(“Like Miesha, Poirier will get to have his cake and eat it too.”)

It looks like the best way to get the UFC’s attention these days is to call out an opponent on Twitter.

Dustin Poirier mentioned via Twitter two days ago that he would like a fight with “The Korean Zombie.” Today UFC officials announced that the pair will square off in the main event of UFC on Fuel 3 May 15 at the Patriot Center in Fairfax, Virginia.

(Are you there God? It’s me, Cowboy…)

A lot of fight booking action today, Potato Nation.

Before dropping a unanimous decision to Nate Diaz at UFC 141, Donald “Cowboy” Cerrone had arguably the best 2011 of any fighter out there, scoring victories over Paul Kelly, Vagner Rocha, Charles Oliveira, and Dennis Siver, three of which came by way of stoppage. And although he ended the year on a loss, Cerrone will be looking to start off 2012 with a big win when he takes on 60 fight veteran Yves Edwards at UFC on FX 3, which goes down at the Patriot Center in Fairfax, Virginia on May 15th.

After suffering one of the most brutal knockout losses of 2011 at the hands of Sam Stout, Edwards has gone 1-1 in the UFC, picking up a second round TKO over Rafaello Oliveira at UFC Live 6 before being outpointed by TUF 13 winner Tony Ferguson at the TUF 14 Finale in December. Edwards will likely be a considerable underdog going into this one, so Yves, for the sake of the Thugjitsu nation, lay off the KC Masterpiece.

And in other UFC on FX news…

Vera can’t stand to even look at that “Juice Monkey“. (Pic: MMAFighting.com)

The report we filed two days ago on the Brandon Vera-Thiago Silva grudge match is already woefully out of date. According to “The Truth”, he was so eager to ‘welcome’ Silva back to the Octagon that he jumped the gun and accepted the rematch before discussing the bout with his coaches or doctors. A consultation with his physician revealed that he wouldn’t be recovered from an injury in time for the May 15^th fight.

The bad blood stems back to their UFC 125 bout. Silva showed incredible disrespect toward Vera, bitch slapping him repeatedly before playing him like a pair of bloody bongos. The humiliating loss earned Vera his walking papers, at least until he was un-fired when Silva’s post-fight urine sample tested positive for steroids.

Silva eventually copped to ‘roiding and was himself slapped with a hefty fine and one-year suspension. The rematch with Vera, scheduled to go down on the UFC on FX 3 card, would have been his first fight back from that suspension. Following a successful nose transplant, Vera rebounded with a unanimous decision win over Eliott Marshall at UFC 137, but he’ll now spend a little more time on the sidelines. Zuffa is currently looking for an alternate dance partner for the Brazilian.

(Dude. Don’t even get me started about mustard water. / Props: hypeordie)

After knocking out Christian Morecraft at UFC on FX 1 last month, Pat Barry has booked his next fight. The heavyweight kickboxer will face Lavar Johnson on the main card of UFC on FOX 3, May 5th in New Jersey, which will officially be headlined by a five-round lightweight contest between Nate Diaz and Jim Miller.

Lavar Johnson scored the Knockout of the Night during last weekend’s UFC on FOX 2 card, by smashing Joey Beltran in the first round of their preliminary card meeting. The win snapped a two-fight losing streak that Johnson had carried over from his stint in Strikeforce. His upcoming scrap with Barry seems like a way for the UFC to guarantee some much-needed excitement for their next FOX broadcast. As for Barry, it’s an opportunity to bump his UFC record over .500 and secure back-to-back victories for the first time in his UFC career.

In other May booking news…

(Steve Mazzagatti never could decide when it was the right time to pull the old hat-over-the-eyes prank.) 

In an interview Monday during The MMA Hour with Ariel Helwani, recently re-signed UFC light heavyweight Brandon “The Truth” Vera had some less than positive things to say about the last man he faced in the octagon, Thiago Silva.

It has been nearly 10 months since Vera and Silva threw down at UFC 125: Resolution, with Silva coming away the victor by unanimous decision and handing Vera his walking papers. However, when the drug tests came back, it was revealed that Silva had altered the results of his urine in an effort to mask the steroids he had been taking for back pain. Silva was then fined over 33 grand for the incident, and suspended a year. Vera was invited back to the UFC, and is fighting for the first time since the incident against Elliot Marshall at UFC 137, barring any last second injuries.

When asked about the Silva fight, Vera lived up to his nickname, not holding any of his feelings back in regards to Silva.

(“I’m pissed. That son of a bitch sold me a six pack of that shit and said it was the good stuff.”)

UFC light heavyweight Thiago Silva won’t be able to fight again until at least January 1, 2012, and he will be $33,750 lighter in the wallet and will have one less win on his record when he finally returns to competition.

Silva was handed the hefty suspension and fine and had the result of his UFC 125 win over Brandon Vera changed to a “no-contest”after admitting in a hearing with the Nevada State Athletic Commission today that he used steroids and tried to mask his wrongdoing by providing a synthetic urine sample he purchased online for his pre-fight drug screen.

(“Phew…They didn’t catch me.”)

When word got out yesterday that Thiago Silva gave the Nevada State Athletic Commission a non-human urine sample following his UFC 125 win over Brandon Vera in January, everyone expected the American Top Team fighter to follow in the footsteps of predecessors like Josh Barnett, Royce Gracie and Sean Sherk and deny any wrongdoing.

Well, in spite of his attempt at skirting NSAC rules, Silva has proven himself to be a bigger man than they are (and no, we’re not talking about the commission’s recent claim that it will be hiring a professional hogwatcher) by admitting he screwed up.

In a statement he sent MMAJunkie today, Silva admits that he tampered with the test by using a “urine adulterant,” meaning a chemical compound that cases dirty urine to register a false negative reading when tested. There are several products on the marked that claim to beat drug tests and even “clean” synthetic urine that can be purchased online for such purposes.

Before we get into a pissing contest about who knows more about the science of beating urine tests, check out Silva’s explanation after the jump.

(That’s the face of a man who values his privacy. Photoprops: Esther Lin/Strikeforce)

You know, when I woke up this morning, I never expected to read a news story involving Kevin Randleman‘s possibly-fake penis. But unfortunately, I did — and since I can’t get that horrible image out of my head, you’re going to have to hear about it too. Here’s Nevada State Athletic Commission Executive Director Keith Kizer talking to MMAJunkie about the infamous Randleman-at-PRIDE 32 situation, which was the last time that his commission’s testing body has been burned by fake urine:

Kizer said Randleman’s deception began with the collection of his sample.

“What he did was he grabbed the inner-thigh of his shorts, kind of pulled it open, stuck out what we thought was the tip of his penis – it was the same color as the rest of his skin – and then urinated in the cup and gave it to our inspector,” he said…

(Ed. note: See, for me, that “same color as the rest of his skin” bit would be a dead giveaway. Everybody knows that wiener-skin is a shade darker than the rest of the guy it’s attached to. Come on, where were these NSAC guys licensed, anyway? Moving on…)

(Not so fast, buddy: Silva’s big win could cost him dearly. Photoprops: MMAGospel)

Reports about Thiago Silva‘s sketchy UFC 125 drug test results have been swirling since last month, and were allegedly the cause for Silva’s removal from a slated bout with Quinton Jackson at UFC 130, as well as Brandon Vera’s sudden un-firing. And even though Silva’s camp promised us that the light-heavyweight’s drug test would come back normal, the Nevada State Athletic Commission is telling a different story today. As the NSAC confirmed with FightersOnly and MMAJunkie, Silva is being accused of supplying a urine sample that was not from a human source.

(“Oh God! His tiny, shriveled balls are digging into my back!” / Photo courtesy of MMA Weekly)

After taking his third-straight loss against a bitch-slappin’ Thiago Silva at UFC 125 on New Year’s Day, light-heavyweight Brandon Vera was given his walking papers by the promotion. But according to FiveOuncesofPain and MMAJunkie, the UFC has had a change of heart, and has reinstated Vera’s contract. The reason for the flip-flop seems to be Silva’s mysterious drug test from that fight, which is still under scrutiny by the Nevada State Athletic Commission. The result of the Vera/Silva bout is expected to be changed to a “no contest,” and Silva will be facing a fine and suspension if the reports are accurate.

Last week, Vera went on The Ryan Loco Show and responded to the recent rumors of Silva’s ‘roid-usage. As he explained, it wouldn’t surprise him, and he wants revenge:

(We just can’t stay mad at this guy. PicProps: MMA Space)
Not to distract you from your busy morning of eulogizing Fedor Emelianenko, but we feel compelled to remind everyone that Scott Coker isn’t the only MMA impresario who woke up Monday with a pounding headache. Remember that when we left the UFC last Friday, the butterfly effect from Rashad Evans’ knee injury was causing near-seismic shifts in the vaunted light heavyweight division? Yeah, we don’t think that got solved over the weekend.

Let’s see if we can get this goddamned soap opera straight: Evans tweaked his knee a couple weeks ago and instead of pushing his scheduled title bout with Mauricio “Shogun” Rua back a few months to give Rashad time to rehab, Dana White took a flamethrower to the entire 205-pound title picture. In one fell swoop he gave Evans’ title shot to Jon Jones, pulled Quinton “Rampage” Jackson out of a scheduled fight with Thiago Silva at UFC 130 and quashed entirely the idea of having Matt Hamill fight Phil Davis at UFC 129. Smooth move, guy. Now the matchup merry-go-round is whirling out of control and everybody is pissed.

(“What was in that drink your cornerman gave me at the weigh-ins? It made me feel stronger than ever, bro.”)

As reports surfaced yesterday that a planned UFC 130 bout between Quinton Jackson and Thiago Silva was inexplicably scrapped and that Rashad Evans would instead face “Rampage” on the May 28 card, rumors started swirling why the Brazilian had been yanked from the card.

In an interview with TATAME yesterday, Silva attempted to quash speculation that his post-UFC 125 urine sample was the one that Nevada State Athletic Commission Keith Kizer was speaking of when he told MMAJunkie that one fighter’s specimen was being closely examined after an anomaly was detected.

“Injured? Me? I’m very healthy. That’s not true. It looks like [NSAC] did two tests and one was positive and the other was negative,” he explained. “My blood is clean. I’m not worried. I took nothing.”

MMAJunkie went on to report later in the day yesterday that each of the other 11 fighters’s samples that were tested following the January 1 show came back clean, and that Kizer admitted that Silva was the only other fighter tested that night, which is basically admitting that Silva is the alleged wrongdoer.

("Here Brandon, I’ll play you out of the UFC with a drum solo.")

When Thiago Silva decided to showboat a little by playing the bongos on Brandon Vera’s back during their UFC 125 bout, UFC light heavyweight contender Jon Jones took to Twitter to voice his disapproval.

"Wow that slapping was so disrespectful.. id love to give him a slap in the face," Jones wrote.

During an interview with MMAFighting.com, "Bones" explained his reaction to Silva’s grandstanding.

"It kind of bugged me, only because we all fight, and just losing alone is humiliating enough. It’s embarrassing. … Think about all the people who watched those fights. All [the Brandon Vera] fans, all the members at his school, all the kids that look up to him. Man, it just kind of rubbed me the wrong way," he explained. "It’s not something I would ever want done to me and it’s not something I would ever do to someone else. … There’s ways of looking for an opening besides playing pattycake on a guy’s back."

In a recent Q&A with Tatame, Silva attempted to explain why he pulled the seemingly disrespectful stunt.

("I’ll take Gilbert Godfried for the win, Joe." PicProps: UFC.com)

Those of you who were paying attention to Phil Davis’ Twitter account this week (and really, why wouldn’t you be?) already knew that the light heavyweight up-and-comer recently inked a bout agreement he was just dying to tell us all about. Now, it seems he won’t have to. Those damned internet websites are at it again, citing “sources close to the event” saying that Davis will take on Matt Hamill at the already stacked UFC 129 in Toronto. And why not? Hamill’s the dude the UFC traditionally likes to run up against its 205-pound prospects (and sometimes, its 205-pound graybeards) to see what they’ve really got in the tank. Makes sense to us.

Also on the horizon, it’s reported that fresh off showing his lack of social skills against Brandon Vera at UFC 125, Thiago Silva will step in the cage against Quinton “Rampage” Jackson at UFC 130. Both guys are coming off wins and it’s conceivable that the winner of that bout could be added to an ever-growing list of title contenders at 205-pounds.  But wait, that’s not all. After the jump some other alleged upcoming dates in the Octagon.

(Sit back there and say Clay Guida’s hair ain’t luxurious, when you know it is, bitch. / Photo courtesy of MMAFighting)

The Nevada State Athletic Commission has released the payout list for UFC 125, with the total fighter payroll topping out at $1,112,000 in disclosed salaries and bonuses. MMA Junkie reports that despite the main event ending in a draw, both Frankie Edgar and Gray Maynard were given their win bonus money — which insured that they were two of the night’s top earners, since they also picked up the event’s Fight of the Night bonuses.

Other six-figure earners included Clay Guida ($122,000) and Thiago Silva ($110,000). The complete UFC 125 salary list is below, and continues after the jump. Keep in mind that the figures do not include additional income from sponsorships or undisclosed "locker room bonuses," or deductions for taxes, insurance, and licensing fees.

Frankie Edgar: $162,000 (includes $51,000 win bonus, $60,000 Fight of the Night bonus)
vs. Gray Maynard: $112,000 (includes $26,000 win bonus, $60,000 Fight of the Night bonus)

Brian Stann: $42,000 (includes $21,000 win bonus)
def. Chris Leben: $46,000

Thiago Silva: $110,000 (includes $55,000 win bonus)
def. Brandon Vera: $60,000

("Look, Brandon, I’m sorry. If you take your hand away, I promise I won’t slap you in the face again." / Photo courtesy of MMAFighting)

UPDATE: A clip of Silva playing Vera like a bongo has been added to the end of this post…check it out while it lasts.

The third round of Thiago Silva vs. Brandon Vera at UFC 125 represented one of the most humiliating beat-downs in recent MMA history, as Silva seemingly got tired of punching Vera about midway through the round and just started slapping him in the face until the fight was over. With Vera’s job likely on the line that night, it was the worst possible final impression to leave with his bosses — as if that mangled schnozz wasn’t enough.

After the fight, top light-heavyweight contender Jon Jones fired up Twitter and posted the following: "Wow that slapping was so disrespectful.. id love to give him a slap in the face…Dominating someone in a fight is 1 thing, looking to simply humiliate them is another..Traditional martial artist always seemed to show honor and respect.. Anyways what’s done is done, I’m headed to the gym to make sure nothing like that ever happens to me."

We say: Eff the haters, Thiago. You’ve just joined a very select group of MMA fighters who have demonstrated their dominance through slapping and spanking. The other members of the MMA Bitch-Slap Hall of Fame are after the jump…

(Above: "You’re lucky our dads are here, dweeb. I’ll just take that fancy little belt of yours next time." Below: Something old, something new… / Photos courtesy of the UFC 125 Weigh In Pics gallery on CombatLifestyle.com)

Good lord, is it really 2011 already? I’m still writing "PRIDE NEVA DIE" on all my checks! Another unpredictable year of MMA begins tonight in Las Vegas, as lightweight underdog-champion Frankie Edgar attempts to make title defense #2 against old rival Gray Maynard. Plus: Chris Leben and Nate Diaz try to keep their streaks going, Brandon Vera fights for his job, and a lightweight smash-up between Clay Guida and Takanori Gomi. Click through for round-by-round UFC 125 updates — beginning at 9 p.m. ET with the live prelims broadcast on ION — and remember to refresh the page every few minutes for the latest results. Let’s all try to be the best keyboard warriors we can be this year, okay guys?

(It took some time, but the Sao Paulo Big Brothers, Big Sisters program finally found Thiago a perfect match. PicProps: TattooBlues)

Much respect to Tatame.com, which is pretty much a constant torrent of breaking news regarding MMA’s Boys From Brazil and even publishes an English language version for those of us too boorish and unrefined to speak the country’s mother tongue. We can’t all be multilingual giants like Chael Sonnen, now can we? Is some of the website’s English prose more or less unintelligible? Sure, but God knows if American bloggers had to keep up Portuguese versions of their sites, most of the results wouldn’t be pretty, either. In fact, what Tatame lacks in clarity it often makes up for with a wonderful unexpectedness of language. Kind of like reading an Aleksandar Hemon short story, only better because it’s about fighting. 

Take for example the site’s latest report on oft injured light heavyweight Thaigo Silva, which begins with a title befitting a Top 40 Country & Western hit and ends with a final paragraph that reads like some kind of weird, impressionist poetry. The facts are this: Silva’s back has been in upheaval since late 2008 and the 28-year-old has had no choice but give it some R&R afer pulling out of a scheduled fight at UFC 117. Now, if things go according to plan, Silva hopes to return before the end of the year.

(Remember, bend at the *knees* when you’re beating the crap out of Keith Jardine.)

Bad news for Team Brazil at UFC 117: Due to a back injury suffered in training, Thiago Silva has been forced to withdraw from his preliminary card matchup with Tim Boetsch. Silva had previously injured his back while preparing for his UFC 108 main event against Rashad Evans. After losing that fight by decision, the American Top Team light-heavyweight began a physical therapy program, but apparently it wasn’t enough to protect him from re-injury; no word yet on how long he could be sidelined. Stepping in to face Boetsch on 11 days notice is UFC newcomer Todd "Bulldog" Brown, who has compiled an 11-1 record in midwestern promotions. Boetsch is returning to the UFC after being cut last March, then winning three consecutive fights in smaller promotions.

Speaking of luckless s.o.b.’s, Phil Baroni is out of his UFC 118 fight with John Salter due to a collarbone injury. The fight was to mark Baroni’s return to middleweight after dropping two straight at welterweight, including a decision against Amir Sadollah at UFC 106. Baroni, who tends to get emotional on his Twitter account even in the best of times, had this to say: "I cant take it anymore. Im freaking out. anxiety im shot. beaten." Stay strong, NYBA…

(Insisting that it lacked the subtle social commentary of the original series and citing only sporadic appearances by one character in particular, Silva could never reconcile himself with “Joanie Loves Chachi.”)

Given that the average Brazilian MMA fighter can hold a grudge long enough to make the Count of Monte Cristo look like a goddamned amateur, it should come as no surprise that Thiago Silva hasn’t exactly gotten over suffering his first career loss to Lyoto Machida at UFC 94 last year  … or that the fighter took such glee in seeing his rival get knocked out earlier this month by Mauricio “Shogun” Rua.

Silva told Tatame.com this week that he respects Shogun, so was pleased to see him finally emerge from UFC 113 with the 205-pound strap around his waist, but I don’t think we’re reading too much into it to say there are also some lingering bad feelings about Machida bubbling underneath the surface. Silva’s (fully sic’d) comments are after the jump …

(
(It’s likely a safe bet that this fight isn’t going to end in a submission.)

A light heavyweight tilt between Thiago Silva and Tim Boetsch has been greenlit for UFC 117 according to Sherdog.com. Although neither fighter has received bout agreements for the fight, both have verbally agreed to face one another at the August 7 show in Oakland, CA.

The owner of a 14-2 record, Silva’s only losses have come against current and former UFC champions. His first blemish came at UFC 94 in the form of a knockout at the heavy hands of Lyoto Machida, who repeated the feat to take the title from Rashad Evans four months later at UFC 98. After knocking out Evans’ Team Jackson teammate, Keith Jardine at UFC 102 Thiago dropped a unanimous decision to Evans at UFC 108.

Boetsch, who compiled a 2-2 record in the Octagon with wins over Michael Patt and David Heath before being dropped by the promotion in 2009, has kept busy since his departure, racking up three straight wins outside of the UFC. You might remember him as the fighter Matt Hammill decided to demonstrate his newly acquired boxing skills on.

(Photo courtesy of MMA Weekly.)

About two weeks before Thiago Silva‘s UFC 108 showdown with Rashad Evans, rumors began popping up that Silva had suffered an ankle injury in training, and the UFC was paying him extra money to stay on the cursed card and save the main event. Silva’s manager, Alex Davis, immediately set the story straight with MMA Junkie, saying "That report is completely false. Thiago is 100 percent and he’s busy preparing for this fight. Not only has the UFC not paid any extra money for Thiago to fight through an injury, but to the contrary, in my 10 years of dealing with the UFC, (matchmaker) Joe Silva and the staff have always said it’s better to pull out of a fight if you’re hurt rather than lose a fight because you’re injured."

But now that Silva lost his fight, Davis has come back to say that "100 percent" might have been overstating the case:

("’Ey check me out, guys, I’m Joe Hogan. ‘Duhhhh…I do drugs…duhhhh…crazy, high-level zhoo-zhitsu…duhhhh…eat this buffalo penis and I’ll give you money…duhhhh’." Photo courtesy of the UFC 108 Weigh In Pics set on CombatLifestyle.)

Strap yourselves in, fight fans — IT’S TIME FOR THE MOST HIGHLY ANTICIPATED GRUDGE MATCH OF 2010. (So like, since yesterday, basically.) After a powerful curse stole nine fighters from the lineup, the survivors are ready to show that their brothers didn’t blow out their knees and catch staph in vain. For those of you paying for this pay-per-view, console yourself with the fact that the shittiest cards can often be the most suprisingly awesome. They can also be just as shitty as advertised, but we’ll try to stay positive for now. Complete UFC 108 results — from the Spike TV prelim fights all the way through Rashad Evans vs. Thiago Silva — await you after the jump. Refresh the page every few minutes for all the latest…

(Look, Dana isn’t saying that you guys have to hate each other; he’s just saying that he could understand why Thiago might be upset about some of the things Rashad may or may not have written about him on the Zuffa office’s bathroom wall.)

It’s the first rule of fight promoting, and the UFC knows it better than anyone: when life gives you staph infections, make staph infectionade.  Only, you know, don’t call it that.  After losing Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira off the UFC 108 card, and with him their main event feature attraction, the UFC has responded by pushing the Rashad Evans-Thiago Silva bout to the top spot and rebranding it a "grudge match."  They don’t go into much detail to explain the grudge part of that phrase, but we can probably assume that they’re going to be using the old ‘you beat my teammate and now I must beat you’ angle. 

In reality, Evans and Silva have expressed nothing but gentlemanly respect for one another’s skills, with the only hint of a grudge coming from Evans’ remark that Silva gave him "a nasty look" after defeating Keith Jardine.  Ken Shamrock-Tito Ortiz it ain’t, but at this point the UFC is probably just grateful to have two warm, relatively healthy bodies to put in the cage on January 2nd. 

As for Big Nog, he apologized to his fans but wisely noted "I have learned from my mistakes, and I’m not going into a fight unless I can give 100% my best performance."  Nog is currently getting medical treatment in San Diego, according to the UFC, and we wish him a speedy recovery. 

(‘Tell your friend he’s next! Well, I guess he’s just right over there. You know what, don’t worry about it. I’ll tell him myself.’)

With “Rampage” Jackson running off to play a mohawk-less B.A. Baracus in the “A-Team” movie, the MMA world was left wondering whether Rashad Evans would get a replacement opponent, or if he would just have to go out there on his own and entertain the crowd with fifteen minutes of stand-up about how different the Catholic church would be if the pope was black.  Thankfully, that seems like it won’t be necessary, as both Evans and Thiago Silva have reportedly verbally agreed to meet at UFC 108 in January. 

Obviously this isn’t as satisfying as the fight between Evans and Jackson would have been after a long season of reality TV trash talk.  But at least there’s something resembling an interesting angle, what with Silva knocking out Evans’ teammate, Keith Jardine at UFC 102 and both Silva and Evans suffering knockout losses to Lyoto Machida.  Think of this as a fight to determine who still stands a chance at getting another turn on the Machida karate beatdown-go-round.

In other bookings news/rumors…

(And the circle of life continues…)

Following Quinton Jackson’s Baracus-related retirement, we began wondering what would be next for odd-man-out Rashad Evans. Well, he already has a fight in mind, and it sounds as good as any other. According to MMA Fanhouse, Evans could be fighting Thiago Silva sometime this winter. Said Sugar:

("So, I feel that I’ll be comfortable wherever the fight goes, and as long as I can stick to my gameplan and — Shawn, if you don’t get that Flip Cam out of my face, I’m going to stomp you a new asshole. Seriously. Last warning." Photo courtesy of this set on Combat Lifestyle.)

The word "legend" gets thrown around a lot in this sport, to the point where it loses much of its meaning. Well, we won’t bother with the cliches. Suffice it to say that two old dudes are going to fight in Portland tonight, and one of them is so old that it’s hard to believe he’s still fighting, and the other is actually more old-looking than old, and maybe it would have been better if they fought like five years ago, in a city where people could actually afford to go see it, but here we are, and what are you gonna do.

Elsewhere on the card, Keith Jardine and Thiago Silva clash in a high-profile light-heavyweight scrap, while Nate Marquardt and Demian Maia fight for what may or may not turn out to be a #1 middleweight contender spot. Live UFC 102 results await you after the jump; refresh the page every few minutes for all the latest. Let’s have a good, clean liveblog. Obey all my instructions, and protect yourself at all times. If you want to order pizza, do it now, and go back to your couches.

(Image courtesy of the UFC)

Earlier today, the UFC distributed its first poster image for UFC 102 (August 29th; Portland, Oregon), making the top two fights official — Randy Couture vs. Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira in the main event, and Keith Jardine vs. Thiago Silva as a lead-in. Interesting…is this the first UFC event that’s being headlined by four guys who are coming off losses? Would it have been that hard to slot Demian Maia and Nate Marquardt (who are also on the card) in the co-main spot? After all, that fight will produce a legitimate middleweight title contender, even if Michael Bisping or Dan Henderson could sneak to the front of the line depending on their performance next month. Meanwhile, Jardine and Silva aren’t getting close to the 205-pound belt anytime soon.

Tickets to UFC 102 go on sale to Fight Club members on Thursday, newsletter members on Friday, and will probably be sold out by the time they’re released to the general public on Saturday. In addition to Couture/Nogueira, Jardine/Silva, and Maia/Marquardt, the following bouts have also been confirmed for UFC 102, according to UFC.com:

(What has two thumbs and hates to engage during title fights? Photo courtesy of CombatLifestyle.)

Judging from the comments in our last few posts, many of you already know this, but yes, the rumored light-heavyweight showdown between Anderson Silva and Forrest Griffin quickly became official last night; the fight will support the BJ Penn/Kenny Florian lightweight title fight at UFC 101, which will take place at the Wachovia Center in Philadelphia on August 8th. And both fighters are pretty psyched about it. As Dana White told Yahoo!’s Kevin Iole, "Forrest loved the idea and said he’d do it right away, and Anderson told me he would fight anyone I wanted him to fight, no matter who it is." Silva’s manager Ed Soares added:

(Dana White does the hard sell on TUF 9.  Props: Cage Writer)

– Forrest Griffin and Thiago Silva are expected to get back in action against one another at the still officially unannounced UFC 101 event in August that will feature a Randy Couture/Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira main event.  With both Griffin and Silva coming off losses this is one of those wonderful situations where somebody has to turn things around while someone else has to drop two straight and then reevaluate his life and career.  All signs point to the event taking place in Portland, OR. – also known as the town with best strip clubs in America.  Count us in.

– Since he apparently thinks he’s a boxer now, I suppose it’s only fitting that Gray Maynard inked a sponsorship deal with Everlast MMA.  Maynard’s pounded-flat mug is even going to be the focal point for an ad campaign, so I guess it pays to abandon all your wrestling training and beat guys up on the feet.  Does it pay to make a decision-machine like Maynard your poster boy?  Everlast will find out, possibly the hard way.

– Sean Sherk thinks he’s in line for the next lightweight title shot if he beats Frankie Edgar at UFC 98, and he expects that the belt will still be around B.J. Penn’s waist after he faces Kenny Florian.  Drawing on his experience fighting both men, Sherk says Penn “has pretty much every advantage” in a bout with Florian.  That might be whitewashing Penn’s conditioning issues a little too much, but what do you expect from Sherk, who just assumes everybody is out there doing caveman training every day.