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Tag: Steven Seagal

Martial Arts Fail of the Week: Steven Seagal’s Russian “Masterclass” Is a Gift From Above

(Looking like a little more than a glimmer these days, eh Sensei?)

Before we get into this, the glorious return of the Martial Arts Fail of the Week, I’d like to make a couple things clear:

1.) Yes, we here at CagePotato are aware of our long, oft-vitriolic history regarding action movie star, part time police officer/school shooting survival expert, unofficial American ambassador to Russia, tax cheat, and perpetual boil on the ass of MMA, Steven Seagal. We’ve made fun of him a lot, basically — from his weight gain over the years (see above) to his rambling, hallucinatory, endlessly quotable interview snippets to that time Judo Gene made him sh*t his pants – but can you really blame us? THE MAN CLAIMS TO HAVE INVENTED THE FRONT KICK, FOR GOD’S SAKE.

2.) Despite all we’ve said about Seagal, we are not too big to overlook the man’s well-documented skills and well-earned accolades regarding said skills. He may be a literal shadow of his former self (seriously, has anyone seen him donning anything but black since, like, 2006?), but the fact remains that Seagal is one lethal sumbitch who could probably lay waste to the entire CagePotato staff without (barely) breaking a sweat.

Now that we’ve gotten all that out of the way, holy shit, you guys, you NEED to see this video of Seagal’s recent “martial arts masterclass” held in Russia.


Bad Sensei: Steven Seagal Being Sued for Sexual Harassment & Sexual Trafficking [UPDATE]

(Time will tell if Bones comes to Sensei Seagal’s aid like he did Bill Cosby’s.)

I don’t know if Steven Seagal is my favorite cartoon character of all time, but he definitely cracks the top 5 (somewhere between Randy Marsh and Duckman). Like all great cartoon characters, Seagal combines a dangerous lack of self-awareness with a penchant for (unintentionally) hilarious one-liners. He’s also the ultimate anti hero — an egomaniacal martial artist-cum-actor-cum-blues musician who has held the titles of both deity and Cock Puncher without once cracking under the insanity of it all. How can you not love the guy?

Well, if the recent lawsuit filed against Seagal is any indication, the answer to the that question is simple: Because he won’t allow you *not* to. (Ed note: Too soon? Too soon.)

According to The New York Daily News, the star of On Deadly Ground and perpetual guy-who-hangs-around MMA fighters is being sued to the tune of $1 million by Kayden Nguyen, a 23-year-old model claiming that what started off as a job cleaning mountains of D’Angelo’s wrappers out of Seagal’s Subaru Baja somehow devolved into something much, much more disgusting:

Nguyen says she was hired as an assistant, but then was used as a “sex toy.” Reportedly two other women have provided sworn declarations to assist in the lawsuit. Both women worked for Seagal but resigned after he made inappropriate sexual advances towards them.

Seagal’s lawyer Marty Singer characterized the accusations as “absurd” and says the actor has “no knowledge of these women.”

He continued, “The declarations were clearly prepared by Nguyen’s lawyer to be leaked to the media to help bolster his client’s meritless claims.”


Don’t Worry, You Guys, Steven Seagal Says That The Sochi Olympics Will Be Fine [VIDEO]

I think something in my brain broke, you guys.

You see, where I’d typically be filled with blood-boiling rage and simultaneous “Holier than thou” frustration with all the things wrong in the world while watching something like the above video of Steven Seagal pretending to be a security expert on the Sochi Olympics (previously: inventor of the front kickschool shooting task force specialistactormusician, etc.) I feel nothing. Absolutely nothing.

I hated every word that Seagal said, and I really, truly wanted to hate him for saying them, but I’m just too…bewildered, I guess. Apathetic even. Seagal’s self-servicing arrogance has reached a level so unbelievably high that it almost transcends him as an individual. The portrait he has painted of himself and his standing in our society as a source of wisdom is so out of touch with reality that it borders on an Always Sunny episode. How can you make a joke about a joke, you know? You’re not going to “reach” Seagal, because if you looked behind his firing range goggles you’d probably see something like this. He’s just a vessel, a skin suit in which the entity of madness has been contained for the good of the many, until he dies and passes it on to the next generation.

You can’t get mad at Steven Seagal. It would be like screaming at a rain cloud.

The real question is: Which of these facts is makes you the saddest?
a) STEVEN SEAGAL has a better relationship with Vladimir Putin than our President
b) STEVEN SEAGAL is asked to give foreign policy advice to the President in the above video (and does), or
c) There are people out there who might actually find comfort in the words of STEVEN SEAGAL, the same guy who once threatened to “cut off the head and piss down the throat” of that chicken-shit pussy asshole Richie?


-J. Jones


The 39 Most Incredible MMA Photos We Posted on Facebook This Year [GALLERY]

(MMA face-swap of the century: Tito and Jenna at the Grammys, via JCSUPERMAN on the UG)

CagePotato isn’t just an outdated MMA blog featuring incredibly biased articles and a non-functional comment section. The truth is, CP is an online media empire, which includes our daily complaints and arguments on Twitter, MMA GIFs and videos on our Tumblr page, and the amazing/ridiculous photographs and memes we post on Facebook.

We spent all morning combing our Facebook photo gallery and hand-picked 39 of the most memorable images that we posted in 2013, which we’ve laid out below along with their original descriptions. Enjoy, and if you’re not following us yet, get with the damn program.

January 8th: Chael Sonnen before he was a superstar heel, and Jeff Monson before he was a walking art gallery. #oldschool #mma

January 9th: Photo of the day: Ed O’Neill chokes out Royce Gracie on the set of Modern Family.


Friday Link Dump: Anderson Silva Pulls Back on Seagal-Worship, Breaking Down Canelo’s ‘Hybrid Style’, The Benefit of Having Small Balls + More

(‘All Access: Mayweather vs. Canelo,’ Episode 4. Props: shosports)

Jon Jones ‘Standing Guillotine’ and the 10 Coolest Submissions in MMA History (BleacherReport)

Lovely Miesha Tate GIFs from The Ultimate Fighter (CagePotatoMMA Tumblr)

Anderson Silva Suggests Steven Seagal Gets Too Much Credit for Vitor Belfort Knockout (MMAFighting)

Mayweather vs Canelo Judo Chop: The Hybrid Style of Canelo Alvarez (BloodyElbow)

World Series of Fighting 5 Preview (Sherdog)

Kimbo vs. Butterbean Superfight in the Works? (TMZ)

Jose Aldo and Renan Barao Sparring (YouTube/totabsb)

Dana White & TUF Producers Cover Medical Bills, Promise UFC Fight for Ejected TUF 18 Fighter Tim Gorman (

Jade Bryce is distracting. (Instagram/EricColeman1)

Burning Man 2013′s Hottest Ladies (MadeMan)

25 Movie Scores to Make Your Life Feel More Epic (Complex)

WTF, Science??: Having Smaller Balls Means You’re More Likely to Be a Better Father (MensFitness)

Top 10 Girls With Guns (DoubleViking)

Awesome Dangerous Semi-Truck Jump (EgoTV)

Horrifying MMA Leg Break (Break)

Better Call Saul!’ – Leaked TV Intro (ScreenJunkies)


Anderson Silva Is Back on The Troll Train, Says He’ll Include Chuck Norris In Training Camp

In the moments and even days following his stunning loss to Chris Weidman last month, fans of long-time UFC middleweight champion Anderson Silva wondered if perhaps the Spider we had all come to know and love might never return. Silva initially balked at a rematch with Weidman, after all, and said that he didn’t want any more title fights.

As we all know by now, Silva reconsidered that decision and will indeed face Weidman for a second time this December. Still, was Silva burned out at 38 years of age? Had he been pressured into accepting the rematch with Weidman? Did he even have the desire to be Anderson Silva anymore?

Perhaps the clearest indication that Silva is back to his old, weird self came recently during a Brazilian radio interview. ”I had a nightmare with Weidman, but I don’t fear him,” Silva said.

“He is determined, but has two arms and two legs just like me. Now I’ll bring Chuck Norris into my training camp]. I’ll bring both, Chuck Norris and Steven Seagal.”

There you have it, nation. Anderson Silva, super troll, has always preceded Anderson the devastating fighter. Here, in coded language, is Anderson Silva telling all his fans throughout the world, “I am once more ready to fuck with you, mentally, the way I have always fucked with you.”


Demian Maia Calls Steven Seagal/Anderson Silva Relationship ‘A Lie’ and ‘A Joke’

(“And then I told him, ‘I’m a martial artist.’ Haha, I know, right?” | Photo via lebeauleblog)

As ridiculous as his peripheral presence in the UFC has been, I can’t remember any pro fighter calling shenanigans on the whole “Steven Seagal has helped coach Anderson Silva” narrative that has been perpetrated on the MMA public over the past few years. That is, until today.

Former Silva foe Demian Maia recently spoke to Yahoo! Esportes and had the guts to go on record and state the obvious — that the bloated fake martial artist and movie actor Steven Seagal has absolutely nothing to teach a real fighter like Silva, and everyone knows it. “That’s a lie, is marketing,” Maia said.

“He never taught anything to Anderson…it is a joke.”


25 Stupid Things That MMA Fans Used to Believe

(“It’ll never happen, ladies. Now go back to the kitchen and make me an eight-sided sandwich.” / Image via CagePotato’s Facebook page, which you should all follow immediately.)

By the Staff

They were undeniable truths — until suddenly, they weren’t. Check out our latest list below, and ask yourself: What do I believe now that will turn out to be utter bullshit someday?

1. Alistair Overeem will become the UFC heavyweight champion in less than a year.

(Photo via Esther Lin/

2. There’s no way a boxer could ever beat a mixed martial artist under MMA rules.

3. Rickson’s record is 400-0. No, seriously.


WTF?! Video of the Day: Thank God, Steven Seagal Has Arrived to Save Our Nation From School Shootings

(Seagal, seen here donning various items of clothing he had stolen from the cubbies of children he cared so dearly for.) 

Somewhere between Hard to Kill and Cockpuncher, Steven Seagal experienced a Christ-like resurrection of his career using only the power of audacity and the “free member for life” coupon to Old Country Buffet he had secured through a sponsorship deal in 1989. Seemingly overnight, the aging sensei emerged from a bargain bin of straight-to-DVD cop films (which to be fair, is a game he’ll never truly leave behind) and gut-bustingly awful musical endeavors to become the personal mentor of the pound-for-pound greatest fighter in the world, inventor of the front kick, and a “respected” member of the law enforcement community. Like the Phoenix who rose out of the Arby’s wrappers of its former self, Seagal was able to successfully come back from the dead and reconnect with semi-fame. And he is not letting go this time.

Take the events of this past weekend, for instance, in which Seagal was able to use said fame to join forces with the Maricopa County Police Department and assemble a posse (his words, not mine) of school shooting response specialists. Because if anyone knows how to react to a real life crisis situation, it’s the guy who has made a career terribly pretending to react to fake ones.

After the jump: A video snippet of this hilariously misguided endeavor, featuring paintball warfare, some misplaced picketing, and a surprising lack of firing range goggles*.


Friday Link Dump: The Definitive Mike Goldberg Blooper Reel, Thiago Tavares Reacts to Failed Drug Test, Steven Seagal’s Latest Adventure + More

(“Progidy.” “The 30-something Randy Couture of the 40-something crowd.” “I don’t speak-a the Portuguesa.” “Leg kick to the midsection.” All the classics are here. / Props: zombie00713 via MiddleEasy)

Thiago Tavares ‘Surprised’ By Recent Failed Drug Test Following UFC On FX 7 (Fightline)

‘Bigfoot’ Silva’s Manager: Cain Velasquez Rematch Possible, but Slower Path to Title Preferred (MMAFighting)

Johny Hendricks Calls Georges St. Pierre an ‘Idiot’ for Thinking Nick Diaz Deserves a Title Shot Over Him (MMA Mania)

Anthony “Showtime” Pettis and the Evolution of Mixed Martial Arts (BleacherReport)

If Condit Gets Hurt, Tyron Woodley Wants to Fight Rory MacDonald at UFC 158 (MMAConvert)

Jack Slack’s Greatest Strikers: A Brief Look At Giorgio Petrosyan (BloodyElbow)

Pictures: Joe Lauzon Competes In Food Decathlon (FightDay)

Steven Seagal and Joe Arpaio Are Training a ‘Posse’ of School Shooting First Responders (FilmDrunk)

The 40 Softest Athletes in Sports History (Complex)

2013 Valentine’s Day Gift Guide (MensHealth)

7 Must-See Photos That Haven’t Been Photoshopped (DoubleViking)

Everyone Is Doing the Harlem Shake Right Now (Break)

50 Horrible Photos Taken By Horribly Professional Photographers (WorldWideInterweb)