(Only in a freakshow match like this would you hear an audience member ask “What’s he waiting for?” after approximately 4 seconds of fighting.) 

Yesterday, the world was introduced to a man by the name of Nick Capes (which based on his fighting style, we can only assume is a pseudonym for Greg “Ranger” Stott), a hapless marshmallow of a man who somehow found himself in a boxing match against former Atlanta Falcons defensive end Ray Edwards. The results were hilarious, not in the Mark Kerr vs. Ranger Stott kind of way, but in the Dan Severn vs. Shannon Ritch kind of way. Capes flopped is what we’re saying. He flopped hard. Capes flopped so hard, in fact, that he has since been indefinitely suspended from boxing in North Dakota, which should give him plenty of time to continue pushing the fighting style of RIP on methed out tweekers near and far. As TwinCities.com reports:

Combative Sports Commissioner Al Jaeger says a video review of the fight between Nicholas Capes and a much larger Ray Edwards clearly shows Capes was not hit before he dropped to the canvas. Officials are continuing to investigate.

By “continuing to investigate,” we assume they mean “emailing this video to their entire contacts list with a subject line reading Re: Fatty takes a tumble LOLZ.“

(Volkmann got Obama’ed on The Tonight Show)

Jacob Volkmann will likely think twice next time about cracking a joke about wanting to ground and pound the Commander in Chief of the United States.

The UFC lightweight, who made headlines when the Secret Service paid him a visit to question him about post-UFC 125 comments he made about wanting to go a few rounds with President Barack Obama so he could show him what he thought of his healthcare policy.

It now appears that the tongue-in-cheek soundbite he fed Ariel Helwani got him more than just a spot on The Tonight Show and Fox Business News. 

Volkmann was informed this week that he has been temporarily suspended with pay from his assistant wrestling coach position he has held for the past several years at White Bear Lake Area High School, pending an investigation of his remarks about Obama by the school administrators.

The 30-year-old Minnesota chiropractor who owns his own practice also serves as the volunteer head coach of the town’s elementary school wrestling team, but was told that his non-paid coaching position was not at risk.