Depending on the spiciness of the sauce being used, a hot wing-eating contest can be one of humanity’s most emotionally-harrowing competitions. Ask this sweaty bastard. The last thing you want to do is mess with somebody who has just completed one of these things. And yet, here we have this pathetic, shirtless excuse for a floor-turd in a backwards Fred Durst-esque fitted douchecap, first grabbing the mouth of Guy in the Middle, then de-pantsing G.i.t.M. during his moment of exhausted triumph.
Guy in the Middle calmly turns around and lands one perfect straight right, and the sore loser goes into wet-noodle mode. And the best part is that nobody around them — not the crowd, not the announcer, not the other contestants — seems to mind one bit. The world can be a beautiful place, sometimes.
Watch the news report above and you’ll see the following: Falcao approaches a woman at a gas station, then angrily swats her in the ear with what appears to be his wallet. The woman and her friend go outside for backup, and three men arrive to confront Falcao and his companion, undefeated MMA featherweight Kaue Mena. Falcao is sucker-punched, which kicks off a wild brawl that spills outside.
Some dude in a red jacket shows up with a 2×4, and hits Falcao over the head twice with it, which knocks him down (and possibly out). The same guy then cracks Mena in the face with the piece of lumber, and Mena falls backward, his head making hard impact with the concrete. A guy in a white shirt repeatedly punches Mena in the face, and kicks him in the head at least twice. Everybody involved leaves the scene before the cops arrive, leaving Mena’s unconscious body behind. Keep in mind, this all started because Maiquel Falcao struck a woman in public.
According to BloodyElbow, Mena is currently in serious condition at the intensive care unit at the Hospital do Coração, and no arrests have been made in connection with the incident. Falcao last competed in February of this year, when he was knocked out by Alexander Shlemenko.
* Ed. note:We were planning to have this up last week, but I had to figure out how to put videos into other videos and make them link to those videos, and blah blah blah Brittney Palmer, but you’ll see what I mean at the end of this one.
There’s nothing more entertaining than a bad street fight. With that in mind, CagePotato is kicking off a new collaboration with our old friend Gerald Harris, in which the MMA fighter/comedian overdubs some hilarious new dialogue to infamous street fight videos.
Like that Henry Rollins photo we posted on our Facebook page earlier today, this clip is so incredible that part of us wonders if it’s 100% legit. Humbly titled “emo fight,” the video above depicts a scrap between two young dudes in some sort of industrial park, and kicks off with about a minute of wild scrambles, reversals, and odd positions, including (but not limited to) a full-on wheelbarrow and a Sudo/Oxley-style giant swing. And then it happens: The taller, lankier combatant takes the other guy’s back, wraps one arm around his neck, grabs his opponent’s ankle with his other hand, and wrenches the poor son-of-a-bitch across his back until unconsciousness is achieved. (If you have a snappier name for this finishing move than “flying inverted back-breaker choke,” by all means share it in the comments section.)
Now, if this had happened in a real MMA match, it would be a bulletproof Submission of the Year candidate, with a guaranteed spot in the 2013 Potato Awards. Unfortunately, it’s just another street fight between two high-schoolers who may or may not have choreographed the whole thing. We’ve certainly been fooled before. So what do you think…real deal or straight bullshit?
Before you guys start jumping on your soapboxes in regards to the legitimacy of street fight videos on an MMA website, just check this shit out right here. I’m not one to unnecessarily hype up a video, but I am going to go ahead and declare this THE GREATEST STREET FIGHT KNOCKOUT OF ALL TIME.
Here’s the backstory as I imagined it: Aryan Abe Lincoln was just coming home from a rough day at work. He blew a tire on the way in, forgot to pack a lunch, and got royally chewed out by his boss because Johnson in accounting had botched his quarterly reports (again!). And to make matters worse, his whore of a wife — I say “whore” because it was well known by Aryan Abe’s neighbors that she was a Bulgarian prostitute he had mail-ordered — had gone and jumped into bed with the pool boy, Ronie with one n, who was now standing outside Abe’s house declaring that he would fight for her love.
Unfortunately for Ronie, Aryan Abe had been studying Muay Thai over the past few years, you know, to cope with the fact that his wife was a whore, and quickly put the kibosh on Ronie’s proposal in emphatic fashion. That sound you heard, believe it or not, was not that of a bologna roll being dropped from a roof off screen, but that of poor Ronie’s dreams and aspirations coming to a crashing halt.
We’re going to come right out and say it: By no means should you watch this entire video. We know that your time is precious, Potato Nation, as you are all, like us, the head honchos of your respective trades. But on the off chance that any of you have had a shit day and are in need of a pick-me-up, maybe, just maybe, you’ll get some enjoyment out of seeing a little street justice. This video, shot by one of the many onlookers, captures Devin Crime (or as the crowd referred to him “white boy”), a BJJ purple belt and Judo brown belt, coming to the aid of a woman who was apparently being struck by the Floyd Mayweather fan doing battle with Devin in said video. And by doing battle, we mean being choked until he taps like a little bitch on two separate occasions.
The video begins after this first takedown has already been landed, and even though Devin displays some Zen-like tranquility when dealing with the a-hole in question, he gets sucker punched for his troubles (:48). Devin responds with a hailstorm of GnP that would make Tito Ortiz turn green with envy, bloodying up his foe before possibly kissing him on the cheek (?) at the 1:13 mark. After some lay and pray, he patiently locks in the fight-ending choke with just over two minutes remaining in the first round.
Unfortunately, his foe is a firm believer in the Chael Sonnen system of submission fighting, and is under the impression that tapping out only ends the round, not the fight. After he is let to his feet to gather his things, he makes sure his hat is on at a good 45 degree angle before sucker punching Crime again (4:02). Crime proceeds to drag the assailant into the nearby bushes (4:06), and at this point it appears as if we are watching either a rape in progress or a snuff film or both. From there, it’s a smooth pass to mount and a rear-naked choke finish (5:00). When the thug is let back to his feet yet again, the singer of P.O.D appears out of nowhere to give him a final reason to get to stepping via his fist.
We have no idea if anyone was arrested for the alleged incident that sparked this brawl, but our hat goes off to Crime for his act of bravery. Nick Ring would be proud.
You know, it’s rare that we come across a filmed street fight with a video quality above that of The Blair Witch Project, and even more rare that we see one with any sort of technique involved whatsoever. Sure, Eddie Bravo will straight choke you to death if you cross him on camera, but it’s fair to say that most of the fights we catch on the Youtubes often involve two drunken nightclub patrons attempting to knock the glitter covered dragons off each other’s Ed Hardy v-necks using a fighting style that can only be described as “Tasmanian Devil-esque.”