(I have come for your women.) 

As promised, Yoshiro Akiyama has already completed his transformation to 170 pounds, and besides looking a little gaunt in the face, it’s safe to say that he has taken this “Sexyama” thing to a whole ‘notha level. I mean, first the music video and now this? You are making it increasingly difficult for the rest of the male population to get laid, Mr. Akiyama.

Below, we have Akiyama’s weigh in photo leading into his UFC debut match against Alan Belcher as a basis for comparison, courtesy of mmajunkie.com.

(“Look at me damn it.  I said I’m sorry. I even sent you a brownie basket.”)

Somebody should have warned Lyoto Machida that playing hardball with Dana White never ends well.

Now, either the UFC is teaching him a lesson for wanting “Anderson Silva Money” for stepping in on short notice to face Rashad Evans at UFC 133 or they want to save the Japanese-Brazilian fighter for its February 26 return to Japan. Either way, Lyoto, who only fought once in 2011 at UFC 129 in April, won’t even be making Strikeforce Challengers money the rest of the year. Lucky for him he has the Knockout of the Night bonus he got for retiring Randy Couture and knocking out his tooth.

(Video courtesy of YouTube/UFC)

Since he’s on his way to Wisconsin for the lead-up media appearances for Sunday night’s UFC Live on Versus 5: Hardy vs. Lytle event, Dana White’s first video blog for the show is more of a recap of UFC 133, which is just as well.

It’s interesting to see Dana’s non reaction to Vitor Belfort’s win over Yoshihiro Akiyama. He can clearly be heard telling Lorenzo Fertitta that the finishing blows by “The Phenom” were to the back of “Sexyama’s” head. Neither UFC executive showed little emotion when Belfort came over to their side of the Octagon to let them know he’s back and White later said in an interview that the former UFC light heavyweight champion would have to chew on his loss to Anderson Silva for a while before he gets another title shot.

A couple of weeks before UFC 133 in Philadelphia, Dana White made an appearance on Philly’s Preston and Steve show on WMMR to promote the show. Preston and Steve, being the wacky morning radio show duo they are, invited local comic and YouTube star Ed Bassmaster down to meet the Baldfather as one of his many alter-egos. Dana obviously had no idea who this guy was, as he completely bought that Skippy was just your average TUF fan in khakis and comically thick glasses.

So what happens when you ask Dana why he frequently seems upset and angry?

Well, Dana was so amused that he decided to have Ed wander the locker rooms and hallways at the event, doing interviews and trying to put some moves on Chandella. Of course, what he really wanted to do was get Skippy in the same room with Lorenzo Fertitta and sit back and watch the big guy squirm.

(“Expect punches to the back of the head, every fight bro.”)

Tatame caught up with Vitor Belfort following his impressive victory over Yoshihiro Akiyama Saturday night at UFC 133 and the former UFC light heavyweight champion said he isn’t letting Dana White’s statement that he needs to “chew on” his loss to Anderson Silva for a while deter him from keeping his eye on the middleweight belt.

He says that his number one goal is to get another shot at Silva, or whomever holds the belt at the time, so he can make up for his poor showing the last time he fought for the belt at UFC 126 in February.

“That’s my wish. I don’t know what they’ll decide. I don’t know what the fans want to see and since UFC guys will evaluate the situation, saying who deserves a title shot or not… I want to fight for the belt and I’ll run through everybody who stands in my way.That’s my goal.”

Preparing for today’s technique video entry, we thought we’d struck gold when we ran across a video from GracieAcademy titled “143 Armlocks in 10 Minutes“. Wow, we thought to ourselves, we didn’t even realize there were that many variations. Clicking on the video to watch, we were even more impressed to find that the video in question wasn’t even a full ten minutes long! Not only are these guys knowledgeable, they’re effing fast.

Well, cue the Price is Right “aw shucks” sound effect, because we got trolled pretty hard. Turns out the video is an armbar drill — watch Ryron Gracie go from side to side, working on his form, and not a single fun variation to speak of. Well played, Gracie Academy. You may have won this time, but we’ll be back.

Luckily, right next to that video we found the customary Gracie Breakdown for UFC 133, so you can watch Ryron and Rener work through the (submissionless) UFC card, including that Costantinos Philippou attempt at an omaplata that Rogan was yelling about.

Enjoy! (Seriously, enjoy this. Don’t go through another joyless day; talk to your doctor to find out if BJJ is right for you.)

[RX]

(Cover your kids’ eyes. Superman’s fighting.)

Dennis Hallman says that his choice of in-Octagon attire at UFC 133 was not entirely his fault. It was actually the result of a lost bet to a trio of teammates.

Although he wouldn’t disclose the subject of the wager that led to a rather unfortunate wardrobe malfunction during his fight with Brian Ebersole, he broke the news to Ariel Helwani during today’s MMA Hour of the reason why he went for the European look Saturday night.

“I won’t say what the bet was about, but I lost a bet to those guys and losing the bet meant that I got to wear some speedos,” Hallman explained to Helwani. “I thought it was funny. I thought it was embarrassing for me. Obviously, that’s why I had to do it. But I didn’t think anybody would be cross about it.”

(Photo via CagedInsider)

After a 9-4 UFC run that included impressive victories over Mark Munoz, Tito Ortiz, Keith Jardine, Tim Boetsch, and Seth Petruzelli, light-heavyweight contender Matt Hamill has confirmed that he is retiring from MMA competition. The TUF 3 castmember and inspirational figure made the announcement on his website today, in the wake of his TKO loss to Alexander Gustafsson at UFC 133. As Hamill wrote:

Today is a sad day for me. After six years and 13 fights in the UFC I’m ready to hang up my gloves and retire from this amazing sport.

The UFC has been extremely good to me and given me an opportunity to make a great living. That exposure has allowed me options outside the Octagon as well. I just don’t have it in me to fight anymore and my last two performances have shown that.

(Props: ArielHelwani)

When Swedish light-heavyweight prospect Alexander Gustafsson (12-1) stepped into the cage against Matt Hamill at UFC 133 on Saturday night, he was already carrying UFC victories over Jared Hamman, Cyrille Diabate, and James Te-Huna, all by stoppage. But his savage second-round TKO of Hamill (gif after the jump) represented his first big-name scalp, and now sets the 24-year-old on a steep upward trajectory.

Asked about his improvements since his sole career loss to Phil Davis in April 2010, Gustafsson said, “I see myself like, I want to beat the Alex who was fighting against Te-Huna. Next fight I want to beat the Alex who fought Matt Hamill. I want to be better after every practice, and evolve, progress.”

Hamill came in as a short-notice replacement for Vladimir Matyushenko, and said after the fight that not having a full training camp led to him feeling fatigued and weak against Gustafsson. Though the UFC gave Hamill credit for stepping up, his future in the UFC is somewhat uncertain. Meanwhile, Gustafsson is a new golden boy in the 205-pound division. Any suggestions on who he should fight next?

(Props: UFC.com)

Does this mean we can finally retire Rashad’s classic Machida-face? It’s already given us so many great memories. After the jump: Tito Ortiz accidentally swallows Rashad’s hand.

Proof that ReX loves you and wants you to be happy. Props to ReX13.

Actions have consequences. If you’re going to make a screen name bet, you may have to be #1CaseyAnthonyFan for the next few weeks. If you’re going to wear manties in the Octagon, you may really gross out your boss. Perhaps to the point where he’ll invent a new bonus to give the guy who knocks you out. Due to Dennis Hallman’s wardrobe, Brian Ebersole became the first- and probably last- fighter to pocket seventy grand for winning the “Thank You for Getting those Trunks off TV as Soon as Possible” bonus.

The other End of the Night bonuses were a bit more traditional. For living up to the expectations we’ve always had of him by quickly knocking out Yoshihiro Akiyama, “War Belford” took home the Knockout of the Night bonus. Vitor Belfort more than likely knocked Akiyama out of the UFC as well, unless Akiyama is willing to drop to welterweight.

The quickest way to a man’s heart is to drive your knee through his sternum. (Pic: UFC.com)

Admit it: for a moment last night, you believed. After surviving a first round that saw him battered against the cage and dumped to the canvas “Country Breakfast” style, it looked like “The Huntington Beach Bad Boy” “The People’s Champion”, for the second time in five weeks, would pull off the improbable upset via guillotine. But aside from those few electrifying seconds, Tito Ortiz was never in that bout. Rashad’s hands, Rashad’s speed, Rashad’s everything seemed too much for Tito.

Evans showed no signs of ring rust as he went for the kill throughout the fight. Following this decisive victory he now finds himself in the exact same position he’s been in for well over a year: staring at a potential title fight in the manner a mule eyes a carrot dangling just out of reach. From what I saw last night, he’s as ready as one can be to challenge Jon Jones should he get past Rampage next month. Rashad has a history of excessively-delayed bouts with both men. Let’s pray that the winner of that bout emerges healthy and ready to defend his belt sooner rather than later.

Well, UFC 133 is live from the home of Rocky Balboa tonight so let’s get this thing going and see how Philly does this shit.

Spoilers are after the jump.

Props: Zombie Prophet

If you were lucky enough to be in Philly for the lead up to UFC 133, you were treated to a Q&A session with none other than Chael Sonnen. True to form, Chael Sonnen gave some brutally honest potentially scripted answers to the fans. And of course, the obligatory praise for Dana White, going as far as saying that Dana White would end the recession if he was president. Really. Not to imply that Chael would ever use plants for a Q&A session, but his response to “What happened in California? (9:52 mark)” seemed pre-packaged, even for an eagle among turkeys like Chael Sonnen.

Some brief highlights after the jump:

Dana’s Video Blogs are often great for two reasons: you get to see some cool shit from just over his shoulder, and you get just a small hint of how much money he has. This final UFC 133 entry is no different.

Following the UFC 133 Press Conference, Dana takes your standard helicopter ride to Atlantic City, where he proceeds to “kick the shit out of Caesar’s Palace”. Judging by the fat stacks of cash in his hotel room, The Baldfather is rapidly approaching the point where he must weigh his money rather than count it. We also get a closer look at last night’s weigh-ins and learn that Ivan Menjivar knew that he wouldn’t be cutting any additional weight as soon as he stepped off the scales, opting for a fine instead. A tough weight cut is always something to consider for those of you looking to place any last minute bets.

Here’s your chance to get it on the record. Who is getting their hand raised tonight?

If we learned anything about Brian Ebersole during his UFC debut, it’s that he’s a wild dude with a penchant for cartwheel kicks. You might think it’s something he just does on a whim, but as we learn in the video above it’s a maneuver that requires thorough training.

Ebersole’s preparation for tonight’s fight against Dennis Hallman took him all the way to Phuket, Thailand, where he sharpened up his “eight limbed attack”. But it wasn’t all take and no give for “The White Anderson Silva”. He took time from his training to teach the men, women, and…everyone else at Tiger Muay Thai a lesson in his trademark kick. Could we have just caught a glimpse of Strikeforce’s next Women’s Middleweight Champion?

(Video courtesy of YouTube/UFC)

- The many bloodied and swollen faces of MMA (Clutch.MTV)

- How to make your place a better wingman (MadeMan)

- Unapologetic Chael Sonnen unleashes latest rants on PED accustations (MMAJunkie)

- Five fun things to do at your temp job (HolyTaco)

- Book Review: Mike Straka’s Fighting Words (TheSweetScience)

- First look at Anne Hathaway as Catwoman (ScreenJunkies)

- All fighters but one on weight for UFC 133 (UFC)

- NHL mouthpiece Sean Avery taunted arresting officers, calling them “fat little pigs” (TMZ)

- Tim Sylvia returns to action in Illinois on August 20 (TheFightNerd)

- Facebook spam king surrenders to FBI (TorontoSun)

- British student killed by polar bear in Norway (Telegraph)

- NYE UFC show in Abu Dhabi a possibility (MMAFighting)

- Pacquaio returning to HBO (ESPN)

- Polygamist found guilty of sex with minors issues threatening statement during sentencing (MyFoxAtlanta)

- Why Chad Mendes Is the Biggest Threat to Jose Aldo (BleacherReport)

- How to get body dysmorphia: attend the crossfit games (WithLeather)

- Interview with UFC LHW champ Jon “Bones” Jones (TheBigLead)

- Mark Hunt says if UFC doesn’t renew his contract he may retire (MiddleEasy)

There are a lot worse things you could spend 42 minutes doing today, so you may as well listen to The Bum Rush. Hell, you could make any menial task a bit more enjoyable if you do it WHILE listening to the show.

On this short and sweet episode, Mike and Ben get right down to business breaking down UFC 133, recapping Strikeforce: Fedor vs. Henderson and giving their takes on the week’s hot button news stories.

(“Look Tito, I’ll stand up here with you, but I ain’t holdin’ your damn hand.” Photo courtesy of MMAMania)

With UFC 133 set to pop off tomorrow night in Philly, CagePotato founding editor Ben Goldstein and weekend writer Seth Falvo are locking horns for a furious ‘Evans vs. Ortiz’-flavored debate. So how far can Tito take this “comeback” thing? How can you make some quick cash by betting on the fights? And will Ben or Seth have to change their screen-name to something humiliating on Sunday? It’s time for battle, and the stakes have never been higher…

If Tito Ortiz beats Rashad Evans on Saturday night, should he get a light-heavyweight title shot?

BG: Well yeah, obviously. If Tito can pull off another gigantic upset on Saturday, he’ll have completed the first two acts of a comeback story that you usually only see in movies. The only logical next step is the thrilling, Rocky-esque finale, where the belt is on the line, and the odds are stacked against him, and his twin sons are cageside, sucking their thumbs in unison, held in the arms of a very concerned-looking Donald Trump. The bottom line is, the UFC would be fools to sit on such an incredible storyline, especially when it involves one of their all-time biggest stars.

Besides, who would Tito really be line-jumping in this scenario? The winner of Mauricio Rua vs. Forrest Griffin? Meh, they’ve had their shots. And we all know that Lyoto Machida will be on ice for a while due to his insolence. So until Dan Henderson gets re-signed by the UFC for one last title run at 205, “yes” is the only answer here.

SF: That all sounds right to me, Ben. Rashad Evans has been a perennial contender at light-heavyweight. A victory over him should give you a title shot, no matter who you are. Yet Rashad Evans doesn’t necessarily deserve a title shot if he beats Tito Ortiz. Ortiz’s victory over Ryan Bader didn’t elevate him to contender status; it prevented him from getting fired. He’s still 1-4-1 in his last six going into Saturday night. Frankly, he’s a step down in competition from Phil Davis, as far as the current light-heavyweight rankings are concerned. If Evans finishes this fight quickly, then I fully expect him to get the next shot at the title. But if he allows this fight to go to the judges, I wouldn’t be surprised to see him get overlooked.

Let’s say, hypothetically speaking, that you have $100. Looking at the fight odds for UFC 133, what’s the surest way to increase your stack?

(Video courtesy of YouTube/UFC)

It’s amazing that the UFC marketing department can release what likely started off as an inter-office gag and it becomes more popular than the actual hype videos they release for the event, especially when you think it probably didn’t take their video editing team more than an hour to make it.

Just a friendly reminder that Spike TV will be running the Countdown to UFC 133 show tonight at 11:00 pm ET. If you don’t have Spike and are in Canada, you can check it out tomorrow night at 8:00 pm ET on Sportsnet or you can have a look back here and I’m sure we’ll have other resources available for you to check out the show.

The card has undergone a lot of changes, which also force the UFC to reshoot portions of the preview episode, so hopefully it isn’t noticeable. The first time we catch them overdubbing the audio of Rashad talking about Phil Davis with a clip of him saying “Tito Ortiz,” we’re tuning out.

Check out a clip of Vitor Belfort doing some filming on the set of the show ahead of his fight with Yoshihiro Akiyama Saturday night after the jump.

(A wise man once said, ‘Success is the best revenge.’ A slightly less-wise man once said, ‘All y’all haters can blow me.’ / Photo courtesy of MMAFighting)

When Tito Ortiz choked out Ryan Bader at UFC 132 — breaking a four-and-a-half year winless streak in an upset that absolutely nobody saw coming — he immediately became MMA’s comeback story of the year. And if Ortiz can defeat old rival Rashad Evans at UFC 133 on August 6th, he’ll have earned a place among the greatest MMA comebacks of all time.

In honor of the Huntington Beach Bad Boy’s return to legit contendership, we decided to look at MMA’s classic career comebacks, and the non-MMA sports comebacks that we most closely associate them with. Check out the list below, and ask yourself one question: If Tito can leave the Octagon with a victory next Saturday, would he deserve the #1 spot?

FRANK MIR

Rise and fall: The brash submission specialist earned a heavyweight title shot at UFC 48 in June 2004, against 16-0 champion Tim Sylvia. Mir famously snapped Sylvia’s forearm with an armbar and went home with the belt. Three months later, Mir was struck by a car while riding his motorcycle. The accident broke his femur, tore up his knee, and nearly cost him a toe as well. His return to competition a year-and-a-half later was a minor miracle in itself, but the “comeback” saw him get smashed by Marcio Cruz, followed by a lackluster win over Dan Christison, followed by another smashing at the hands of Brandon Vera.

(Video courtesy of YouTube/HeavyMMA)

You would think that, considering the way that their last fight ended, that Rashad Evans wouldn’t be very excited to face Lyoto Machida any time soon.

Well it looks like Rashad either has short-term memory or that he’s ready to face his fears, considering that judging by the video above, he seemed to genuinely want to fight Machida when the fight was all but a done deal. Then when “Suga” heard that Lyoto pulled out of the bout due to a “lack of Anderson Silva money” being offered to him for the fight, he really seemed to be crushed.

Look, these two guys are never going to fight, okay? Even Sakara has permanently given up on it. Which makes this video from Ranger Up almost a collector’s item — a memento from a mythical bout that never happened. The RU boys filmed it a few weeks ago, back when it looked like the middleweight slugfest was finally going to come to fruition. No dice. Now all we have is this preview package, in which Alessio and Jorge talk about how much they respect each other. What’s the opposite of “no love lost between these two”? “Lots of love lost”? Because that doesn’t make any damn sense either.

(Rory and GSP prior to MacDonald’s UFC debut in 2010.)

When UFC welterweight Rory MacDonald first signed with the UFC, he made the tough decision to move away from his home and longtime training centre in Kelowna, B.C. to Montreal so he could train with Canada’s best MMA camp, in Tristar/Zahabi MMA.

One of the main reasons for the move was so he could train alongside Georges St-Pierre — the man many considered to be the top welterweight fighter in the world. Although he admits that the top-tier training sessions coupled with the more frequent and higher volume strength and conditioning periods took some time to acclimate to, MacDonald says his more stringent preparations have paid off in dividends.

(Photo courtesy of TMZ)

Just three months after he wrecked a Toyota Scion while preparing for a celebrity race in Long Beach, Tito Ortiz was involved in another vehicular misadventure this weekend. The UFC light-heavyweight contender — man, it’s weird to write that again! — was involved in a three-car collision near a Denny’s in Costa Mesa that left his beloved Rolls Royce Phantom with a busted grill.

Nobody was injured, and Ortiz didn’t even seem that pissed off afterwards. But the Huntington Beach Bad Boy later confirmed that he cried a little, since the Rolls was his favorite car and repairs won’t be covered by insurance.

And so, Tito Ortiz narrowly dodges the UFC 133 curse, which makes us wonder: Is this like a Final Destination kind of thing where Tito now has to injure somebody on the UFC 133 card himself since he escaped a violent fate that was clearly intended for him?

(Pyle partaking in MMA’s newest training craze: coffin planking.)

By CagePotato Special Contributor Mike Schmitz

Our friend Mike Schmitz  from TapouT VTC caught up with UFC welterweight fighter Mike Pyle Monday morning and hooked us up with an exclusive interview for The Potato Nation ahead of “Quicksand’s” upcoming UFC 133 bout with 22-year-old Canadian phenom Rory MacDonald.

Check out what Pyle had to say about a variety of topics, including his training, his upcoming fight and what he thinks about being an underdog against MacDonald, after the jump.

(Shouldn’t have trusted him in the first place, Jorge.)

As first leaked by Mike Chiappetta, UFC middleweight Alessio Sakara has been forced to withdraw from his UFC 133 main card bout against Jorge Rivera due to a torn ACL. If you were just struck by an eerie sense of deja vu, here’s why…

Sakara and Rivera were originally paired up for UFC 118, but Rivera was forced to withdraw due to a broken arm. (Sakara was quickly matched up with replacement opponent Gerald Harris before bowing out himself due a knee injury.) The two fighters were re-scheduled for UFC 122 last November, but Sakara pulled out on the day of the fight after experiencing flu-like symptoms that were either weight-cut related, or tuna-related.

Following losses to Chris Leben and Michael Bisping, Yoshihiro Akiyama‘s back is squarely against the wall coming into his co-headlining bout at UFC 133. Unfortunately, his opponent will be Vitor Belfort, who can end a fight at any time with his notoriously lethal hands. But don’t sleep on Sexy. Akiyama predicts a knockout victory on August 6th, saying that he’s just as dangerous as Belfort in a stand-and-bang situation. “Every time I fight, I fight like my life’s at stake,” he says. And yeah, against the Phenom it very well might be. But we’ll have to find out Akiyama’s stance on Internet porn before we can make an official prediction.

(By the way, is it really necessary to start this clip with that stereotypical Asian flute playing in the background? Come on, son. Akiyama is of Korean descent, so you know the only music playing at his crib is Bubble Pop on a continuous loop.)

After the jump: A look at Vitor Belfort’s dramatic early rise in the UFC as well as his return (which conveniently doesn’t include that part where he got Seagal’d by Anderson Silva).

(Ah, 2007 — when picking up a draw against Tito Ortiz could be the greatest accomplishment of a fighter’s career.)

By Jared ‘DangadaDang” Jones

In a sport where upsets come as easily as a lone, well placed punch, the rematch has become not only commonplace, but a huge commodity for the UFC as well. Fight fans worldwide have embraced the rematch because they offer a chance to witness a fighter’s redemption first-hand. Sometimes these matches provide us with instant classics, and set in place the even more lucrative Trilogy, while others serve only to confirm what we already knew.

Tito Ortiz, the man behind some of the UFC’s most profitable rematches and trilogies, is looking to continue his path to redemption and possibly contendership (!) when he takes on Rashad Evans at UFC 133. Though the odds are against him, his recent win over Ryan Bader proved to us that he can still choke someone out when it’s called for. (No Brett, you’re doing it wrong.) And since Ortiz stepped up to the plate, so shall I. Here are four upcoming UFC rematches and how I believe they will go down…

Tito Ortiz vs. Rashad Evans – UFC 133

(Click image to watch video.)

What happened the first time: Ortiz was able to secure a takedown within the opening minute of the fight, giving him the edge in a grappling-and-clinch-heavy first round, but after repeatedly grabbing the fence in the second frame, referee Big John McCarthy deducted one point from Ortiz, nullifying a round he would have won. Rashad was able to mount some offense in the third and secure a takedown of his own, resulting in a draw across the board.