(“God, I could so go for an eclair right now-NO! FIGHT IT, BIGFOOT! PUNCH THE HUNGER AWAY.”) 

We know, we know, not a goddamn word in that title makes sense.

Let’s run a hypothetical scenario by you: You’re a 6’4”, 285-pound, acromegalic UFC fighter. Your head is the size of a Ronco Showtime Rotisserie & BBQ and your fists were the models upon which Hulk Hands were molded. Being that you’re Brazilian, you also have an eternal blood feud with another UFC-employed fighter/camp that can be traced back to ancient blood drawings on the Pico da Neblina.

So your enemy of all enemies finally gets back from his most recent suspension and picks up an impressive win inside the octagon. You could use a nice win yourself, being that you were just knocked out by your division’s champion for the second time (in a year) in your last fight. However, the 70 pound weight advantage you hold over your foe all but rules that option out. Do you a) Needle the shit out of the guy until he agrees to fight you at a catchweight or b) Try and settle things on the streets — no gloves, no rules, ala Rocky V.

Well, if you’re Antonio Silva, the answer is c) attempt a suicidal weight cut to get to that sonofabitch, who in this case is light heavyweight Thiago Silva (via FightersOnly):

I personally will attend the doctors to see if I am able to lose weight without spoiling my health. If can do it, I will drop weight to make this fight for sure. All I want to do is just fight him because words won’t make him change.

If you’re one of the multitudes who doesn’t have FUEL in their cable package — or if you simply had no idea that there was a UFC event going on this weekend — you’ll want to check out this FOX Sports recap of UFC on FUEL 10: Nogueira vs. Werdum, in which Chael Sonnen, Brian Stann, and Jay Glazer take us through four of the fights on the main card, none of which made it out of the second round. Some notes…

- Even in the replay, it’s still not entirely clear where or how Big Nog tapped. But he did, and Anderson Silva has a sad.
- “Seeing Werdum do what Werdum does” is a hell of a tongue-twister, and Brian Stann almost pulls it off.
- We’re still doing that thing where we call the black guy “the explosive athlete”? Really?
- Note to self: When you’re fighting Thiago Silva, the worst thing to do is drop your hands and just stand there.
- It’s not shown in this video, but Rony Jason has the best Rony Jason tattoo on earth.

(Photo by Josh Hedges/Zuffa LLC/Zuffa LLC via Getty Images)

If what we saw last night was truly the end of the UFC’s experiment with hosting events on FUEL TV (remember, FUEL becomes Fox Sports 2 this August, and no, preliminary cards don’t count), it ended in one of the strangest ways imaginable. A UFC record eight fights ended in submission; four of which ended in less than three minutes. None of the bouts on the main card went the distance, which helped contribute to what felt like an eternity of watching old footage and staring at Kenny Florian’s magnificent hair in between fights. And, of course, there was Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira surrendering to an armbar from Fabricio Werdum in the main event of the evening, marking the first time that Nogueira has opted to submit instead of letting something break.

It would be easy to write about how the once-invincible Nogueira looked like a fighter who should strongly consider retirement, but I can’t help but feel that doing so would be misleading. For starters, focusing on how beatable Big Nog looked would make it seem like the fight was a lopsided, painful to watch beatdown. Although Werdum was in clear control throughout the fight, it was still a pretty close and entertaining scrap between two of the UFC’s best heavyweights.

Perhaps more importantly, attributing Big Nog’s loss solely to Father Time would be an insult to the performance that Fabricio Werdum put forward last night. Right from the start of the fight, Werdum was able to mount Nogueira and began to work for submissions. When Nogueira made his way back to his feet, Werdum got the better of the stand-up exchanges. Rinse, wash, repeat, until Nogueira realized that he wasn’t going to escape the armbar that Werdum locked up in the second round and tapped out.

(Alright, let’s get this shit over with. / Photo via MMAJunkie)

Tonight’s UFC event is, without question, the most highly-anticipated FUEL TV card since Mousasi vs. Latifi. In the main event, Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira and Fabricio Werdum — who served as coaches on a show that you probably didn’t watch — will put on a repeat performance of their battle from the 2006 Pride Openweight Grand Prix. Plus, Thiago Silva slugs it out with Rafael “Feijao” Cavalcante, Erick Silva returns against the streaking Jason High, and the TUF Brazil 2 finalists square off. (Well, not both of the finalists, because once again, one of the finalists was injured before he could make it to the big dance, but look, there will be a fight between two guys on the show, and we were planning on walking our dog during that match anyway.)

Handling CagePotato’s main card liveblog for this evening is Matt Kaplan, who will be sticking round-by-round results after the jump beginning at 8 p.m. ET / 5 p.m. PT. Refresh the page every few minutes for all the latest, and if anybody’s actually reading this, please let your voices be heard in the comments section.

(Seen here: Something Thiago Silva has not been able to honestly do since 2009.) 

If you thought Matt Riddle was just blowing smoke up our asses when he criticized the subjectivity of the UFC’s hiring/firing policy on The MMA Hour a couple days ago, look no further than Thiago Silva for proof that he wasn’t. The Brazilian slugger has not only failed two drug tests in his past three bouts, once for using synthetic animal urine in an attempt to fool his post-fight test at UFC 125 and once for marijuana metabolites at UFC on FUEL 6 last November, but has gone 0-2 in the bouts he actually managed to show up clean for. Combine that with the fact that he nearly costs as much to show as that “super fucking expensive” Jon Fitch and you’ll be left wondering how someone so incompetent still holds a job in the sport’s highest promotion. Our guess: DW and friends really appreciate the fact that — on the off-chance Silva isn’t trying to cheat the system or cheapen the value of a win — the dude brings it. 

Whatever the case, Silva will be given what we can only assume is his final, final chance at UFC 162, where he will meet fellow piss test savant Rafael Cavalcante.

(Huh. I always figured Thiago was more of a PCP guy. / Photo via Sherdog)

For a brief moment, Thiago Silva‘s submission of Stanislav Nedkov at UFC on FUEL: Franklin vs. Le looked like a redemptive moment. The Brazilian light-heavyweight had his back against the wall thanks to a one-year suspension for trying to cheat a drug test, followed by a unanimous deicison loss to Alexander Gustafsson. Beating the undefeated Nedkov meant that Silva was finally heading in the right direction.

Well screw all that, because the dude just threw his own career under the bus again. The UFC released the following statement this evening:

“Thiago Silva tested positive for marijuana metabolites following his bout at UFC on FUEL TV in Macau. The UFC organization has a strict, consistent policy against the use of any illegal and/or performance-enhancing drugs, stimulants or masking agents. Silva has admitted to taking the banned substance and has agreed to participate in an approved drug-rehabilitation program and serve a six-month suspension retroactive to the November 10 event. He must pass a drug test upon completion of the suspension before receiving clearance to fight again.”

(Febreze: It really is that fresh.) 

Although it wasn’t exactly cram-packed with exciting finishes, UFC Macao provided us with plenty to talk about nonetheless. Let’s not act like Bruce Leroy’s Haiduken punch just didn’t happen, because it did and it was either awesome or the dumbest f*cking thing we have ever seen. We can’t tell yet.

Elsewhere on the card, some people beat some other people by decision, so join us as we decipher the judge’s scorecards and try to determine who the night’s biggest winners should face next.

Cung Le: Despite being a healthy underdog with a significant size and slight age disadvantage, Cung Le was able to deliver a spectacular knockout in arguably the most high profile fight of his career. That being said, we’re not going to fool ourselves into thinking the 40 year old is truly in the title mix just yet. At this point, Le appears to be more invested in his film career than in that of his mixed martial arts one (and rightfully so), but the man is still a draw who can both deliver exciting finishes and hang with more than most, so it only makes sense to give him another high profile, low risk fight.

The problem is, there simply aren’t that many of those kind of fights available for Cung in the UFC’s current middleweight pool. Most of the division in currently tied up and Cung has stated that he would like to take some time away to spend with his family, so we think it would be best to give Cung some time off and have him face the winner of the Hector Lombard/Rousimar Palhares battle at UFC on FX 6, or maybe Chris Leben if he is able to get by Karlos Vemola at UFC 155. Who would you prefer, Taters?

Props: Nixson Sysanga via mmafanmade.tumblr.com

If I were to have told you before this event that a FUEL TV caliber card will have seven out of nine fights go the distance, it is doubtful that many of you would have watched UFC on FUEL 6. If I were to have reminded you that because the fights were live from Macau, China, you’d have to wake up at 9 a.m. ET to watch said card, I’m willing to bet we would have had a pretty vacant liveblog this morning. It isn’t often that a card with so many decisions is worth waking up early for, but UFC on FUEL 6 proved to be an exception.

Expectations weren’t exactly high for the evening’s main event, a middleweight contest between Rich Franklin and Cung Le. With neither fighter in the title picture – or even near it – and forty year old Cung Le bloodletting his foot just one week before the fight, this fight had a very high bust-potential. Most of us assumed that Ace would exit the cage with his first victory at middleweight since 2008, and that we wouldn’t be missing much if we started our afternoon nap a little early.

Instead, Cung Le gave us a Knockout of the Year candidate, countering a leg kick with a devastating right hand that secured the victory just 2:17 into the fight. Being the only knockout on the card, Le took home the $40k Knockout of the Night award, but even if every other fight ended in a knockout it’d be hard not to award such a brutal finish the honor. If you happened to miss it, here it is in all of its animated GIF glory:

(Unfortunately, Bruce Lee’s ghost suffered a knee injury in training and will be unable to float above the fighters tonight. Hey, that’s why they say “card subject to change.” / Photo courtesy of CombatLifestyle.com. For more photos from this set, click here.)

It’s Saturday night in Macau, the special administrative region that never sleeps. While us North Americans are pouring cereal and rubbing crust out of our eyes, the UFC’s first-ever show in China is already in full swing at the CotaiArena. In the main event, a couple of middleweight battle-axes named Rich Franklin and Cung Le will be slugging it out, refusing to go gently into middle age. Supporting them on the main card is an array of international matchups, including Thiago Silva vs. Stanislav Nedkov, Dong Hyun Kim vs. Paulo Thiago, and Takanori Gomi vs. Mac Danzig.

Handling liveblog duties for us this morning is Jim Genia, who will be stacking round-by-round results from the UFC on FUEL 6 main card broadcast after the jump, beginning at 9 a.m. ET / 6 a.m. PT. Refresh the page for all the latest, and let your voice be heard in the comments section. Thanks for being here, guys. We can all take naps later.

(Pikeew pikeew! I got you! Nu-uh! I totally got you first!) 

In the past three years, Thiago Silva has been knocked out by Lyoto Machida, out-grappled by Rashad Evans, suspended from the UFC for attempting to mask his roid-filled urine after his fight with Brandon Vera, and out struck by Alexander Gustafsson. Needless to say, Silva is probably going to get axed if he doesn’t win big against Stanislav Nedkov at the pair’s upcoming duel at UFC on FUEL 6. The undefeated Nedkov has also spent more time on the shelf than off lately, battling injuries and visa issues for the better part of his two-year UFC career, but barring any last minute issues, these two will clash on November 10th in Cotai, Macau. And based on their finishing ratios, we’re fairly certain that this one will end inside of three rounds.

So in honor of the occasion, we’ve dug up Silva’s last official victory — which came over Keith Jardine via knockout (I know, you’re shocked too) at UFC 102 in August of 2009 — and placed it after the jump for your enjoyment. Because it is Halloween after all, and who won’t sleep better knowing that the scary monster in your closet can easily be felled with a solid left hook?

(I don’t know if it’s the angle, the lighting, or the Kabuki makeup, but Gomi is looking freaky as shit these days.)

The UFC’s first trip to China has picked up its first lightweight bout, as Japanese legend Takanori Gomi and TUF 6 winner Mac Danzig are reportedly slated to meet at the November 10th event in Macau. Danzig revealed the matchup on twitter earlier today. Though both fighters have struggled in the Octagon in the past, both are coming off of victories. Gomi scored a second-round TKO of Eiji Mitsuoka at UFC 144 in February, while Danzig most recently won a decision against Efrain Escudero at UFC 145 in April.

In other UFC China booking news, light-heavyweight striker Thiago Silva will have one more chance to save his career at the event, where he’ll face undefeated Bulgarian prospect Stanislav Nedkov. Due to his no-contest against Brandon Vera and subsequent one-year suspension — which was sandwiched by a pair of decision losses to Rashad Evans and Alexander Gustafsson — Silva hasn’t officially won a fight in three years. Meanwhile, Nedkov has only competed once during his two years of being under UFC contract, due to injuries (both his own and his opponent’s) and visa issues. Nedkov’s sole Octagon appearance resulted in a first-round TKO of Luis Cane at UFC 134 last August.

UFC on Fuel TV 6 will be headlined by the (hopefully) crowd-pleasing battle between Rich Franklin and Cung Le. Check out the current lineup after the jump, and hit us with your predictions in the comments section.

(Photographic proof that Mayhem Miller stole his idea to give C.B. Dollaway a noogie just moments before doing so.) 

Call it “The Curse of the 140′s,” because it appears that yet another big fight in what has been a goat rope of a month in MMA matchmaking has been scratched from the books. Those of you expecting a sure-to-be-slugfest between former UFC light heavyweight champion Mauricio “Shogun” Rua and noted brawler Thiago Silva at UFC 149 are going to be more disappointed than a CagePotato contest winner, because word broke this morning that Thiago Silva has been forced to withdraw from his co-main event matchup due to a back injury. Go fucking figure. At this point, it seems the only thing that can save Silva’s spine from shattering into a million pieces would be the back brace that Sweet Dee Reynolds wore to her high school reunion. Or perhaps he just needs to find the David Dunn to his Mr. Glass.

But fret not, Potato Nation, for every shit-filled tunnel has a light at the end of it. In Silva’s absence, the UFC has called upon fellow Brazilian slugger Glover Teixeira to step up and fill the void. Here’s where things get a little muddy, so to speak. It was initially reported, by none other than Dana White, that Shogun had apparently turned down the fight. Here’s what he told MMAJunkie:

With Thiago hurt, we turned to Glover and asked him to go right back in to fight ‘Shogun’ at UFC 149. But ‘Shogun’s’ people are adamantly refusing to take the fight. They want nothing to do with Glover.

Shogun’ wants nothing to do with Glover. But that’s the fight Lorenzo and I are trying to put together.

According to members of Shogun’s camp, however, White’s claims are just a bunch of profanity-ridden malarkey, as they had not even been made aware of the fact that Silva was injured, let alone of a potential replacement.

(Rua slugs Dan Henderson during their epic bout in November. / Photo courtesy of Heavy)

A matchup between Mauricio “Shogun” Rua and Thiago Silva is likely for July 21st’s UFC 149 event in Calgary, according to a new report on MMA Junkie. UFC president Dana White tweeted yesterday that the two light-heavyweight strikers would face one another, but didn’t confirm the date or venue.

Silva is coming off of a one-year suspension and a decision loss to Alexander Gustafsson. Winless since his 2009 knockout of Keith Jardine, Silva’s contract may very well be on the line here. Shogun’s last bout, a five-round war/decision loss to Dan Henderson, was widely considered to be the greatest fight in MMA history until this past weekend.

(Apparently Lesnar was the only one who wasn’t a fan of Anderson Silva’s nude pictorial.) 

Adhering to its usual formula and taking a look back at the locker room footage from the previous event, the newest edition of UFC President Dana White’s infamous vlog features an up close and personal look at the poor bastards who came up short at UFC on FUEL: Gustafsson vs. Silva. And Brian Stann. He’s simply too nice to not be around at all times.

After DW’s regular introduction, we are treated to the woeful words of Damacio Page, Damarques Johnson, and Thiago Silva, who all insist that they are “fine.” We know what that really means. But worse than “The Angel of Death,” worse even than “Darkness,” is the silent sorrow of Paulo Thiago, who stares on in disbelief when re-watching the final moments of his first round KO loss to Siyar Bahadurzada. Thiago has now lost three of his last four UFC contests, despite having the most badass day job of any UFC fighter ever. Chin up, Paulo, we know you’ll be back with a vengeance.

Check out the video after the jump. 

(And then it’s back to the glory days.) 

Fresh off a unanimous decision win over Thiago Silva at UFC on FUEL 2 in Sweden, rumor has it that Alexander Gustafsson is being looked at as a potential opponent for Quinton Jackson’s much desired swan song with the UFC. No potential date or venue has been mentioned.

Although it was previously reported that Jackson would duke it out with Mauricio Rua in a rematch of their PRIDE Total Elimination 2005 fight, our fanboyish dreams were almost immediately squashed when Page was forced to undergo double knee surgery in the fallout of his UFC 144 decision loss to Ryan Bader.

(Just call him Jon “Bjönes” Jones. / Photo courtesy of Josh Hedges)

By Jack Saladino

With the UFC’s Swedish debut in the books, it’s time for us to make Joe Silva‘s life easier and suggest the next matchups for a few of the notable fighters coming out of UFC on FUEL: Silva vs. Gustafsson. Read on, and let us know if you agree or disagree with these picks…

Alexander Gustafsson: Rocking Thiago Silva early, Gustafsson was able to pick apart the aggressive Brazilian with an array of uber-accurate strikes to coast his way to a UD victory, and cement his position as a top-tier light-heavyweight. Can you say title eliminator? Gustafsson vs. Dan Henderson sounds good to me. I know Dan is waiting for his guaranteed title shot, but Jon Jones and Rashad Evans both have a history of post-fight injuries, and to assume that the winner will be healthy after their title fight might be unrealistic. So unless Hendo doesn’t mind a year-long break to challenge the title-holder, a battle against the Mauler could be the next best thing.

Thiago Silva: Silva’s suspension gave him a year off to think about what he’s done and rehab a plethora of injuries that have kept him performing at less than 100%. Judging by his performance on Saturday, his comeback still has a long way to go. Though Silva could use a fight against a UFC newcomer to rebound in the 205-pound division, I’d give him a good dose of reality and slate him against Phil Davis, who’s coming off his own loss to Rashad Evans. Two big, well-known scrappers with a lot to lose — promoting this one should be a no-brainer.

By Elias Cepeda

(I have seen the future of Swedish MMA and it is pale, polite and packs a nasty uppercut)

No one really disappointed in the UFC’s first ever event in Sweden Saturday. Swedish headliner Alexander Gustafsson won an entertaining and technical stand-up striking battle against Thiago Silva. For his part, Silva was coming off of a one-year suspension from a failed drug test and was a late replacement for Antonio Rogerio Nogueira but found success in spots throughout the fight and never stopped pushing the pace and coming forward, no matter how much damage he took.

It’s always fun to see what crowds in new UFC territory are like and the Swedish fans proved to be a pleasing combination. Think the soccer chants of British and Brazilian fans with the polite appreciation of Japanese fans (but slightly louder). When one of their own won, they roared. When one of theirs lost, they applauded the victor for their honest effort. Old dad was on the scene last week and did a great job writing about Swedish attitudes.

As he wrote, Silva was initially one of the few people to get booed in Sweden. But that had more to do with his assumed steroid use than his nationality. And by the end of his strong-willed battle against Gustafsson, the Swedish fans cheered Silva for his aggression.

(Don’t worry — in case the staredown gets too intense, Joe Silva will step in and helplessly flail his little arms at them. / Photo via MMAJunkie)

Today, the land of hot blondes and incoherent chefs will host its first-ever UFC event, headlined by Sweden’s fastest-rising contender. Standing in Alexander Gustafsson‘s way is Thiago Silva, the dependably vicious light-heavyweight veteran who’s coming off his one-year suspension for a funny urine test. In the co-main event, real American hero Brian Stann throws down against Alessio Sakara, while names like Paulo Thiago, Dennis Siver, and Brad Pickett fill out what should be a very entertaining afternoon of fights.

Handling play-by-play for the main card is Josh Hutchinson, a man I know very little about. Will he rise to the occasion, or blow his one shot at greatness? There’s just so much on the line today, folks. Round-by-round results from the FUEL TV broadcast, live from Stockholm’s Ericsson Globe Arena, will be piling up after the jump starting at 3 p.m. ET / noon PT. Refresh the page every few minutes for all the latest.

After what has been a long six weeks, a UFC event is finally on the horizon, Potato Nation. And thank Allah, because we were starting to get desperate. Like a Jencum addict without a balloon desperate. In either case, tomorrow night’s UFC on FUEL event provides the perfect opportunity for us to regret ever becoming gambling addicts in the first place, so let’s skip the bullshit and get right to it. Check out the betting lines, courtesy of BestFightOdds, and join us after the jump for our advice on where to place your hard-earned cash. .

Main Card
Alexander Gustafsson (-220) vs. Thiago Silva (+180)
Brian Stann (-400) vs. Alessio Sakara (+325)
Paulo Thiago (-145) vs. Siyar Bahadurzada (+125)
Dennis Siver (+150) vs. Diego Nunes (-170)
DaMarques Johnson (+140) vs. John Maguire (-160)
Brad Pickett (-230) vs. Damacio Page (+190)

Preliminary Card (Facebook)
James Head (+200) vs. Papy Abedi (-240)
Tom DeBlass (-200) vs. Cyrille Diabate (+170)
Magnus Cedenblad (+225) vs. Francis Carmont (-265)
Yoislandy Izquierdo (+190) vs. Reza Madadi (-230)
Besam Yousef (+250) vs. Simeon Thoresen (-300)
Jason Young (-185) vs. Eric Wisely (+160)

Here we go…

Weigh-ins for UFC on FUEL TV 2 went down earlier today at the Ericsson Globe Arena in Stockholm, Sweden, and all 24 fighters managed to make weight before leaving the building. The results are below via UFC.com. Be sure to come back to CagePotato tomorrow afternoon for our liveblog of the main card broadcast, and throw in your final predictions in the comments section…

FUEL TV MAIN CARD (3 p.m. ET / 12 p.m. PT)
Alexander Gustafsson (205) vs. Thiago Silva (205)
Alessio Sakara (186) vs. Brian Stann (185)
Siyar Bahadurzada (170) vs. Paulo Thiago (170)
Diego Nunes (146) vs. Dennis Siver (145*)
John Maguire (170) vs. DaMarques Johnson (171)
Damacio Page (135) vs. Brad Pickett (136)

(“How old are you again, Brandon? I lost count.”) 

It’s hard to imagine at this point in his career, but there was a time not too long ago that Brandon Vera was knocking on the door of a heavyweight title shot. Consecutive losses to Tim Sylvia and Fabricio Werdum quickly squashed this notion, and perhaps in an attempt to save his career, Vera dropped to light heavyweight. The results thus far have been nothing short of disastrous.

Since dropping to 205, Vera:
1. Scored a weak UD over Reese Andy in his debut at UFN 14
2. Was made Keith Jardine’s personal whipping boy at UFC 89
3. Was nearly bear hugged to death by Randy Couture at UFC 105
4. Had his face ground into a fine powder by Jon Jones at UFC Live 1
5. Suffered the second most embarrassing loss in UFC history* when Thiago Silva used him as his personal set of bongos before treating his face like that of a three dollar hooker at UFC 125. But hey, the fight was changed to a no-contest, so that’s something, right?
6. Had his arm broken by a guy he was supposed to destroy at UFC 137.

*We all know the most embarrassing loss in UFC History will always belong to Matt Lindland 

Regardless of his track record, it looks like Vera will be getting yet another chance to silence his naysayers when he takes on the heavy-handed James Te Huna at UFC on FUEL 4 in July.

(Fun fight between two hungry 205′ers.)

Our friends at StudioMMA broke the news minutes ago that Antonio Rogerio Nogueira sustained an injury training for his upcoming UFC on Fuel 2 bout with fast-rising light heavyweight Alexander Gustafsson and that stepping in for Lil’ Nog will be fellow Brazilian Thiago Silva.

Silva, who is returning from a one-year suspension for submitting artificial urine to the California State Athletic Commission  in an attempt to mask steroid use ahead of his UFC 125 win over Brandon Vera, was originally slated to rematch “The Truth” at UFC on Fuel 3 on May 15 before a training injury forced his opponent out of the bout. Igor Pokrajac stepped up to replace Vera, but it looks like the UFC will now have to find a replacement for the Croation.

(“Like Miesha, Poirier will get to have his cake and eat it too.”)

It looks like the best way to get the UFC’s attention these days is to call out an opponent on Twitter.

Dustin Poirier mentioned via Twitter two days ago that he would like a fight with “The Korean Zombie.” Today UFC officials announced that the pair will square off in the main event of UFC on Fuel 3 May 15 at the Patriot Center in Fairfax, Virginia.

(Are you there God? It’s me, Cowboy…)

A lot of fight booking action today, Potato Nation.

Before dropping a unanimous decision to Nate Diaz at UFC 141, Donald “Cowboy” Cerrone had arguably the best 2011 of any fighter out there, scoring victories over Paul Kelly, Vagner Rocha, Charles Oliveira, and Dennis Siver, three of which came by way of stoppage. And although he ended the year on a loss, Cerrone will be looking to start off 2012 with a big win when he takes on 60 fight veteran Yves Edwards at UFC on FX 3, which goes down at the Patriot Center in Fairfax, Virginia on May 15th.

After suffering one of the most brutal knockout losses of 2011 at the hands of Sam Stout, Edwards has gone 1-1 in the UFC, picking up a second round TKO over Rafaello Oliveira at UFC Live 6 before being outpointed by TUF 13 winner Tony Ferguson at the TUF 14 Finale in December. Edwards will likely be a considerable underdog going into this one, so Yves, for the sake of the Thugjitsu nation, lay off the KC Masterpiece.

And in other UFC on FX news…

Vera can’t stand to even look at that “Juice Monkey“. (Pic: MMAFighting.com)

The report we filed two days ago on the Brandon Vera-Thiago Silva grudge match is already woefully out of date. According to “The Truth”, he was so eager to ‘welcome’ Silva back to the Octagon that he jumped the gun and accepted the rematch before discussing the bout with his coaches or doctors. A consultation with his physician revealed that he wouldn’t be recovered from an injury in time for the May 15^th fight.

The bad blood stems back to their UFC 125 bout. Silva showed incredible disrespect toward Vera, bitch slapping him repeatedly before playing him like a pair of bloody bongos. The humiliating loss earned Vera his walking papers, at least until he was un-fired when Silva’s post-fight urine sample tested positive for steroids.

Silva eventually copped to ‘roiding and was himself slapped with a hefty fine and one-year suspension. The rematch with Vera, scheduled to go down on the UFC on FX 3 card, would have been his first fight back from that suspension. Following a successful nose transplant, Vera rebounded with a unanimous decision win over Eliott Marshall at UFC 137, but he’ll now spend a little more time on the sidelines. Zuffa is currently looking for an alternate dance partner for the Brazilian.

(Dude. Don’t even get me started about mustard water. / Props: hypeordie)

After knocking out Christian Morecraft at UFC on FX 1 last month, Pat Barry has booked his next fight. The heavyweight kickboxer will face Lavar Johnson on the main card of UFC on FOX 3, May 5th in New Jersey, which will officially be headlined by a five-round lightweight contest between Nate Diaz and Jim Miller.

Lavar Johnson scored the Knockout of the Night during last weekend’s UFC on FOX 2 card, by smashing Joey Beltran in the first round of their preliminary card meeting. The win snapped a two-fight losing streak that Johnson had carried over from his stint in Strikeforce. His upcoming scrap with Barry seems like a way for the UFC to guarantee some much-needed excitement for their next FOX broadcast. As for Barry, it’s an opportunity to bump his UFC record over .500 and secure back-to-back victories for the first time in his UFC career.

In other May booking news…

(Steve Mazzagatti never could decide when it was the right time to pull the old hat-over-the-eyes prank.) 

In an interview Monday during The MMA Hour with Ariel Helwani, recently re-signed UFC light heavyweight Brandon “The Truth” Vera had some less than positive things to say about the last man he faced in the octagon, Thiago Silva.

It has been nearly 10 months since Vera and Silva threw down at UFC 125: Resolution, with Silva coming away the victor by unanimous decision and handing Vera his walking papers. However, when the drug tests came back, it was revealed that Silva had altered the results of his urine in an effort to mask the steroids he had been taking for back pain. Silva was then fined over 33 grand for the incident, and suspended a year. Vera was invited back to the UFC, and is fighting for the first time since the incident against Elliot Marshall at UFC 137, barring any last second injuries.

When asked about the Silva fight, Vera lived up to his nickname, not holding any of his feelings back in regards to Silva.

(“I’m pissed. That son of a bitch sold me a six pack of that shit and said it was the good stuff.”)

UFC light heavyweight Thiago Silva won’t be able to fight again until at least January 1, 2012, and he will be $33,750 lighter in the wallet and will have one less win on his record when he finally returns to competition.

Silva was handed the hefty suspension and fine and had the result of his UFC 125 win over Brandon Vera changed to a “no-contest”after admitting in a hearing with the Nevada State Athletic Commission today that he used steroids and tried to mask his wrongdoing by providing a synthetic urine sample he purchased online for his pre-fight drug screen.

(“Phew…They didn’t catch me.”)

When word got out yesterday that Thiago Silva gave the Nevada State Athletic Commission a non-human urine sample following his UFC 125 win over Brandon Vera in January, everyone expected the American Top Team fighter to follow in the footsteps of predecessors like Josh Barnett, Royce Gracie and Sean Sherk and deny any wrongdoing.

Well, in spite of his attempt at skirting NSAC rules, Silva has proven himself to be a bigger man than they are (and no, we’re not talking about the commission’s recent claim that it will be hiring a professional hogwatcher) by admitting he screwed up.

In a statement he sent MMAJunkie today, Silva admits that he tampered with the test by using a “urine adulterant,” meaning a chemical compound that cases dirty urine to register a false negative reading when tested. There are several products on the marked that claim to beat drug tests and even “clean” synthetic urine that can be purchased online for such purposes.

Before we get into a pissing contest about who knows more about the science of beating urine tests, check out Silva’s explanation after the jump.

(That’s the face of a man who values his privacy. Photoprops: Esther Lin/Strikeforce)

You know, when I woke up this morning, I never expected to read a news story involving Kevin Randleman‘s possibly-fake penis. But unfortunately, I did — and since I can’t get that horrible image out of my head, you’re going to have to hear about it too. Here’s Nevada State Athletic Commission Executive Director Keith Kizer talking to MMAJunkie about the infamous Randleman-at-PRIDE 32 situation, which was the last time that his commission’s testing body has been burned by fake urine:

Kizer said Randleman’s deception began with the collection of his sample.

“What he did was he grabbed the inner-thigh of his shorts, kind of pulled it open, stuck out what we thought was the tip of his penis – it was the same color as the rest of his skin – and then urinated in the cup and gave it to our inspector,” he said…

(Ed. note: See, for me, that “same color as the rest of his skin” bit would be a dead giveaway. Everybody knows that wiener-skin is a shade darker than the rest of the guy it’s attached to. Come on, where were these NSAC guys licensed, anyway? Moving on…)