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Suggestion Box: New Jobs for Fired Fighters

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(Don’t give him any money. You know he’ll just spend it on N.O.-Xplode. Photo courtesy of Myron Watkins.)

By CagePotato contributor Jason Moles

This week, our nation’s attention has been captured by redneck birds and the Golden Voice Hobo, only one of which has a happy ending. (No, not that kind…the other kind. Yes, there is another kind.) The rags-to-riches-to-rags-and-back-to-riches tale of fortune for Ted Williams is the polar opposite of that of many fighters lately. In the last two weeks, Zuffa has cut six fighters and suspended one more. The economy is still in the can and homeboys gotta eat, so if Strikeforce or Bellator don’t come calling soon, this is where you’re going to see ‘The Expendables’ next:

Brandon "The Truth" Vera: Some believe the number 13 to be unlucky, and for Vera it was. After exactly that many fights in the Octagon, his days in the spotlight are over. From now on he’ll be slinging dinuguan [Ed. note: Eww.] with a side of balut  [Ed. note: *barfs*] at his aunt and uncle’s restaurant, Manila Good-Ha, in L.A.’s Koreatown. It’s a match made in heaven for Vera because he’ll never have to worry about getting punched in the nose again — that is, unless he back-talks his wife Kerry. He’s just gotta make sure Jon Jones’s order is just how he likes it.

Marcus "The Irish Hand Grenade" DavisThe former TUF 2 contestant will grow out his hair and learn how to drop flying-elbows off the top turnbuckle. Davis will join forces with Samoa Joe, the man he trained back in 2008, to form the world’s most obscure tag-team since The Oddities. At some point Marc Mero, also a former boxer, will come out of retirement to challenge The Irish Hand Grenade to a Caribbean Strap Match for bragging rights as the best ‘real’ fighter in TNA. Dan Hardy will interfere and cost him the match leaving him to reconsider life in some barn with his ex-Army sniper friend.

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