TKO

#1: Chris Clements vs. Lautaro Tucas @ TKO 25 (5/5/06), 3 seconds

Just two days after Norifumi Yamamoto thrilled a Tokyo crowd with his four-second flying-knee KO against Kazuyuki Miyata, an eerily similar knockout took place in Montreal. Except this time, it was the dude sprinting across the ring who got himself KTFO — and in only three seconds, making this the fastest MMA knockout ever. We can only assume that Lautaro Tucas watched the Yamamoto/Miyata fight and thought, “Hey, I bet I could do that too.” But Chris Clements saw it coming, and stepped in with a sledgehammer right hook just as Tucas was leaving the ground. Tucas’s lifeless body flopped into the ropes, upon which Clements slugged him in the head three times. Awesome. Fun fact: Tucas never fought again after that night. We’re not sure if that’s because he switched to a less painful profession, or because he committed seppuku to make up for the shame he caused his family, but either way, it had to be done.

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#5: Jonathan Goulet vs Joey Brown @ TKO 17 (9/25/04), 7 seconds
He calls himself the Road Warrior, but Jonathan Goulet may as well be nicknamed “The Flash.” Twenty-five of the UFC/TKO veteran’s 32 pro fights have ended in the first round, and six have ended within the first 30 seconds. (Luckily, he’s won most of them.) Goulet’s all-time fastest victory was this seven-second KO against Joey “Knockdown” Brown. All it took was a head kick, a quick Thai clinch, and a knee fired right up the middle, and Brown was in dreamland. The win was Goulet’s fifth in what became a ten-fight win streak, which culminated in him scoring a contract with the UFC, shooting down Jay Hieron in his notoriously bloody Octagon debut, and choking out Shonie Carter back in Canada. As for Brown, he still seemed to be dizzy from Goulet’s knee during his next four fights, losing all of them.

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Before he was damn-near-killing people in the WEC, #6-ranked featherweight Jose Aldo was doing it in small Brazilian shows. We just came across this video of Aldo's fourth pro fight against Aritano Barbosa; watch as Aldo puts Barbosa's lights out with a knee (see also: Aldo vs. Rolando Perez at WEC 39), jackhammer-punches him for a while, then ends the fight with some of the most brutal soccer kicks in MMA history. Hardcore, brah.

Below: Fightlinker dug up this video of a girl-on-guy vale tudo match, if you're into that sort of thing. The fight starts off with the dude clearly taking it easy on the little lady — and wouldn't you know, he winds up paying for it at the end. And therein lies the Catch 22 of fighting a woman: If you go 100% and smash her, you're an asshole. If you half-ass it and get armbarred, you're a pussy. And my God, look at the guy's face at the 3:03 mark. I don't even let my own girlfriend beat me like that.

(And here's where things took a turn down Queer Street, which is located dangerously close to TKO Way.)

Josh Koscheck commented on his somewhat controversial upset loss at UFC 95 on his website, and – surprise! – he argues that the ref should have let it go on a little longer.  To his credit, however, Koscheck doesn’t lay the blame for the loss at the ref’s doorstep.  Instead he puts it squarely on his shoulders, right where it belongs:

As for UFC 95. . . YES, I would have liked to see the ref let the fight go on a little bit more because we are all fighters and we fight until the end. Yes, I got hit hard, but felt as though I could have recovered if I had the chance. As for next time, my message to all the ref's would be to, please let the fight go until I'm put out to sleep. . . Just so I don't have the thought of what if, going through my mind and probably the minds of all of you, my fans.

...I could be like a lot of other people and cry about it for weeks and months and make a big deal about it, but it's now when the true character and discipline of a person is tested.

Then he goes on to quote Martin Luther King Jr. and apply it to his current situation, that of having lost a fight he was supposed to win.  Nice.

(You don't mess with a black man named "Lance.")

As if their ongoing financial troubles aren't enough of a sign that EliteXC is circling the drain, how's this: According to FiveOuncesofPain, the House That Gary Built has just signed weight-loss failure Jason Guida (17-17) to a fight contract. (Way to pursue that world-class talent, guys. Dana White just LHFAO.) Guida will reportedly make his EliteXC debut at an October 10th ShoXC event in Hammond, Indiana, against Mamed "Cannibal" Khalidov a Chechen fighter who has primarily competed in Poland, and who has gone 11-0-1 in his last 12 fights.

5oz. also reports that Rashad Evans's older bro Lance Evans (2-2) — who was bounced out of last night's Ultimate Fighter elimination round after suffering a rib injury during his fight against Vinny Magalhaes — will be returning to Canada's TKO Championship Fighting outfit, and will take on former hockey enforcer Steve Bosse at TKO 35, which goes down October 3rd at Montreal's Bell Centre.

One more light-heavyweight TUF Guy has apparently been signed to another organization, but he's technically still on the show, so don't click "More" if you want to keep the Team Nogueira vs. Team Mir experience pure as the driven snow.