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15 Moments of Instant Regret [GIFs]

Tag: Tito Ortiz

Tito: Man About Town

It’s a nice little Saturday and you find yourself wondering what Tito is doing at that exact moment. Probably watching himself on YouTube, would be my guess. ‘Jennito’ was out and about again and it’s yet another example of Jenna Jameson restraining herself from jabbing a chopstick through the Huntington Beach Bad Boy’s circus-sized melon. In the video – on the red carpet of the Never Back Down premiere – the HBBB also talks about his upcoming projects, including “Any Town Throwdown” with G4. The pilot started shooting this week – not sure if it is taking the place of “Settle Your Grudge” with some of the Gracie clan or not. Tito also made sure to plug his upcoming book, This Is Gonna’ Hurt, where he says we’ll get “the real Tito Ortiz”. Yeah, I’ll rush out to buy that one. He also recently signed with powerhouse agency William-Morris and they’re grooming him to be the next action star. Oh and Jenna has “a lot” of projects coming up, but doesn’t seem to recall any of them at the moment. Guess she’s too embarrassed to mention Zombie Strippers.

‘Jennito’ makes their appearance at the :45 second mark.

And after getting his ogre cranium fired from The Celebrity Apprentice Tito seems a little more focused on MMA again. The fighter also recently did an interview with JarryPark.com where he discussed his UFC status and left just a slight glimmer of hope that the May 24th Machida fight will not be his last for the UFC – even though he seems pretty adamant about it being the last fight every time he speaks about it…like every time he’s on camera. He chatted briefly about some of the organizations he might want to fight for – EliteXC and HDNet Fights included among the ones he respects – and whichever one it is he insists they have to put him front and center and utilize his mike skills. Tito, those aren’t skills. It’s you liking the sound of your voice.

Other topics covered: “The Third Most Dangerous Shamrock” and his sad, sad performance against Robert “Buzz” Berry this past weekend, and why Tito won’t wrestle full time. Check out the full interview here.

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The Terrifying Debut of ‘Jennito’

If you haven’t noticed yet, Tito Ortiz and Jenna Jameson are pretty damn good at marketing themselves. Since the gossip magazines haven’t cared enough about them as a celebrity couple to invent a cutesy hybrid nickname (i.e., Brangelina, Tomkat, EllenPagepotato [yeah, we've been trying to keep that one on the D.L., but we're happy, and we ask that you respect our privacy]), they’ve taken it upon themselves to invent one. Will it catch on? Fingers crossed!

Of course, there’s more to this Hollyscoop.com video than ‘tarded nicknames. Ortiz strongly reiterates that he’s done with the UFC, and also reveals that he’s come around on his Kimbo Slice-hate. Jenna, as always, plays the supportive g.f., smiling and nodding and biting the inside of her cheeks while the little voice in her head screams “SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP OH MY GOD YOU ARE SO BORING ARE YOU STILL TALKING YOU OGRE-HEADED LOSER FOR FUCK’S SAKE WRAP IT UP!”

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Tito Ortiz: Fired

TOA

All things must pass. And so it went with Tito Ortiz, who found himself on the business end of a “y’fiyahd” last night on Celebrity Apprentice. Coerced into leading Team Empresario by Omarosa (who knew the next losing project manager would likely get pink-slipped), Ortiz had to develop a four-page ad spread for Dove Yogurt Bodywash or some shit, with Omarosa, Trace Adkins, and Stephen Baldwin as his associates. Unfortunately, Ortiz was a bit lost on how to approach the challenge, and Baldwin stepped in as the team’s de-facto leader, organizing a photo shoot that saw Trace seducing a hot model in a desert. It turned out surprisingly well, but Ortiz was a shifty, stammering mess when he was called on to present their work to a trio of Dove executives. Here’s one line from his pitch:

“Of course we used Trace, the reason why we used Trace is the demographics that we did have were from ladies ranging from the age of 20, or excuse me, 30 to 59, which, uh, most country folk ladies that would love Trace’s, uh…y’know, kinda push the product exactly.”

And such as. He also pronounced perfect (adj.) as per-FECT, and risque as RISK-ay. In the end, the Dove execs picked Team Hydra’s advertorial, which featured Carol Alt taking a bath and getting bitten, Marv Albert-style, by a male model. Thus, Ortiz was on the chopping block. And though Omarosa was called out for dodging a challenge that fit into her area of expertise (marketing, not washing), and Baldwin was criticized for being an overbearing prick who was directly responsible for their losing concept, the buck stopped at the project manager, and Tito was dunzo.

But Trump was so impressed with Ortiz’s performance on the show that he gave the HBBB $50,000 anyway for his charity. He called Tito “really special” and “the best there is,” which is strange because Ortiz honestly didn’t do that well on the show; he never got a chance to show off his leadership skills or business acumen, and only lasted as long as he did by hiding behind the greater failures of others. It reminded me of that SNL sketch “The Sinatra Group” where Frank Sinatra (Phil Hartman) tells 2 Live Crew’s Luther Campbell (Chris Rock) “you don’t need to work blue, kid, you got talent,” and Rock is like “no, I really don’t.” I wish that video didn’t cut off in the middle so you could actually see what I’m talking about.

“Issue #4: Milli Vanilli, what is this faggot crap?” Classic.

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UFC Originally Had Gators – Seriously


(The future centerpieces of the UFC.)

I don’t make a habit of reading askmen.com unless I’m researching how to properly organize my closet or how taking a cooking class can make me a better lover – my closet has never looked better by the way – but MMA News is directing attention to askmen’s article, 5 Things You Didn’t Know: The UFC. The piece digs up some absurd stuff we knew and some we didn’t about the organization. Case in point:

1- It was supposed to involve alligators
If nothing else, you can’t successfully accuse the original promoters of the UFC of failing to think big. Specifically, in addition to such outrageous ideas as putting electric fences around the ring, one of their many schemes was to include live alligators thrashing around in moats. Fortunately, UFC doctors were a bit more practical in their thinking, advising against such plans because of the potential harm these could do to the fighters.

Was Bob Meyrowitz behind the curtain on this one? It doesn’t give an exact date as to when the gators were to make their appearance, but I’m guessing YAMMA’s showman had crocs and gators as an idea for a new “surface”.

Point number two details John McCain’s flip-flop on his stance concerning MMA, specifically the UFC. That we are well aware of – as we are of point number five, which is that Dana White kept Tito in the UFC in 2006 by offering to go three rounds with him – a ploy that likely won’t work this time around.

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Week in Review: Dollar Bills, Yo!


(YAMMA’s next “Super Fight” contestants.)

— You guys rocked it again as we gave away our last copies of Chuck Liddell’s Iceman: My Fighting Life. And don’t forget to contribute to the latest challenge we tossed at ya’.

— The EliteXC paid Kimbo serious cheddar. The other fighters not so much. But at least they attempted to ‘splain their $1 payday.

— YAMMA added to their “Old Farts Throwin’ Down” debut event.

— We continued shaking our heads at the Xyience mess.

Kimbo videos got some play, including episode two of “WWKD?” and a Showtime Short.

Sick submissions. Believe it.

— UFC Fight Night 13 was upped to three hours and gained another fight.

— News came at you in nuggets, morsels, bits, and small potatoes.

— Wandy and Baroni made love, not war.

— MMA reality series continued to be churned out of the crap factory.

— We talked chicks – and CP reader Anonymous obviously has a score to settle with Kim Couture.

Enjoy the weekend. We’ll do this all again next week!

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Oh, Jesus: Tito Ortiz Tapped for ‘Tarded Gracie Revenge Series

TO
(Hey, if you say so buddy…)

Last week, we passed judgment on Settle Your Grudge, an ill-advised reality show that Rodrigo and Crosley Gracie are producing, in which two people involved in a feud get to settle it with some BJJ. Think People’s Court, except with the “due process and justice” replaced by “fighting.”

Well, it’s apparently not too lowbrow a concept for Tito Ortiz, who may be signed on as the “famous face” described in the original press release. MMAMania came across this posting on RealityWanted.com which lays out more gory details:

New TV Show Starring TITO ORTIZ is Looking For You!!!!

Do you have a beef with someone and tried everything to solve it but can’t? Did your best friend steal your girl?

Did your old roommate shaft you on your rent? Did you have a falling out with your best friend and have no way to solve it?

Also looking for competitive friends or friends with a problem they need to solve and the only way to do it is to fight it out!

UFC Champion Tito Ortiz is going to train you to battle out your problems in the Octagon!! We are looking for ALL SHAPES AND SIZES to walk into the ring and settle it once and for all!!!!

Both of you would need to come down and audition in our Hollywood studio, so you must live in Southern California!

Casting ASAP!

Can you feel the excitement?! It’s like they used a dartboard to determine how many exclamation points would go at the end of each sentence.

The posting reinforces what initially skeeved us out about the show’s concept to begin with — their attitude that when personal disputes get too heated, “the only way to [resolve them] is to fight it out!” It’s like they’ve never realized that losing a fight makes the average person more hostile afterwards, and winning a fight often makes the winner even more of a prick than he was in the first place. And if you’re answering an online ad to be on a reality show, chances are you were a huge prick in the first place.

By the way, we suggest you spend some time on RealityWanted.com, which seems to be the social networking site for the delusional, neurotic and fame-desperate. I mean, just look at some of the bullshit they need bodies for. Hello stardom!!!!

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Tito Ortiz + Jenna Jameson + Horse = Not What You’re Thinking

If you haven’t been watching The Celebrity Apprentice…well, you’re not missing much. But our boy Tito is still in the game, and on Thursday’s episode he was part of a challenge where he and three teammates had to run a successful carriage-ride operation in New York’s Central Park. Jenna Jameson shows up with a wad of hot money she just got from God-knows-where, and they ride off. And she calls him “pumpkin.” And it’s really gross.

(Props: MMAFever)

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Tito and Jenna Do Howard Stern

JJ
(Movie magic.)

Tito Ortiz and Jenna Jameson stopped by the Howard Stern Show this morning to promote Jenna’s new book, Jenna Tales: Something Blue. Some of the segment’s highlights:

— Ortiz claimed he could beat Chuck Zito, Jet Li, Chuck Norris, and Bruce Lee in fights, and could defeat Mike Tyson within 30 seconds in an MMA-rules bout.

— Ortiz on Dana White: “He’s an egotistical egomaniac. He wants to be a fighter and a superstar. I’ve worked so hard for (the UFC) and put my ass on the line. I’ve fought injured and with a torn ACL and a bulging disc and still put my ass on the line, and they still don’t show me respect. Dana’s like Don King. The only thing that separates him and Dana White is the color of their skin.” On the UFC: “They make about $43 million on pay-per-view, which doesn’t even include (the live gate), which is another $5 million, and not to mention merchandise sales.” Ortiz expressed his feeling that all UFC fighters should be getting a bigger cut of the company’s revenue.

— According to Ortiz, Jenna Jameson’s new, smaller breast implants are “awesome.” Jameson gave Ortiz credit for turning her back onto men. “He’s good at the same things women are,” she said. (Excuse us for a moment as we find something to throw up in. Ah, this saucepan will do.)

— From the show summary on HowardStern.com: “Jenna confessed that she sometimes gets sore because Tito wants sex so often…Jenna also took the opportunity to deny claims that she’s had a botched vaginoplasty; ‘My cookie is beautiful and I love it.’ Tito seemed to agree.” There was also some stuff about porn, Britney Spears, and bejeweled goggles that we won’t reprint.

— Ortiz is coming out with an autobiography in June called It’s Going to Hurt. What’s going to hurt, being outsold by your girlfriend at Borders?

— Ortiz used to be a meth addict.

Note to Tito: Please stop talking about how much the UFC makes, and how much they’re not paying you. It’s like walking around with a big “SUE ME” sign on your back.

(Respect: FiveOunces, MMAJunkie)

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Afternoon MMA News Roundup: Got Your Injunction Right Here

TO
(Tito Ortiz: Planning his next move?)

Too boring to get posts of their own — just boring enough to be lumped in with a few other stories!

UFC 81 drew 10,583 spectators at the Mandalay Bay Events Center in Las Vegas on Saturday, with 7,167 of those asses-in-seats actually paying for their tickets. That’s the lowest paid-attendance figure for a Mandalay Bay UFC event since UFC 48, which featured Ken Shamrock vs. Kimo Leopoldo as the main event. “Breaking Point” took in a live gate of $2,437,890, which is the sixth-lowest total out of the venue’s past seven UFC events. This could all be explained by an inordinate amount of comp tickets being handed out for Brock Lesnar’s Octagon debut, and the UFC could have easily gotten their money back on pay-per-view buys. But since the UFC isn’t required to release information on PPV revenue, we may not hear the full story for some time.

— Tito Ortiz may be planning a 10-year-anniversary re-match with Frank Shamrock outside of the UFC. The two fighters first met at UFC 22 back in September 1999, where they battled for the UFC’s 205-pound title. Shamrock won by submission due to strikes near the end of the fourth round, then retired from the UFC with a perfect 5-0 record in the organization.

Zuffa has filed a motion for preliminary injunction against Randy Couture, with a hearing date set for March 4th. The injunction will likely be focused on preventing Couture from making further breaches of the non-compete agreement in his employment contract.

— Though most Canadian provinces have given MMA their blessing, the sport is totes unkosher in Ontario.

— I just finished eating some thai food. It wasn’t bad.

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Tito Ortiz Won’t Win ‘Celebrity Apprentice’

Jenna Jameson threw Tito Ortiz a surprise 33rd birthday party at the Las Vegas club CatHouse on Friday night, and RawVegas.tv‘s cameras were there. Check out the clip below, which reveals the following:

— An eerily reserved Mike Tyson says he’s finished with fighting.
— Troy “Rude Boy” Mandaloniz thinks Frank Mir will beat Brock Lesnar at UFC 81, but Ortiz is calling it for Brock by stoppage in the second round.
— When asked if he’ll make it to the finals on Celebrity Apprentice, the HBBB gives a long, meandering answer that culminates in “I lasted a long time.” Eh, we saw that coming.
— The UFC treats Ortiz “like shit.”
— Jameson revealed that her and Ortiz are trying to have kids (!), who Ortiz thinks will be “beautiful” (!!).
— Kendall Grove is officially going to be a father. “My shit works,” he says, drunk as hell.
— When Jenna is dancing on stage, people tend to forget about Tito.

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