“9-1-1! Call 9-1-1! Stop your fucking smiling! This asshole steals from me! You think it’s a joke? 9-1-1! I’m trying to stop a thief! Let’s go, goof! You wanna rob from me? Let’s go!”
And with that battle cry, one of the saddest but weirdly inspiring street fight videos we’ve ever seen is set into motion. First, we see an armless, legless man yell out in anger from a wheelchair on a sidewalk, accusing another man of stealing from him. The camera pans and we see a guy in a hat squared up with a blonde person in the middle of a street, as cars honk past them.
When the yellow-haired fighter — who seems to be sided with the man in the wheelchair — gets taken down, our limbless hero hops off his wheelchair and bounces towards the grounded pair. The speed at which he closes the distance is terrifying. Once he has joined the pile of bodies, he uses all the powers at his disposal to fight the accused thief until onlookers separate them. “You’re kidding me,” the cameraman says.
Like most street fights, this looks to be a sad situation and truthfully, we have no idea who is in the right and wrong here. However, we like to imagine that the man in the wheelchair was indeed taken advantage of due to his reduced condition, a friend tried to defend him, and when that friend’s fortunes took a bad turn in the fight, wheelchair-man didn’t let his own lack of appendages stop him from throwing down in the middle of a busy street.
Kind of like a real-life, noble Black Knight. “NONE SHALL PASS!”
(“Some of my best friends are black” defense in 5…4…3…” / Photo via ProElite)
This fucking guy. Jason “Mayhem” Miller has had some problems lately. More accurately, the people he’s allegedly terrorized lately have had some problems. Notably, there are the multiple charges and arrests related to domestic abuse for which Miller is currently out on bond for.
After the event, Fontanez tweeted that he saw and heard Miller hurl a racial epithet at Hall. Hall then reportedly went after Miller physically and a fight ensued before being broken up by security of the casino they were in at the time. Below are some of Fontanez’s tweets from late Friday night.
A Stockton, California, man proved this weekend that watching mixed martial arts does in fact make you a tough guy, and that pulling guard in a street fight can work. Our friends over at News 10 Stockton, have the story.
“Abel Simmons has been a huge fan of the Ultimate Fighting Championship (UFC) for years. But never did he imagine that he would be using the moves to defend himself or his family from a carjacking suspect.
Simmons, 29, was able to stop and hold down his attacker until police came.
Simmons says his family was pulling up to their home on E. Jefferson Street Saturday night. They had just returned from watching a UFC fight.
They were in the driveway when a man came up and started pounding on the back window of their SUV. Then, the man tried opening the back door where Simmon’s sons – a newborn and a 2 year old – were sleeping. Fortunately, the door was locked.
Simmons, who was sitting in the passenger seat, jumped out out and tried to stop the man. His wife, who was driving, called 911.”
The alleged car jacker then punched Simmons in the face and that’s when shit got real. Simmons says he changed levels, wrapped his arms around the assailant’s legs, and took him down to the ground.
Some months ago we saw a short but wonderful video of some loud-mouthed whipper snapper getting slept by a silent, stone-cold killer older gentleman. The video starts off with the loud dude shouting threats to the dapper and calm man standing some twenty feet away.
Then, the obnoxious, threatening guy walks over and gets in the face of the old guy only to promptly be hit and knocked out cold by a one-two combination. Before the idiot did walk over to get his come-uppance, voices from others near by warned him not to “go over there,” and also referred to the old man as “champ.” We wondered if the KO artist was who we thought it was but, being the responsible publication that we are, waited to get some type of confirmation that it was before publishing.
The Daily Mail over in the UK reports that the old-man bad ass int he video is none other than Rocky Lockridge, a former boxing champion who battled the best of the best during the 1980′s and early 90′s, including Julio Cesar Chavez, Roger Mayweather and Rafael Ruelas.
Ok, so Rocky isn’t really that old, but a long career in boxing and battling drug addiction don’t make you young by the time you’re in your 50′s. Besides, he appeared to be much younger than his assailant.
Oh yeah, we forgot to mention that Rocky knocked out that fool (and the drink out of his hand) all while wearing red pants and without his snap brim hat falling from his head. That’s some OG, super hero shiznit if we’ve ever seen it.
Today’s street fighting lesson, taters – If the guy you’re harassing stands at stares at you, without uttering a word and with total calm, and is wearing a fedora and gosh darned solid red pants, don’t down there. Leave that man alone.
In our first installment of MMA in the Wild, we observed the fighting patterns of the HillBillyetica DipShiticus, a creature that used Facebook chicanery and a surprisingly diverse striking attack to display his dominance as alpha male of the porch-dwelling, slack-jawed humanoid tribe. In today’s installment, we will witness a beast of an entirely different nature (puns!), known henceforth as the Ninjitsu Ballisticus. Combining the hidden rage of the World of Warcraft freak out kid with the technical striking abilities of a young Cung Le, Ballisticus does not head into the wild seeking a fight, and will only resort to such primitive methods of solving a dispute when his back is against a wall.
But when his back is against the wall, prepare for hell, because he will hit you with such force that both a visible dust cloud will appear on impact and THE GUILE THEME SONG WILL BE EXPELLED FROM THE HEAVENS.
And just as quickly as he thrashes you to and fro like some kind of child’s play thing, he will declare that “He didn’t come to the river for this shit!” before vanishing back into the trees. The Ninjitsu Ballisticus, ladies and gentlemen.
(“Can you guys hurry this up? My Mom…I mean The Phoenix signal is calling.”)
If you are an MMA fan, a comic book fan, or just a really lonely guy, then you’ve probably heard the story of Phoenix Jones a.k.a Ben Fodor, the amateur MMA fighter/”superhero” that according to his Wikipedia page “is an American leader of a ten-member citizen crime-prevention patrol group who call themselves the Rain City Superhero Movement.” So basically, a bunch of dudes who never met a Friday night they couldn’t squander formed a neighborhood watch group and dressed in cosplay. Because as we all know, the best way to be taken seriously is to dress up like a bumblebee and hand out life lessons to the drunks who happen to stumble out of the bars each night.
Here at CagePotato HQ, we’ve decided to take a break from our regularly scheduled programming to bring you this street fight video. On the scale of Worst…Street Fight…Ever to Redneck Defends Fiance’s Honor, Wins on Points, we’d have to rank it somewhere above the latter, if only for the decisive, not to mention completely unexpected finish it provides. Plus, an onlooker shouts, “Kick his ass, sea bass!” and there’s even a very audible “F*ck him up!” tossed in for good measure, so this video basically appeals to all audiences.
We’re going to come right out and say it: By no means should you watch this entire video. We know that your time is precious, Potato Nation, as you are all, like us, the head honchos of your respective trades. But on the off chance that any of you have had a shit day and are in need of a pick-me-up, maybe, just maybe, you’ll get some enjoyment out of seeing a little street justice. This video, shot by one of the many onlookers, captures Devin Crime (or as the crowd referred to him “white boy”), a BJJ purple belt and Judo brown belt, coming to the aid of a woman who was apparently being struck by the Floyd Mayweather fan doing battle with Devin in said video. And by doing battle, we mean being choked until he taps like a little bitch on two separate occasions.
The video begins after this first takedown has already been landed, and even though Devin displays some Zen-like tranquility when dealing with the a-hole in question, he gets sucker punched for his troubles (:48). Devin responds with a hailstorm of GnP that would make Tito Ortiz turn green with envy, bloodying up his foe before possibly kissing him on the cheek (?) at the 1:13 mark. After some lay and pray, he patiently locks in the fight-ending choke with just over two minutes remaining in the first round.
Unfortunately, his foe is a firm believer in the Chael Sonnen system of submission fighting, and is under the impression that tapping out only ends the round, not the fight. After he is let to his feet to gather his things, he makes sure his hat is on at a good 45 degree angle before sucker punching Crime again (4:02). Crime proceeds to drag the assailant into the nearby bushes (4:06), and at this point it appears as if we are watching either a rape in progress or a snuff film or both. From there, it’s a smooth pass to mount and a rear-naked choke finish (5:00). When the thug is let back to his feet yet again, the singer of P.O.D appears out of nowhere to give him a final reason to get to stepping via his fist.
We have no idea if anyone was arrested for the alleged incident that sparked this brawl, but our hat goes off to Crime for his act of bravery. Nick Ring would be proud.
(Bones’ unorthodox stand-up proved too much for Rashad.)
We’ve all seen street “fights” like the one below when we were younger, where the two combatants spend more time circling and jawing at each other than they do actually settling things the way boys do: by sloppily throwing haymakers until they both gas out.
Apparently in this hood, beef quashing is a community initiative as you can see by the mother screaming encouragement while several adults and kids look on as these two young men nearly get it on. Their stand-up makes Royce Gracie’s look like Badr Hari’s.