(Tom Lawlor: The UFC’s undisputed Seven Up champion.) 

Maybe it’s just us, but it seems like it’s getting harder and harder to drum up a potential list of future opponents for the winners of a given UFC card these days. Not only are most fighters already booked for the promotion’s ever-increasing amount of cards, but the ones selected for title shots are seemingly being drawn out of a hat. Be that as it may, we are going to try and sift through the wreckage of last night’s UFC on FUEL card and determine who the big winners should face next. Enjoy.

Chan Sung Jung: We’ll be the first to admit that we underestimated “The Korean Zombie” heading into yesterday’s fight. But aside from his excellent transitions on the ground, or that amazing takedown reversal to mount he was able to pull off, the thing that impressed us the most about Jung was his tranquility. While Poirier was throwing his best shots at him, Jung remained calm, and worked his way out of every hairy situation like a true pro. He deserves a title shot, and Dana White claims that he is next in line for one. And The Baldfather would never go back on his word. Just ask Anthony Pettis.

(Props: YouTube.com/UFC)

UFC on FUEL TV: Korean Zombie vs. Poirier goes down tomorrow night at the Patriot Center in Fairfax, Virginia, and the weigh-ins are scheduled for today at 4 p.m. ET. You can watch the hot feet-on-scale action in the player above. Though we don’t foresee any hat-smacking or face-squishing, Tom Lawlor did promise to arrive with the most obscure MMA reference in UFC weigh-in history, so there’s that. [Photo is at the end of this post.] The full UFC on FUEL 3 fight card is after the jump, which are now updated with weigh-in totals. Come back to CagePotato.com tomorrow evening for our liveblog of the FUEL main card broadcast, which kicks off at 7 p.m. ET/4 p.m. PT.

(Jenna Haze: Pound-for-pound G.O.A.T.)

Yes, friends and neighbors, there’s a fighter on the upcoming season of The Ultimate Fighter who has done porn — and not the normal kind, either. Since it’s a slow news week, this TUF 15 sub-plot has blown up to monumental proportions on MMA forums, but let’s put this in perspective: Dakota Cochrane isn’t the first MMA fighter to pick up some extra cash by appearing in adult films, and he probably won’t be the last. Send the kids out of the room, and follow us on a journey through the porn/MMA continuum…

(“Like Miesha, Poirier will get to have his cake and eat it too.”)

It looks like the best way to get the UFC’s attention these days is to call out an opponent on Twitter.

Dustin Poirier mentioned via Twitter two days ago that he would like a fight with “The Korean Zombie.” Today UFC officials announced that the pair will square off in the main event of UFC on Fuel 3 May 15 at the Patriot Center in Fairfax, Virginia.

(Dude. Don’t even get me started about mustard water. / Props: hypeordie)

After knocking out Christian Morecraft at UFC on FX 1 last month, Pat Barry has booked his next fight. The heavyweight kickboxer will face Lavar Johnson on the main card of UFC on FOX 3, May 5th in New Jersey, which will officially be headlined by a five-round lightweight contest between Nate Diaz and Jim Miller.

Lavar Johnson scored the Knockout of the Night during last weekend’s UFC on FOX 2 card, by smashing Joey Beltran in the first round of their preliminary card meeting. The win snapped a two-fight losing streak that Johnson had carried over from his stint in Strikeforce. His upcoming scrap with Barry seems like a way for the UFC to guarantee some much-needed excitement for their next FOX broadcast. As for Barry, it’s an opportunity to bump his UFC record over .500 and secure back-to-back victories for the first time in his UFC career.

In other May booking news…

(Tom Lawlor by Flaskpost.)

We’ve seen some bad, bad MMA fan art in our time. (Like, really bad.) So it came as a relief when we recently stumbled upon MMAFanMade, a tumblr account that showcases the best MMA-themed art and artists on the Internet. We decided to cherry-pick some of the site’s highlights, mix in a few old classics, and put ‘em all together in the gallery after the jump. Check it out below, and if you’ve done any MMA-themed artwork yourself, please share links in the comments section. We promise that our criticism will be mostly constructive.

(Props, I guess: Fightlinker on Vimeo)

…because Tom Lawlor and Kyle Kingsbury have. Boy, have they ever. This regrettable booze-fueled moment is the latest example of what I’ve started calling the “Nick Ring Theory” (previously known as the “Seth Petruzelli Theory“): At a certain point, pretending to be gay to get a rise out of people becomes a lifestyle choice in itself. But they seem happy, so who am I to judge?

Related:
- Dana White to Gay UFC Fighters: It’s Safe to Come Out Now
- Strangely Arousing Photos of the Day: Natasha Wicks’s Nasty Road-Rash

(Photo courtesy of MMAjunkie.com, if you couldn’t tell.) 

According to multiple sources, UFC veteran and recent Bellator signee Maiquel “Big Rig” Falcao suffered a heart attack in training this past weekend, the cause of which has yet to be determined. His manager has stated the following:

Maiquel is still on the Intensive Care Unit and might stay there for few more days, when he’ll go through a catheterization. He’s lucid and improving fast.

Falcao’s lone octagon appearance, a decision victory over TUF 7 alum Gerald Harris, was memorable for a multitude of reasons. Not only did a timing error deny Falcao nearly 7 seconds to finish a rear naked choke on Harris in the first round (one which even Dana White though Harris would have tapped to), but the third round would become an exercise in tedium as neither fighter would engage. Bizarre to say the least, made all the more disappointing by the fact that Falcao had been so dominant up to that point over a tough guy in Harris.

(Ryan Bader has so much power in his hands, he only has to punch in the general vicinity of your head to knock you out. / GIFS via IronForgesIron)

All the knockouts and submissions from UFC 139: Shogun vs. Henderson, in animated GIF form. Lots more after the jump.

(Video: Zombie Prophet)

Though both events took place under the purview of the California State Athletic Commission, the no-nonsense, military precision of last week’s UFC on FOX weigh-ins was nowhere to be seen last night’s event. That’s not necessarily a good thing for the fighters , but it’s certainly more entertaining for the rest of us.

Things kicked off with a healthy dose of confusion. Several prelim fighters tipped the scales well over the allotted limit, which Joe Rogan attributed to a discrepancy between the scales backstage and the official one upfront. While there may be some truth to that, other fighters managed to hit the target on the dot. It was painfully clear that the chick running the show for the CSAC had no clue what she was doing. You know you’re in for a wild ride when someone seeks mathematical and scientific guidance from this guy.

“The Stoic Russian” is a hurtful stereotype, so we didn’t include it. The more you know…..

People complain about “pro-wrestling bullshit” invading MMA, but it’s been demonstrated over and over again: personality will get you places in the fight game. We’ve pointed this out before, like when we advised Jon Fitch on how to ensure a title shot. Some fighters are talked about incessantly on forums, at lunch tables, and in interviews because they’ve managed to capture the interest of fans, and many times it is because of things that they have done or said while not in the cage.

Come on in and let’s talk about archetypes, drama, and personality. Because there’s only so many technique videos out there.

(Beast-Mode: He invented it.)

Thanks to everybody who submitted questions to Dan Severn last week! Today’s installment of Dan’s no-holds-barred Q&A column is loaded with classic stories and grown-man wisdom, so get comfortable and read on. You can support the MMA living legend by visiting DanSevern.com and Dan’s Facebook page, and you can support us by kicking in a few bucks to CagePotato’s Movember Team Page. Keep growing them mo’s, and post your latest moustache photos on our Facebook wall…

skeletor asks: Did you ever feel bad during the no holds barred/no weight classes days destroying guys that were so much smaller then you?

Dan Severn: I never felt bad because of size difference but I did sort of feel bad in general because it was not in my nature to be violent. For example, when I had Oleg Taktarov in the cage and was dropping knees on him, and he couldn’t defend himself. The match wasn’t being halted and he didn’t have the rational mindset to tap out. Even my first loss against Royce Gracie, I was staring right into a man’s soul realizing what crude submissions that I knew weren’t working and recognizing that I was going to have to strike this guy. So I struggled more with my conscience then I ever did with an opponent. I think I am cut from a different cloth than a lot of different fighters who came from checkered pasts and were used to getting into fights. I wasn’t used to that. For instance, if you look at the fight between me and Ken Shamrock, he was adopted and grew up on the mean streets fighting. My upbringing was completely different. I don’t really understand that mentality.

When I was inside Royce’s guard, from my perspective I was in the dominant position because as a wrestler, I was used to being on top. As I am fighting I can see Royce looking over to his father in his corner, and I could see exactly what was going through his mind. His mind was saying, “Hey dad, I’m hanging in here but if you want to throw in the towel, I wouldn’t hold it against you.” Helio actually had the towel in his hand and lifted his arm up a little bit and then shook his head no. I remember thinking, you old bastard…you would sacrifice your kid for Gracie Jiu-Jitsu.

(Leonard Garcia goes full zombie before his rematch with Chan Sung Jung at UFC Fight Night 24. Props: PlatformNation)

Man, it would have been awesome if we thought of this idea before Halloween. Ah well. Check out the gallery after the jump for 15 classic examples of MMA fighters playing dress-up before hitting the scale. Enjoy.

In the early days of The Ultimate Fighter, simply spraying water on a sleeping person was considered a brilliant prank. But after 14 seasons, the bar has been steadily raised for in-house trickery, to the point where even the coaches are now gleefully stripping cars of their tires. We thought we’d pay tribute to the TUF prank tradition by running down the most infamous pranks of the show’s history. Enjoy, and let us know if we’ve left out any of your favorites…

The Pink Room (Season 10)

See, this is what I’m talking about. Any moron can piss on a bed — but it takes a man to spend all afternoon painting walls pink and arranging stuffed animals in vaguely sexual poses. The best moment is at the very end, when Rashad Evans comes to the realization that the pacifier he’d been sucking on had definitely been up Tiki’s ass at some point.

See also: The Chickenmobile, The Team Portrait

(The UFC is calling this ‘a potential Fight of the Night’)

A welterweight scrap between Martin Kampmann and Rick Story has been added to UFC 139, which is scheduled for November 19 at the HP Pavilion in San Jose, California.

The UFC announced the bout Wednesday.

You tell us who looks more “All American”, Mr. Weidman. (Pics: JustinTrapp.com, SBRForum.com)

There may not be an event this weekend, but that doesn’t mean the boys behind the scenes at Zuffa aren’t working hard. Fights have been announced this weekend at a furious pace, and there seems to be no end in sight. Let’s hope Joe Silva’s getting some of that “Anderson Silva money”. Without further ado:

The UFC Fight Night 25 card is starting to flesh out. Lightweight Evan Dunham will take on recent TUF graduate Shamar Bailey. Dunham was last seen being picked up off the canvas following a brutal TKO loss to Melvin Guillard at Fight for the Troops 2. His prior controversial split decision loss to Sean Sherk was tallied as a victory by the only person that really matters, so his back isn’t exactly against the wall here. As for Bailey, he failed to make it to the finals of The Ultimate Fighter 13 despite being a hands on favorite to take the trophy, but he did win a plodding, uninspiring decision over Ryan McGillivray at the finale. Bailey needs to show that he’s got more in his arsenal than world-class smothering.

Still here? More announcements are after the jump!

I’m not going near this caption. If you want one, you supply it.

It took nearly two years for Ed Herman to bounce back from the knee injury he sustained in his loss to Aaron Simpson, but following his KO win over Tim Credeur last month he’ll return to the cage in short order. The UFC has announced that “Short Fuse” will step up to replace the injured Tom Lawlor at next month’s “UFC Live: Hardy vs. Lytle”.

Standing across the cage from Herman will be fellow TUF alumnus Kyle Noke. The Australian is on a five-fight tear, stopping all three of his UFC opponents and handing two their walking papers in the process. While Herman was undoubtedly happy with the quick return to the win column against Credeur, we’ll see if 48-seconds was enough to shake off two years of ring rust. This fight will tip Herman toward a winning or losing UFC record; he is currently perched at an uncomfortable 5-5 in his Zuffa career.

By Jason Moles

“We the people of CagePotato.com, in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish Bans, insure comments section Tranquility, provide for the common noob, promote the general Lack of Welfare, and attempt to secure the Blessings of Dana to ourselves and our readers, do ordain and establish this Comparison of fighters and fireworks for the Potato Nation.”

There are plenty of MMA fighters out there who love to bring the pyrotechnics to the cage, lighting up their opponents for the enjoyment of the fans and the pleasure of a paycheck. In honor of Independence Day weekend — and our new friends at Wild Turkey — here’s a list of actual 4th of July fireworks that remind us of some well-known scrappers. Celebrate safely, and please try not to lose any fingers.

Snap-n-Pops (aka bang snaps, snappers, or whip’n pops): Corey Hill, Jason MacDonald, Razak Al-Hassan, Tim Sylvia

Call ‘em what you want, these small novelty fireworks are perfect for youngsters. You throw them against a wall, floor, or sleeping grandparent, and they make a satisfying POP! Cool, huh? It’s hard not to think of a ‘Snap-n-Pop’ and not think of these guys, whose limbs unfortunately made the same noises in their past fights.

Roman Candles: Clay Guida

Excitement. Power. Flash. Seemingly unending performance. Fun. Clay ‘The Carpenter’ Guida is more than your average firework. Hey may not blow up any doors but rest assured he’s always going to be a crowd favorite. No one has ever had a Roman Candle war or watched a Guida fight and not had the time of their life. For every colorful ball that is emitted from the candle, Guida whips his hair back and shoots in for a takedown. Regardless of what happens, they both just keep going until the final bell. When messing around with either, be careful; someone usually ends up a bloody mess.

(Worst ‘America’s Got Talent’ audition ever. Photo courtesy of UFC.com)

Cain Velasquez has a date with Junior Dos Santos, and Jake Shields — God help us — is still likely to face the winner of GSP vs. Koscheck. But the fates of UFC 121‘s other winners and losers are yet to be determined. As usual, we have some brilliant suggestions…

Brock Lesnar: Assuming that nobody really wants to see a Lesnar vs. Mir rubber match, there are a surprising lack of options for the new ex-champ. If Roy Nelson beats Shane Carwin at UFC 125, Lesnar vs. Big Country would make perfect sense. (Lesnar vs. Carwin II is also an option for down the road, considering Carwin never felt like Brock beat him fair and square.) But at the moment, the best available opponent for Lesnar is Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira, who’s coming off his own nasty loss to Velasquez. The fading Big Nog would likely take a beating, but the UFC needs to re-build their most bankable star against a credible name, and letting Lesnar whale on a legend is an effective way to do it.

Martin Kampmann: The first name that comes to mind is Dan Hardy, though the UFC probably wants to avoid the possibility of one of their British stars dropping three straight. So how ’bout this: Nate Diaz. The TUF 5 winner and moneyweight contender is facing Dong Hyun Kim at UFC 125. If Diaz wins, Diaz vs. Kampmann is a great matchup between two guys who are on the same upper-middle region of the welterweight ladder. If Diaz gets outgrappled by DHK, then Kampmann gets a rebound against an "easier" opponent. Either way, it’s a scrap.

("Time it was and what a time it was…")

Contradicting earlier reports that had Tito Ortiz facing Forrest Griffin in a meaningless rubber match, MMAFighting.com has confirmed that Ortiz will instead face off against Matt Hamill at UFC 121 (October 23rd; Anaheim, CA). The Huntington Beach Blah Blah hasn’t competed since his split decision loss to Griffin at UFC 106, and hasn’t won a fight since his third TKO victory over Ken Shamrock in October 2006. Hamill is coming off his majority decision over Keith Jardine at the TUF 11 Finale, which got the Dean of Mean bounced out of the UFC. Technically, Hamill has won his last four fights, including the Jon Jones DQ. If you’ll recall, Hamill was a member of Team Punishment on TUF 3, so this fight will have extra significance when Hamill beats Tito’s ass. In other UFC 121 booking news…

("Filthy" Tom Lawlor gives an interview to Aaron Tru while getting a colonic. Luckily, the years spent training with Seth Petruzelli have prepared him for this moment. Props: truplya777)

Some selected highlights from our friends around the MMA blogosphere. E-mail feedback@cagepotato.com for details on how your site can join the MMA Link Club…

– Midseason MMA Awards: Best Knockout (MMA Fighting)

- Dana White: Vladimir Matyushenko Deserves Shot Against Jon Jones (Versus MMA Beat)

– GSP Says He’ll Retire Once He’s the Best Pound-for-Pound (Watch Kalib Run)

– FIGHT! Girl Galleries (Fight! Magazine)

– M-1 Global Is Launching Its Own TUF-Style Reality Show (LowKick)

- It’s Official: Dan Quinn vs. Aaron Brink Is Going Down August 20th (MiddleEasy)

– 5 Biggest Threats To Brock Lesnar’s Belt (Heavy.com/MMA)

– Rusty Business: Addressing the Problem of Ring Rust in MMA (Five Ounces of Pain)

– Jose Canseco’s Celebrity Boxing Record Drops to 1-2-1 After Losing to 60-Year-Old Athletic Trainer Gary Hogan (MMA Scraps)

(Video courtesy YouTube/Cagewriter)

Steve Cofield from Yahoo! Sports caught up with Seth "The Promotion Killer" Petruzelli in Las Vegas last week ahead of his UFC 116 return bout with Ricardo Romero and discussed a variety of topics including his sexual leanings, his planned entrance for the show (which will include a midget) and the fact that beating Kimbo hurt his career more so than it helped it.

Seth Petruzelli (12-4, 0-2 UFC) — who became notorious in 2008 for knocking out Kimbo Slice in 14 seconds, then doing a radio interview where he appeared to suggest he was paid to keep the fight standing, which pretty much led to the demise of EliteXC — is returning to the Octagon. The Silverback announced the news on his Twitter page earlier today, confirming that he will compete at UFC 116: Lesnar vs. Carwin (July 3, Las Vegas) against new UFC acquisition Ricardo Romero. Petruzelli has only competed twice since his unexpected KO of the Miami Pound Machine, most recently submitting Ryan White last month at BAMMA 3 in Birmingham, England, a fight which he has still not been paid for.

Petruzelli’s relationship with the UFC first began in 2005, when he was a contestant on TUF 2, eventually being eliminated by Brad Imes in the heavyweight semi-finals. Following the show, Petruzelli dropped consecutive fights to Matt Hamill and Wilson Gouveia as a light-heavyweight before being officially released by the UFC in 2007. Since then, he’s racked up four straight wins by first-round stoppage, opened a Smoothie King franchise as well as his own MMA gym, and was walked on a leash by Tom Lawlor at UFC 100. If that isn’t a resume worthy of a second chance, we don’t know what one is.  

After the jump: UFC 116′s full lineup, and a picture of Seth and Tom that you’ll probably wish you hadn’t seen.

(We’re assuming he couldn’t find a big enough cross to do Kimo Leopoldo. Top pic courtesy of seandiesel.)

The rumors are true, folks. Not only will the winner of tomorrow night’s welterweight co-headliner between Josh Koscheck and Paul Daley earn a shot at Georges St. Pierre’s belt, but that fighter will also get to do a tour of duty opposite GSP on the next season of The Ultimate Fighter. Dana White confirmed the news today before the UFC 113 weigh-ins at the Bell Centre in Montreal. TUF 12 will begin filming in a few weeks, and is slated to premiere on September 15th. 

As for the results of today’s weigh-ins, the numbers are after the jump. No real surprises, although the weight differences in both heavyweight bouts were close to 30 pounds. Plus, Tom Lawlor showed up to the weigh-ins as Dan Severn, following previous weigh-in tributes to Just Bleed Guy and Harold Howard.

Following his controversial split-decision loss to Aaron Simpson at UFC Fight Night 20, Tom "The Filthy Mauler" Lawlor was ready to bounce back to the W column against fellow TUF vet Tim Credeur at UFC 113 (May 8th, Montreal). But an injury has forced "Crazy" Tim off the card, and now Filthy Tom will be facing Dirty Joe — Joe Doerksen, who has a 1-5 lifetime record in the UFC, but is getting another shot after racking up five straight wins in promotions like Sengoku and King of the Cage. We sent our friend "Skanky" Remington Reed to track down Lawlor at his gym in Orlando, The Jungle MMA & Fitness, and discuss how he copes with tough losses, the method behind his memorable cage entrances, the runaway success of his "Lawlormania" t-shirt, his weather-based prediction for Machida vs. Rua II, and the question everyone else has been afraid to ask: Between him and Seth Petruzelli, who’s gayer? Enjoy… 

($19.99?! Well, now it’s just not financially practical for me to tear it off my body every time I wear it, so what’s the point? Props: Cagewriter)

One of the many great things about the era of the internet is the ability of one moment or idea to take off and become a force all its own, no matter how fleeting or trivial it might have been. I’m not just talking about ghost riding the whip here, either. Take Tom Lawlor’s most recent UFC entrance where he channeled Hulk Hogan at Fight Night 20 in an effort to let the audience know that he was a) a real American, who b) fights for the rights of every man. Pretty sweet, right? In homage to that entrance, Tri-Coasta is offering up this t-shirt so all you Lawlormaniacs can show your support.

But after checking out the shirt and thinking through the possible ramifications of buying/wearing it, we are once again forced to ask ourselves, is this awesome or not awesome? Join us after the jump.

(Photo courtesy of FightMagazine.com)

This morning I woke up, fed the dog his usual breakfast of Golden Grahams and uncooked bacon, made myself some coffee, and then sat down to watch the Tom Lawlor-Aaron Simpson fight once again, this time without furiously typing as it was happening.  I didn’t do this because I necessarily felt that it was a horrible decision.  You let a fight stay that close while also gassing out down the stretch, it’s like running your ancient space heater next to your collection of oily rags — sympathy is going to be hard to come by when something bad happens.

I went back and watched the fight again only because I wanted to see if my initial assessment of the first frame as a 10-8 round for Lawlor held up under closer scrutiny.  The verdict?  Absolutely.  Which is why it might be worth having a discussion about what a 10-8 round really looks like.

(Gray Maynard discusses his fight against Nate Diaz, and the prospects of a future title shot against BJ Penn. Props: Sherdog.)

Since we only got to see the four main card fights on last night’s UFC Fight Night 20 broadcast, here’s a recap of the prelims…

– Chris Leben def. Jay Silva via unanimous decision (30-27 x 3)
– Rick Story def. Jesse Lennox via split decision (30-27 x 2, 28-29. Due to a scoring error, the bout was initially declared a majority draw.)
– Thiago Tavares and Nik Lentz fought to a majority draw (29-27 Lentz, 28-28 x 2. Tavares was deducted a point for low blows.)
– Rory MacDonald def. Mike Guymon via submission (armbar), 4:27 of round 1
– Rafael dos Anjos def. Kyle Bradley via unanimous decision (30-27 x 3)
– Gerald Harris def. John Salter via TKO (strikes), 3:24 of round 3
– Nick Catone def. Jesse Forbes via split decision (28-29, 29-28 x 2)

For scoring the night’s only stoppage via strikes, Gerald Harris pocketed a $30,000 Knockout of the Night bonus. Evan Dunham picked up the $30,000 Submission of the Night bonus for his horrible-looking armbar on Efrain Escudero (don’t worry, Effy’s fine). $30k Fight of the Night bumps went to Tom Lawlor and Aaron Simpson for their memorable three-round battle, which saw Simpson get battered half to death in the first round before edging out Lawlor in rounds two and three (according to two judges, at least).

As much fun as we’ve been having with our wild speculation about what Tom Lawlor‘s entrance will look like on tonight’s UFC Fight Night 20 event, we didn’t actually want to know ahead of time.  Sure, we grilled Tom about it and tossed out our own ideas, but that’s like shaking the presents under the Christmas tree to find out which ones might be something good and which ones are crappy jigsaw puzzles from your aunt.  It’s all part of building the suspense. 

Apparently, nobody ever told Seth Petruzelli that.  The Kimbo-slayer took to Twitter this afternoon to let the world know that Lawlor is planning a Hulk Hogan-esque entrance tonight.  Lawlor has previously bandied about the idea of coming out to Hogan’s "Real American," but Petruzelli seems to be setting us up for a full Hulkamania entrance.  Or…is this all a bit of misdirection?  Is Petruzelli purposely deceiving us to make it even more awesome when Lawlor actually comes down to the Octagon Ultimate Warrior style?

We should have our answer soon enough.  Make sure to keep it locked on Cage Potato tonight at 9 p.m. EST for all the liveblogging fun.  Whatever happens, you’re going to want to share the moment with your internet BFF’s.  And no, we’re not talking about those nice Nigerians you keep wiring money to.  They don’t really like you.  Same goes for the people on that dating site.

A bonus, just to get us all pumped for tonight, is after the jump.