Yeah, that’s a lot of adjectives for a fight that lasts two seconds. But hey, watch the video yourself and see if we’re lying to you. A guy gets dummied up with a single punch then remains on his feet for an impressive length of time before going full sequoia, after which the non-combatant in the striped t-shirt falls out like he’s judging a drag show. The instant replay is soundtracked by Enya. If you don’t enjoy this sort of thing, fighting’s just not in your DNA, honey.
CP reader Juan Pablo B. sent us the above video earlier today, and it made us realize that “bully gets owned” videos have become a powerful Internet genre unto themselves, like scare pranks or ASMR vids. The appeal is obvious: We rarely get to see aggressive dickheads get their comeuppance in real life, so it’s always incredibly satisfying when moments like these are caught on tape.
The title of this little piece of absurdist art is “SXSW 2013 Fight : Drunk Bully Gets Knocked OUT!,” but honestly, the shaggy-haired gangsta in the camo shorts getting slept is the least interesting part of the video. There’s just so much to wonder about, before and after the climactic act.
For example, why does the titular drunk start demonstrating his bird-calls at the 0:09 mark? Why is the white dude’s reaction to getting jabbed in the face (0:25-0:28) the funniest thing I’ve seen all month? And seriously, what the hell is wrong with young people today? As soon as CamoShorts gets leveled by a wicked straight-right from the depths of Sucker Punch Hell, the reaction of half the crowd is to pull out their phones, lean over the guy’s body, and mutely, dumbly, shoot footage of a person who at that particular moment is doing absolutely nothing. What, did you think one of them was going to kneel down and perform CPR? These kids? In this America? It’s like a race to see who can most quickly upload a picture of the guy’s face to twitter with the message, “AT SOUTH BY, SHIT GETTING REAL, DUDE GOT KTFO’D INFRONTOFMELOL #PRAY4WEEZY”
And then the cops show up, and the drunk slowly regains his senses, and horses and paramedics arrive, and he’s led off, and the crowd disperses, and…fuck. I don’t know. I just want my country back.