UFC

According to Brock Lesnar's jiu-jitsu coach, Rodrigo "Comprido" Medeiros, the big man is healing up after his surgery and will "be fighting again within six months."  That means Lesnar-Carwin could take place this spring, and there will be no need for an interim title or any other such nonsense.  Great, right?  Only maybe we should consider the possibility, however minor, that "Comprido" is substituting blind optimism for medical knowledge.

If we can believe what Dana White says, Lesnar had a hole in his intestine that was leaking stuff into his stomach.  I'm no more a doctor than I am a jiu-jitsu world champion, but that sounds like the kind of thing that could sideline a man for a little while.  Even if the surgery was completely successful in repairing the problems, Lesnar will probably need to rest for a little while before returning to the kind of intense training that might prepare him for a title defense. 

In other words, let's take this six month promise with a grain of salt.  While it's believable that Lesnar may heal much faster than your average mortal, it's also possible that he might need more time to put this behind him and get in shape to defend a heavyweight championship.  Especially after what those Canadian doctors did to him. 

In this video with Cagewriter's Steve Cofield, Keith Kizer goes into slightly more detail about the Karo Parisyan situation, making it sound more and more like Parisyan was doing the old Matt Mitrione, trying to get out of this fight any way he could.  Granted this is only one side of the story we're hearing here, but it sure sounds like the Nevada State Athletic Commission was beyond reasonable about this whole thing.  Allowing him to pay the fine out of his next purse is akin to letting him work off the debt, which is more than Blockbuster is willing to do.

The most interesting moment here may be when Cofield asks Kizer whether it's usually an issue getting fighters to pay their fines.  I guess I always assumed that the NSAC made you write a check right after handing down their verdict, and if you didn't have it in your bank account anymore by then they made you, I don't know, wash dishes at a local restaurant or something. 

But Kizer says the NSAC is still waiting to get paid by Pawel Nastula, who popped positive for several different banned substances after his loss to Josh Barnett at Pride 32 in Las Vegas back in 2006.  In all fairness, Nastula was accustomed to a different culture with regards to performing-enhancing substances, so it's kind of impressive that he was only on one steroid and three different stimulants.  In Pride, that assortment used to be known as a light breakfast.

(Props: twitter.com/danawhite)

Look, everybody knows that Karo Parisyan is a very troubled young man. But we're still shocked by the now-emerging news that Parisyan has pulled out of a fight at the last minute for the second time in his UFC career, directly following his nine-month suspension for the use of unapproved meds. Judging from his tweets, it's obvious that UFC prez Dana White has had enough of Karo's bullshit, and we may never see the Heat inside of the Octagon ever again. As for Parisyan's "laundry list of excuses" for canceling his UFC 106 meeting with Dustin Hazelett, MMA Weekly presents one explanation:

However, Nevada State Athletic Commission Executive Director Keith Kizer's side of the story is quite a bit different. As he told Sherdog:

(Schaub vs. Madsen stoppage, via bothmiddlefingers)

Matt Mitrione is still bitching about his alleged brain damage. He says a doctor's visit revealed that he has some minor swelling in the brain, which turned into a migraine. As a result, he's a little slow and it's taking a little longer for him to say things. Trevor Wittman calls horseshit — swelling of the brain is life-threatening, and the doctor wouldn't just send him back to the house. Coach Rashad still can't get a clear read on if Mitrione really wants to continue fighting; he has to want it for himself more than his coaches want it for him. James McSweeney — who's scheduled to fight Mitrione in the third quarterfinal match — feels that Mitrione is just playing games, and in his book, Meathead just went from "rat" to "two faced little bitch without a heart."

While rolling with Demico Rogers, Kimbo Slice tweaks his knee. He'd obviously be the first fighter to return if Mitrione has to withdraw from the competition, but Coach Rampage is worried that McSweeney would focus on the bum joint with kicks. (In Kimbo's charming personal dialect, McSweeney is a "tree chopper.") Later, a doctor tells Kimbo that he's missing some cartilage, but Kimbo won't get a cortisone shot because big needles freak him out. He suffers through an ice bath outside the TUF house, while his housemates laugh at his agony.

(Enjoy your long winter breaks, boys.  Try to lay off the Christmas chocolates.)

According to Dan Wetzel of Yahoo! Sports, the UFC is spreading the word that May 1 will bring the much-anticipated and very necessary rematch between UFC light heavyweight champ Lyoto Machida and Mauricio "Shogun" Rua in Montreal.  That also happens to be May Day, so maybe Machida and Rua will celebrate by leading their fellow UFC workers in a bloody revolution against the bourgeoisie oppressors in the Zuffa front office.  More likely though, they'll just fight each other for a whole lot of money in front of a packed audience of Quebecois.  

Sure, May is kind of a long time to wait for this rematch, and by then we may have forgotten how heated we were about the controversy surrounding the decision, but after going five hard rounds these guys need some time off before they begin another training camp.  Plus, if the UFC waits long enough, maybe the light heavyweight division will sort itself out and an obvious challenger will appear.  Or maybe by then "Rampage" Jackson will be filming an "A-Team" sequel, Rashad Evans will have joined the cast of "The Real World," and Tito Ortiz will be directing porn movies under the name Rod Poundington.  The way the UFC's luck has been lately, it's not really that far-fetched.