(“Progidy.” “The 30-something Randy Couture of the 40-something crowd.” “I don’t speak-a the Portuguesa.” “Leg kick to the midsection.” All the classics are here. / Props: zombie00713 via MiddleEasy)

Thiago Tavares ‘Surprised’ By Recent Failed Drug Test Following UFC On FX 7 (Fightline)

‘Bigfoot’ Silva’s Manager: Cain Velasquez Rematch Possible, but Slower Path to Title Preferred (MMAFighting)

Johny Hendricks Calls Georges St. Pierre an ‘Idiot’ for Thinking Nick Diaz Deserves a Title Shot Over Him (MMA Mania)

Anthony “Showtime” Pettis and the Evolution of Mixed Martial Arts (BleacherReport)

If Condit Gets Hurt, Tyron Woodley Wants to Fight Rory MacDonald at UFC 158 (MMAConvert)

Jack Slack’s Greatest Strikers: A Brief Look At Giorgio Petrosyan (BloodyElbow)

Pictures: Joe Lauzon Competes In Food Decathlon (FightDay)

Steven Seagal and Joe Arpaio Are Training a ‘Posse’ of School Shooting First Responders (FilmDrunk)

The 40 Softest Athletes in Sports History (Complex)

2013 Valentine’s Day Gift Guide (MensHealth)

7 Must-See Photos That Haven’t Been Photoshopped (DoubleViking)

Everyone Is Doing the Harlem Shake Right Now (Break)

50 Horrible Photos Taken By Horribly Professional Photographers (WorldWideInterweb)

(Don’t worry, it’s the guy on the bottom. Photo courtesy of Getty Images.)

Relax, Potato Nation, we can all rest assured knowing that Vitor Belfort did in fact beat the colon cannonballs out of Michael Bisping at UFC on FX 7 without needing a banned substance to do so (Author’s note: Not that we would judge him if he did. Because when you judge someone, it sounds like you are a God. And we live in a freedom country, where you are either a Republican or a Democrat. Who is right?). And while that’s all well and good, one of the tests from the event did come back positive, as Dana White had mentioned earlier this week.

According to Brazilian news outlet Tatame, the fighter who pissed dirty at UFC on FX 7 was…Thiago Tavares:

After many rumors, the results of doping tests UFC Sao Paulo left [Note: Fucking Google translate, I tell you]. According to TATAME, the name of the athlete caught is Thiago Tavares. Our sources, however, need not know the substance used for light weight. His suspension will be nine months.

Yep, the guy we last saw eating Khabib Nurmagomedov’s elbows like they were acarajes is the one who got popped for what we can only assume is some kind of steroid. It kind of makes sense when you realize that Tavares regularly drops 20 pounds in between fights to fulfill his double life as salsa artist Marc Anthony.

(Click chart for full-size version. For previous Databombs, click here.)

By Reed Kuhn, @Fightnomics

Last week we broke down the UFC Featherweight division in key striking metrics. This week we’ll look at the largest (numerically) UFC division, the Lightweights. A full explanation of the chart and variables is included at the end of this post.

The Winners

Sniper Award: Daron Cruickshank finally showed off his striking skills in his second UFC appearance against Henry Martinez on the UFC on FOX 5 card in Seattle. With nearly 50% accuracy, he looked like he was practicing on a heavy bag before mercifully dropping an iron-chinned Martinez with a head kick KO. Interestingly, the “Detroit Superstar” is set to face another division sniper, John Makdessi, in March at UFC 158.

Energizer Bunny Award: Tim Means is two wins into his UFC career, and has almost doubled the standing output of his two opponents. He also maintained good accuracy and scored two knockdowns in those performances.

Biggest Ball(s) Award: Melvin Guillard has been punching above his weight for a long time in the UFC. To date Guillard has 12 knockdowns, putting him 3^rd all-time in the UFC behind Anderson Silva and Chuck Liddell. Not bad for a lightweight.

(Props: YouTube.com/fueltv. Skip to the 0:51 mark for the violence.)

Khabib Nurmagomedov‘s first-round knockout of Thiago Tavares at Saturday’s UFC on FX 7: Belfort vs. Bisping immediately joined Melendez vs. Kawajiri and Miocic vs. Del Rosario in the pantheon of vicious elbows-from-above MMA finishes. The win also upped Nurmagomedov’s career record to a remarkable 19-0, and represented his third straight win in the Octagon. It’s clear that the Russian Sambo/Judo ace has the potential to make a serious impact in the UFC’s lightweight division. So who should he face next? Well, he’s got an opinion about that.

After the fight, FUEL TV’s Heidi Androl talked to “The Eagle” about his ball-busting t-shirt at the weigh-ins and his training at American Kickboxing Academy. Nurmagomedov also mentioned that he really wants to face Nate Diaz in his next fight. It was a smart bit of post-fight matchmaking, as a meeting with Diaz could give Nurmagomedov the exposure that he’ll need to break into the title mix.

On the other hand, Diaz might not want to face a relative newcomer without much name value. (As with the frequently-ducked Glover Teixeira, there just isn’t much upside to fighting a dangerous, non-star like Nurmagomedov.) Though I’m sure Diaz vs. Nurmagomedov would be an entertaining scrap, I wouldn’t be surprised if the UFC books Khabib against another mid-level opponent before letting him in the cage with Top 5-caliber competition. Any other ideas on who Nurmagomedov should take on next?

(That awkward moment when one of your most marketable fighters denies the existence of his opponent’s Lord and Savior. Pretty typical face-off stuff, really. / Photo via MMAJunkie.com)

The last time that Vitor Belfort fought in Sao Paulo, this happened. Fourteen years later, those still-lethal fists are the only thing separating Michael Bisping from the middleweight title shot that has stayed maddeningly out of his reach. So will Belfort triumph in front of his countrymen tonight at the Ibirapuera Arena, or will Bisping defy the haters and take what belongs to him?

Elsewhere on the UFC on FX 7 lineup: Gabriel Gonzaga‘s heavyweight comeback faces its first big test in Ben Rothwell, Khabib Nurmagomedov goes for his 19th-straight victory against Thiago Tavares, and TUF Brazil standout Daniel Sarafian will do his best to defend the relentless takedowns of Massive Doucheface.

Round-by-round updates from the “Belfort vs. Bisping” main card broadcast will be available after the jump beginning at 9 p.m. ET / 6 p.m. PT. Refresh the page every few minutes for all the latest, and make the world a little less lonely by tossing your thoughts into the comments section.

Unlike the freakish mismatches that plagued last weekend’s Strikeforce show, the odds for this Saturday’s UFC on FX 7: Belfort vs. Bisping event in Sao Paulo suggest a very competitive lineup of fights. In fact, two of the matches are virtually dead even, with a razor-thin margin between the favorite and the underdog. Here are the betting lines for the FX main card, courtesy of BestFightOdds.com:

Michael Bisping (-103) vs. Vitor Belfort (-107): This is about as close as it gets in MMA betting, though Belfort still comes in as a slight favorite. The line reflects the divide among fans on how the fight will play out — either Bisping will outstrike and outhustle the Phenom to a decision victory, or Belfort will maul Bisping in short order, finishing him via punches-to-the-back-of-head TKO. If you’re leaning strongly towards one of those results, feel free to put your money where your mouth is. But keep in mind that the fight is scheduled for five rounds, which certainly gives Bisping the edge if he manages to survive the first ten minutes.

Ben Rothwell (+100) vs. Gabriel Gonzaga (-110): Another close call in terms of odds, but I’m not sure that Gonzaga should be the slight favorite here. To me, he hasn’t yet shaken his reputation as a can-crusher, while Rothwell’s most recent appearance against Brendan Schaub proved him to be a ferocious finisher, hard to rattle, and in the best physical shape of his career.

(The ballsiest fighter to ever step foot in the octagon. *rimshot*) 

Well, we called this one.

In his past three fights, longtime MMA veteran Dennis Hallman has made some startling (not to mention amateur) choices to say the least. After losing a bet to his friend that resulted in one of the most horrifying wardrobe malfunctions of all time against Brian Ebersole at UFC 133, Dennis showed up two and a half pounds overweight for his fight against John Makdessi at UFC 140 and was subsequently fined 20% of his purse. Luckily for him, he was able to pick up a win. Unfortunately for him, he apparently took nothing away from the close call, and showed up seven pounds overweight at yesterday’s weigh-ins. His scheduled opponent, Thiago Tavares, basically treated the situation with an “Are you serious, bro?” but was able to strike a deal with Hallman that if he could get down to only 3 pounds over the limit, the fight would be on.

Hallman was allegedly able to do so, but Tavares then asked him to cut an additional pound, at which point Hallman asked to be removed from the card and became the most recent UFC fighter to join the unemployment line.

For an event that was to be headlined by two of the sports all-time greats, and a supporting cast that was pretty much garbage-ass, it’s disappointing that tonight you have no PPV to watch, no excuse to spend even more time at Hooters, and no good reason not to attend the wedding your girlfriend has been nagging you about going to. But if you thought that was going to stop us from milking this thing for everything its got, you are severely wrong, my friend.

Taking the reigns tonight is longtime CagePotato contributor/Twitter pseudo celebrity Jason Moles. This card will either be a smashing success thanks to the main event or a failure of epic proportions thanks to everything else. Stick around, insult him in the comments section, and be sure to tell all of your friends about the only UFC 151 liveblog on the internet (EVER!) can be found. Now let’s get to it.

Pictured: Their approximate reactions to finding out “garbage-ass” was a real phrase.

One week ago, Ben published an article voicing concerns over how weak UFC 151′s main card was. But it was cool, because Jon Jones vs. Dan Henderson was going to be such an awesome fight. Two days ago, Jones vs. Henderson was scrapped and UFC 151 was canceled. [Ed. note: Damn, two days? Feels like we've been covering this forever.] Even though most of us acknowledged that the cancellation of the event was at least partially due to the garbage-assness of pretty much the entire card, we were too busy talking about Jon Jones ducking Chael Sonnen/Sonnen attempting to troll his way into an immediate title shot (depending on which side of the fence you’re on) to really delve into the issue. But now that the UFC has started to transplant the canceled UFC 151 fights to other cards, it’s time to take a closer look at that issue for a moment.

The bouts from UFC 151 are quickly being rescheduled for different cards, with UFC on FX 5 taking a significant chunk of them. As we covered in yesterday’s link dump, UFC 151′s planned co-main event, Jake Ellenberger vs. Jay Hieron, will now be the co-main event of UFC On FX 5. This won’t be the only fight from UFC 151′s main card that will now be padding UFC on FX 5 – Dennis Hallman vs. Thiago Tavares, Danny Castillo vs. Michael Johnson and Shane Roller vs. Jacob Volkmann will be moved to this card as well. UFC on Fuel TV 6 will now be featuring fights between bantamweights Takeya Mizugaki and Jeff Hougland and flyweights John Lineker and Yasuhiro Urushitani, while Kyle Noke and Charlie Brenneman will do the man dance on the undercard of UFC 152.

In case you haven’t noticed, it’s worth mentioning that absolutely none of these fights – three of which were on the pay-per-view portion of UFC 151, mind you – have made it to the main card of an upcoming pay-per-view. Now I understand that financially, most fighters who were expecting a paycheck on September 1 simply can’t afford to wait until November’s UFC 154 to fight again. But that’s not the issue: The issue is that the UFC could afford to move pay-per-view quality fights *makes this hand gesture* to free television in the first place.

In 1993, the UFC made history by holding its first event at the old McNichols Sports Arena in Denver, Colorado. Now, the UFC will celebrate its 150th numbered event (Technically not, but play along) with a return to The Mile-High City on August 11. Tickets for the event, which takes place at The Pepsi Center, will go on sale June 15.

Headlining the event will be a lightweight title fight between champion Benson Henderson and Frankie Edgar, who lost the title to Henderson by unanimous decision at UFC 144. It’s an odd time to announce this fight, as Dana White has been adamant about having Frankie Edgar drop to featherweight. Not to mention that just days ago, Edgar seemed to be teasing a fight with Jose Aldo.

But in a way, an immediate rematch for Edgar only seems fair, considering that Edgar had to give out two immediate rematches while he was the lightweight champion.

(Wait…it’s already been FIVE YEARS since these two last fought?!!) 

Trilogy fever has officially struck Zuffa.

Word has it that lightweight scrappers Sam Stout and Spencer Fisher will meet for a third time at UFC on FX 4 this June, in a fight that will be an early front runner for “Fight of the Night” to say the least. Both Fisher and Stout are coming off losses to Thiago Tavares, so it seems a good a time as any to have these two square off once again, because MMA fans eat up rematches like fried Kool-aid nowadays.

Fisher and Stout last met way back at UFN 10 in June of 2007, where Fisher was able to erase the memory of his split decision, “Fight of the Year” earning loss to Stout at UFC 58 by walking away with a close but unanimous decision victory. As of late, however, Fisher has descended further down the lightweight ladder with each performance, to the point that he could be fighting for his job come June 22nd. He has dropped 4 of his last 5, with the lone win coming by way of UD over UFC washout Curt “The War” Warburton at UFC 120. Yes, you read that correctly; Curt Warburton’s nickname is “The War.” What a crafty SOB.

Stout has seen quite a bit more success recently, scoring wins in 4 of his last 6, including a first round starching of Yves Edwards at UFC 131 last year. After his long time trainer and close friend Shawn Tompkins suddenly passed away, however, Stout pulled out of his bout with Dennis Siver to do some “soul searching” along with fellow Team Tompkins members Chris Horodecki and Mark Hominick. Upon returning to the octagon, the aftereffects of such a tragic loss were still noticeable, as both Stout and Hominick suffered defeats to Tavares and Chan Sung Jung, respectively.

In other fight booking news…

TATAME.com is reporting that UFC lightweight Dennis Hallman has pulled out of his
upcoming bout with TUF 13 winner Tony Ferguson. While the details are still up in the air, it appears that Hallman has suffered an injury while training. Replacing him at UFC on FOX 3 will be Thiago Tavares.

Since winning The Ultimate Fighter 13, Tony Ferguson has gone 2-0 in the UFC. His most recent victory has been a unanimous decision over veteran Yves Edwards at the TUF 14 Finale in December. During the same time period, Thiago Tavares has also gone 2-0, with his victories coming against Spencer Fisher and Sam Stout. This bout will mark the first
time that Tavares has fought on American soil in over a year, as both of his previous fights have taken place in Rio de Janeiro at UFC 134 and UFC 142. His last fight in America saw him lose to Shane Roller by second round knockout at UFC on Versus 3: Sanchez vs. Kampmann last March.

UFC on FOX 3 will go down on May 5 at the IZOD Center in East Rutherford, New Jersey. The full fight card now looks like this:

(From L-R: Gabriel Gonzaga, UFC president Dana White, Squidward Q. Tentacles, and the guy who totally isn’t Dana White’s bodyguard. Photo via MMAJunkie)

Before the UFC 142 pay-per-view card kicks off from the HSBC Arena in Rio de Janeiro, FX will be airing four fights from the preliminary card, featuring the return of veteran lightweight striker Sam Stout as well as formerly-retired heavyweight Gabriel Gonzaga. Follow us after the jump for round-by-round results from the live prelims broadcast starting at 8 p.m., courtesy of rookie CagePotato liveblogger Anthony Gannon. Porra, you guys!

(Don’t be fooled by its innocent exterior, the Stout will knock you out quicker than you can say “10.6 percent.”) 

A pair of lightweight contests have recently been announced for the UFC’s return to Brazil this January. Fresh off his lightning quick victory over Edward Faaloloto at UFC 138, Terry Etim will be taking a big step up in competition when he faces Brazilian phenom Edson Barboza.

Barboza has gone 3-0 in his UFC career, notching wins over TUF 9 winner Ross Pearson and WEC KO artist Anthony Njokuani. Etim, on the other hand, had rattled off four victories in his last five fights before being sidelined by a rib injury for over a year. Having fought six of his nine UFC contests on his home soil, it will be interesting to see how Etim reacts to the foreign crowd, especially one that has shown the capacity to commit bloodshed before.

(Tavares and Pellegrino now have enough money to open the hair salon they’ve always dreamed of. Photo courtesy of UFC.com.)

The UFC doled out $60,000 bumps to the following fighters for their valiant performances at last night’s “Breakthrough”:

Knockout of the Night: Rashad Evans, obviously, for knocking Chuck Liddell into the 8th dimension.

Submission of the Night: Jason MacDonald for his rear-naked choke of Jason Lambert — and for scoring the only submission on the card.

Fight of the Night: Kurt Pellegrino and Thiago Tavares for their wild (and unfortunately untelevised) three-rounder that Pellegrino took in a unanimous decision.

UFC 88 quick results:

Rashad Evans def. Chuck Liddell via KO, 1:51 of round 2
Rich Franklin def. Matt Hamill via TKO, 0:39 of round 3
Dan Henderson def. Rousimar Palhares via unanimous decision
Nate Marquardt def. Martin Kampmann via TKO, 1:22 of round 1
Dong Hyun Kim def. Matt Brown via split decision
Kurt Pellegrino def. Thiago Tavares via unanimous decision
Tim Boetsch def. Michael Patt via TKO, 2:03 of round 1
Jason MacDonald def. Jason Lambert via submission (rear-naked choke), 1:20 of round 2
Ryo Chonan def. Roan Carneiro via split decision

(“Conviction” returns in October.)

— Thales Leites and Dean Lister will reportedly meet in a middleweight bout at UFC Fight Night 15 (September 17th; Omaha, NE), while lightweights Thiago Tavares and Kurt Pellegrino are slated to fight at UFC 88 (September 6th, Atlanta); both Tavares and Pellegrino are coming off losses in their last fights, to Matt Wiman and Nate Diaz, respectively. The UFC has also confirmed widely rumored UFC 88 matches between Rich Franklin and Matt Hamill, Dan Henderson and Rousimar Palhares, and Karo Parisyan vs. Yoshiyuki Yoshida.

— Gina Carano will fight next at an EliteXC event on October 4th. According to Sherdog, the event is likely to be televised on CBS, and her opponent may be Kelly Kobald, a Minnesota Martial Arts Academy product who started her career on a 16-0-1 tear before dropping her last two fights to Tara LaRosa and Julie Kedzie.

— This may help explain why Affliction’s attendance was so good: All tickets in all sections were discounted to $39.95 on the day of the show.

— Sengoku’s lightweight grand prix — which will go down August 24th in Saitama, Japan — will include IFL lightweight champion Ryan Schultz, King of the Cage lightweight champion Clay French, Cage Force lightweight champion Mizuto Hirota, and former DEEP lightweight champion Kazunori Yokota. Takanori Gomi and Frank Trigg will also be fighting, in separate non-GP bouts.