11 Famous Actors and Their Embarrassing Early Film Roles

Tag: Tank Abbott

21 Times the UFC Proved They Cared More About Entertainment Than Sport


(#22: Building doors out of wet cardboard for dramatic effect.)

The UFC is not a sports organization. They’re an entertainment company that dabbles in athletic competition. Here’s the proof:

1. Firing Jake Shields.

2. Firing Yushin Okami.

3. Firing Jon Fitch.

4. Not firing Dan Hardy (“I like guys who WAR“)

5. Giving Chael Sonnen a title shot coming off a loss.

6. Giving Nick Diaz a title shot coming off a loss.

7. Bringing a 1-0 Brock Lesnar into the UFC.

8. James Toney.

9. Signing Sean Gannon after he beat Kimbo Slice via exhaustion in an illegal bare-knuckle street fight.

10. Putting Kimbo Slice on a main card after he went 0-1 in the TUF House.

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MMA Fighters Transitioning to Pro-Wrestling: The Good, The Bad, And The Ugly


(Let me guess, it’ll sound something like “Tito Ortiz, The Huntington Bad Beach Boy: Future NTA world TNA heavyweight champion of the world.” Capture via ProWresBlog.Blogspot.Com.)

For some MMA fighters, professional wrestling was just a one-time cash grab. For others, it became a second career. Inspired by yet another week of TNA Impact Wrestling’s efforts to get anyone to care about the professional wrestling experiments of two broken-down MMA legends, we’ll be examining fighters who took up professional wrestling after they made their names in MMA in our newest installment of The Good, The Bad, And The Ugly.

Bear in mind that this article is focusing on mixed martial artists who transitioned to professional wrestling careers, and not fighters who started off as professional wrestlers. So that means fighters like Brock Lesnar, Ken Shamrock, Bobby Lashley, Giant Silva, Bob Sapp, Dos Caras Jr. (aka Alberto Del Rio), Dan Severn (Google it) and Sakuraba will not be covered here — although a few of these men will make appearances in this article. Let’s start off on a positive note…

The Good

The Professional Wrestling Career of Josh Barnett.

When you’re thinking of good instances of an MMA fighter turning to professional wrestling as a second career choice, Josh Barnett should immediately come to mind. There have been other fighters who dabbled in professional wrestling, but Barnett is one of the only ones to be just as popular and successful in it as he was in MMA.

Before his transition, Barnett became the youngest heavyweight champion in UFC history by defeating Randy Couture at UFC 36. After being stripped of his title due to a positive drug test, Barnett set his sights on the Japanese professional wrestling scene, where the fans value legitimacy and toughness from their wrestlers more than mic skills and charisma (although Barnett has both in spades). He immediately challenged for the IWGP Heavyweight Championship, and although he came up short, he went on to enjoy the most relevant crossover career of any fighter on this list before his return to the UFC earlier this year put a halt to the wrasslin’ for the time being.

It’d be easy to call his work with the incredibly underrated Perry Saturn or the technical wrestling clinic that he put on against Hideki Suzuki his most impressive stuff, but it’s probably not. Honest to God, Barnett’s biggest accomplishment may be the fact that he managed to pull Bob Sapp — who has the same cardio and technique in wrestling as he does in MMA — through a watchable match. How many people can claim that?

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MMA Bracketology: Re-Imagining the UFC 2, UFC 3, And UFC 6 Tournaments


(And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why history must be re-written.)

By Matt Saccaro

Tournaments seem like a great way to determine the best competitor from a group of athletes. You have 8 (or 16 or 32 or whatever the number) fighters, put them in a bracket, and then let them fight it out. The last dude standing clearly must be the best because he survived the tournament, right?

At first, that logic seems OK. But upon closer scrutiny, it starts to sound like something Master Shake would try to argue.

Tournaments — like the ones the UFC used to run — are heavily dependent on how the bracket is organized. Some fighters get an easy run, others get a gauntlet.

This got us at Cage Potato thinking: What if some of the early UFC tournament brackets were re-organized or even shuffled just a little bit? Who would end up becoming the “Ultimate Fighters” of the 1990s? Let’s find out!

UFC 2

UFC 2 was the first and only 16-man tournament run by the UFC. The first round of the tournament — save for Royce Gracie’s fight (of course)—didn’t air on the PPV and aren’t on the DVD either.  These “lost fights” from UFC 2 have quite a few interesting characters such as the enigmatic Pencak Silat master Alberto Cerro Leon and the chubby, sweatpants-clad Robert Lucarelli.

Look at the complete bracket and see how many names you recognize. Most of these guys from the UFC 2 dark matches had no chance in the tournament, save for a man named Freek (or Frank) Hamaker.  We’re going to stick with Freek because it rhymes with Reek. A fighter like Hamaker was a rarity in the early days. He wasn’t a hapless striker fated to be embarrassed.  He was a sambo practitioner who trained under legendary European grappler Chris Dolman.

Hamaker’s first (and only) fight was at UFC 2 against the mysterious San Soo Kung Fu man Thaddeus Luster. The fight went like the typical early UFC fight. The guy with grappling immediately took down the guy without grappling and won shortly afterwards. Hamaker withdrew from the tournament after defeating Luster and disappeared to the pornography theater from whence he came.

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Classic Fight: Vitor Belfort Encounters a Whale in Tights at UFC 12 and Somehow Lives to Tell the Tale


(Stupid Things MMA Fans Used to Believe #26: THIS will be a competitive match up.)

Although he’s getting more press for his TRT usage than he is for his actual octagon performances nowadays, there was a time when Vitor Belfort was just a fresh-faced Brazilian assassin who was quite literally trimming the fat from the UFC’s heavyweight division. That time was 1997, and there was perhaps no greater a display of Vitor’s ability to crush hopelessly outmatched and overweight opponents than his UFC 12 thrashing of Scott Ferrozzo. Thankfully, UFC.com has made the fight temporarily available to the public, presumably so we can gain some perspective on what a true squash match looks like and be happy with the fights we’re given.

As hilarious as it is depressing, join us after the jump as we take a look back at just what constituted a UFC tournament final. You will laugh, you will cry, you will declare that you’re getting too old for this shit.

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27 Signs You’ve Been an MMA Fan Too Long


(Image via FAIL Blog, obviously.)

By the CagePotato.com Staff

You know you’re a true MMA fan when it starts to negatively affect your work, health, and personal relationships. Check out our latest list below, and let us know which ones apply to you. Props to Buzzfeed for the inspiration.

1. You roll your wrists while blasting “Sandstorm” before every job interview.

2. Kimbo Slice is your favorite professional boxer and Tank Abbott is your favorite author.

3. You used to drive 25 miles to the nearest video store that carried bootlegged copies of King of the Cage events. Now, you complain because there are too many free UFC events on cable.

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Poster of the Day: Tank Abbott Returns on 4/13 With KOTC Superfight Title Match Against Warpath Villareal


(Let’s all have a moment of silence for the career of Trevor Prangley. / Props: King of the Cage via MiddleEasy)

Before Tank Abbott re-enters the UFC and takes the heavyweight strap back from these pussy-ass point-fighters, his latest comeback will begin with a tune-up fight against guyliner-clad palooka Ruben “Warpath” Villareal, who has lost eight of his last ten fights. The match will go down April 13th at King of the Cage: Fighting Legends, at Gold Country Casino in Oroville, California.

According to a KOTC press release published last week, Tank Abbott is “the world’s most famous cage fighter” (!!!), and his fight against Warpath will be for the King of the Cage Superfight title, whatever the hell that means. And of course, Abbott’s second-career as a novelist also gets a plug:

[Abbott] recently took a few years off to write a 300,000 word trilogy about the origins of cage fighting entitled “Befor There Were Rules” with the first novel, “Bar Brawler”, now available for purchase as a paperback or digital download from Amazon.com.”

I think it’s really cool of KOTC to keep the misspelling of “Befor,” so as not to embarrass or confuse Tank. Anyway, there’s a little video profile on Tank after the jump hyping the 4/13 fight. Check it out if you want, but just keep in mind that his fascinating toupee is still in hiding.

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[VIDEO] A Toupee-less Tank Abbott Crawls Out From Under His Bridge and Declares Return to MMA

“A true warrior never puts down his sword and I love to do it. It’s as simple as that. I never left.”

Those were the words spoken by MMA pioneer and schnauzer-impersonator Tank Abbott yesterday when he announced his return to the sport of MMA after a three year absence. Yes, despite dropping 8 of his last 10 contests by first round stoppage and venturing into the bizarre worlds of celebrity boxing and backyard wrestling in his spare time, the 47 year-old Abbott is giving this MMA thing another try. We guarantee this judgement call has nothing to do with the fact that he just spent the last of the money he made for the Kimbo Slice fight on a bottle of Fleischmann’s that is now empty.

Even more shocking than Abbott’s decision to knock ten more years off his life was his decision to ditch the gorgeous hairpiece/Santa beard combination that we last saw him donning. The interviewer in the above video also noticed this, and showed a shocking lack of awareness when asking Tank why he decided to shave it off, as if it was ever real hair to begin with. “I don’t need long hair when I’m training,” Tank calmly replied, also bewildered that his bird’s nest could have possibly fooled someone that wasn’t legally blind.

After the jump: A full video of Tank’s last performance, in which he clubbed the back of Mike Bourke’s skull like a baby seal at the same event that saw Ken Shamrock defeat a now-deceased, morbidly obese white dude with cornrows before testing positive for steroids. Simpler times, simpler times.

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Literary Sensation Alert: Tank Abbott’s ‘Bar Brawler’ Is the Greatest Debut Novel Ever Published by a Former UFC Fighter


(Actual un-spellchecked book cover, via Amazon.)

Gunslinger of the bars, where a duel was a fist-fight without weapons or you backed down by calling the bouncers. It was just kicking ass or getting your ass kicked. The gunslinger didn’t care if he won or lost, but only about his personal integrity and being satisfied when he woke up in the morning that he had delivered justice to a deserving cockroach.”

Those are the first lines from the prologue of Bar Brawler, a 306-page semi-autobiographical novel by personal CP hero David “Tank” Abbott. We first heard about this writing project way back in January 2008, when Tank casually mentioned it during an EliteXC press conference before his fight against Kimbo Slice. Bar Brawler was finally published this June, but it flew under our radars until yesterday, when this Sherdog article revealed that the book did in fact exist, and that it’s actually the first in an already-completed trilogy.

So believe it or not, Tank Abbott is already the most prolific novelist in UFC history. But is the book any good? We’ll get to that in a minute. First, here’s the description from Bar Brawler’s Amazon page, which doesn’t inspire much confidence in the quality of the work:

Walter Foxx, Happening* Beach, California’s most feared bar brawler, works at Sea Lion Beach Liquor at night, attends Wong Beach State College in the day, and dishes out street justice in his spare time to the scumbags, posers, wannabes, and bullies of the world who violate his personal code of honor. Driving a 1987 Chevy Sprint with his faithful pit bull Adolf** riding shotgun, Walter and his twisted crew of Poppa Chulo, Rolando, Big Cal, and Gonzo hold court at the Dead Grunion bar where they take on all comers…

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Tank Abbott Is the Proud Owner of the World’s Worst Toupee [VIDEO]


(Props: Aaron Tru/MMAPrime via MiddleEasy)

Okay. What in the actual fuck is going on on top of Tank Abbott‘s head in this video? And why does Aaron Tru spend a full six-minutes with the man without even mentioning it? We’re supposed to let this Peter Brady-looking monstrosity slide, just because Tank is an old badass who used to mock his opponents’ seizures during the Clinton administration?

Instead of hearing Tank’s opinions about Tito Ortiz, or what he thinks of modern MMA compared to old-school NHB — talk about pitching one down the middle, by the way — here’s what I’d like to know: Is the hair for a movie role or something? And how many nutria had to die in order to sew it together?

And as a final insult, Tru doesn’t even get beat up or drink bodily fluids at the end of the segment. Damn, dude…what’s the point?

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Classic Fight: The Old Vitor Belfort Destroys Tank Abbott at UFC 13


(Phenom vs. Tank, 5/30/97. Props: UFCVitorVBelfort)

In their continuing efforts to convince you that Vitor Belfort has at least a puncher’s chance against Jon Jones at UFC 152, the UFC has just made the Vitor Belfort vs. Tank Abbott fight from UFC 13 available on YouTube. Just 20 years old at the time, Belfort had made his Octagon debut three months prior at UFC 12, winning the four-man heavyweight bracket in a combined fight time of two minutes. Belfort’s subsequent “superfight” against Abbott — still a somewhat legitimate competitor back then — turned out to be another blitzkrieg. In just 52 seconds, it was all over.

But even more so than the overwhelming striking performance from the Phenom, I think my favorite part of this video is 3:30-3:41, where Belfort calls out for his beloved trainer “Stankie,” and we get a glimpse at a younger (but still pretty old) Al Stankiewicz. Then, we see that Stankie’s hands are wrapped as if he was going to fight that night. Classic.

In a related story, betting odds for Jones vs. Belfort have calmed down somewhat, and the champ is being offered as low as -740. You can also turn $100 into $12,000 if you bet that the fight will be a draw, and the fight actually turns out to be a draw. I’m just saying. What were going to do with that $100 anyway, you know?

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