(Props: snakerattle79)

As you might have heard, MMA fighter/frequent assault suspect War Machine (11-3) was back in action a couple weekends ago at BAMMA 3 in England, where he finished Zach Light (6-10) by first-round rear-naked choke; the video is above. Yes, Light has a losing record, so maybe it’s not the most impressive victory for War. Still, Light is a former two-time All American wrestler and works as a coach at Wolfslair — where he assists in the training of fighters like Quinton Jackson, Michael Bisping, and Cheick Kongo — so at least he’s a well-qualified pushover.

The match was particularly special for War Machine because it marked his first fight after giving up the porn biz and becoming a Christian. As he tweeted: "I had planned on doing what I ALWAYS use to make fun of…thank God after the fight on the mic but in the excitement of things I forgot! Makes me feel bad. So I’m gonna thank him now for protecting me both physically and mentally while both preparing and fighting." To which God tweeted back. "I had nothing to do with that, now leave me alone you psycho."

(Props: youtube.com/BellatorMMA)

Bellator’s inaugural season came to a close on Friday night, with the finals of their middleweight and lightweight brackets. In the 185-pound title fight, Hector Lombard used his striking and ground-and-pound to open up some nasty cuts on the head of his opponent, Jared Hess; the fight was eventually stopped in the fourth round after Hess lost a few gallons of blood. Directly after, 155-pound favorite Eddie Alvarez completed his sweep of the lightweight tourney by knocking Toby Imada out of his jock with a big right hook early in the second round, then sinking in a rear-naked choke. Lombard and Alvarez collected $100,000 checks for their efforts.

In non-tournament action, Jorge Masvidal submitted Eric Reynolds via third-round rear-naked choke, Bodog/ShoXC vet Rosi Sexton submitted Valerie Coolbaugh via first-round armbar, and Stephanie Guimaraes became Bellator’s latest YouTube star with her 49-second knee-knockout of Yvonne Reis. The Guimaraes knockout is above; highlights from the Lombard/Hess and Alvarez/Imada fights are after the jump.

(Props: MMA Worldwide via MMA Fanhouse)

Cristiane "Cyborg" Santos is a passionate, passionate woman. In fact, she’s so passionate that when the interviewer in the above video asks an innocent question about how long it would take her to choke out Gina Carano (skip to the 4:13 mark), Cyborg sinks in a rear-naked and squeezes until her male training partners have to drag her off. The interviewer eventually comes to, and when he sort of figures out what happened ("I was sleeping?"), he’s so terrified that he goes on record saying that Santos will beat Carano on August 15th. This is what Cris Cyborg does to non-biased journalists — she fucking ruins them.

After the jump: If Diego Sanchez thinks Clay Guida is just going to lay on him this Saturday, he’s "terribly confused"; Dana White says Brock Lesnar "could possibly be the best heavyweight in UFC history"; and our friend Joanne of the MMA Girls takes us through the heel hook.

After making my MMA highlight reel debut with "Sakuraba: Survivor," I decided to follow it up with a new compilation that’s both shorter and less depressing. The concept of "Stranglehold" is quite simple: Here are some of the most creative and infamous choke-submissions in recent MMA history, soundtracked by Ted Nugent. The cast of characters include Nate Diaz, Dan Miller, Renato "Babalu" Sobral, Shinya Aoki, BJ Penn, Nick Diaz, Demian Maia, CB Dollaway, and Toby Imada. Let me know what you think, and if you dig it, please share with a friend.

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(Props: Bloody Elbow)

As mentioned yesterday, War Machine won his bout against the previously-undefeated Guillaume De Lorenzi at Friday night’s XMMA 7 event, ending the fight with a rear-naked choke after some back-and-forth grappling — which is also how he defeated Darren Zatkow in Spetember 2007. Luckily, he didn’t get probation for this one. Score!