t-shirts

("Listen bro, you rough up your girlfriend or one of your multiple wives, that's your business. But when you assault a grandfather clock, somebody has to go to jail.")

Hey, who wants a CagePotato t-shirt? Oh yeah? So buy one you cheap bastard. (For one thing, they're great for hiding your gynecomastia.) Here are the witty commenters who will be getting their shirts for free:

The irish car bomb on "War Machine: 'F*ck an Obama'":
w washed up
a ass hole
r retarded mother fucker

m mentally ill (expects sympathy hahaha)
a arguably gay
c cant hold back a full face of tears on every occasion he gets
h he acts like a little bitch
i i dont even know why he gets this much attention hes such a loser
n never going to fight in any company worth mentioning ever again
e evan tanner is one of the most respectable people in mma history so go home
and cry yourself to sleep little johnny
[Ed. note: MY GOD THIS ACROSTIC]

agentsmith on "Gambling Addiction Enabler: Affliction's Day of Reckoning": The nostrils truly are the windows to the soul

Jugger on "Monson Update: Ex-Girlfriend to Turn in More Graffiti Pictures to Authorities": Check it out! Steph just updated her facebook status:
"I was going to rat on Monson for cheating on me and two other women, but some creepy stalker named 'Crap Factory' explained to me how wrong I am for answering the Cop's questions about my ex's past exploits. I've decided to forgive him for wasting a year of my life, lying to me, possibly giving me an STD, getting violent with me, and basically kicking me in vag while I was down. Thanks Crap Factory! You are my new moral compass!"

If your name has been called, please e-mail feedback@cagepotato.com with your real name, address, and size, and we'll have a shirt out to you in 6-8 months. 

(Shhh, Kyra's sleeping.)

OMFGLOL, you guys...

shitwhistle on 'Gambling Addiction Enabler: UFC 93': I saw that pic on hotchickswithdouchebags.com 
[Ed. note: Why don't you have a seat over there...]

Clyde on 'Kyra Gracie in VIP Magazine': Just remember if she's on top of you, don't reach for the boobs. You're just asking to get armbarred.
[Ed. note: See, isn't that better than the endless "triangle choke" gags?]

'Whistle and Clyde, please send your names, addresses and shirt-sizes to feedback@cagepotato.com, and we'll mail you a "Hall of Fame" tee at our earliest convenience. Keep rockin' the comments, everybody — they bring joy to our lives.

(UFC 97: Big Building vs. Lightning Bolt. Tickets now available at ConvolutedMetaphor.com.)

Hey, sorry we haven't done t-shirt giveaways in a few weeks — that's on us, player. But there's been a lot of commenter brilliance happening lately, so let's do this...

Lysol on "Rampage Pleads Guilty to Reckless Driving...": I want to see two guest lectures in the near future: The Importance of Sleep, Nutrition, and Exercise by Rampage Jackson and Black Belt Jiu Jitsu Grappling by Tank Abbott.

??? on "Kimbo Slice Has a 'Boxing Machine'":
http://i713.photobucket.com/albums/ww133/CrushCo/Kimbo.jpg
[Ed. note: This comment somehow disappeared from the post, so we don't know who sent it in or what the exact setup was, but it was something along the lines of "Check out the prize I got from playing this game," and it was kind of amazing.]

John Kimble on "This Just In: MMA Is Finished, XARM to Take Over": Lyoto Machida and Kalib Starnes would be awful at this.

And finally, this idiot-savant-like exchange on our current poll:

If you happen to be any of these people (except for the multiple Anonymouses, because if you can't come up with a clever screen-name, you're ineligible to win) and you want a CagePotato "Hall of Fame" t-shirt, send your name, size, and address to feedback@cagepotato.com. And have a great day!

(Photo courtesy of HotChicksWithDouchebags.com.)

It's a problem that affects so many Americans: You want to publicly proclaim your love of MMA, but when you wear Affliction and TapouT shirts to the bar, people automatically assume you're an unbearable douchetard. It's unfair, is what it is. We suggest checking out the following up-and-coming MMA apparel brands — rock this stuff and you'll feel more "ahead of the curve" than "late to the party."

ETERNAL UNLIMITED
The Lowdown: Repped by a horde of West Coast fighters like Nick Diaz, Nate Diaz, Jake Shields, Gilbert Melendez, and Joe Stevenson, Eternal launched a year ago with the goal of bringing street fashion and hip-hop influences to the MMA apparel scene. Their website features a "Technique of the Week" section, where EU's sponsored fighters teach everything from guard-sweeps to keylocks.
CP Approved: The King (above) and the Shark, because predators are kickass!

SIX DEUCE GEAR
The Lowdown: Straight outta Ames, Iowa, Six Deuce has been putting out quirky fight-sport-themed apparel since late 2005. If you're reading this site, you probably don't mind a little humor mixed in with your MMA, which means the Deuce could be right up your alley.
CP Approved: The Japanophilic Fate shirt (above), as well as the Joe Rogan-friendly Rolling Stoned and the men's room-influenced Bye Bye Head.

The big question we've been waiting to hear an answer to this week is, what of Affliction's pay-per-view numbers? VP Tom Atencio claimed they did "well over" 100,000 buys. He also said, in the post-fight press conference, that he'd be releasing the numbers on Thursday or Friday of this week. And yet, so far nothing official. Subscribers to Dave Meltzer's "Wrestling Observer" relayed the following tidbit from the latest issue via the Sherdog forums:

"As far as the numbers went, the big number everyone is looking for is the Affliction PPV number. Based on independent estimates we’ve heard, the number has been estimated at between 50,000 and 85,000 buys. Atencio claimed the number as being higher, saying it topped 100,000, although at press time, any numbers could only be considered rough estimates. Atencio told us that since UFC doesn’t release numbers, he’s not going to either (I know, after saying it was more than 100,000). Keep in mind that Pride claimed 150,000 buys for its first U.S. PPV in 2006, and the real number ended up being 40,000 (we know that because Nevada taxes on PPV revenue so you can get a real number; California does not so getting real numbers will be more difficult)."

"Independent estimates" is a vague phrase to begin with, but with all this speculation floating around the only way for Affliction to silence it is to release the numbers. If they don't, we'll have to assume that they probably didn't hit that golden number of 100,000 buys as Atencio claimed.

It's a big week for Affliction and dubious numbers. Next you're going to tell me that the Tim Sylvia Signature Series Affliction t-shirt doesn't really cost $58. No, that one checks out actually. At least there are some things you can still depend on.