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Tag: Tito Ortiz

Tito Ortiz Says He’ll Be Back by July…Somewhere

Tito Ortiz MMA UFC

In a development that few of you will admit to caring about, Tito Ortiz now says that returning to the UFC is a real possibility, and he’s looking to emerge from his competitive hiatus this summer. As Michael David Smith at AOL MMA FanHouse writes:

[At] last weekend’s Rumble in the Park in Fresno, Ortiz said, “It’s either going to be with the UFC or it’s going to be with Affliction, but guaranteed, you guys will see me fight — no matter what — by July.”

Ortiz also mentioned that he had back surgery last month, which he deemed successful. He also said it was the same surgery that Nate Quarry had, and Quarry was out of action for 15 months after his back surgery. So Ortiz is very optimistic if he thinks he can guarantee that he’ll return just seven months after the surgery.

He’s also optimistic if he thinks Affliction will still be in the MMA business in July. And he’s optimistic if he thinks UFC will still be willing to do business with him. Bottom line, Ortiz is an optimistic guy.

Of course, it could be worse: Ortiz was close to signing a contract with EliteXC. As former EliteXC fighter Jake Shields said, “Good thing he didn’t sign with them. He’d be on eBay.”

Quick timeline, if you haven’t been keeping up…


Well, I’ve Got My Halloween Costume Planned…

Tito Ortiz MMA UFC Halloween
(Photo courtesy of PU.)

MMA Eruption passes along this absolute gem from

Be the hit of the party and knock everyone out with your TITO ORTIZ halloween costume.

Costume includes:

Original black flame shorts, Tito Ortiz UFC 84 after fight shirt, Titos trademark yellow beanie, Punishment black socks, 2 new Punishment wrist bands

Fight gloves not included.

Costume available in sizes: S-2XL

retail value: $125.00

Your Cost: $59.99 What a deal! [Ed. note: LOFL!]

Savings of over 50%

Ships out priority mail within 24 hours of order. SO ORDER NOW!

Also not included in the package:

— Blonde hair-dye

— Porn-star baby-mama

— Hepatitis, probably

— A worthless contract with EliteXC

— A “Dana Is My Bitch!” t-shirt, which would look a lot better than that Team Punishment piece ‘o crap.

— The kind of monumental egotism that would compel a person to constantly speak in the third-person.

— Donald Trump’s balls (to be carried in mouth)

Unfortunately, I can’t really dress up as Tito this year — I’m already going out as Seth Petruzelli.


Tito Ortiz Discusses Back Agony, Recent Surgery

Tito Ortiz Rashad Evans UFC MMA

Via MMA Weekly:

Since the Randy Couture fight, I have had lower back problems. Each fight it got worse. I have made it though the last eight fights by physical therapy, methylprednisolone pills, and spinal injections for last three fights.

I fought injured time and time again for the fans. After the Rashad (Evans) fight, I told the fight doctor I was having excruciating back pain. It was so bad that my security had to carry me from the Octagon to my dressing room to the press conference and back.

This continued for the next four months. If anyone has had back pain, you know the pain I deal with. It got to be so bad that I was barely able to get up off the couch or drive for longer than 20 minutes.

Now try to imagine training for eight hours a day and having to fight formidable opponents like Rashad, and (Lyoto) Machida. From November of 2007 to May of 2008, I did two separate injections and worked my ass off in physical therapy so I was able to fight Machida.

During the second round of the fight I felt the same pain as I did in the Rashad fight. After the fight, I told the fight doctor I was having back pain. It never got better. I didn’t want to fall into the terrible life of having to take painkillers in order to be capable of making it through training.

I simply refuse to fall into that trap. I started to look into other ways to help my back pain. I have done everything from rehab to injections to make it better and nothing has succeeded…


Jenna Jameson To Have Two of Tito Ortiz’s Babies, Consecutively

Tito Ortiz Jenna Jameson
(“We’re thinking about home-schooling them.”)

Twins, in other words. From venerable gossip site PerezHilton:

Double The Baby Joy!

As was the first to exclusively confirm, Jenna Jameson and boyfriend Tito Ortiz are expecting their first child. Well, now, sources reveal exclusively to that the blonde beauty is having twins!

“They’re having twins,” a friend of the superstar tells us. “Jenna and Tito just found out. They are beyond thrilled!”

The happy couple just bought a new — much bigger home — for their growing family in the beach near Los Angeles, sources tell us.

Congrats to the happy couple!!!

Perez’s enthusiasm seemed to come as a shock to his readers, who were perhaps expecting him to illustrate the article with penises crudely drawn on an ultrasound photo. Some sample comments…

rondonna: “This site is a fucking joke anymore. Why would we congratulate this pig and her loser husband. That poor kid, oh, my mom was a porn star, Poor thing.”

PooPooButt: “Hope they both die, what a horrible existance it would be to have that fucked off whore as a mother.”

BritneyBitch: “What the fuck is up with Perez supporting a true whore and hating on a young teen girls who are not even whore…yet he calls them sluts? Must be really hard being a fat man who takes cock in the ass.”

And so on. Feel free to suggest names for the double-bundles of joy in the comments section. If they’re boys, I’m thinking “Team” and “Punishment,” and if they’re girls, maybe “Punishment” and “Athletics.”

(Props: “Old, Bald & Irish”)


Tito Ortiz and Affliction Prepare Major Announcements

Tito Ortiz MMA Affliction
(“I just saved a bunch of money on my hepatitis test.”)

In a new interview with MMA Weekly, Tito Ortiz reveals that he’s just about done negotiating his next fight contract:

“Most likely I’m not going with the UFC, that’s about 99% sure that that’s not happening. I’ve got to be thankful for Lorenzo (Fertitta), what he gave me to this point, but it’s too bad that they have a president the way he is, just hot headed the way he is, takes everything personal and I wash my hands clean…

I’m going to move on and I’m going to try another company out, I’m going to see how it goes. By the end of this month there will be a big news break, where Tito Ortiz is going and what I did for a contract.”

If it’s not the UFC, it has to be EliteXC or Affliction, right? Well, another report on MMA Rated has us thinking that Ortiz could be leaning towards the t-shirt company. As Affliction COO Michael D. Cohen told Ariel Helwani:

At this present moment, I can not give the reason [for the event cancelation] but what I can tell you is that there is going to be a public announcement made and this announcement is truly going to change the world of mixed martial arts. Unlike other similar statements made, the press conference that will be had in the near future will have the affect as I described it. [Ed. note: LOL!]

And when can we expect this earth-shattering announcement?

Within two weeks. We are truly hoping that it will be within one week, but the reality is two weeks. MMA fans all around the world will understand the reason for the postponement of the event. And something I want to make clear…The event has not been cancelled, it’s postponed, and the reasons will become very apparent to all.

Call me a cynic, but I’m going to start preparing my FAIL photos. Cohen also discusses “Day of Reckoning”‘s slow ticket sales and the UFC’s Las Vegas meddling, and while he can try to re-direct our attention all he wants with this talk of a game-changing announcement, a postponed show isn’t good news, no matter how he spins it. Although Fedor vs. Tito is certainly a freak show worth waiting for…

Update: Fowlkes just spoke with Cohen and asked him if Affliction’s announcement had anything to do with Tito’s announcement. His response: “Absolutely not.”


Tito Ortiz’s Deal With Affliction Downgraded to ‘Possibility’

Tito Ortiz MMA UFC

Tito Ortiz went on HDNet’s Inside MMA on Friday night to make vague statements in the hope that MMA fans will start caring about him again. Speaking about his current negotiations to find a home, Ortiz said:

“EliteXC — possibility. Affliction — possibility. UFC — a small chance of that happening…The things between me and Dana White, I’m shoving it off and moving on with my life.”

Wow…he’s come a long way since that “ground-breaking record contract” with Affliction. But that’s what happens when you ask for the moon and stars from a company that doesn’t have a pot to piss in, if you’ll forgive the metaphor mixing. And the UFC — where a small cut of the PPV take can mean big money — is still the only organization that can offer Ortiz even close to what he thinks he’s worth.

It seems hard to believe that Dana White, who considers Ortiz to be an intolerable scumbag, would even consider dealing with him again, but perhaps cooler heads are prevailing. With Couture vs. Emelianenko a possibility in the Octagon and Tito considering a return, the UFC is poised to deliver a sharp, painful kick directly to Affliction’s balls. Honestly, the UFC’s only apparent motivation for re-signing Ortiz would be to screw over their latest rival. It’s not like he’ll have much impact in the light-heavyweight division at this point, and his rivalries with Chuck Liddell and Ken Shamrock have long since been consummated. So maybe they’ll keep him around as a celebrity gate-keeper, as long as it’ll prevent Affliction from having a credible pay-per-view draw. As Alonzo Harris put it, the shit’s chess, it ain’t checkers.


Why Dana White is Not Slamming the Door on Tito Ortiz

UFC president Dana White
(‘Oh, hello there. Didn’t see you come in. Just rolling up my sleeves and inspecting this cage here. No big deal. It’s part of what I do.’)

Dana White is a man of simple tastes. He loves fighters who are neither pussies nor posers. He loves dropping F-bombs. He loves making life hell on all those who would oppose or seek to compete with him. The last one explains what he’s doing with the Tito Ortiz contract situation, and why he doesn’t mind being so open about it. Because what’s the fun of screwing with someone if they don’t know that you’re doing it? From Sergio Non’s USA Today blog:

I read recently that Tito supposedly is negotiating with UFC again. If that’s the case, how did that come about?

As part of his contract, he goes out and … I don’t know, something to do with his contract, but he’s still got his foot in the door with his contract. As part of our business practice in this crazy world these days, we — let me think how I can word this to you.

Take your time.

Yeah, probably going to have to.

I always say, we make this thing look a lot easier than it really is, and we’re definitely not going to make it easy for anybody else. We’re going to make things tough for other people.

It sounds like you’re saying basically you have certain negotiation rights with Tito.

Yup, and I’m going take them.

Given what you guys said about each in the months leading up to his last fight, how realistic is to expect Tito to ever fight in UFC again?

Listen, me and Tito didn’t say anything worse than what we said before he came back and became a coach on The Ultimate Fighter. Tito and I do not like each other. We do not. It’s 100% real, we don’t like each other at all, but it doesn’t mean we haven’t done business together before.

So basically, White is driving up the price on people like Affliction and Elite XC, most likely because Ortiz’s contract has a clause that allows him to match competitors’ offers within a certain window. Whether he’s really open to resigning Tito or whether that’s just something you say to make your intentions seem more genuine, that’s a different question. In the meantime, he can really make life hard for other promotions, and man, does he ever enjoy that.


Quick Hits: Dana White to Get Mindfreaked, Machida Predicts a Finish, & More

- Because he loves him some publicity, Dana White will appear on A&E’s “Mindfreak” with magician Criss Angel tonight. You say you’re not going to watch, but let’s not kid ourselves. You’re going to pretend to watch the Democratic National Convention, then get bored when there are no crazy MMA riots breaking out, and suddenly you’re thinking, ‘Man, my mind could really use a good freaking right about now.’ Boom! A&E’s got you covered. If you want a taste of Criss Angel’s particularly cloying brand of magic, I recommend this little gem.

- The ever-elusive Lyoto Machida says his fight against Thiago Silva at UFC 89 isn’t going to be another snoozefest. As he told Tatame: “I believe this fight won’t go to decision… Thiago likes to fight aggressively, me too, he has good MMA techniques, so I believe this fight might finish before the third round.” Seems like he stops just short of actually committing to finishing, or saying that he’ll be the one to finish it. Even this guy’s interviews are, um, tactical.

- Chuck Liddell’s nutritional supplement company, Iceman Rx, is anticipating a Liddell victory over Rashad Evans at UFC 88. They’re even running a sweepstakes to coincide with UFC 92, where Liddell might conceivably challenge Forrest Griffin for the UFC light heavyweight title if he is victorious next weekend. And what does the winner of that sweepstakes get? An Iceman Rx Hummer H2. Even has a picture of Liddell on the side. Rumor has it he only decided to give it away after seeing what happened to Rampage. I started that rumor.

- You thought our jokes about the Tito Ortiz/Jenna Jameson baby news were in poor taste? Just check out The Sun. They pull no punches over in the UK press, and their photoshops are meaner. Kudos to them for referring to Jenna’s porn flicks as “blue movies.” That mixture of cruelty and decorum is why I love the Brits.


If This Doesn’t Make You Thirsty For Malt Liquor, You Must Not Have a Serious Drinking Problem Yet

The first time I ever got drunk it was thanks to Mickey’s Fine Malt Liquor. At the time I was fifteen and didn’t know that the phrase “Fine Malt Liquor” made no sense at all. Some friends and I got the big mouth bottles and drank them as fast as we could in the vacant lot behind the supermarket. Needless to say, we soon threw up and had horrible headaches, but the point was we did it. The fact that it was awful only made us feel more like men, which of course we weren’t. It wasn’t until a few months later when I saw a homeless man drinking a forty of Mickey’s in the street while holding his pants up with his free hand that I realized maybe we had been using the wrong metric by which to gauge our manhood.

Mickey’s lost me as a customer back then, but that doesn’t mean they’re giving up. They’ve apparently decided to go the Coors Light route, and instead of investing money into coming up with a better product they’re simply going to do weird stuff to the container. The newest weird thing: putting Tito Ortiz on their limited edition cans.

There’s something that’s just too perfect about seeing Ortiz hook up with Mickey’s. They were both once beloved by the UFC until the organization found something better, and they’re both responsible for regrettable pregnancies. Too far?


It’s Official: Tito Ortiz Put a Baby in Jenna Jameson

(‘Ain’t love beautiful and totally freaking bizarre, baby?’)

Okay, so that headline might be slightly misleading. All we know for sure is that there is a baby inside Jenna Jameson. How it happened and who’s to blame, that’s all speculation until they go on the Maury Povich show to get the DNA test done. The real question is, when the results are announced, will Tito be the type of guy who launches into a awesomely inappropriate celebration dance? Oh, these timeless questions.

Our friends over at Holy Taco have more on Jenna’s official pregnancy announcement, as well as a hilarious take on what the fateful night of conception must have been like. Naturally, this is followed by a photoshop that will probably condemn you to hell for all eternity just for looking at it. As if you weren’t headed there, anyway.

We can’t help but wonder what kind of child will come out of this union of bodily fluids. Being the progeny of famous people already increases your chances of being a total screw-up in life, even more so than being the progeny of rich people, and this kid will be both.

But beyond that, it will also be the child of two people who are famous for, shall we say, unconventional reasons. Perhaps no other child in the history of the universe will have as many opportunities to get in fights with kids at school who say things about his mother, while also having such great chances to win all those fights via ground-and-pound.

Could this be the perfect recipe for creating a future MMA star? Maybe. Or else he’ll grow up hating his parents and become an ultra-conservative evangelical preacher who leads aggressive campaigns to outlaw pornography, pro fighting, hastily-thrown-together memoirs, and hair dye. Either way, this child is going to be something special.