(I know what you’re thinking: Why the hell did they leave Nandor Guelmino off the poster? Well I don’t mean to alarm you, but that bright shining ball of fire in the background *is* Nandor Guelmino.)

Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to the end of the world. Tonight’s last-ever Strikeforce event went from a championship triple-header to Squash City in a hurry, and it’s okay to feel depressed about it. (If you need somebody to talk to, call 1-888-BRO-TATO and one of our mental health professionals will be on the line shortly.)

On the main card this evening, Nate Marquardt puts his welterweight title on the line against Belgian standout Tarec Saffiedine, Daniel Cormier and Josh Barnett try not to shit the bed against their unheralded opponents, Gegard Mousasi returns from a long layoff to face Mike Kyle, and Ed Herman crosses the UFC/Strikeforce DMZ to bang with the always-dangerous Ronaldo “Jacare” Souza.

Like a spirit guide leading us from one realm of existence to the next, Jim Genia will be sticking round-by-round results from the “Marquardt vs. Saffiedine” Showtime broadcast after the jump, beginning at 10 p.m. ET. Make your voices heard in the comments section, and please, let’s honor this moment.

(“You want to go somewhere else? That creepy fat guy has been staring at us all night.” / Photo courtesy of CombatLifestyle. For more pics from this set, click here.)

Tonight, we’re gonna have ourselves a real good time, we feel ali-hi-hi-hiiiive. Ronda Rousey — the lightning-rod heel-champion of women’s MMA — will attempt to defend her Strikeforce 135-pound title against former champ Sarah Kaufman, most likely by first-round armbar. (The winner will face Cris Cyborg immediately afterwards in the parking lot.) Before that, we’ve got a bunch of men’s fights that seem way less interesting by comparison. For instance, former Strikeforce middleweight champion Ronaldo “Jacare” Souza is in the co-main event spot against 9-1 middleweight Derek “The Human Blanket (!)” Brunson, while Tarec Saffiedine, Roger Bowling, Lumumba Sayers, and Ovince St. Preux round out the crew of featured fighters who you might have heard of before.

Handling the thankless job of spelling out all these names in tonight’s liveblog is CagePotato weekend warrior Anthony Gannon, who will be providing round-by-round results from the Showtime main card broadcast after the jump, beginning at 10 p.m. ET. Refresh the page every few minutes for all the latest and please make your presence known in the comments section.

(Luckily, Scott Coker was there to break the tension with one of his trademark sauerkraut farts. I’m sorry, I usually don’t go that lowbrow, but nobody’s reading this, right? / Props: Esther Lin/Showtime)

Here’s a quick list of things that people are more interested in than Strikeforce: Rockhold vs. Kennedy, according to Google trends: Bastille Day. Chick-fil-A. Wayne Gretsky’s foxy daughter, Paulina Gretsky. Steam. Yes, steam, like vaporized water. Now, was all that just a cheap ploy to draw more search traffic to our liveblog? Sure. But you know what? These guys need all the attention they can get.

If you’re here with us tonight, we thank you and welcome you. Tonight, Strikeforce is presenting a title fight double-bill, with Luke Rockhold attempting to make his second middleweight belt-defense against Tim Kennedy, and Nate Marquardt and Tyron Woodley throwing down for the vacant 170-pound strap. Plus, Robbie Lawler welcomes Lorenz Larkin to the middleweight division, and Keith Jardine gets a third chance to earn a win in Strikeforce, this time against BJJ scion Roger Gracie.

We’ll be giving you round-by-round results from the Showtime main card starting at 10 p.m. ET. Refresh the page every few minutes for all the latest, and feel free to discuss Gustav Klimt and Michael Clark Duncan’s heart-attack in the comments section.

(The time for talking is over. The time for looking into a camera and screaming has just begun. Photo via Esther Lin/SHO Sports.)

If you had told me 16 months ago that the Strikeforce 2011-2012 Heavyweight Grand Prix would conclude with an unheralded reserve-fighter ending up in the finals, and tournament favorite Alistair Overeem nowhere to be seen due to promotional poaching and a subsequent drug-test scandal, I would have said “Yeah, that sounds about right, actually.”

The good news is, Josh Barnett vs. Daniel Cormier is a hell of a matchup — a classic generational battle between a battle-tested old veteran and a hungry up-and-comer. (As it turns out, Barnett is only like a year-and-a-half older than Cormier, but work with me here.) Also on the main card: Gilbert Melendez and Josh Thomson fight for Strikeforce’s lightweight title for the third time, while light-heavyweights Mike Kyle and Rafael “Feijao” Cavalcante throw down in a rematch of their own.

Handling the play-by-play for the tonight’s Showtime broadcast of Strikforce: Barnett vs. Cormier is our own Elias Cepeda, who will be posting live results after the jump starting at 10 p.m. ET. Refresh the page every few minutes for all the latest, and let us know how you feel in the comments section. You ready for war? Because guys, we are always ready for war.

(Worst. Charity bachelor auction. Ever. / Photo via Strikeforce)

Okay, let’s go through this one more time: Luke Rockhold is Strikeforce’s middleweight champion. Keith Jardine is the former UFC light-heavyweight contender who Rousey’d his way into a title shot at 185. They’ll be fighting in the main event of tonight’s Strikeforce card on Showtime. Also, King Mo returns against Lorenz “The Monsoon” Larkin, Robbie Lawler faces off against Russkie McFancykicks, and Jordan Mein will try to snap Tyron Woodley’s undefeated record with those bionic elbows of his.

I fully expect tonight’s liveblog turnout to be more of an “intimate” affair, but that doesn’t mean we won’t do our best to give you a good show. Round-by-round results from the “Rockhold vs. Jardine” main card broadcast will be piling up after the jump starting at 10 p.m. ET, courtesy of CagePotato liveblog up-and-comer Steve Silverman. Refresh the page every few minutes for all the latest, and don’t forget to share your thoughts in the comments section. Thanks for coming, guys.

(Dan Cormier does a dead-on impression of how his face is going to look after he gets hit with one of those fists. / Photo via MMAFighting.com)

Tonight, four big-ass dudes become two, and we mean that in the straightest way possible. Strikeforce’s lovably meaningless heavyweight tournament reaches its semi-final phase tonight at the U.S. Bank Arena in Cicinnati, Ohio, supported by a middleweight title fight and a compelling light-heavyweight feature between Muhammad “King Mo” Lawal and Roger Gracie.

Round-by-round results for the “Barnett vs. Kharitonov” Showtime main card will be piling up after the jump starting at 10:30 p.m. ET. CagePotato liveblog-mercenary Matt Kaplan will be handling business tonight, so please make him feel welcome, and refresh the page every few minutes for all the latest.

(“Fedor, it’s an honor to fight you. And Scott, no matter what happens tonight, I’ll be violently sodomizing you later.” Photo courtesy of CombatLifestyle. For more photos from this album, click here.)

There might not be much on the line in the grand scheme of things, but make no mistake — Fedor Emelianenko vs. Dan Henderson is a superfight. It’s rare that two MMA fighters with so many combined accolades step into the same cage to do battle. Thanks for coming by tonight and watching it with us.

Also on the card: the 135-pound women’s title fight between Marloes Coenen and Miesha Tate, and a pack of heavy-hitting supporting players like Robbie Lawler, Tim Kennedy, Paul Daley, and Scott Smith.

Live round-by-round results from the Showtime broadcast of Strikeforce: Fedor vs. Henderson will be piling up after the jump beginning at 10 p.m. ET. Refresh the page for all the latest and let your thoughts be heard in the comments section, even if they’re relatively stupid thoughts like, “DAAAAYYUM HE GOT NOCKED THE FUGGOUT!!1!” Come on in…

(Where’s your creepy joker-smile now, playboy?)

The latest installment in Strikeforce’s Heavyweight Grand Prix Tournament goes down tonight at the American Airlines Arena in Dallas, featuring the long-awaited rematch between Alistair Overeem and Fabricio Werdum, and Josh Barnett’s promotional debut against Brett Rogers. Plus, KJ Noons and Jorge Masvidal jockey for #1 contendership in the lightweight division, and 14-year veteran Jeff Monson collides with rising heavyweight star Daniel Cormier.

Handling the play-by-play for this evening will be the Shemp Howard of CagePotato’s liveblog-rotation, Matt Kaplan, so let him know you care in the comments section. Live results from the Showtime broadcast of “Overeem vs. Werdum” will be stacking up after the jump beginning at 10 p.m. ET; refresh the page every few minutes for all the latest.

(“Dudes, *tell* me you just saw that!” Props: Esther Lin/Strikeforce)

Add the Strikeforce Light-Heavyweight Championship to the list of MMA’s Great Curses. When Rafael “Feijao” Cavalcante fell victim to Dan Henderson‘s mythical “H-Bomb” right hand last night in Columbus, he became the fourth-consecutive Strikeforce LHW champ to lose the belt without making a single successful defense. (Quick refresher: Babalu Sobral lost it to Gegard Mousasi, who lost it to King Mo, who lost it to Feijao, who lost it Hendo.)

Time will tell if Dan Henderson suffers the same fate. In the meantime, the decorated vet’s arrival as champion helps bolster the 205′ers as a marquee division in Strikeforce. Besides Dan and all the former champions previously mentioned, SF’s light-heavyweight roster now includes guys like Roger Gracie, Mike Kyle, Rhadi Ferguson — tell Fedor Emelianenko to drop 20 pounds, and you’ve got the makings of another great World Grand Prix, especially if their heavyweight tournament continues to run into delays.

("Babalu, you old son of a bitch, I thought you were dead." "Maybe I was, Danny. Maybe I was." Photos courtesy of Esther Lin/Strikeforce.)
  
(From left to right: Mike Kyle squares off with Bigfoot Silva’s massive cranium, Kelli Hutcherson stands out in a crowd, and this is going to sound really strange, but does that photo of Lawler and Lindland remind anybody else of those optical illusion face-drawings that show a different person when you look at them upside-down?)

Headlined by a rematch ten years in the making, and featuring a solid supporting cast of knockout artists, Strikeforce: Henderson vs. Babalu could be the sleeper event of the year. The main card is about to kick off at the Scottrade Center in St. Louis, and CagePotato contributor Matt Kaplan will be liveblogging it as quickly as his little fingers will allow. Round-by-round updates from the Showtime broadcast can be found after the jump, beginning at 10 p.m. ET. Refresh the page every few minutes for all the latest, and share your own thoughts in the comments section.

(Focused and ready for battle, King Mo stares into his opponent’s eyes, desperately trying to remember who the hell this dude is. Photo courtesy of allelbows.com)

Two title fights in the light-heavyweight and middleweight divisions, a lightweight slugfest between KJ Noons and Jorge Gurgel, and Bobby Lashley‘s latest bit of record-padding, all brought to you by the world-famous City of Syrup. Let’s be real — if you’re not watching Strikeforce tonight, you’re a damn fool. Or, you don’t have Showtime. Or, you have better things to do. Speaking of which, your usual live-bloggers are occupied tonight, so respected CagePotato contributor Matt Kaplan will be filling in. Round-by-round updates can be found after the jump, beginning at 10 p.m. ET. Refresh the page for all the latest, and let your voices be heard in the comments section. 
 

(Props: mikeychch)

Click here for the Strikeforce: Fedor vs. Werdum play-by-play.

(Damn, what an unflattering picture of Werdum. It’s just one of those things where the camera catches you at the exact wrong moment, and you wind up making a strange expression that you’d never make again in a million–OH SHIT. / Photo courtesy of M-1Global.com.)

Look, we’re all still a little emotional from USA’s World Cup exit this afternoon, and the only cure is bloodshed. Luckily, Fedor Emeliananko returns to the Strikeforce cage tonight at the HP Pavilion in San Jose against Fabricio "Grappler’s Chance" Werdum, while Cris Cyborg will be tearing apart some random blonde woman. Plus, Scott Smith and Cung Le re-do their last fight for the hell of it, former lightweight champ Josh Thomson tries to rebound against Pat Healy, and an MMA legend might announce his retirement.

Round-by-round results from the "Fedor vs. Werdum" Showtime broadcast will be piling up after the jump beginning at 10 p.m. ET; refresh your browser every few minutes for all the latest. (The show is delayed on the West Coast, so beware of spoilers.) And yes, "Tucson" is misspelled on Fedor’s t-shirt in the above photo, but that’s what happens when you do all your shopping at consignment shops in Stary Oskol. Humble guy, this Last Emperor.

("You think you scare me, Whitemare? I bang Cris Cyborg. Voluntarily." Photo courtesy of the Strikeforce LA Live Weigh In Pics gallery on CombatLifestyle.com)

Q: Why are we watching a Strikeforce event on Showtime, in the middle of the damn week, ten days before a bigger Strikeforce event on Showtime?

A: Why the hell not?

The stakes are relatively low, but the matchups are promising. In the main event, Renato Sobral and Robbie Lawler slug it out in a moneyweight battle for a potential title shot down the road. Welterweights Evangelista "Cyborg" Santos and Marius "The Whitemare" Zaromskis meet in a guaranteed basher. Plus, Army Staff Sergeant Tim Kennedy defends his country’s honor against South African veteran Trevor Prangley, and KJ Noons returns to the cage against Conor Heun. Round-by-round results await you after the jump. Refresh the page every few minutes for all the latest, and let’s hope these fights end early so I can go to bed.

("You believe this guy? No towel between his head and hat. I will never understand some people as long as I live." Photo courtesy of the Strikeforce Weigh In Pics gallery on CombatLifestyle.com.)

A note before we get started: The CBS broadcast of tonight’s Strikeforce event may not be live in all areas, so please check your local listings before you run headlong into spoilerville. Now then, we’ve got a short but sweet lineup of fights in store for us, with three titles on the line: Strikeforce lightweight champion Gilbert Melendez defends his belt against invading DREAM champ Shinya Aoki, Muhammed "King Mo" Lawal attempts to steal the crown from reigning light-heavyweight ruler Gegard Mousasi, and middleweight champ Jake Shields faces off against PRIDE/UFC legend Dan Henderson in the biggest fight of his career. Live Strikeforce: Nashville results await you after the jump, beginning at 9 p.m. ET. Refresh the page every few minutes for round-by-round updates and the usual jokes about Frank Shamrock’s braces and Stephen Quadros’s clown-makeup. 

(And you thought the tats on the *front* of Mahe were insane? Photo courtesy of Esther Lin/Strikeforce.)

…are after the jump, for the benefit of all you crybabies.

(Best finish of the night: Luke Rockhold vs. Paul Bradley)

Takayo Hashi may have been touted as the second-best 135-pound female fighter in the world coming into her title fight against Sarah Kaufman at last night’s Strikeforce Challengers event in San Jose, but for most of the five-round contest she looked woefully outmatched. Kaufman’s superior standup ruled the night, as the undefeated Canadian — and new "welterweight" women’s champion of Strikeforce — dropped Hashi twice in the first round, and spent the rest of the fight chasing the Japanese grappling specialist around the cage, landing punches whenever she was in range.

Kaufman successfully avoided the occasional takedown and submission attempts from her opponent, and outside of a teep kick that found its mark on her face in the final frame, she made it through all 25 minutes relatively untouched. After the fight’s conclusion — a 50-45 decision on all three judges’ scorecards — Kaufman apologized to the fans for her inability to finish Hashi, and generously credited Hashi’s constant movement: "It was really hard to get a lot of clean shots on her consecutively,” Kaufman said. “I would have loved to have finished the fight, but I couldn’t have done any more than I did.”

("Nice flower-tattoo, cupcake. I just got a tattoo of the Virgin Mary being ripped apart by pitbulls, directly on my asshole." / Photo courtesy of Strikeforce. More pics are below, including one of an alarmingly fat Wes Sims.)

Tonight’s Strikeforce event at the BankAtlantic Center in Sunrise, Florida (aka "Miami") has such a fantastic mix of high-level MMA and can’t-look-away freak shows. On the top of the card you’ve got Nick Diaz battling for Strikeforce’s vacant welterweight title against head-kickin’ rising star Marius Zaromskis, while 145-pound lady-champ Cristiane "Cris Cyborg" Santos makes her first belt defense against Dutch submission artist Marloes Coenen. On the other end of the card, 47-year-old former football star Herschel Walker will kick off his cage-fighting career against Greg Nagy, while Wes Sims — who owns the physique of a 47-year-old — will do his best to avoid getting squashed by pro-wrestler Bobby Lashley. And somewhere in-between, Robbie "Brawler" Lawler and Melvin "Man-Hoof" Manhoef will launch leather at each other until one of them can no longer intelligently defend himself. If you’re not excited for this card, then you probably don’t use words like "excited" in general. Live results from the Showtime broadcast will be piling up after the jump, starting at 10 p.m. ET. Refresh the page every few minutes for all the latest.

Update: Dubus22 wins the t-shirt! Please send your name, address, and size to feedback@cagepotato.com.

(Pace yourself, Josh, this isn’t a posing competition. If it was, Lindland would have already taken Physique of the Night. Photo courtesy of Strikeforce.)

Cung Le returns from Hollywood, lightweight champ Josh Thomson tries to make it 2-0 against interim belt-holder Gilbert Melendez, Matt Lindland and Ronaldo "Jacare" Souza battle for middleweight contendership, and King Mo takes on another heavyweight for some reason — all in all, not a bad night for Strikeforce’s mid-level stars. Round-by-round results from the Showtime broadcast are after the jump; refresh the page every few minutes for all the latest.

(The two pictures above contain 246 differences. Can you find them all? Photo courtesy of Esther Lin / Strikeforce)

Ladies and gentlemen, it’s Fedor night in America. The Last Emperor show has come to the Chicagoland Area, and his dance partner for this evening will be lead-fisted work-doer Brett "The Grim" Rogers, who’s just itching for a chance to snatch that king spot. Also: MTV personality Jason "Mayhem" Miller fights Jake Shields for Strikeforce’s first middleweight title, large-skulled bruiser Antonio Silva squares off with grappling ace Fabricio Werdum, and Gegard Mousasi will toy with Rameau Thierry Sokoudjou for a while before damn near ending his life.

My name is BG, and I’ll be your guide for the evening. I’m currently chillin’ in the press pen at the Sears Centre, and I can already tell you that Fedor’s entrance music will be unbelievably Russian. Live results from the CBS broadcast can be found after the jump, beginning at 8 p.m. CT. Refresh the page every few minutes to get all the latest. Warning: The show may not be broadcast live in your area, so check your local listings before you go running headlong into spoilers.

(Del Rosario vs. Cash. Props: mixedmartialartvideos.com. More fights after the jump.)

From last night’s show at the SaveMart Center in Fresno, California…

MAIN CARD
- Billy Evangelista def. Jorge Gurgel via unanimous decision (30-27 x 2, 29-28)
- Shane del Rosario def. Brandon Cash via submission (omoplata), 2:57 of round 1
- Luke Rockhold def. Jesse Taylor via submission (rear-naked choke), 3:42 of round 1
- Merrit Warren def. Ousmane Thomas Diagne via submission (heel hook), 3:49 of round 1
- Zoila Frausto def. Elisha Helsper via unanimous decision (30-27 x 3)

PRELIMINARY CARD
- Ben Holscher def. Johnny Goh via unanimous decision (30-27 x 3)
- Casey Olson def. Chris Culley via TKO, 2:32 of round 1
- Cole Escovedo def. Maurice Eazel via TKO, 1:47 of round 1
- Rico Altamirano def. Alex Trevino via unanimous decision (30-27 x 3)

That sound you heard during the final few seconds of the first round in Strikeforce’s first female main event fight was Gina Carano’s skull changing shape under the pressure of repeated blows from Brazilian powerhouse Cris “Cyborg” Santos.  She overwhelmed Carano with her strength from the opening moments on the bout and, despite two completely failed takedown attempts that succeeded only in pulling Carano on top of her, she managed to keep things mostly on the feet where she had a clear advantage. 

After hurting Carano several times with some big bombs, she really poured it on in the last ten seconds of the first round after passing Carano’s half-guard.  As Gina lay curled up in tight little ball against the fence waiting for it to be over, Santos unleashed a vicious flurry of unanswered right hands.  Stopping the fight at that point was clearly the right decision, as Carano was far from being able to ask referee Josh Rosenthal what the fuck his problem was.

Afterwards Scott Coker did his best to pretend that he was just fine with Cyborg winning, suggesting there were plenty of promotional opportunities for her, such as telling women’s magazines about her workout plan.  Because doesn’t every woman want to look like Cyborg Santos?

Meanwhile, the other women in the hunt are calling ‘next’ on both Santos and Carano, with Golden Glory fighter Marloes Coenen saying she’ll get the first shot at the new champ, maybe by the end of the year.

In other action on the night…
 

("Hey, I’m Gina!" 
"I am the one known as ‘Cyborg’."
"Look, whatever happens tonight, I just want you to know that I have tons of respect for you, and I feel honored to be fighting you."
"I want to kill you so bad, my dick’s hard."
Photo courtesy of this set on CombatLifestyle.)

So who wants to witness some history in the making? Tonight, the curse is lifted, and the most significant women’s MMA fight of all time will take place. (Before that, there will be some men’s MMA matches of varying importance.) Strikeforce: Carano vs. Cyborg results await you after the jump. Refresh the page every few minutes for round-by-round updates and occasional digressions. Warning: The Showtime broadcast is delayed on the west coast, so check your local listings, and if you’re not getting it live, maybe stay away from the comments section for a while, lest you be spoiled.

(Villasenor puts on a brief left hook clinic. Photo courtesy of Strikeforce.)

Despite getting his leg tenderized with kicks for much of the fight, “Smokin” Joey Villasenor took a split decision victory over Evangelista “Cyborg” Santos in the main event of last night’s Strikeforce Challengers event in Kent, Washington.  Then he did what every Strikeforce middleweight is practically obliged to do: call out Cung Le.

In what was somewhat surprisingly the most exciting fight on the televised card, Jorge Gurgel and Connor Heun slugged it out almost entirely on the feet for three rounds.  Gurgel’s face may have looked like a poorly executed attempt at a jack-o-lantern after the fight, but he won the unanimous decision victory and afterward praised Heun’s toughness and impressive chin.  Full results are after the jump.