(Riley’s last tangle with a TUF winner didn’t work out too well for his face. Photo courtesy of Sherdog.)

The UFC confirmed last night that Tony Ferguson — who won last season of the Ultimate Fighter by knocking out four dudes consecutively in the welterweight bracket — will make his Octagon return on the UFC 135: Jones vs. Rampage card (September 24th, Denver). Now competing at lightweight, Ferguson is slated to meet Team Jackson veteran Aaron Riley (30-12-1, 3-4 UFC), who hasn’t fought since his unanimous decision win over Joe Brammer last May at UFC 114. Riley was scheduled to face Pat Audinwood at UFC 119 later that year but had to withdraw due to injury.

It won’t be the first time that Riley has been drafted to act as a gatekeeper for a brand-new TUF winner. In November 2009 at UFC 105, he faced TUF 9 lightweight champ Ross Pearson and lost by doctor’s stoppage TKO. Between Riley’s inconsistent performances and long layoff, it seems like the UFC is counting on him to make their new prospect look good. Can ‘El Cucuy’ knock out another one?

The current list of UFC 135′s reported matchups is after the jump…

(Kyle Kingsbury is wearing that rainbow fanny-pack in honor of all the brave men and women who gave their lives defending our freedom in the Candyland-Disco War of Sissystan. / Photo courtesy of CombatLifestyle. For more photos from this album, click here.)

TUF 13 reaches its conclusion tonight, with “Stripper” Ramsey Nijem facing off against “Jerkwad” Tony Ferguson for the mythical six-figure contract and glass trophy. Plus: Anthony Pettis makes his official UFC debut against Clay Guida in a guaranteed thriller with lightweight title implications, the suddenly-badass Kyle Kingsbury looks to put Fabio Maldonado’s 11-fight win streak to an end, and much more.

If you’ve got nothing better to do, it’s not a bad way to spend a Saturday night. (If you do have something better to do, count yourself lucky, and come back later to let us know what the outside world is like.) The action is already underway at the Palms Casino Resort in Las Vegas — and streaming live on Facebook — but we’ll save the spoilers until the end of the night, because some of you crybabies get sooooo sensitive. Round-by-round results from the Spike TV broadcast will begin to pile up after the jump starting at 9 p.m. ET; refresh the page every few minutes for all the latest.

How he hangs a hammer from those things we’ll never know.

It’s fair to say that this season of The Ultimate Fighter didn’t live up to expectations. Despite the inclusion of pay-per-view juggernaut Brock Lesnar, this season posted some of the lowest ratings in the franchise’s history. And yet again, the show’s momentum was halted by the revelation that the coaches would not be facing off at the end of the season. But tonight the UFC has a golden opportunity to make chicken salad out of chicken shit with a night of free fights on Spike TV. The UFC announced last night via Twitter that six prelim fights will be aired on Facebook at 6:30pm (Eastern). Tell us who you got in the comments, and if you’re up early enough there still may be time to enter our MMAOutlet.com UFC Fight-Picking Contest.

Results from last night’s weigh-ins are after the jump.

Dammit, who are all you guys again?

Say what you will about The Ultimate Fighter (not like you need an invitation), but the finale shows tend to be pretty damn fun. This season, we actually have two fairly solid finalists, a dynamite co-main in Pettis-Guida, plus a handful of other matchups calibrated for striking showdowns and crowd amazement.

Here’s a quick and dirty rundown of the fights scheduled for this weekend, with a few of those fancy moving pictures that you like so much. Who ya got?

Ramsey Nijem

VS

Tony Ferguson

Well, either this fight is the one you’ve been waiting for, or you’re just wondering what these two nobodies are doing on your UFC card. Tune in to find out which guy gets a contract with the UFC. (Spoiler Alert: It’ll be both of them.)

(Ramsey jacks Chris’s swagger before their semi-final match. Props: IronForgesIron.com)

Following last week’s “Where’s your kid?” fiasco, Tony Ferguson is persona non grata in the TUF house. He tries to strike up a conversation with Chuck O’Neil in the kitchen and gets brutally cold-shouldered. “He’s burnt every last bridge in this house,” Chuck explains. “He’s burnt a bridge with everybody.”

Tony finally gets a clue and apologizes to everybody — or at least tries to — claiming that he drank too much, blacked out, and doesn’t really remember what he said. Chuck ain’t having it: “I was disgusted by what you said last night. For you to put Charlie’s kid’s name in your mouth, and for him not to hit you in the face, that shows what kind of person he is, because all of us wanted to fucking kill you.” The other guys aren’t interested in making up with Tony either, and he eventually gives up. On the bright side, he didn’t come here to make friends, so at least he succeeded on that level.

Both semi-finals are slated to go down on this episode, starting with Chris Cope (Team Lesnar) vs. Ramsey Nijem (Team Dos Santos). They “woo!” at each other during the weigh-in. And it’s already time for somebody’s dreams to be crushed…

There’s a very good chance that Tony Ferguson will be the next winner of The Ultimate Fighter. So it’s a shame that his primary legacy from the show — at least for the people who actually watched it — is the moment from this week’s episode when he attacked his own teammate Charlie Rader then needled Rader about having his son taken from him. It was particularly shocking because Ferguson hadn’t previously shown any signs of being a mean-spirited drunk. Now, he has to expect a small chorus of boos when he enters the Octagon at the Palms Casino Resort in Las Vegas next Saturday. In his guest blog for SBNation.com, Ferguson tried to explain the circumstances that transformed him from humble front-runner to TUF 13‘s biggest heel:

You first have to understand we started drinking not long after we had just got done fighting. We had also done the semi-final picks. I think part of me brought the fight home since my real fight with Ryan ended so fast. When you bring alcohol into the mix, it was just bad from there.

We all drank a lot. It started out with shots of Patron and moved to Jim Beam. Miller Lites were mixed in the entire time. We weren’t just drinking to relax. We were going hard core. Everyone was drinking, too, although maybe not as much as some of us.

(Exhibit A. Props: IronForgesIron.com)

One positive thing you can say about the 13th season of TUF? It was mercifully brief. We’re already winding down to the end here, with just two more episodes to go until next Saturday’s finale show. Last night gave us two more quarterfinal fights, the selection of the semi-final matches (which go down next week), and a standout contestant making one of the most dramatic and unexpected heel-turns in TUF history.

Zach Davis feels confident in his quarterfinal rematch with Chuck O’Neil considering he’s already beaten him once. He knows it’s a dangerous matchup, but he wants to keep the fight standing this time to show the diversity of his skills. Because when you’ve got a good thing going, change it up I guess. Bad sign. Junior Dos Santos wants Zach to “do what he do well” — put Chuck on the mat and use his jiu-jitsu.

Chuck offers to give his teammate Charlie Rader his win bonus because Charlie recently had his son taken away from him and is being charged an arm and a leg for child support. The situation draws the sympathy of his teammates (“It’s not right…He deserves to have his kid, plain and simple”), but Charlie says he can’t accept the money. And of course, Chuck doesn’t even have it yet, so there’s that too.

“Chuck’s like a bad penny, he keeps showing up,” Zach says. And it’s already time for fight #1…

(“New episode of ‘Coal’? YEAH, BABY! GET SOME!” / Gif via IronForgesIron.com)

The quarterfinal round kicked off in last night’s episode of The Ultimate Fighter: Team Bellyache vs. Team Stare Directly at the Camera While Being Interviewed by Megan Olivi, and Shamar Bailey’s not feeling a personal best. The gray-team standout tweaked his back, and direct pressure ain’t comfortable. As he discusses it with Justin Edwards, Chris Cope lurks by, as if on cue, and screams “Woo!”

“I’mma choke that voice box out,” Shamar says.

But before he gets a chance to do that, Ramsey Nijem and Clay Harvison will square off. Dos Santos feels Ramsey is the best wrestler on his team. Ramsey says that his Palestinian heritage helps him be the fighter he is. He’s seen the road-stops, the walls, the guns; he feels grateful to be fighting in a controlled environment, and not for his life.

Dana White brings UFC middleweight contender and war hero Brian Stann to the gym. Stann tells the guys about being a Marine Corps captain, the lifestyle of discipline, how success breeds success…wait a minute. Is this just an ad for the Marines? This is like those segments on The Biggest Loser where they teach the contestants how to cook with Jennie-O-brand turkey. Come on, you know what I’m talking about. I can’t stand that crap. Anyway, Brock tells some of these long-haired punks to fill out an application.

(If you ever find yourself in a bad mood today, just put on ‘Cool It Now’ and stare at this gif for at least 45 seconds. Trust me. Props: IronForgesIron.com)

Len Bentley can’t wrap his head around the fact that he was passed over for the wild card spot in favor of Chuck O’Neil and Javier Torres. “At no point in the wild card were any names called that were superior to mine,” he says, humbly. He tracks down Dana White in the gym, grips his hand in a bro-shake, and will not let that sucker go.

“If Ryan [McGillivray] doesn’t make it to the finals, I would do anything to fight him in the finale,” Len tells Dana, squeezing the boss’s hand desperately. Len figured his performance would be enough, and that he didn’t need to beg for it during the wild card meeting with the coaches last week. Well, it wasn’t, and he did. Dana is a little taken aback, and doesn’t appreciate guys trying to do matchmaking for the finale. Also, we can probably assume that he went back to his office and went through an entire bottle of hand sanitizer.

Back in the Team Lesnar locker room, Brock tries to put the whole wild card thing in perspective: “Don’t hang your head, you’re a part of something great…everybody got their chance to fight.” Or, as he tells the camera later: “Tough shit, that’s life.”

(Above: Zach Davis’s face-off with Chuck O’Neil. Below: Jake Busey, for comparison. Gif via ironforgesiron.com)

It’s a big ol’ locker-room pity party on Team Dos Santos following Mick Bowman’s loss. “Sometimes it’s not our time to be winner, but we have to try our best,” Junior says, trying to raise Mick’s spirits. He explains that the UFC is looking for exciting fighters and exciting fights. Lew Polley sees it differently: “You can say whatever you want, I don’t care, but the fact of the matter is, your job is just to win the fight. If it’s boring [and] you win, great. If it’s exciting [and] you lose, then what?”

Junior is not pleased to be contradicted in front of his team. “I think we make the guys a little bit confused, Lew,” he says. “Because sometimes I say something and you say something different…I know you’re a good fighter, I’m glad you’re here, but I think we need to talk to each other.” Uh-ohhh.

Back on the victorious Team Chickenshit, Brock tells Len Bentley that if they win their next two fights, he’s in line for a wild card spot. (Pay attention. This will become important later in the show.) And like clockwork, Len goes down grabbing his knee in practice. “I’m speechless,” Brock says, not literally speechless. “Maybe it’s time to close shop here for the day…I just want to exit the building. I’m just sick to my stomach.”

(Normal bedtime stuff.)

Len Bentley still has his panties in a bunch from Coach Lesnar’s ass-chewing after Ramsey Nijem defeated Charlie Rader last week. Bentley storms out of the Team Green locker room. “I’m not going to sit here and get punked out,” he says. “It’s like, bro, you weren’t even here for my fight.” Brock is cool with Bentley’s nonviolent protest, but says that deep down Len knows he could’ve given more during his fight. When Bentley returns, Brock admits he hasn’t exactly *watched* that fight yet and Len says if he had, he’d know Bentley got robbed by the judges. “It’s over, buddy,” Lesnar tells him, in a tone that clearly means “big deal.”

Brock says he’s still looking for someone to wow him and then he tries to make an issue out of how fighting is his livelihood. As if he’s not a kabillionaire who just took up MMA like four years ago. “When you guys step in that Octagon, it’s kill or be killed,” Lesnar says. Then, just for good measure, he says it again: “Kill … or be killed.” Now that’s coaching.

(Without televisions in the house, Ramsey and Junior had to imagine what happened on the ‘Jersey Shore’ finale. / Props: IronForgesIron)

Lew Polley thinks Team Dos Santos is outworking Team Lesnar, and believes Brock Lesnar has already lost interest. “Junior legitimately cares about how these kids are doing,” he says, totally contradicting the trash he’ll talk after the show wraps.

Lesnar, who missed last week’s fight due to a family obligation, returns to a very luke-warm welcome. “Len, I heard you fought hard buddy,” he says. Len Bentley isn’t interested in such pleasantries. After going 1-2 in the first three fights, Team Lesnar is down to “The Four Horsemen”: Tony Ferguson, Clay Harvison, Chuck O’Neil, and Charlie Rader.

But in practice, the Horsemen are performing like a bunch of damn fillies. Clay is sleepwalking through practice, and Charlie is lollygagging too. (Brock’s word, not mine.)

(“Look mom, no future!” Pic: Las Vegas Sun)

If 13 seasons of “The Ultimate Fighter” have taught us anything, it’s that we will never see Keon Caldwell again. Truth is, you can get away with a lot of things on “TUF” and very little of it really has anything to do with being a professional fighter. You can piss in somebody’s fruit tray. You can piss in somebody’s bed. You can piss in somebody’s workout gear. Hell, you can even get drunk and piss in your own pants and as long as you don’t cause an embarrassing public scene at a casino later, you’ll probably be fine. After approximately 160 episodes however, one thing we know you absolutely can not do is quit the UFC’s popular reality show.

In choosing to leave “TUF” of his own free will this week, Caldwell essentially committed career suicide. Of all the bullshit UFC fighters can do and be forgiven — Steroids? Fine. Federal crimes? Whatever. High speed chases with the cops? No problem – it’s strange to think that quitting a TV program is a sin that simply can’t be absolved. It’s true though, leave “TUF” and you might as well be a child molester. You’re done. Finito. Dead to them. Time to start thinking about community college.

More than any of the ridiculous “made for TV” aspects of the show – more than the editing designed to bury him or his coach’s cartoonish disappointment or Dana White’s self-righteous fuming — that’s what made Caldwell’s exit from the show so hard to watch this week. As fake as the rest of “TUF” may be, one fact is very real: We just saw a 22-year-old kid euthanize his own dream on national television, seemingly without fully grasping the consequences.

(“No, I’ve never been a male nurse. Why does everybody keep asking me that?”)

At the end of last night’s episode of The Ultimate Fighter: Team Lesnar vs. Team Dos Santos, we saw that tension was about to develop between Junior Dos Santos and his outspoken assistant coach Lew Polley. Reading Lew’s guest-blog for MMA Junkie, you get the sense that the two never really made up — why else would Polley be throwing JDS under the bus in public? Here’s what the Team Dos Santos wrestling specialist wrote about the coaching dynamic on the show:

“Myself and the other coaches were starting to butt heads already. Junior had never coached before, and fights and trains as a heavyweight, which means he doesn’t cut weight, nor has he fought at a pace that isn’t conducive to a heavyweight fight. Junior has a limited understanding of English. This and my wrestling is why I was brought in. In the season opener, Junior said pretty much the same thing. His other coaches felt differently, and the tension was mounting.

Junior decided to bring in a strength coach that was not very good at his job, or at least explaining why he was having the guys train in such a manner. The Brazilian coaches felt I was pushing too hard because I was trying to maximize the time we had in the gym. Before the fight, it became an issue. I would suggest an aggressive yet normal approach to maximize the guys time and skills, trying to be more efficient. Junior and the other staff decided it was a wrestling vs. jiu-jitsu thing.

(Chris Cope and Javier Torres: They will clinch you into a living death.)

Coach Dos Santos kicks off the episode by putting his team through an intense workout circuit. “Nobody died by get tired,” he says. Uh, dude?

With control of the matchups still in his hands, JDS wants either Javier Torres or Ramsey Nijem to fight next. One dude who won’t be fighting any time soon is Dos Santos’s last pick, Keon Caldwell, who has been struggling in practices. Junior tries to encourage him. Keon barfs in the bathroom. He thinks he’s falling behind because his mind is “where’s my family’s at.” He misses his daughter and he’s having a tough time with everything.

Brock Lesnar is in a bad mood. He hates to lose, and notices that his team is lacking in wrestling skill, which was their downfall in last week’s fight. Unfortunately, there isn’t much time to get everybody up to speed. “You can’t make chicken salad out of chicken shit,” he tells us, once again. “You know, you can’t polish turds to make ‘em look pretty. But we’re doing all we can.”

“If we don’t win this next fight, Brock is probably gonna kill us,” Charlie Rader says.

(Three seasons later, the ‘Innerme‘ still looms large…)

With a big-name crossover star like Brock Lesnar as one of the coaches for this season of The Ultimate Fighter, we wondered if TUF 13‘s viewership ratings would land anywhere near TUF 10‘s — the heavyweight season featuring Quinton Jackson and Rashad Evans as coaches and Kimbo Slice as one of the heavyweight hopefuls. According to the numbers released by Spike, TUF 13‘s premiere ratings couldn’t hold a candle to Kimbo.

Wednesday’s show attracted an average of 1.5 million viewers and a 1.0 household rating, and earned the highest viewership numbers for men 18-34 and 18-49 in its new 9 p.m. time slot, with ratings of 1.93 and 1.51, respectively. Still, that’s a far cry from the 4.1 million average viewers that TUF 10 earned in its premiere. It’s also a slight decline from last season’s Team GSP vs. Team Koscheck premiere, which attracted 1.6 million viewers — which was itself a decline from the 1.9 million viewers brought in by the TUF 11: Liddell vs. Ortiz premiere. In fact, the TUF 13 premiere was the least successful debut episode in series history, in terms of household rating.

Responding to the news, UFC president Dana White was in full-on hater-hurtin’ mode, posting the following on the UG: “SINCE WHEN IS 1.5 MILLIONS VIEWERS BAD? People have been saying it is dead since season 4. Sit back and watch bitches or don’t. TUF isnt going anywhere!!!! deal with it.“ Fair enough. But the downward trend can’t be ignored. So what went wrong?

(Coaching gaffes aside, the green jersey really brings out his eyes. Pic: TheMMANews)

At least one thing was abundantly clear Wednesday night about the debut episode of “The Ultimate Fighter,” season 13: Brock Lesnar has obviously never seen this show before. Forget for a minute all the silly squabbling over the former heavyweight champ’s credentials as a coach and whether or not his inclusion on the UFC’s popular reality show will be good for ratings and/or the sport. The real question this morning is whether or not Lesnar even owns a television, because the dude played the “TUF 13” season premiere like a straight-up rookie. Things snowballed so quickly and decisively in the favor of Team Dos Santos, that by the end of the first 60 minutes we had to wonder if this season will be another one-sided ass-kicking on the order of those handed out by Team GSP on “TUF 12” and Team Rashad on “TUF 10.”

We don’t want to totally bury Team Lesnar this early on because – let’s face it – a lot can happen between now and the end of the season, especially since producers appear to have done an uncharacteristically good job making the actual cast of “TUF 13” look evenly matched. There are only two dudes on board we’ve ever heard of before – Shamar Bailey and Ryan McGillivray, both snapped up quick-fast by Team JDS – so maybe Brock’s picks will surprise us. Still, we couldn’t help but notice that Lesnar didn’t exactly pin episode one to the mat and give it a Heath Herring-style beatdown. Here are the multiple ways Coach Brock screwed things up …

(Brock and the Burn Machine: Like a Shakeweight for straight dudes. Props: ZombieProphet)

The Ultimate Fighter: Team Lesnar vs. Team Dos Santos premiered last night, and whatever the opposite of fireworks is, that’s what episode 1 delivered. We begin with a video montage introducing the coaches. Brock Lesnar announces that he ain’t here to make friends during the first minute. Check that off your reality show cliche scorecard. (In an unrelated story, Junior Dos Santos later refers to himself as “a sleepy bitch.”)

The fighters come in howling like they just got selected for a spot on Mr. Awesome. They’re told that there will be no elimination fight to get into the house, which gets them even more psyched. Brock and Junior enter the room to a rousing ovation. The guys applaud Brock’s list of credentials. Dana says that Junior “stepped aside from that title shot to come in here and teach you guys what he’s got.” Obviously, they’re not going to mention Cain Velasquez’s injury and how Junior really felt about his title shot getting delayed.

(Video courtesy of YouTube/ESPN)

Brock Lesnar has been on a whirlwind media tour this week in advance of tonight’s premiere episode of The Ultimate Fighter Season 13 and one difference that is noticeable in the former UFC heavyweight champion is that he seems to be a lot less grumpy than usual. Either Dana White had a talk with him to ensure that there wouldn’t be any more “screw Bud Light” moments during the press junket or the TUF 13 coach has lightened up a bit. Either way, Brock actually comes off as funny and likeable in these clips.

Check out Lesnar scaring the shit out of Colin Cowherd and making Jim Norton squeal like a pig after the jump.

(Props: ironforgesiron.com)

Not only did Brock Lesnar avoid dropping The Other F-Bomb during yesterday’s appearance on Late Night With Jimmy Fallon, the former UFC heavyweight champion actually managed to come off as a fairly charming dude. Watch as Lesnar runs through his life story, explains his chest-tattoo and The Ultimate Fighter series, and — as is expected when you have a huge MMA fighter do a TV spot with a pencil-necked geek — chokes Jimmy out to end the segment. The book is called Death Clutch, and TUF 13 premieres tomorrow night on Spike.

After the jump: Lesnar does a longer and more serious interview with Ariel Helwani, in which he discusses his Ultimate Fighter coaching gig, gives his thoughts on Junior Dos Santos, and tries to make sense of his loss to Cain Velasquez.

(Okay, we’re just assuming she’s Brazilian. We apologize for perpetuating such a vile stereotype. Props: Sherdog via Lowkick)

Sherdog.com released an exclusive gallery of photos from the TUF 13 training facility, and there was one picture in particular that stuck out, so to speak. In fact, the chick in the yellow dress was so eye-catching, that we almost didn’t notice that her male counterpart was wearing a ridiculous fake nose. (Not sure what’s up with that. Maybe he’s Brazil’s answer to The Garv.) You can check out the full gallery here, although we have to warn you: There’s only one more photo of Girl in the Yellow Dress, and it’s a lot less flattering. We’ve placed it after the jump, for your convenience.

Update: We’ve now learned that the girl in question is Juliana Salimeni, and her fans are pushing for her to be a ring girl at UFC Rio.

(Update: Damn autoplay. Check out the video after the jump.)

“I just suffered a huge loss. That’s fighting. That’s the name of the game. That’s the world. As the world turns, people win, people lose, you get your ass back on the saddle and ride into town again…[Dos Santos] is in my way, and that’s the only thing I give a shit about. He’s in my way to get my title back. I was, and I will be again, the UFC heavyweight champion of the world. [Sarah Palin-esque wink/click]”

So says TUF 13 coach Brock Lesnar in his first video promo for The Ultimate Fighter: Team Lesnar vs. Team Dos Santos, which premieres Wednesday, March 30th, at 9 p.m./8c. We’re curious to see how the moody, insular former heavyweight champ handles a room full of screaming welterweights. Along with his solid team of assistant coaches, will Brock be able to inspire the up-and-coming fighters to be successful? Or are we looking at another heel-coach in the vein of Koscheck and Rampage?

(Update: The video was stuck on auto-play, so we moved it after the jump…)

Courtesy of Spike TV, here’s the cast unveiling video for TUF 13, which premieres on March 30th. Among the 14 welterweight hopefuls, there are fewer well-known names compared to recent seasons. I know who Shamar Bailey is because of his stint with Strikeforce, while undefeated KOTC standout Myles Jury — 9-0, all wins by stoppage, eight in the first round — has also been on my radar. But other than that, the cast is mostly made up of unknowns, with no obvious ringer in the mix. On the other hand, there also isn’t a lot of crazy hair in this video, which suggests that maybe these guys are more serious about fighting than camera time. That’s a good sign. A complete cast-list is after the jump…

(Considering the mostly-negative response to our “MMAshed Potato” host candidates, we figured we’d bring in a professional. Excellent use of the green-screen, buddy. /// Update: Having problems with the embed at the moment…click the image to watch the video.)

UFC 127: Penn vs. Fitch Weigh-In Results, Streamed and Updated Live Beginning at 10 p.m. ET (Lowkick)

James Toney Talks About the IRS Confiscating His Entire UFC 118 Purse (MiddleEasy)

Gegard Mousasi vs. Roger Gracie In Talks for April 9 Strikeforce Card (MMAWeekly)

Exclusive Video: The Ultimate Fighter 13 Tryouts (CageWriter)

Manny Gamburyan Pulls Out of UFC 128 With Back Injury (MMAFighting)

The 10 Most Ridiculous MMA Tattoos Of All Time (MTV Clutch)

9 Badass TV and Movie Characters That Don’t Talk (Guyism)

True Sh*t: Ten Movies the 2011 Academy Award Nominees Don’t Want You to See (Bullz-Eye)

Gemma Merna Unleashes Giant Cleavage in Loaded Magazine (BustedCoverage)

Hangover 2 Exclusive Teaser Trailer (TheRugged)

50 Mind Blowing Facts (OnlineSchools.org)

Lacrosse Fight Ends in Devastating Knockout (NothingToxic)

What You Can Learn From Her Tattoo (MadeMan)

Charlie Sheen’s Philosophies Examined And Discussed (HolyTaco)

(Props: YouTube.com/UFC)

Dana White’s latest UFC video blog is out, and it reveals the following:

- Somebody (not saying who) has already punched a hole into one of the walls on the TUF 13 set. Junior Dos Santos predicts Michael Bisping will defeat Jorge Rivera at UFC 127, and Jon Fitch will beat BJ Penn by decision. No surprises there.

- Brock Lesnar picks Jorge Rivera via ground-and-pound, but agrees that Jon Fitch will win by decision. (“Gotta stick with the wrassler,” he says.) Dana White sitting next to Brock Lesnar on a couch looks like a little bald child sitting next his big mean dad.

- Anthony Kiedis, my God. I’d like to take a time machine back to 1990 and confront a “Knock Me Down”-era Kiedis with footage that this is how he will look and carry himself when he’s 48 years old. Just the idea that he would be alive that long would probably freak him out, but one look at that mustache/pony-tail combo would send him into a tailspin of drug use and depression, possibly ending in suicide. Then, I would replace him as lead singer of the Red Hot Chili Peppers just in time for the band’s greatest period of commercial success. And that’s what I would do if I had a time machine.

As we recently learned, the next season of The Ultimate Fighter will be coached by a grumpy mountain man who probably won’t spend any more time on set than he absolutely needs to, and a Brazilian dynamo whose grasp on the English language is limited to simple phrases like "I believe too much in my boxing" and "tub you are a cold — so we’re not expecting a verbal rivalry on par with Tito/Ken or Rampage/Rashad. Still, it’s TUF, so somebody’s gonna get told at some point. Can this season’s insults possibly stack up to some of our past favorites?

#5: "You’re like an expert swimmer who’s never been in a pool."

Matt Serra’s epic dress-down of Marc Laimon was his star-making moment — and a firm bitch-smack to every sideline-hater who talks tough without any intention of actually backing up his words. A year later, Serra was coaching that damn show.

#4: "Bro, you’re a male nurse."

Like a Katy Perry song, it’s annoying as hell, and yet you can’t get it out of your head. "Bro, you’re a male nurse" — I say that to all my friends now, no matter what their professions actually are. And it aggravates them too.

("Puleeaaze…You mean the dweeb in the alligator shirt? Yeah, I’ll fight him next.")

UFC.com inadvertently stole Dana White’s thunder this afternoon by announcing that Junior Dos Santos and Brock Lesnar will be the coaches on next season of The Ultimate Fighter before the UFC president could make the announcement during Tuesday’s conference call for the January 22 Fight for the Troops event.

White shot down media members during the Q&A who asked if he would name the TUF 13 team heads, explaining more than once that he would be announcing who the coaches would be at the end of the call, but was upstaged by his company’s website who posted the press release 15 minutes before he could break the news.

According to the release, the pair of heavyweights will meet at the end of the season and the winner will face champion Cain Velasquez when he returns from a shoulder injury in an estimated six months.

White, who admitted during the call that he had lied to reporters when he told them that he had not spoken to Lesnar since his loss to Cain Velasquez at UFC 121 in October also quashed rumors that the bout will be for the interim heavyweight title.

The full release is after the jump.

("There is only four things I not like in this world. One is Justin Bieber; the other three is Chael Sonnen.")

At the tail end of Chael Sonnen’s exclusive post-CSAC hearing interview he did with Mike Straka last week, the former UFC number one middleweight contender told the HDNet reporter that he knew what was up next for him, he just couldn’t say because it was "a secret at this point."

Now I may be reading into that statement and the fact that Sonnen has been hellbent lately on calling out Wanderlei Silva at every turn, but if I had to wager a guess as to what the UFC had on tap for "The Most Interesting Man in the World" it would be a TUF coaching slot opposite "The Axe Murderer."

Sure the season would require subtitles pretty much every time Wand opens his mouth, but they had to do the same with the Brits on the USA vs. UK season, so it’s not like that will turn away viewers, especially when you have as polarizing of a persona as Sonnen opposite him.

I interviewed Chael prior to his fight with Nate Marquardt and he was unusually complimentary of his opponent. When I asked him why, he told me that he basically wasn’t in character yet that far out from the fight and that if I called him a few weeks before the fight he’d be on his game. He also said that it’s tough to smack talk a guy he likes like Marquardt.

To me, that says one of two things about the Wanderlei Twitter assault he launched the day after his CSAC meeting using his account which has been inactive since the news of his positive drug test hit and which he used to repeatedly roast Anderson Silva and his manager, Ed Soares leading up to his last fight: 

He must really want a fight with Wand.

or

He must already have a fight with, or a slot on TUF coaching opposite Silva lined up.

Here’s the backstory and the evidence that prompted my educated guess after the jump: