"Here we go. Bloggin’ again." So says Dana White after he and Lorenzo sell some snake oil to a group of Stanford Business students, telling them that their friendship is what has kept the UFC successful. Plus, it’s all about the ride. You can pretty much skip past 2:19-4:44, in which Lorenzo tells a convoluted shaggy dog story (literally/figuratively) which doesn’t really go anywhere. You can also skip through 4:45-6:00 in which Dana plays Pac-Man in his garage. Man, I can’t imagine what landed on the cutting-room floor this time around. Then, Dana’s daughter shows up in an Ed Hardy shirt (LOL, what a douchebag) and his son disses his baldness. A lot of family time, basically, ending with Dana and Lorenzo reunited and heading to Germany. In a way, this vlog entry is much like UFC 96 itself — only interesting if you’re a hardcore fan.

Below: Rejoice! Genghis Con has created a sequel to his groovy Fedor Emelianenko-based film The Last Russian Emperor. Chapter 2 focuses on Fedor’s last five victories (Hunt, Lindland, Choi, Sylvia, Arlovski), with some great behind-the-scenes footage peppered in. The exchange between Aleks and Andrei at the 6:13 mark FTW.

("Well I might be an asshole, but I’m the asshole who just killed this bobcat, so what’s up now?")

MMA Junkie has confirmed the ugly rumors: Tim Sylvia will be strapping on some boxing gloves to take on Ray Mercer in the headlining match of Adrenaline III (May 30th; Trump Taj Mahal Casino Resort, Atlantic City). Though the bout was originally proposed as an MMA match between the former UFC heavyweight champ and the dude who got choked out by Kimbo Slice, Sylvia’s manager Monte Cox had this to say:

Here’s the problem as I see it: There aren’t too many people who want to watch Tim in an MMA match anymore, let alone competing in a less-interesting sport, against a guy who was a champion in 1991. (Though don’t get us wrong, Mercer’s a boxer and Sylvia isn’t, so this actually could turn into another high-profile, embarrassing loss for the Maine-iac.) But honestly, why headline an MMA card with such a meaningless exhibition? Does this mean that Sylvia, who has lost three out of his last four fights, might be transitioning to a new sport? Could we be that lucky?

Well, not so fast. Sylvia’s fight against Ken Shamrock may have fallen apart, but Cox is angling to get Timmy on Affliction’s third fight card against Paul Buentello, as long as it’s not too close to May 30th. Affliction III looks like it’ll go down in June, with Emelianenko vs. Barnett headlining.

Dana White’s UFC 94 video blog, episode 2 – Watch more Free Videos

In the second episode of Dana White’s UFC 94 video blog we get a look inside the taping of “The Ultimate Fighter,” and encounter a man identified as Dana White Sr.  Could this really be the father of the UFC prez?  The brief look we get at their relationship seems contentious yet oddly loving enough.  After that it’s off to NYC for more Pinkberry (so no more Men’s Health cover shoots any time soon, then?) and another race through the city streets.  Oh, to be rich and loaded on sugar.  Nothing at all about GSP-Penn in this episode, by the way.

Andrei Arlovski comes home to Chicago and thanks his fans for their support after his loss, which he attributes to a stupid mistake.  His cameraman, playing the role of the enabling sycophant, insists it was just necessary risk-taking, but Andrei knows better.  He also tosses another jab at “pee-pee-pee taster” Tim Sylvia, because that always makes a man feel better when he’s down in the dumps.

(Props: MMA Mania)

Above: Not only is Fedor Emelianenko a fighter (see the above video for verbal confirmation), he was also the subject of a New York Times profile yesterday. Maybe after Saturday night he’ll finally start getting some damn respect around here. Below: Everything you wanted to know about up-and-coming heavyweight Shane Carwin, courtesy of his newly-launched website, Shane-Carwin.com. After the jump: Tim Sylvia talks about how bad it has sucked to watch his ass getting kicked by Fedor in a seemingly endless loop in all of Affliction’s promotional videos. Also, he calls Andrei Arlovski a "douchebag" and "bad for the sport."

10. Ricardo Almeida guillotines Rob Yundt (2/2/08)
After almost four years away from the game Ricardo Almeida returned at UFC 81 to take on Alaska’s Rob Yundt.  The Gracie fighter wasted no time getting it to the mat and when Yundt tried to reverse postions he locked in a guillotine choke with one arm inside.  Yundt thought he’d just slam his way out, but Almeida wasn’t having it.  He used the momentum to flip Yundt over and then finished the choke from the top position at the 1:08 mark.  Smooth, bra.

9. Yoshiyuki Yoshida chokes out War Machine (5/24/08)

Japan’s Yoshiyuki Yoshida made his UFC debut at UFC 84 against the man then known as Jon Koppenhaver.  Yoshida locked up an anaconda choke less than a minute into the first and Koppenhaver, alpha male that he is, declined to tap and instead took a pleasant little nap.  Okay, so it’s only a technical submission, and not the fanciest finish you’ll ever see, but damn was it satisfying.  War (or Mr. Machine, as he’s known down at the bank) would later get chucked from the UFC for making stupid comments about Evan Tanner’s death and for refusing a fight with Brandon Wolff.  Yoshida would go on to get knocked into a Zen-like peacefulness by Josh Koscheck.

8. B.J. Penn squeezes the juice out of Joe Stevenson (1/19/08)

No matter what Andrei Arlovski was writing down in that video, he’s probably better off taking some of your suggestions. Out of the hundreds of entries we slogged through, here are the top five, which all earn their authors subscriptions to Fight! Magazine:

Ted Nutmeg: Dear Diary,
Well, it happened again today. It seems like every time I turn around some guy is pounding a pussy that I went through two years ago.

Shagen: "Try to do something in the first 36 seconds."

CrushCo: i? F????! ??tt?? ??ty? soo?.

Lysol: "Tell Seth Petruzelli not to make plans on the 24th."

Xian67: http://img201.imageshack.us/img201/5765/notepadtransvn7.jpg

If your name has been called, please send your real names and addresses to feedback@cagepotato.com and we’ll get those subscriptions hooked right up for ya. Good times! As for the rest of you, cheer up by gawking at the lovely ladies in Fight!’s Girl Search finals. That always makes us feel better.

(‘Sup.  Can we talk?)

Hey Ken.  Do you mind if I call you Ken?  Awesome.  Look, Ken, it’s about this Tim Sylvia stuff.  I’m concerned.  I know, I know.  Your management said you weren’t interested, and I was glad to hear it.  But then I heard that these Xp3 people are pressing the issue, planning to put you two into a pay-per-view bout in the spring of ’09.  Pay-per-view, Ken.  

The reason I’m concerned is because I think I know how this will play out.  First you’ll say no, then Big Tim will launch some half-assed personal assault against you in the media, and that’s when, easily infuriated as you are, you’ll give in.  Also, there’s money involved.  You know how you get when you’re mad and there’s money.  It isn’t pretty.

But Ken, I’m here to tell you that no matter how much you’re tempted – and you will be tempted – you can’t take this fight.  It’s like the sirens’ song: you’ve just got to tie yourself down and resist it, because it will only result in ruin.  Don’t believe me?  Well here are five good reasons why it’s a horrible idea.  Please, take a look.

1. You’ll lose…again.

I know everyone said the same thing about the Kimbo Slice fight that you had to pull out of.  And while I think they were probably right then, they’re definitely right now.  With Kimbo you had a reasonable shot to get him down and submit him.  You have much less of a shot against Sylvia.  His takedown defense is good and his jiu-jitsu is solidly in the ‘aiiiight’ range.  So he’ll just stand at a distance and hit you with those weird, lanky arms of his until you fall down.  Then he’ll act like he’s the king of the world and you’ll complain to the ref that it was an early stoppage.  It will be a huge mess.

(Photo courtesy of Tim-Sylvia.com)

Tim Sylvia, who has been laying low since his 36-second humiliation at the hands of Fedor Emelianenko in July, may return to competition in a month — on the other side of the world. According to a new report on Sherdog, Sylvia’s manager Monte Cox is angling to get him booked at either DREAM/K-1′s "Dynamite!!" event on New Year’s Eve, or Sengoku 7 on January 4th. Cox said that Sylvia has been granted a "certificate of eligibility" to participate in either promotion, and confirmed that he won’t be a part of Affliction’s second show on January 24th. No word yet on who the Maine-iac might be facing in Japan; as he told Sherdog, "I don’t think anyone ever knows until about a week before they fight."

But there is somebody that Timmy does have his eyes on: None other than MMA cautionary tale Ken Shamrock. As Sylvia tells it, “I was supposed to fight Ken Shamrock December 20…in a small show called XP3 Promotions. I believe in Texas, but it’s postponed to February now." But why on Earth would Sylvia want to fight a 44-year-old light-heavyweight who’s lost seven of his last eight fights? Well:

(Oh. No. She. Didn’t.)

- Matt Lindland’s MMA career now fodder for political smear campaign. (MMA Payout)

- Dana White says Anderson Silva could fight GSP, but never B.J. Penn. (The Sun)

- Little Nog is headed to Japan again, this time for Sengoku. (Fight Ticker)

- Chris Horodecki considering a fight in Japan while he waits for Affliction II. (MMA Weekly)

- Tim Sylvia headed to Dream or Sengoku? Really? (Nightmare of Battle)

- Fedor could fight Arlovski next, or Barnett. Who knows!? (MMA Fanhouse)

- Chuck Liddell turned away from big shot nightclub, and he’s not pleased. (TMZ)

- Robert Drysdale talks MMA debut. (Tatame)

- A movie trailer that is better than most actual movies. (Holy Taco)

- Life after Lehman Brothers. (Wall Street Fighter)

- Seven most underrated hot chicks on TV. (Screen Junkies)

- Brtual broken bottle beatdown. (Nothing Toxic)

(Jerome would like to know if you’re going to finish that baguette.)

MMA Weekly is reporting that Affliction is in negotiations with French kickboxer Jerome Le Banner, with the intention of setting up a fight between the former K-1 star and Tim Sylvia for Affliction’s third MMA show (early ’09, location TBA). According to Le Banner’s agent Alan Kermorvan, “We have been talking with Tom Atencio for about two weeks about this possibility…I’m pretty sure we can work out something pretty quickly, it’s just not signed yet.”

Though he never held a title in K-1, Le Banner holds notable kickboxing wins over Peter Aerts, Ernesto Hoost, Gary Goodridge, Don Frye, Mark Hunt, and Hong Man Choi. He is 3-1-1 as a mixed martial artist, with his last MMA fight resulting in a first-round knockout victory over Jimmy Ambriz at K-1 Hero’s 4 in March 2006.

A matchup between Sylvia and JLB would represent the culmination of a rather-entertaining war of words that’s gone on for the last couple years, which began with Le Banner publicly dissing the Maine-iac for being a boring fighter with overrated striking. Sylvia responded by challenging Le Banner to a fight on his home turf, but the match didn’t come together due to Le Banner’s refusal to sign an exclusive, multi-fight deal with the UFC. In an interview with Fighthype last December, Le Banner referred to Sylvia as “big sausage,” and called him “so ugly and annoying.”

In addition to Affliction’s pursuit of Le Banner, Tom Atencio told MMANews.com that he’s interested in signing Sergei Kharitonov, the heavyweight PRIDE standout who was briefly rumored to be fighting Antonio Silva for EliteXC’s heavyweight title.

(Props: MMA Scraps)

I’ll assume that by now you’ve all watched and re-watched Bas Rutten’s infamous bar-fight self-defense video dozens and dozens of times. Well, a Canadian comedian/MTV Live host named Daryn Jones has also seen it, and he put together a series of parodies spoofing the sadism and matter-of-fact delivery that made the original so beloved. His first clip is above; you can watch parts 2-4 here.

So, whatever, good for a chuckle. Problem is, Bas Himself has seen the clips (!!!), and he’s none too pleased. His video response is below. Hope it was worth it, funny man — you’re now on Bas’s dangada-dangada list. But besides the obvious lesson of you don’t mess with El Guapo, we also learn a couple more things in the video: 1) Rutten likes to drink pond scum, straight up. 2) His Tony Montana impression is shockingly good for a Dutchman. Enjoy.

Unrelated hilarity after the jump.

(Props: MMA Scraps)

The year was 2004. Britney Spears was still skinny and childless. “Deadwood” had just premiered on HBO. Janet Jackson sparked controversy by showing the world her wonderful, glorious nipple during the Super Bowl XXXVIII halftime show. It was a different time, a simpler time.

It was also the last time Ken Shamrock’s hand was raised in MMA victory, after a TKO via knee 1:26 into round one against Kimo Leopoldo at UFC 48: Payback. On the same fight card, Frank Mir broke Tim Sylvia’s arm, and a little-known fighter by the name of Georges St. Pierre knocked out Jay Hieron on the undercard.

Now here we are, four years (and, for Shamrock, five straight losses) later, and “The World’s Most Dangerous Man” is preparing to headline a fight on CBS against Kimbo Slice, a former backyard brawler now trained by Bas Rutten. If that’s possible, just imagine where we’ll be four years from now. The world is indeed a strange and inscrutable place.

(If you won’t pay to watch Fedor beat up this man, what will you pay for?)

The quest to figure out how much money Affliction made off their first event continues, and in the latest installment Dave Meltzer revises some of his earlier figures. You may recall that Meltzer first reported that “independent estimates” had pegged the number at 50,000-85,000 pay-per-view buys — far from the “well over 100,000″ that VP Tom Atencio was claiming. In a recent issue of his Wrestling Observer newsletter (via MMA Payout) he says the organization may have done six figures after all:

It’s been hard to narrow down a buy rate for the Affliction show. Promoter Tom Atencio has claimed the figure was more than 100,000. Updated cable sources we’ve checked with have estimated from a low of 65,000 to a high of 100,000. Either way, the number is both excellent by the standards of a promotion with no television (it beats anything TNA has done with 2 million weekly TV viewers), but as noted over and over, it’s a substantial money loser.

A high of 100,000 isn’t so bad for a first pay-per-view event, really. If the reports keep changing at this rate maybe they’ll crack 200,000 some time around Christmas. Though by then we’ll all be speculating about the success of their second show, and Tom Atencio will be claiming they did well over 500,000 buys. Thus the circle of life goes on.

Slightly related: There’s some speculation that recently-signed Affliction fighter Chris Horodecki may face Dan Lauzon (Joe Lauzon’s brother) at “Day of Reckoning” in October. Like Horodecki, Lauzon is also just twenty years old and yet looks like he’s fourteen. Maybe after they fight they can both go hang around out in front of a liquor store together and try to convince someone to buy them beer.

From Yahoo! Sports via Bloody Elbow:

“[Fedor Emelianenko is] not the best pound-for-pound fighter, not even close, but he’s one of the four or five best heavyweights…But we all have to thank him for getting rid of Tim Sylvia. He’d been stinking out the joint the last couple of years and Fedor did everyone a favor by beating him so easily and getting rid of him.”

Daaaaaaamn! You may remember that Dana had previously called Fedor a farce who wasn’t a top five heavyweight, but admitted that his opinion was changed after Affliction: Banned because “Tim Sylvia was a real opponent.” Despite Sylvia’s stinkiness, beating him made Fedor a top-fiver in Dana’s eyes. The optimist in me wonders if Dana is making this mild public praise because hosting a Randy vs. Fedor fight in the UFC is still a possibility, and he doesn’t want the last thing fans hear him say about Emelianenko to be “this dude’s a joke.” If the fight did come together, I wonder what White would say about him then?

Luckily, we already know that Dana’s words mean little to Fedor — particularly because he doesn’t consider himself to be the best pound-for-pound fighter either:

Ben Rothwell confirmed today that he will face Pedro Rizzo on the next Affliction show in Las Vegas on October 11. The bout has been officially signed, Rothwell told CagePotato.com, though it was agreed to on separate terms from his original contract, which means he will be taking a pay cut for this fight but still has two more fights at the previous rate on his existing contract with Affliction.

“[Agent] Monte [Cox] turned down their original offer for this fight, so that’s why he said none of his guys would be fighting on the show. Then they came back with another offer that was better, so we agreed to it,” Rothwell said.

Fighting a legend of the sport like Rizzo is something Rothwell says he’s ambivalent about, however.

“With Pedro, I not only respect his abilities, I watched him as a kid just getting into this sport. He’s one of the most down-to-earth, nicest guys in this sport, so on that level I don’t really want to fight him. But the fighter in me is amped for this. I’m going to go out there and do what I didn’t do against Andrei Arlovski.”

Rothwell said that he spoke with Rizzo at their first Affliction show and they both sensed that they may face each other next.

“I said I was going to ask for Buentello,” said Rothwell. “Then he said he was going to ask for Buentello. And Tim [Sylvia] also asked for Buentello.”

Rothwell criticized a report to the effect that he might face K-1 kickboxer “Mighty Mo” Siliga as completely false, adding that Siliga hadn’t ever been mentioned as a potential opponent.

In this video from RawVegas.tv, Russian stoic philosopher Fedor Emelianenko drops some knowledge regarding the issues of the day, including his thoughts on Randy Couture and his somewhat surprising admission that he is impressed by Brock Lesnar. My personal favorite is when he responds to Dana White’s earlier criticism of him by remarking that the UFC president’s comments are on his own conscience and he’s the one who will have to live with them. These are the moments that make me wonder if Fedor isn’t some being sent from another world in order to teach us all to be kinder to one another. Then I rewatch his bout with Tim Sylvia and I am forced to abandon that theory.

(Is Jay Hieron the latest IFL refugee to be rescued by Affliction?)

Some more news and rumors emerging about Affliction’s October 11th show in Las Vegas…

— Tim Sylvia and Ben Rothwell’s agent Monte Cox has informed Five Ounces of Pain that the two Miletich big boys are unlikely to be added to “Day of Reckoning,” though they could be part of Affliction’s third event.

— According to Tom Atencio, Aleksander Emelianenko “still faces licensing problems” and will not fight at “Day of Reckoning.” Said the CSAC’s Bill Douglas: “The one thing that I can absolutely say is that he (Emelianenko) was not and will not be cleared to fight in California. He is officially denied a license and that will stand for all of the United States of America.” The reason for Emelianenko’s rejection is still unclear, though he and his camp continue to refute reports that he tested positive for Hepatitis B before “Banned.”

— According to MMA Junkie, the middleweight bout between Matt Lindland and Vitor Belfort that was slated for “Day of Reckoning” could be scratched due to a hand injury suffered by Belfort. No word yet on who might replace him on the card against Lindland.

— And finally, some good news: Junkie also reports that IFL welterweight champ Jay Hieron has been approached by Affliction and is expected to compete at their October event against an opponent to be determined later. If this is true, Hieron would be the third reigning IFL champion that Affliction has picked up, after Roy Nelson and Vladimir Matyushenko. Of the remaining three, middleweight champ Dan Miller signed with the UFC, Ryan Schultz is heading to Japan to be a part of Sengoku’s lightweight GP, and featherweight champ Wagnney Fabiano is apparently still weighing his options.

(The Maine-iac may go from being grossly, grossly overpaid, to just grossly overpaid. Photo courtesy of Tim-Sylvia.com.)

Dave Meltzer is reporting that Affliction VP Tom Atencio will be asking certain Affliction fighters to take a pay cut to fight in their next event (October 11th, Las Vegas):

The promotion has talked with some fighters about doing the 10/11 show for 50% of what they made on the first show but in return they would give those fighters easy opponents.

Overpaid fighters who could use an easier opponent the next time out? They might as well have called Tim Sylvia out by name — though Ben Rothwell and Matt Lindland could fit that description as well. For the record, Josh Barnett has stated that he would not accept a pay cut to fight again for Affliction; he previously made $300,000 with no win bonus for his knockout of Pedro Rizzo.

BloodyElbow also points out that the Thomas & Mack Center’s Affliction page lists Affliction II’s main event as “Arlovski vs. TBD!” — suggesting that the return of Fedor Emelianenko might not be a done deal after all. Well sure, I mean he just went 36 seconds with one of the top ten heavyweights in the world; the man could use another three-year break…

Related: The weirdest thing I came across while doing a Google Image Search for “Tim Sylvia.”

(Did Fedor make approximately 640,000 ice cream cones at Affliction? Oh, would that he had more than two hands.)

We all knew there was no way in hell that Fedor Emelianenko only pocketed $300,000 for throttling Tim Sylvia at Affliction: Banned, as was reported in the official payout figures from the CSAC. Word had it that he got “a sizable” amount of his money in the form of a signing bonus. Now FightLine.com says they have sources telling them that the figure was $1.3 million, bringing his total cheddar from the event to $1.6 million.

Sizable? Yeah, we’d say so. Especially since he owns the right to his fight footage in Europe, which is both a little weird and totally awesome. So this seems to be more in line with what we’d expect Fedor to be getting paid, right? After all, if Tim Sylvia got $800,000, and Fedor is at least twice as valuable, $1.6 mill is right on the button.

But if we’re to believe everything we read (and we do, even science fiction, which explains why we’re terrified of Asimov’s robots) Fedor was offered and declined a deal for more money with the UFC. Dave Meltzer wrote recently that Emelianenko was offered “a seven-figure signing bonus and a minimum of $1.5 million per fight.”

If that’s true — and we’ll point out that Meltzer is probably getting his info from the UFC on this one, who also once claimed that they totally weren’t offering Fedor waaaaaay more than Randy Couture, who as you’ll recall got pissed off enough to leave behind these failed negotiations — then something isn’t adding up here. Or else Fedor and his management team love their video rights and their freedom more than cash. Or else they’re dumb.

From the Houston Chronicle, Jared Barnes talks with Tim Sylvia about the state of his career and the potential for WAMMA’s legitimacy. Sylvia is under the impression that he’ll be fighting on the second Affliction show in October, but won’t say who he might face. He also says that he’d eventually like a rematch with Fedor, presumably because it’s a great way to get paid without having to be in the ring very long. He also manages to talk a little smack about Ricco Rodriguez. Just proves that no matter how low you’re feeling, there’s always someone down there for you to kick.

(Fighter salaries for Affliction: Banned, from SI.com via MMA Mania. Click for larger image.)

One major caveat before we get started — there’s no way that Fedor Emelianenko made a half-million less than Tim Sylvia to be on this card. Either he was given a large signing bonus, or he’s getting a cut of the PPV, or both. No, I don’t have a source on that; you’ll just have to trust me.

Now that that’s out of the way, HOLY CRAP. There’s a difference between paying well and guaranteeing that your promotion will be a money-loser. When they left the UFC, Andrei Arlovski was making $105,000 to show with a $65,000 win bonus, and Tim Sylvia was making $100,000/$100,000. Atencio & Co. could have very generously offered these guys double what they were making, with the promise that contracts could be renegotiated when Affliction’s MMA promotion gets on its feet, financially speaking. In its infinite wisdom, Affliction quintupled and octupled Arlovski and Sylvia’s previous base salaries right off the freakin’ bat. Dana White is seeing these numbers and laughing his pale ass off.

Randy Couture told Fox Sports that he’s expecting a ruling to be handed down this week in the Texas court where his UFC contract is being examined. Will he be free and clear in October, when the no-compete clause ends? Or will the two fights left on his contract and the “champions clause” hold up? We just don’t know, and even if we did know, there’s still the business of appeals to wade through after the ruling. But there is some indication that Couture’s attitude towards his former employers may have softened:

Couture said his status probably won’t be finalized even after the ruling because appeals are expected from the losing party. But Couture said he ultimately expects to face Emelianenko, the renowned Russian fighter who scored a 36-second submission victory over Tim Sylvia in the main event of Saturday night’s Affliction pay-per-view show in Anaheim.

“When, where and with what promotion — we don’t know,” said Couture, who exchanged challenges with Emelianenko after the Affliction show. “It could happen in UFC. We just don’t know. I want it to happen. Fedor wants it to happen. In some way, shape or form, we’re going to make it happen.”

Is this a subtle olive branch from “The Natural”? Could he be trying to tell the UFC that if they can still give him the Fedor fight, all is forgiven?

(Photo courtesy of Combat Lifestyle.)

Something strange happened at the Affliction post-fight press conference last night. Co-promoter Roy Englebrecht got up in front of the microphone and thanked the media for their support. Then VP Tom Atencio did the same thing.

‘They must be talking about the L.A. Times,’ I thought to myself. But then they specifically mentioned all the blogs and the websites. As in, the MMA blogs. On the internet. Where the pussies live. Was I dreaming? An MMA organization that puts on a blockbuster card and yet still sees the MMA media as something other than an inevitable aggravation? Was that even possible?

Affliction thinks so. Their first event was not without a few snags — like trouble with the in-arena audio and long, unexplained delays that even forced the cancellation of the Justin Levens-Ray Lizama bout due to time constraints — but they still delivered something unforgettable. In front of almost 14,000 fans in Anaheim, they proved that there really is such thing as an MMA fan base, rather than simply a UFC one.

Of course, that’s a little easier when you’ve got Fedor on your team.

After destroying Tim Sylvia in thirty-six seconds, the number one heavyweight on the planet showed up at the press conference looking in all ways like an unremarkable man. He smiled shyly, as if embarrassed by all the attention, and played down his own accomplishments while saying that his celebration would include a trip to “the big rollercoasters” at Six Flags Magic Mountain.

(“What’s up, Anaheim! I just gotta know one thing…HOW’S! TASTE! MY PEE-PEE-PEEEEEEEEEE!!!”)

Can a t-shirt company put together an MMA card that outclasses the UFC? Will Fedor Emelianenko prove he’s still the #1 heavyweight in the world? Will Megadeth play “Symphony of Destruction”? So many questions, and they’ll all be answered tonight, folks. After the jump you’ll find results for Affliction: Banned’s undercard (spoiler alert, obvi), and a full-on play-by-play of the pay-per-view broadcast beginning at 9 p.m. ET. Refresh your browser every few minutes for all the latest, and give us your own thoughts in the comments section. Skulls and wings, baby; skulls and wings…

At the “Affliction: Banned” weigh-ins, MMA Rated‘s Ariel Helwani caught up with our own Ben Fowlkes to discuss the fights, Tim Sylvia’s chronic unpopularity, and BF’s strong personal connection with Ben Rothwell. Props to Fowlkes for resisting the urge to grab the mic from Helwani and shout out his long list of sponsors.

On a sadder note, it’s looking like my home base of Brooklyn, NY, is one of the many (or so I’m hearing) markets that’s not carrying the Affliction undercard live on Fox Sports Net. Total freakin’ bummer; holler if that’s happening to you too. In any event, I’ll still be posting live results for those first three fights, starting at 8 p.m. ET — I just won’t be able to do a play-by-play. But hey, Aleks isn’t fighting now, so who cares anyway?

(Ladies go crazy for a sharp-dressed man, courtesy of Combat Lifestyle.)

One thing I’m going to miss with Gary Shaw backing into the shadows at Pro Elite is the name-calling and childish back-and-forth between he and Dana White. It was just so entertaining, what a shame to see it go. But the Dana White-Tom Atencio rivalry could be the next best thing. Sure, Atencio doesn’t wear a track suit, but he does have a wardrobe that appears to consist entirely of Affliction t-shirts, which is almost as good. Plus now he’s taking pages out of the Dana White playbook:

For the money-conscious cable-ready consumer, the difference between watching a free UFC show and paying $39.95 to watch Affliction might be a no-contest.

Affliction appeared to land one last counterpunch, however, making a deal to broadcast its card on closed-circuit television at Gold Coast casino, which is directly across from the Palms on Flamingo Road.

“It’s just another opportunity to watch our fight,” Atencio said.

Granted, it’s more of a symbolic gesture and not quite on par with scheduling an event on the same night as your competitor, but you have to love how Atencio — like White — plays dumb about it. The L.A. Times article actually has quite a few fun nuggets, most notably quotes from White where he plays the role of grizzled veteran MMA promoter:

(One more Ben never hurt anything.)

At Wednesday’s press conference in Los Angeles every single Affliction employee made sure to refer to their event as “the biggest event in MMA history.” That may be a blatant exaggeration, but this coming weekend is still a monumental one for our sport, not to mention a great one for those of us who love it. With that in mind, we bring you another edition of Ben vs. Ben, where Cage Potato’s similarly named editors battle it out. This time it’s personal.

Which underdog has the best chance of scoring an upset this weekend?

Fowlkes: There are underdogs and then there are underdogs. By that I mean there are the guys who are betting underdogs and the guys who are mostly just perceived to be underdogs, even if the line on them doesn’t really reflect it.

For the latter I like Ben Rothwell. It might only be a mild upset for him to beat Andrei Arlovski, but it would go a long way toward silencing the Rothwell haters who still think his thirteen-fight win streak was all IFL hype. Some of it was, sure, but Rothwell is a monster. He can do everything Arlovski does, only better. He’s also matured and become a real workhorse in the gym since leaving the IFL, whereas a lot of guys might have slacked off with no fights on the horizon.

As for real betting underdogs, at +400 Reese Andy’s my man (okay, so the old IFL loyalties are starting to show, I admit it). It’s not that he’s so much better than Brandon Vera, but I just don’t believe Vera’s head is really in this fight. He’s still dwelling on the Werdum fight, still feeling like he ought to be a heavyweight, and now Andy’s going to come in, take him down, and grind away at his face for a decision victory. It’s definitely not out of the question.

Goldstein: Wow. You should have prefaced that response with “Caution: Extreme Nuthugging Ahead.” I like Rothwell too, but to say that he does everything Arlovski does, only better — well, it’s a statement that can only be proved by the fight itself. Still, I have to agree that Rothwell has a good shot at surprising a lot of people. Arlovski vs. Rothwell is the only fight on the Affliction main card that isn’t completely lopsided, and Big Ben has the tools to win.

(Tim really needs to stop taking advice from German teenagers about how to look cool and pick up chicks.)

We’re approaching a monumental weekend for MMA fans. One great advantage is the opportunity to throw away even more money betting on it. And here you thought you couldn’t go bankrupt just by staying home this weekend. With so many fights, we’ll just focus on the interesting ones, though interesting could mean a lot of different things when it comes to gambling.

For odds on the big fights, Bodog has you covered. For undercard action, check out Bookmaker. Don’t forget our always helpful MMA Betting For ‘Tards if you need to brush up.

Fedor Emelianenko (-400) vs. Tim Sylvia (+275)

It’s no surprise to see Fedor as the favorite here. Even amid rumors that he may be injured, he’s still Fedor. But if you’re of the opinion that Sylvia has just the right skill set to dethrone him, this line is about as good as you can hope for. Crazier things have happened (the Hindenburg explosion, that was pretty crazy, right?), and small action could still yield big results. You just don’t want to make Tim Sylvia your only hope for winning your girlfriend’s engagement ring back from that creepy guy who fleeced you on the Matt Hughes-Thiago Alves fight. You know the guy. He operates out of the Super 8. Doesn’t matter what city you live in.

Anderson Silva (-500) vs. James Irvin (+350)

Now here’s where you find out just what kind of a degenerate gambler you are. You don’t really believe that James Irvin is going to win — honestly, you don’t — but if you manage to talk yourself into it you must really be addicted to that rush.

Simply put, even with these odds Irvin is a worse bet than Sylvia. Sylvia’s size advantage might actually mean something, plus Fedor may or may not be injured/rusty. Silva is none of those things. That’s the story the odds are telling, and it’s the plain truth. Get it through your head and then move on.

Andrei Arlovski (-275) vs. Ben Rothwell (+215)

(2:03-2:20)
Ariel Helwani: I gotta ask you this final question, though, because there was a lot of talk online, I’m sure you know about it, Tim Sylvia and your former ex-girlfriend, what was up with all that stuff?
Andrei Arlovski: You know what, I’m not interested, and it’s his business, and if he did something with her, I just want to ask him, eh, Tim, how’s taste my pee-pee-pee, okay?

No formal statement from Tim yet on the pee-pee-pee situation, though we imagine his reaction was something like this.

(Props: “xakx” on the UG)

When the Affliction: Banned media tour came to the Trump Towers in New York City, it was hard to say who the fans were lined up to see. With so many international MMA stars on one stage, it was a toss-up. But by the time they left there was no question who had stolen the show and cemented himself in the minds of all those present. As soon as Josh Barnett took the microphone in hand, it was almost a foregone conclusion.

Now the talented heavyweight and star pro wrestler in Japan talks to Cage Potato about his career in the U.S. and abroad, about his upcoming fight against Pedro Rizzo, and much more.

CagePotato.com: Thanks for talking with me, Josh. Pedro Rizzo seems like an interesting opponent for you right now. What have you been doing to get ready for him?

Same thing I always do, training really hard in all aspects of mixed martial arts. I’ve got some really good sparring partners, like Babalu, Jamie Fletcher, and Ben Jones, who are in here every day, helping me out. I’ve also been working with a couple of boxing coaches, too, just to help work on some of the standup aspects because I wouldn’t mind knocking [Rizzo] out. So a guy named Oscar Muniz and Marvin Cooke have been helping me, and it’s just a pretty steady training camp.

Are you worried that if you go in there planning on standing and striking with him that you won’t use your grappling, where you seem to have the edge?

There’s no reason to worry. There’s no place for worry or doubt in anything that you do in the fight. I know I can fight smart. I’m going to go out there and see what’s available. I’m not going to force any particular game plan on to the fight. But I will make things go my way. There’s no worries, no concerns.

Affliction has mentioned having the winner of your fight face the winner of the Fedor-Sylvia fight at their next event. Do you think that’s really going to happen, and are you going to be paying close attention to all the other heavyweight fights on the card, just in case?