Fight Night 13 in April.

(Props: BloodyElbow)

Sean Sherk before his completely unjust steroid suspension:

Sean Sherk now:

Maybe it’s a bad angle, but is the Muscle Shark looking…I don’t know…narrower to you?

They may have reduced his steroid suspension from one year to six months because of the reasonable doubt he raised during his appeals, but in the eyes of the Nevada State Athletic Commission, Sean Sherk is still a filthy steroid cheat whose urine, if ingested, would immediately cause testicle shrinkage in men and testicle growth in women. So to be extra sure that there aren’t any shenanigans come fight night, the NSAC voted yesterday that Sean Sherk would be required to undergo additional drug testing prior to UFC 84 (May 24th, Las Vegas). Sherk has agreed to submit the extra wee-wee during the week of April 21st, because apparently next week isn’t convenient for him, clean-piss-wise. Anyway, it’s surely just an insulting formality. Even if Sherk cycled in the past — and since nobody was ever able to refute his “chain of custody fuckup” argument, we’re not passing judgment on the guy — there’s no way he’d have the balls to juice up in preparation for his first fight after a suspension.

According to a report on MMAPredictions:

Sherk has already submitted all the necessary medical and administrative paperwork for his license to be approved. A commission member asked Sherk, “Mr. Sherk, do you understand that the NCAC will hold you responsible for anything that comes up positive in your test, irrespective of your knowingly taking a certain steroid?”

“Yes I understand that I am responsible for anything that goes into my body,” Sherk answered.

Unfortunately, they judge you on what comes out. Don’t worry man, you’ll get the hang of this…

Sam Caplan: You made the accusation in an interview with MMAMadness.com that Ken Shamrock has been using steroids his whole life. MMAjunkie.com published a statement earlier this week in which Ken made a full denial of your claims. Do you stand by your statement?

Frank Shamrock: Oh yeah. Yeah. I apologize; I thought it was common knowledge. I don’t know why Ken would lie about it. I was the guy who picked him up after he had his bitch tits removed.

(Source: ProElite.com)

Well, basically.

On a recent airing of the Tagg Radio Network’s Lights Out Show, Hermes Franca discussed that little steroid misunderstanding he had last summer at UFC 73, where both him and his opponent Sean Sherk were busted for ‘roids after their lightweight title fight; Franca has subsequently been banned from competing in California until July 5th. Unlike Sean Sherk, who absolutely did not take steroids, Franca was apologetic about the situation and chalked it up to a “mistake,” but he did try to pin some of the blame on the pressure-cooker of being a UFC fighter:

When I was hurt, I got lost. I wanted to fight for the belt and make my dreams come true. But [UFC matchmaker] Joe Silva told me that I had to fight Sean Sherk at UFC 73 and there was no other way around it without him finding another opponent. A lot of guys in the division wouldn’t be able to fight, like Kenny Florian. I brought up Roger Huerta but Joe said that he wasn’t ready. So I took the steroids.

If you’re unfamiliar, Franca’s pre-fight injury situation is described here. To him, it was a choice between taking steroids and not being able to support his family; like many mixed martial artists, he lives fight-to-fight, financially speaking. And now with a one-year suspension preventing further income, Franca was recently forced to resign from the UFC so he could make money fighting overseas. To make things worse, the CSAC warned Franca that he would have to serve his one-year suspension if he ever planned on fighting in the U.S. again, so he’s basically like a wandering ghost at this point, fighting to survive and unable to return home. The irony is, if he went through the Sherk fight without chemical enhancement, even if he took an ugly loss, he would have probably picked up a win by disqualification — or at least a no-contest and another title shot — because Sherk also pissed dirty.

Anyway, there’s your daily insight into the ugly side of MMA. We’re going to go cry in our car for a while.

(“Do I look like a junkie?”)

Tatame.com is quoting Paulo Filho‘s boxing coach, Josuel Distak, as saying that the WEC middleweight champ will next fight real estate agent Chael Sonnen in a rematch of their December ’07 fight (WEC 31). The last fight ended with Chael Sonnen submitting and claiming he didn’t. Distak claims Paulo “wasn’t well” in that fight and “Sonnen asked for a revenge and we accepted.” We’ll get to see if Chael really has turned a corner – since he was bitch-slapping Paulo for two rounds until the submission – or if Paulo truly “wasn’t well”. That fight made us look a little closer at Filho and the rematch will be very telling.

The excuse coming out of the champ’s camp for his ass-dragging at WEC 31 is that he had some difficulty making the 185 lbs for the fight. Distak is saying they’ll remedy this by moving the fighter up to a light heavy.

“Thanks God this will be Paulão’s last fight at 84 category. After this fight he’ll go up to 93kg category.”

For all you non-metric system Americans, 93kg is 205 pounds. And at light heavyweight, Filho might be a little outsized. Nothing a little juice won’t cure, according to Dan Henderson in a recent MMANews interview.

MMANews.com:What are your thoughts on Paulo Filho?

Dan Henderson: I don’t think he has been very impressive in his last two performances since coming to the US but I think that’s what not being able to use Steroids will do to you.

MMANews.com:Are you saying Filho may be a juicer?

Dan Henderson: Well that’s my opinion anyway. He hasn’t looked good since he left Pride.

MMANews.com: Was steroid abuse a problem in Pride?

Dan Henderson: People didn’t get tested.

MMANews.com: So I suppose if you can get away with it why not.

Dan Henderson: Exactly.

(Keith Kizer can’t wait to stick it to you.)

Recently the Nevada State Athletic Commission announced that they would be conducting random drug tests. Meaning, MMA fighters can be tested at any time, regardless of whether they are scheduled to fight or not. And a missed test gets you a big “F” for fucked. While not a ton of details were provided in the initial announcement, MMA Junkie has since pulled a little more out of the executive director of the NSAC, Keith Kizer.

Although his answers started off like this – “I don’t know off the top of my head. I can’t think of anything specific….it’s hard to know all the possibilities….Ehhh. It’s hard to know in advance.” – he did answer some questions, one of which we already stated: if a fighter looks like he’s changed physically, then he’ll be tested.

Oh yeah, sure, sure. That’s possible. I don’t want to say it would be (a reason), but it could be. That’s a possible deal. I don’t want to say that would be a major reason to test a guy, but that’s a possible reason to test a guy.

Restating the point adds up to: “Yes, that will be the main reason we test a fighter.” But the good thing for fighters who – like those of you who have spent a night downtown because you were with your bud (who had some bud) when he got busted – they won’t be tested just because a fighter they train with got nailed for juicing. Although, Kizer admitted that if you were treated by the same doc or team, they might look into it. Again meaning, “yes.” But don’t misunderstand. No organization that is set up to police people and administer drug tests actually want to bust anyone. Cops don’t enjoy writing you tickets, do they?

(After hours at Team Punishment.)

Bad news for mixed martial artists who’ve figured out that if you stop using steroids at a certain point before your fight, you’ll test negative — the Nevada State Athletic Commission has announced that it will begin random steroid and drug testing for all licensed fighters as well as fighters applying for licenses. As the article explains:

Selection of licensees for testing will be made in one of three ways:
1. Fighters may be randomly chosen for testing.
2. If there is some indication that a fighter is taking a non-approved substance, they may be tested.
3. If a fighter has previously tested positive for using a non-approved substance, they may be tested.

A fighter chosen for testing will be contacted by the Commission directly and given details on the ordering of the test and the timeframe within which testing must occur…If the test is not completed within the designated timeframe or if a fighter fails the test, the Commission may refuse to license the fighter, it may not allow the fighter to compete, and/or the fighter may be subject to disciplinary action.

In other words, steroids are no longer going to be MMA’s dirty little secret; if you look like you’re juicing (see #2), you will be tested, and most likely busted. As it represents another step toward MMA’s legitimacy in the eyes of the general public, we’re all for random testing, invasive as it might be. And we hope every fighter gets this memo, or else we’ll start seeing dozens of them go down in flames. However, for those who’ve relied on chemicals to reach their level of physicality, it may not be easy to just drop the ‘roids altogether. It’s like when Dateline NBC’s “To Catch a Predator” series started picking up guys who’d actually seen the show — the threat of public humiliation and imprisonment wasn’t enough of a deterrent for those sexual predators to change their habitual behavior.

Hmm…I’m not sure if that metaphor worked, but basically what I’m trying to say is, Bruce Buffer is a pedophile.

For those of you still holding your breath since UFC 79, you can finally take that breath of cigarette smoke-filled oxygen. Not that it’s a slow news day or anything, but the Nevada State Athletic Commission has assured the world that every fighter that was tested for the December 29th PPV event was clean. By clean, they mean of any banned substances – performance enhancers and mood enhancers alike (not that there’s anything wrong with that).

Yo to MMA Weekly for digging this up:

According to the commission’s executive director Keith Kizer, “The NSAC tested Georges St. Pierre, Matt Hughes, Chuck Liddell, Wanderlei Silva, Lyoto Machida, Sokoudjou, Rich Clementi, Melvin Guillard, Manny Gamburyan, Dean Lister, Jordan Radev, and Mark Bocek.”

Kizer also confirmed that all of the athletes on a privately held show at the Riviera Hotel & Casino on Jan. 8 were cleared of performance enhancing substances. “All the steroid tests are back for the Jan. 8 show and they were all negative.”

This ‘private event’ on the 8th certainly sounds too official to have been a bachelor party that turned into a fight night. They released the names of the fighters, which include: Jesse Forbes, Victor Moreno, Jacob McClintock, Chris Kennedy, Robert Scott, and Steve Steinbeiss. However, the NSAC may have blown their load a bit early as tests for the good stuff mood altering drugs are still up in the air for the fighters from the Riviera event.

…or fully guilty of taking half-steroids, whichever way you want to look at it. Bottom line is, the California State Athletic Commission just reduced his one-year suspension for testing positive for Nandrolone to six months. Not exactly sure what the CSAC’s reasoning behind this one is — maybe they figured that being on a little bit of ‘roids isn’t that big of a deal? Anyway, Sherk is basically getting time served; he’ll be eligible to fight again in January. If the term of his suspension goes until exactly six months from his last fight, he’ll be all-clear on 1/7, which is actually before B.J. Penn and Joe Stevenson fight for the interim title at UFC 80. So, a Sherk/Penn unification bout is still a possibility, which is wonderful because they really seem to hate each other.

By the way, Hermes Franca — Sean Sherk’s opponent at UFC 73 who also tested positive for steroids after the match — had his one-year sentence upheld at his hearing in August. Not to get all political, but has the California justice system ever given a Brazilian a fair shake?

UPDATE (From The Stephen Quadros Show via Five Ounces of Pain):
Sean Sherk isn’t letting this one slide. He still claims he is 100% innocent, and plans to continue to fight the suspension, no matter how much money or time it takes. According to his own research*, urinalysis is the worst way to test for Nandrolone. His suspension ends on January 5th, and he’s still salty about this whole “interim title” thing.

* The mental image of a labcoat-and-safety-goggles-clad Sean Sherk urinating into beakers and marking things on a clipboard is making me giggle right now.

If you’re like the vast majority of Americans, you’ve never seen an episode of Shark. And I hadn’t either until last night, when I was flipping through the ol’ digital cable and came across this description: “A fighting league’s CEO is charged with murder for pushing steroids.” Whoa, ripped from the headlines much?! I had to watch to see how this would play out.

First of all, Shark is basically a homeless-man’s Law and Order, where the show opens with a gruesome murder (inspired by a recent real-life news story), multiple people become suspects, and there’s a few twists and courtroom shockers at the end which lead to someone unexpected being nailed for the crime; a five-year-old could write this shit. So, the plot of last night’s episode: Steve Abbott, the heavyweight champion and #1 box-office attraction of the UFL (Ultimate Fighting League!) is found dead in his home from a gunshot wound to the head. James Woods and his crew first visit Abbott’s training partner Rick, who reveals that steroid use is rampant in the league. Woods makes the intellectual leap that the UFL’s CEO, Teddy Banks, forces his fighters to take steroids as a condition of their employment. They pay a visit to the league’s doctor, who folds like your mother on laundry day.