If there’s one thing we know about Nick Diaz and the members of Team Cesar Gracie, it’s that they will not tolerate bullshit in *any* of its various forms. However, if the latest upload from ever-enigmatic Youtube user Jerry Rips — which features audio of Diaz’s corner during his bouts with Carlos Condit, BJ Penn, and Georges St. Pierre — is any indication, it would appear that wetness is just below bullshit on Team Cesar Gracie’s list of deplorable offenses. And once you realize what the average TCG training session looks like, you’ll begin to understand just what the punishment is for such an offense.

Confused? Well welcome to the 209, bitch. It’s a magical place where, should you find yourself fighting for a(n interim) title in MMA’s highest promotion, you will receive such sound corner advice as “That’s the kind of asshole shit he’s got,” “Fuckin’ dick,” and “Condit, you pussy!” But mainly, your teammates/coaches will be relegated to complaining about how slippery your opponent is. Not slippery in the figurative sense — we mean, like, that pussy just got out the pool or some shit. And don’t even get them started on what’ll happen if this fight goes the judges, who are all probably betting against you anyway. But seriously, they put waaay too much water on that motherfucker, man.

We could watch this all day, but we first feel compelled to ask: Nate Diaz vs. Frito in an academic decathalon — who takes it?

-J. Jones

(Ronaldo Souza’s alligator dance: You’re doing it wrong. Photo courtesy of Getty Images.) 

Well, well, well, isn’t this peculiar.

When Nick Diaz starting lobbing accusations of negligence at his own team during the UFC 158 post-fight press conference last month — a team that prides themselves on a wolfpack-like sense of loyalty if nothing else — we initially wrote it off as little more than the fleeting words of a man grasping at straws to save his MMA career. Nick’s attitude regarding his most recent retirement only drove this notion home. That being said, it was hard not to at least speculate that Diaz’s longtime coach/manager/muzzle, Cesar Gracie, could be at least partially responsible for the Stocktonian’s ongoing troubles over the years. Dana White seemed to agree, calling Gracie “a dick” who “plays bullshit games.”

And indeed, it appears that even the members of Team Cesar Gracie are starting to grow tired of his shit, as it was recently announced that former lightweight title challenger Nate Diaz has left the team — managerially, at least — for greener pastures (via MMAMania):

According to a report from Ariel Helwani on Tuesday’s (April 9, 2013) edition of “UFC Tonight” on FUEL TV, the Stockton, Calif., native has enlisted the management services of Mike Kogan, who heads Real Talk Entertainment, representing notable names such as UFC heavyweight Roy Nelson and former Strikeforce light heavyweight champion Muhammed Lawal, among others. 

We reacted the same way.

It wasn’t surprising to see Cesar Gracie fire Caio Terra for helping nemesis Carlos Condit, but it was sort of odd that Gracie had so little to say about it. Never one to shy away from calling someone out, it was strange to see Cesar post a half-assed rant on Facebook about the firing and be done with it. Fortunately, he was asked to address the firing on this week’s edition of The MMA Hour, and by the time he shows up on the show, he does not disappoint.

The segment started off with Areil Helwani asking some pretty standard questions about Nate Diaz’s upcoming title fight, but things get interesting when he plays Terra’s explanation for his decision to train Condit and then asks Gracie for a reaction. Believe it or not, Cesar Gracie does not threaten to slap Helwani for instigating fights, but instead opts to give an articulate response detailing the finer points of Caio Terra’s bitchassness. Via MMAFighting.com:

“He must be happy, because this is literally the most publicity he’s ever received. ” Gracie remarked. “He a jiu-jitsu guy, he doesn’t have any kind of MMA anything.”

(“Tell me you aren’t going to miss this shit, bro.”)

Our friends at Kimura.se caught up with Jake Shields ahead of his UFC 144 fight with Yoshihiro Akiyama Saturday in Japan and they asked the Team Cesar Gracie fighter whether or not he thinks his teammate Nick Diaz will follow through on his plan to retire.

(“See, where I come from bitching like that will get you backhanded.”)

Well, it didn’t take long for Team Cesar Gracie to return fire on BJ Penn after “The Prodigy” launched a random Twitter attack on Nick Diaz yesterday.

Here’s what they had to say about Penn’s latest bitchfest via a posting made today on Cesar’s official blog, GracieFighter.com.

Say It Ain’t So BJ…

JANUARY 6, 2012

BJ Penn has apparently not come to terms with the beating he received at the hands of Nick Diaz. Below is his latest posting on his Twitter account:

@nickdiaz209 Look how much bigger you are in this pic..I thought you were gonna scrap from the beginning homie? What was that coward fence holding strategy to tire out the smaller man? Street fighter my ass! I made you fight like glass jaw @jonfitchdotnet poser!
I’ll be ready for that weak bs next time we fight!

At some point it is up to those around you to protect you from yourself. To take you aside and let you know you are wrong and help save you from your folly. Unfortunately for Penn he is surrounded by “Yes Men” that are unwilling to do that. The outcome will be predictable, resulting in a fighter that will never push himself to the fullest and will always have excuses for his losses.

Cancel the Summer 2011 XXL Awards, we found the winner.

The concept of a music label sponsoring fighters is nothing new. However, one ambitious label has decided to sponsor an entire team. According to MMAMania.com, Coalition Fight Music will be sponsoring Team Cesar Gracie, providing entrance music for the fighters. The deal is expected to begin with Nick Diaz’s entrance music for his upcoming superfight with GSP at UFC 137.

Hopefully unrelated is Nick Diaz’s cameo in Stockton rapper Ben Kaos’ music video for “In It 2 Win It (Remix)”. In the video, Nick Diaz is shown training, throwing up a Stockton Heybuddy… you know, just being Nick Diaz. As for the actual song, let’s just say that Ben Kaos is no Miilkbone. And that’s not exactly a compliment for Miilkbone.

(Obviously the body of a man with a severe testosterone deficiency. Pic: Team Quest)

This is a tricky thing, trying to rank the best fight camps in mixed martial arts. With so many top level fighters constantly on the move and the teams themselves ceaselessly forging, then breaking alliances with the speed and bitterness of your average Tito-Jenna Twitter spat, it’s hard to keep it all straight in your head. Take welterweight champ Georges St. Pierre, for instance. Obviously a feather in the cap for any MMA gym, but how do we consider GSP – the prototypical camp-jumper — for the purposes of our precious little lists? Is he a Team Jackson guy? A TriStar guy? A (*snort*) Freddie Roach guy? Hard to know. Still, in the face of this uncertainty we soldier on. Why? Because of our commitment to you, P-Nation. And our commitment to making you mad with our off-base picks …