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Tag: Tank Abbott

Literary Sensation Alert: Tank Abbott’s ‘Bar Brawler’ Is the Greatest Debut Novel Ever Published by a Former UFC Fighter


(Actual un-spellchecked book cover, via Amazon.)

Gunslinger of the bars, where a duel was a fist-fight without weapons or you backed down by calling the bouncers. It was just kicking ass or getting your ass kicked. The gunslinger didn’t care if he won or lost, but only about his personal integrity and being satisfied when he woke up in the morning that he had delivered justice to a deserving cockroach.”

Those are the first lines from the prologue of Bar Brawler, a 306-page semi-autobiographical novel by personal CP hero David “Tank” Abbott. We first heard about this writing project way back in January 2008, when Tank casually mentioned it during an EliteXC press conference before his fight against Kimbo Slice. Bar Brawler was finally published this June, but it flew under our radars until yesterday, when this Sherdog article revealed that the book did in fact exist, and that it’s actually the first in an already-completed trilogy.

So believe it or not, Tank Abbott is already the most prolific novelist in UFC history. But is the book any good? We’ll get to that in a minute. First, here’s the description from Bar Brawler’s Amazon page, which doesn’t inspire much confidence in the quality of the work:

Walter Foxx, Happening* Beach, California’s most feared bar brawler, works at Sea Lion Beach Liquor at night, attends Wong Beach State College in the day, and dishes out street justice in his spare time to the scumbags, posers, wannabes, and bullies of the world who violate his personal code of honor. Driving a 1987 Chevy Sprint with his faithful pit bull Adolf** riding shotgun, Walter and his twisted crew of Poppa Chulo, Rolando, Big Cal, and Gonzo hold court at the Dead Grunion bar where they take on all comers…

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Tank Abbott Is the Proud Owner of the World’s Worst Toupee [VIDEO]


(Props: Aaron Tru/MMAPrime via MiddleEasy)

Okay. What in the actual fuck is going on on top of Tank Abbott‘s head in this video? And why does Aaron Tru spend a full six-minutes with the man without even mentioning it? We’re supposed to let this Peter Brady-looking monstrosity slide, just because Tank is an old badass who used to mock his opponents’ seizures during the Clinton administration?

Instead of hearing Tank’s opinions about Tito Ortiz, or what he thinks of modern MMA compared to old-school NHB — talk about pitching one down the middle, by the way — here’s what I’d like to know: Is the hair for a movie role or something? And how many nutria had to die in order to sew it together?

And as a final insult, Tru doesn’t even get beat up or drink bodily fluids at the end of the segment. Damn, dude…what’s the point?

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Classic Fight: The Old Vitor Belfort Destroys Tank Abbott at UFC 13


(Phenom vs. Tank, 5/30/97. Props: UFCVitorVBelfort)

In their continuing efforts to convince you that Vitor Belfort has at least a puncher’s chance against Jon Jones at UFC 152, the UFC has just made the Vitor Belfort vs. Tank Abbott fight from UFC 13 available on YouTube. Just 20 years old at the time, Belfort had made his Octagon debut three months prior at UFC 12, winning the four-man heavyweight bracket in a combined fight time of two minutes. Belfort’s subsequent “superfight” against Abbott — still a somewhat legitimate competitor back then — turned out to be another blitzkrieg. In just 52 seconds, it was all over.

But even more so than the overwhelming striking performance from the Phenom, I think my favorite part of this video is 3:30-3:41, where Belfort calls out for his beloved trainer “Stankie,” and we get a glimpse at a younger (but still pretty old) Al Stankiewicz. Then, we see that Stankie’s hands are wrapped as if he was going to fight that night. Classic.

In a related story, betting odds for Jones vs. Belfort have calmed down somewhat, and the champ is being offered as low as -740. You can also turn $100 into $12,000 if you bet that the fight will be a draw, and the fight actually turns out to be a draw. I’m just saying. What were going to do with that $100 anyway, you know?

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Cheesy WWF Promo Photos of the ’80s/’90s, And Their MMA Counterparts [GALLERY]

Our friends at With Leather just put together an incredible/awful collection of cheesy WWF promo photos from the late ’80s and early ’90s, and as we were browsing through some of these gems while drinking our coffee this morning, we couldn’t escape the eerie feeling that we’ve seen these faces elsewhere. The same snarling mugs, the same wacky personas — it’s obvious that some of our favorite MMA fighters owe a debt to these guys. So follow us back to pro wrestling‘s golden age, and allow us to make some startling comparisons.

Jim “The Anvil” Neidhart was the original…
Hillbilly Jim was the original…
Legion of Doom were the original…
Junk Yard Dog was the original…
Ultimate Warrior was the original…
The Honky Tonk Man was the original…
Tatanka was the original…
Big Boss Man was the original…
George “The Animal” Steele was the original…

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CagePotato Roundtable #3: Who’s Your Favorite Fighter to Never Win a Major Title?


(In the heart of the child who made it, the Super HLUK belt is the most prestigious title on the planet.)

CagePotato Roundtable is our new recurring column in which the CP writing staff and some of our friends all get together to debate an MMA-related topic. Joining us this week is MiddleEasy.com founder Zeus Tipado, who was kind enough to smoke an entire bag of PCP and channel the spirit of Wallid Ismail. If you have a suggestion for a future Roundtable column, send it to tips@cagepotato.comThis week’s topic: Who’s your favorite MMA fighter to never win a major title?

Ben Goldstein

We take personality for granted these days. Everywhere you look, the MMA ranks are packed with shameless self-promoters, aspiring comedians, unrepentant assholes, and assorted clown-men. But in the UFC’s infancy, fighters tended to come in two types: Stoic (see Royce Gracie, Dan Severn) and certifiably insane ( see Joe Son, Harold Howard). David “Tank” Abbott changed all that. He entered the UFC with a fully-fledged persona, and managed to stay in character through his entire career. Simply put, he was the UFC’s first villain, and he played that role more effectively than anyone has since.

Heralded as a “pit fighter” — a term invented by UFC promoter Art Davie — Tank’s martial art of choice was hitting guys in the head really hard, which he did while wearing the sort of fingerless gloves that soon become industry standard. It’s difficult to overstate the impact that Tank’s debut at UFC 6 had on a 14-year-old Ben Goldstein as I was watching the pay-per-view at my friend Josh’s house. It wasn’t just that Abbott starched John Matua in a mere 18 seconds, or that Matua’s body seized up when his head hit the canvas. It’s that Tank reacted to the knockout by mimic-ing Matua’s stiffened pose. Tank actually mocked John Matua for having a seizure. Ruthless! And how about his destruction of Steve Nelmark at the Ultimate Ultimate ’96, which had to be the first “oh shit is that guy dead?” moment in UFC history. Tank was a living reminder that the UFC was very real, and very dangerous.

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Check Out the Excellent Trailer for “History of MMA” Right F**king Now

Directed by Bobby Razak, whom you may know as the man behind the amazing Tapout short film, The Future of MMA (that video is after the jump), The History of MMA takes a nostalgic look back at the highs and lows of the sport we love oh so much, and includes commentary from several legends of the sport, including Bas Rutten, Frank Shamrock, Mark Coleman, and referee Big John McCarthy among others. And as luck would have it, Mr. Razak decided to drop the trailer yesterday. We would advise that you check it out.

As you can see, the film touches on many of MMA’s most infamous moments; John McCain’s labeling of the sport as “human cockfighting,” its evolution through Pancrase, and the moment Tito Ortiz decided he had what it took to roc da mic right, yeah. On a side note, we bet Tank Abbott is gonna be pissed when he finds out that his name and photo appear whilst Bas Rutten describes how the UFC used to bring in “big guys with no skill.”

Who are we kidding? Abbott sold his computer for Jim Beam years ago.

Anyway, join us after the jump to check out The Future of MMA, as well as an up close and personal excerpt from The History of MMA featuring Fred Ettish, a fighter whom, after getting obliterated in his only professional mixed martial arts contest at UFC 2, came back to claim his first win in 2009. At age 53.

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Knockout of the Day: Jim Wallhead Smokes Joey Villasenor at Bamma 8


(Props to HDNetFights for the vid. Fight starts at the 4:20 mark.) 

I’m going to come right out and say it; Jim Wallhead may be the pound-for-pound scariest looking dude in mixed martial arts today. Say what you want about Keith Jardine, Tank Abbott, or even Ruben “Nightwolf” Villareal (lolz!), but none of them hold a candle to Wallhead, who looks like the bastard love child of General Vogel and Flea from the Red Hot Chili Peppers. All the more terrifying is the fact that Wallhead actually has the skills to back up his grizzled demeanor. Currently 9-1 in his past ten fights, including wins over Frank Trigg, Che Mills, and Ryan Thomas, Wallhead’s career furthers the theory that anyone nicknamed “Judo” is one bad mofo who should not be tested.

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Fight of the Day: 73-Year-Old Former CFL Players Throw Down at Alumni Luncheon


(Video courtesy of YouTube/blackknight101066)

You would assume that a much-heated football rivalry from nearly 50 years ago would have fizzled by now, but apparently old habits die hard.

During a luncheon Friday for the Canadian Football League alumni in Vancouver, BC, former BC Lions’ quarterback Joe Kapp and former Hamilton Tiger-Cats’ defensive tackle Angelo Mosca proved that there was no love lost between them when the 73 year olds came to blows on the dais.

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“Ask Dan” #3: The One Where Severn Spits Blood Into His Opponent’s Face

Dan Severn funny MMA UFC photos
(“Nice hipster glasses, buddy! Let’s see what they look like…SUPLEXED!!!!” Photo via Dan’s Facebook page.)

In this week’s installment of his mailbag column for CagePotato.com, UFC Hall of Famer Dan Severn discusses a memorably bloody Vale Tudo match, the greatest night of his career, and the technique that he wants to see banned from the sport.

DARKHORSE06 asks: What is the worst injury you ever received?

The worst injury I’ve ever received in my career has probably been a cut. One time I was competing in Brazil back in the No Holds Barred days — known as Vale Tudo in Brazil — and my opponent hit me with a big overhand right that split open my top lip. When I grabbed hold of him to try and shake some of the cobwebs out of my head I noticed he was covered in baby oil so I couldn’t get him down.

In the clinch, my opponent threw a knee up that hit me in the mouth and split my bottom lip open. Somehow he was able to get me into the corner and I couldn’t really see as he started trying to attack me with knees, stomps and other techniques of that nature. I was trying to think of some way out when suddenly it dawned on me to suck the blood off my face and into my mouth. Once it was in my mouth, I would basically just spit the blood into my opponent’s face because it was not against the rules. As my opponent looked away so as not to get any blood spit at him, that’s when I got the upper hand, swept his feet out from underneath him and dropped him down on his butt.

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8 Roles That Fighters Play to Entertain Us


“The Stoic Russian” is a hurtful stereotype, so we didn’t include it.  The more you know…..

People complain about “pro-wrestling bullshit” invading MMA, but it’s been demonstrated over and over again: personality will get you places in the fight game.  We’ve pointed this out before, like when we advised Jon Fitch on how to ensure a title shot.  Some fighters are talked about incessantly on forums, at lunch tables, and in interviews because they’ve managed to capture the interest of fans, and many times it is because of things that they have done or said while not in the cage.

Come on in and let’s talk about archetypes, drama, and personality.  Because there’s only so many technique videos out there.

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