(Props: FleeceJohnson69 via CP reader John S.)

The title of this little piece of absurdist art is “SXSW 2013 Fight : Drunk Bully Gets Knocked OUT!,” but honestly, the shaggy-haired gangsta in the camo shorts getting slept is the least interesting part of the video. There’s just so much to wonder about, before and after the climactic act.

For example, why does the titular drunk start demonstrating his bird-calls at the 0:09 mark? Why is the white dude’s reaction to getting jabbed in the face (0:25-0:28) the funniest thing I’ve seen all month? And seriously, what the hell is wrong with young people today? As soon as CamoShorts gets leveled by a wicked straight-right from the depths of Sucker Punch Hell, the reaction of half the crowd is to pull out their phones, lean over the guy’s body, and mutely, dumbly, shoot footage of a person who at that particular moment is doing absolutely nothing. What, did you think one of them was going to kneel down and perform CPR? These kids? In this America? It’s like a race to see who can most quickly upload a picture of the guy’s face to twitter with the message, “AT SOUTH BY, SHIT GETTING REAL, DUDE GOT KTFO’D INFRONTOFMELOL #PRAY4WEEZY”

And then the cops show up, and the drunk slowly regains his senses, and horses and paramedics arrive, and he’s led off, and the crowd disperses, and…fuck. I don’t know. I just want my country back.

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In the latest installment of our Street Fight Funhouse video series*, MMA fighter/comedian Gerald Harris overdubs some dialogue for a street-fight that ends with a brutal soccer kick KO from an over-protective mother. Stay tuned for more of our street-fight remixes, and follow Gerald on twitter @GHurricane.

* Ed. note: We were planning to have this up last week, but I had to figure out how to put videos into other videos and make them link to those videos, and blah blah blah Brittney Palmer, but you’ll see what I mean at the end of this one.

(Video via YouTube.com/CagePotato)

There’s nothing more entertaining than a bad street fight. With that in mind, CagePotato is kicking off a new collaboration with our old friend Gerald Harris, in which the MMA fighter/comedian overdubs some hilarious new dialogue to infamous street fight videos.

Check out the first installment of “Street Fight Funhouse” above, in which Gerald takes on a classic Canadian street-scrap from 1991. If you’d like to see future installments of this series, please subscribe to CagePotato’s YouTube channel right here. We’ll be putting out a new episode every other week. And show Gerald some love by visiting his own amazing YouTube page (HAHAHurricane) and following him on twitter!

Thanks for watching, and let us know what you think.

(Props: KickYoNuts)

Like that Henry Rollins photo we posted on our Facebook page earlier today, this clip is so incredible that part of us wonders if it’s 100% legit. Humbly titled “emo fight,” the video above depicts a scrap between two young dudes in some sort of industrial park, and kicks off with about a minute of wild scrambles, reversals, and odd positions, including (but not limited to) a full-on wheelbarrow and a Sudo/Oxley-style giant swing. And then it happens: The taller, lankier combatant takes the other guy’s back, wraps one arm around his neck, grabs his opponent’s ankle with his other hand, and wrenches the poor son-of-a-bitch across his back until unconsciousness is achieved. (If you have a snappier name for this finishing move than “flying inverted back-breaker choke,” by all means share it in the comments section.)

Now, if this had happened in a real MMA match, it would be a bulletproof Submission of the Year candidate, with a guaranteed spot in the 2013 Potato Awards. Unfortunately, it’s just another street fight between two high-schoolers who may or may not have choreographed the whole thing. We’ve certainly been fooled before. So what do you think…real deal or straight bullshit?

(Props to Fightlinker for the find.)

Before you guys start jumping on your soapboxes in regards to the legitimacy of street fight videos on an MMA website, just check this shit out right here. I’m not one to unnecessarily hype up a video, but I am going to go ahead and declare this THE GREATEST STREET FIGHT KNOCKOUT OF ALL TIME.

Here’s the backstory as I imagined it: Aryan Abe Lincoln was just coming home from a rough day at work. He blew a tire on the way in, forgot to pack a lunch, and got royally chewed out by his boss because Johnson in accounting had botched his quarterly reports (again!). And to make matters worse, his whore of a wife — I say “whore” because it was well known by Aryan Abe’s neighbors that she was a Bulgarian prostitute he had mail-ordered — had gone and jumped into bed with the pool boy, Ronie with one n, who was now standing outside Abe’s house declaring that he would fight for her love.

Unfortunately for Ronie, Aryan Abe had been studying Muay Thai over the past few years, you know, to cope with the fact that his wife was a whore, and quickly put the kibosh on Ronie’s proposal in emphatic fashion. That sound you heard, believe it or not, was not that of a bologna roll being dropped from a roof off screen, but that of poor Ronie’s dreams and aspirations coming to a crashing halt.

(The word “harpooned” comes to mind. Props: labrea69, via the always-entertaining Tuesday Night Fights feature on Deadspin)

- David vs. Goliath freak-show booking? Check.

- Walk-off knockout? Check.

- Loser collapses lawn-chair style? Check…

- …with his enormous belly exposed to all humanity? CHECK.

The only way this KO would be more satisfying is if the fat dude (aka “400 Pound Boy From Detroit“) started involuntarily masturbating while unconscious, and then Maury Povich walked up to inform him that in the case of 2-year-old Teesha, he in fact is the father. Aside from that, awesome stuff, Internet.

(Props: CRE)

When two drunk jackasses swing haymakers at each other in front of a nightclub, it’s a street fight. When a redneck with a tattoo of a backbone down his back throws multiple spinning wheel-kicks, knees from the clinch, and what appears to a Superman punch (1:13 mark) during a personal dispute, it’s something different. It’s something we like to call…MMA in the Wild.

To summarize, beefy dude in the tank top has allegedly been sending inappropriate messages to shirtless guy’s girlfriend on the Facebook. Shirtless guy intercepts the messages, and then, posing as his own girlfriend, he continues the conversation just to gather more evidence, I guess, and not because he actually enjoys posing as a girl on Facebook. So, shirtless dude posses up with some of his bros (just in case things get out of hand) and confronts tank top dude on a porch, whose denials are not well-received. As it turns out, tank top dude has a hell of a chin, but it isn’t much of a “fight,” per se.

In the end, shirtless guy is unable to secure the stoppage he was looking for, but he has clearly made a statement to the rest of the redneck lightweight porch-fighting division. You can bet that “Say Goodnight!” guy was watching this scrap with great interest.

(“Uh…your hands getting tired yet?”)

For our first crowd-sourced CagePotato Roundtable, we asked you to give us your wildest fight memories, and damn did you people deliver. Our tip-line was flooded with dozens of hilarious, horrifying, obviously exaggerated tales. In the interest of brevity, we cherry-picked the 12 best submissions for today’s column, which you can read below, including a gem from CageWriter‘s own Maggie Hendricks, and a heart-warming story of asshole-comeuppance from the amateur MMA circuit. But first, one that’s near and dear to my heart…

RollsRoyceGracie writes:

This was back in 1988, when I was a senior in college, in Boston. It was late and I was a little drunk, but my biggest problem was the horrible Chinese food I had for dinner earlier that was trying to make its way down the pipeline and into my drawers. I was walking in a mostly residential neighborhood, having failed to score with my date, and I was looking for a McDonalds or a gas station, but I was getting ready to settle for a dark corner behind someone’s garage. [Ed. note: Been there, bro. Been there.]

As luck would have it, two local dropouts spotted me and innately sensed my vulnerability. They hustled over to my side of the street, but I decided to keep walking and ignore them. They didn’t like being ignored. I remember them calling me “Cock” – “Hey cock, where ya headed?” “Hey cock, why ya lookin’ so sour?” I foolishly insulted them by blurting out that I didn’t have any money. “Ya think we’re gonna rob ya, cock? We’re just lookin’ for some sport.” And with that, the smaller one, a skinny kid maybe 40 pounds lighter than me (because I let myself get fat in college), punched me in the stomach. I shit myself on the spot. Loudly.

(“You break my high-score on Frogger? I break *you*.”)

We’re going to do something a little different for this week’s installment of the CagePotato Roundtable. Instead of listening to us blowhards pontificate, we’re going to let you guys run the show. The topic is: “What was the most memorable fight you’ve ever been in?”

It could be your first schoolyard scrap, a wild bar brawl when you were old enough to know better, or your first/greatest experience with sanctioned competition. Maybe a simple Halloween visit to Denny’s ended with you having to throw a chair at a bitch. Maybe you insulted Bas Rutten’s wife a few years back and have walked with a limp ever since. As long as your story is entertaining, we’d love to hear it.

Send your stories to tips@cagepotato.com by this Thursday night at midnight ET. We’ll pick a handful of the best ones and run ‘em on Friday. Please let us know if you don’t want us to print your names; we know some of you have outstanding warrants. Thanks guys!

Guy In Wheelchair Stops Robber – Watch more Funny Videos

Word to the wise — before you try to start trouble at a convenience store, make sure there isn’t a paraplegic BJJ specialist waiting in line to buy scratch-off tickets. The above video was taken Saturday night in Vancouver, after a man tried to pass off a suspicious-looking $50 bill. When the clerk refused to accept it, the dude in black lurched awkwardly behind the counter, clearly up to no good.

That’s when Epic Wheelchair Man (real name: Larry Skopnik) rolls up and grabs a rear-naked choke. The robber twists away, and Skopnik transitions to the same kind of guillotine that Dan Miller tapped Jake Rosholt with. And he would have sunk it if those other dudes hadn’t started meddling. (How ’bout that pussy swinging the "Wet Floor" sign?) The gang was able to subdue the bad guy until police arrived. As Skopnik said later, "I don’t feel like a hero and I’m not really comfortable with this limelight. What made me do that is inside of me. It has nothing to do with disability." In other words, you can take a man’s legs, but you can never take his balls.

Thanks to CagePotato reader Paul B. for the tip!

(Props: SOULJAHBOY1219)

We’ve already gotten a glimpse of TUF 12 castmember Alex Caceres, the afro’d cut-up who brought his own Bruce Lee costume to the set. Alex sports an MMA record of 4-2 — not including the unsanctioned backyard brawls he had in Perrine, Florida back in the day, hosted by Kimbo-esque fighter/promoter DaDa 5000 (of Dawg Fight fame). UG’er joe bruce found the above video of Caceres in one of those fights, scrapping with a gentleman named Chocolate in a 12-foot-square patch of grass. Chocolate is a handful at first, throwing wild punches and slamming Caceres on more than one occasion, but once Alex sets up the triangle choke, it’s only a matter of time before he gets the chill-dog tap. Afterwards, "Bruce" informs us that he takes slams all day, and basks in his instant celebrity. Not bad for a guy whose fight skills come from a delinquency prevention program.

Alex’s path to UFC glory begins this Wednesday night after UFC Fight Night 22 (which we’ll be liveblogging, FYI), when he does battle in the elimination round of TUF 12. For more of Bruce Leroy, check out his extended Ultimate Fighter video profile.

(Props: YouTube.com/PrivateMichael104)

The story of Tito Ortiz getting punched out by convicted bank robber Lee Murray during an alleyway altercation after UFC 38 has grown into one of MMA’s most beloved bits of folklore. The most famous version — relayed second-hand from a drunken Pat Miletich and published in Matt Hughes’s autobiography Made in America — ends with Tito Ortiz getting starched by "like, a five-punch combo," then boot-stomped.

On this Friday’s installment of Michael Schiavello’s HDNet interview series The Voice Vs…, Ortiz gets to tell his side of the tale. Basically, it was Ortiz’s friend that was getting stomped, and when Murray dropped Ortiz with a punch it was more of slip then anything else, and that only happened after Murray was running away like a little bitch, and Tito was able to pop back up anyway. As Tito explains, "I was never unconscious at the time, in my whole career I’ve never been unconscious, and I never will go unconscious." Also, Lee Murray’s robbery conviction was karmic revenge for this embarrassing story being spread around.

No mention of the best part of the Ortiz vs. Murray street fight legend, which involved Chuck Liddell knocking multiple dudes out with his back against a wall. Where were you back then, TMZ?

Roger Huerta Street Fight – Watch more Funny Videos
(Video courtesy of TMZ.com)

As if he wasn’t already worshipped by enough women, Roger Huerta increased his hero points this weekend by stomping the crap out of some worthless coward who sucker punched a girl outside of a bar in Austin. Check out the video above and you will see…

0:04: The sucker punch in question. Watch as the perp just strolls away like a total bitch.

0:16: Former UFC lightweight contender Roger Huerta comes by. He’s not happy with what he’s just witnessed, and wants to regulate.

(Props: HDWSHOWS via Fightlinker)

You know, it’s easy to dismiss San Do as a crackpot gimmick created by mentally handicapped people. (See also: Xtreme Arm Wrestling, Kung Fu Football) But watching this promo trailer for a new three-man MMA league, I can’t help but wonder if "Triple Warrior Combat" could be the future of the sport. Think about it: MMA is popular because human beings — particularly dudes in the 18-34 age range — have a weird compulsion to watch people fight. (Remember Dana White’s four corners analogy?) And fight promoters have always assumed that one guy vs. one guy is the smartest way to do things — and it is, without question. But is a fight between two people inherently more interesting than fights involving three or more people?

In other words, which would you rather see: This Saturday’s lightweight tilt between Frank Edgar and Matt Veach, or an out-of-control Russian supermarket brawl? To me, San Do seems like an attempt to regulate street fights and present them to paying audiences. People love street fights. Who knows what the combat sports landscape will look like in another 20 years, but I won’t be surprised if a multiple-combatant league becomes a legitimate option for fight fans. All I know is, one day there will be an undefeated heavyweight champion of beating-two-guys-at-the-same-time, and you will not want to fuck with this man.

(BG)

(Just before the nightclub brawl, Overeem also reportedly negged eight women and kino escalated on six.)

When it was announced that Alistair Overeem turned down a Strikeforce heavyweight title fight against Brett Rogers due to an injured hand, we thought it was one of those phantom injuries that mysteriously arises when someone asks you to fight a comparatively unknown up-and-comer on a month’s notice. But it turns out Overeem’s injury is very real. And there’s a pretty interesting story behind it. Fighter’s Only has the tale…

UFCs Dana White, Forrest Griffin and Kenny Florian on Dr. Phil – Watch more Funny Videos

The UFC prez and two of his henchmen showed up on Dr. Phil today, during a very special show about dangerous teen trends. After one segment where a boy’s smartie-smokin’ led him to marijuana (gasp!), it was time to cast an eye on the alarming trend of basement fighting. Dana White, Forrest Griffin, and somebody named "Kenny Florini" were on hand to tell two young aspiring fighters that what they were doing wasn’t cool. Well, Forrest did say he appreciated their spirit, and Kenny was basically like "just be careful," but Dana really laid down the law when he explained how boxing resulted in more deaths than mixed martial arts. That’s what we call "staying on message."

(Props: Steve Cofield, again)

We just had to go and complain that Elite XC and CBS weren’t doing enough to hype their Oct. 4 event. Then came “Hits & Chicks.” Now it’s “the greatest mixed martial arts show in Florida history” featuring “undefeated Miami street fighting legend” Kimbo Slice. Oh, and just in case you were worried that his street fighting days weren’t being well-represented enough, they made sure to include plenty of clips. I don’t know if they’re referring to him as undefeated in MMA, which is true, or undefeated in street fighting, which is not (Sean Gannon, anyone?), but either way you get the point. They stop just short of showing Kimbo working out with the Milf Hunter, presumably because they had to give Ken Shamrock his obligatory three seconds of screen time.

When it comes to selling tickets, I guess you hype whatever you got, however you can.

If this had happened a few weeks earlier, it might have made our Best Street Fight Videos list – even if it wasn’t much of a fight. Recently, former “Desperate Housewives” actor Jesse Metcalf demonstrated how to pretend you’re a bad ass, when you’re really just shitting your pants and trying not to cry because you got jacked with a monster right.

Were those four or five ounce gloves the small dude was wearing? I must admit I get great pleasure in seeing this priss get taken to the ground. And his reaction after the punch makes it even funnier. He waits just long enough so his posse of secret service dudes shuttle the offender away, then pretends like he wants to brawl. “What the fuck?”, apparently being the key phrase that makes you look tough. I’ll tell you WTF: you got punished for what you did in the video below.

What the fuck indeed. Now I want to punch you, Jesse Metcalf. I hope Joe Rogan meets him at a Hollywood party and chokes him out.