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15 Moments of Instant Regret [GIFs]

Tag: Tito Ortiz

Here’s What a UFC Magic the Gathering Set Looks Like

You didn’t hear about Dana White’s latest announcement: An MMA-related Magic the Gathering set?

Well,there’s a reason you didn’t hear about it: It didn’t happen. Thankfully, one of our favorite past times is figuring out what products should needlessly be merged with our MMA obsession. A few days ago, we arrived at Magic the Gathering (MTG for short). We played the addictive card game back in high school. We wondered what a set of MTG that spans the entire MMA world might look like. The below cards–featuring the likes of Dana White, Conor McGregor, Greg Jackson, as well as several “MMA memes”–are the result of our mental meandering.

A few notes: We haven’t played Magic in about 10 years so some of the gameplay semantics might not be totally accurate. Also, some of the abilities are for the purposes of chiding MMA as only irreverent CagePotato can. All real photos in the cards come from Getty Images, save for the photo of “Minowaman” Ikuhisa Minowa, which comes from Sherdog. Another card’s image comes from a YouTube screen capture (you’ll know which one).

With that, here are the cards. We hope you enjoy them:

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Stephan Bonnar, Justin McCully Admit to Pre-Planning Atrocious Bellator 123 “Brawl” [SHOCKED FACE]


(Bellator 131: Stubble. Will. Reign.)

I know it’s only Monday morning, but are you guys ready to have your f*cking minds blown?!! Because it turns out that, contrary to the opinions of almost everyone who witnessed it live, the super awesome Stephan Bonnar-Tito Ortiz brawl at Bellator 123 *might* have been pre-planned. I know, right? So sayeth Bonnar himself:

Listen @Lowkey1324, @titoortiz is a self absorbed ego maniac.The world needed 2 know.Tito, Coker, @BellatorMMA & @SpikeTV, didn’t know shit! It was all me & @JustinMcCully. If u wanna hate us 4 pulling a pro wrestling esque promo off while calling tito out on the BS he’s pulled on people over the years..Then by all means, go buy yourself some punishment gear, a front row ticket, and be sure to bring a rain coat, cuz things r gonna get bloody.

Well I don’t know about you guys, but I am shocked. Shocked I tells ya!! I could have sworn that cornrows rapist mask executioner mask guy was legitimately just there for moral support, and that Bonnar’s hi-larious Jenna Jameson jokes were ripped from the top of his dome, but now I feel cheated. Embarassed for the sport, even. So I say shame on you, Stephan Bonnar, for toying with our emotions so carelessly during an otherwise pleasant evening of fights. I can’t even look at you anymore, and it’s not just because you’re making that face again.

But I’m sure we’re all still wondering, whose idea was the f*cking rape mask? Well…

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Here’s a Video of the Tito Ortiz-Stephan Bonnar Brawl (That Was In No Way Staged)

Tito Ortiz and Stephan Bonnar got into a brawl last night at Bellator 123.

It wasn’t a Jon Jones-Daniel Cormier brawl.

It wasn’t even a Strikeforce: Nashville brawl between Mayhem Miller and Nick Diaz’s crew.

It was a terribly phony, laughable, obviously staged “scuffle” that brought down an otherwise stellar Bellator card.

Get the rundown after the jump.

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Stephan Bonnar Comes Out of Retirement to Sign With Bellator, Fight Against Tito Ortiz Likely


(Photo via MMAWeekly)

Back in October 2012, Stephan Bonnar announced his retirement from MMA following his TKO loss to Anderson Silva at UFC 153. Then, he tested positive for steroids. Then, he was somehow inducted into the UFC Hall of Fame — an unexpectedly positive end to a mostly-respectable career.

Except it wasn’t the end. According to a report from Ariel Helwani, Bonnar has signed a multi-fight contract with Bellator, and may also do some broadcasting work for the promotion on Spike TV. Bonnar’s debut date and opponent haven’t been revealed yet, but the rumor is that he’ll be fighting fellow UFC HoF’er Tito Ortiz, and he’s already angling for the match:

“I want everyone to know I’m coming out of retirement because it’s time to free the MMA world of the virus that’s known as Tito Ortiz,” Bonnar said in a statement provided by Bellator. “We’ve been suffering through his boring fights for too many years, and it’s about time that someone beats it out of him once and for all.”

In response, Ortiz promised to beat the juice out of him, and called him a #BitchBoy. Strong words, indeed.

Just four months ago, Bonnar told BloodyElbow that he wouldn’t fight for any other promotion besides the UFC, and that he’s currently enjoying his new life as a day-trader. (“It’s about loyalty,” Bonnar said. “More than anything, I take pride in being a part of the UFC and I wouldn’t want to screw that up.”) Well, loyalty only goes so far when Spikeforce is dangling a huge paycheck in front of you.

Bellator CEO Scott Coker had this to say about the Bonnar signing:

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Why Is Mark Hunt Under the Impression That He’s Been Released by the UFC?


(Yeah, that was pretty much our reaction to this news.)

We’re not sure if this is a simple miscommunication or some Jon Jones-level troll job, but for some reason, heavyweight contender and PRIDE legend Mark Hunt recently took to Twitter to lament his apparent release from the UFC, stating:

Well I’m unemployed that sucks. Not my choice guys but going from being exited [sic] at the prospects of the future of fighting to being unemployed in a day lol this sucks. 

This of course led to some public outcry, because nobody sweeps “The Super Samoan” under the rug like he’s just some…regular Samoan. Nobody. Enraged fans proceeded to put Daddy Dana on blast via the Twitter, which led to this concise yet somehow ridiculously hyperbolic response from the UFC prez…

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CagePotato Roundtable #33: What is the Greatest One-Minute Fight of All Time?


( *sigh* They just don’t make squash matches like they used to. Photo via Getty.)

How good can a fight *really* be if it ends quicker than Michael Bisping’s prom night? That’s just the question we’re trying to answer this week, and we’ve got a whole slew of special guests to help us: Sydnie Jones of WomensMMA (making her second CP Roundtable appearance), Tim Burke (formerly of BloodyElbow), MiddleEasy Editor-in-Chief Jason Nawara, and MiddleEasy writer Nick Robertson. The topic: What is the Greatest One-Minute Fight of All Time? Join us for yet another thrilling CagePotato Roundtable, won’t you?

Ben Goldstein

Anderson Silva vs. Chris Leben is an obvious pick, I know. The 49-second demolition from Ultimate Fight Night 5 has been anthologized in dozens of Internet lists — from “Worst Game Plans of All Time,” to “Most Spectacular UFC Debuts” — and kicked off the greatest win streak in UFC history. It’s a flawless victory, in the Mortal Kombat sense of the phrase.

Coincidentally, Silva vs. Leben synchronizes perfectly to my favorite under-a-minute song of all time, “Wasted” by Black Flag, which is officially listed at 51 seconds, but includes about two seconds of dead air at the end. For your convenience, I’ve overlaid the Silva vs. Leben fight with “Wasted” in the video above, so you can see what I mean.

The whole thing is fast, dumb, and violent, just like MMA at its best. And when Leben collapses to the mat at the end of the fight, as Keith Morris shrugs off the final line “I was wasted,” it’s such a perfect summary of Leben’s persona. He’s reckless, self-sabotaging, often intoxicated, always driving forward with no regard for the consequences. He’ll wake up the next morning with a massive headache, take a couple bong rips, and go skateboarding without a helmet, because fuck it, if it’s your time to go it’s your time to go.

Honorable mention: Ronda Rousey vs. Alexis Davis, which is the “I Like Food” by the Descendents of MMA fights.

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Six MMA Trilogies as Pointless as Penn vs. Edgar


(Okay, but can he beat a motivated, featherweight Penn? Photo Courtesy of Getty Images.)

By Seth Falvo

We here at CagePotato.com aren’t the types to say “We told you so,” which is convenient, because we couldn’t even gather enough interest in BJ Penn vs. Frankie Edgar III to mock it beforehand. The fight ended predictably; Penn continued to be no match for Edgar, and “The Prodigy” hinted at yet another retirement from MMA after it was over. Given the trilogy’s one-sided nature and predictable ending, we’re tempted to call it the most pointless trilogy in our sport’s history. But doing so would do the following trilogies a grave injustice:

Bryan Robinson vs. Andrew Reinard

Third Fight: Tuesday Night Fights, 01/24/2002.
Scoreboard: Robinson, 3-0.

A quick glance at the record of every ironman in MMA will reveal multiple victories over fighters who can best be described as “victims” and “warm bodies.” Reinard is Exhibit A: You can watch his entire three-fight career in only forty-eight seconds.

[Author Note: Robinson vs. Reinard is a stand-in for every pointless trilogy that other MMA ironmen have been involved in. Coincidentally, Robinson himself accounts for
seven (?!?) of Travis Fulton's career victories.]

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Tito Ortiz, Tim Sylvia, Jon Jones, and Chael Sonnen Compete on Chopped

By Jared Jones

Four chefs, three courses, only one chance to win! The challenge: Create an unforgettable meal from the mystery items hidden in these baskets before time. runs. out. Our distinguished panel of chefs will critique their work, and one by one, they must face the dreaded chopping block. Who will win the $10,000 prize, and who will be…Chopped? 

Four MMA fighters-turned chefs think they have what it takes to win. Lets meet them. First up, Tito Ortiz…

[*Cue a montage of Ortiz hitting truck tires with a sledgehammer, pointing to business documents that clearly have nothing written on them*]

Tito Ortiz: “My name’s Ito Tortiz. I mean, Tito Ortiz. For years, people have been doubting my ability to compete at the highest level of reality show cooking competitions. But I’m here to prove them all wrong today and show that ‘The People’s Champ’, like no other, cooks like no other.”

Next up, Tim Sylvia…

[*Cue this video*]

Tim Sylvia: (*while eating jelly doughnut*) “I’m a real outside the box thinker when it comes to preparing meals. Just the other day, I filled an old oil barrel with ham hocks and melted cheese. It was a fantastic mid-afternoon snack.”

And then there’s Jon Jones…

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BELLATOR BLOODBATH 2014: Promotion Cuts 19 Fighters to Make Room for Tito vs. Kimbo (Allegedly)


(The referee isn’t mad at Eric Prindle. He’s just disappointed. / Photo via Sherdog.)

Hey everybody, thanks for joining me on such short notice. The reason I called you all to the conference room today is because, well, you know with every change in leadership there’s going to be some growing pains. I don’t want to use the word “redundancies,” because I don’t see a single person in this room who I’d call “redundant.” You’re all unique, valuable — we hired you for a reason. And we appreciate what you’ve done to help Bellator grow. By the way, the bagels and cream cheese are for everybody, feel free to dig in. I think there are some plastic knives in that bag over there.

The reality of the situation, however, is this: The current budgetary climate has forced us to get lean and mean. Maybe it’s just temporary, maybe it’s the new normal. But the fact is that we’re trying to stay competitive in the post-Bjorn era, and that means trimming some fat. Well, again, “fat” is a word I don’t like to use because it implies something unwanted that has grown on the body due to excess consumption, or a general lack of movement. So yes, maybe “trimming some fat” is actually the perfect metaphor to use here.

At any rate, the partners have gotten together and pored over every contract, and — look, I’m just going to say it — 19 of you have been fired. The following people will no longer be working here, effective immediately…

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Monday Memo: Ben Askren’s ONE FC Win, “Bitches in a Beauty Salon,” And a UFC Champion’s Pay Gripes


(Photo by Mags Icasiano/Rappler)

By Brian J. D’Souza

Five under-the-radar stories you may have missed last week…

BEN ASKREN WINS…NOW WHAT?

Exiled from Bellator, refused a contract with the UFC, and having rejected an offer from the World Series of Fighting, undefeated welterweight and 2008 Olympian Ben Askren chose to seek his fortunes in Singapore-based ONE FC.

Last Friday, Askren improved his record to 13-0 in his promotional debut against Bakhtiyar Abbasov (now 11-3), winning in the first round via arm-triangle choke. This marks the third opponent in a row that Askren has finished. Where does this leave the American wrestler?

Askren spoke to CagePotato.com earlier this year and said that he believed he was the best welterweight in the world, with a caveat: “I definitely agree that [Johny Hendricks] should be ranked number one because I haven’t had the ability to prove I’m number one.”

Askren pointed to bantamweight Bibiano Fernandes and lightweight Mike Chandler as top fighters outside the UFC who could give a good challenge to the UFC’s champions at their respective divisions, but he was adamant that the bulk of the sport’s top talent lies within the UFC.

Unfortunately for Askren, there is no reason why the UFC—or any other MMA promotion—has to sign top contenders like himself. Combat sports have always been a business, with the promoter’s mandate being to maximize revenue.

Unlike the organizational titles in place in MMA, there are world titles sanctioned by third parties in boxing. This means that contenders can climb the ladder with each win against ranked opposition, earning leverage towards a title shot. The system is wide-open to corruption—managers and promoters often pay cold hard cash to advance their boxers in the rankings, evidenced by the 1999 IBF rankings scandal. However, with the right backers, fighters can have more career traction in boxing than currently exists in MMA.

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