(Props: FleeceJohnson69 via CP reader John S.)

The title of this little piece of absurdist art is “SXSW 2013 Fight : Drunk Bully Gets Knocked OUT!,” but honestly, the shaggy-haired gangsta in the camo shorts getting slept is the least interesting part of the video. There’s just so much to wonder about, before and after the climactic act.

For example, why does the titular drunk start demonstrating his bird-calls at the 0:09 mark? Why is the white dude’s reaction to getting jabbed in the face (0:25-0:28) the funniest thing I’ve seen all month? And seriously, what the hell is wrong with young people today? As soon as CamoShorts gets leveled by a wicked straight-right from the depths of Sucker Punch Hell, the reaction of half the crowd is to pull out their phones, lean over the guy’s body, and mutely, dumbly, shoot footage of a person who at that particular moment is doing absolutely nothing. What, did you think one of them was going to kneel down and perform CPR? These kids? In this America? It’s like a race to see who can most quickly upload a picture of the guy’s face to twitter with the message, “AT SOUTH BY, SHIT GETTING REAL, DUDE GOT KTFO’D INFRONTOFMELOL #PRAY4WEEZY”

And then the cops show up, and the drunk slowly regains his senses, and horses and paramedics arrive, and he’s led off, and the crowd disperses, and…fuck. I don’t know. I just want my country back.

(“Rogers a hater. Rogers a hater. [*long pause*] Rogers, you a hater. You a hater, Rogers. Big, soft…you a hater, man. Hater. You hatin’!“)

Last week, we expressed some concern that Josh Barnett‘s application for a license in Texas was still incomplete, just ten days before he was scheduled to throw down against Brett Rogers at “Strikeforce: Overeem vs. Werdum” in Dallas. But it turned out there was a logical explanation for Barnett’s licensing status that involved pre-fight medicals, and the Babyface Assassin was actually among several other fighters on the card whose applications were incomplete as of last week.

And now it’s official. As MMAJunkie reports, the Texas Department of Licensing and Regulation has issued Barnett a license to fight this Saturday:

Barnett’s license is good for one year…As earlier reported, Barnett was required to provide the TDLR with a clean drug test in addition to the usual pre-fight paperwork as a condition of his licensure. Strikeforce is conducting independent drug testing at the event…

After Josh Barnett‘s re-licensing bid was stonewalled by the CSAC in December — leading him to basically give up on California altogether — Strikeforce figured they could solve their problems by hosting Barnett’s promotional debut in Texas, a lawless wasteland whose notoriously lax athletic commission allowed Antonio Margarito to box Manny Pacquiao at Cowboys Stadium the year after after he was caught loading his gloves.

That fact that we hadn’t heard anything about Barnett’s licensing status in the lead-up to June 18th’s “Overeem vs. Werdum” event at the American Airlines Center seemed like a good sign. But problems remain — namely, that the Babyface Assassin reportedly hasn’t completed his Texas licensing application, with just ten days until showtime.

Thanks to your brilliant nominations, we’ve selected the 15 best spots in North America to watch MMA events with a drink in your hand. All of these places have been sent official CagePotato banners to hang during fight nights, so if you swing by and see one, pat yourself on the back, because you made that happen. So which watering holes made the cut? And are any of them *not* famous for their wings? Read on, Potato Nation.

***

HUMPERDINK’S
700 Six Flags Dr.; Arlington, Texas
Located about a half-mile from Rangers Ballpark and the soon-to-be-opened new Cowboys stadium, Humperdinks is revered by Dallas-area sports fanatics, and as long as the home teams aren’t playing, Dink’s is all about their cage-fighting. Besides the fact that every UFC event is shown and there’s never a cover, the restaurant’s main selling point is the 16 varieties of beer that are brewed on the premises, which you can actually buy kegs of to take home with you. We suggest pairing their Total Disorder Porter with a big hearty fight like Lesnar vs. Mir II, and the seasonal Raspberry Blonde with something lighter and more technical like Penn vs. Florian.
Our readers say: “The girls are always hot (it’s Texas, did you expect anything different?) and the bouncers are big enough to make you think twice about throwing that haymaker you saw on the show.” — kadumel

EL GUAPO CANTINA
7250 Melrose Ave.; Los Angeles, California
Laid back sports bars are something of a rarity in Hollywood, but lo and behold, there’s El Guapo Cantina right on Melrose, showing UFC fights for a modest five-dollar cover.  The place gets packed on fight nights, so getting there early is a good idea, and while you’re there you might as well eat a steak quesadilla.  They’ve also staffed their team of waitresses with aspiring actresses (it is Hollywood), which means that even if they can’t remember what you ordered they’re still easy on the eyes and can probably cry on cue.
Good to know: El Guapo features semi-regular beer pong tournaments.  Judging from the standings published on their website, they’re pretty serious about it too.  Consider yourself warned.

PUNCHERS SPORTS BAR
421 Third St.; Baton Rouge, Louisiana
Pretty much everything you need to know about Punchers you can learn from their signature drink – The Donkey Punch.  Beyond that, they’re friends of the local MMA scene and have largely designed this downtown bar for hosting fight-viewing parties.  There’s even a punching bag in the bar.  Things can get a little rowdy, but you better keep it level during the fights.  They don’t play around once that gladiator intro starts up.
Good to know: Every week they offer the Tuesday Triathlon, which is comprised of shuffleboard, pool, and the punching bag.  Winner gets a $100 bar tab.  Losers get sad.

(Brown vs. Garcia)

If you didn’t believe it after he pulled out a first-round TKO over Urijah Faber in November, believe it now — Mike Brown is a freakin’ monster. Brown’s first featherweight title defense ended in quick, violent fashion, as the American Top Team fighter needed less than two minutes to pound #1 contender Leonard Garcia into helplessness, then end the fight with an arm-triangle choke from the top. Things looked bad for Garcia right away, with Brown smashing him to the mat with an overhand right just 18 seconds into round 1. From there, Brown worked some brutal ground-and-pound, bloodying Garcia’s face. Garcia was able to stave off a rear-naked choke attempt, but Brown relentlessly worked to finish the fight on the ground, and made Garcia tap at the 1:57 mark. After the fight, Brown picked up a $7,500 Submission of the Night bonus, and welcomed a rematch with Faber, calling it the fight that fans want to see the most.

Speaking of bonuses, bantamweight Damacio Page earned a $7,500 Knockout of the Night bump for his 18-second storming of Marcos Galvao — who, somewhat unsurprisingly, had to leave the cage on a stretcher — while Johny Hendricks and Alex Serdyukov each took home an extra $7,500 for their action-packed Fight of the Night, which Hendricks won in a unanimous decision despite a late comeback from Serdyukov. Hendricks vs. Serdyukov was the last welterweight match to be featured in the WEC; both fighters are rumored to move to the UFC.

(Mug shot courtesy of MMAWeekly.)

Thirteen members of an El Paso-to-Lubbock cocaine smuggling ring were arrested this week during raids that followed a four-year investigation. And now the bad news:

NewsChannel 11 has learned one of those arrested is mixed martial arts fighter Leonard Garcia. He was arrested Tuesday in alleged connection with the cocaine ring. Garcia is currently ranked sixth in the featherweight class in MMA. [Ed. note: According to KCBD News Channel 11's independent rankings?]

If convicted, three of those arrested could face up to 40 years in prison and up to a $2 million fine. The others could face up to life in prison and up to a $4 million fine.

Cripes, so 40 years is the best case scenario? Let’s hope “Bad Boy” has a good attorney. When reached for comment, Garcia’s manager Sven Bean said:

“It was a shock to me. It definitely came out of left field. I’ve talked with his family and I’ve had one phone conversation with his lawyer. We’re just letting him do his job at this point. Hopefully, we’ll know more as the days progress.”

Obviously, we’re just as shocked. Could Garcia’s managerial position at Frito-Lay have just been a front for something more devious? We’ll update you when more details emerge…

Previously — Leonard Garcia: Stalking Urijah