(You think that’s gay, just wait ’til you see what they did to Andre Winner‘s rainbow-colored booty-shorts.)

Ricardo Feliciano abuses the English language, Cyrille Diabate abuses alcohol, and more behind-the-scenes nuggets from Wednesday’s episode of The Ultimate Fighter, courtesy of Team USA lightweight Santino Defranco.

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Jason Dent and Frankie Lester are officially part of the "Independent Americans". The fighters from the USA, myself included, were by no means a cohesive unit like the UK fighters. Team UK ate together, with head chef and cooking captain Dean Amasinger at the helm. They played together, participating in sports, WWE-style wrestling matches, and other limey-esque games generally led by England’s bouncer of the year and lead playwright, Dave Faulkner. And, with my new knowledge, thanks to modern technological devises such as cameras and tele’s, I have seen that they trained together, led by the "Gov’na" himself, Michael "TV will show how I can throw a tantrum" Bisping". The American counterparts, on the other hand, would have little to do with one another.

To the defense of the seemingly megalomaniacal Americans, we had just met each other and were now being recorded 24 hours a day by camera crews, some of whom had handlebar porn-staches and even went to the extreme of hiding in our closets in the middle of the night. That was a bit awkward for us. Team UK, however, had almost two weeks to get acquainted with each other before filming began. Team USA was not afforded that luxury, as we fought and were immediately thrown in a house with an angry, drunk hobbit. We were getting to know every one’s personality and idiosyncrasies during the first few weeks of filming. There was, however, a common ground of distaste between the Yanks, personified by the "Count", Michael Bisping.

Team USA didn’t exactly get off to a promising start on the second elimination episode of The Ultimate Fighter: U.S. vs. U.K. last night. Welterweight Jason Pierce fainted during the show-opening lineup (but won his first fight anyway), making him the new Phillipe Nover. Lightweight John David Shackleford showed up with a damn herpe on his head (and was immediately dismissed), making him the new Paul Bradley. Welterweight Christian Fulgium was kicked off for not making weight, making him the new Jason Guida. And Steve Mazzagatti couldn’t decide if he wanted to stop fights early or late, so he decided to do both, making him the same old Steve Mazzagatti. Here’s how the elimination-round matches went down:

Mark Miller (WW) def. Kevin Knabjian via TKO, round 2

Richie "The Choking Tomato" Whitson (LW) def. Paul Bird via submission (rear-naked choke), round 1

Santino DeFranco (LW) def. Waylon Lowe via submission (rear-naked choke), round 2

Jason Pierce (WW) def. Steve "Red Nose" Berger via decision

Cameron Dollar (LW) def. Tom Hayden via submission (rear-naked choke), round 1

Damarques Johnson (WW) def. Ray Elbe via TKO (mount ‘n’ murder), round 1