(From Sherdog via MMA Scraps)

Renato Sobral — possibly still upset at being called "one of the greatest light-heavyweights, of the night" at Affliction: Day of Reckoning — apparently had some words with Tito Ortiz at Saturday’s Strikeforce show, and had to be restrained by a handler, while Chuck Zito watched on in the background, just waiting for a chance to jump in and prove that he can still mix it up when shit goes down. Any lip readers in the house know what was being said? A Strikeforce fight between Ortiz and Sobral is a possibility for the future, but as Ortiz told Sherdog, “I might need a tuneup before Babalu.”

Before the show even went down, Nick Diaz and Frank Shamrock had a moment where Frank referred to Nick as a "faggot" (that damn word again!) and Diaz made it clear that he will slap you in your face, bitch. Check it out below.

There’s only one thing in the world that could have dispelled all these bad vibes…

Nick Diaz Interview – Watch more Funny Videos

Our good buddy Ariel Helwani was on the scene after Strikeforce: Shamrock vs. Diaz, and got some camera time with Stockton’s conquering hero Nick Diaz. Diaz was his usual gregarious self — making sure to never make eye contact with either Ariel or the camera — and he attributed his win to intense preparation and top-shelf sparring partners. He also says he could have finished the fight on the ground, but sometimes it’s easier just to throw punches. Does he regret anything he might have said in the buildup to this fight? Not so much, homey.

Below: Tito Ortiz (at left, with sunglasses on the wrong side of his head) says he’d love for Strikeforce to make him a big offer so that the UFC can match it. Ortiz has just finished up physical therapy following his back surgery, and will soon begin training again so he can get back in the cage in August or September.

Tito Ortiz Interview – Watch more Funny Videos

After the jump: Will we see MMA pioneer Royce Gracie return to competition in the near future? Gracie plays it close to the vest, but "anything’s possible." You can see all of Ariel’s recent one-on-ones at Break.com/ArielHelwani.

("Y’know, I used to box a little myself. Say, do you party?" Photo courtesy of this great set on allelbows.)

If not for Cris Cyborg’s woman-problems fiasco, last night’s Strikeforce show would have been an unequivocal success. There were memorable knockouts, brilliant performances (we take back every bad thing we ever said about you, Nick), and one fight (Smith vs. Radach) that will probably make year-end lists as one of the best matches of 2009. Here are some of the stories coming out of the event…

— "Shamrock vs. Diaz" pulled in 15,211 fans for an estimated live gate of $750,000. Said Strikeforce CEO Scott Coker: "We scaled the tickets back for the economy to make it affordable…We tried to be considerate and make it affordable for everybody. Would we like to scale (up) the prices and bring in more revenue? There will be a time for that. We’ll keep building it."

— In the post-event press conference, Coker stated that he’d like to put together the much-anticipated bout between Gina Carano and Cristiane "Cyborg" Santos for Strikeforce’s August event, and said it would be for "our first Strikeforce female title belt." As for the ongoing contract talks with Gina Carano, Coker said, "We’re currently negotiating the final touches of this contract. Hopefully we’ll get it to bed here in the next two weeks or a week. I think we’re very close."

— Also during the press-conference, recent Strikeforce signee Fabricio Werdum said that he’d like to be a future opponent for Alistair Overeem; Werdum previously submitted Overeem via kimura at PRIDE Total Elimination Absolute in May 2006. Said Werdum: "I’m going to take the other arm home. And then the third time it’s going to be hard to fight with no arms at all." Overlooked once again, Brett Rogers said "Before everybody walks away, I mean I wouldn’t mind fighting Overeem. That would be nice right there." Awww, of course it would, big guy!

#10: Frank Trigg‘s stunned disbelief
Affliction: Banned, 7/19/08

It’s not that Trigg’s reaction when Fedor started landing bombs on Tim was inappropriate; in fact, this was pretty much how we reacted during the fight. But when you’re being paid actual money to give insightful commentary about a sporting event, the viewers at home deserve a little better than "OH! OH-HO! OH-HO! OH-HO-NO-HO! OH!" Especially when you consider that this is a recurring trend with Trigg — when crazy shit goes down, the eloquence-train flies off the tracks, so to speak.

#9: Mike Goldberg tells us how precise Anderson Silva‘s precision is

The answer: Really. It’s really precise. Man, sometimes Mike is better off keeping his mouth shut until it’s time to ask Joe Rogan whether or not a fighter’s arm is in trouble. By the way, if you can watch that video for all ten minutes, we’ll send you a t-shirt.

#8: Kimbo Slice fails third-grade geography 
K-1′s World Grand Prix 2008 Final, 12/6/08

(Unfortunately, we couldn’t find a working video of this moment. Hopefully this Esther Lin/Lolcats mashup will be sufficient.)

Okay, give Kimbo a break. The man was extremely jet-lagged, and he clearly meant "the prefecture of Japan known as Kanagawa, which has Yokohama as its capital, where we are right now." It’s not like he asked co-commentator Michael Schiavello what the fuck up with all the Chinese people in the building. That would have been embarrassing. And speaking of which…

#10: Shinya Aoki’s Flying Guard Pull/Japanese Backpack

(Aoki vs. Cavalcante and Moore, respectively.)

When you fight Aoki you know he wants to get things to the ground, and he knows that you know it.  Takedowns and sweeps can be hard to come by against an opponent looking to defend them and almost nothing else, so Aoki has had to find other , more creative ways of getting the fight where he wants it, even getting thrown and briefly mounted from time to time.  One of our favorite maneuvers is his flying guard pull.  It may look silly, but more often than not you’re coming down with him and playing the ground game.  If you defend that, he can always jump on you from behind like a kitschy Japanese backpack.  Think "Hello Kitty," only way more dangerous. 

#9: Matt Hughes‘ Slam

(Hughes KO slams Newton at the 1-minute mark, Frank Trigg gets his at 3:20.)

When wrestlers first emerged as a dominant force in MMA they faced an obvious problem: nothing in their background had prepared them to finish fights.  In the UFC, pinning dudes will just get you boos and a call for action from Big John, so you’d better come up with something else.  Matt Hughes did, and that something was his farmboy slam.  He knocked Carlos Newton out with it at UFC 34, and used it as a staple in his game for years.  Even if it was rarely as effective in ending fights as it was against Newton, it still looked cool when he walked across the cage with an opponent on his shoulder like a sack of flour, and it sure got the fans fired up, like it did in Hughes’ dramatic comeback victory against Frank Trigg at UFC 52.

Tito Ortiz was in Vicksburg, Mississippi talking with 8CountNews.com in this video interview, and it sounds like he’s changed his mind about fighting for Affliction, which is probably a good idea, considering their future plans.  Now Ortiz says he’s “going to pass” on an Affliction contract in the hopes that he can sign with Strikeforce to fight on CBS or Showtime, assuming they’re amenable to his famously ridiculous contract demands.

Honestly, is anyone out there really dying to see Ortiz back in action?  He has some name value and can still hype a fight with the best of them, but to hear him talk sometimes you’d think the whole MMA world was eagerly awaiting his return, as if he’s still a top-ten fighter and not someone who just got bounced out of the UFC.  Though to hear him talk you’d also think he did a good job commentating at the last Affliction show, so I guess I shouldn’t be surprised.  

After the jump, a little taste of what you can expect from the coaches in the next “Ultimate Fighter” season.  

("Mommmmm, you’re embarassing me!")

Netterbog on "Jenna Jameson Gives Birth to Two Lil’ Tito’s": As #2 was turtle-heading its way out, I wonder if Tito gazed lovingly into Jenna’s eyes and said, "let me tell you how you’re feeling right now."
[Ed. note: "Babe, made you me the happiest on Earth man."]

Ted Nutmeg on "Karo Parisyan Suspended, Fined, Stripped of Last Win, and Told ‘Good Day’ by NSAC": Commissioner John Bailey’s statement that the NSAC "can’t have fighters drifting in and out of reality" should have far-reaching implications. At a minimum, I foresee lifetime bans for B.J. Penn, Tim Sylvia, Tito Ortiz, Patrick Cote’s friends, and anyone who has ever had any affiliation with the Lion’s Den at any point in his life.

FEDORISAPUSSY on "Must-See: Franky Van Hove, the One-Legged MMA Fighter": Talk about a one legged man in an ass kicking contest!
[Ed. note: For real. I bet Franky's cornermen never have to tell him to "stay busy".]

Marcer on "BJ Penn to Possibly Form Cult, Lead Unholy Army of Martial Arts Instructors": I came across a few examples of the classes that will be offered at this camp:
"PENN 101 – Maintaining narcissism in the face of adverse reality
PENN 213 – Increasing Chi by consuming blood
PENN 122 – The fundamentals of shit talking
PENN 203 – Cooking with a deep fat fryer – With a short intermission to cover cardiovascular training in its entirety"

If your name has been called, e-mail feedback@cagepotato.com with your name, address, and shirt-size, and we’ll get a CP "Hall of Fame" t-shirt out to you post-haste!

(Welcome to the world, Jameson twins.  You’re screwed.)

Tito Ortiz and Jenna Jameson have put the unfathomable power of their two super-brains to work and come up with names for their newborn twins: Jesse and Journey Jett. 

You know, considering who their parents are, I’d say these kids got off pretty easy.  Although it is a bit of a screw-job to give one kid a normal name and then name the other after a band that won’t even be ironically cool anymore by the time they’re in junior high.  But hey, as long as they’re both carrying around the illustrious Jameson surname neither one of them is going to be lacking in emotional baggage.

In other news…

(Replicating themselves at a frightening pace.)

Porn actress Jenna Jameson gave birth to twin boys in Newport Beach, California today, ensuring that Tito Ortiz’s genetic line will march proudly on into the future.  If you’re like me, you are now imagining two infants with gigantic heads like their father and vacant, surgically weirded-out eyes like their mother.  Adorable.

We already hypothesized that any children to come out of the unholy Ortiz-Jameson union would have the potential to be serious bad-asses, since their father is a world famous fighter and their mother is a world famous fornicator.  You just have to imagine that some fights will erupt on the playground once the other kids know enough to make fun of this unique parentage.  I mean, I grew up with a kid whose mom was the school lunch lady and he had to defend her honor on more than one occasion. 

Now imagine if instead of serving up soggy tater tots in a hair net, your mom was blowing dudes while a midget watched, and the video was readily available on the internet.

(Props: World of MMA)

File under: Things that would be kind of amazing, but don’t have the slightest chance of actually happening. In this quickie interview with Fabricio Werdum, the former UFC heavyweight says his next fight will be for Strikeforce, likely in May (cool!), and his opponent "is possible, maybe, Kimbo" (oh no!). Throwing Ferg against a seasoned killer like Werdum seems to contradict Scott Coker’s previously stated plan to build Slice back up slowly, so we’re raising an eyebrow at this one. But for the record, Fab says that his gameplan would be to take Kimbo down and submit him. Smart thinking, player; you don’t want none of Kimbo in a stand-up war.

Below: Versus chose not to show the direct aftermath of Damacio Page’s Knockout of the Night over Marcos Galvao at WEC 39, and with good reason — Galvao was completely stiffened after the KO, and then suffered a brief seizure. Check out the gruesome fan-shot video below. Fortunately, Galvao was quickly released from the hospital with no apparent injuries, but it was a scary moment for the fighter and his supporters.

(Props: Fightlinker)

(Gegard Mousasi accidentally interrupts Tito Ortiz’s brilliance at "Day of Reckoning" last Saturday. No, this has nothing to do with your comments; I just thought it was hilarious. Props to VIPete/Gnarly219.)

Scoring the CagePotato "Hall of Fame" t-shirts this week are…

realNick on "Affliction Payouts Are as Ludicrous as You Expect…": Never realized ‘Arlovski 360′ actually stood for the spin Arlovski makes when he gets knocked out.

schnetzler on "Ben vs. Ben: UFC 94 Edition": just to piss you guys off, let’s rhyme more names on the card…

Georges "The Grizzly Bear" St Pierre
BJ "Mother Hen" Penn
Stephan "Badge of Honor" Bonnar
Dong Hyun "Trim and Prim" Kim
Jon "Nobody’s Bitch" Fitch
Akihiro "Oh No" Gono
John "Powered" Howard
Dan "The Shamer" Cramer

Outstanding. If your name has been called, please e-mail us at feedback@cagepotato.com with your real name, address, and shirt-size.

***

UNRELATED REMINDER: Fowlkes will be liveblogging UFC 94 tomorrow night from the MGM Grand Garden Arena, beginning at 10 p.m. ET / 7 p.m. PT. Do not, under any circumstances, miss it.

(Just try and ignore it, passing motorists.)

Today is my lucky day, Potato Nation.  Here I am in Vegas for UFC 94, and it’s the grand opening of the Tito Ortiz Punishment MMA Store.  What are the odds!?  Even better, the store is conveniently located inside the Hooters Hotel and Casino across from the MGM Grand, where the fights will take place tomorrow night, so naturally I had to drop in and see what kind of sweet Team Punishment gear I could pick up.

A sign informed me that Justin “The Insane 1” McCully and Tiki Ghosn would be signing autographs tomorrow afternoon, thus completing what is perhaps MMA’s greatest D-list event.

The store itself is tiny, and filled with exactly the kinds of clothes you’d expect.  Almost every t-shirt featured either a fist or chains, sometimes a combination of both.  Despite today being the grand opening, however, I was the only person in the store.  Well, aside from the three teenage girls working there, who were all fairly brimming with excitement (see below).

(An enormous head, filled with 12 pounds of cookie dough. Photo courtesy of Sherdog.)

We just wanted to share these quotes from Tito’s absolutely stunning broadcast debut at "Day of Reckoning," collected from these threads on the UG:

Sobral/Sokoudjou

"Here we are with Seraldo Babalu, you did an awesome job, saw why you’re a black belt in jiu-jitsu, getting an awesome submission there, I want to tell me what you see, let’s go ahead and see by the fight, what you saw, in the ring."

"You showed the dominance by getting the takedown and looking for a choke in that position. We know the weakness that you had, but you actually showed the heart and determination of a champion of how tough of a light heavyweight you really are, here in the Affliction card. What do you think of the future of you, um, future opponents?"

"Yes, and uh, my back will be better in about three months, so I know all the fans would love to see me and you get it on. You know what, you’re an awesome fighter, congratulations tonight. Everybody lets give a hand to Renato Babalu, one of the greatest light heavyweights, of the night."

Belfort/Lindland

"Matt the Lindland Law…The Law Lindland."

"Well, Belfort, we saw you with an astonishing left hand, that’s the left hand that I used to see you knock people out time and time again, we’re gonna go ahead and go over it. Walk me through it, show me exactly what you seen with this."

"Well, like I said, you show your hand-speed time and time again Vitor, 185 pounds, lady and gentlemen, let’s give Vitor Belfort a round of applause, an awesome 105 pounder, you just beat the number two guy in the world, buddy, you’re on top of the world tonight!"

"Wow! That’s all I got to say. Vitor at 185 pounds. I don’t know. I see him beating the, uh, what was it, Anderson Silva. I see him picking him apart because you have two great boxers, and, man, that was amazing. That was the old Vitor Belfort that we all want to see. Him at 131 years old. He’s back for vengeance."

(‘You may now resume bartering!’)

Fedor Emelianenko and the rest of the Affliction/M-1 traveling circus showed up to ring the Nasdaq opening bell this morning, thus signaling that everything is going to be a-okay in the financial world.  Just to make sure everything went smoothly, Fedor again wore his special sweater.  Either that’s the only article of clothing he brought to America, or Fedor didn’t go back to his hotel room last night because he wandered around the city looking for scary rollercoasters until morning.

- Sean Sherk will not be wrestling Roger Huerta out of the UFC, as was initially rumored, but will instead be taking on Frankie Edgar at UFC 98.  Edgar, who’s coming off a win over Hermes Franca at UFC Fight Night 14, was held down for three rounds by Gray Maynard for his first UFC loss back in April, so at least he knows the drill by now.

- A bout between Mirko “Cro Cop” Filipovic and Mark Coleman is rumored to be a possibility for UFC 99 in Germany this summer.  Dana White said he wouldn’t offer Cro Cop a one fight deal to accommodate his retirement plans, but says he’s open to bringing him back if they can come to terms.  The other opponent the UFC may be offering him?  Tito freaking Ortiz, seen above bro-ing down with Affliction.  

“UFC sources” say that they’d like to get Ortiz back for the Germany show to cash in on his popularity over there.  Apparently he’s a sort of MMA David Hasselhoff, which makes a lot of sense when you think about it.  The biggest obstacle between a Cro Cop vs. Ortiz or Coleman bout right now (aside from the fact that only one of those three men is under contract with the UFC) is the difference in weight classes.  Cro Cop doesn’t want to cut to 205, it seems.  Someone should remind him that Alistair Overeem is considering signing on as a heavyweight.  See if that doesn’t change his mind while also creating an ache in his loins.

(Oscar, his life partner Tito, and their mentally-challenged adopted son Fedor. Mad props: MMA Mania.)

Earlier today in New York, Affliction held a press conference featuring Fedor Emelianenko, Oscar De La Hoya, Tito Ortiz, Donald Trump, Tom Atencio, and Vadim Finkelchtein. (I totally would have been there if not for the fact that something completely historic was happening at the same time; awesome scheduling as always, guys.) All the star power in the room was unfortunately upstaged by Fedor’s horizontally-striped pastel-hued Ultimate Sweater, which probably made De La Hoya and Ortiz very self-conscious about their boring tailored suits. When asked about his sweater, Emelianenko replied, "you dress for job you want, not for job you have."

Just kidding. But according to this Sherdog recap of the presser, here’s what actually went down:

— De La Hoya called MMA’s progress “incredible” and said he expected his company’s success in boxing to follow in MMA through working with Affliction. 

— Affliction VP Tom Atencio said he plans to promote four MMA events per year with Golden Boy. On the UFC’s counter-programming tactics, he said: "They’re going to do what they have to do to make sure that they’re the only game in town. With the organization that we have and the partners we have, I just don’t see that happening."

— "Day of Reckoning" color-man Tito Ortiz said he looked forward to “possibly” fighting for Affliction. 

— Fedor Emelianenko explained that prior to his World Sambo Championships loss in November, he wasn’t as prepared as he should have been, but he’s "fully motivated" for Arlovski. Regarding Arlovski’s much-publicized training with Freddie Roach and Roach’s criticism of Emelianenko’s boxing technique, Emelianenko said, "I never claimed that I had the best boxing technique in the world…[Roach] has trained a lot of great fighters and maybe he’s right, but we’ll see what happens in the ring. We’ll see what Andrei has to offer. We’ll see what I have to offer him.”

After the jump: M-1 Vice President Jerry "Gary" Millen completely bites Dana White’s style with his own video blog, which covers yesterday’s press engagements. What Fedor is wearing at the 4:42 mark may shock you.

#5: Affliction: Banned, 7/19/08

(Photo courtesy of Sherdog)

Sure, the pacing was a little shaky, and the picture quality for the pay-per-view broadcast was kind of dark, and apparently some of you don’t think that Megadeth’s Rust in Peace is one of the most kickass records ever released. But you shouldn’t look a gift horse in the mouth. Affliction’s debut MMA show gave us a supernova of heavyweight star power, featuring Fedor Emelianenko’s 36-second destruction of Tim Sylvia, Andrei Arlovski’s beatdown of Ben Rothwell, and Josh Barnett’s redemptive KO of Pedro Rizzo; elsewhere on the card, we got to see Matt Lindland, Babalu Sobral, Vitor Belfort and Antonio Rogerio Nogueira in action. The organization has since turned into a bit of a shit-show, but with Banned, they gave us nearly everything we could have hoped for.

#4: UFC 87: Seek and Destroy, 8/9/08

(Photo courtesy of ESPN)

The UFC’s visit to Minneapolis proved the following…
— Brock Lesnar is an absolute beast. His takedowns can’t be stopped, and his punches tend to break facial bones. He will mock you after he beats you.
— Kenny Florian is a fantastic fighter, and worthy of a title shot; Roger Huerta maybe had a little more hype than substance.
— Demian Maia is one of the most talented submission specialists in MMA, in any organization, in any weight class. His choke-out of Jason MacDonald gave him his third-consecutive Submission of the Night bonus.
— Ben Saunders might actually be a contender one day.
— Jon Jones is athletic and explosive. I’m sorry, but the clichés are true sometimes.
— Jon Fitch is one tough son-of-a-bitch.
— If you’re fighting Georges St. Pierre, tough ain’t enough.

Props to CombatLifestyle, Sherdog, UFC.com, Fight! Magazine, TMZ, and the Las Vegas Sun.

#12: Wanderlei Silva celebrates his destruction of Keith Jardine at UFC 84.

#11: Urijah Faber bags himself a couple of sasquatches.

#10: Rashad Evans rushes in to finish an already knocked-dead Chuck Liddell at UFC 88.

#9 (tie): Paul Taylor knocks Chris Lytle’s jaw loose; Taylor gets his foot lodged in Lytle’s mouth.

After the jump: A naked Gina Carano, a punch-drunk Kimbo Slice, and a rather disappointed Joe Stevenson.

("We’re gonna need that shirt back too.")

In an attempt to keep his name somewhat fresh in the minds of MMA fans who used to give a damn about him, Tito Ortiz will be appearing at an Affliction "Day of Reckoning" press conference in L.A. tomorrow; sources have indicated to MMA Weekly that Ortiz has agreed to sign with the promotion.

Though January 24th might be too soon a return date for Ortiz — who underwent back surgery in October — Affliction may be using a Tito-signing announcement to drum up more interest in their product, which certainly needs a push leading up to event #2. What we’re really curious about is what might have changed since August, when Tom Atencio called Ortiz’s contract demands "just not feasible." Did the HBBB get a little more realistic with his asking price, or did Affliction decide that they need Ortiz to boost pay-per-view buys, no matter what the cost?

Affliction’s light-heavyweight division isn’t particularly deep, but a few good matchups are possible for Ortiz. Renato Sobral and Rameau Thierry Sokoudjou are facing off next month, and a fight between the winner of that match and Ortiz would be compelling. Vladimir Matyushenko (who Ortiz previously defeated at UFC 33 in September 2001) and Antonio Rogerio Nogueira are also fighting at "Day of Reckoning," which provides another option. Assuming, of course, that Affliction will be around long enough to stage a third event. And assuming that "Day of Reckoning" will take place to begin with. But hey, if it makes sense to Tito, it makes sense to us.

As part of the UFC’s effort to help the Intrepid Fallen Heroes fund, they’re holding an auction to complement the "Fight for the Troops" event on Dec. 10.  Among the items you can bid on is what’s being billed in the video above as a "UFC VIP Experience." 

From the sound of it, you get to choose a fighter you want to hang with (don’t say Tito Ortiz) and the UFC will fly you to an event where he’s fighting, put you up in a hotel, and make you feel like you matter during a dinner with Dana White, Rachelle Leah, and some "UFC greats."  You also get to be part of your fighter’s entourage, which means walking out to the Octagon with him and shouting ‘represent!’ while the camera man motions frantically for you to get out of the shot.

The high bid at the moment is $5,000.  The cause is about as worthy as they come, so if any of you have that kind of coin, we encourage you to go for it.  We also encourage you to go to the strip club and make it rain, because that always sounded like a cool thing to do and we know it, much like this VIP experience, will forever be beyond our grasp.

If the VIP stuff sounds a little out of your league, you can also bid on a copy of the book "Octagon," a limited edition Alligator duffle bag (just cause), or one of the thirty tickets to "Fight for the Troops" that’s being made available to the public.  Or you can just sit at home and do nothing while your life slowly slips away.  Whatever seems more fulfilling.

#10: Rashad Evans serves Tom Murphy on TUF 2

Believe it or not, Rashad Evans used to be a cocky son-of-a-bitch. Finding no challenge from an outmatched Tom Murphy on the second season of The Ultimate Fighter, Sugar entertained himself during the fight by popping, locking, and striking poses until the judges awarded him the victory. The performance also earned him some serious scorn from opposing coach Matt Hughes, but the two eventually put aside their differences and learned to love each other. Now when Rashad dances in the ring, it’s only to pay tribute to the late, great, Redd Foxx.

#9: “Mayhem” Miller mixes clown-and-smile with ground-and-pound

What do you do when Dream gives you a guy who’s nowhere near your level? If you’re “Mayhem” Miller, you have a little fun with it. You start the fight with some kung fu posing, get him down, move to the mount, flash a peace sign for the camera (1:55), then resume punching. Maybe even throw in a double-chop, Sakuraba-style. Why not? The fans love it. What they don’t love is Miller’s faux-retirement. Isn’t it time he dropped that charade? The MMA world is running dangerously low on antics these days.

#8: Anderson Silva’s “52 Blocks” against Patrick Cote

Though Cote continues to tell himself that Silva was simply “lost” and “confused” in this fight, this moment serves as evidence to the contrary. Late in the second round (10:04 in the video) Silva decided to pay homage to his favorite kung fu movies, exhibiting a little Wing Chun action to show his defensive hand skills. At least Silva seemed to be entertaining himself at this point, even if he was the only one who really got a kick out of it. Too bad the fight ended early with Cote’s knee injury. The Dim Mak couldn’t have been far away.

In a development that few of you will admit to caring about, Tito Ortiz now says that returning to the UFC is a real possibility, and he’s looking to emerge from his competitive hiatus this summer. As Michael David Smith at AOL MMA FanHouse writes:

[At] last weekend’s Rumble in the Park in Fresno, Ortiz said, “It’s either going to be with the UFC or it’s going to be with Affliction, but guaranteed, you guys will see me fight — no matter what — by July.”

Ortiz also mentioned that he had back surgery last month, which he deemed successful. He also said it was the same surgery that Nate Quarry had, and Quarry was out of action for 15 months after his back surgery. So Ortiz is very optimistic if he thinks he can guarantee that he’ll return just seven months after the surgery.

He’s also optimistic if he thinks Affliction will still be in the MMA business in July. And he’s optimistic if he thinks UFC will still be willing to do business with him. Bottom line, Ortiz is an optimistic guy.

Of course, it could be worse: Ortiz was close to signing a contract with EliteXC. As former EliteXC fighter Jake Shields said, “Good thing he didn’t sign with them. He’d be on eBay.”

Quick timeline, if you haven’t been keeping up…

(Photo courtesy of PU.)

MMA Eruption passes along this absolute gem from PunishmentAthletics.com:

Be the hit of the party and knock everyone out with your TITO ORTIZ halloween costume.

Costume includes:

Original black flame shorts, Tito Ortiz UFC 84 after fight shirt, Titos trademark yellow beanie, Punishment black socks, 2 new Punishment wrist bands

Fight gloves not included.

Costume available in sizes: S-2XL

retail value: $125.00

Your Cost: $59.99 What a deal! [Ed. note: LOFL!]

Savings of over 50%

Ships out priority mail within 24 hours of order. SO ORDER NOW!

Also not included in the package:

— Blonde hair-dye

— Porn-star baby-mama

— Hepatitis, probably

— A worthless contract with EliteXC

— A “Dana Is My Bitch!” t-shirt, which would look a lot better than that Team Punishment piece ‘o crap.

— The kind of monumental egotism that would compel a person to constantly speak in the third-person.

— Donald Trump’s balls (to be carried in mouth)

Unfortunately, I can’t really dress up as Tito this year — I’m already going out as Seth Petruzelli.

Via MMA Weekly:

Since the Randy Couture fight, I have had lower back problems. Each fight it got worse. I have made it though the last eight fights by physical therapy, methylprednisolone pills, and spinal injections for last three fights.

I fought injured time and time again for the fans. After the Rashad (Evans) fight, I told the fight doctor I was having excruciating back pain. It was so bad that my security had to carry me from the Octagon to my dressing room to the press conference and back.

This continued for the next four months. If anyone has had back pain, you know the pain I deal with. It got to be so bad that I was barely able to get up off the couch or drive for longer than 20 minutes.

Now try to imagine training for eight hours a day and having to fight formidable opponents like Rashad, and (Lyoto) Machida. From November of 2007 to May of 2008, I did two separate injections and worked my ass off in physical therapy so I was able to fight Machida.

During the second round of the fight I felt the same pain as I did in the Rashad fight. After the fight, I told the fight doctor I was having back pain. It never got better. I didn’t want to fall into the terrible life of having to take painkillers in order to be capable of making it through training.

I simply refuse to fall into that trap. I started to look into other ways to help my back pain. I have done everything from rehab to injections to make it better and nothing has succeeded…

(“We’re thinking about home-schooling them.”)

Twins, in other words. From venerable gossip site PerezHilton:

Double The Baby Joy!

As PerezHilton.com was the first to exclusively confirm, Jenna Jameson and boyfriend Tito Ortiz are expecting their first child. Well, now, sources reveal exclusively to PerezHilton.com that the blonde beauty is having twins!

“They’re having twins,” a friend of the superstar tells us. “Jenna and Tito just found out. They are beyond thrilled!”

The happy couple just bought a new — much bigger home — for their growing family in the beach near Los Angeles, sources tell us.

Congrats to the happy couple!!!

Perez’s enthusiasm seemed to come as a shock to his readers, who were perhaps expecting him to illustrate the article with penises crudely drawn on an ultrasound photo. Some sample comments…

rondonna: “This site is a fucking joke anymore. Why would we congratulate this pig and her loser husband. That poor kid, oh, my mom was a porn star, Poor thing.”

PooPooButt: “Hope they both die, what a horrible existance it would be to have that fucked off whore as a mother.”

BritneyBitch: “What the fuck is up with Perez supporting a true whore and hating on a young teen girls who are not even whore…yet he calls them sluts? Must be really hard being a fat man who takes cock in the ass.”

And so on. Feel free to suggest names for the double-bundles of joy in the comments section. If they’re boys, I’m thinking “Team” and “Punishment,” and if they’re girls, maybe “Punishment” and “Athletics.”

(Props: “Old, Bald & Irish”)

(“I just saved a bunch of money on my hepatitis test.”)

In a new interview with MMA Weekly, Tito Ortiz reveals that he’s just about done negotiating his next fight contract:

“Most likely I’m not going with the UFC, that’s about 99% sure that that’s not happening. I’ve got to be thankful for Lorenzo (Fertitta), what he gave me to this point, but it’s too bad that they have a president the way he is, just hot headed the way he is, takes everything personal and I wash my hands clean…

I’m going to move on and I’m going to try another company out, I’m going to see how it goes. By the end of this month there will be a big news break, where Tito Ortiz is going and what I did for a contract.”

If it’s not the UFC, it has to be EliteXC or Affliction, right? Well, another report on MMA Rated has us thinking that Ortiz could be leaning towards the t-shirt company. As Affliction COO Michael D. Cohen told Ariel Helwani:

At this present moment, I can not give the reason [for the event cancelation] but what I can tell you is that there is going to be a public announcement made and this announcement is truly going to change the world of mixed martial arts. Unlike other similar statements made, the press conference that will be had in the near future will have the affect as I described it. [Ed. note: LOL!]

And when can we expect this earth-shattering announcement?

Within two weeks. We are truly hoping that it will be within one week, but the reality is two weeks. MMA fans all around the world will understand the reason for the postponement of the event. And something I want to make clear…The event has not been cancelled, it’s postponed, and the reasons will become very apparent to all.

Call me a cynic, but I’m going to start preparing my FAIL photos. Cohen also discusses “Day of Reckoning”‘s slow ticket sales and the UFC’s Las Vegas meddling, and while he can try to re-direct our attention all he wants with this talk of a game-changing announcement, a postponed show isn’t good news, no matter how he spins it. Although Fedor vs. Tito is certainly a freak show worth waiting for…

Update: Fowlkes just spoke with Cohen and asked him if Affliction’s announcement had anything to do with Tito’s announcement. His response: “Absolutely not.”

Tito Ortiz went on HDNet’s Inside MMA on Friday night to make vague statements in the hope that MMA fans will start caring about him again. Speaking about his current negotiations to find a home, Ortiz said:

“EliteXC — possibility. Affliction — possibility. UFC — a small chance of that happening…The things between me and Dana White, I’m shoving it off and moving on with my life.”

Wow…he’s come a long way since that “ground-breaking record contract” with Affliction. But that’s what happens when you ask for the moon and stars from a company that doesn’t have a pot to piss in, if you’ll forgive the metaphor mixing. And the UFC — where a small cut of the PPV take can mean big money — is still the only organization that can offer Ortiz even close to what he thinks he’s worth.

It seems hard to believe that Dana White, who considers Ortiz to be an intolerable scumbag, would even consider dealing with him again, but perhaps cooler heads are prevailing. With Couture vs. Emelianenko a possibility in the Octagon and Tito considering a return, the UFC is poised to deliver a sharp, painful kick directly to Affliction’s balls. Honestly, the UFC’s only apparent motivation for re-signing Ortiz would be to screw over their latest rival. It’s not like he’ll have much impact in the light-heavyweight division at this point, and his rivalries with Chuck Liddell and Ken Shamrock have long since been consummated. So maybe they’ll keep him around as a celebrity gate-keeper, as long as it’ll prevent Affliction from having a credible pay-per-view draw. As Alonzo Harris put it, the shit’s chess, it ain’t checkers.

(‘Oh, hello there. Didn’t see you come in. Just rolling up my sleeves and inspecting this cage here. No big deal. It’s part of what I do.’)

Dana White is a man of simple tastes. He loves fighters who are neither pussies nor posers. He loves dropping F-bombs. He loves making life hell on all those who would oppose or seek to compete with him. The last one explains what he’s doing with the Tito Ortiz contract situation, and why he doesn’t mind being so open about it. Because what’s the fun of screwing with someone if they don’t know that you’re doing it? From Sergio Non’s USA Today blog:

I read recently that Tito supposedly is negotiating with UFC again. If that’s the case, how did that come about?

As part of his contract, he goes out and … I don’t know, something to do with his contract, but he’s still got his foot in the door with his contract. As part of our business practice in this crazy world these days, we — let me think how I can word this to you.

Take your time.

Yeah, probably going to have to.

I always say, we make this thing look a lot easier than it really is, and we’re definitely not going to make it easy for anybody else. We’re going to make things tough for other people.

It sounds like you’re saying basically you have certain negotiation rights with Tito.

Yup, and I’m going take them.

Given what you guys said about each in the months leading up to his last fight, how realistic is to expect Tito to ever fight in UFC again?

Listen, me and Tito didn’t say anything worse than what we said before he came back and became a coach on The Ultimate Fighter. Tito and I do not like each other. We do not. It’s 100% real, we don’t like each other at all, but it doesn’t mean we haven’t done business together before.

So basically, White is driving up the price on people like Affliction and Elite XC, most likely because Ortiz’s contract has a clause that allows him to match competitors’ offers within a certain window. Whether he’s really open to resigning Tito or whether that’s just something you say to make your intentions seem more genuine, that’s a different question. In the meantime, he can really make life hard for other promotions, and man, does he ever enjoy that.

- Because he loves him some publicity, Dana White will appear on A&E’s “Mindfreak” with magician Criss Angel tonight. You say you’re not going to watch, but let’s not kid ourselves. You’re going to pretend to watch the Democratic National Convention, then get bored when there are no crazy MMA riots breaking out, and suddenly you’re thinking, ‘Man, my mind could really use a good freaking right about now.’ Boom! A&E’s got you covered. If you want a taste of Criss Angel’s particularly cloying brand of magic, I recommend this little gem.

- The ever-elusive Lyoto Machida says his fight against Thiago Silva at UFC 89 isn’t going to be another snoozefest. As he told Tatame: “I believe this fight won’t go to decision… Thiago likes to fight aggressively, me too, he has good MMA techniques, so I believe this fight might finish before the third round.” Seems like he stops just short of actually committing to finishing, or saying that he’ll be the one to finish it. Even this guy’s interviews are, um, tactical.

- Chuck Liddell’s nutritional supplement company, Iceman Rx, is anticipating a Liddell victory over Rashad Evans at UFC 88. They’re even running a sweepstakes to coincide with UFC 92, where Liddell might conceivably challenge Forrest Griffin for the UFC light heavyweight title if he is victorious next weekend. And what does the winner of that sweepstakes get? An Iceman Rx Hummer H2. Even has a picture of Liddell on the side. Rumor has it he only decided to give it away after seeing what happened to Rampage. I started that rumor.

- You thought our jokes about the Tito Ortiz/Jenna Jameson baby news were in poor taste? Just check out The Sun. They pull no punches over in the UK press, and their photoshops are meaner. Kudos to them for referring to Jenna’s porn flicks as “blue movies.” That mixture of cruelty and decorum is why I love the Brits.

The first time I ever got drunk it was thanks to Mickey’s Fine Malt Liquor. At the time I was fifteen and didn’t know that the phrase “Fine Malt Liquor” made no sense at all. Some friends and I got the big mouth bottles and drank them as fast as we could in the vacant lot behind the supermarket. Needless to say, we soon threw up and had horrible headaches, but the point was we did it. The fact that it was awful only made us feel more like men, which of course we weren’t. It wasn’t until a few months later when I saw a homeless man drinking a forty of Mickey’s in the street while holding his pants up with his free hand that I realized maybe we had been using the wrong metric by which to gauge our manhood.

Mickey’s lost me as a customer back then, but that doesn’t mean they’re giving up. They’ve apparently decided to go the Coors Light route, and instead of investing money into coming up with a better product they’re simply going to do weird stuff to the container. The newest weird thing: putting Tito Ortiz on their limited edition cans.

There’s something that’s just too perfect about seeing Ortiz hook up with Mickey’s. They were both once beloved by the UFC until the organization found something better, and they’re both responsible for regrettable pregnancies. Too far?

(‘Ain’t love beautiful and totally freaking bizarre, baby?’)

Okay, so that headline might be slightly misleading. All we know for sure is that there is a baby inside Jenna Jameson. How it happened and who’s to blame, that’s all speculation until they go on the Maury Povich show to get the DNA test done. The real question is, when the results are announced, will Tito be the type of guy who launches into a awesomely inappropriate celebration dance? Oh, these timeless questions.

Our friends over at Holy Taco have more on Jenna’s official pregnancy announcement, as well as a hilarious take on what the fateful night of conception must have been like. Naturally, this is followed by a photoshop that will probably condemn you to hell for all eternity just for looking at it. As if you weren’t headed there, anyway.

We can’t help but wonder what kind of child will come out of this union of bodily fluids. Being the progeny of famous people already increases your chances of being a total screw-up in life, even more so than being the progeny of rich people, and this kid will be both.

But beyond that, it will also be the child of two people who are famous for, shall we say, unconventional reasons. Perhaps no other child in the history of the universe will have as many opportunities to get in fights with kids at school who say things about his mother, while also having such great chances to win all those fights via ground-and-pound.

Could this be the perfect recipe for creating a future MMA star? Maybe. Or else he’ll grow up hating his parents and become an ultra-conservative evangelical preacher who leads aggressive campaigns to outlaw pornography, pro fighting, hastily-thrown-together memoirs, and hair dye. Either way, this child is going to be something special.