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21 Humans Who Make Being Human Look Really, Really Hard

Tag: traditional martial arts

Martial Arts Fail of the Week: This Makes Point Fighting Look Like Frye-Takayama

Remember last week’s Martial Arts Fail–the one with the worst karate demo known to man?

This week, we have a follow-up to that video in the form of a sparring match between two black belts from what appears to be the same school. That’s right, a sleuthing member of Reddit unearthed the dojo’s identity. Apparently, this Taekwondo McDojo is called the World Martial Arts Association and is headquartered in Brooklyn. If the words of an anonymous Redditor who claims to have once been a student can be believed, they charge $40 a class, and $600 per belt test. Here’s the full thread on Reddit, in case you’re interested in this sort of thing.

The funniest (or saddest) part, however, isn’t on Reddit or YouTube, but on the school’s own website…

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Martial Arts Fail of the Week: The World’s Worst Karate Demo (No, Really)


(via Bullshido.net)

This week’s Martial Arts Fail isn’t deriding a dubious technique or making light of a strange weapon. No, this week we’re providing a demonstration of how bad mainstream martial arts is.

Watch the above video. That’s what middle class America thinks martial arts is–awkwardly flailing your limbs while concentrating your ki and shouting like you’re in labor. We must warn you though, this video is bad. You might get chest pain from laughing. Or you might get chest pain from depression at what’s become of martial arts instruction in the United States.

We don’t know the school, or the style (Taekwondon’t? You get it? OK it was lame, sorry). All we know is that it’s awful.

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Martial Arts Fail of the Week: Defeating Boxers is THIS Easy

It’s Saturday! Do you know what that means? A day off from the drudgery of office life in middle class America? A lackluster UFC card with a $60 price tag? Unfit for television jobber matches on UFC fight pass? None of these. Saturday means CagePotato’s Martial Arts Fail of the Week!

Last time, we had a bona fide ninja (or as bona fide as a ninja can be) teach us one of Ninjitsu’s most esoteric guard passes. This week, however, we’re revisiting an old friend—Master Wong, of “don’t poke him in the eye or he’ll kill your whole family” fame.

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Martial Arts Fail of the Week: How to Stomp Out a Wrestler

Remember those idiots who taught us BJJ’s five fatal weaknesses (spaz punches and bright red pants being chief among them)?

Well, they’re back. This time, the same “school”—Combatant Extreme Self Defense—is taking on wrestling.

And it’s legit…or at least legit in the sense that the guys who peddle this crap actually believe it works. It doesn’t though. There are more things wrong with this takedown “defense” than are wrong with Vitor Belfort‘s sudden removal from his UFC 173 title bout against Chris Weidman. Let’s just say this: Count yourself lucky if you wind up in a street fight with a “wrestler” who opts to grab your rear leg on a single leg takedown, let alone make thousands of other mistakes.

Stay tuned for next week’s traditional martial art’s fail, where another favorite from the past will be telling us how to defeat boxing with deadly street smarts.

If you see any video that’s good (or bad) enough to make the cut, let us know! Send it to tips@cagepotato.com.

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Martial Arts Fail of the Week: Making “The Karate Kid” Look Legit


(These techniques only work if you SCREAM AS LOUD AS YOU CAN THE ENTIRE TIME)

Despite MMA’s emergence into world, people still believe training non-contact spaz punches and flaccid, weak throws against compliant opponents will teach you how to be an unstoppable, street-lethal badass—a wrecking machine not unlike, shall we say, John Kreese or Terry Silver of The Karate Kid franchise fame.

That’s right! This week on CagePotato’s Martial Arts Fail we’re highlighting (or lowlighting) the teachings of a Kung Fu dojo that presumably named itself after the brutal, take-no-shit, antagonistic Cobra Kai karate dojo from The Karate Kid. And trust us, these guys make the strip mall karate from the film look like a violent, unquestionably legit blood sport.

Regarding the actual “technique” in the video. Well, I hope all my opponents line up single file and wait for me if I ever get into a street fight…and stop fighting immediately after feinting a front kick their way…and then fall to the ground when I do a quasi sweep on them.

The school’s YouTube account has been dormant for three years. In addition to the video above, there are about a dozen others that are just as bad—including one with the world’s worst armbar. We suggest paying their channel a visit and watching them if you’re in need of a laugh or two.

 

If you see any video that’s good (or bad) enough to make the cut, let us know! Send it to tips@cagepotato.com

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Martial Arts Fail of the Week: Stop a Knife Attack…WITH A TOWEL!


(They’re wearing camo so the technique must work.)

By Eric Linderman

Hey, everybody. I don’t know you, and you don’t know me. Frankly, I don’t care that you don’t care. But I’ve done this stuff for at least a decade, so I hope that adds some credibility to my destruction of bullshit martial arts techniques. I could go and list and all my belts and experiences, but really you don’t care. You just want to know this week’s Martial Arts Fail.

So what do you do in a knife attack? What is my defense? Do I stay out of range? Obviously not, because that would actually make sense. Do I get in really close? Yup, and not only do you get in really close but you also block and strip your attacker of his weapon.

I have seen a number of movies, YouTube videos and martial art seminar that come with a blistering array of stupid “katas” and series of moves to disarm a knife attack. As a result, it spawns all kind of stupidity.

Remember that movie Jason Bourne with Matt Damon? Yeah the one where he fights that foreign guy who has a knife and Matt Damon prevents being stabbed by stopping the knife wielder’s attacks with a towel? Yeah? Good. Sounds dumb when I spell it out don’t it?


Jump to the 1:10 mark to remind yourself.

In my time, I’ve had many good teachers and I’ve seen lots of crap. My problem with “cool moves” in action movies is that it spawns kids to go and find out what martial art style will teach them to fight “like that” or a martial art instructor who will teach them “crap” because it is what kids want to learn. So here, we go with stupidity demonstration number 1:

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Traditional Martial Arts Fail of the Week: Five Ways to DESTROY BJJ


(Video via CombatantDVD)

Are you ready for this? Are you sure? Are you really sure?

For this week’s Traditional Martial Arts Fail, we have the five definitive ways to defeat a BJJ guy. It’s as easy as using basic movements against a compliant partner. Imagine that!

Checking out their website, it seems like these guys are the “too deadly” sort who want to believe in their mysticism and bogus street cred. Their experiences range in arts like the esteemed Pekiti-Tirsia Kali system (it’s right up at the top of the martial arts pyramid with Kapu Kuialua, we assure you) and Krav Maga (because that style is so effective). One of “the masters” practices a style that is “concept based rather than technique-based.” You know, because it’s bad to base a martial art on having good technique.

Needless to say, if the dude in the video tried any of this compliant crap on a legit BJJ fighter or any other sort of grappler, he’d wind up with a broken arm. Just goes to show you that even though the UFC is a little more than 20 years old, there are still people who haven’t gotten the message about what works in a fight and what doesn’t!

If you see any video that’s good (or bad) enough to make the cut, let us know! Send it to tips@cagepotato.com.

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Traditional Martial Arts Fail of the Week: Finnish Jedi Knight Looks Like a Tool


(Video via Break.com)

Ready to see some bullshit “martial arts” get exposed in hilarious fashion?

Good! Because that’s just what we have in store for you with our new somewhat-regular feature: Traditional Martial Arts Fail of the Week.

From now on, on each weekend that doesn’t host a UFC event we’ll be posting the most laughably atrocious foibles, gaffes, and mishaps from traditional styles (and other Bullshido like Dim Mak).

For the inaugural video, our friends at Break.com have uncovered a Finnish Jedi by the name of Jukka Lampila. Lampila claims mastery of the “Empty Force”—a mysterious power that can control an attacker that requires no physical prowess or martial proficiency. Though, according to the official website, we’re not doing this formless art justice in our description.

“There is a multitude of descriptions for the term but none of them might reveal its meaning in all aspects,” is how the site describes Empty force or “Efo” for short.

But get this, they even advertise that there’s zero technique involved and that you can skip classes without missing out on learning:

With Efo, there are no specific forms or technics [sic] and each trainee applies it the way it best fits oneself. In Efo there are no “courses” that would start and end somewhere.  Instead, the fundamental principles (relaxation, mind and breathing) are exercised during every session. Thus, anyone can join and train any time. And if you can’t join each and every session, you won’t miss anything irreplaceable.

Judging from the video, the Efo website is telling the truth; you won’t miss anything at all from ditching this guys classes.

When confront by students cult-like true believers, Jukka Lampila—a man who has “trained in budo since 1985″—comes across as a modern-day Luke Skywalker, disposing of foes with Force-powered strikes.

But when skeptics step up to the plate, things change. We don’t want to spoil it for you, so check out the video and enjoy watching this fraud eat crow.

If you see any video that’s good (or bad) enough to make the cut, let us know! Send it to tips@cagepotato.com.

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Video Tribute: Looking Back at the Defining Moments in the Film (and Tennis) Career of Martial Arts Pioneer Jim Kelly


(Two legends in their primes, filming the greatest martial arts movie ever made.)

With surprisingly little reaction from the MMA blogosphere, martial arts pioneer Jim Kelly passed away over the weekend at the age of sixty-seven years old. Odds are pretty good that you recognize Kelly as Williams from Enter The Dragon, but his legacy is far greater than just that one role. Armed with his signature afro, one-liners and arsenal of kicks, Kelly broke the color-barrier for black actors in martial arts films at a time when the genre was almost exclusively reserved for Asian martial artists.

Aside from being one of the most instantly recognizable martial artists on the planet, Kelly also found the time to become a professional tennis player, an enthusiastic MMA fan, and a popular draw at conventions such as San Diego Comic-Con International. So in memory of Kelly, we’ve compiled videos of some of his greatest fights, interviews, and even some footage of him playing tennis. Enjoy.


Kelly and Lee working on fight scenes for Enter the Dragon.

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Awful Video of the Day: The McDojo 5th-Degree Black Belt Test


(What you’re about to see…is real. Props: THEWMAAChannel via Reddit/MMA)

You may have already read the depressing accounts of “McDojo”-type martial arts schools written by our own Brian J. D’Souza and Seth Falvo, but here’s some visual proof that the culture of bullshit, bastardized karate/kung fu/whatever is alive and kicking (no pun intended), and still being swallowed up by gullible cult-members.

The above video shows a 5th-degree black belt test held by the World Martial Arts Association, based in Brooklyn, New York. Forget the fact that all these guys move like hyperactive yellow belts, and would all be smashed by anybody with four months of actual striking or grappling training — they’re grandmasters, every last one. Be sure to watch to the end to see a woefully out-of-sync kata demonstration, in which grown-ass men all try desperately to be the first one to finish. IT’S NOT A RACE, TIMMY.

After the jump, “headmaster” Michael T. Dealy freestyles against three attackers. You have never seen so many kicks blocked with forearms in your entire life. Lots more here.

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