Just a little something to whet your appetites for Saturday. James Thompson has suffered some quick and embarrassing knockouts in his career, but this freak bout against Eric Esch at Cage Rage 20 in February 2007 was maybe the most humiliating. The announcers warn Thompson of “Buh’ah’bane”‘s infamous overhand right — but alas, poor James cannot hear them, and he’s out seconds later.

More video awesomeness after the jump…

When there’s an MMA event, medical suspensions are sure to follow. The Florida State Boxing Commission has dropped their list of suspended fighters from the EliteXC: Street Certified joint that happened in Miami last Saturday. (Props MMA on Tap)

Tank Abbott got a 60 day medical suspension because he got KTFO by Kimbo. Joining Tank on the 60-day list were James Thompson, Kyle Noke, John Doyle, and Edson Berto. Mario Rinaldi wasn’t KO’d but got the shit kicked out of him by Dave Herman, so he also earned 60 days on hold. On that note, Dave Herman and Jirka Hivati – who made $500 for the night – were told they must be cleared by a doctor before being allowed back in the cage. Herman due to a knee injury and Hivati because of a laceration on his face.

Let’s talk more suspensions, shall we? The California State Athletic Commission has fined and suspended two fighters for dancing with mary jane. The fighters – Mike Moreno and Jermaine Wilson – both fought last Saturday at the Total Combat 26 show that went down in San Diego. Mike Moreno will be out of action until May 16th and was fined $500 (maybe he can get Jirka Hivati to cover his fine). Jermaine Wilson is out until August 14th and was fined $1,000. Wilson’s penalty was a bit stiffer because it was his second marijuana offense in three months – his pro record is two fights, two lossess, and two suspensions due to drug use. That’s rollin’ Kendall Grove style.

Only four out of the fourteen fighters at the event were tested and half tested positive for drugs. And both fighters lost via submissions, so what does that tell you, Kids? If you’re going to toke it up, improve your takedown defense.

On a side note, Total Combat’s ring girls are called the Combat Dolls. They deserve close inspection…trust me.

(He can now afford to buy ten more of these hats.)

Hey, remember that EliteXC event last Saturday known as “Street Certified”? Well, dudes got paid for that – especially the main eventers. Kimbo earned $4,069 and change for every second of his fight, while Tank Abbott took home almost $3,000 for every second he was making like Kimbo’s punching bag. Not sure how he wrangled that sort of payday for going 1-8 since 1998, but guys like Jimmy Ambriz should be calling Tank’s manager. Also, being a getting KTFO specialist paid off for James Thompson — he grabbed $25,000 for going to sleep, while Brett Rogers earned just $4,000 for making that happen.

Antonio Silva did okay for himself, but had to go the distance to earn his $80k. However, if you’re not in the top 2-3 fights for an EliteXC show, it gets kinda shitty. Just ask Jirka Hlavaty. He got a sweet $500 for his losing effort. Don’t think that even covered his hotel room. (UPDATE: And Moyses Gabin earned just $1, not $1,000 as we reported earlier. We don’t know if that’s because Gary Shaw found out Gabin was banging Shaw’s wife or his daughter, but we’ll update you when we know for sure.)

The payday rundown:

Kimbo Slice – $175,000 ($125,000 to show, $50,000 to win)
Tank Abbott – $126,000

Antonio Silva – $80,000
Ricco Rodriguez – $20,000

(The foot of a champion.)

Though reports about Mark Coleman’s induction into the UFC’s Hall of Fame have been swirling for a month, the UFC officially confirmed it today — Coleman will get the honor at UFC 82, which takes place in his hometown of Columbus, OH. Coleman’s career highlights include winning the UFC’s first heavyweight title and stepping on Wanderlei Silva’s head during a melee after his fight with Mauricio Rua at PRIDE 31.

As for the next fighter to follow Coleman into the UFC’s Hall of Fame, Dana White was quoted in an ESPN.com article as saying that Tank Abbott “absolutely will be in our Hall of Fame” when he officially retires. White also called Tank’s fight with Kimbo Slice “a farce.” Man, does he love that word or what! Unrelated but awesome Tank Abbott quote from the ESPN article: “I was in really great shape. Don’t judge a book by looking at the cover. Just because I got blubber on me, that’s genetics basically, thanks to my mother.”

Kimbo vs. Tank referee-cam video, courtesy of Sho.com

Yves Edwards knocks out Edson Berto via one-legged hopping-knee with four seconds left in round one:

James Thompson adds to another fighter’s highlight reel with his predictable knockout loss to Brett Rogers:

Bonus: Kimbo Slice and Bas Rutten give their thoughts on the Tank fight and what might be next:

(Shocking.)

Four wild knockouts to one dull decision — not a bad ratio for Saturday’s EliteXC card. About 80 of you threw in predictions for how the “Street Certified” main event would turn out, and we’re pleased to announce a winner. On 2/15, at 2:37 pm, commenter “charles” said:

kimbo TKO in 42 sec

Sure, it was actually a KO, but the fight was called at 43 seconds, and that’s pretty damn close. So Charles, if you’re reading this, e-mail feedback@cagepotato.com with your address and we’ll send you a copy of Iceman: My Fighting Life, signed by Chuck Liddell himself. We’d also like to give special recognition to commenter “skeet,” who said “kimbo :37 tko kimbo will have him on the ground face down.” Psychic much?!?

Next order of business: Can we all agree that it’s time for Kimbo to face someone as good as he is? Not an old boxer, not a food-poisoned pussy, not a one-dimensional brawler 12 years past his prime, but a legitimate heavyweight with some talent? If there’s one thing that EliteXC proved on Saturday, it’s that its heavyweight division is at least as deep as the UFC’s — I know, not saying much — especially when you factor in Pro Elite sub-promotions like Cage Rage. I’m willing to accept that Antonio Silva had an off night (due to a possible pre-fight injury) and that he’s still a couple steps ahead of Kimbo as far as ability, but I would love to see how Kimbo would do against Ricco “Bacon Double-Cheeseburger” Rodriguez. Undefeated Brett Rogers, who knocked out James Thompson on Saturday, seems like he’d be the perfect guy for Kimbo to face if he wants to demand a little more respect. And at the end of the “Street Certified” broadcast, Mauro Ranallo and Stephen Quadros suggested that Kimbo could take on the winner of the Ken Shamrock/Robert “Buzz” Berry match at Cage Rage next month. Berry would be a great option — especially since he’s already called out Kimbo — but putting Kimbo against Shamrock’s legendary submission expertise (and willingness to take a beating) in just his fourth MMA bout might be asking too much.

Here’s what I’m afraid EliteXC might actually do: 1) Put Kimbo up against James Thompson so their franchise star can rack up at least one more guaranteed knockout before they start challenging him, or 2) Track down Sean Gannon so they can settle their grudge. As much as Kimbo might want to avenge his only loss as an “amateur,” the match-up just wouldn’t be competitive anymore, and wouldn’t do anything to prove that Kimbo should be taken seriously now.

One more thing: We went a perfect five-for-five in predicting the winners of “Street Certified”‘s main card, and called three of them perfectly (winner/round/method). Damn it feels good to be right once in a while…

(“Make this quick, fellas, I got a softball game in like two hours.”)

What it do, nephews? Kimbo, Tank, Ricco, Bigfoot, and the rest of the gang are about to do battle at Miami’s Bank United Center. Watch the action on Showtime starting at 10 p.m. if you can, and/or follow our round-by-round results and commentary after the jump. Click the “more” link and refresh the page every few minutes, and let’s have some good clean fights out there. WAR FERGUSON!

Even at an early age, Tank Abbott understood the importance of training. The hard work will be on display tomorrow night.

(It’ll be like this, but worse.)

— We premiered the first episode of What Would Kimbo Do? Let that be a lesson to you, inconsiderate roommates! Episode 2 drops next week…

— Mirko Cro Cop left the UFC. Tim Sylvia threatened to do the same on his website, then thought better of it.

— “House of Peace and Prosperity,” Dana White, 2/2, green, and Jäger. Oh, and “banged some chick while doing a radio interview.”

— Akiro Gono wants to find a girl who’s attractive, respectful, and good with happy endings. (By the way, there’s an awesome update to that story here.)

— Two championship belts changed hands at WEC 32, while Jamie Varner demonstrated that a fighter can take a time-out if he really needs it.

— Matt Horwich is way awesome.

— We looked at three MMA reality shows with even worse concepts than Redbelt.

— We mocked the homely.

Remember: Tomorrow, 10 p.m., EliteXC: Street Certified, liveblog, be here.

(Look out Kimbo, he’s got an air-shotgun!)

Brass tacks — EliteXC: “Street Certified” goes down tomorrow night at Miami’s Bank United Center; Showtime will broadcast the main card starting at 10 p.m., and we’ll be doing a liveblog, so swing by for live round-by-round results. And now, our predictions:

Tank vs. Kimbo (heavyweights): We all know how this is going to end. A month ago, we offered a “fantastic” prize to the CagePotato reader who could call the result the closest. Well, the prediction lines will be open until the end of the day, so throw a guess on the comments section of that page for your chance to win (what else) a signed copy of Iceman: My Fighting Life by Chuck Liddell. We’re sticking with our prediction of Kimbo winning by TKO (punches) in 59 seconds. MMABettingBlog says that since the betting odds on this match are so heavily stacked in Kimbo’s favor — he’s a -450 favorite, meaning you’d have to bet $450 on him to get $100 back if he wins — Tank is actually the smart money bet. Especially if you think losing money is smart.

Antonio Silva vs. Ricco Rodriguez (heavyweights): Speaking of sports betting, this fight reminds me of my personal rule — never bet against the streak. And as we discussed yesterday, Bigfoot Silva’s got a crazy one going: 10 fights, all of them lasting less than four minutes. Outside of the Ben Rothwell spit-debacle decision loss, Ricco “Suave” has been looking great lately, with six stoppage wins in his last seven fights. We just don’t think he’ll be able to deal with Silva’s size and power — Bigfoot by first-round GnP TKO. By the way, Rodriguez said this at yesterday’s press conference: “Win or lose, six months from now Antonio and I will be fighting again, probably for a title. We are the two best fighters in this organization right now. Tank and Kimbo are just tomato cans. We are the two real fighters.” We have a feeling Ricco might live to regret that quote…

(Ferguson and Abbott sort of stare each other down; photo props: Tom Casino/EliteXC via FiveOunces)

Kimbo Slice and Tank Abbott participated in one last press conference for “Street Certified” yesterday at Bernie Kosar’s Steakhouse in Miami. It seems like the two have blown their respective-wads, hype-wise, but they did provide these quotes:

TANK ABBOTT:
— “Training has just evolved for this fight more than for any of my other opponents. I have taken it very seriously.”

— “Kimbo is going to get hurt, that’s for sure. The way I am and the shape I’m in right now I can’t fathom a human being who can take five minutes of my shots. I am on fire right now.”

— “I think it is funny that he’s got Bas Rutten to train him. This is a real fight, not a slap-fest. He should have gotten a real fighter to train him. Training with Bas is better than nothing. But you either have it or you don’t. Technique doesn’t make you tough.”

— “I think Kimbo’s motivation is to be on TV or on the Internet. I think that is why he fights. Me? I have been in over 200 street fights to various degrees, ranging from knocking a guy out at a stop light to sending someone to the ICU for a week. I fight because I love it…I like it because I can’t go to jail for it.”

— “If you make a strategy to fight someone you are developing little crutches for yourself. I don’t have a plan.”

— “Everybody gives me shit about my shape. I can do 15 minutes on my head holding my breath.”

KIMBO SLICE:
— “Tank is full of shit if he thinks I can’t take his punches. I’m bringing the whole thing to the cage. I am bringing the hood with me to this cage.”

— “This fight means a lot to not only me but the entire city. This is big time. That is why I am going to break his rib, break his nose, break his arm.”

— “There are a lot of things in my arsenal I am going to try to use. If he’s a tad bit slow, I’m going to hurt him. I’ve trained with the best. It is going to be a long fight for him, or a short night.”

— “The right hand is for his top lip, the left hand is for his bottom lip.”

— “Bas (Rutten) is a mentor of mine. Anything Tank has to say about Bas, I am going to take it personal. I am going to make him pay for his words.”

— “Tank has a very big mouth. He needs to be careful about what he says. We take a lot of things personal. I just hope I don’t run into him before the fight starts. I want to settle this in the cage.”

Folks, you’re looking at a dead man.

(If you can’t kick above your own balls without grimacing, maybe being a professional fighter isn’t the best career path for you.)

(Exhibit B. He’s mugging like his ‘taint just split apart.)

(Punching makes Tank sleepy.)

(Classic bro-grab.)

(And after a hard day of training…)

(…the big payoff.)

(Thanks Sherdog)

Five years before Frank Mir disposed of Brock Lesnar via kneebar, he put away Tank Abbott with an ankle-lock at UFC 41: Onslaught (2/28/03). The fight marked Tank’s first professional match since 1998, and Mir’s sixth overall. Though Tank showed some nimble movement on the ground, Mir displayed his ability to keep calm against an aggressive opponent while expertly working toward a submission. Following this fight, Mir won two victories over Wes Sims (the first by illegal-stomp DQ, the second by KO) then faced Tim Sylvia for the title. Abbott would close out 2003 by losing to Kimo Leopoldo and Wesley Correira, then leaving the UFC.

EliteXC has released a new promo clip for its Street Certified event on February 16th. In it, Kimbo Slice discusses his respect for Tank Abbott. Unfortunately, since Tank is potentially standing in the way of a Slice family trip to Orlando, respect will only go so far…

(Artist’s rendering of what the YAMMA pit will look like.)

Bob Meyrowitz is the former CEO of eYada.com and Semaphore Entertainment Group (SEG), the company that launched and ran the UFC until 2001. Many blame Meyrowitz for the near-demise of the UFC before Dana White and the Fertittas took over and built the organization to its current level of success. It was recently announced that Meyrowitz has started up a new MMA organization, YAMMA Pit Fighting. When we got word that Meyrowitz was once again throwing his hat into the MMA ring, we had to know more and gave him a call. Although there’s a lot he’s still not leaking to anyone, we got him to open up about what YAMMA’s mysterious new surface is not, and some of his plans for the new fight club.

CagePotato: What made you want to jump back into the MMA business after your troubles with the UFC?
Bob Meyrowitz: I’d been out of the business for about five or six years, but I had this thought for a new surface — which I don’t want to overplay — but it was about getting people excited and talking about it. Really the surface is what started everything.

What can you tell us about this mysterious surface?
(laughs) Trust me on this, it’s not that mysterious. I’ve read some of the blogs. There are no hydraulics or sharks involved.

Do you feel your PPV and publicity contacts give you a head start in getting YAMMA off the ground?
Well, I think my pay-per-view knowledge is certainly going to be helpful. But I really look at my [MMA] knowledge…my overall knowledge of how you promote, how you entertain, how you make a star.

Given the choice, would you sign a fighter with a lot of hype behind them, like Brock Lesnar or Kimbo Slice, or a proven fighter who may not have much of a TV personality?
What I have always looked for is the best possible athlete. They take care of themselves. Is Brock Lesnar the best possible athlete? I really don’t know.

Looks like Dave “Pee Wee” Herman is being added to the EliteXC February 16th card. The heavyweight is 9-0 and will be fighting Seth Petruzelli – yes, the same Petruzelli from TUF 2. Petruzelli is 9-4. The two heavyweight fighters will square off in Miami. This is the first in a multi-fight deal for “Pee Wee”.

Herman is a hot prospect and has knocked out six of his nine opponents and has never gone to the second round. He’s only been pro for about 13 months, so he obviously likes the cage. Petruzelli is 2-2 since TUF 2, both of those losses coming in the UFC.

Showtime will air the “Street Certified” event where the main event will see Kimbo attempting to rip that dumbass goatee right off of Tank Abbott’s face.

Here’s what things are looking like for the 16th:

Tank Abbott vs. Kimbo Slice
Ricco Rodriguez vs. Antonio Silva
Yves Edwards vs. Edson Berto
Dave Herman vs. Seth Petruzelli
Kyle Noke vs. Scott Smith
Brett Roges vs. James Thompson

In Kimbo’s latest video, he talks about his web mastering skills, making his johnson look big, and the guy is obsessed with beatin’ down Sean Gannon.

For those of you who fall into one of the following categories:

a) I Love Tank Abbott.
b) I Love “Jimmy Kimmel Live”.
c) I stay up late to catch whatever is on against Letterman or Leno.
d) I am Kimbo Slice.

…the following is for you.

(FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE)

This just in: The always colorful, entertaining and unpredictable David “Tank” Abbott will be a special guest on the nationally televised Jimmy Kimmel Live show tonight/Thursday at 12:05 a.m. ET/PT on ABC.

Tank (tankabbott.proelite.com), one of the original Mixed Martial Arts bad boys and most ferocious knockout artists in history, will discuss, among other things, his eagerly anticipated, long-awaited grudge fight with Kimbo Slice (kimboslice.proelite.com) set for Saturday, Feb. 16, at the BankUnited Center at the University of Miami on SHOWTIME.

Other guests Thursday will include reality show star Heidi Montague of the “The Hills.”

(Not funny.)

— Bas Rutten starred in the best YTMND page of all-time. (last link)

— MMA Girl Joanne enchanted us with an exclusive video interview.

— We got overly emotional about Gina Carano.

— EliteXC signed two members of the Shamrock family. Unfortunately, neither one was Frank. We marveled at Ryan’s physique and gave Ken some encouragement.

— The UFC filed a lawsuit against Randy Couture. Your move, Natural.

— We solicited your predictions for the Kimbo Slice/Tank Abbott fight, then liveblogged their press conference.

— We counted down the best fights that didn’t take place in a ring or cage.

— We put $1,000 up for grabs in the Serious Pimp t-shirt design contest.

— Instead of predicting UFC 80‘s winners, we predicted the bonuses. (Reminder: Come back tomorrow at 3 p.m. ET for the UFC 80 liveblog. Good times guaranteed.)

— We coped with a slow news day.

Have a great weekend, people. Stay hungry.

As promised earlier…

Click the “MORE” link and refresh the page every couple minutes to see the latest announcements and trash-talk from the EliteXC “Street Certified” conference call. Because knowing, as some say, is 50% of the battle.

(Tank Abbott, after eating 200 deviled eggs.)

Heads up, Potato Nation: EliteXC is holding a media conference call today at 4 p.m. ET, where Kevin “Kimbo Slice” Ferguson, David “Tank” Abbott, and EliteXC live events president Gary Shaw will be taking questions about the upcoming “Street Certified” event in Miami on February 16. I’ll be liveblogging it, so be sure to tune in later for the play-by-play.

Each media outlet generally gets to ask 1-3 questions at these things, so if you have any queries for the guys that are relatively insightful and won’t get me banned from future conference calls, post ‘em in the comments. And if you haven’t thrown in a prediction for the Kimbo/Tank fight yet, do it!

ProElite has put together a new promo video to hype the Kimbo Slice/Tank Abbott fight on February 16. Two things stand out: First, Tank only gets about 1.5 seconds of screen time; maybe this was done so that uninformed Kimbo fans don’t see recent footage of Tank in action and immediately lose their excitement for this ugly mismatch. Second, ProElite is getting a lot of mileage from Kimbo’s three-punch victory over Bo Cantrell. This is like the video-editing equivalent to Native Americans using every part of the buffalo.

So let’s try to call it. I’m saying that the fight will end at 0:59 of the first round — generous, I know — with Kimbo winning it by TKO (punches). Put down your predictions in the comments section below. The reader who calls it closest gets a fantastic prize to be named later. I’m also willing to entertain side-bets from readers who think Tank is going to pull out a surprise victory. Watch the video, then have at it…

UPDATE: Alright, this is Tank’s promo clip. There’s something a little sad about that shot of him running up the hill and stopping to shadow-box. Getting strong now!

EliteXC sent out a press release yesterday announcing that tickets to their February 16th event featuring Kimbo Slice and Tank Abbott will go on sale this Friday at Ticketmaster, and confirming that the event will take place at the BankUnited Center at the University of Miami. Check the first sentence:

“Fans seeking to participate in perhaps the biggest, most significant fight card in the history of mixed martial arts in Florida will have the opportunity to reserve their spots beginning this Friday, Jan. 11, when tickets to EliteXC’s tremendous mega-event on Saturday, Feb. 16, will go on sale.”

At first, I skipped over that “in Florida” part and nearly shot Scotch out of my nose. Upon re-reading, I was still unconvinced. Surely this sideshow won’t be bigger than the UFC’s record-breaking Ortiz/Shamrock III event, or UFC 42, which featured Matt Hughes’s five-round war with Sean Sherk. Personally, I don’t think it’ll even be as significant as those smoker matches Din Thomas was arrested for last year — I mean, Din kinda became our Rosa Parks after that one. I love fight-hype as much as the next guy, but to paraphrase John Lennon, if you start referring to Slice/Abbott as a “tremendous mega-event,” you ain’t gonna make it with anyone anyhow.

I’ve ranted before about how unfortunate of a move this fight is for Kevin Ferguson and EliteXC, so I’ll spare you this time. Instead, I’ll post this bizarre video of Tank Abbott drunkenly mouthing off to a guy wearing a Kimbo Slice mask (at a bar? in his basement?), which looks to be directed by David Lynch and shot with the same camera used to record Rick Salomon banging Paris Hilton.

Fresh off the announcement that Kevin “Kimbo Slice” Ferguson will be facing Tank Abbott at an EliteXC event on February 16, Triumph United has released a video of Kimbo in the gym, talking about his upcoming fight with Tank, his disappointingly short beatdown of Bo Cantrell, and the fact that entire rooms get dark when he pulls his pants down. We particularly appreciate his use of the phrase “real talk.” CagePotato and R. Kelly salute you…

(Ferguson verbally agrees to fight Abbott after defeating Ray Mercer at Cage Fury FC in June 2007.)

According to Sam Caplan’s blog on ProElite.com, Kevin “Kimbo Slice” Ferguson has been scheduled to headline EliteXC’s next card on February 16th against 42-year-old brawler Tank Abbott; the event will likely go down in Ferguson’s home city of Miami. Abbott and Ferguson had originally been scheduled to fight each other in October of last year for the Cage Fury Fighting Championships organization, but the event was canceled due to financial difficulties, after which Kimbo signed an exclusive deal with EliteXC that pays him more than six figures a fight.

Abbott has a career record of 10-13, has lost 7 of his last 9 matches, and placed #2 in our list of dudes who should quit. Putting Abbott against Ferguson may interest fans who followed Tank’s UFC glory days in the mid-’90s, but it’s insulting to Kimbo; it further ghettoizes him as a freak-show act, rather than validating him as a serious mixed martial artist. We’ve posted about this before, but we’ll repeat it: Kimbo deserves better. He’s been devoted to MMA training for the better part of a year and has an intimidation factor not seen since Mike Tyson in the ’80s. Yet EliteXC still seems unwilling to risk having him go up against a credible opponent and lose. In terms of his career, Ferguson needs a challenging fight more than anything else right now, to prove that his hype is justified. After February, there will still be detactors saying “Kimbo ain’t shit, just see what happens when you put him up against a real fighter.”

I wasn’t planning on posting about this — mainly because it’s ridiculous and there’s no real source — but it keeps popping up so I feel like I need to weigh in. Basically, 411mania.com is floating a rumor that EliteXC is considering a four-man heavyweight tournament that would include Kimbo Slice, Bob Sapp, Butterbean, and Tank Abbott.

Ultimate Ultimate Knockouts, a DVD collection of the all-time greatest K.O.’s in UFC history, hit stores today. Among the fighters featured are Chuck Liddell, Randy Couture, Tito Ortiz, Andrei Arlovski, Matt Hughes and Matt Serra, but the most frightening knockout on the disc comes from David “Tank” Abbott’s jaw-dropping debut against John Matua at UFC 6. Looking at Matua — a 400-pound beast who, as Michael Buffer manages to say with a straight face, is “a practitioner of Kuialua, the brutal Hawaiian art of bone-breaking” — you’d think he’d be the favorite against the beer-bellied Abbott. But Abbott makes his presence known immediately, punching Matua so hard that he ends up in an Awakenings-style paralysis, and then mocking him for it.

These days, Tank Abbott is seen as a relic of simpler times, when strikers couldn’t be bothered with learning how to grapple. He’s lost seven of his last nine fights (including once to Frank Mir). But on that night…he was brilliant.