As MMA gamely stumbles into 2013, we’ve once again decided to bestow meaningless awards to the fighters and moments that caught our attention this year. CagePotato’s crack team of writers spent all month nominating winners in 27 different categories, which we’ve loosely arranged in chronological order. Use the “next page” links to scroll through this monster, or click on the following page links at your leisure. And as always, thanks for putting up with us for another year. Here’s to bigger and better things in 2013, which shouldn’t be a tough goal to hit, considering.

Page 1: Knockout of the Year, Comeback Fight of the Year, Worst Performance in a Drug Test, ‘WTF?’ Moment of the Year

Page 2: The Krazy Horse Bennett Arrest of the Year Award, Worst Event of the Year, Worst Fight of the Year, Best Fight of the Year

Page 3: The Cecil Peoples Shittiest Decision of the Year Award, Most Bizarre MMA News Story of the Year, The Dana White Crazy Freakout of the Year Award, MMA Twitter Photo of the Year

Page 4: Greatest Fight Canceled Due to Injury, The Minowaman Freak Show Hall of Fame Award, Most Satisfying Beatdown, Comeback Fighter of the Year

Page 5: MMA Fail of the Year, Catchphrase of the Year, The Steve Nelmark Memorial “Is He Dead?” Award, Best Female Newcomer

Page 6: The “Really? You’re Just Gonna Keep Doing that Shit that Gets You in All That Trouble?” Award (a.k.a. “The Koppenhaver”), Gnarliest Injury of the Year, Best Event of the Year, Submission of the Year

Page 7: The Inaugural “Okay, It’s FINALLY Safe to Call This Guy Wasted Potential” Award (a.k.a. “The Filho”), Greatest Hype Deflation, Greatest MMA GIFs of the Year

(This guy? A smoker? Impossible.)

Following his submission-of-the-night victory over Chris Clements at UFC 149, Matt Riddle tested positive for marijuana, according to a new report from MMAJunkie. The Calgary Combative Sports Commission suspended Riddle for 90 days retroactive to the July 21 event, which means the TUF 7 vet will be out of action until…well, today. Crisis averted.

For UFC fighters — most of whom don’t compete more than once every three months anyway — the 90-day suspension is more of a “hey bro, not cool” kind of gesture, rather than something that’s actually punitive; all it really prevented Riddle from doing was taking an ill-advised short-notice fight directly after his last appearance. Then again, the UFC still hasn’t scheduled his next fight, so maybe they’re going to make him stew for a bit. Riddle’s just lucky this happened in Canada rather than Nevada, or he could have been out of action for an entire year.

Of course, this raises an obvious question: If Riddle was smoking weed before his last fight, what kind of drugs was he on when he fought Sean Pierson? The LSD that Paulo Filho makes in his bathtub?

“What’s that screeching noise? Sounds like a train coming to a sudden halt…”

Remember when we all thought that Hector Lombard was the X factor of the UFC middleweight division? And we pegged the middleweight who hadn’t lost a fight since 2006 a 4-1 favorite to wallop Tim Boetsch at UFC 149? And we thought he would go on to give Anderson Silva his toughest test to date? Oh man, those were some good times, right?

As far as Hector Lombard is concerned, not so fast. Three weeks after his dreadful performance at UFC 149, the Cuban middleweight has released a statement on his Facebook page. Presumably after meeting with his social media consultant, Tito Ortiz, Lombard claims that he was just too damn injured to have been fighting, bro. I know, put on your shocked faces.

Via His Official Facebook Page:

(Props: YouTube.com/fueltv)

Dominick Cruz has that same condition Chuck Liddell has, where part of his brain automatically switches into “I’M FIGHTING” mode when he’s watching other people fight, and he begins to lose control of his body. Fuel TV has released a revealing pair of behind-the-scenes clips shot backstage during last Saturday’s Faber vs. Barao fight. In the first one, Cruz is pacing back and forth like Burt Watson just told him it’s time to roll. The sound of the interim bantamweight title fight being introduced is enough to give Dominick some painful flashbacks.

As you’ll see in the next clip (after the jump), Jon Anik and Brian Stann were at the other end of that hall the whole time, and God knows what they must have made of the pacing thing. Cruz and Stann break down the action, and unsurprisingly, Dominick is unable to stand still. You get the sense that Cruz was pulling for Urijah to win. Did he see something in Barao that spooked him, or did he just want another opportunity to beat up his old rival?

(Well said.)

Twitter holds an interesting place in the MMA landscape. On one hand, it often comes across as little more than a medium for fighters to vent their frustrations with the foresight and competency of a middle school dropout, or to aid in the ongoing series of endless, needless arguments that constitute 90% of the internet nowadays. Seriously, I was on one of those porn sites that allow comments the other day and stumbled across a heated argument concerning what the woman fellating the donkey onscreen was probably thinking. My guess was that she was reconsidering her choice to forgo those online courses for some quick cash and a shot at Fame (which coincidentally was the horse’s name), but the two (probable) gentlemen involved in said dispute seemed to think she was trying to determine the ethnicity of said horse (if that’s a thing), and which race she likely decided upon. Did I mention she was blindfolded? She was blindfolded.

On the other hand, “The Twitter” has shown on several occasions that it can serve as more than a battleground for our petty arguments, and can actually be used as a tool to unite people from opposite ends of the planet over a given cause. Although it failed in the end, Twitter was almost solely responsible for giving Mark Hunt the opportunity of a lifetime, or bringing Tim Sylvia back to the UFC to dominate 85% of the promotion’s heavyweights like we all know he would (I mean, have you even seen his workout regimen?).

And one thing that the collective minds of Twitter seemed to reach an agreement on was that UFC 149, to put it professionally, sucked major donkey dick (see how I brought that all together? I’m less a writer, more a prophet). So in order to bid what will ultimately go down as one of the most disappointing main cards in UFC history adieu, we’ve collected some of the funniest tweets from around the Twittersphere, some from actual fighters, others from random jagoffs with the simple ability to hashtag UFC 149 after their comment, for your viewing pleasure. Enjoy.

In one final outburst of senseless violence, the UFC 149 Injury Curse claimed multiple victims on fight night, before receding back to the haunted ground that spawned it. We already mentioned that Tim Boetsch broke his foot during the second round of his fight against Hector Lombard, and yesterday Urijah Faber confirmed that he broke a rib during his main event meeting with Renan Barao. The California Kid tweeted out the x-ray above, writing “Congrats 2 @RenanBaraoUFC. He’s a tough dude. Broke my rib in the 1st with a great knee. Thank u 4 all the support.”

So if you were wondering why Boetsch wasn’t quite as active as you expected him to be on Saturday, or why Faber consistently looked a half-step behind his Brazilian opponent, blame the broken bones. And if you were wondering why Cheick Kongo‘s bout with Shawn Jordan turned out to be a hopelessly dull clinching-competition, there’s a similar explanation for that too…

(Matt Riddle: So cool that he can make fun of British people while paying tribute to them at the same time.) 

To put it as politely as possible, UFC 149 was a pessimist’s utopia (not to mention an ad-libbers). Cheick Kongo brought the same lackluster gameplan into his fight with Shawn Jordan as he did against guys like Paul Buentello, Matt Mitrione, and Travis Browne, more or less proving that Frank Mir made good on his promise to “change Kongo as a fighter” back at UFC 107. Personally, I was not around to catch the abortion of a “fight” that was Lombard/Boetsch live, but my heart goes out to those of you who were. Lombard’s performance was so outright bizarre that if he were to come out with a Rampage Jackson-esque conspiracy theory about Canadians poisoning his food in the next couple of days, I would be inclined to believe him.

But amidst all of the despair, the dreck, and the gloom, there was one man who simply refused to be held down: Matt f*cking Riddle. Perhaps no one defies the pessimistic nature of many, if not most, MMA fans in the online community more than Riddle, who has shown a willingness to throw a winning gameplan aside for the sake of the fans entertainment on several occasions. Wide-eyed and perpetually grinning throughout nearly all of his fights, Riddle most closely resembles this generation’s Chris Lytle, and his balls to the wall performance against Chris Clements undoubtedly proved that, win or lose, he is main card material.

But greater than his sunny disposition, greater even than the split second securing of that arm-triangle choke in the third round, was the hilarious rant he delivered at the UFC 149 post-fight press conference. When asked why he wanted a piece of Dan Hardy by a reporter, Dana White made a halfhearted joke about the fact that Riddle hated British people, totally unaware of the Spicolian jeremiad that was about to follow.

A video of Riddle’s call out, along with Hardy’s response, awaits you after the jump. 

(Fight starts at the 20-second mark. Props: msn.foxsports.com)

In seven seconds, Ryan Jimmo went from being “one of the most boring fighters in the world” to the greatest celebration-dancer since Jamie Varner. Also, he tied the UFC’s official record for fastest knockout thanks to his one-punch demolition of Anthony Perosh at UFC 149. As Dana White explained at the post-fight press conference, “It probably would have been the fastest knockout in UFC history, but the ref was far away from the action, and it took him so long to get there…[The fight is] actually stopped when the ref touches and stops the fight. So if the ref was in position…[Jimmo] probably would have gotten the fastest knockout.” Meanwhile, Duane Ludwig’s unofficial knockout record continues to be absolutely meaningless.

Jimmo’s dramatic UFC debut actually made it onto SportsCenter’s Top 10 Plays that night, where it was likely beaten out by at least one guy catching a fucking baseball. Sadly, the clip above doesn’t include the complete robot-dance that Jimmo did immediately following the knockout. You can see a gif of it after the jump, courtesy of caposa.

Fact: You had a 63% better chance of seeing a fight at a Calgary Flames game than you did at UFC 149, according to a study I made up for this caption. Props: The Calgary Sun

When I first sat down to write this aftermath, I wrote five paragraphs of a Jim Cornette rant about how dreadful the main card of UFC 149 was to sit through. Even the most jaded UFC fan boys – the types who comment “Its fights stop complaneing ur not real UFC fan if u dont liek this TapouT tribal tatz NEVER BACK DOWN!!!!!” on YouTube videos of Jacob Volkmann vs. Antonio Mckee- would be hard-pressed to say that UFC 149 was worth watching, let alone paying for. Then I realized that that wouldn’t be fair. Not because a longwinded rant about boredom isn’t a fair assessment of the main card, but rather it isn’t fair to the fans to force them to relive the lowest of the low points from last night. We can all agree that the less that is written about the main card, the better.

So in that spirit, I give you the first ever Cage Potato Fill-In-The-Blank aftermath. Simply pick one of the applicable fighters listed below and plug his name into the blanks. The result will be a mostly accurate analysis of both his performance last night and the future ramifications brought on by it. Enjoy.

Applicable Fighters*: James Head, Brian Ebersole, Cheick Kongo, Shawn Jordan, Tim Boetsch**, Hector Lombard.

I know that the Polly Pessimists and Debby Downers who make up the MMA media are often too hard on fighters, but in this case it’s well deserved: The performance of __________ at last night’s UFC 149 absolutely sucked. He let a golden opportunity slip through his fingers, and seemed perfectly content with this while doing so. If last night was a first date with a perfect ten, then he showed up in sweatpants, took her to Whataburger and then asked for gas money on the ride home.

(I have nothing funny to say about the Faber/Barao face-off, but oh man, does Shawn Jordan look like the human embodiment of a penis crawling back up inside a body or what? / Photos via the UFC 149 weigh-in gallery on MMAFighting.com.)

Tonight’s UFC 149 card in Calgary will answer several burning questions. For instance, can Urijah Faber keep his spot as the #1 bantamweight contender — and earn a relatively meaningless interim title belt in the process — or will the red-hot Renan Barao-Rao bump him out of line? Will Hector Lombard‘s trail of destruction continue in the Octagon, or is redneck judo the antidote to actual judo? (Sub-question: If Lombard wins, will his post-fight interview be awkward as hell?) And how many points will Cheick Kongo be docked during his fight with rookie Shawn Jordan? Excited yet? No? Well fucking get excited, okay?

Live round-by-round results from the “Faber vs. Barao” PPV main card will be piling up after the jump starting at 10 p.m. ET, courtesy of defending liveblog champion Anthony Gannon. Refresh the page every few minutes for all the latest, and whenever you see something ill, type “Whoa” in the comments section.

(We’re going ((win)) streaking!!) 

By Dan “Get Off Me” George

Grab your cowboy hats and pack up your saddles my fellow CP readers, because this weekend we are headed to the home of the world famous Calgary Stampede, Calgary, Alberta, Canada for UFC 149 Barao vs Faber! From a wagering standpoint, this card is pretty much a prime example of why bookies offer MMA betting lines, as this card is chock full of close fights and odds that will surely entice the gambling public as well as crush the majority of parlays, all the while raking in money for the house.

Luckily for you (or not), we do not have to go on the cuff for this card, as those who followed UFC 148’s GAE were rewarded with a 4 team parlay that paid out 7 to 1 at the window. All betting odds are courtesy of BestFightOdds.com, so join me as I try to offer some insight on how to go after plus units on Saturday’s upcoming card.

Bryan Caraway (-190) vs. Mitch Gagnon (+175)

Both fighters have strong submission skills, but I believe Caraway is the favorite because the majority of the public believe “Kid Lighting” is the better submission fighter out of the two. At around -200, Caraway should have what it takes to out-grapple his Canadian counterpart and find a way to win this fight. This may be stretching my psychic abilities to the max, but upon victory, I expect Caraway to announce that he is undergoing a sex change, signing with Strikeforce, and challenging Ronda Rousey to a “loser leaves town” match at 135 lbs. Any takers?

(Live UFC 149 weigh-in video, via YouTube.com/UFC. First fighter steps on the scale at 6 p.m. ET / 3 p.m. PT.)

- Keep Sending Us Your Fighter Run-In Stories for Next Week’s Roundtable! (CP)

- A Conversation With Paul Daley: From British Boxing to Bellator (MMAFighting)

- Jon Jones Says “Disrespectful” Dan Henderson Has Given Him New Motivation (BleacherReport/MMA)

- Former UFC Fighter Sherman Pendergarst Loses Battle With Cancer (MMAJunkie)

- EXCLUSIVE: Dana White Fight Day Video Interview (HeavyMMA)

- UFC’s Jonathan Brookins Tells Us That Bellator Is Suing Him and He Isn’t a Fan of Bjorn Rebney (MiddleEasy)

- Alan Belcher Hopes Belfort, Weidman Willing To Exchange In Near Future (Fightline)

- Tito Ortiz Had Knee Surgery Before Fight With Forrest Griffin (FiveOuncesofPain)

- Train Like an Olympic Judoka (MensFitness)

- Video: Australian Track and Field Hurdle Hottie Michelle Jenneke’s Warm-Up Dance (MMAMania)

- Joaquin Phoenix Licks Window Panes in the Full Trailer for ‘The Master’ (FilmDrunk)

- The Funniest Masturbation Arrests of All Time (WorldWideInterweb)

- The Gentlemen’s Guide to Tattoos (MadeMan)

(All he needs are some tasty waves and a cool buzz, and he will kill anybody who tries to get in his way. / Photo via Sherdog)

In honor of Urijah Faber‘s interim bantamweight title bid at UFC 149, we thought it would be a good time to give the California Kid some love, through the magical medium of MMA GIFs. Check ‘em out some of our favorite Faber moments after the jump, and let us know if you think he’ll be picking up a new belt this weekend — or if he’ll go out in a blaze of glory.

(Props: YouTube.com via IronForgesIron)

The UFC’s summer schedule marches on this Saturday with UFC 149: Faber vs. Barao, the promotion’s injury-ravaged Calgary debut. Here’s the full-length video trailer for the event, which is especially worth watching if you’re not too familiar with Renan Barao, the Brazilian bantamweight on the 28-fight win streak who’s battling Urijah Faber in the main event. Barao is the kind of deadly-from-all-positions phenom who seems destined for a major title someday, and collecting the interim bantamweight strap with a big win over the California Kid would be a star-making moment for the Nova União product.

Later in the preview, the UFC introduces y’all newbs to Hector Lombard, but unfortunately they can’t show any of his stunning Bellator knockouts, so we have to settle for training footage and subtitled English. He’ll be facing Tim Boetsch, who says he’ll be next in line for the middleweight title after he finishes Lombard. (Sorry bro, Weidman already called dibs.)

Finally, we get a look at injury replacement Shawn Jordan, who trainer Greg Jackson calls “one of the most athletic heavyweights I’ve ever seen in my life.” For proof, check out the backflip he does at 7:23. Jordan is riding back-to-back second-round stoppage wins against Lavar Johnson in Strikeforce and Oli Thompson in his UFC debut. But is veteran striker Cheick Kongo too much, too soon? And are you guys going to buy this card or what? Shoot us your UFC 149 thoughts in the comments section.

(From L-R: Claude Patrick, political kiss of death Dana White, Brian Ebersole)

Is this kind of thing even newsworthy anymore? The UFC 149 injury curse has gone from eerie to apocalyptic to as dependable as the rising sun. The latest victim: Canadian welterweight Claude Patrick, who has pulled out of his bout with James Head due to an undisclosed injury. Patrick will be replaced on less than three weeks’ notice by chest-hair artist Brian Ebersole, who just increased his UFC record to 4-0 with a decision win over TJ Waldburger at UFC on FX: Maynard vs. Guida last month. Coincidentally, Ebersole also holds a win over Claude Patrick, in a split-decision at UFC 140.

The latest withdrawal pushes UFC 149′s injury body-count to nine: Yoshihiro Akiyama, Thiago Silva, Thiago Alves, Michael Bisping, Jose Aldo, Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira, George Roop, Siyar Bahadurzada, and now Claude Patrick. If you include fighters who were moved off the card when their opponents came down with injuries (Mauricio Rua, Erik Koch), we’ve entered double-digit territory in terms of lineup changes. To paraphrase Tom Wright, the UFC’s director of operations for Canada, shit happens.

UFC 149 goes down July 21st at Scotiabank Saddledome in Calgary. Urijah Faber vs. Renano Barao is still the headliner, and Hector Lombard vs. Tim Boetsch is still the co-main event. We’ll let you know as soon as that changes.

We don’t have an easy way to break this to you, so we’ll just come out and say it: Afghan knockout artist Siyar Bahadurzada has been sent to live with our friend who owns a farm upstate. He’ll be able to frolic in an open field to his heart’s desire, and he’ll have plenty of friends to play with. Because of this, he won’t be fighting at UFC 149 against Chris Clements.

Just kidding, he’s out with an undisclosed injury. What, you actually believed your parents when they told you your dog was living on a farm upstate? That’s adorable.

(These UFC 149 posters may be getting a little grim, but at least their marketing department is being honest for once.) 

*Sigh*

At this point, UFC 149 is kind of like my dog, Zeus. You see, Zeus is one old-ass beagle, whose wrinkled, saggy countenance most closely resembles a wet bag of laundry or an old wicker chair dipped in mayonnaise. Zeus is so old, in fact, that he often trips over his testicles when shuffling his way across the room for a drink of water, or to bark at the ice cream truck as it makes its rounds. But just a few years ago, Zeus was a prime specimen, a real Westminster worthy creature. And as sad as it is to watch him basically devolve from Earl to Baby Sinclair, if you will, I have neither the heart nor the desire to place his fate in my hands and simply put him out of his misery. Plus, who in their right mind would deprive themselves of the endless entertainment that a dog tripping over it’s own testicles provides?

But where I am weak, the UFC brass needs to be strong. If they do not cancel UFC 149 right here and now and give the swindled saps who actually purchased a ticket to this event a full refund, then something terrible is going to happen. I can feel it, like Devon Sawa could feel that Volée Airlines Flight 180 was going to explode, or people with bum knees can feel when it’s going to rain. First it was Sexyama. Then it was Silva. Then Koch. Then Aldo. Then Bisping and even Big Nog. And now, it is being reported that George Roop has been forced to withdraw from his scheduled contest with Antonio Carvalho.

(Props: YouTube.com/AdamCarolla)

Unless you’re a devoted fan of Adam Carolla, you probably didn’t know that the famed TV/radio personality and podcaster got his start in the entertainment business after being hired as a boxing coach for Jimmy Kimmel back in 1994. Seriously. Before Loveline, The Man Show, The Celebrity Apprentice, and all the rest, Carolla was just a smart-assed carpenter who knew how to throw hands.

Urijah Faber was the guest for today’s installment of The Adam Carolla Show, which gave the two a chance to get in a focus-mitt session — with Carolla offering the California Kid some advice on his punching technique — ending in some mildly awkward shadow-boxing. With Faber’s UFC 149 headlining bout against Renan “The Streak” Barao scheduled for July 21st in Calgary, every advantage counts, right?

(As Dennis Reynolds once said, “I’m not gonna take no for an answer, because I just refuse to do that. Because I’m a winner, and winners… we don’t listen to words like ‘no,’ or ‘don’t,’ or ‘STOP!”) 

Either our math is a little off, or Alistair Overeem has literally gotten so strong that he can both fly and alter the very fabric of time using the power of his centrifugal forces. Because, according to a recent tweet sent out by “The Reem,” the former Dream and Strikeforce heavyweight champion will be back in action this December, despite the fact that he received a nine month suspension just under two months ago:

Well at least he gave you fair warning, Amish communities of Florida.

As he was told in his April hearing, the earliest Alistair could reapply for his license would be December 27th, meaning that the earliest he could compete would be in the UFC’s always loaded New Year’s Eve card, exactly one year after he demolished Brock Lesnar at UFC 141.

“I have no problem with you competing like this, but first you’re going to have to trim those bangs.”

There’s nothing funny about the ‘Injury Curse‘ that’s been pillaging the UFC 149 card of talent, and for once our piss-poor writing isn’t to blame. Last night Sherdog.com broke the news (and what was left of our hearts) that Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira has not fully recovered from the broken arm he suffered courtesy of a Frank Mir kimura back at UFC 140.

Some might say it was wishful thinking when we prematurely celebrated how quickly “Minotauro” was healing; others might say it was a slow news day and that a short video helped fill the void. Either way, Dr. Frankenstein is running low on corpses and won’t be able to swap out Big Nog’s arm in time for his July 21^st duel with the rule breaking hard hitting Cheick Kongo.

Details on Kongo’s opponent and how this card stacks up in the ‘Injury Card Hall Of Fame’ after the jump.

(Fernandes came down with a sudden case of “wandering into Stockton by accident and getting his fuckin’ ass beat.”)

UPDATE, 11:46 a.m. ET: And now, Bibiano Fernandes is denying that he signed with the UFC in the first place. Huh…

How powerful is the 2012 UFC Injury Curse? It’s now attacking fighters who have just signed with the promotion. One week after DREAM bantamweight champ Bibiano Fernandes was inked to face Roland Delorme in his Octagon debut at UFC 149 (July 21st, Calgary), Bibi has withdrawn due to an injury suffered in training. Delorme is expected to remain on the UFC 149 card, against an opponent to be named later.

One big name who won’t be sticking around is Erik Koch, the featherweight contender who was originally slated to challenge for Jose Aldo’s belt at the event. Instead of taking a fight against a late-replacement, MMA Weekly reports that Koch will withdraw from the card and wait for Aldo to recover. Aldo reportedly suffered a thigh strain while preparing for the fight, and won’t be out for an extended period of time. But since Koch hasn’t competed since his decision win over Jonathan Brookins last September, he might be looking at a total layoff of a year or more — not an ideal situation when you’re heading into your first title fight.

Any guesses on who the UFC Injury Curse will strike next? You have to figure that at some point It will run out of fighters to ruin and move on to peripheral figures like ring girls and announcers. Please, please be careful with that thing, Bruce…

For the last time, Joe: One of these guys is a fictional character and the other one has a shoulder injury.

At this point, do we even need to update our most cursed MMA events of all time list to include UFC 149? Calling this card “injury plagued” is as brilliant of an observation as saying that airline food is typically not of high quality. For those of you who have lost track of the fighters who have pulled out of bouts on this card due to injury, allow me to quickly refresh your memory: Vitor Belfort, Thiago Silva, Thiago Alves, and Michael Bisping.

And now you can add UFC featherweight champion Jose Aldo to that list as well.

Man, this ain’t even funny anymore. After a brutal two-week period that saw the injury withdrawals of Vitor Belfort, Chad Griggs, Thiago Silva, Jon Fitch, Thiago Alves, and Brian Stann (as well as supporting players like Pablo Garza and Edwin Figueroa), news broke late last night that UFC middleweight star Michael Bisping is out of his meeting with Tim Boetsch at UFC 149 (July 21st, Calgary) due to an undisclosed injury.

Boetsch will remain on the “Aldo vs. Koch” main card against Hector Lombard, who was scheduled to make his Octagon debut at UFC on FOX 4 two weeks later until Brian Stann pulled out with a dinged shoulder. Lombard vs. Boetsch should be a hell of a brawl — unless losing two weeks of preparation throws the former Bellator champ off his game. Who ya got on that one?

With Lombard off of the UFC on FOX 4 lineup, the August 4th event has picked up a brand new main event…

(Well if you’re trying to give yourself a hernia and a dislocated jaw, then by all means, keep doing what you’re doing.)

As if the loss of one high-profile Thiago wasn’t bad enough, UFC 149 (July 21st; Calgary, Alberta, Canada) is now short two Thiagos, with welterweight Thiago Alves having to withdraw due to an undisclosed injury.

Replacing him in his scheduled match against Afghan knockout-machine Siyar Bahadurzada will be Canadian striker Chris Clements, the MMA record-holder who out-pointed Keith Wisniewski in his Octagon debut at UFC 145. (Fun fact: Bahadurzada was himself a replacement for Yoshihiro Akiyama against Alves. And round and round it goes.)

Based on the way that Bahadurzada smoked Paulo Thiago in his own UFC debut back in April, we have a feeling that Clements could be in deep do-doo here. And speaking of potential mismatches…

(Photographic proof that Mayhem Miller stole his idea to give C.B. Dollaway a noogie just moments before doing so.) 

Call it “The Curse of the 140′s,” because it appears that yet another big fight in what has been a goat rope of a month in MMA matchmaking has been scratched from the books. Those of you expecting a sure-to-be-slugfest between former UFC light heavyweight champion Mauricio “Shogun” Rua and noted brawler Thiago Silva at UFC 149 are going to be more disappointed than a CagePotato contest winner, because word broke this morning that Thiago Silva has been forced to withdraw from his co-main event matchup due to a back injury. Go fucking figure. At this point, it seems the only thing that can save Silva’s spine from shattering into a million pieces would be the back brace that Sweet Dee Reynolds wore to her high school reunion. Or perhaps he just needs to find the David Dunn to his Mr. Glass.

But fret not, Potato Nation, for every shit-filled tunnel has a light at the end of it. In Silva’s absence, the UFC has called upon fellow Brazilian slugger Glover Teixeira to step up and fill the void. Here’s where things get a little muddy, so to speak. It was initially reported, by none other than Dana White, that Shogun had apparently turned down the fight. Here’s what he told MMAJunkie:

With Thiago hurt, we turned to Glover and asked him to go right back in to fight ‘Shogun’ at UFC 149. But ‘Shogun’s’ people are adamantly refusing to take the fight. They want nothing to do with Glover.

Shogun’ wants nothing to do with Glover. But that’s the fight Lorenzo and I are trying to put together.

According to members of Shogun’s camp, however, White’s claims are just a bunch of profanity-ridden malarkey, as they had not even been made aware of the fact that Silva was injured, let alone of a potential replacement.

(We’re sorry, Tom, but it’s just not the same. Photo courtesy of MMAMania.)

Just a couple of hours ago, the UFC held a press conference in Shaw Court, Alberta, Canada, to promote UFC 149: Jose Aldo vs. Some Guy (it’s a joke, take it easy), which is expected to transpire on July 21st from Scotiabank Saddledome in Calgary, Alberta, Canada. Surprisingly absent from the conference was that of UFC President Dana White, who was in turn replaced by Director of Operations for UFC Canada, Tom Wright. Also absent was a hearty supply of French fries and gravy for the fighters involved, which was a real shame in our opinion.

In the co-main event of the evening, the most hated wanted man in the middleweight division, Michael Bisping, will square off against hard nosed slugger Tim Boetsch. Also expected for UFC 149 will be Antonio Rodrigo’s Nogueria’s return to the octagon for the first time since Frank Mir went all Paul Harris on his arm, the difference between their UFC 140 scrap and the average Paul Harris fight being that Nog waited until after Mir broke his arm to tap, not the other way around. Anyway, Big Nog will be squaring off against the inconsistent but always dangerous Cheick Kongo, who is coming off a knockout loss at the hands of Mark Hunt at UFC 144.

Check out the full video and lineup after the jump. 

Talk about stepping in a turd and turning it into gold. Word broke late last night that Yoshihiro Akiyama suffered an undisclosed injury that has forced him out of his upcoming UFC 149 bout with Thiago Alves. To say that the MMA blogosphere entered a brief yet hysterical state of mourning upon hearing this news would be an understatement…until we found out that Afghanistan-born power puncher Siyar Bahadurzada would be stepping in as his replacement. Then there was much rejoicing.

Bahadurzada is coming off a quick and brutal first round knockout of Paulo Thiago at UFC on FUEL 2, the first stoppage loss of Thiago’s career. The win instantly put the welterweight division on notice, and a victory over Alves would further cement Bahadurzada’s status amongst the division’s elite. To be fair, Alves has been struggling a bit as of late, sandwiching a first round submission win over Papy Abedi at UFC 138 between a decision loss to Rick Story at UFC 130 and a most recent submission loss to Martin Kampmann at UFC on FX 2. Despite the fact that “Pitbull” seemed on his way to a clear cut decision victory in that fight, an ill-timed takedown at the end of the third round provided Kampmann all the leeway he would need to snatch up a fight-ending guillotine choke.

Alves should not have to fear the submission prowess of Bahadurzada coming into this one, as two of his four losses have come by way of submission — the most recent of which was a first round heel hook to Jorge Santiago at Sengoku – Sixth Battle back in 2008. What we’re saying is, expect a brawl, Potato Nation, because what appeared to be a decent scrap at first glance has now been updated to an early candidate for Fight of the Night and/or Knockout of the Night.

Speaking of injury replacements…

(No, I did not buy this belt at Wal-Mart as a joke. Who the hell would do that?) 

After being forced out of his originally anticipated debut match against Karlos Vemola back in January due to a last minute injury, Maximum Fighting Championship Light-Heavyweight king and CP guest blogger Ryan Jimmo finally has a date set for his UFC debut. July 21st, at UFC 149 in Calgary. Since dropping his first professional contest to Adam Braidwood in February of 2007, Jimmo has gone 16 fights in a row without a blemish, most recently outpointing (emphasis on the “point” aspect) UFC veteran Rameau Thierry Sokoudjou in October of 2011. Jimmo also holds notable victories over Wilson Gouveia, Marvin Eastman, and Jesse Forbes. He also does one hell of a robot.

(Rua slugs Dan Henderson during their epic bout in November. / Photo courtesy of Heavy)

A matchup between Mauricio “Shogun” Rua and Thiago Silva is likely for July 21st’s UFC 149 event in Calgary, according to a new report on MMA Junkie. UFC president Dana White tweeted yesterday that the two light-heavyweight strikers would face one another, but didn’t confirm the date or venue.

Silva is coming off of a one-year suspension and a decision loss to Alexander Gustafsson. Winless since his 2009 knockout of Keith Jardine, Silva’s contract may very well be on the line here. Shogun’s last bout, a five-round war/decision loss to Dan Henderson, was widely considered to be the greatest fight in MMA history until this past weekend.

(Fun fact: Nogueira’s body is composed mainly of replacement parts from grave-robbed corpses.)

UFC 149 (July 21st, Calgary) is picking up some heavyweight muscle in the form of Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira vs. Cheick Kongo. The Calgary Sun first reported the matchup, adding that the event will likely be headlined by the Jon Jones vs. Dan Henderson light-heavyweight title fight.

Big Nog is coming off his gruesome kimura loss to Frank Mir at UFC 140 in December, a defeat that had many fans and pundits pleading for the legend’s retirement. Following that fight, Nogueira said he expected to return within nine months. Just seven months later, he’ll be taking one more kick at the cat against a tough striker in Kongo, who ate a first-round TKO loss against Mark Hunt in his last outing. Still, you can’t count either of these guys out (see: Nog vs. Schaub, Kongo vs. Barry). Are you happy to see Nogueira back in the Octagon? And who do you think will be left standing?

In other booking news…