The first time I ever got drunk it was thanks to Mickey’s Fine Malt Liquor. At the time I was fifteen and didn’t know that the phrase “Fine Malt Liquor” made no sense at all. Some friends and I got the big mouth bottles and drank them as fast as we could in the vacant lot behind the supermarket. Needless to say, we soon threw up and had horrible headaches, but the point was we did it. The fact that it was awful only made us feel more like men, which of course we weren’t. It wasn’t until a few months later when I saw a homeless man drinking a forty of Mickey’s in the street while holding his pants up with his free hand that I realized maybe we had been using the wrong metric by which to gauge our manhood.

Mickey’s lost me as a customer back then, but that doesn’t mean they’re giving up. They’ve apparently decided to go the Coors Light route, and instead of investing money into coming up with a better product they’re simply going to do weird stuff to the container. The newest weird thing: putting Tito Ortiz on their limited edition cans.

There’s something that’s just too perfect about seeing Ortiz hook up with Mickey’s. They were both once beloved by the UFC until the organization found something better, and they’re both responsible for regrettable pregnancies. Too far?

(‘Ain’t love beautiful and totally freaking bizarre, baby?’)

Okay, so that headline might be slightly misleading. All we know for sure is that there is a baby inside Jenna Jameson. How it happened and who’s to blame, that’s all speculation until they go on the Maury Povich show to get the DNA test done. The real question is, when the results are announced, will Tito be the type of guy who launches into a awesomely inappropriate celebration dance? Oh, these timeless questions.

Our friends over at Holy Taco have more on Jenna’s official pregnancy announcement, as well as a hilarious take on what the fateful night of conception must have been like. Naturally, this is followed by a photoshop that will probably condemn you to hell for all eternity just for looking at it. As if you weren’t headed there, anyway.

We can’t help but wonder what kind of child will come out of this union of bodily fluids. Being the progeny of famous people already increases your chances of being a total screw-up in life, even more so than being the progeny of rich people, and this kid will be both.

But beyond that, it will also be the child of two people who are famous for, shall we say, unconventional reasons. Perhaps no other child in the history of the universe will have as many opportunities to get in fights with kids at school who say things about his mother, while also having such great chances to win all those fights via ground-and-pound.

Could this be the perfect recipe for creating a future MMA star? Maybe. Or else he’ll grow up hating his parents and become an ultra-conservative evangelical preacher who leads aggressive campaigns to outlaw pornography, pro fighting, hastily-thrown-together memoirs, and hair dye. Either way, this child is going to be something special.

(Photo courtesy of StrikeforceUSA.net.)

One of the most unfortunate aspects of Tito Ortiz’s bizarre negotiation cock-up with Affliction is that it’s jeopardizing his grudge match with Renato “Babalu” Sobral, the Brazilian UFC vet who would love, love, love to kick the crap out of him. After Sobral’s impressive unanimous decision over Mike Whitehead last month at “Affliction: Banned,” a meeting between Babalu and the Huntington Beach Bad Boy seemed inevitable. Right now, the only thing that’s certain is that Sobral will be fighting Bobby Southworth on September 20th for Strikeforce’s light-heavyweight championship, and he’s currently training hard to be worthy of the belt. Our own Luiz De Souza chatted with Sobral recently about Ortiz, Strikeforce, and the real story behind his unique nickname.

***

CAGEPOTATO.COM: First of all, how likely is it that we’ll see you face Tito Ortiz in Affliction?
RENATO SOBRAL: I don’t know when that fight will happen. It’s not up to me — if it was, I would have beaten his ass yesterday.

You’ve said that facing Tito would be your “dream fight.” Why is that, exactly?
First of all because he said that I am a “C-class fighter,” then he went on to say that I am a third-world country fighter. It would be a pleasure for me to kick his ass.

What do you think of him as a person?
Well…he is a good fighter. But it would be my pleasure to send him to hell.

If you two fought, how do you think the fight would end?
Whatever way in which the ending is me sending him to hell.

The salaries for some of the fighters at the first Afflicton show were incredibly high — do you feel like you were underpaid compared to guys like Ben Rothwell, Matt Lindland, or some of the other headliners?
I don’t really comment on money. Some make more money; others who are just starting make less. I have nothing to complain about.

How has Affliction treated you, compared to some of the other promotions you’ve worked for?
I’ve been treated very well by everyone, and I have nothing to complain about. I am a professional. Fighting is a business — the show doesn’t have to be the fighter’s father and mother.

(Trump Jr.: Voted most likely to buy and sell jerks like you.)

In an interview with MMA Rated Radio today Donald Trump Jr. discusses the Trump involvement in Affliction, along with related topics. The interview as a whole is definitely worth listening to, if for no other reason than to hear the occasional Thurston Howell III-type inflection come into Trump Jr’s voice, but things really get interesting when they start talking Tito Ortiz.

As we’ve all heard by now, the talks aren’t going well, which is par for the Tito course. But to hear Trump Jr. tell it, Ortiz’s sense of his own worth is even more out of control than we thought:

“It was a bit of a shock to us…I can’t make it a one man show or the Tito Ortiz show giving him more than a guy like Fedor who is coming in here with a winning record…I was (disappointed). I was shocked. It was almost like don’t even bother calling back because there is no point in making a deal here…it was aggressive.”

“There’s nothing concrete as of yet. If we can come to something, great. If not, so be it.”

“I think Tito’s obviously a good draw and he’d be good to have for a show. To say anything else would be stupid. However, that draw comes with an expense. In the cost-benefit analysis the question is, is it worth it? The answer is, at those numbers, definitely not.”

Trump Jr. also said that he was not surprised to hear the reports that Ortiz was once more negotiating with Zuffa, saying he expected him to “try and play both sides,” but given the acrimonious relationship with Dana White he thinks Ortiz will eventually end up signing with Affliction.

If it doesn’t go down that way, I doubt the Trump’s will be crying into their martinis. At Ariel Helwani’s prodding, Trump Jr. seemed to admit that the early negotiations with Ortiz have made him wonder if the guy isn’t more trouble than he’s worth, regardless of the price. Like the magic eight ball says, ‘All signs point to yes.’

Despite announcing that he had signed a “ground-breaking record” deal with Affliction, Tito Ortiz is now said to be negotiating with other organizations, including Elite XC and the crazy Kentuckians of the AFL. It seems only fair. Why should Affliction get to hog all the Tito crazy? Their contract negotiations with him are said to be troubled, so that could be the impetus for him looking elsewhere. He’s even said to be in talks with the UFC, which might be the source of this anonymous quote:

“I don’t know if we’re really negotiating, or simply helping Tito stroke his giant ego,” one frustrated company representative said Sunday, Aug. 17.

Why does it have to be an either/or situation? Why can’t it be both? This is Tito Ortiz we’re talking about. Most of his actions are designed to boost his ego.

The idea that Tito could end up back in the UFC is, in a word, insane. Not only is he not enough of a draw at this point to justify the price tag or the headache, but Dana White seems to genuinely hate him too much to give him any more money or TV time. It would seem more likely that the UFC is trying to drive the price up on Affliction, but that’s just one man talking sense.

If Ortiz does sign with the AFL — the organization known for giving huge contracts to lesser-known female fighters and putting many of their economic eggs into the AFL-brand dress pants basket — I think it’s safe to say that they will officially be the zaniest and least viable MMA organization in existence. Now that I think about it, that does seem like the appropriate home for Tito.

The good people at famed gentleman’s magazine Playboy have an interview with UFC prez Dana White in their September issue (which drops Friday, August 15) and one of the more interesting nuggets to come out of it are White’s remarks on what torpedoed the HBO deal:

“I pulled the plug at the 23rd hour. HBO was pi**ed off… I would have had to sell out, literally. They would have owned the UFC… I took meetings with HBO’s boxing guys. I’ll tell you, if I had to hear one more time about how many fu**ing Emmys they had won, I was going to dive out the window. I said ‘You won a bunch of Emmys, but I’m kicking your a** on pay-per-view.”

Awesome. Do I believe Dana White actually said that to HBO executives? Not really, but it’s still a good story. As much as people criticized him for not making the HBO deal happen, you have to respect his desire to maintain his autonomy, even if it means not blowing up big time with HBO’s Emmy factory.

Of course, it wouldn’t be a Dana White interview if he didn’t bash Tito Ortiz:

(Tito and Jenna, still trying to solve that age-old argument about which is the more lucrative industry: fighting or screwing?)

Here’s what you know going into contract negotiations with Tito Ortiz: he is going to insist that you pay him waaaay more than he’s actually worth, and he will genuinely believe that it’s justified. That’s what Affliction is finding out. After claiming he had a “ground-breaking record” contract in the works only to have his statement directly contradicted by Affliction COO Michael Cohen, Ortiz is now actually said to be in negotiations with Affliction, though it isn’t going well.

Affliction VP Tom Atencio told MMA Weekly, “We’ve got a contract, and it’s just not feasible.”

I think we can untangle that odd syntax enough to infer that what he means is Ortiz has told them how much money he wants and it’s absolutely ridiculous. Color me surprised. The problem is that Ortiz has an inflated sense of what he can bring to an MMA organization at this point. For example, he claims that he’ll do a guaranteed 500,000 pay-per-view buys for Affliction. This is what’s known as “crazy talk.”

Ortiz isn’t that big a star anymore. He only thinks he is. MMA fans have seen him limp along the last few years with victories over an over-the-hill Ken Shamrock and his more recent loss to Lyoto Machida, so it isn’t likely that too many of the hardcore faithful are dying to see “The Huntington Beach Bad Boy” back in action.

If his reasoning is that fans of “The Apprentice” are going to plop down forty bucks to see him fight “Babalu” Sobral (who most of them have probably never heard of) in Affliction (an organization they may or may not be aware of), then he’s overestimating the reality TV crowd’s attention span. They’ve forgotten him in favor of Brooke Hogan and Mr. Boston by now.

When the people who paid Matt Lindland $300,000 and Tim Sylvia $800,000 think your expectations are “not feasible,” you must really be off the mark.

Dana White’s UFC 87 Video Blog – Watch more free videos

Dana White’s video blog is back, and it picks up steam around the 3:34 mark when he sits down to dinner with Rampage Jackson, who is totally “not crazy”. Just suffering from some “delirium”, as it turns out, but otherwise seems to be back to his old self. But don’t worry, the Dana White news update doesn’t stop there.

White appeared on a radio show recently (download the full version here, via Bloody Elbow) in which he has some sharp words for Roger Huerta. As you might have guessed, he is not pleased with Huerta’s comments bashing the organization’s treatment of him, and White responds by painting Huerta as an overhyped prima dona. And who overhyped him? The UFC, of course. But that doesn’t mean he should believe it, according to White:

“Roger Huerta’s a guy who’s been reading the headlines a little too much. You get out there and promote the guy and he’s like, “Look at all the papers I’m in, look at all the promotion I’m getting, I want a lot more money.’ Well he hasn’t fought anybody to get the money yet. He beats Kenny Florian, that’s a whole different ballgame.”

“Roger Huerta has contract problems? What’s his contract problem? He signed a contract, he’s under contract, when his contract is up he’ll renegotiate a new one. …What he was bitching about was doing PR. In his thing he said, ‘They got me out there doing PR.’ Yeah, moron. How do you think you make money? You don’t make money unless people know who you are and want to see you fight. Am I supposed to pay Roger Huerta to go out and do PR? Is that how it works?”

“That’s not how it works. When Oscar De La Hoya fights, he’s on Leno and Letterman. The night before his fight, he weighs in in Las Vegas, and then flies to Los Angeles to do PR for the fight. Because he makes more money. Because he becomes more popular and more people want to see him fight. …What happens is these guys turn into pussies, is what happens.”

(That’s the kind of youthful exuberance Affliction needs!)

Today’s Affliction press conference managed to temporarily steal some of the media spotlight away from UFC 87, as the organization announced that they had signed former IFL lightweight Chris Horodecki, and revealed a planned bout between IFL heavyweight champ Roy “Big Country” Nelson and Paul Buentello at their next in event in Vegas on October 11. That’s right, Nelson will not face Xtreme Couture’s Jay White in a pump-up squash match, as was previously rumored. Instead he’ll get something closer to a real test when he takes on the revitalized Buentello, who is fresh off a decision victory over Gary Goodridge at Affliction: Banned.

Affliction VP Tom Atencio said he was “really excited” about signing Horodecki and added that “everything is falling into place for Las Vegas.”

What Affliction didn’t announce at the press conference was the official signing of Tito Ortiz, who was said to be close to a “ground-breaking record contract” with the organization. According to Michael Cohen, Affliction’s COO (also Special Counsel to Donald Trump, see how that works?) there’s nothing to get excited about just yet:

(“Yaaaaaaaay!” Photo courtesy of MMA Mania.)

According to SI.com, Tito Ortiz signed a deal with Affliction yesterday that will make him the highest paid fighter in MMA history, and will compete at Affliction’s “Day of Reckoning” card (October 11th, Las Vegas); his opponent is expected to be Renato “Babalu” Sobral. Though he wouldn’t drop specific numbers, Ortiz told SI’s Arash Markazi:

“I guarantee you that my contract will be like no other…It will be a ground-breaking record contract for sure, without a doubt. There’s so much money to be made right now in mixed martial arts and it’s all about the fighters trying to make that money. It’s going to be a long-term deal where I put my heart and soul into the company and help build them…They’re going to bring me on, not just as a fighter but also doing some of the back work also…

I’m going to a company that’s going to take care of me, a company that’s going to respect me, a company that’s going to put me in the forefront and make me the ambassador that I’ve always been.”

Regarding Affliction’s drawing power with him on board, Ortiz was optimistic — perhaps insanely so:

“I know they want to make some money and I know they got over 100,000 pay-per-view buys on their first show and with me it’s guaranteed to be over 500,000 pay-per-view buys just by the number of fans that are going to follow me no matter where I go so they’re going to get there money’s worth just in pay-per-view no matter what.”

(‘Who has the nachos? Don’t act like I don’t know nachos when I smell ‘em!’)

After reports that Zuffa was buying the video library and at least some of the IFL’s fighter contracts, we kept expecting the flood of stories about all the ex-IFL’ers making the jump to either the UFC or WEC. So far news has been relatively light on that front, but it looks like Affliction has swooped in to pick off a couple of top prospects for themselves.

MMANews.com reports that Roy Nelson will face Xtreme Couture’s Jay White at Affliction: DoR (the abbreviations have already begun, deal with it) in October. Nelson was the IFL’s only official heavyweight champ, and White is…2-5. Wonder which of these guys is being groomed for a big future in the stacked Affliction heavyweight division?

Meanwhile, Sherdog is passing along info that a rematch with Antonio Rogerio Nogueira has been offered to IFL light heavyweight champ Vladimir Matyushenko. Vladdy beat Little Nog via decision in 2002, and he never faced much of a test during his unbeaten run in the IFL. Matyushenko would make an excellent addition to the growing 205-pound ranks in Affliction, which should soon include Tito Ortiz, who Matyushenko lost a decision to in 2001.

In other news…

- Fightlinker has enlisted the services of Matthew Polly — author of this hilarious and highly recommended book — to review several of the MMA “memoirs” that have hit the shelves in recent months. Polly does to their sense of narrative and craft (and their ghostwriters’ sense of exactly how much work they’d have to do to get paid) what these same fighters would likely do to the face of anyone who uses words like narrative and craft. Fun times. Check out his review of “Iceman: My Fighting Life” and you’ll see what we mean.

- Ever wondered how rich Dana White really is? Well, rich. But Wall Street Fighter tries to nail down a solid figure. It’s actually harder than it sounds, although their photoshop of the UFC Prez is just adorable.

Considering how “special” Donald Trump thinks Tito Ortiz is, this moment was inevitable: Steve Cofield is reporting that Affliction’s second event (October 11th, Las Vegas) will feature a co-headlining bout between Tito Ortiz and Renato “Babalu” Sobral. Though a 60-day non-compete clause in Ortiz’s UFC contract has prevented Affliction from dealing with the HBBB to this point, Ortiz will soon be free to re-launch his career with another fight club, and Affliction VP Tom Atencio is expected to drop the news at a press conference on August 6th.

According to Cofield, “Atencio said the biggest stumbling block for an Ortiz deal would be the financial terms.” Which is especially true given Affliction’s already-loose purse-strings — if Tim Sylvia is worth $800k, and Fedor Emelianenko is worth who knows how much, Ortiz may demand $2 million or more to face Sobral, being that he’s a proven PPV draw.

As for Babalu, he really wants the Tito fight. Oh God does he want it. As he told Tatame, “I want Tito Ortiz. I’m going after that motherfucker, I’ll fuck him (laughs).” Man, those Brazilians — always with the fucking.

Related: Check out this new MMA Rated interview with Tito Ortiz, where Ortiz talks about his future prospects, trashes Dana White some more, discusses his loss to Lyoto Machida, and refers to himself in the third person like 50 goddamned times.

(Photo courtesy of Combat Lifestyle.)

Something strange happened at the Affliction post-fight press conference last night. Co-promoter Roy Englebrecht got up in front of the microphone and thanked the media for their support. Then VP Tom Atencio did the same thing.

‘They must be talking about the L.A. Times,’ I thought to myself. But then they specifically mentioned all the blogs and the websites. As in, the MMA blogs. On the internet. Where the pussies live. Was I dreaming? An MMA organization that puts on a blockbuster card and yet still sees the MMA media as something other than an inevitable aggravation? Was that even possible?

Affliction thinks so. Their first event was not without a few snags — like trouble with the in-arena audio and long, unexplained delays that even forced the cancellation of the Justin Levens-Ray Lizama bout due to time constraints — but they still delivered something unforgettable. In front of almost 14,000 fans in Anaheim, they proved that there really is such thing as an MMA fan base, rather than simply a UFC one.

Of course, that’s a little easier when you’ve got Fedor on your team.

After destroying Tim Sylvia in thirty-six seconds, the number one heavyweight on the planet showed up at the press conference looking in all ways like an unremarkable man. He smiled shyly, as if embarrassed by all the attention, and played down his own accomplishments while saying that his celebration would include a trip to “the big rollercoasters” at Six Flags Magic Mountain.

CagePotato reader “Facey” put together this highlight video featuring MMA’s biggest stars showing little regard for the health of their opponents. From Wanderlei Silva knocking Sakuraba and Jardine dead, to Yves Edwards’s ninja-kick KO of Josh Thomson, to Chuck Liddell beating down Tito Ortiz, to “the Randleplex” — it’s pretty much the only knockout compilation you’ll ever need. If you dig it, let him know in the comments section below or at its original home on Break.com

Break got a cease and desist letter for this one! So here’s another just as good knockout comp from Facey, that for now is living comfortably on YouTube. Enjoy.

- MMA’s most stereotypical fan located? (MySpace)

- Great Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira mini-documentary (MMA Scraps)

- Anderson Silva is a hungry ninja (Sherdog forums)

- Tito Ortiz takes the phrase ‘playing grab-ass’ literally (Combat Lifestyle)

- Affliction ticket sales not too far behind UFC 86 (MMA Payout)

- No more dancing girls for Elite XC on CBS? (Fight Ticker)

- Matt Brown to fight Dong Hyun Kim at UFC 88 (MMA Mania)

- Man with no nose kidnaps insane woman, local news reporter baffled/amused. (Holy Taco)

- The world’s most expensive six-pack of beer. (Wall Street Fighter)

Either that or she’s going over lines for her next movie. Hey-oh!

(Props: MMAFightGirls)

(“Tim is hands-down the greatest shorts-shitter in the world.” Photo props to FiveOuncesofPain.)

From a press release distributed yesterday:

MANHATTAN, NEW YORK (June 3, 2008) — Affliction will pull out its Trump card Thursday when the company officially announces its partnership with Donald J. Trump at a press conference to be held in Trump Tower at 12:00PM. Trump will take the podium to address the press and outline his involvement with Affliction and their entry into the world of professional mixed-martial-arts (MMA) with their first event named, “Affliction Banned,” slated for July 19th 2008 at the Honda Center in Anaheim, California.

“We are very excited to be partnering with the most recognized and accomplished business mogul in the world, ” said Tom Atencio, vice president of Affliction. “Trump is a true visionary who shares our belief in the future of MMA.”

“I have been a fan of professional sports since childhood, and I am particularly impressed by the athleticism, courage, and strength of these disciplined athletes.” said Donald J. Trump. “This particular sport resembles my business style of being fast paced, strategic, and aggressive…remembering to never give up. I am particularly excited to partner with Affliction and become a major player in promotion of MMA; the youngest and fastest growing sport to emerge in the last century.”

We’ll update you tomorrow; as for now, let the speculation begin. It could be as simple as Trump signing up to be the money-man for the fledgling MMA promotion. Though if he’s going to get involved with MMA, we would have thought he’d be hooked up with his Apprentice buddy Tito Ortiz, who has floated the idea of launching his own MMA organization. Stay tuned…

(Kaitlin Young was swept under the rug after her fight with Gina Carano.)

“[T]he doctor actually cleared me to fight the third round but the commission said no. I wanted to continue, my corner wanted to continue. The cut likely would have opened in the third but it was under the eye. If I had to guess, I would say that they didn’t want the visual of a woman with a bloody face on CBS. They also chose not to do a post fight interview with me or to include me in the post fight news conference and after party. I think the reason for that was my beat up appearance after the fight because I was not seriously injured and was completely coherent. I am very disappointed about that but cant help but wonder how people would have responded to that, as stupid as it is.” — Kaitlin Young, on her loss to Gina Carano and resulting media snub.

“Brett is gonna have to learn that it’s about the money…I don’t think [a fight between Brett Rogers and Kimbo Slice] is a fight that I would do. I might do Brett Rogers against [Antonio] Silva…but that’s what makes me a promoter. I appreciate all you guys, but you don’t run me. I’m just saying, I don’t read blogs, I don’t read anything…I run a professional sports franchise. My job is to put asses in seats, build stars, build superstars, not let someone guide me who fights who.” — Gary Shaw, getting a little hot under the collar during an interview with MMARated.

“I’m confident I’ll fight again. I’m also OK with the idea that it may not happen. I may get a bad (court) ruling and I can’t really see myself at this point going back and fighting two more times for the UFC if that’s what the state says I have to do. So there’s the potential I could be done fighting and I’m OK with that too.” — Randy Couture, on his disputed contract status with the UFC.

“Ortiz says he’s ’65 percent’ sure that he’ll begin his own MMA organization. ‘When I was in the UFC, they talked so much about how I wanted to get out of it and how I wanted to stop fighting,’ Ortiz said. ‘It was a bunch of baloney. I still see 3-4 more years of competition left (in me) and I want to build. I want to make a (rival) company neck and neck with the UFC. I think it’s going to be about taking care of the fighters and that’s what I’m going to do.’” — Tito Ortiz in an interview with the Boston Herald.

(Yeah, you should probably get that looked at.)

The Nevada State Athletic Commission announced that six fighters have received medical suspensions related to their losses at UFC 84. They are…

Sean Sherk: Suspended until July 7th, with no contact until June 24th (laceration on right cheek)

Keith Jardine: Suspended until November 21st, with no contact until July 9th, but could be cleared by a doctor to compete as early as July 24th (nasal fracture)

Tito Ortiz: Suspended for six months or until clearance by a doctor (injured left hand and wrist)

Wilson Gouveia: Suspended for six months or until clearance by a doctor (broken nose and ribs)

Kazuhiro Nakamura: Suspended for six months or until clearance by a doctor (broken nose)

Jason Tan: Suspended for six months or until clearance by a doctor (broken nose)

Update from MMAMania:

Goran Reljic — The Croatian is suspended until June 24 and there is no contact allowed until June 15.
Antonio Mendes — The Brazilian is suspended until June 24.
Terry Etim — The British lightweight is suspended until June 24 and there is no contact allowed until June 15 because of a right cheek laceration.
Christian Wellisch — “The Hungarian Nightmare” is suspended until June 8 and there’s no contact allowed until June 1.

After the jump: The third episode of ESPN’s “MMA Live,” where Jon, Kenny, and Franklin run down Kimbo Slice’s controversial main event status, UFC 84′s results, Sunday’s WEC show, and the matchup between Fedor Emelianenko and Tim Sylvia; plus, Bas Rutten demonstrates another nasty neck-crank.

(Oh my God that looks fun!)

Despite being offered a four-fight contract extension before his bout with Lyoto Machida last Saturday, and despite his vague statements during the post-fight interview, Tito Ortiz confirmed last night that he’s absolutely not coming back to fight in the UFC. “Me going to somewhere else is 100% happening,” Ortiz said, like some sort of caveman, or Indian chief, or Yoda. “The way [Dana White] treats me, I can’t continue on with them. He’s a monster and I’m going to go elsewhere where they respect me.”

Ortiz will now begin a three-week tour in support of his autobiography This Is Gonna Hurt, and will then go about deciding where to fight next. He hopes to compete again this fall, and according to MMAWeekly, he’s considered starting his own MMA organization.

In other UFC news you can use…

— The Ultimate Fighter 7‘s resident psycho Matt Brown (6-6), who was out-hustled by Amir Sadollah on last night’s episode, will be taking on TUF 6 castmember Matt “No Regard” Arroyo (3-1) in a welterweight match at the TUF 7 Finale (June 21st; Las Vegas, NV). Brown and Arroyo previously met at an RFC event in November 2006, where Brown won by TKO. At this point, Brown is only the fifth TUF 7 fighter expected to have a spot on the finale card, in addition to the show’s two finalists, and an all-but-confirmed match between Matthew Riddle and Dante Rivera.

($225,000: Enough to buy a new pickup truck and a healthy white baby.)

Official salary and bonus numbers for UFC 84′s fighters have been released by the Nevada State Athletic Commission. Here’s how the guys stacked up:

B.J. Penn: $250,000 ($125,000 to show, $125,000 to win)
Wanderlei Silva: $225,000 ($150,000 to show*, $75,000 for Knockout of the Night)
Tito Ortiz: $210,000
Lyoto Machida: $100,000 ($50,000 to show, $50,000 to win)
Wilson Gouveia: $93,000 ($18,000 to show, $75,000 for Fight of the Night)
Rousimar Palhares: $85,000 ($5,000 to show, $5,000 to win, $75,000 for Submission of the Night)
Goran Reljic: $81,000 ($3,000 to show, $3,000 to win, $75,000 for Fight of the Night)
Rameau Thierry Sokoudjou: $80,000 ($40,000 to show, $40,000 to win)
Thiago Silva: $50,000 ($25,000 to show, $25,000 to win)
Rich Clementi: $40,000 ($20,000 to show, $20,000 to win)
Dong Hyun Kim: $40,000 ($20,000 to show, $20,000 to win)
Sean Sherk: $35,000
Kazuhiro Nakamura: $20,000
Ivan Salaverry: $20,000
Shane Carwin: $12,000 ($6,000 to show, $6,000 to win)
Yoshiyuki Yoshida: $12,000 ($6,000 to show, $6,000 to win)
Terry Etim: $10,000
Keith Jardine: $10,000
Christian Wellisch: $10,000
Jon Koppenhaver: $8,000
Antonio Mendes: $4,000
Jason Tan: $3,000
* Wanderlei Silva’s guaranteed $150,000 salary doesn’t depend on a win bonus.

Overpaid: Wilson Gouveia. Looking back on UFC 84 a year from now, is the two-round almost-war between Gouveia and Goran Reljic going to be remembered by anyone? Yes, Reljic’s relentless left head-kicks were pretty, but Gouveia should have eventually figured out that they were coming. (For us, the presence of Mirko Cro Cop in Reljic’s corner was the early tip-off.)

Underpaid: A lot of people — particularly Shane Carwin, whose Knockout of the Night bonus was robbed from him by Wanderlei Silva. The way I saw it, Carwin’s single-punch, mouthpiece-ejecting KO of Christian Wellisch was more deserving then Wandy’s slightly more prolonged ground-and-pound TKO of Jardine, and Carwin could probably use the money more. Other than that, what the fuck is up with the UFC’s newcomers making three, four, and six thousand dollars to show? Goddamned slave wages. The UFC made $3.7 million off of “Ill Will”‘s gate; they could certainly afford to establish a minimum base salary of $10,000 for their fighters if they wanted to.

(Wandy’s triumph; courtesy of UFC.com)

(Penn outboxes Sherk; courtesy of Sherdog)

(Tito Ortiz comes within a ball-hair of submitting Lyoto Machida; courtesy of Las Vegas Sun)

(Michael Jackson takes in the fights; courtesy of TMZ)

Forgive the G’n'R reference, but I’m really that excited. Click the “more” link and refresh your browser every few minutes for live updates from the “Ill Will” pay-per-view broadcast, beginning at 7 p.m. PT. Good luck to the fighters, the betters, the pickers, and the soon-to-be pukers.

Here’s the second episode of ESPN’s new online series, MMA Live, co-hosted again by Kenny Florian. In this installment, the panel breaks down UFC 84′s main event, Tito Ortiz’s career, Mike Tyson’s rumored jump to MMA, and Rich Franklin’s rumored jump to 205. In the “MMA for Dummies” segment, Bas Rutten runs us through “The Exorcist,” a neck crank sub perfect for when your opponent just ain’t givin’ up that rear-naked choke. If you missed the first episode, it’s after the jump.

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Fowlkes and I spend a lot of time pondering and writing about MMA. Often, we disagree. With that in mind, we’d like to present the first installment of a new feature where we argue about the topics of the day — in this case, all the major themes coming out of Saturday’s UFC 84. This one’s actually a two-parter; come back tomorrow for spirited debate on Wanderlei Silva’s future, the necessity of ring girls, and the intensity of BJ Penn and Sean Sherk’s personal relationship.

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QUESTION: What will be the best fight of UFC 84?

Goldstein: The best fight of a given event generally starts with a large dose of drama and ends with a decisive finish. Penn/Sherk has drama out its ass — these guys hate each other — and Ortiz/Machida has it too, as it’s Ortiz’s last fight, and one that Dana White desperately wants him to lose. But I wouldn’t bank on Ortiz/Machida to be a particularly exciting match. Both fighters are questionable finishers (five of Machida’s last seven matches have gone to a decision, compared to four of Ortiz’s last seven) and before his punking of Rameau Thierry Sokoudjou, Machida was widely thought to be a boring fighter. The UFC set this match up to make Ortiz look less marketable, and it isn’t likely to be a barn-burner.

As for Penn and Sherk — how can this be anything less than legendary? Penn tends to make any fight exciting, and both guys will be looking to finish. Penn has to exploit his striking advantage and avoid being laid on by Sherk; a dull fight is not in Penn’s best interest, strategically speaking. I think Sherk is too tough to get stopped earlier than the third round, and if the fight goes into the championship rounds, his conditioning advantage will kick in. So Penn has this sweet spot of the third round where he’s most likely to win, and as the minutes and rounds tick by, anticipation will amp up the drama even further. If BJ wins, he’ll be the UFC’s undisputed lightweight ruler, and his reaction could be just as memorable as the fight itself.

Fowlkes: While I agree with your preconditions for what makes a great fight, I don’t necessarily think it will be Penn-Sherk that turns in the best performance of the night. Seems to me that you’re forgetting about Wanderlei Silva/Keith Jardine. That has plenty of drama — Silva needs a win badly and Jardine needs something to force the UFC to stop overlooking him — and it features two guys who like to stand and bang, which always yields great potential for a decisive finish.

On top of that, when’s the last time you saw Wanderlei in a boring fight? Tell me. I demand to know. I think Sherk-Penn will be worth the pay-per-view price alone, but Silva-Jardine is going to produce some fireworks either way, my friend.

Here’s the latest video of Tito Ortiz talking and talking and talking. Along the way, he calls Dana White a “money hungry, tryin’ to be superstar,” a “wannabe gangster,” and a “jazzercise trainer,” calls Chuck Liddell a “puppet,” and denies that he’s a moron and a retard. You’ll have to judge for yourself.

(Props: Sherdog via MMA Fever)

(Listen, buddy: win first, skanks later.)

As promised yesterday — here are the final picks I’m making for my ipecac bet with Ryan of Fightlinker. Will they be enough for me to avoid vomity humiliation? Well, Ryan has mentioned that he’s predicting Wanderlei Silva and Tito Ortiz will win their bouts, and I don’t see the rest of his choices being any less duhtarded. We’ll be scoring this on the three-point system: one point for calling the winning fighter, and additional points for correctly calling the method of victory (one point) and round (one point). How fun! My picks are below; feel free to debate them in the comments section. — Ben G.

MAIN CARD
B.J. Penn def. Sean Sherk via submission, 3rd round : I went over this in my UFC 84 gambling guide. Fowlkes made some good points yesterday, but I still think Sherk is going out like Joe Stevenson, with a bloody face and an arm around his neck. Just because Sherk’s two losses didn’t come via submission doesn’t mean that he’s unsubmittable, especially against someone as talented as Penn.

Keith Jardine def. Wanderlei Silva via decision: I also went over this in the gambling guide. (By the way, if you want to see a short video version of me making those exact same points, check out this clip from CombatWire.com.) Jardine was able to outsmart Chuck Liddell when they fought, and Wanderlei Silva is basically a dumber version of Chuck. I think the most logical pick is another decision win for Jardine.

Wilson Gouveia def. Goran Reljic via KO/TKO, 2nd round: I don’t like to pick against guys with undefeated records, but that rule shouldn’t apply when a fighter has less than eight pro fights, and Reljic (7-0) has beaten absolutely nobody you’ve ever heard of. I wouldn’t assume that Gouveia’s ground skills are necessarily better than Reljic’s, but I can see him catching the Croatian with a heavy shot, Lambert-style. Also, betting against the American Top Team is generally a bad move.

Lyoto Machida def. Tito Ortiz via decision: Machida isn’t a fight-finisher, and unless he’s in the cage with Ken Shamrock, Tito really isn’t either. But Machida is far more well-rounded, and his tendency to take his opponents out of their rhythm is well-documented. I’m very confident that Machida will win, and he could easily do it via TKO or submission, but given the recent fight histories of these two, a decision feels likely.

Thiago Silva def. Antonio Mendes via KO/TKO, 2nd round: Undefeated record + UFC experience + ATT = a total lock. Eight of Thiago Silva’s 12 wins have come via first-round stoppage; ten come via KO/TKO. The only advantage that Brazilian UFC newcomer Antonio Mendes has is that he’s 3-0 against guys named Silva. He is a hard-ass, though, and I don’t foresee a steamrolling. I say Mendes gets through round one, shaken but not quite out.

As for the undercard…

(Anderson Silva: Pound-for-pound the worst liar in the world.)

— Chuck Liddell’s hamstring injury, which forced him to pull out of a match against Rashad Evans at UFC 85, isn’t looking good. “He can barely bend over and tie his shoe,” Dana White said. “He tore his leg real bad. It’s pretty nasty.” As of now, there’s no official estimate on how long it will take for the Iceman to recover and return to the Octagon.

— A welterweight bout between Tamdan “AFC” McCrory and Luke Cummo is expected to go down at UFC 87. Both men are coming off losses — to Akihiro Gono and Luigi Fioravanti, respectively — and if this isn’t a “win or get fired” match, we don’t know what is. (Update: Cheick Kongo and BodogFight/Gladiator Challenge vet Dan Evensen are also expected to meet at UFC 87.) In other fight-booking news, a lightweight match between Spencer Fisher (who most recently lost to Frankie Edgar by decision at UFC 78) and Jeremy Stephens (who most recently TKO’d Cole Miller at UFC Fight Night 12) has been added to the Ultimate Fighter 7 finale (June 21st, Las Vegas).

— Remember that two-day seminar that Anderson Silva was supposed to do this weekend at Miletich Fighting Systems Houston? Well, he backed out at the last minute, citing “personal family health issues.” Turns out Silva was in Miami doing a two-day seminar at the grand opening of his own school. Said Alex Lopera of MFS Houston, “If this is true then we have been completely mislead and as you can imagine we are furious at this. We are doing our due diligence to confirm that this is really happening. If this is true we will take all legal recourse possible.” Busted!

— Tito Ortiz predicts that at UFC 84 there will be “about 16,000, probably 15,999 [fans] that will be screaming about Tito and there will be that one person that’s hating on me.” Sure, but he’ll be hating on you so loud that it’ll seem like thousands of people, all over the arena. That son-of-a-bitch and his voice-throwing…

(“Gimme $2,000 on Jardine.”)

This has already been getting some play on the forums, but for those weak bastards who haven’t joined yet, betting odds for UFC 84′s three marquee match-ups have been released. Shall we take a look?

BJ Penn (favorite) vs. Sean Sherk (underdog)
Our buds at BetUS have Penn as a -230 favorite (you’d have to bet $230 to win $100 back) with Sherk riding the +180 underdog line (a $100 bet would score you $180). Setting aside BJ’s current hype as one of the most talented fighters in the world, he really does hold an advantage over Sherk in every aspect other than conditioning; his standup is better, his submissions are much better, and he’s not going to let Sherk lie on top of him the entire fight. But Sherk’s undeniable talent and accomplishments are preventing oddsmakers from calling this any wider than it already is. If you want to make a high-percentage wager on the Prodigy, do so at BetUS. If you’re going for the longshot, throw down a bill on Sherk at PinnacleSports, where they’re giving the Muscle Shark a juicy +232 line.

Lyoto Machida (favorite) vs. Tito Ortiz (underdog)
BetUS says -220 for Machida and +175 for Ortiz, a slightly closer line than Penn/Sherk, owing partly to the fact that Machida still doesn’t have a win against a top-10 light heavyweight under his belt — not that Ortiz is top 10 anymore, but he could easily be Machida’s toughest challenge to date. Will the Dragon still stomp Ortiz? Yeah, pretty much. Ortiz may be a better wrestler, but that’s about it. Lyoto seems to come from the Anderson Silva school of well-rounded badasses with very few holes in their game, and he’s probably a lot more focused than the stretched-in-all-directions Ortiz, who can hopefully schedule some workouts between reality show appearances, t-shirt company management, sex with Jenna Jameson, and bitching about Dana White whenever there’s a microphone in the room. Pinnacle has Machida at a far more attractive -185, while Ortiz nut-huggers can squeeze a tiny bit more value out of their misguided bet at BetCris, where he’s +180.

Wanderlei Silva (favorite) vs. Keith Jardine (underdog)
Here, folks, is the only smart underdog bet of the lot. BetUs has Wandy as a -185 favorite with Jardine the ‘dog at +145. Look, we know the Axe Murderer was a killer in PRIDE — but he needs to win a couple in the Octagon to convince me that he’s just as fearsome over here. Take away the use of soccer kicks and knees to the head on the ground, biased refs and judges, matchmaking that had him go up against opponents that were tailor-made for his style, (*cough*steroids*cough*), and the confidence that comes from never losing, and we’re not even talking about the same guy anymore. Silva won’t be doing any axe-murdering at UFC 84 — he’s going to be fighting not to lose, and will come out a much more cautious, tentative version of himself. Meanwhile, Jardine is surely working on another great game-plan with Greg Jackson, knowing that if he pulls off another big win his title shot will be waiting. Great risk, great reward, etc. Pinnacle and Sportsbook have Jardine at a solid +150. I don’t think there’s enough value in a bet on Wanderlei, but if you disagree, Pinnacle and Bodog have him at a more reasonable -160.

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(We couldn’t find a picture of Tito posing with a 40 oz. bottle of Mickey’s malt liquor, but this is pretty close.)

If you needed more proof that Tito Ortiz is truly, madly, deeply done with the UFC after fighting Lyoto Machida at UFC 84, here goes: The Huntington Beach Bad Boy has just inked a major sponsorship with Mickey’s, which will see the “Fine Malt Liquor” developing promotions, events and packaging featuring Ortiz. Mickey’s will also be involved in cross-promotion with Ortiz’s Team Punishment clothing brand.

Unless you’ve sustained trauma to your hippocampus recently, you’ll recall that Mickey’s was the official beer sponsor of the Octagon until the UFC found greener pastures with Anheuser-Busch/Bud Light, and that Tito Ortiz was one of the UFC’s franchise-carrying fighters until he shifted his focus to acting, dating a porn star, and being a general pain in Dana White’s ass. And now they’ll be together, grumbling about how they never needed the stupid UFC anyway. Wonderful.

Still, this Mickey’s sponsorship could be pretty cool, depending on what Tito does with it. As long as he doesn’t demand a “Mickey’s Replay” every time he’s done banging Jenna…