(Oh, for the love of God, no. Props: MMA Junkie.)

Last season of The Ultimate Fighter introduced to us to a Kentucky-bred fighter named Junie Browning, whose crippling insecurities, alcoholism, and violent outbursts made him the show’s standout trainwreck — no small feat, considering all the sheet-pissing, semen-eating antics that were going on in the house. With the widespread criticism that the season received from MMA fans and other fighters, you’d think that the UFC would tighten up their TUF vetting process so that future unhinged psychos wouldn’t be allowed in to embarrass the organization and the sport as a whole. Well, not so much:

(Ryan Bader, mid-"Woo!" Photo courtesy of UFC.com)

According to the Nevada State Athletic Commission’s list of medical suspensions issued after Saturday’s Ultimate Fighter 8 finale, newly-minted light-heavyweight winner Ryan Bader may not be immediately ready to begin his post-TUF career in the UFC due to a possible injury to his right hand. Bader must get the hand x-rayed and cleared by a doctor; without an official go-ahead, he’ll be out of action until June 9th.

Kevin Burns — who should just be happy to still be breathing after being knocked half-dead by a vicious Anthony Johnson head-kick — has to serve a mandatory suspension until February 9th with no contact until January 25th for possible left-orbital and left-ankle fractures. If his injuries aren’t cleared by a doctor, he could also be out until June 9th. Six other fighters from the event also took home medical suspensions — details are after the jump.

(I owe you a beer, Efrain.)

This Yahoo! MMA Experts post about how favorite-playing bettors got killed at the TUF 8 finale inspired me to share my own experience from the event. On Friday, I opened a BetUS account to do my first-ever fight wagering with real money. (I’d already bet my esophagus on UFC 85, and took heavy losses.) I went easy for my first go-round, spreading $100 over five fights, and wound up losing $25 of it — not awesome for someone who claims to be an expert on this shit. Some highlights:

Biggest Win: Efrain Escudero ($20 bet for $55 profit)
Had we known that Phillipe Nover had no answer for Efrain’s takedowns, he obviously wouldn’t have been such a heavy favorite coming into the fight. Even with what we knew beforehand, I always thought that Nover/Escudero was a toss-up, with both guys carrying equal amounts of talent. I think the betting line fell prey to the "next Anderson Silva, next GSP" hype that was pumping up Nover, and EE’s +275 was too juicy not to take.

Worst “My Fault” Loss: $10 on Jules Bruchez
This kind of dumbassery is how sportsbooks make their money. My thought process was, “Eliot Marshall shouldn’t be -600 against anybody.” But that’s no reason to put cash on the other guy. Bruchez looked hopeless in his quarterfinal loss to Vinny on the show, and I should have known that he’d get owned by another BJJ ace. Still, the idea of turning my ten-spot into $40 was too seductive. What can I say, I’m a rube.

(Photos courtesy of UFC.com)

After a long, arduous, bodily-fluid-filled season of The Ultimate Fighter, we’ve finally made it to the end. It’s time to see who’s worthy of the hype, who’s ready for the big show, who’s taking home the six-figure contracts. If you’re not psyched for this, go watch Bromance you freakin’ fairy. For everyone else, hit that "Read More" link and refresh the page every few minutes for live round-by-round updates and commentary.

SPOILER ALERT: This liveblog kicks off at 9 p.m. ET, but the broadcast is tape-delayed on the West Coast (and possibly other parts of the country). Check your local listings, and keep in mind that we may be writing about things you haven’t seen yet. So if you’re coming in, scroll carefully.

(Props: MMA Weekly)

Weigh-ins for The Ultimate Fighter 8 finale went down earlier today at the Palms Casino Resort in Las Vegas, and every fighter successfully made weight — except for Wilson Gouveia, who came in four pounds heavy for his middleweight tilt against Jason MacDonald. Way to set a good example for the new guys, Will. Full results are below…

MAIN CARD
Efrain Escudero (156) vs. Phillipe Nover (155)
Ryan Bader (205) vs. Vinicius Magalhaes (205)
Kevin Burns (171) vs. Anthony Johnson (171)
Wilson Gouveia (189) vs. Jason MacDonald (184)
Junie Browning (156) vs. Dave Kaplan (156)

UNDERCARD
Shane Primm (202) vs. Krzysztof Soszynski (205)
Jules Bruchez (205) vs. Eliot Marshall (203)
Kyle Kingsbury (205) vs. Tom Lawlor (204)
Shane Nelson (156) vs. George Roop (153)
Roli Delgado (155) vs. John Polakowski (152)

Update from UFC.com: "Gouveia did not make weight and for safety reasons, the Nevada State Athletic Commission won’t allow him to make a second weight cutting attempt. The bout will go on at a catch weight of 189 pounds, and Gouveia will forfeit 20% of his purse to MacDonald." Weigh-in photos are here.

This afternoon I got a chance to meet up with The Ultimate Fighter 8 lightweight finalist Phillipe "The Filipino Assassin" Nover at Fighthouse in New York City. (Coincidentally, this is the gym where I’ve been taking Muay Thai lessons for the last two months. So yeah, I guess you could say I’m pretty badass.) Anyway, Nover was cool enough to chat with me about his match-up with Efrain Escudero at the TUF 8 finale next Saturday, working as a registered nurse, living without bathroom privacy as a reality TV star, and his official prediction for Bader vs. Vinny; he also had a special shout-out for his Filipino fans. Later, he hit pads and rolled with a couple guys from his Team Insight crew, and tried to stay loose despite the fact that we were surrounded by a bunch of dudes with sniper rifles and one guy who was, no shit, wearing a terrorist-style dynamite vest (proof at the end of the video). Never a dull moment at Fighthouse. Thanks to Spike TV for the invite.

(BG)

(Junie would never accept a "Hertz donut" from Efrain ever again.)

During the entire season of The Ultimate Fighter: Team Nogueira vs. Team Mir, lightweight standout Efrain Escudero blogged his reactions to each new episode, right here on CagePotato.com. And wouldn’t you know it, the son-of-a-bitch is going to the finals (congrats, Efrain)! Check out what he has to say about episodes 11 and 12, and let him know how you feel in the comments section.

***

So the day is finally here, the biggest fight of my life. As I’m preparing in my room I just start to think back on how it all started. Who would have thought wrestling in junior high would have turned into this — whooping ass on national television. Since the semi-final matches were announced, everyone was itching to get back in the ring and get their shot at glory.

First, Bader and Elliot fought. Do you guys remember back in earlier episodes I said it wasn’t a good idea for Elliot to call out Bader? Well that was pretty much it; Bader controlled the fight and pretty much just muscled out a victory by decision — so the scoreboard reads Team Nog: 1, Team Mir: 0.

Everything in the house is pretty chill at this point, as these fights are so important; I was in the zone, blocking out everything around me. I could only focus on one thing and that was finishing Junie. The guy just runs his mouth a little too much and all I wanted to do was put my fist in there to close it up.

Now it’s the semis for the other spot in the LW finals — Roop vs. Nover. Now don’t get me wrong, I like George — hell, we have been friends for quite some time before coming on this show. But George got worked. Phillipe came out dropping bombs, the fight then went to the ground and Phillipe worked a Kimura. Phillipe looked pretty good out there. So now the score board reads Team Nog: 2, Team Mir: 0.

Was it me or did anyone else think there hadn’t been a good Junie tantrum in quite some time?? I’m skipping the Krystof vs. Vinny fight. Vinny landed a sick arm-bar, case closed, Team Nog: 2, Team Mir: 1.

Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome back the Junie Browning show. It had been gone way to long — I sure as hell didn’t miss it. So watching the show last night I get to see how terrified Junie actually was, which was hilarious especially when he was trying to give his spot to Shane. It finally hit Junie: HE ISN’T ANY GOOD.

(You can bet that one of these two men went to bed reeking of Bengay and whiskey after this. Click the image to view the video, courtesy of Spike.com)

At long last, the video has surfaced.  Al “Stankie” Stankiewicz and Efrain Escudero lace up the gloves and step in the Octagon.  It starts with a little good-natured ribbing, followed by a very credible Stankie impression by Kyle Kingsbury, and then Efrain finds out the hard way that Stankie isn’t joking about his strong desire to kick some ass one more time.

Say what you will about Stankie’s skills in the cage, but if I can move and punch like that when I’m sixty-seven, I’ll be happy.  Actually, if I’m still alive by then, and if the world has not deteriorated into a post-apocalyptic wasteland where we do battle over watering holes and run from roving packs of wild dogs, that will be enough for me.  

Way to show these young punks what it means to have an enduring warrior spirit, Stankie.  I’d be proud to call you my crazy grandfather figure, if only my actual crazy grandfather wasn’t always banging around up in the attic, yelling about how the neighborhood has gone to hell ever since the Irish moved in.

Related: Stankie, In His Own Words

("Okay, my turn next," said Stankie, taking off his pants.)

Efrain‘s guest blog is going to be a little late this week, but we wanted to get up at least a small post about last night’s TUF double-header so you could discuss it, if you wanted to, in the comments section. Basically, here’s what happened:

Ryan Bader def. Eliot Marshall via boring fucking wrestling
Phillipe Nover def. George Roop via storm/kimura
Vinny Magalhaes def. K-Sos via scary, scary, high-level jiu-jitsu
Efrain Escudero def. Junie Browning via submission (punishment)

Of course, Browning actually competing in his semi-final match was a story in itself. Discouraged by his performance in practice, Browning announced to Frank Mir that he was quitting the competition; Mir had no objection. Back at the house, Browning threw a coffee mug at Shane Primm and started swinging at him. When the dust settled, Dana White stopped by to play psychologist, asked the guys if they wanted to kick Junie off or beat him off — we’d assume that Tom Lawlor voted "beat him off" — and convinced Junie to stay. Oh, and the best part? Junie is going to be on the main card of the TUF 8 finale, solely on the basis of being a ridiculous head-case. (Fittingly, he’ll be fighting Dave Kaplan, the runner-up to Junie’s reality-show dumbass crown.)

For the record, Junie places most of the blame for his loss to Efrain on having awful cardio. As he writes in his final blog entry for UFC.com:

Reminder: Bounce to Spike TV directly after WEC 37 tonight for the final two episodes of The Ultimate Fighter: Team Nogueira vs. Team Mir, which will feature all four of the season’s semi-final matchups. They will be:

Efrain Escudero vs. Junie Browning (LW)
Phillipe Nover vs. George Roop (LW)
Ryan Bader vs. Eliot Marshall (LHW)
K-Sos vs. Vinny Magalhaes (LHW)

Some TUF fans claim to have already seen a promo on Spike that inadvertently spoiled the results. (Only click this link if you dig potential spoilers.) In other UFC news…

— MMA Mania reports that a lightweight bout between Kurt Pellegrino and Rob Emerson is in the works for Ultimate Fight Night 17 (February 7th, Las Vegas). Both men are coming off wins, with Pellegrino most recently defeating Thiago Tavares by decision at UFC 88, and Emerson scoring a 12-second knockout of Manny Gamburyan at UFC 87. Emerson has gone 6-0 with one no-contest in his last seven fights — not bad for a guy who started his MMA career with a 2-6 record.

(John Polakowski has the best bro-clinch in the game.)

In this week of The Ultimate Fighter it was the last fight before the semi-finals. We are getting down to the wire. The two guys who are fighting, John Polakowski and George Roop, are both real good friends of mine. Me and George go way back since the Arizona days; John is just a guy I met in the house but how can you not like him? He just loves life. Him and his hugs, and you gotta love his saying “FIRE THE CANNONS!!!!”

Before the fight everyone is expecting a prank but who would do it to which guy first? They decided to pull the prank on John and his Lucky Charms. That was a mistake!! I thought it was hilarious due to the fact that they took the time to remove every marshmallow from the box. After all, they are the best part. John was pissed. He announced no more hugs for the blue team — he means business. He is like a man possessed. During training I’d been working with John on his wrestling. I know George has some good ground game so I wanted to help out my teammate.

During George’s training with Team Mir, he got his hand caught up in the cage and it was fucked up. It looked like a surgical balloon had been blown up. George is a tough dude so I knew he would be out there anyway. I thought this would give a definite advantage to John. Closer to fight time John started to become his old self again, and decided that he and George would hug before the fight. This was hilarious — I personally wouldnt be able to do that, especially with the guy standing in the way of a six-figure contract to the UFC. But hey, that’s John for you.

(Come on now, Antonio, that simply isn’t true.)

Let the drunken debauchery begin again. After Dave Kaplan’s fight, Tom Lawlor decided to get drunk with Kaplan. They began to drink each other’s piss, which in itself is just disgusting. But these guys were downing them like shots of tequila. The sad thing is they did not even show the grossest part. Kyle Kingsbury took a plate and a towel into the bathroom and came out with nice big hot steamy Lincoln Log on a platter. He told the guys he would give some cash to whoever eats it. Tom held a piece up to his mouth but couldn’t go through with it. The pot kept getting bigger with us all chipping in, but no one went through with it. I hope they put that on the DVD…GOOD TIMES.

To quote Smokey from Friday — Kaplan “got knocked the Fuck out, Man!” That was even funnier watching it than hearing about it. Kaplan is an extremely smart guy but sometimes I question his intelligence by first asking for someone to “try” and knock him out. Second for not admitting that he got knocked out knowing full well it was on camera. There is one issue with Kaplan and that is he will not admit when he is wrong. He’s a bit delusional. He can’t get knocked out, he is the best looking guy in the house, and he gets more chicks than anybody. The list could go on.

The prank on Krzysztof Soszynski was pretty funny and only fitting since he initiated the pranks-before-fights ritual. It didn’t take much time for us to put all the stuff in his room. It was funny to see that his teammates didn’t help. His prank in return actually made his team upset too. It must have taken a lot of time but everybody in the house was affected. Krzysztof had to take all the stuff in himself.

(Kind of a strange thing to ask someone on the way to the grocery store.)

Last night’s episode of the Ultimate Fighter was one of the more foul shows airing on this week’s television lineup. By this time in the house everyone was getting tired of each other and going a bit insane, so of course since there is nothing better to do, the pranksters in us start to come out. For a few days now Lawlor had been getting these fruit platters delivered to him. So we decided it would be a good idea to eat it all before he got a chance to have any. Everyday we would get back from practice, rush to the fridge, and grab Lawlor’s fruit, and I must say it was delicious. This was no ordinary fruit platter…this was Tom Lawlor’s fruit haha.

This was going on a for a few days and Lawlor wasn’t too happy. So while we were at practice Lawlor decided it was time for a little revenge. We all had come to an understanding while in the house and agreed to not mess with each other’s food. Lawlor was thinking like a lawyer on this kind of revenge, finding a work around. Nowhere did we say you couldn’t mess with your own food, so that’s what he did. The blue team went a few rounds pissing in the fruit tray. So after our practice we got back to the house and opened the fridge and there it was, so Bader got the tray, took it up to the room and a few of the guys went to town on it. They were eating piss fruit.

I would like to set the record straight I DID NOT EAT ANY OF THE FRUIT WITH PISS IN IT!!!! Let me repeat: I DID NOT EAT ANY OF THE FRUIT WITH THE PISS IN IT!! The editors did a hell of a job making it look that way, but if you notice the fruit I was eating was not in the same room. I guess that’s why SPIKE pays those guys well, but one more time I did not eat piss fruit haha. Philippe was pretty disgusted by it. Kingsbury wasn’t bothered by it — he was cracking jokes. It was pretty funny since it didn’t happen to me.

(Two dudes from Stockton, let’s call them the Diaz brothers, just for the sake of argument.)

Thanks to everyone who submitted a question for Ask the Potato in our easy-to-use, fun and free forums. We chose a few we liked and decided to drop to some knowledge on you. If your question isn’t answered this time around, it could be because we plan to answer it in the next edition, or it could be because we don’t care about your stupid question. Either way, feel free to submit as many questions as you like, and we’ll get to you eventually.

If there was a guy from Stockton, let’s call him Nick, that wanted to fight another guy from Stockton, let’s call him Nate, which guy would show up and be the bigger gangster? — Knightrida
BG: That’s a very good question, Knightrida. Obviously both of these guys would show up and be gangster as fuck. In the absence of any other information about who these gentlemen could possibly be, I’d have to call the fight a draw, but I’d assume that one of the two would be younger, and kind of strange-looking, and would speak with a near-indecipherable lisp. After the fight ended, each fighter would try to assault the father of the other one. All audience members would personally have middle fingers shoved into their faces — otherwise known as the “Stockton Heybuddy.” The arena would be burned to the ground in triumph.

(Big Nog puts it as gently as he can.)

Watching The Ultimate Fighter, sometimes it’s hard to tell whether it’s all clever editing that makes some people/teams look like the bad guys. But this extra footage from last night’s show has me thinking that no, Team Mir really is the evil team.

After the fight we see Jules Bruchez looking downtrodden while Vinny Magalhaes is asking, with regards to Octagon girl Arianny Celeste, “Can anybody get her number?” No, Vinny. Not anybody. Then we go inside each team’s locker room after the fight. Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira tries to help Jules understand what the hell just happened to him, while Frank Mir jokes with Vinny and the gang about breaking Jules’ arm. You know, just for laughs.

I’m not saying that Team Mir are all bad people, but if this were an 80′s teen movie, I think we all know which team would be the mean-spirited bunch who gets their comeuppance in the end, and which would be the lovable losers with the hearts of gold who persevere despite the long odds. And can’t you just imagine Nogueira smiling and laughing his way through the training montage while a Bonnie Tyler song blares?

(Does that look infected to you? Photo courtesy of myspace.com/allen_browning)

Following in the footsteps of fighters like Mac Danzig and Amir Sadollah, Junie Browning is the latest Ultimate Fighter notable to re-focus his training at Xtreme Couture in Las Vegas. MMA Weekly has confirmed that Browning started training with the camp about a week and a half ago, and so far he hasn’t tried to throw training equipment into the hot tub or jump off the roof:

“He’s been very quiet in the gym, there’s been no antics, there’s been no nothing,” [Randy] Couture said. “He shows up everyday and straps his gloves on and gets his work done.”

In other words, he’s functioning like a normal person, which is quite an achievement for the Kentucky native. At any rate, he’ll be whipped into shape by the team at XC, which includes UFC lightweights Tyson Griffin and Gray Maynard — who hopefully haven’t taken Junie’s “boring fucking wrestlers” comments too personally.

Related: Junie’s latest TUF blog for UFC.com is up, where he discusses the wave of interviews he had to do last week, Team Nog’s family-vibe, and the Jules/Vinny scrap (“To be honest, I don’t think Jules could have won a fight at 155″).

During this week of The Ultimate Fighter, we start off with the Junie fight recap. This guy ran his mouth and couldn’t finish Rolando. In my eyes Rolando could have beat Junie if he would have kept behind his jab. I really wanted to jump the cage and ask him how it feels!!! I had to stop myself because knowing Junie he would have gone absolutely crazy, but oh well, I’ll just have to wait and see what the semi-finals have in store for me.

We started having some fun in practice, even though our practices were always different. We played some games on couple of the days which made me forget about fighting for a while. It reminded me that I was there to enjoy my time there and train hard; there is a time to have fun and a time to work. I really needed it at the time. Meanwhile the other team continued to get upset at us because we were enjoying ourselves and they were miserable.

Then we have Coach Nogueira’s birthday. He could have gone out and had a great time — after all, it is Las Vegas — but he decided to come to the house and hang out with us. We cooked dinner and baked him a cake which was a pretty good time I was glad I could be a part of it, and you see that it really meant a lot to him. Once again the blue team hated on us for this. Let’s face it, that’s all they know how to do at this point. In the house guys talk, that’s a given, but then Vinny started saying that he was better on the ground than Coach Nogueria!!! Word got out to Nogueira, and he didn’t take to it kindly. Coach confronted Vinny, which caused a big scene around the house. Me personally, I would never say that about any of my coaches because I think that my coach is there to help me; not for me to prove anything.

CagePotato reader Brian W. just turned us on to the hard-hitting investigative journalism of Chicago-based sports website Mouthpiece Sports, which works in some solid MMA coverage between the Bears/Bulls/Cubs/Sox/B’hawks stories. Here’s a sampling of their work; Diego Sanchez, Miguel Torres, and Dana White talk fighter groupies in the video above, Tyler Bryan discusses his web-legendary double-knockout with Shaun Parker in the video below, and we get a look at some of the knuckleheads we might be seeing on TUF 9 after the jump. “Plubicity” FTW.

Junie finally got to fight this week. He had been talking all this crap about Rolando Delgado not making it out of the first round. At first I thought this was by the far the dumbest thing I had heard all season, but Junie is good at making people get that impression. At the house people started questioning Roli’s black belt. I didn’t need to question the man — he wouldn’t be here if he wasn’t legit. During the fight announcement Junie brought a black belt with him, and decided it would be cool for the cameras to throw it at Rolando’s face and then spit on it. I couldn’t believe this. It was very disrespectful not only to Rolando but to everyone who has worked for that belt. I don’t have a belt but I know people out there who live behind theirs, and to spit on it is ridiculous. Even Anderson Silva was there and when I was talking to him he was telling me that he disliked Junie. I don’t know about you, but if I found out that Anderson didn’t like me I wouldn’t want to make him mad.

Now back at the house, Junie wouldn’t shut his mouth talking about how good he was and that Rolando wouldn’t have a chance. I think he was trying to get into Roli’s head and at some point I was thinking that he was, but Rolando took it very well and just went with it. Junie is the type of guy that wants to be talked about no matter what you’re saying about him; he just wants to be remembered. So weigh-ins arrive and Junie was having a hard time making weight. I started tell Rolando to look at Junie and told him he’s going to be weak tomorrow because he’s really hurting to make weight. Finally he made weight, and I was happy for him because I wanted to see if he could really back all that shit up.

As we see in the latest installment of his video blog, Dana White was still in England yesterday, presiding over the London tryouts of The Ultimate Fighter: U.S. vs. U.K. 175 limey scrappers showed up (or “over 200,” depending on when you ask Dana), up from about 30 the last time they held open auditions there. This is actually the first TUF tryout footage I’ve ever seen, and it was an interesting behind-the-scenes look — particularly for Dana’s speech before the grappling portion, in which he told the guys that there’s no shame in tapping, but “no heel-hooks, no slams, no crazy shit.” It’s a safe, nurturing environment, in other words. Also, Michael Bisping stops by to show Dana his grody ear.

Related: MMA Weekly reports that the weight-classes featured on TUF 9 will actually be lightweights (again) and welterweights, not middleweights and welterweights as previously announced; no reason for the change has been given yet.

(Mo’ money, mo’ unfulfilled expectations.)

You can’t say Dana White didn’t warn Brandon Vera. His comments before UFC 89 suggested that it was time for “The Truth” to justify his high price tag. He didn’t, and so White is turning up the heat on him with remarks like these:

“I’m not seeing what I expected from Brandon Vera. It’s like he’s lost something. He doesn’t have that killer instinct since he took that year off. He doesn’t go after people. He used to be so cocky. He wanted to fight everybody.

“We tried to get him on one of the seasons of The Ultimate Fighter and he turned that down and said he wanted to fight Chuck Liddell and that he would knock him out. I hear that seven days a week so I told him to go on TUF and we’d find out how good he was.

“He was good. He used to walk through heavyweights earlier in his career. But he took a year off and we had all the issues with his contract and he hasn’t been the same since. I don’t know what’s wrong with him.”

It’s not exactly shocking to hear Dana White go after a guy who held him over the coals in contract negotiations and has since failed to live up to expectations. In a way, it seems justified. The UFC agreed to his six-figure demands based on his past performances and what they saw as his future potential. Lately he’s looked like a bad investment.

But being badmouthed in public by your boss, both before and after the fight, that’s got to sting. Especially when he goes on to compare you unfavorably to other guys who lost on the same night:

(They don’t call him “Handsome Dan” for nothing. Photo courtesy of CombatLifestyle.)

Sherdog has confirmed that Michael Bisping’s next opponent — and his rival coach on the next season of The Ultimate Fighter — will be the winner of the Rich Franklin/Dan Henderson fight at UFC 93 (January 17th; Dublin, Ireland). TUF‘s “U.S. vs. U.K.” season will feature middleweights and welterweights, and is slated to premiere in April ’09.

Though a win against either Ace or Hendo could qualify Bisping for an immediate title shot against Anderson Silva (or Patrick Cote, LOL) — and wins against Franklin and Bisping could earn Henderson a rematch with the Spider — you have to wonder what’s in it for Rich Franklin. Let’s say he becomes the U.S. coach for TUF 9. He’ll have to drop back down to middleweight to fight Michael Bisping at the end of the season, but if he beats Bisping, it’s not like he’ll move any closer to a third middleweight title shot against Silva. He’ll just return to 205, with his standing in that division no higher than it was in the first place. Could it be that Ace just needs another Hummer to auction off?

(Team Nog smears sardines on the hearts that Tom Lawlor spent all week airbrushing. Seriously, though, what is up with this goddamned room? Does Abigail Breslin live in the TUF house too?)

During this week of The Ultimate Fighter you all got to see the final reaction with Junie jumping the cage and calling me out. What a disaster. Upon coming on to the show I knew that I had to be calm and level-headed. There was no way in hell I would throw my career away for a stupid fight over pride. That was the only thing that was going through my head when he jumped the cage. So I just kept cool and collected and no hard feelings — after all, it’s just Junie.

After that episode of Junie TV, I decided to continue being me and doing what I was doing. So I put on my smirk. After my fight with Shane the guys pulled a prank on me and put my underwear in the freezer. Which at the time I thought was pretty funny, nothing but a harmless prank. The Red Team and I searched high and low all over that place, and finally found them in the bottom of the freezer. Good one, ha-ha, but soon things escalated and went a little further. They put itching powder on the Red Team’s beds which was horrible. After a long day and an even longer hunt for my underwear all I wanted to do was sleep — then my body starts to itch along with Kyle and some of the other guys. Needless to say we were upset. Messing with a fighters underwear is one thing but messing with his sleep…not cool.

After that it was time to hit the old laundry room. It took me about an hour to get my sheets clean and I was pretty pissed about that. After the itching powder scene, Kyle and the gang decided to get sardines and put them all over the Blue Team’s room. It smelled horrible. Mir’s team gets home and they were not very happy about it, especially Vinny. Vinny definitely took it the wrong way and for some reason I got the worst end of it. The man PISSED on my pillow. To be completely honest it was not a big deal for me, it was like whatever. Once again I have to make sure I keep my head — no way I am going to blow my shot at the UFC. I just ordered a new pillow, no worries. However, just the fact that he pissed on my pillow was pretty bad in itself. I decided not to retaliate and stay focused on my game plan.

(The people’s philosopher.)

When it comes to getting drunk and going crazy on The Ultimate Fighter, Chris Leben is sort of like the Neil Armstrong of the field. He did it first, when no one even knew whether it could be done, and so forever after people wanted to know what his thoughts were when other people did it. The difference is that while Armstrong stayed pretty involved and interested in the space program (God, this is a terrible analogy), Leben says he doesn’t really keep up with new installments of TUF. Which is why he might be forgiven for getting a little frustrated when asked about Junie Browning’s drunken freakouts during a media conference call to promote UFC 89:

You know, every time someone gets drunk on that show I get called by one of my friends who says, ‘You know, this guy reminds me of you. He was drunk and out of hand.’ You know, a house full of fighters…I got a saying, fighters are like strippers, they ain’t paying their way through college. What I mean by that is we all got a bunch of problems and skeletons in the closet.

Here’s my question: does Chris Leben have any sayings that don’t involve strippers? This is the same guy who, during the first season, coined the phrase, “I’ll come in smelling like booze and dirty strippers and still put the stamp on kids!”

Not that it wasn’t awesome, and not that his stripper/fighter analogy isn’t many times better than my Leben/Armstrong analogy, but dammit, comparing fighters and strippers seems like it isn’t doing either group too many favors.

(The glory before the fall. Photo courtesy of UFC.com.)

TUF 8 lightweight Shane Nelson was eliminated from competition on last night’s “Ultimate Fighter,” but not before a night of drinking with Junie Allen Browning turned into a near expulsion for the two. Now Nelson talks with CagePotato.com and reflects on the drunken debauchery, the rivalry with Efrain Escudero, and some of the antics of his blonde friend that he saw for the first time in last night’s episode.

CagePotato: Now that you’ve seen it on TV, what did you think of the way the situation with you and Junie was portrayed? Was that how you remember it?

Nelson: Yeah, it was pretty much what it seems on TV. Basically we were watching the pay-per-view, we decided to have a couple of drinks, we had one too many drinks, and then things got out of control from there. What they didn’t show and which I thought they would show, was the next morning when I woke up I went to Delgado and Efrain and I apologized to them and we all put everything behind us. I’m surprised that they left that part out of the show.

Did Dana White come and talk to you guys the very next night after it happened?

Yeah, Dana White came and talked to us the very next night, but the fight wasn’t the next day after Dana talked to us. The fight was about five days after that whole night. So it wasn’t like the drinking still had an effect on me in the fight.

What was going through your mind when Dana showed up?

Oh, we thought we were gone. Junie and I both thought we were getting kicked off the show, because when we first got there the producers stressed that we weren’t allowed to touch anyone or anything like that, and we both crossed that line. I pushed two people and Junie took a swing at a few people, so we both thought we were going home for sure.

So how did things start between you and Efrain?

Well, we were watching the fights and, I’m from B.J. [Penn]’s school, and they all knew that. So we were watching the pay-per-view and common courtesy, you know, if you make comments about my coach, you know it’s going to bother me. He was cheering for Sean Sherk, which is fine, but some of the comments he made while he was cheering for him got under my skin and that’s how me and him got into it.

(Believe it or not, this is how AZ rolls, baby, all day.)

Every Thursday, Team Nogueira member Efrain Escudero blogs his reactions to each new episode of The Ultimate Fighter, exclusively on CagePotato.com. Don’t forget to check out the new fan section on EfrainEscudero.com, where you can interact with other EE fans and Efrain himself.

***

During this week of The Ultimate Fighter we had a lot of drama. First we were watching UFC 84: ILL WILL, and it was the only time we get to see television the entire time we are there. Junie and Shane start drinking, and I mean drinking. Since we’ve been in the house we have noticed that when Junie drinks we have to be on the look out and watch each other’s backs because he tries to fight us. Right after the angry Junie comes the crying Junie, and we don’t understand why.

As the fights continue I try to get Shane mad by telling him that BJ Penn was going to lose. I knew that wasn’t going to happen, but I just wanted to make it an exciting fight, and try to get Shane more excited about watching BJ win. That was not the smartest thing I could have done because he had been drinking and he was teaming up with Junie, so I knew it wasn’t going to be pretty. As the night progresses, Junie tries to fight with Kyle. I don’t know why he would ever try to even attempt that because Kyle would kick his ass if it really came down to it. So Junie throws a glass at Kyle and the damn thing breaks and cuts him. Luckily for Kyle it didn’t cut him badly and even luckier for Junie, Kyle could restrain himself.

Junie, Junie, Junie. [*shakes head*]

Last night’s episode of The Ultimate Fighter started with the guys peacefully watching UFC 84, you know, just minding their own business. We see several highlights of Lyoto Machida beating up on Tito Ortiz. (So Dana White edits this show too? Impressive.) Inevitably, the evening is ruined by Junie Allen Goddamned Browning, who goes through a few bottles of chardonnay with Shane Nelson. Junie starts screwing with Team Nogueira, throws his drink in Kyle Kingsbury’s face, and then the glass, which breaks and cuts KK’s arm. This creates the major engine in the episode’s drama: Junie becomes convinced that he’s getting kicked out of the house for injuring his housemate, so he might as well self-destruct completely.

Shane Nelson, who “has the alcohol tolerance of a 12-year-old girl,” starts harassing Ryan Bader, then Roli Delgado, then Efrain Escudero; he shoves Roli and Efrain, trying to bait one of them into a fight, but they keep their respective cools. Junie and Shane are the Toxic Twins, feeding off each other’s bullshit, doing their best to out-do the other. They start throwing furniture into the pool.

Eventually, the other guys go outside to observe the damage. Junie gets in K-Sos’s face. “I wish y’all were my size,” he says to the light-heavyweights. K-Sos, the passive-aggressive prankster, gently places Junie’s clothes in the pool after he dives in. When Junie finds them, he’s understandably upset. K-Sos, unlike his last prank on light-heavyweight Ryan Bader, claims ownership for this one. Junie calls him a bitch. K-Sos calmly explains, “You’re the bitch. You are the biggest bitch of them all.” Bader throws Junie’s stuff back in the pool, and Junie drags him in, then kicks Tom LOL’er when him and Bader are pulled out. After a while, he cools off and tells everyone how much he likes them. What a bitch.

(Click the image to watch the video; photo courtesy of UFC.com.)

MMA Payout passes along the bad news that Wednesday’s episode of The Ultimate Fighter drew a 0.8 rating, making it the lowest-rated episode in the show’s history. (“The program drew quarter hours of 0.80, 0.66, 0.79, and 0.90.”) Who knows if Junie Allen Browning’s train-wreck antics will attract more people to the show or repel them, but it’s clear that his little storyline is going to get even more outrageous next week. Check out the TUF preview clip linked above, which shows Junie and his tremendous set of balls dragging Ryan Bader into the pool, kicking Tom Lawlor, and shoving Bas Rutten-lookalike K-Sos. Sure, Tom’s a total pussy, but I wouldn’t fuck with those other two unless I had a death wish. Of course, the reason that his housemates don’t murder the wee bastard is because they don’t want to jeopardize the opportunity they’ve been given to be on the show. What a concept…

Previously: Junie Browning ‘Somewhat Embarassed’ by TUF Behavior

Every Thursday morning, Team Nogueira member Efrain Escudero will give his reactions to each new episode of The Ultimate Fighter on CagePotato.com. Here’s what he had to say about last night’s installment, from the team-picking to the drunken drama.

***

After Dana sent the losing fighters home, we piled into the vans and made our first trip into the house. This was a great moment not only for me but also for the other 15 guys. When we walked into the house we were jacked. This isn’t some ordinary house — this place is LEGIT. We all took a look around and then rushed to pick our beds. I must say we were pretty slick to get a room on the bottom floor so when we’re tired from training or a night of boozing we don’t need to be struggling up a bunch of stairs. At this point I was still very happy, because I was a big fan of The Ultimate Fighter from the beginning and now I’m in the house where it all started. At this point we start bonding with one another — people start talking shit, joking around, just trying to break the ice and get a feel for each other.

After touring the house we go to the training center where Dana kicks Karn and Brian out due to injury. Brian’s injury was unexpected; on the other hand Karn was an idiot because he wanted to go to the doctor after they told him “Hey, your hand is ok!” He asked for a second opinion, and now he gets kicked out. GOOD JOB BUDDY, NEXT TIME THEY SAY IT’S OK THEN THAT MEANS IT’S OK. After that they brought back Kyle Kingsbury, and I was glad because he had a tough fight to get into the house. I really like Kyle — he’s a nice guy who loves to have fun, so why wouldn’t I like him? Now I have to thank Karn because if it wasn’t for him and his second opinion Kyle wouldn’t be with us in the house.

The second time we went to the training center for the team picks, Frank Mir was talking to Bader and I, telling us that he’ll be taking his team out to the river to go shooting and all these cool things, so at that point I wanted to be in his team; it sounded like fun. Ryan and I ended up getting picked by Nogueira, but I really didn’t care because I was ready to get after it.

(G’night, Tom.)

In last night’s episode of The Ultimate Fighter, teams were picked, hearts were broken, underwear was shrink-wrapped, gallons of alcohol were consumed, and the first light-heavyweight got knocked out of contention. Let’s get to it…

The show starts and Junie is drinking already. We get the first (ever?) glimpse of the TUF liquor closet, where quality is made up for with quantity. K-Sos, despite his intimidating appearance, is presented as one of the good guys of the house — a steak-sharer, not a street-fighter.

Brian McLaughlin and Karn Grigoryan, who sustained nose-fractures in their elimination matches, are slapped with 180-day suspensions from the NSAC and are ordered to go home. They hang around the gym in shock until Dana breaks the silence with “Go ‘head guys, you gotta walk out the door there.” Kyle Kingsbury, who looked sharp in his opening-round loss to Ryan Bader, is brought back to replace Grigoryan. Brian will be replaced by a mystery lightweight who flew home before he could be called back again.

Frank Mir wins the coin toss, and opts for first fighter pick. The picks shake out like this…

Mir: K-Sos, Vinny Magalhaes, Eliot Marshall, Tom Lawlor, Junie Browning, Shane Nelson, Dave Kaplan, George Roop
Nog: Ryan Bader, Shane Primm, Kyle Kingsbury, Jules Bruchez, Phillipe Nover, Efrain Escudero, John “Huggy Bear” Polakowski, Mr. X