BJ Penn, God bless him, has not given up on the blood-licking thing — and he vows to do it again when he fights Sean Sherk. Check out the pre-fight hype in these new UFC 84 promo videos, which run down the matchups between Penn and Sherk, as well as Silva vs. Jardine and Oritz vs. Machida.

(Dana White: “BJ Penn is a fucking *fighter*.”)

(Dana White on Wanderlei Silva: “This guy, loves, to fucking, *fight*.”)

(Dana White on Tito Ortiz: “I think he has the will and desire to be successful. He doesn’t have the will and desire to be the best fighter in the world.”)

(Props: BloodyElbow)

…and now we have video proof. Our favorite parts?

1) “You ripped it up lookin’ for guns, well, I got ‘em. And I’m gonna beat you with ‘em.”
2) The theme song (0:45-1:13), which makes “Jesus Didn’t Tap” sound like The Low End Theory. “The grudge is some guy, who just wouldn’t quit / A heated argument, over some buullll / such.”
3) Officer Carter’s compulsive finger-counting.
4) “They have a gruuzh, they wanna settle.”

In related news, it was announced last week that Tito Ortiz’s grudge-settling show, Anytown Beatdown, will be produced for the G4 cable network.

Previously: The Strange, Sad Case of ‘Called Out’ (a.k.a. ‘Settle Your Grudge’) (a.k.a. ‘Fight It Out’)

(Google Image Search for “robbery.”)

Hey, wanna hear something fucked up? Cool. But first, some backstory:

12/11/07:
Rodrigo Gracie, Crosley Gracie, Platinum Heaven Productions, and Applebox Entertainment announce their intentions to launch a reality show called Settle Your Grudge, in which real people involved in personal disputes are trained in BJJ so they can settle them on the mat; a “famous face” would be hosting the show.

2/12/08:
CagePotato finally catches wind of it. We take the anti- stance, calling the concept “‘tarded.” To quote ourselves: “[I]s hand-to-hand combat ever the best way to settle disputes between managers/employees and teachers/students? At that point, haven’t we conceded that society has basically failed? … That ‘Cop vs. Con’ episode alone would be enough for me to stamp ‘DENIED’ on this bitch.”

2/17/08:
This posting shows up on RealityWanted.com, claiming that Tito Ortiz will be involved in a new reality show in which real people involved in disputes will be trained so the beef can be settled in a cage-fight. Sample line: “UFC Champion Tito Ortiz is going to train you to battle out your problems in the Octagon!! We are looking for ALL SHAPES AND SIZES to walk into the ring and settle it once and for all!!!!”

2/19/08:
CagePotato comes across the posting, assumes that Tito Ortiz is the “famous face” involved in Settle Your Grudge, and posts this. To quote ourselves: “The posting reinforces what initially skeeved us out about the show’s concept to begin with — their attitude that when personal disputes get too heated, “the only way to [resolve them] is to fight it out!” It’s like they’ve never realized that losing a fight makes the average person more hostile afterwards, and winning a fight often makes the winner even more of a prick than he was in the first place.”

3/14/08:
Dan Frenkel of Applebox Entertainment reads our previous post, and leaves us this comment: “First off, I would like to comment that our show starring Rodrigo and Crosley Gracie is in no way affiliated with Tito Ortiz or his show. Second, although real its just simple ENTERTAINMENT. It still beats watching crap like “who wants to marry a tranny”. If you don’t like it do us all a favor and don’t watch it. And if you really don’t like it think about auditioning, whimpy!” For a moment, we have an urge to pretend to be journalists and contact Frenkel so he can set the record straight in a more official sort of way. Then we realized that we really, really don’t care about Settle Your Grudge or Tito’s show, beyond the fact that there are two shows based on the same ‘tarded concept, which is kind of amusing. Our lives resumed as before.

Then this happened.

Author/entrepreneur/retired porn star Jenna Jameson has decided that simply nodding along in support while boyfriend Tito Ortiz does his excruciating TV/video interviews isn’t enough, and she’s taken to her MySpace blog to write a public letter to Dana White. Here’s how it starts off:

I usually don’t comment on nastiness in the press, but I couldn’t ignore Dana Whites’ ramblings any longer. His latest interview referring to Tito as a “moron” for the hundredth time… will not go unnoticed.

so here goes…

Dana White – Pre Pubesent Schoolyard Bully
By Jenna Jameson

Oh man. The rest of the post sounds a lot like the hundreds of other anti-Dana rants you’ve probably read over the last few months on MMA websites and blogs (this one included), but here are the most notable excerpts:

— “Dana White’s insistance of my lack of brain power smacks of 18th century beliefs that women (all women) are inferior to the male species. Ignoring a persons achievements or simply their IQ due to the fact they have a vagina instead of a penis, explains Danas simplicity.”

— “The most interesting story here, is the silence by the UFC. How do they sit back, silent, and allow their ‘figure head’ to endanger the worth of their empire? Business must be tended to with a level head, or it usually self implodes.”

— It is plainly obvious that it isn’t just a coincidence that so many champions have chosen to test the waters beyond the UFC trainwreck.”

— [M]aybe the UFC should mandate steroid testing to company presidents, then maybe the company could continue its massive dominance… with a soft hand.

In Dana White’s defense, he is absolutely post-pubescent. As of now, Jenna’s rant has received 473 comments, including this recent $0.02 toss-in from “Eddy”:

I have no idea who dana white is but this person obiviously is so naive in judging other ppl and talkin shit about ppl they know nothing about..

Fuck the hater’s & happy easter Jenna!!much<333 to You & Tito<333

How true, Eddy.

(Mark Hunt is the undisputed king of getting punched in the face.)

— Tryouts for the eighth season of The Ultimate Fighter will kick off in Boston on April 10th. Expect lawts of wicked ahsome ahmbahs.

— Keita Nakamura took one of Rob Emerson’s toes in his eye, and now he has myodesopsia. “I see many bugs though they don’t exist…I can tell this is an unlucky year.”

— UFC 85 (June 7th, London) will feature a bout between lightweights Thiago Tavares and Matt Wiman, and may also feature a middleweight match between Nate Marquardt and Thales Leites.

— Mark Hunt and his titanium-reinforced chin will return to MMA competition in May.

— BET’s blingy MMA show The Iron Ring debuts next Tuesday. The press release is here: “Headlining the show is boxing champ Floyd Mayweather (with the assistance of hip-hop star Rick Ross) managing the Money Mayweather Boys, along with hip-hop heavyweights Ludacris and Nelly representing Team Luda and Team Nelly (respectively).” Do you really need to know anything else?

— Dana White threatens Les Moonves’s ass, then admits that Andrei Arlovski hasn’t been feeling the love.

— Despite troll-jobs to the contrary, Tito Ortiz is quite healthy and will still be competing at UFC 84.

It’s a nice little Saturday and you find yourself wondering what Tito is doing at that exact moment. Probably watching himself on YouTube, would be my guess. ‘Jennito’ was out and about again and it’s yet another example of Jenna Jameson restraining herself from jabbing a chopstick through the Huntington Beach Bad Boy’s circus-sized melon. In the video – on the red carpet of the Never Back Down premiere – the HBBB also talks about his upcoming projects, including “Any Town Throwdown” with G4. The pilot started shooting this week – not sure if it is taking the place of “Settle Your Grudge” with some of the Gracie clan or not. Tito also made sure to plug his upcoming book, This Is Gonna’ Hurt, where he says we’ll get “the real Tito Ortiz”. Yeah, I’ll rush out to buy that one. He also recently signed with powerhouse agency William-Morris and they’re grooming him to be the next action star. Oh and Jenna has “a lot” of projects coming up, but doesn’t seem to recall any of them at the moment. Guess she’s too embarrassed to mention Zombie Strippers.

‘Jennito’ makes their appearance at the :45 second mark.

And after getting his ogre cranium fired from The Celebrity Apprentice Tito seems a little more focused on MMA again. The fighter also recently did an interview with JarryPark.com where he discussed his UFC status and left just a slight glimmer of hope that the May 24th Machida fight will not be his last for the UFC – even though he seems pretty adamant about it being the last fight every time he speaks about it…like every time he’s on camera. He chatted briefly about some of the organizations he might want to fight for – EliteXC and HDNet Fights included among the ones he respects – and whichever one it is he insists they have to put him front and center and utilize his mike skills. Tito, those aren’t skills. It’s you liking the sound of your voice.

Other topics covered: “The Third Most Dangerous Shamrock” and his sad, sad performance against Robert “Buzz” Berry this past weekend, and why Tito won’t wrestle full time. Check out the full interview here.

If you haven’t noticed yet, Tito Ortiz and Jenna Jameson are pretty damn good at marketing themselves. Since the gossip magazines haven’t cared enough about them as a celebrity couple to invent a cutesy hybrid nickname (i.e., Brangelina, Tomkat, EllenPagepotato [yeah, we've been trying to keep that one on the D.L., but we're happy, and we ask that you respect our privacy]), they’ve taken it upon themselves to invent one. Will it catch on? Fingers crossed!

Of course, there’s more to this Hollyscoop.com video than ‘tarded nicknames. Ortiz strongly reiterates that he’s done with the UFC, and also reveals that he’s come around on his Kimbo Slice-hate. Jenna, as always, plays the supportive g.f., smiling and nodding and biting the inside of her cheeks while the little voice in her head screams “SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP OH MY GOD YOU ARE SO BORING ARE YOU STILL TALKING YOU OGRE-HEADED LOSER FOR FUCK’S SAKE WRAP IT UP!”

All things must pass. And so it went with Tito Ortiz, who found himself on the business end of a “y’fiyahd” last night on Celebrity Apprentice. Coerced into leading Team Empresario by Omarosa (who knew the next losing project manager would likely get pink-slipped), Ortiz had to develop a four-page ad spread for Dove Yogurt Bodywash or some shit, with Omarosa, Trace Adkins, and Stephen Baldwin as his associates. Unfortunately, Ortiz was a bit lost on how to approach the challenge, and Baldwin stepped in as the team’s de-facto leader, organizing a photo shoot that saw Trace seducing a hot model in a desert. It turned out surprisingly well, but Ortiz was a shifty, stammering mess when he was called on to present their work to a trio of Dove executives. Here’s one line from his pitch:

“Of course we used Trace, the reason why we used Trace is the demographics that we did have were from ladies ranging from the age of 20, or excuse me, 30 to 59, which, uh, most country folk ladies that would love Trace’s, uh…y’know, kinda push the product exactly.”

And such as. He also pronounced perfect (adj.) as per-FECT, and risque as RISK-ay. In the end, the Dove execs picked Team Hydra’s advertorial, which featured Carol Alt taking a bath and getting bitten, Marv Albert-style, by a male model. Thus, Ortiz was on the chopping block. And though Omarosa was called out for dodging a challenge that fit into her area of expertise (marketing, not washing), and Baldwin was criticized for being an overbearing prick who was directly responsible for their losing concept, the buck stopped at the project manager, and Tito was dunzo.

But Trump was so impressed with Ortiz’s performance on the show that he gave the HBBB $50,000 anyway for his charity. He called Tito “really special” and “the best there is,” which is strange because Ortiz honestly didn’t do that well on the show; he never got a chance to show off his leadership skills or business acumen, and only lasted as long as he did by hiding behind the greater failures of others. It reminded me of that SNL sketch “The Sinatra Group” where Frank Sinatra (Phil Hartman) tells 2 Live Crew’s Luther Campbell (Chris Rock) “you don’t need to work blue, kid, you got talent,” and Rock is like “no, I really don’t.” I wish that video didn’t cut off in the middle so you could actually see what I’m talking about.

“Issue #4: Milli Vanilli, what is this faggot crap?” Classic.

(The future centerpieces of the UFC.)

I don’t make a habit of reading askmen.com unless I’m researching how to properly organize my closet or how taking a cooking class can make me a better lover – my closet has never looked better by the way – but MMA News is directing attention to askmen’s article, 5 Things You Didn’t Know: The UFC. The piece digs up some absurd stuff we knew and some we didn’t about the organization. Case in point:

1- It was supposed to involve alligators
If nothing else, you can’t successfully accuse the original promoters of the UFC of failing to think big. Specifically, in addition to such outrageous ideas as putting electric fences around the ring, one of their many schemes was to include live alligators thrashing around in moats. Fortunately, UFC doctors were a bit more practical in their thinking, advising against such plans because of the potential harm these could do to the fighters.

Was Bob Meyrowitz behind the curtain on this one? It doesn’t give an exact date as to when the gators were to make their appearance, but I’m guessing YAMMA’s showman had crocs and gators as an idea for a new “surface”.

Point number two details John McCain’s flip-flop on his stance concerning MMA, specifically the UFC. That we are well aware of – as we are of point number five, which is that Dana White kept Tito in the UFC in 2006 by offering to go three rounds with him – a ploy that likely won’t work this time around.

(YAMMA’s next “Super Fight” contestants.)

— You guys rocked it again as we gave away our last copies of Chuck Liddell’s Iceman: My Fighting Life. And don’t forget to contribute to the latest challenge we tossed at ya’.

— The EliteXC paid Kimbo serious cheddar. The other fighters not so much. But at least they attempted to ‘splain their $1 payday.

— YAMMA added to their “Old Farts Throwin’ Down” debut event.

— We continued shaking our heads at the Xyience mess.

— Kimbo videos got some play, including episode two of “WWKD?” and a Showtime Short.

— Sick submissions. Believe it.

— UFC Fight Night 13 was upped to three hours and gained another fight.

— News came at you in nuggets, morsels, bits, and small potatoes.

— Wandy and Baroni made love, not war.

— MMA reality series continued to be churned out of the crap factory.

— We talked chicks – and CP reader Anonymous obviously has a score to settle with Kim Couture.

Enjoy the weekend. We’ll do this all again next week!

(Hey, if you say so buddy…)

Last week, we passed judgment on Settle Your Grudge, an ill-advised reality show that Rodrigo and Crosley Gracie are producing, in which two people involved in a feud get to settle it with some BJJ. Think People’s Court, except with the “due process and justice” replaced by “fighting.”

Well, it’s apparently not too lowbrow a concept for Tito Ortiz, who may be signed on as the “famous face” described in the original press release. MMAMania came across this posting on RealityWanted.com which lays out more gory details:

New TV Show Starring TITO ORTIZ is Looking For You!!!!

Do you have a beef with someone and tried everything to solve it but can’t? Did your best friend steal your girl?

Did your old roommate shaft you on your rent? Did you have a falling out with your best friend and have no way to solve it?

Also looking for competitive friends or friends with a problem they need to solve and the only way to do it is to fight it out!

UFC Champion Tito Ortiz is going to train you to battle out your problems in the Octagon!! We are looking for ALL SHAPES AND SIZES to walk into the ring and settle it once and for all!!!!

Both of you would need to come down and audition in our Hollywood studio, so you must live in Southern California!

Casting ASAP!

Can you feel the excitement?! It’s like they used a dartboard to determine how many exclamation points would go at the end of each sentence.

The posting reinforces what initially skeeved us out about the show’s concept to begin with — their attitude that when personal disputes get too heated, “the only way to [resolve them] is to fight it out!” It’s like they’ve never realized that losing a fight makes the average person more hostile afterwards, and winning a fight often makes the winner even more of a prick than he was in the first place. And if you’re answering an online ad to be on a reality show, chances are you were a huge prick in the first place.

By the way, we suggest you spend some time on RealityWanted.com, which seems to be the social networking site for the delusional, neurotic and fame-desperate. I mean, just look at some of the bullshit they need bodies for. Hello stardom!!!!

If you haven’t been watching The Celebrity Apprentice…well, you’re not missing much. But our boy Tito is still in the game, and on Thursday’s episode he was part of a challenge where he and three teammates had to run a successful carriage-ride operation in New York’s Central Park. Jenna Jameson shows up with a wad of hot money she just got from God-knows-where, and they ride off. And she calls him “pumpkin.” And it’s really gross.

(Props: MMAFever)

(Movie magic.)

Tito Ortiz and Jenna Jameson stopped by the Howard Stern Show this morning to promote Jenna’s new book, Jenna Tales: Something Blue. Some of the segment’s highlights:

— Ortiz claimed he could beat Chuck Zito, Jet Li, Chuck Norris, and Bruce Lee in fights, and could defeat Mike Tyson within 30 seconds in an MMA-rules bout.

— Ortiz on Dana White: “He’s an egotistical egomaniac. He wants to be a fighter and a superstar. I’ve worked so hard for (the UFC) and put my ass on the line. I’ve fought injured and with a torn ACL and a bulging disc and still put my ass on the line, and they still don’t show me respect. Dana’s like Don King. The only thing that separates him and Dana White is the color of their skin.” On the UFC: “They make about $43 million on pay-per-view, which doesn’t even include (the live gate), which is another $5 million, and not to mention merchandise sales.” Ortiz expressed his feeling that all UFC fighters should be getting a bigger cut of the company’s revenue.

— According to Ortiz, Jenna Jameson’s new, smaller breast implants are “awesome.” Jameson gave Ortiz credit for turning her back onto men. “He’s good at the same things women are,” she said. (Excuse us for a moment as we find something to throw up in. Ah, this saucepan will do.)

— From the show summary on HowardStern.com: “Jenna confessed that she sometimes gets sore because Tito wants sex so often…Jenna also took the opportunity to deny claims that she’s had a botched vaginoplasty; ‘My cookie is beautiful and I love it.’ Tito seemed to agree.” There was also some stuff about porn, Britney Spears, and bejeweled goggles that we won’t reprint.

— Ortiz is coming out with an autobiography in June called It’s Going to Hurt. What’s going to hurt, being outsold by your girlfriend at Borders?

— Ortiz used to be a meth addict.

Note to Tito: Please stop talking about how much the UFC makes, and how much they’re not paying you. It’s like walking around with a big “SUE ME” sign on your back.

(Respect: FiveOunces, MMAJunkie)

(Tito Ortiz: Planning his next move?)

Too boring to get posts of their own — just boring enough to be lumped in with a few other stories!

— UFC 81 drew 10,583 spectators at the Mandalay Bay Events Center in Las Vegas on Saturday, with 7,167 of those asses-in-seats actually paying for their tickets. That’s the lowest paid-attendance figure for a Mandalay Bay UFC event since UFC 48, which featured Ken Shamrock vs. Kimo Leopoldo as the main event. “Breaking Point” took in a live gate of $2,437,890, which is the sixth-lowest total out of the venue’s past seven UFC events. This could all be explained by an inordinate amount of comp tickets being handed out for Brock Lesnar’s Octagon debut, and the UFC could have easily gotten their money back on pay-per-view buys. But since the UFC isn’t required to release information on PPV revenue, we may not hear the full story for some time.

— Tito Ortiz may be planning a 10-year-anniversary re-match with Frank Shamrock outside of the UFC. The two fighters first met at UFC 22 back in September 1999, where they battled for the UFC’s 205-pound title. Shamrock won by submission due to strikes near the end of the fourth round, then retired from the UFC with a perfect 5-0 record in the organization.

— Zuffa has filed a motion for preliminary injunction against Randy Couture, with a hearing date set for March 4th. The injunction will likely be focused on preventing Couture from making further breaches of the non-compete agreement in his employment contract.

— Though most Canadian provinces have given MMA their blessing, the sport is totes unkosher in Ontario.

— I just finished eating some thai food. It wasn’t bad.

Jenna Jameson threw Tito Ortiz a surprise 33rd birthday party at the Las Vegas club CatHouse on Friday night, and RawVegas.tv‘s cameras were there. Check out the clip below, which reveals the following:

— An eerily reserved Mike Tyson says he’s finished with fighting.
— Troy “Rude Boy” Mandaloniz thinks Frank Mir will beat Brock Lesnar at UFC 81, but Ortiz is calling it for Brock by stoppage in the second round.
— When asked if he’ll make it to the finals on Celebrity Apprentice, the HBBB gives a long, meandering answer that culminates in “I lasted a long time.” Eh, we saw that coming.
— The UFC treats Ortiz “like shit.”
— Jameson revealed that her and Ortiz are trying to have kids (!), who Ortiz thinks will be “beautiful” (!!).
— Kendall Grove is officially going to be a father. “My shit works,” he says, drunk as hell.
— When Jenna is dancing on stage, people tend to forget about Tito.

Tito Ortiz confirmed on Sirius’s Fight Network Radio yesterday that he has accepted a May 24th fight with undefeated light-heavyweight contender Lyoto Machida, but because of disputes over money and a lack of respect from the UFC’s top brass (sound familiar?), it will be his last for the organization:

Expecting a rematch with “The Ultimate Fighter 2” winner Rashad Evans, Ortiz (15-5-1) said he begrudgingly accepted the bout with the Japanese-Brazilian fighter who toppled PRIDE sensation Rameau Thierry Sokoudjou with a second-round submission at UFC 79 “Nemesis” on Dec. 29 in Las Vegas.

“I was expecting a bigger fight. I think the fans were expecting a bigger fight,” said Ortiz. “I got pressed into it, and all of a sudden, it’s all over the Internet that Tito Ortiz won’t fight Machida. I’m just looking to get my final fight over with the UFC.”

On the topics of money and respect, Ortiz was out for blood:

“They said I wasn’t worth the money. I was worth no more than what I’m getting paid now, and I’m not a commodity to them anymore. I’m not as viable to them anymore. That was a sign of disrespect…With Dana in charge, I don’t think [another title shot] will ever happen for me. Dana has bad blood for me and nothing but bad blood. They’re going to try and ruin me…[The UFC] could care less about the fighters. Fighters are a dime a dozen. They’ll keep coming. Dana is really out for himself and the company. He doesn’t give a s–t about the fighters.”

So let’s take it from the top. Ortiz’s desire for a re-match with Rashad Evans comes from a place of personal honor; he wants to avenge his draw against who he perceives as an inferior fighter. But if he thinks that another bout with Evans would be a “bigger fight” in terms of PPV buys/general hype than a fight against top contender Lyoto Machida, he is deluding himself. Fan interest lies with Machida now, not Evans — Ortiz fans will show up to his last UFC appearance no matter who he fights. Of course, neither opponent would pull in dollars like Ortiz’s bank-breaking wars with Chuck Liddell and Ken Shamrock, but Ortiz vs. Machida is the fight that UFC fans genuinely want to see.

Clearly this is more about looking good in his last fight. Though Ortiz could probably dominate Evans in a rematch, Machida has made everyone from Rich Franklin to Stephan Bonnar to Rameau Sokoudjou look stupid, and Ortiz isn’t the guy to figure out how to beat him. Unfortunately, Ortiz’s relationship with the UFC isn’t good enough for Dana White to hand him an easy win for his farewell performance; instead, he’s being used as a gatekeeper for the light-heavyweight division’s upper-echelon. Maybe now he wishes he hadn’t been such a pain in Dana White’s ass.

As for money, the Fight Network reports that Ortiz has made over $1 million per fight in his latest outings. (We’re guessing a large chunk of that comes from a percentage he receives from PPV revenue.) Ortiz is convinced he’s worth a lot more, but he’s drifting further and further from #1 contender status, and other guys are overtaking him, both in terms of talent and marketability. Quinton Jackson and Forrest Griffin have basically made Tito Ortiz obsolete. In other words, he’s not worth a lot more that a million per fight, and the UFC knows it. To some extent, Tito must know it too. Hence the hostility.

But Ortiz has to be careful with his words until that last fight is in the can. I doubt the UFC will try to road-block his involvement with other fight promotions to the extent that they’ll do to Randy Couture — as a beloved champion, Couture is more of a painful loss to the UFC than a loudmouthed aspiring actor on the downswing. But as we learned last week, if you make enough harmful statements in the press, you’ll have a lawsuit waiting for you.

We discussed the upcoming Fight Science series before, but now we have the promo video, which plugs the premiere episode; it airs Sunday at 8 p.m. on the National Geographic channel. Watch as Tito Ortiz demonstrates an elbow strike from the clinch, and how it might eff up a dude’s equilibrium. Huge boobs at 0:19! Bas Rutten saying “hooWoOO!” at 3:20!

NBCSports’ Mike Chiappetta reports that Matt Serra and Georges St. Pierre will meet again in April. The welterweight match-up will be about a year after GSP lost to the now inflated Serra. As you may recall, Serra was to defend his belt against Matt Hughes at the recent UFC 79, but had to drop out due to injury. GSP promptly jumped at the chance to take on Hughes for a third time, beating him easily for the interim (aka, bullshit) welterweight title. Serra said his back is getting better and he’ll be ready in April.

The April event – possibly to be on the 19th – will be in Montreal, the first UFC event to be held in Canada.

90% of my interest in watching NBC’s Celebrity Apprentice was dashed last night, thanks to the conniving, under-the-bus-throwing ways of Omarosa Manigault-Stallworth, the most awful person ever featured on network television.

The season premiere involved a hot dog-selling contest, where the celebs (divided by gender) did battle to raise the most money for charity. Manigault-Stallworth quickly established herself as the biggest, dumbest asshole in room, demanding to be team leader and crafting a plan that involved pushing the hot dogs rather than their celebrity star power. Obviously, the guys dominated, and OMS scrambled to find a fall girl.

She found her mark in poor, sweet Tiffany, who was blamed for not fully exploiting her sex appeal or hitting up Hugh Hefner for money. The former Playmate of the Year was given the show’s first pink slip, thus reducing the show’s remaining eye-candy to Carol Alt (too old) and Jennie Finch (too softball player-ish).

Tito Ortiz (who represented the remaining 10% of my interest in this show) got a small amount of screen time in the episode, sparring with Lennox Lewis to draw interest in his team’s hot dog stand, and posing with girlfriend Jenna Jameson as she stopped by to suck down some meat for charity. “Anything for my man,” she said — quite a woman, that Jenna.

Also, Mike Huckabee and Barack Obama won something or other last night, but I wasn’t really paying attention.

I know, I didn’t hear about this either! But apparently there was a Turkish movie released last year called Kurtlar Vadisi Irak (“Valley of the Wolves Iraq”), about a group of Turkish soldiers who try to get revenge for a series of atrocities committed by Americans during the occupation of Iraq, and Tito Ortiz was in it. He’s actually the only American character with a conscience; the film also stars Billy Zane as a sadistic Army commander and Gary Busey as a Jewish-American doctor who harvests organs from injured Iraqi prisoners to sell to rich people in New York, London and Tel Aviv. In one scene (shown below), the survivors of a raid on an Arab wedding are being driven to Abu Ghraib prison via shipping container, when Ortiz’s character complains that the captives may be suffocating. His partner shoots the container full of air holes. When Ortiz threatens to report to incident, he is shot. Watch, if you must:

With a budget of $10.2 million, Kurtlar was the most expensive Turkish film ever made, and it was a box-office hit. To put that in perspective, the most expensive American film ever produced was Spider-Man 3, which had a budget of $258 million. So, nice try Turkey, but you’re not even close! Holla when you can hang with the big dogs…

We were just alerted to this video spot that Tito Ortiz filmed to pump up The Celebrity Apprentice (premiering January 3rd on NBC), where the HBBB will try to organize Lennox Lewis, Vincent Pastore and Gene Simmons into his own personal Team Punishment. Though it does sound like Ortiz took a hard shot to the head right before filming his speech at the end. Just a little cobwebby, that’s all…

Also, he’ll be returning to the Octagon in May.

In an interview with MMA Weekly, Ortiz said:

“My last fight, before I fought Rashad (Evans), I wasn’t 100%, and I just wanted to make sure if I ever fight again I’m going to be 100%. The back injury that I sustained kind of hindered me for fight time. Now it’s a lot better…I spoke to Lorenzo (Fertitta), and it looks like in May. They’re going to wait until May, so the next Cinco de Mayo weekend will be Tito Ortiz’ next fight.”

Ortiz’s opponent has not yet been named, but it’s unlikely that the fight will be a re-match with Rashad Evans. Though Ortiz expressed interest in facing the winner of UFC 78′s Evans/Bisping match, MMA Fightline reports that UFC matchmaker Joe Silva has advised both Rashad Evans and Michael Bisping to drop down to middleweight. (This would also affect the possibility of a future Bisping/Hamill rematch.) In any case, with only one fight remaining in his current UFC contract, Ortiz better make his next appearance a good one, or Dana White will fire his ass faster than Trump.

As reported here last month, the next season of NBC’s awful-behavior competition The Apprentice will be a celebrity edition featuring UFC star Tito Ortiz. The Associated Press has now reported that the season premiere is set for January 3rd, and the full cast of contestants has been officially announced. They are (in order of my own personal interest):

Tito Ortiz — UFC light-heavyweight with the super-heavyweight head
Gene Simmons — Kiss bassist/singer known for shameless branding, disturbingly long tongue
Lennox Lewis — Retired heavyweight boxing champion
Vincent Pastore — Big Pussy!
Stephen Baldwin — Born-again Christian, founder of Breakthrough Ministries, co-star of Bio-Dome
Tiffany Fallon — 2005 Playboy Playmate of the Year
Trace Adkins — Musical genius behind “Honky-Tonk Badonkadonk”
Nadia Comaneci — Romanian gymnast best-known for her perfect-10 pwnage of the uneven bars at the 1976 Olympics
Carol Alt — Model/actress/raw foodie
Jennie Finch — Sort-of-cute Olympic softball gold medalist
Omarosa Manigault-Stallworth — The ball-buster from season 1 of The Apprentice
Marilu Henner — Actress, diet shiller, host of America’s Ballroom Challenge
Piers Morgan — Poor man’s Simon Cowell on America’s Got Talent
Nely Galan — TV producer and Telemundo executive, and the only contestrant you’ve literally never heard of

The 14 celebs will compete in business-oriented tasks around New York City, and their performance will be judged by Donald and his Lil’ VeePees, Ivanka and Donald Jr. The grand prize won’t be a job with Donald Trump, but instead a $250,000 bonus to donate to their favorite charity. I know what you’re thinking — charity, right? — but at least it’ll be some good exposure for Kiss Kaskets.

It was recently reported that the seventh season of NBC’s The Apprentice will be a “Celebrity Edition,” with the confirmed “celebrities” including Stephen Baldwin, Vincent “Big Pussy” Pastore, CNBC’s Jim Cramer, and none other than THE HUNTINGTON BEACH *BAD* BOY, TITOOOOO ORTIIIIIIIIIIIIIIZ!!!!!(??)!!

Seriously, click here, sit through a 15-second Pantene commercial, and behold as Tito is caught by TMZ.com‘s cameras slinging hot dogs as part of an Apprentice challenge alongside Baldwin, Gene Simmons, Lennox Lewis, and a guy that looks a lot like Mystery from VH1′s The Pick-Up Artist, but who I’m told is probably country music star Trace Adkins. (Tito’s the one with the “Bad Boy For Life” t-shirt and enormous head.)

Sure, this may open the HBBB up to all kinds of ridicule by MMA fans, but it could be a great way for Ortiz to transition into the multiple income streams provided by reality TV stardom, employment in the Trump Organization, or hot dog selling. After all, the dude’s gotta retire from fighting someday — what’s he going to do, mooch off his best-selling author girlfriend forever?