(Charles “Chainsaw” McCarthy, lookin’ svelte!)

— Contradicting earlier rumors that Michael Bisping’s first opponent as a middleweight will be Evan Tanner, Sherdog is reporting that Bisping will face Charles McCarthy in London on March 8. Nicknamed “Captain Miserable” on the fourth season of The Ultimate Fighter, McCarthy’s last match was a submission victory over Gideon Ray in November 2006. With UFC 82 scheduled for March 1 in Columbus, this could mean that the Bisping/McCarthy bout is part of a UFC Fight Night card — or, the entire thing could be made up, which is always a possibility.

According to an interview on The Fight Network, Brandon Vera has decided to stay at heavyweight, despite Joe Silva’s advice to drop down to light-heavy after his loss to Tim Sylvia at UFC 77:

“I was like, ‘For what? I ain’t moving nowhere,’” Vera said. “Why the hell would I even think of moving [down]? I have a whole bunch of stuff to do still. I’ve got to beat Tim. I’m not going to let that one go. Our paths will cross again, I promise…To me, that wasn’t even a loss. I didn’t catch an ass whoopin’. I didn’t get beat down.”

Vera suffered a broken hand during the fight that affected him in the clinch, and required a four-hour operation and three screws to repair. He has five fights left on his UFC contract, and will be ready to fight again as early as mid-April.

Personally, I’d stay at heavyweight too if I were Vera. The UFC’s heavyweight division is an all-inclusive resort compared to the grinder known as the 205-pound division. Unless Brock Lesnar can bring in the Undertaker and The Big Show to thicken up the weight class, Vera is top ten just by showing up, and he never has to worry about shedding his love-handles. Must be nice!

— According to The Fight Network, veteran UFC ref “Big” John McCarthy will be making an “important announcement regarding his future” during a teleconference on Friday morning. John, please don’t walk away from the Octagon — now is the time when we need you the most.

— Tim Sylvia will be fighting at UFC 81, against a fighter who hasn’t been named yet. If the match isn’t against Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira for the vacant heavyweight title, UFC 81 would be the fourth-consecutive pay-per-view UFC event without a championship fight.

— Sean Sherk won’t fight in the state of California ever again. BJ Penn won’t fight Sean Sherk anywhere.

— Matt Serra will be hosting a viewing party for UFC 79 at Madison Square Garden. UFC fan club members can purchase tickets starting tomorrow, UFC.com newsletter subscribers can buy ‘em starting Friday (with the pre-sale password “SERRA”), and the general public can pick up what’s left on Sunday. The price is $30 for a general admission ticket, or $25 if you order before 12/22 — a small price to pay for the opportunity to start chants of “BRIDGE AND TUNNEL!” as soon as Serra shows up to sign autographs. With MMA competitions banned in New York state, watching a jumbotron surrounded by drunk meatheads is as good as it gets!

In his meeting with Dana White last Tuesday, Randy Couture turned down a proposed title defense against Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira at UFC 81. Most likely, Nogueira will instead face Tim Sylvia for the UFC’s vacant heavyweight title.

Man, fuck you Randy. I know it’s not totally your fault that the UFC’s heavyweight division is so thin that Tim Sylvia — a guy who nobody likes to see on fight cards — gets so many goddamned title shots. But this is not helping. You have one more fight left on your contract. One. Suck it up. Or, you can just play with your stupid little puppy all day and squander the golden years of your fighting career on an acting boondoggle, and eventually fall into obscurity. You know, whatever’s best for the fans.

According to Canvas Chronicle, Tim Sylvia will face Antonio Rodrigo “Minotauro” Nogueira at UFC 81 for the vacant heavyweight title. Feel free to harass the Chronicle’s editor Ric Gillespie (ric@canvaschronicle.com) until the bastard reveals his source.

UFC.com has reported that ex-WWE star Brock Lesnar’s first opponent in the UFC will be former heavyweight champion Frank Mir; the fight will go down on February 2 in Las Vegas. Mir is best known for his controversial June 2004 title match against Tim Sylvia, where referee Herb Dean stopped the fight 50 seconds into the first round after Sylvia’s forearm snapped in an armbar. Sylvia didn’t tap out, and refused to acknowledge that his arm was broken:



Mir was badly injured in a motorcycle accident three months after winning the heavyweight belt, and has been 2-2 since then. Still, he’s an ideal matchup for Lesnar; as much as fans want to see Lesnar challenged in his first fight, they also don’t want to see him steamrolled by a superstar at the top of his game. And Mir, who has scored six of his ten professional wins by submission, will certainly put Brock’s wrestling skills to the test. I’m not prepared to make a prediction at this point, so instead I’ll present my favorite paragraph from Tim Sylvia’s wikipedia page:

“Despite having been the UFC heavyweight champion and earning six-figures per fight, Tim Sylvia is always seeking new sources of revenue. While champion, he attempted to sell a Playstation 3 on eBay for well over retail price (although he did generously offer to autograph the box.) He also once, while still UFC heavyweight champion, raffled off the opportunity to go bear hunting with him in Ontario…tickets were $100 each, and ticket sales were limited to 100. This adds up to $10,000. There was nothing in the raffle to indicate that the money would go to any sort of charity, or to anyone other than Sylvia himself.”