Every great sport has been built on the backs of men who absolutely sucked at it — athletes whose hapless failures made the champions’ triumphs look even more outstanding by comparison. Baseball has its Mario Mendozas, its Bob Kammeyers, its Pete Rose Jrs. We have our Joe Sons, our Tiki Ghosns, our James Toneys. So in honor of the brave competitors who proved that MMA is even harder than it looks, we humbly present this “tribute” to the worst UFC fighters of all time.

A couple of notes to start: 1) We chose fighters solely based on their performances inside the Octagon. Some of these fighters achieved great things in other organizations, before or after their time in the UFC; for the purposes of this feature, we’re not really interested in that. 2) Instead of ranking one form of suckitude against another, we’ll group the 50 fighters into sections and arrange them chronologically. Use the links below to navigate, and if we omitted anybody notable, please let us know in the comments section.

- Ben Goldstein

Page 1: The Pre-Zuffa Punchlines
Page 2: The One-and-Done Wonders
Page 3: The Repeat Offenders
Page 4: The Not-Ready-for-Prime-Time TUF Guys
Page 5: The Barely-Worth-Mentioning Washouts

(We’ll give “The Robot” this, he never left a *victory* in the hands of the judges.) 

Of all the fighters to be kept around by the UFC for longer than they should have, the story of Steve Cantwell‘s inexplicably long run with the promotion is perhaps the most confounding. That is not a knock on Mr. Cantwell, but more of a general observation. After defeating Brian Stann at WEC 35 to win the WEC’s last Light Heavyweight championship (not to mention a bit of redemption), Cantwell kicked off his UFC career in memorable fashion, snapping Razak Al-Hassan’s arm and then gloating over it like a serial killer at UFC: Fight for the Troops back in December of 2008. Unfortunately for “The Robot,” the win would be both his first and last while under the UFC banner.

Cantwell’s next fight would be an entertaining three round kickboxing match with Luiz Cane, a fellow light heavyweight prospect who has fallen on hard times as of late, at UFC 97. It was shortly thereafter where those following Cantwell (including Joe Rogan) began to notice a change in Cantwell’s character, at least when he stepped into the ring. His next four losses, which came to Brian Stann, Cyrille Diabate, Mike Massenzio, and Riki Fukuda, respectively, were marked by an all but total lack of striking defense on Cantwell’s part, who seemed as if he was literally trying to absorb as much damage as possible en route to defeat. All four of those losses came by way of unanimous decision, and all four would see Cantwell fail to engage with any sense of urgency on the feet while having his face put through a meat grinder in the process. None of his fights were incredibly memorable, and most of them took place on the undercard, yet Cantwell stuck around for as long as he possibly could.

Like we said, we’re not here to kick a man while he’s down, but rather to wish him the best at wherever he may land in the future. We just wish we could have seen a little more of that sociopathic fire in his eyes over the last couple years.

News of Cantwell’s release comes amidst a plethora of UFC firings, the complete list of which awaits you after the jump.

“Damn it, Chris. SUSHI is from Japan. Pacquiao is from the Philippines, dummy.” Props: UFC.com

The UFC is making it’s first trip to Japan since UFC 29, and what a better way to celebrate it than by having this website’s most beloved weekend contributer liveblog the prelims on FX? Unfortunately for you, Chris Colemon is busy- so instead Seth Falvo will be handling the liveblogging duties for the prelims this evening. Oh well, at least it’s something. Can Takeya Mizugaki make it two in a row against Chris Cariaso? Will former WEC Light Heavyweight Champion Steve Cantwell stop his four fight losing streak against Riki Fukuda? And what does fate have in store for aging JMMA legends Norifumi “Kid” Yamamoto and Takanori Gomi? Tune in here to find out as it unfolds.

(Similar to Georges St.Pierre, MMA pundits, and most fans heading into UFC 129, Dana White was looking right past Jake Shields.)

2011 is approaching it’s final hour, Potato Nation, and when we typically take a look back at the year that was, we often lump things in terms of the very best, and more often than not, the very worst. But even though it has been arguably the biggest year in the sport’s History, it hasn’t gone without it’s fair share of snoozefests, sparring matches, and fights that simply didn’t live up to their own hype. For every Rua/Hendo, there was a Torres/Banuelos, so to speak, that kept us from having a full-on Chuck Liddell style freak out. It’s not that these fights made us angry, it’s just that they failed to make us feel anything.

In a way, they were actually a good thing for the sport, as they raised our appreciation for the epic slugfests, the back and forth brawls, and the technical battles to new heights. So it is for these unsung heroes that we bring you The Ten Most Forgettable Fights of 2011, presented in chronological order.

#10: Jacob Volkmann vs. Antonio Mckee

We know what you’re thinking, Potatoites, you’re thinking, “My God, it’s only been a year since this clown (dis)graced the UFC with that performance?” Well the answer is yes, and almost to the exact date. On January 1st at UFC 125, Anthony Mckee made his long awaited debut in the UFC. And when we say “long awaited,” we mean by none other than Mckee himself. You see, Anthony Mckee followed the James Toney method of trolling his way into the UFC through a shitstorm of self absorbed and ridiculous claims, despite only claiming seven finishes in his previous thirty contests. Well, DW took the bait, and threw Mckee humble wrestler and future threat to Homeland Security, Jacob Volkmann, for his big debut.

(“What is it I’m supposed to do with these things again?”)

Joey Beltran: If Beltran loses against UFC newcomer Stipe Miocic, the loss would put him at 1-3 in his last four fights. For a journeyman like Beltran, a slide like that would likely mean a pink slip with his check. A Golden Gloves champ and NCAA Division I wrestler, Miocic is no slouch, which could play into the favor of “The Mexicutioner” if he gets called to the boss’ office.

Steve Cantwell: Heading into his UFC middleweight debut bout with Mike Massenzio,Cantwell is 0-3 in his last three outings. A loss Saturday night would likely land him on the cut list, or at the very least in the margin with a circle around and a question mark beside his name. The UFC might take into account that there was a year-and-a-half gap between his last two losses in which the former WEC light heavyweight champ battled an unnamed illness that UFC president Dana White mentioned was “career-threatening.” Since he doesn’t quite have a memorable personality like Dan Hardy or Pat Barry, that may be the only card he has to play.

(Props: caposa)

In case you missed it, all fighters made weight for tomorrow’s UFC 120 event; the numbers are after the jump. Remember to come back to CagePotato.com tomorrow night at 8 p.m. ET for our tape-delayed "live"-blog of the Spike TV broadcast.

One notable absence from today’s weigh-ins was light-heavyweight Steve Cantwell, who ripped a knee ligament in training yesterday and was forced to withdraw from his fight. The general consensus on this week’s installment of The Bum Rush Radio Show was that Cantwell — on a two-fight losing skid and slated to face scary Bulgarian Stanislav Nedkov — was in serious danger of getting fired after Saturday. So maybe this is for the best…

(He’d prefer cash, but if you’ve got some spare ligaments laying around he’ll take those too.)

Razak Al-Hassan, the fighter best known for the grisly arm injury he suffered after he absolutely refused to tap out against Steve Cantwell, has received his walking papers from the UFC, according to Five Ounces of Pain.  This is one we probably should have seen coming.  The arm-popping loss to Cantwell happened in Al-Hassan’s UFC debut at the injury-riddled Fight For The Troops event in December of 2008.  That kept him out of action for a good chunk of the following year, though he still claimed to adhere to a tapping-out-is-for-bitches mentality. 

When he finally returned in 2009 Al-Hassan lost a split decision against Kyle Kingsbury at UFC 104 to drop him to 0-2 in the Octagon, which is the equivalent of calling in sick to your first day of work at a regular job, and then showing up late, reeking of weed on your second day.  You may not always get fired, but no one will be surprised if you do.

Best of luck finding a new fighting home, Razak, and don’t get down on yourself.  Plenty of guys with good records elsewhere struggle in the UFC, but it doesn’t mean they aren’t good fighters.  Just look at Tiki Ghosn.  We’re not making you feel any better, are we?

(Steve Cantwell buckles Razak Al-Hassan‘s arm at Fight for the Troops last December. Karma’s a bitch, homey.)

And the curse keeps a-rollin’, all night long: According to MMA Weekly, former WEC light-heavyweight champ Steve Cantwell has pulled out of his UFC 108 match against Vladimir Matyushenko for reasons that are unconfirmed at the moment. Cantwell joins Anderson Silva, Brock Lesnar, Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira, Gabriel Gonzaga, Carlos Condit, Tyson Griffin, Rory Markham, and Sean Sherk in the list of fighters who have been removed from this Saturday’s card due to health issues.

The UFC is currently looking for a replacement opponent to step in against Matyushenko. "The Janitor" was successful in his return to the Octagon at UFC 103, where he earned a unanimous decision victory against Igor Pokrajac. Cantwell had dropped his last two bouts against Luiz Cane and Brian Stann, both by decision.

Anybody ever heard of the Poltergeist curse? This is what UFC 108 feels like at this point. For the fighters who actually make it to the show intact, I fear that the horrors may be just beginning…

If the name Razak Al-Hassan means anything to you at all as an MMA fan, there can only be one reason.  He’s the guy who, when locked up in a tight armbar against Steve Cantwell at last December’s UFC Fight For The Troops, decided to go ahead and let his arm get popped on national TV by an enthusiastic sadist.  It was grotesque, it was sort of dumb, and it was a learning experience.  Maybe.  At least, you’d think that after suffering an injury that sidelined him for several months Al-Hassan would have a healthy appreciation for the necessity of the tapout.  Talking with the Las Vegas Sun (via Cage Writer) that does not appear to be the case:

Although the injury kept him out of training for four months, Al-Hassan says that he wouldn’t have done a thing differently looking back on the fight.

“At this level, with this kind of opportunity, I want to make sure that I do everything in my power to win,” he said. “I’m pretty infamous for the injury now, but I’d rather go out like that, than to not be remembered at all.  At least fans know that I’m going to bring it and I’ll go out on my shield any day of the week.”

(Props: BadBoyMMA1)

Roger Huerta may have an ill-advised acting career to turn to after tomorrow night’s fight against Gray Maynard, but that doesn’t mean he isn’t training hard for his last stand in the Octagon. In the video profile above, Huerta implies that his previous loss to Kenny Florian at UFC 87 was the result of moving away from his dependable coaching duo of Dave Menne and Justin Hagen. He certainly seems focused — though you have to wonder if Huerta should be drilling nothing but his smother-defense at this point.

(Photo courtesy of Newsday.)

— TUF 3 finalist Ed Herman, who broke a two-fight skid in April with a unanimous decision win over David Loiseau, has been tapped to replace James "Job" Irvin against Wilson Gouveia at UFC 102, according to Sherdog. Irvin was forced to withdraw from the fight this week due to yet another serious knee injury. Herman was previously scheduled to face Aaron Simpson at UFC Fight Night 19 (September 16th, Oklahoma City).

— UFC 104 (October 24th, Los Angeles) will reportedly host a lightweight battle between Joe Stevenson and Spencer Fisher. "Joe Daddy" broke a two-fight losing streak of his own when he scored a decision win over Nate Diaz at the TUF 9 finale in June. Fisher is riding a three fight win-streak and most recently outpointed Caol Uno at UFC 99. The match will likely be on the main card, supporting the light-heavyweight title fight between Lyoto Machida and Mauricio "Shogun" Rua.

(Nate Quarry [left] shows off the move that made him famous. Photo courtesy of CombatLifestyle.com.)
 
The UFC returns to Montreal on April 18th for UFC 97, headlined by the shrug-worthy title fight between Anderson Silva and Thales Leites, and the somewhat more compelling light-heavyweight battle between fading legends Chuck Liddell and Mauricio "Shogun" Rua. Here’s some of the supporting bouts that we’ll be seeing on the card…

— Jason MacDonald vs. Nate Quarry (MW): MacDonald is coming off a first-round submission-via-strikes loss to Wilson Gouveia at last month’s TUF 8 finale, and hasn’t been able to put together two wins in a row since 2006. Quarry became Demian Maia‘s latest strangulation victim when he succumbed to a rear-naked choke at UFC 91 in November. The win-or-get-fired threat level on this one has been raised to Orange.

— Luis Cane vs. Steve Cantwell (LHW): Though Cane was originally rumored to face Keith Jardine in his next fight, the Dean of Mean was booked to headline UFC 96 (March 7th, Columbus) instead. Cane will instead be taking on reigning WEC light-heavyweight champ Steve Cantwell, who famously snapped Razak Al-Hassan’s arm at last month’s "UFC Fight for the Troops," then gloated about it afterwards. Cane is coming off of impressive TKO victories over Jason Lambert and Rameau Thierry Sokoudjou, while Cantwell is on a four-fight win streak, dating back to his time in the WEC.

(In case you missed it…)

Steve Cantwell has been taking some heat for sounding so pleased with himself after bending Razak Al-Hassan’s arm like a Gumby doll at “Fight for the Troops.”  Telling Joe Rogan in the post-fight interview that he had "been waiting so long to do that,” was maybe not the best way of wishing his opponent a speedy recovery.  Now Cantwell tells MMA on Tap it was just the adrenaline talking:

“You know that was a really weird outcome to the fight. I had the arm locked in tightly and expected Razak to tap right away – then we rolled twice and it got even tighter. I was thinking to myself ‘This guy is made of rubber – this is crazy’. The only thing I could to end the fight was force the arm until either it broke or he tapped, and that’s what I did. Fighting is always a series of calculated risks, and he had ample opportunity to tap. But none of us enter the ring trying to end each others career, and I do regret the comments I made and being so animated about it afterwards. It was the adrenalin taking over.”

Fair enough, Steve.  It’s somewhat understandable.  As we’ve all observed, nothing good ever comes out of those immediate post-fight interviews.  The guy is either too pumped up, too out of breath, or too busy trying to yank his sponsor’s t-shirt down over his sponsor’s baseball cap to say anything meaningful.  Really, the best you can hope for is that he doesn’t call anyone a cocksucker or lapse into dead air when asked to talk us through the replay.

(The grisly submission and the nasty knockout. Props: DW)

Broken bones, savage KOs, and Ben Saunders in full-on BEAST MODE — "UFC Fight for the Troops" was truly a night for America. Besides the money they raked in for the Fallen Heroes Fund, the UFC made some charitiable donations to four fighters who helped the night transcend its whatevs lineup, to the tune of $30,000 apiece. Here’s who got the extra helpings of bread:

Submission of the Night: Former WEC light-heavyweight champ Steve Cantwell, for snapping the arm of Razak al-Hassan. (Note to al-Hassan: We can understand coming into the Octagon without any ground game whatsoever, but are we really to believe that you were never instructed on how to tap?) Shockingly, this wasn’t the only broken bone of the night. One of Corey Hill’s skinny legs snapped like a twig in the second round of his fight against Dale Hartt. Looking for a picture of the injury? Have an especially strong stomach? Then please, click here. Amazingly, video of the ill-fated fight is available for free on UFC.com.

Knockout of the Night: Josh Koscheck, for punching Yoshiyuki Yoshida into the fifth fucking dimension.

Fight of the Night: Jim Miller and Matt Wiman for their broadcast-opening three-rounder, which Miller took in a unanimous decision. It was a good fight and all, but we think those two bonuses could have gone to worthier recipients — namely, Ben Saunders for his Anderson Silva-like evisceration of Brandon Wolff, and Justin McCully for making sure we never have to see Eddie Sanchez fight in the UFC ever again.

Full results from last night are after the jump…

("Boooooooooo!"  Photo courtesy of UFC.com)

The UFC’s benefit for the Intrepid Fallen Heroes Fund goes down tomorrow night at the Crown Arena in Fayetteville, North Carolina; you can watch the action live on Spike TV, beginning at 9 p.m. ET/6 p.m. PT. The full lineup is here. While we’ll see some familiar faces like Josh Koscheck, Mike Swick, Luigi Fioravanti, and Eddie Sanchez, three brave mixed martial artists will be stepping into the Octagon for the first time. Let’s give ‘em a look-see…

STEVE CANTWELL (LHW)
Experience: 6-1 record, with all wins by stoppage within the first two rounds. Sole career loss came via TKO at the hands of Brian Stann at WEC 26 in March ’07; Cantwell avenged the loss in August of this year, when he TKO’d Stann at WEC 35.
Will be facing: Razak Al-Hassan
Lowdown: Cantwell is probably the only one in this group of newcomers who you’ve actually seen fight, as he was a mainstay in the WEC and won its light-heavyweight title just before the league folded its 185- and 205-pound weight classes. The 22-year-old Las Vegas native was supposed to have a rubber-match against Brian Stann at "Fight for the Troops," but Stann injured his foot and had to pull out of the match. Cantwell is a skilled kickboxer and holds a brown belt in BJJ under Sergio Penha.

(Photo courtesy of BoutReviewUSA.com.)

— Yahoo! EuroSport is reporting that the UFC is finalizing arrangements on its first-ever second-ever event in Ireland. As the story goes, UFC 93 would be held January 17th at Dublin’s O2 Arena, and rumored fights include Matt Hughes vs. Matt Serra, and Rich Franklin vs. Chuck Liddell or Mauricio Rua. The UFC already has an event planned for January 31st in Las Vegas, which will be headlined by the welterweight match between Georges St. Pierre and B.J. Penn.

— Yushin Okami’s next fight won’t be against Anderson Silva after all; he’ll be facing Dean Lister at UFC 92 (December 27th, Las Vegas). Okami and Lister have both won their last two matches, and have been healing up from injuries — Okami with a hand injury that forced him to pull out of his rematch against Silva, and Lister with a tweaked knee that kept him out of a UFC Fight Night 15 match against Thales Leites.

— Despite Karo Parisyan’s questionable pull-out from UFC 88, the UFC has just locked “The Heat” into an eight-fight contract extension. Wonder if that includes naming rights to his first-born son…

— Gilbert Melendez only has one fight left on his Strikeforce contract, and has his eye on a move to the UFC: “I really do like Strikeforce, I think they’re a great organization and they took care of me, but I have other goals too, other dreams…[the UFC is] an organization I’ve always liked to be a part of and a lot of the guys in there I would want to fight.”

— The UFC has picked up former WEC light-heavyweight champions Brian Stann and Steve Cantwell in the wake of the WEC’s abolishment of the 185- and 205-pound weight classes. Stann and Cantwell have fought twice before, with each fighter scoring a win, and will meet for the third time at the UFC’s “Fight for the Troops” card on December 10th. Stann, who became the WEC’s light-heavyweight champ with a first-round knockout of Doug Marshall at WEC 33 in March, is a former U.S. Marine.

Now that it’s looking more likely that Gina Carano will face Kelly Kobald-Gavin at EliteXC’s next CBS card on October 4th, we decided to do some scouting. Above is the video of KK-G‘s last win, which came against Adrienna Jenkins last March in Minneapolis at an all-female fight event called “NFF: The Breakout.” (Props to MMALinker.) Watch as Kobald comes out like a woman scorned, beating Jenkins to the mat with power punches, then tying her up in a triangle choke and slugging her in the face until she gives up. Reffing provided by the incomparable Nick “The Goat” Thompson!

Now, some fights from last night’s WEC show…

(The brief and violent lightweight title match between Jamie Varner and Marcus Hicks.)

(Brian Bowles’s fight-ending flying guillotine of Damacio Page. Photo courtesy of MMA Weekly.)

Even without franchise fighter Urijah Faber on the card, the WEC managed to put on one of the wildest events in recent memory last night, featuring six first-round stoppages and a welterweight title fight that you’ll definitely be seeing on “Best of the Year” lists in a few months. Following a kickass supporting card that saw welterweight standout Brock Larson smash Carlo Prater in just 37 seconds, and undefeated Brian Bowles choke out the tough and cocky Damacio Page in a bantamweight match, the broadcast featured a trio of title fights, and they did not disappoint.

Leading off was WEC lightweight champion Jamie Varner in his first title defense, facing submission specialist Marcus “The Wrecking Ball” Hicks, who walked into the cage with a perfect 8-0 record. After an exchange of knees in a clinch, Hicks bulled Varner to the ground and nearly sunk in a guillotine choke. Hicks tossed Varner down again when he escaped, but “The Worm” scrambled to his feet and started pouring on an insane barrage of kicks, knees, and punches that continued until Hicks hit the deck at the 2:08 mark.

In the light-heavyweight championship match, Steve Cantwell avenged his only career loss and stole the WEC’s 205-pound belt at the same time, scoring a second-round TKO over reigning champ Brian Stann. The first frame saw Cantwell get the better of the previously undefeated “All-American” in a kickboxing match that turned absolutely frantic about 90 seconds in. There was a scary moment for Cantwell at the end of round one as he slipped to the ground and started taking heavy shots from above by Stann, but he was able to get to his feet as the horn sounded. Stann started the second round by kicking Cantwell dead in the nuts, but the challenger recovered with more sharp striking, eventually staggering Stann with a left hook and turning out his lights with a right hook.