("I got your Atlas Stones right here, bitch." Props: YouTube)

For Tim Sylvia the best case scenario at “Moosin: God of Martial Arts” was simply, don’t screw this up. The worst case scenario? You lose to shit-talking sideshow Mariusz Pudzianowski and your career is over. Basically, it was a no-win situation for the former UFC heavyweight champion in Massachusetts on Friday night, but that’s the harsh reality when you fuck around and get knocked out by Ray Mercer. Fortunately for Sylvia, he managed to stave off the angels of (professional) death for at least another day, dropping the professional strong man with an uppercut and finishing him with strikes on the ground one minute, 40 seconds into the second round.  

Though it seemed academic once they got in the cage, victory wasn’t a foregone conclusion after Sylvia weighed- in at 305-pounds earlier this week. The Maineiac’s cardio was understandably in question, but it quickly proved to be much higher than that of Pudzianowski.  It took only a few minutes for the Polish carnival barker to turn the shade of deep purple usually reserved for a Hulk Hogan tan job or the latter stages of a Mark Coleman fight.  Maybe that tune-up bout in Poland just two weeks ago wasn’t such a great idea after all, eh Pudzi? After the jump, all the gory details …

(If they were the same guy, this would be a fantastic ad for Trimspa. Photos courtesy of Sherdog.)

Last June, we saw Tim Sylvia’s alarming weight of 310.6 pounds as proof that he didn’t take his fight against Ray Mercer as seriously as he should have. Well you all can put your concerns to rest now, because according to yesterday’s Moosin: God of Martial Arts weigh-ins, the Maine-iac has hacked off a full 5.6 pounds since that brutal loss, suggesting that maybe he’s leaving that last rib on the plate when he goes out and orders three slabs of ribs. We’re proud of you, buddy. In all seriousness, this isn’t a physique competition, and Mariusz Pudzianowski didn’t really impress anybody in his last fight, which took place just two weeks ago. But Tim’s unwillingness to get below 300 pounds (and his doughy, Wes Sims-like build) may be a sign that his heart isn’t really into training these days. After the jump: Full weigh-in results for tonight’s Moosin show, plus a video of Roxy Modafferi and Tara LaRosa getting all chummy before their fight. Have you made your Moosin picks on FightPicker yet?

This Friday, the DCU Center in Worcester will host the oddly-named Moosin: God of Martial Arts event, in what is being billed as the first major, sanctioned MMA event in Massachusetts. The show will be available on pay-per-view, and should feature some entertaining matchups, including the headliner between former UFC champ Tim Sylvia and strongman-turned-MMA-fighter Mariusz Pudzianowski, and the female feature between Tara LaRosa and Roxanne Modafferi. Eric "Butterbean" Esch — who is also the event’s promoter — will be taking on radio host Lyndon Byers, though the fight won’t be part of the PPV broadcast.

Also on Friday, the Strikeforce Challengers series returns to Showtime, headlined by the "WTF, Are You Serious?" match between Matt Lindland and Kevin Casey. Tyron Woodley, Roger Bowling, and Tarec Saffiedine will also be on the card.

The full list of this week’s MMA FightPicker questions are after the jump. Give ‘em a look, and go get those PotatoChips. And if you haven’t done so already, please follow MMA FightPicker on Facebook!

(Video courtesy of 8countnews.com.)

Since he lives in one of the biggest glass houses in mixed martial arts, former Toughman competitor, World Wrestling Federation guest performer, YAMMA Pitfighter and Oxblood Oxheart doppelganger Eric “Butterbean” Esch may want to think twice about tossing proverbial stones at other fighters in the sport like he has at fellow boxer-turned-mixed martial artist James Toney.

In a recent interview with 8countnews, Esch, who is promoting his Moosin: Gods of Martial Arts show May 21 in Worcester, MA calls the former IBF middleweight, super middleweight and cruiserweight champion and current NABO and IBA heavyweight champion a “circus act.” Considering that the main event of his ridiculously named show will feature 6-foot-8-inch former UFC heavyweight champion and custom chopper enthusiast Tim Sylvia versus “World’s Strongest Man” Mariusz Pudzianowski, and that Esche’s photo appears in the dictionary under the definition of “freak show,” his comments are humorously paradoxical.

("World’s Strongest Man" vs. "World’s Softest, Hairiest Stomach.")

Insulting Quote of the Day comes to us courtesy of Mariusz Pudzianowski, who just signed a contract to fight Tim Sylvia at a May 21st event in Worcester, Massachusetts, which is being put on by a shadowy Korean promoter called "Moosin":

Step by step, huh? So to clarify, on the spectrum of MMA competition it goes random Polish first-timer, 1-0 fat guy, Tim Sylvia (after a two week layoff!), and finally, a 1-4 PRIDE veteran. This is the company you’re keeping, Tim. Part of us hopes Sylvia smashes Mariusz so he can regain some measure of self-respect. In the meantime, we’d be content if he just stopped harassing Andrei Arlovski’s ex-girlfriend.

(His body is in the ring, but his mind is still back in the locker room, trying to come up with an eight-letter word for ‘Movie opening.’)

Contrary to what you’ve seen on the internet lately, Josh Barnett is not content to spend the rest of his life trading mean faces with Bob Sapp and roughing up hapless foes in regional grappling tournaments. He really does want to fight for real again, or so he declared on his Twitter recently, but the problem is that he can’t find an opponent. At least, he can’t find a heavyweight opponent willing to meet him in Japan, which is sort of his only option at the moment since he can’t seem to get right with the athletic commissions back home in the U.S.

Barnett told fans he’d heard a “rumor” that both Tim Sylvia and Antonio “Bigfoot” Silva (both of whom have tested positive for performance-enhancing drugs at some point in their past) had each turned down fights with Babyface in Dream. How much fact there is in that rumor, we can’t really say, but it wouldn’t exactly surprise us to hear that “The Maine-iac” is more or less done fighting quality opponents and has decided instead to crush whatever cans Monte Cox lines up for him.

(This matchup was briefly considered as a replacement bout until Sims was deemed ‘non-competitive’ after it was revealed that the guy in the sweatshirt had taken six weeks of jiu-jitsu classes a few years back.)

As much as we hate government intrusion into the private lives of citizens – particularly those citizens among us who just want to date that cute sixteen year-old chick with the glasses who works at the movie theater without those arbitrary ‘age of consent’ laws getting in the way – but there are times when it’s obviously necessary, such as in the case of the completely unnecessary Tim Sylvia vs. Wes Sims rematch. The Ohio Athletic Commission, in its infinite wisdom, has decided not to sanction the bout for the March 20 Adrenaline event in Youngstown, on the grounds that “the fight was not going to be competitive at this time.”

That’s right. Tim Sylvia, who got knocked out by Ray Mercer last year, can’t fight Sims, who “sucks” too much to even get in the same cage with "The Maine-iac." Forget the one-sided loss to Bobby Lashley and his attempts to sell Kimbo Slice’s skull cap from TUF 10, now Sims has officially hit bottom.

Not that we’re complaining, mind you. Whatever prevents this fight from bringing the overall integrity of the sport down with it, whether it’s an act of God or a heavy-handed athletic commission, we’re all for it. Now let’s see what the Ohio commission can do about those age of consent laws.

(Sylvia vs. Sims @ Superbrawl 38, 12/12/04. You had me at that intro music.)

According to Wes Sims’s manager Ken Pavia, the A-Hole Show will try to follow up his paycheck-collection at Strikeforce: Miami by taking on Tim Sylvia at an Adrenaline MMA event in Youngstown, Ohio, on March 20th. The bout will be held under special rules, in which spectators will be allowed to throw peanuts at the fighters during the match. Just kidding, but with both men drifting near the low points of their careers, it’s hard to look at this meeting as anything but a freak show — even if it’ll surely be sold as a grudge match between two extremely dangerous tall UFC vets.

Sylvia and Sims fought once before in Superbrawl, following Sims’s 0-3 stretch in the UFC and Sylvia’s loss via broken arm to Frank Mir. It was an easy mauling for the Maine-iac, who won by TKO in a minute and a half. In his last appearance, Sylvia rebounded from a humiliating knockout loss against Ray Mercer (and snapped a three-fight losing streak) by scoring a first-round TKO over Jason Riley at Adrenaline 4 in September. Sims most recently put on a ton of weight and lost to Bobby Lashley, following an exhibition loss to Justin Wren on The Ultimate Fighter 10 last year. Is it even worth asking who ya got?

MMA had more than its share of unforgettable moments this year — though many of them were unforgettable for all the wrong reasons. With 2009 drawing to a close, we’ve collected and ranked the year’s lowlights. Now let’s never speak of these things ever again…

#9: The "Hello Japan!" incident at DREAM.7 (3/8/09)

Fighting in the Saitama Super Arena must be an incredible experience. There you are, surrounded by 20,000 eerily quiet Japanese people who all seem to appreciate the intricacies of the sport. During his match against submission wizard Shinya Aoki at DREAM.7, American journeyman David Gardner tried to honor the occasion by waving to the crowd and saying "Hello Japan!" The problem was, Aoki had his back at the time, and as soon as Gardner’s hand went up, Aoki whipped his arm under Gardner’s neck and sunk in a rear-naked choke. "Oh my God it is so dumb," Bas Rutten lamented in the broadcast booth. Dumb is an understatement. Even "Wouldn’t Get Up From Butt Scoot" is a more respectable way to lose a fight. Way to represent the Red, White & Blue, Dave.

#8: Chuck Liddell dances with the stars (9/21/09-10/13/09)

When Dana White temporarily retired Chuck Liddell following his knockout loss to Mauricio Rua at UFC 97, few could have guessed that the Iceman’s next move would be an appearance on a dance-competition show that no red-blooded MMA fan in their right mind would ever watch. Liddell joined the ninth season of Dancing With the Stars with no formal dance training to speak of, and despite his best efforts he didn’t fool any of the judges, who called him everything from "graceless" to "gentle neanderthal." After four weeks of low scores and fruity costumes, Liddell was sent packing. On the bright side, Chuck expanded his fanbase on network television, outlasted fellow competitor Tom DeLay, and probably wound up banging his redheaded dance partner. Still, Tito Ortiz’s stint on Celebrity Apprentice now seems like the most badass thing in the world by comparison.

(‘This guy’s totally rich or something, right? Right?’)

Wouldn’t you know it, the same day we dance on Tim Sylvia’s MMA grave, his name pops up in the news again, this time to say he may have either a very legitimate or very ridiculous fight in the works.  According to Sylvia’s manager, Monte Cox, Big Tim is in talks to head to Japan for a New Year’s Eve fight and Cox says he’s “pretty confident that he is going to fight there.”

What they don’t know is whether he’ll fight for Dream or Sengoku, but apparently Dream contractees Alistair Overeem and Hong Man Choi have both been discussed as possible opponents.  That means that he might get a real fight against the Strikeforce heavyweight champion (who, again, is avoiding fighting in the U.S. like he’s got some kind of Roman Polanski-esque legal troubles over here), or he’ll do the typical NYE freak show fight against Choi.  Those are two very different potential futures for Sylvia.  You’d hope that he would rather go the serious route if given the choice, but as we’ve seen in the past, Sylvia is not above taking a bout that makes no sense at all.

What do you say, would you rather see Sylvia in an absurd fight against Hong Man Choi, just to keep the New Year’s Eve tradition intact, or does Sylvia-Overeem really get your heart pumping?  Side question: if he does fight HMC, what are the odds that he joins Jose Canseco and Bobby Ologun on the “Techno Goliath’s” list of MMA victims?  Just saying, this is the guy who couldn’t close the deal with a hard-drinking strip club bartender on Blind Date,  so you better believe he knows how to screw up a sure thing.

(Sherman’s the guy on the left. Get used to that face, you’ll be seeing it again next month. Photo courtesy of osirisshoes.)

MMA Mania passes along the full lineup for Adrenaline MMA IV (September 18th; Council Bluffs, Iowa) and while we’ve already covered the Tim Sylvia/Jason Riley main event, we now know that UFC light-heavyweight Houston Alexander will be taking on Sherman "The Tank" Pendergarst (11-14) in the co-main event. Alexander’s three-fight losing streak may be a major bummer — and the reason he has to take a tune-up fight outside of the UFC — but Pendergarst has lost his last five matches, and has only won two of his last twelve. Competing mostly as a heavyweight, the Tank has suffered KO/TKO losses against such notables as Shane Carwin, Antoni Hardonk (at UFC 65, Pendergarst’s only Octagon appearance), Justin EIlers, and Tim Hague, and was one of the unfortunate fighters to experience the YAMMA pit first-hand; he lost to Alexey Oleinik by submission.

In other words, this could be just the sacrifical lamb that heavy-handed Houston needs to get his confidence back. Then again, eight of Pendergarst’s 11 wins have come by submission, meaning that Alexander should still be on high alert. So, dude with no ground game (Houston) vs. a guy who gets knocked out a lot (Sherman) — who will be able to impose their gameplan?

The full lineup for Adrenaline IV is after the jump…

With the cobwebs finally clearing from his devastating knockout loss against Ray Mercer, Tim Sylvia will try to regain some semblance of respect against Jason Riley at Adrenaline MMA’s fourth event on September 18. Riley holds a 6-1 professional record, and went 4-0 as an amateur. All of his fights have taken place in Ohio, and he became the NAAFS heavyweight champion after knocking out Justin Black in April.

In other words, he has nowhere near the kind of high-profile, big-show experience that Tim Sylvia does. But you’ll never go broke underestimating the Maine-iac. After all, this is a a guy who weighed in at a morbidly obese 310.6 pounds for his last fight in June, and will now have to get back into legitimate fighting shape just one month from now. Will Sylvia snap his three-fight losing streak, or will Riley make his name off of the former UFC heavyweight champ?

According to NWI.com, Adrenaline IV will go down at the Mid-America Center in Council Bluffs, Iowa, and is likely to feature former UFC vets Jeremy Horn and Houston Alexander — even though Alexander hasn’t been officially released from his UFC contract yet.

(Photo courtesy of MMA Mania.)

Getting knocked out in two consecutive high-profile fights has to be a devastating blow to a fighter’s confidence. And the idea of Tim Sylvia banging your ex-girlfriend, sure, that would make anybody want to throw up until they died. But we weren’t expecting this troubling bit of news from a fighters.com article posted yesterday:

Is steroid use an epidemic in MMA? Or are most of the fighters who have tested positive simply the victims of inept athletic commissions, shady nutritional supplements, and tainted goat meat? After Josh Barnett’s latest chemical misadventure took down Affliction, we decided to round up every steroid bust in the sport since early 2002, when the Nevada State Athletic Commission began testing MMA fighters for performance-enhancing drugs. The results…may shock you.

***

JOSH BARNETT (Pt. 1)
Caught: 4/22/02, following his TKO victory over Randy Couture at UFC 36.
Tested positive for: Boldenone, Nandrolone, and Fluoxymesterone
Punishment: A six-month suspension from the NSAC and the loss of his UFC heavyweight title. Barnett fought the steroid charge, and didn’t compete again in the U.S. until PRIDE 32, four and a half years later. (See: Belfort, Nastula)
In his own words: “I am a fighter, not a lawyer. I am innocent, and I should be fighting right now.”
Repeat offender: Barnett actually tested positive once before, for two different anabolic steroids, following his submission via strikes victory over Bobby Hoffman at UFC 34 in November 2001. Josh was let off with a warning (which went unheeded, apparently) and the incident was never officially reported — but according to Sherdog’s Mike Sloan, Barnett’s first positive steroid test is what inspired Nevada to begin regularly testing UFC fighters for performance enhancing drugs.

TIM SYLVIA
Caught: 10/7/03, following his first-round knockout of Gan McGee at UFC 44.
Tested positive for: Stanozolol
Punishment: $10,000 fine and a six-month suspension from the NSAC. Sylvia voluntarily vacated his heavyweight title following his positive steroid test.
In his own words: “[A]fter I fought Ricco [Rodriguez], I was in for a long layoff. I decided to try some things and maybe change my physique a little bit and get in better shape. But whatever I used, it came back positive. I don’t know how that happened. I did it so long ago and I was way off it before I fought McGee. I think they found it in my fat cells. I guess it stays in there for a while, huh?…I heard what Josh [Barnett] had used, so I used something different and I was only using it to trim my physique. I thought that what I was using, it was going to be out by the time I fought McGee. I fought Gan and apparently it wasn’t out.”

("Your perpetually-scowling welterweight with great jiu-jitsu, cardio, and trash-talk has died of dysentery.")

For over a month, we’ve been wondering who EA Sports will be able to recruit for its upcoming MMA video game — especially after Dana White’s proclamation that any fighter who signs with the competing title will be dead to him. But now that reports are starting to trickle out, let’s run it down…

— In a recent interview with MMA Wordwide, UFC/IFL/Strikeforce vet Benji Radach says that he starts work on the game next month, and will be in it along with Randy Couture and Fedor Emelianenko.

— Emelianenko’s involvement was confirmed by a press release distributed by mixfight.ru, which also named Gegard Mousasi as a participant.

(Props: BloodyElbow)

According to Kenny Florian, his October 2006 loss to Sean Sherk transformed him from a fighter who wanted to compete with his opponents to a fighter who wants to destroy his opponents — and he’ll be bringing his renewed intensity to the cage with him against BJ Penn at UFC 101 (August 8th, Philadelphia). In this recent interview with Inside MMA, Florian also discusses training with Georges St. Pierre, getting his named botched by Dr. Phil, and his four-letter prediction for the Penn scrap. By the way, if BJ bitches out between now and August and drops out of the fight, Diego Sanchez is totally cool to step in.

(Photos courtesy of Sherdog.)

If you want an idea of how not-seriously Tim Sylvia was taking his fight against Ray Mercer, check out the above photos, which show Timmy entering the cage looking like Jamie Varner‘s fat uncle. He’s as bloated as the Montauk Monster, and clearly hadn’t shaved his face or stomach in over a week. And goddamn did Ray make him pay for it. Sylvia now has the unenviable task of losing 45 pounds in a month-and-a-half for a scheduled "Affliction: Trilogy" bout against Paul Buentello on August 1st — though Buentello now wonders if the fight will even happen. Way to go, tubby.

UPDATE, 3:12 p.m. ET: Tim Sylvia has officially been taken off the 8/1 Affliction card.

(Props: MMA Scraps)

Jens was right — Ray Mercer still knows how to thump, and Tim Sylvia shouldn’t have messed with a real boxer. After weighing in at a worrisome 310.6 pounds for his boxing MMA match against Mercer at "Adrenaline III: Bragging Rights" in Birmingham, Alabama, Sylvia only had a chance to throw one leg kick before eating a massive overhand right and dropping like a felled redwood. (The video above doesn’t show the kick, but you can hear the cameraman’s buddy say "Aw see, they agreed to not do that.") After the fight, Mercer said “Wow, I didn’t get a chance to warm up," and called out Butterbean. Meanwhile, the Maine-iac’s career prospects just went from bad to worse. He’d better hope DREAM organizes another Super Hulk tournament — or maybe Strikeforce can set up a "Loser Has to Drink Ipecac" rematch between him and Andrei Arlovski.

Full results from the Adrenaline card are here.

In an interview done with Steve Cofield yesterday, Jens Pulver warned his longtime friend and Miletich teammate Tim Sylvia that boxing is a different world from MMA, and he might be setting himself up for another career setback if he’s not taking Ray Mercer seriously. "I love [Sylvia] on a personal scale," Pulver said, "[but] professionally, sometimes you gotta step back and say ‘damn Tim, what are you doing?’"

Thankfully, it’s become a moot point, as the Sylvia vs. Mercer boxing match scheduled to headline Adrenaline III this Saturday has been declared "unwarranted and illegal" by the Association of Boxing Commissions. As Fightnews reports:

(Tim Sylvia — undisputed heavyweight champion of the Comfort Inn.)

Remember that thing about Tim Sylvia boxing a 50-year-old man? Yeah, that’s happening this Saturday, in the main event of "Adrenaline MMA III: Bragging Rights" at the Birmingham Jefferson Civic Center. MMA Junkie has the list of the MMA fights that will be supporting Sylvia/Mercer, and they’re only slightly less pointless than the show-closing boxing exhibition.

For instance, you’ve got Rich "No Love" Clementi taking on a guy named Sasuke Zapata, who isn’t quite established enough to have a fighter profile on Sherdog or mixedmartialarts.com. (You can get a shaky look at him here.) Then, there’s Jeremy Horn with his 104 career fights taking on the allegedly 5-0 Chris Davis, who might be one of these guys. Also, jiu-jitsu-champ-turned-MMA-fighter Roberto Traven takes on John Salter, who you might have heard of if you’re related to him. Anyway, I just don’t have the energy to cut-and-paste, so if you really want to look at the complete lineup for this show, click away. And speaking of boxing…

It takes a special kind of cojones to stare down permanent injury and say "Eff it, I ain’t tappin’." Inspired by the DVD we’ve been plugging lately, we decided to pay tribute to the technical submission — that thrilling moment when a fighter is caught in a health-threatening submission hold, but is too stupid much of a warrior to concede defeat, so the referee has to do it for him. Because as a wise man once said, "Tapping out is for bitches." Enjoy…

***

#8: Daniel Gracie vs. Wes Sims
IFL Championships 2006, 6/3/06

After their first chaotic mess of a bout was ruled a “Technical Draw,” Gracie and Sims met again in the IFL for another technical ending.  Though Sims has always had a hazy understanding of the rules in any given MMA bout, he got taken down too quickly to launch any illegal stomps in this one, and had to settle for giving up his back and then trying to grab on to the ropes (thankfully Stephen Quadros reminds him that he can’t do that) as Gracie stayed on him like a backpack and choked him unconscious.  There’s nothing quite like seeing a 6’10” guy drop to the canvas like somebody just pulled his plug.  Sleep well, buddy.

#7. Frank Shamrock vs. Phil Baroni
Strikeforce/EliteXC: Shamrock vs. Baroni, 6/22/07

(Choke starts at the 8:35 mark.)

Thanks to Shammy’s pioneering work in video trash talk, this fight was epic before it even began. Strikeforce’s first middleweight title fight paired two loud-mouthed badasses who would never admit defeat — but unfortunately, there could be only one champion. After battering the NYBA with punches for almost two full rounds, Shamrock took Baroni’s back, wrapped an arm around his neck, and squeezed. While most men would tap to the hold, Baroni went out like a warrior, throwing punches into Frank’s mug until he lost consciousness. Shamrock celebrated his win by shoving Baroni’s lifeless body then kicking him in the ass, proving that he wasn’t just the better fighter that night, he was also the bigger asshole.

So yeah, this is really happening. In the above promo for Adrenaline MMA’s "Bragging Rights" event (June 13th; Birmingham, Alabama), Tim Sylvia and Ray Mercer have a very dramatic face-off, and man is Ray fat and slow. You have to imagine the betting odds will start to favor the Maine-iac after this one, particularly because their boxing match will be held in a cage. No word yet on any of the other matchups on the card or how to watch it at home, and Adrenaline’s website still needs work; we’ll probably have other things on our mind that day anyway. But you gotta love Mercer’s trash-talk at 0:14-0:18. For some reason, his delivery reminds me of a Maury Povich guest…

(They just don’t make MMA-themed t-shirts with the middle-aged manager’s body type in mind, do they?)

MMA agent/Adrenaline promoter Monte Cox is stunned, absolutely stunned, by the New Jersey Athletic Control Board’s decision not to sanction the proposed boxing match between former heavyweight champ Ray Mercer and owner of an unblemished 0-0 boxing record Tim Sylvia.  Talking with Ariel Helwani at Versus.com, he called the decision “ridiculous,” adding: “It must not have been as compelling as the Bonaduce-Canseco fight.”

That would have been a sweet burn…if that fight had actually taken place in New Jersey and not Pennsylvania, as Helwani points out.  As it is, it’s just a sweet burn on Pennsylvania, which, let’s not forget, only recently decided to sanction MMA.

Now that the fight has been moved to the lawless territory known as Alabama (pronounced: Al-uh-bam-uhhh) Cox is trying to convince people that it’s purely coincidental that he decided to relocate his entire event to a state with no sanctioning body:

(Unfortunately, Ray Mercer won’t be this star-struck. Photo courtesy of Land Sharks.)

When we reported that the Tim Sylvia/Ray Mercer "Crystal Pepsi" match had been shot down by the the New Jersey Athletic Control Board, you probably thought it was the last you’d hear about this strange footnote in Tim’s career. Well guess what — life’s not fair. Monte Cox has moved Adrenaline III to a different state, and the Maine-iac’s pro boxing debut will go on. As Sherdog reports:

Well, that’s one way to get around the issue. There are no other bouts scheduled for Adrenaline III yet — and the league’s website offers nothing other than a link for a motorcycle helmet dealer — but if there’s no regulatory body to answer to, there’s really nothing stopping Monte from filling out the card with midget kickboxing, lesbian submission grappling, and a donkey act. Sounds like Birmingham is in for a good night.

Semi-related: Frank Shamrock also has his eyes on a move to pro boxing. In a new interview with MMA Convert, Shamrock says he might give the sweet science a try after he takes care of business against Nick Diaz, Cung Le, and (hopefully) Tito Ortiz. What, no more "Blood Brothers"?

(And you thought his career had already suffered every possible indignity.)

I never thought I’d type this sentence, but thank God for the state of New Jersey’s common sense.  The New Jersey Athletic Control Board is refusing to allow the ill-conceived Tim Sylvia/Ray Mercer boxing match to take place on the Adrenaline III card in Atlantic City on May 30.  Commissioner Nick Lembo wouldn’t say why he was denying the bout.  But we already know why, don’t we?

This is one of those rare instances where a government agency steps in to stop an incredibly dumb idea and we all end up thanking them for it.  Like when the FDA put an end to Crystal Pepsi (at least that’s how I remember it going down).  There’s no reason for formerly-serious MMA fighter Tim Sylvia to make his pro boxing debut against former boxing champ Ray Mercer, just like there’s no reason to make Pepsi clear.  (Note: whoa, now that I think about it, this might be the most perfect analogy I’ve ever made.  Tim Sylvia/Ray Mercer really is to combat sports as Crystal Pepsi was to the soft drink industry.)

The downside is that a capitalist go-getter like Monte Cox probably isn’t going to be deterred by an athletic commission telling him that a fight is too stupid to be sanctioned.  Instead he’ll likely save it for another event in a place where the commission isn’t so picky about letting ex-champs box guys with zero pro boxing experience.  Might I suggest the city of Japan?

"Here we go. Bloggin’ again." So says Dana White after he and Lorenzo sell some snake oil to a group of Stanford Business students, telling them that their friendship is what has kept the UFC successful. Plus, it’s all about the ride. You can pretty much skip past 2:19-4:44, in which Lorenzo tells a convoluted shaggy dog story (literally/figuratively) which doesn’t really go anywhere. You can also skip through 4:45-6:00 in which Dana plays Pac-Man in his garage. Man, I can’t imagine what landed on the cutting-room floor this time around. Then, Dana’s daughter shows up in an Ed Hardy shirt (LOL, what a douchebag) and his son disses his baldness. A lot of family time, basically, ending with Dana and Lorenzo reunited and heading to Germany. In a way, this vlog entry is much like UFC 96 itself — only interesting if you’re a hardcore fan.

Below: Rejoice! Genghis Con has created a sequel to his groovy Fedor Emelianenko-based film The Last Russian Emperor. Chapter 2 focuses on Fedor’s last five victories (Hunt, Lindland, Choi, Sylvia, Arlovski), with some great behind-the-scenes footage peppered in. The exchange between Aleks and Andrei at the 6:13 mark FTW.

("Well I might be an asshole, but I’m the asshole who just killed this bobcat, so what’s up now?")

MMA Junkie has confirmed the ugly rumors: Tim Sylvia will be strapping on some boxing gloves to take on Ray Mercer in the headlining match of Adrenaline III (May 30th; Trump Taj Mahal Casino Resort, Atlantic City). Though the bout was originally proposed as an MMA match between the former UFC heavyweight champ and the dude who got choked out by Kimbo Slice, Sylvia’s manager Monte Cox had this to say:

Here’s the problem as I see it: There aren’t too many people who want to watch Tim in an MMA match anymore, let alone competing in a less-interesting sport, against a guy who was a champion in 1991. (Though don’t get us wrong, Mercer’s a boxer and Sylvia isn’t, so this actually could turn into another high-profile, embarrassing loss for the Maine-iac.) But honestly, why headline an MMA card with such a meaningless exhibition? Does this mean that Sylvia, who has lost three out of his last four fights, might be transitioning to a new sport? Could we be that lucky?

Well, not so fast. Sylvia’s fight against Ken Shamrock may have fallen apart, but Cox is angling to get Timmy on Affliction’s third fight card against Paul Buentello, as long as it’s not too close to May 30th. Affliction III looks like it’ll go down in June, with Emelianenko vs. Barnett headlining.

Dana White’s UFC 94 video blog, episode 2 – Watch more Free Videos

In the second episode of Dana White’s UFC 94 video blog we get a look inside the taping of “The Ultimate Fighter,” and encounter a man identified as Dana White Sr.  Could this really be the father of the UFC prez?  The brief look we get at their relationship seems contentious yet oddly loving enough.  After that it’s off to NYC for more Pinkberry (so no more Men’s Health cover shoots any time soon, then?) and another race through the city streets.  Oh, to be rich and loaded on sugar.  Nothing at all about GSP-Penn in this episode, by the way.

Andrei Arlovski comes home to Chicago and thanks his fans for their support after his loss, which he attributes to a stupid mistake.  His cameraman, playing the role of the enabling sycophant, insists it was just necessary risk-taking, but Andrei knows better.  He also tosses another jab at “pee-pee-pee taster” Tim Sylvia, because that always makes a man feel better when he’s down in the dumps.

(Props: MMA Mania)

Above: Not only is Fedor Emelianenko a fighter (see the above video for verbal confirmation), he was also the subject of a New York Times profile yesterday. Maybe after Saturday night he’ll finally start getting some damn respect around here. Below: Everything you wanted to know about up-and-coming heavyweight Shane Carwin, courtesy of his newly-launched website, Shane-Carwin.com. After the jump: Tim Sylvia talks about how bad it has sucked to watch his ass getting kicked by Fedor in a seemingly endless loop in all of Affliction’s promotional videos. Also, he calls Andrei Arlovski a "douchebag" and "bad for the sport."