(Tomax, meet Xamot. Photo via Getty Images.)

Look, we know we’ve been declaring a lot of things to be “ironic” around here lately, but this…this is just ridiculous.

On yesterday’s edition of UFC Tonight, Ariel Helwani revealed that middleweight contender and prestigious member of the citizenry, Sir Michael of Bisping — the very same who once scribed that a certain dullard from Mississippi had “given himself a career-threatening eye-strain by watching too much internet porn” — has suffered an identical deformation. Even worse, the injury came as a result of a tussle with the very same dullard whom “The Count” both rebuked for said addiction to thinking machine-based lewdness and nearly blinded in the very same contest.

In common folk speak, we are trying to say that Michael Bisping suffered a detached retina during the very same UFC 159 fight in which he nearly took Alan Belcher’s right eye home with him. And that is ironic.

“After the fight against Alan Belcher, Michael Bisping completely lost all peripheral vision in his right eye,” Ariel Helwani reported yesterday. “He went to see an eye on doctor on Tuesday and he found out that he had a detached retina. On Thursday, he had surgery to fix the detached retina. He’s hoping to return to the UFC in October.”

No word yet on whether or not Bisping will be interested in a potential catchweight fight with Rich Franklin when he returns, but we will keep you updated.

-J. Jones

(“We both see the green goblin dancing in the corner of the room, right Ariel?” Photo via MMAFighting.)

Without beating the dead horse that is the marijuana in MMA debate any further, it’s safe to say that Pat Healy’s positive test for marijuana following his UFC 159 win over Jim Miller was, at the very least, a costly mistake. The same can be said for Nate Diaz‘s response to the situation, albeit for entirely different reasons. But being the relatively straightforward guy that Healy is, he was quick to admit to his mistake in a recent interview with MMAFighting:

I wish I could go back in time and slap myself. It was a dumb thing to do. 

It was about three and a half, four weeks out. I was at a friend’s birthday party, just hanging out. To be honest I didn’t even think it would be an issue, you know? It was a huge mistake and I just didn’t even think.

While Healy’s admission of guilt is a bit of fresh air in today’s “take no responsibility” MMA landscape, we’re kind of left wishing he had been managed by Mike Kogan, if only so we could learn about how marijuana in the state of Oregon, which is where Healy is from, is considered an off-brand form of Advil.

As for all the controversy that spilled out of Healy’s positive test in the form of Bryan Caraway?

(“And you tell Anderson that if he wants the true middleweight belt, he can ask me nicely and I will have it back by lunch!” Photo via Getty Images.)

When asked by MMA Heat’s Karyn Bryant about the likelihood of a potential fight with Wanderlei Silva next, Chael P. Sonnen recently stated the following (emphasis mine):

I’m not looking for it anymore, I don’t like to bully guys. I tried to fight him, he doesn’t want to fight. I’m not gonna stick a finger in a guy’s chest. If a guy says ‘no,’ I’m not gonna be a jerk about it. 

We shit you not, that quote (not the caption one, that’s fake and you damn well know it) came directly from the mouth of Chael P. Sonnen. As in the Chael P. Sonnen who once threatened to smack Anderson Silva’s wife on the ass. As in the Chael P. Sonnen who once declared that Lance Armstrong gave himself cancer through PED use (which to be fair, he got the PED part right). As in the Chael P. Sonnen who called Wanderlei Silva a “dirtbag” some three weeks ago when challenging him to a fight in the first place.

Either Jon Jones succeeded where Anderson Silva failed and managed to actually beat some humility into “The American Gangster” or Wandy’s threat to “suck his blood” was just a little too far outside the comfort zone of his Christian, conservative-Republican background to tolerate. Or Wandy has been offered the fight, turned it down, and is pulling another prank on us. Or Joe Silva dropped his cell phone in the toilet and hasn’t had access to the Internet since April.

Whatever the case may be, we suddenly, like, really need to see this fight. So touche, Chael. Tou-fuckin’-che.

-J. Jones 

(A stern anti-marijuana crusader hand-in-hand with the marijuana king of Oakland? Looks like Martin Scorsese just found his next screenplay. Photo via Esther Lin/MMA Fighting)

There’s really not much more that can be said about Pat Healy’s — or really, any other fighter’s — positive test for marijuana and subsequent suspension/fines. As insane as it is that we live in a world where marijuana usage often carries a higher penalty for MMA fighters than that of steroids, it’s also a rule that every fighter understands the moment they become an employee of the UFC. Simply put, if you’re not smart enough to understand exactly how long marijuana metabolites stay in your system prior to a fight, you pretty much deserve what’s coming to you. It’s the reason I picked a line of work that literally allows me to blow bong hits at my computer screen while writing this. Not that I am — as with alcohol, I don’t believe in smoking before noon. On weekdays.

That’s not to say that we relish whenever a fighter is busted for marijuana, in fact it’s usually quite the opposite. In the case of Healy, he had the biggest (and possibly most exciting) win of his career negated and over 100k in bonus money revoked because he liked to kick back with a little Wildwood Weed after a day of getting his ass kicked. It’s a better excuse than most of us have, but don’t expect the man who received his revoked $65,000 “Submission of the Night” bonus, Bryan Caraway, to offer him any sympathy. In an interview with MMAJunkie, Caraway shot from the hip when discussing his feelings for all of us you dirty, pot-smoking degenerates:

I couldn’t be more happy, and it was an insanely pleasant surprise

All I’ve got to say is that’s some expensive weed. I like Healy a lot. I came up through the fighting ranks with him. We used to train together at Team Quest. I love the guy. But I have absolutely zero remorse or guilt.

I hate weed. I cannot stand it. I’ve never tried it. I’ve never smoked a drug in my life. So I have absolutely zero tolerance for people that do it. I don’t care if it’s legal in some places or not. I think it’s absolutely ridiculous. Whether it’s legal in real life or not, they tell you to follow the rules. You need to follow the rules.

(Short version: We’re going to pretend this fight never happened, just like we’re going to pretend marijuana is a performance-enhancing drug. / Photo via MMAFighting.com)

The greatest night of Pat Healy‘s career has been retroactively changed to some old bullshit. Following his fantastic rear-naked choke victory over Jim Miller last month at UFC 159 — which earned Healy Fight of the Night and Submission of the Night awards totaling $130,000 — “Bam Bam” failed his drug test, coming up positive for marijuana. As a result, Healy’s win has been changed to a no-contest, he’s been suspended from competition from 90 days, and he’s being forced to return the aforementioned $130k in bonus money and his $5,000 win bonus.

Healy confirmed the news in an official statement:

“I would like to start off by apologizing to the UFC, Jim Miller, the MMA community, it’s fans, my family, teammates and coaches for my positive testing for marijuana after my UFC 159 fight with Jim Miller. I was fully aware of the UFC and State Commission’s drug policies and made poor life choices. I stand behind the UFC and the State Commission’s disciplinary actions. I support efforts to make MMA and sports a clean, safe and fair place to compete…

(Jon…erg…just hear me out…*duff*…if we make it to round 2 *duff**duff*…I promise you no less than 20 thousand more buys. Jon?) 

At first glance, the pay-per-view numbers that just came in for UFC 159 don’t seem all that terrible. Truth be told, it would be near impossible to declare the event’s 550,000 estimated buys anything less than a success. However, when you realize that the sole reason the fight was booked in the first place was to cash in on the Chael Sonnen circus act, that 500k kind of pales in comparison to the 925,000 UFC 148 pulled in. In fact, it’s pretty much in line with the average Jon Jones-headlined pay-per-view, save his 700k-earning fight with Rashad Evans at UFC 145. MMAFighting’s Dave Meltzer reports:

Preliminary estimates for UFC 159, headlined by Jon Jones’ successful light heavyweight title defense against Chael Sonnen, indicate pay-per-view buys coming in between 520,000 and 550,000.

There was hope for bigger numbers in the days after the fight, due to the strong ratings of UFC 159 shoulder programming. The weigh-ins were the second-highest rated since Fuel began airing. The event also drew the highest ratings for post-fight coverage of a pay-per-view on Fuel. Prelim match ratings on FX were 32 percent above average.

The number would be the company’s second largest of 2013, trailing UFC 158, with Georges St-Pierre vs. Nick Diaz, but ahead of the now No. 3 event of the year, UFC 157, headlined by Ronda Rousey vs. Liz Carmouche.

So yeah, the event was a success by most standards, yet it only managed to pull in 70,000 more buys that Jones’ UFC 140 title defense against Lyoto Machida, who Jones once begrudgingly referred to as “my lowest pay-per-view draw of the year.” For some reason, this image seems to sum things up nicely.

(Once Bisping sees Franklin’s Harlem Shake call out video, this shit will be on like Donkey Kong.) 

In a recent interview with MMAWeekly, former middleweight champion Rich Franklin dispelled rumors that he would be retiring following his brutal knockout loss to Cung Le at UFC on FUEL 6 and stated that he would in fact like to face outspoken middleweight contender Michael Bisping next, possibly even at one of those catchweights he loves so much:

I look at my Twitter and a lot of people talk about (Michael) Bisping. That would be an exciting fight and something the fans would want to see. I’m an exciting fighter, he’s an exciting fighter, and we both like to throw down. Since my ultimate goal is not to go back and capture the 185-pound title, it doesn’t really matter to me if it’s at 185 or a catchweight or 205. Wherever the UFC needed me, I would fight, as long as the fight made sense. 

While this matchup does possess some novelty value and the potential to secure an end-of-the-night bonus at the very least (not unlike Franklin’s pairing against Forrest Griffin at UFC 126), it would also represent a significant regression in the title aspirations of Bisping. Considering Franklin has no intentions of fighting for a title in the future, let alone the one controlled by the incubus of his neverending nightmares, agreeing to the fight would in its own way represent a Michael Bisping who has potentially reached the same realization. Which would be kind of sad, because honestly, a humbled Bisping is a boring Bisping.

Then again, if we’ve learned anything in the past few months, it’s that wins are wins regardless of weight class. If Bisping were to accept the fight, he might do so under the belief that a win over a post-prime but still dangerous legend like Franklin would do more for his career than a win over the likes of say, another Alan Belcher. In either case, would you be interested in seeing this fight come to fruition?

Vote in our poll after the jump and make your case in the comments section. 

(‘Tis but a scratch.)

Despite initial assumptions that Jon Jones suffered a compound fracture of his left big toe during his UFC 159 title defense against Chael Sonnen, the injury was later determined to be a dislocation. (You know, kind of like how Miesha Tate didn’t actually get her arm snapped in half by Ronda Rousey, despite all visual evidence to the contrary.) Dr. Robert Klapper, Chief Orthopedic Surgeon at Cedars-Sinai Hospital, appeared on yesterday’s installment of UFC Tonight to explain Jones’s injury, and give his insight on the recovery process, which doesn’t sound so bad, considering how ugly things looked on Saturday.

“The rehab involves, number one, you put [the toe] back into place,” Klapper said. “Line it up again. Wash out the joint because there’s lots of bad bacteria on that mat, and you need to make sure there’s no infection. The rehabilitation is just let things scar down, which they will. Because there’s no fracture of the bone — it’s just a dislocation — in six weeks it’s healed, then you start range of motion and strengthening. Back to fighting, six to eight weeks.”

Alright, so Bones is out of action for two months, tops, which means that Lyoto Machida’s proposed #1 contender bout against Alexander Gustafsson might not be necessary after all. Condolences, Lyoto.

(Cheick Kongo had never seen Deliverance before, yet in that moment, he somehow knew what was coming. Photo courtesy of Getty Images.) 

We know, we know, it’s probably not a good idea to solely base someone’s employment status with the UFC on the existence of their UFC.com profile, but speculation is the hamster that keeps the wheels of intellectual transcendance and creative spontaneity spinning here at CagePotato. That, and a shitload of coke. For the hamster.

Aaaaanyway, word was passed along this morning that longtime heavyweight contender Cheick Kongo no longer has a fighter profile on UFC.com, which can only mean one thing in today’s UFC economy: BANISHMENT.

In all honesty, anyone who noticed how much money Kongo was making even in defeat probably could’ve seen this coming. His legendary come-from-behind KO over Pat Barry aside, Kongo has looked like a shell of himself ever since Frank Mir made good on his promise to change him as a fighter at UFC 107. Once a feared striker, the Frenchman seemed like a fish who had intentionally leaped out of water in his pair of grappling-heavy snoozer decisions over Matt Mitrione and Shawn Jordan, the latter of which we dubbed the worst fight of 2012. Kongo would find no relief in his once-adored striking game, either, suffering two first round knockout losses (to Mark Hunt and Roy Nelson at UFC 144 and 159, respectively) in his past three contests.

While it would be easy to take pot shots at a guy who has subtly threatened us with physical violence before, we are going to take the high road here. So join us after the jump for look back at some of Kongo’s greatest hits.

(Props: YouTube.com/fueltv)

It takes more than two consecutive ass-kickings to keep a good Gangster down. As I [*cough cough*] PREDICTED, Chael Sonnen has no plans to retire following his recent title-fight loss to Jon Jones, and the American Gangster even has a name in mind for his rebound fight: Wanderlei Silva.

Bruised but in high spirits, Sonnen returned to the UFC Tonight studios yesterday where he discussed the experience of fighting Jones (“like getting into a bear cage”), the slightly-controversial stoppage (Sonnen says he was still defending himself when the referee stepped in), and the prospect of winning the light-heavyweight championship on a toe-related technicality (“I’d have walked out of there to the boos…and I’d never look back!”).

Later in the segment, Kenny Florian asked Sonnen the question on everyone’s mind — is this the end for our hero? Sonnen had this to say…

(Lyoto sees that you see what he did there, and will not let it affect his afternoon beverage of choice.) 

Whenever one of my boxer-pilates-yogacise students approach me about dropping my bi-weekly class at the Y because it is “too intense” or “too racist” or “makes no Goddamn sense,” my answer is always the same: “Give it a fortnight, young grasshopper, then decide. Also, can I borrow some bus fare?” Because a lot can change in a couple weeks, simply put, and I wouldn’t want any of my students saying something they regretted and earning an eternal enemy in the process.

At the bare minimum, it’s a philosophy that former light heavyweight champion Lyoto Machida can appreciate. Because roughly two weeks ago, “The Dragon” stated through his management that it “didn’t make sense” for him to fight the #2-ranked contender Alexander Gustafsson despite being called out by him, what with a guaranteed rematch with Jon Jones looming on the horizon and all.

Unfortunately for Machida, Jones is going to spend the next 6 months recovering from the toecapitation he suffered against Chael Sonnen last weekend, and has stated that he would prefer to face Gustafsson when he returns from his layoff. And wouldn’t you know it, Machida has suddenly changed his tune on the whole Gustafsson issue, but only because Jones is injured, we assure you.

A video of Machida’s post-being-called-out callout of Gustafsson is after the jump. 

(High-fEYEve! Photo courtesy of Getty Images.) 

In the weeks leading up to his battle with Alan Belcher at UFC 159, we noticed that Michael Bisping appeared to be even more irked than usual – which is saying something when you’re talking about a guy whose rage often exceeds the physical limitations of his human vessel – and hypothesized that “The Count” might just be the kind of fighter who needs anger as a motivator. Bisping has admitted it himself and famed hacker Jerry Rips has since passed along audio proof.

But after taking a gander over the UFC 159 salaries, which were released by The New Jersey State Athletic Commission (via MMA-Manifesto) over the weekend, one begins to wonder just what the hell Bisping is so angry at these days. Either the “grudge match” angle is the only one he knows how to play or the $275,000 to show/$150,000 to win rate he is currently receiving is being stolen out from under him, because with that payday, you think he’d be all smiles.

Bisping’s $425k is just one of many head-scratchers that the UFC 159 salary list has to offer, so join us after the jump for a full rundown of the payout and a few totally unbiased observations.

(Photo via @alanbelcherufc)

As we mentioned yesterday, Alan Belcher is currently recovering from the nasty eye-poke he received from Michael Bisping at UFC 159, and had to receive eight stitches in his right eyelid — which sounds like he got off easy when you consider how absolutely awful that thing looked on Saturday. (I was bracing myself for a gruesome spray of half-and-half.) No word yet on a timetable for Belcher’s return to competition; let’s just hope this isn’t a career-ender.

Previously: MMA Photo Tribute: 16 Seriously Messed-Up Eyes

For a card that featured a nearly-severed toe and two technical decisions due to eye-pokes, hearing the voice of Satan during the UFC 159 broadcast fit in perfectly with the “Cursed” theme of the night. That eerie, disembodied voice — which seemed to say “Jerry Rips!”, whatever that means — popped up twice (if I recall correctly), most notably during the Bisping/Belcher fight. The next day, a YouTube user calling itself Jerry Rips uploaded this compilation of strange audio from the event, some of which you heard and some of which you definitely weren’t supposed to hear.

Did this Jerry Rips fellow hack into the event audio, and has he released this video as a showcase of his work? And what does Jerry Rips want from us? Should I sacrifice a dog to to His Dark Name just in case? Because I’m totally prepared to sacrifice a dog at this point. Check out the video above before it gets inevitably pulled. Here’s the rundown, from the video description:

00:00 – Hot mic catches event staff calling UFC gay
00:59 – Don’t boo Sara McMann
01:12 – ELBOWS
01:38 – Same event staff give their thoughts on chick fights
01:59 – Sheila Gaff flashing in the cage
02:02 – Michael Bisping hypes himself up backstage, talks shit on Belcher
02:33 – Bisping doesn’t want any fucking water
02:42 – Don’t make eye contact with Johnny Cash
03:00 – Jerry Rips debuts
03:06 – Jon Jones prays for unfair advantage before his fight
03:53 – Greg Jackson talks to Jon after the fight
04:27 – Jon Jones notices his broken toe

(Photo courtesy of Getty Images)

If there’s anything positive for Alan Belcher to take away from his loss to Michael Bisping in the co-main event of last night’s UFC 159, it’s that he was right about Bisping being unable to knock him out. Bisping had plenty of opportunities to do so throughout the fight, yet Belcher was too resilient of an opponent. Unfortunately, that’s right about where the positive notes end. Bisping not only outstruck Belcher by a considerable margin throughout their fight, but also avoided all of Belcher’s takedowns. Simply put, Belcher didn’t have any answers for Bisping’s jab-n-jog offense.

And then there was the eye poke that ended up stopping the fight, awarding Michael Bisping the technical decision victory. It was a disappointing way to end an otherwise decent scrap – especially considering Belcher’s previous troubles with that eye. Fortunately, Belcher has since tweeted that he is doing okay.

Perhaps the strangest thing about the eye poke is that this fight wasn’t the only bout on the card to end in technical decision due to an eye poke. Earlier in the evening, the light heavyweight bout between Ovince St. Preux and Gian Villante also ended when St. Preux inadvertently poked Villante in the eye. St. Preaux walked away with a technical majority decision victory. Kind of makes a case for changing the design of MMA gloves.

Elsewhere on the card…

(Video from UFC’s Youtube page)

UFC 159 proved wrong those who said light heavyweight champion Jon Jones would not face adversity before the night was over. The champion did indeed face pain and difficulty Saturday night – it just came after his main event title defense against Chael Sonnen, not during it.

Jones appeared to have no trouble at all taking down Sonnen three times in under a round and then bloodying and stopping the challenger. He celebrated with coaches, smiled wide and even threw in a little show-boating shadow kickboxing right before television analyst Joe Rogan interviewed him.

That’s when Jones, his belt once more fastened around his waist, looked down and first saw that his left big toe was mangled, broken and, perhaps falling off of his foot. The visage of his disgustingly broken toe (photos after the jump) seemed to shock, disturb and nauseate “Bones” but he got a stool, gritted his teeth and soldiered through the interview while doctors worked on the nasty crap going on below the camera’s frame.

As the adrenaline wore off and he saw the damage done, Jones must have begun to feel the pain. He might miss his planned Jamaican vacation, he said, but dammed if Jones wouldn’t go above and beyond with his press duties. Before the fight, idiots in the media criticized Jones for wanting to fight more than wanting to talk (gasp) in the days leading up to UFC 159.

As the night came to a close, however, Jones showed one more way that he could out-Sonnen, Sonnen. You can wrestle, Chael? Fine. I can do it better.

You can talk, Chael? Sure. So can I, and right after whooping you and with a bone sticking out of my foot.

Gross photos after the jump.

Yep. (Photo courtesy of Getty Images.)

It’s almost unfair to write about the light-heavyweight title fight between Jon Jones and Chael Sonnen from last night’s UFC 159 right now, since we won’t know whether or not this fight delivered what it was supposed to for a long time. I’m not writing about the way that Jon Jones effortlessly defeated Chael Sonnen; we knew Sonnen was absolutely no threat to the light-heavyweight kingpin. I’m not writing about how Jones completely ignored his vastly superior striking and ridiculous reach advantage in order defeat “the gangster from West Linn” by impersonating him; we sort-of predicted that Jones would clown his way through this fight. We knew that the main event was going to deliver a lopsided beat-down. It’s yet to be seen how – or even if – the marketability of Jon Jones will benefit as a result.

That being said, it’s hard to expect the superfight we never asked for to have much of an effect on the way that fans perceive Jones. I didn’t think it was possible to feel as apathetic about a first round knockout as I felt after last night’s main event. Judging by the comments I’ve read on our liveblog, I’m hardly alone here. When it was over, the match felt more like a bad professional wrestling storyline than a UFC pay-per-view main event, and the outcome felt just as forced.

(Good. Now that Chael knows what it feels like to make contact with Jon Jones, let’s get this execution over with. / Photo via MMAJunkie)

There’s not much to say about Jon Jones vs. Chael Sonnen at this point, other than the fact that Jones will be tying Tito Ortiz’s record for light-heavyweight title defenses (5) tonight, and Danga has already written Chael’s retirement rap. Luckily, UFC 159 features some legitimate fights as well, from Jim Miller meeting his taller, skinner doppelganger, to Roy Nelson meeting his polar opposite. Plus: Michael Bisping faces off against some retard from Mississippi (his words, not ours!), and Vinny Magalhaes tangles with Phil Davis.

Handling liveblog duties for this evening is Alex Giardini, who will be delivering round-by-round results from the “Jones vs. Sonnen” main card after the jump beginning at 10 p.m. ET / 7 p.m. PT. Refresh the page every few minutes for all the latest, and let us know what’s on your mind in the comments section.

Photo courtesy of Sherdog.com.

We’re just hours away from UFC 159, yet an update has just been made to the card. After missing weight and subsequently forfeiting 20% of his purse, welterweight Nick Catone has been hospitalized for dehydration brought on by his weight cut. As a result, the scheduled fight between Nick Catone and James Head has been canceled.

The announcement was made by the UFC through a press release issued earlier this morning.

Due to the last second nature of the fight cancellation, James Head will not be offered a replacement opponent. He will, however, receive his show money for the event.

Catone vs. Head was set to take place during the Facebook preliminary card. That portion of the card will now only feature the featherweight scraps of Steven Siler vs. Kurt Holobaugh and Leonard Garcia vs. Cody McKenzie.

@SethFalvo

(“Each of us has the same quantity of the most precious commodity in the world… time. Except for you, Jon Jones, you’ve only got a few more hours left on the ticker than Daniel Cormier’s nutritionist.” I’m Pic Props: BleacherReport.com/MMA)

By Jason Moles

Since August 2012, Chael P. Sonnen has been pining for a fight with Jon Jones. In that time, Sonnen named a pizza after the UFC light heavyweight champion, wrote him a poem, and rendered masterful performances of his soliloquies at every turn along the way.

Considering we live in a tech-crazed world, it’s no surprise that the beef between the two UFC standouts spilled over into social media. Because Twitter was invented with MMA in mind, it was the perfect place for this feud to play out, with hundreds of thousands of fans hanging on every word. It is there that the “bad guy” ratcheted up the intensity of his verbal assault on Jones, moving from his running commentary on the young champ’s latest headlines to putting “Bones’” title reign on the clock. Here’s what the countdown looks like, via @SonnenCH:

30 – the days left until the fall of your champion and the rise of the DARKSIDE #UFC159 #4/27/13

29 – the year AD in which King Dionysius died and was succeed by Spartacus. 29 days and I too take what is rightfully mine #UFC159 #4/27/13

(Props: YouTube.com/UFC)

Now that we’ve told you what to think about tomorrow night’s fights, it’s time to watch the competitors hit the scale, and laugh at them if anybody misses weight. Will Michael Bisping angrily point at Alan Belcher while swearing at him? (Yes.) Will Chael Sonnen leave Bones hanging again? (Probably not.) Does Sara McMann need a Band-Aid? (Wait for it.) Because her abs are friggin’ cut. (BOOM.) Watch the UFC 159 weigh-in action in the player above starting at 4 p.m. ET / 1 p.m. PT, and take a peek after the jump for full results, which will be updated immediately afterwards.

(Damn, a Penn State alum *and* a blue belt under Lloyd Irvin? This is not looking good, Phil…) 

I’m no The Mentalist (although I often get confused for him on the street. YOU DON’T KNOW.), but I always saw light heavyweight contender Phil Davis as a kind of introverted, dare I say “nerdy” guy who happens to be a freakishly gifted athlete. Despite the fact that he, you know, chokes dudes unconscious for a living, “Mr. Wonderful” always came off (to me, at least) as a guy who was ultimately harmless when he wasn’t locked in a cage with a dude trying to beat him within an inch of his life.

Well once again, it appears that I don’t know shit about shit. Just one day out from his UFC 159 battle with Vinny Magalhaes, Davis not only finds himself in the middle of a custody battle over his child, but refuting allegations of “crazy brutality, including violent sex” that said child’s mother believes stemmed from his martial arts career. TMZ reports:

According to legal docs — obtained by TMZ — Vantris Patterson claims Davis body slammed her on a couch with such force … when the couch slid into the wall paint came off. And Patterson says, Davis — aka Mr. Wonderful — would often choke her during intercourse, and when she’d plead with him to stop he’d respond, “Shut the f*** up, bitch.” She says Davis has threatened to kill her numerous times if she ever slept with another man.

Now here’s the hook — Patterson claims Davis’ alleged propensity for violence has escalated because of his involvement in the UFC.  She says, “I am afraid that the numerous fights have negatively impacted his mental stability,” and she can’t defend herself because of his “increased strength and attacking ability.”

And if you think that’s crazy, just wait until you hear the allegations Davis lobbed back at Patterson in response…

(“How ’bout we say ‘triangle choke, round 2.’ I’ve got a t-shirt riding on this.” / Photo via MMAFighting.com)

With UFC 159 slated for tomorrow night, CagePotato founding editor Ben Goldstein and beloved CP staff writer Jared Jones have teamed up to argue about all the important themes surrounding the event. So how will the absurd light-heavyweight title fight end, exactly? What will happen if Alan Belcher actually lets Michael Bisping take a free shot to his face? Can the third women’s UFC fight possibly live up to the first two? How many more fights can Leonard Garcia lose before the UFC gives him the ol’ heave-ho? Read on, and throw down your own opinions in the comments section.

Will Jon Jones immediately demolish Chael Sonnen, or will he play around with Chael a little before demolishing him? And will Chael retire after the loss?

BG: I rarely make sweeping statements about who will win an MMA fight because 1) anything can happen in this crazy sport, and 2) the things you write on the Internet often come back to haunt you. But yes, Jon Jones will win this fight. I absolutely guarantee it. Sonnen’s best weapon — his relentless wrestling attack — will dash apart against Jones’s own wrestling, which is precision-tuned for the sport of MMA. Quickly out of options, Chael will throw his patented “I give up” spinning backfist, fall down against the cage, and will whisper a quick prayer to his God before Jones literally eats him and shits him out. And I do mean literally, okay? Literally.

I’m leaning towards a quick beat-down in this fight rather than an extended clowning, because Jones takes his job too seriously to “play around” with an opponent. (He’s not exactly Mr. Fun, we’ve noticed.) And once Chael feels the power of a large light-heavyweight, he’ll realize what a bad idea this whole thing was in the first place. To exit the sport directly after another humiliation wouldn’t fit in with Sonnen’s blustery self-image, so I think he’ll take at least one more fight — maybe at middleweight, maybe at light-heavyweight — before calling it quits. Once he starts losing to non-champions, he’ll wisely make the switch to full-time UFC talking head and occasional hair-texture tester.

JJ: Mark my words, this fight will be Jon Jones’s UFC 97 (or UFC 112, depending on which fight you thought was worse). Jones may not be a fun-loving guy, as you stated, but it also appears that the tryptophan-induced honeymoon between these two TUF coaches has passed, leaving behind only apathy in its wake. If you’ve noticed in the past, the foes “Bones knows” on a personal level seem to last the longest in the cage with him (Rampage, Rashad) — perhaps out of respect, perhaps because they are both tough as hell — so I think we should start preparing ourselves for a tepid, five-round affair highlighted by Bones’s jab and Sonnen’s desperate attempts to convert a single leg.

And when all is said and done, Sonnen will snatch the mic out of Joe Rogan’s hand, and in an attempt to mimic [enter professional wrestler name here]’s infamous retirement speech, will announce that, and I quote:

If there’s one thing that Michael Bisping knows how to do, it’s convincingly sell each and every one of his fights as a “grudge match.” If there’s a second thing Michael Bisping knows how to do, it’s make a bunch of promises about said fights that he has no intention of following through with. Set to face Alan Belcher at UFC 159 this weekend, Bisping has already made sure to check both of those items off his list. First, he promised fans that he will knock Belcher out in the first round — something he has promised ad nauseum over the years yet hasn’t actually done since 2008 — and at today’s UFC 159 presser, he successfully convinced us that his fight with Belcher really is a grudge match. Touche, Mee-kale.

Granted, Bisping is facing a guy who has been calling him out for years now, but it’s starting to seem like Bisping needs to hate the guy he’s fighting in order to get motivated — commonly known as The Diaz Initiative. There’s nothing wrong with that, but if Bisping was truly confident that he could finish Belcher so easily, wouldn’t it have been nice to see him actually take Belcher and Wallace Gilberry up on their bet? Knocking out Belcher would be impressive, sure, but knocking him out and costing his buddy a $300,000 Rolls Royce? That is walking away from an explosion in slow-mo and not looking back levels of cool. 

In either case, Bisping and Belcher made sure to get the shit-talking started early at today’s presser, and we’ve thrown the video above for your enjoyment. So check it out, then let us know how many times you think Bisping will point at Belcher’s face and scream “You’re dead!” come weigh-in time. He seems to enjoy doing that.

-J. Jones

(We’d start getting *real* used to that desk if we were you, Chael.)

By Dan “Get Off Me” George

It’s finally happening, Potato Nation. Jon Jones vs. Chael Sonnen a.k.a “the fight fans have been asking for” is set to go down this Saturday from the Prudential Center in Newark, New Jersey. Although many fans have focused on the chemistry (or lack thereof) between Chael and Jon as reason enough to pass on this pay-per-view event, UFC 159 will be offering a solid card of competitive fights which on paper may make it a sleeper that you won’t want to miss.

So join us as we continue to contribute to the Save Danga’s Legs Fund (he’s almost better, but he likes the nurse visits) by highlighting where to place your money on a few undercard and all of the main card bouts. All betting lines courtesy of BestFightOdds.

Undercard bouts:

Steven Siler (-120) vs. Kurt Holobaugh (+100)

Steven Siler comes in at around -130 for his fifth UFC appearance and will improve his Octagon record to 4-1 should he emerge victorious against the debuting Strikeforce veteran in Holobaugh. In his last outing, Siler was tarred and feathered by Darren Elkins‘ wrestling and was unable to take control of the fight for any sustained period of time. As an underdog who has only tasted defeat once in his career (a decision loss to Pat Healy), Holobaugh at even money or better is a solid choice. Kurt fights like a veteran and showed he can hang with some of the best in the world while dominating anything less than that caliber. Coming out of the Gracie Barra gym, Holobaugh will be too tough for Siler to submit and will put Super’s stand up game to the test with his own excellent striking. Holobaugh for the slight upset win.

(And just like that, the inspiration for Mean Street Hair Care & Boutique was born.) 

For a dead man walking, Chael Sonnen sure seems to be enjoying the hell out of his final days on death row. The UFC’s favorite hypeman appeared on ESPN’s flagship program, Sportscenter, just hours ago to plug his upcoming public execution at UFC 159 and appeared to be channeling the great Bobby Knight during his brief interview, leaving Sportscenter anchor (and all around fox) Sage Steele grasping at straws in attempt to steer things in any other direction but that of a complete farce. She tried, dammit.

The segment began in typical Sonnen-fashion – interrupting/patronizing the interviewer, throwing a couple WWE-esque threats at Jones, arms, charms, rinse, repeat — but quickly took a turn for what people in the television industry refer to as “What-the-fucks-ville” after Sonnen promised to put Bones “on his ass” on live television. Sure, it was a pretty mild offense given the current spectrum of television, but the remark incurred the subtle wrath of Steele nonetheless. But if there’s one thing Chael P. Sonnen doesn’t understand, it’s subtlety. And being that Chael is mere days away from being beaten into a coma at best, he figured he might as well check off one last item from his bucket list: feeling an African American woman’s hair. It was a weird moment for everyone involved.

Video after the jump. 

(Goyito and Kim Winslow: One sword-swallower short of a freak-show. / Photo via Gary A. Vasquez-USA TODAY Sports)

Seems like it’s been a while since we’ve had a good-old-fashioned staph outbreak in the world of MMA. The latest victim of the nasty bacterial infection is Erik “Goyito” Perez, the bantamweight up-and-comer who was slated to face TUF 14 vet Johnny Bedford on the UFC 159: Jones vs. Sonnen prelims this Saturday in Newark. Perez, who holds a 3-0 UFC record with all wins by first-round stoppage, was hospitalized over the weekend with a severe staph infection in his leg. No word yet on a timetable for Perez’s return; let’s just hope his infection hasn’t reached Randleman or McFedries levels of grossness.

Replacing Perez on less than a week’s notice is Team Alpha Male’s Bryan Caraway, who’s coming off a split-decision loss to Takeya Mizugaki at UFC on FUEL 8 in March. Miesha’s boyfriend will need to come correct against Bedford, who’s officially 2-0 in the UFC with both wins by KO/TKO. So will Caraway follow in the footsteps of his teammates’ recent success, thanks to the addition of striking coach Duane Ludwig? And will you care enough to watch it?

(Props: fueltv via MMAConvert)

Going head-to-head against UFC promo king Chael Sonnen would be a tall order for anybody — but you’d think that Jon Jones would at least try to make it competitive. In case you missed it, here’s Jon and Chael’s interview segment from the TUF 17 Finale broadcast, in which Jones acts like a 15-year-old whose weed stash was just discovered by his stepdad. The first words out of Jones’s mouth are a slurred jumble of Ortizian proportions. He can’t stop swinging his arms. He won’t make direct eye contact. He refuses to address Sonnen — who continues his carnival-barking, undeterred — even though this segment was specifically arranged to generate interest in their UFC 159 fight in two weeks. As David Letterman might say, “Jon, I’m sorry you couldn’t be here tonight.”

This clip unfortunately leaves off the very end, in which Jones sulks off stage left at his first opportunity, while Sonnen remains standing next to Jon Anik; Jones may still be the light-heavyweight ruler of the Octagon, but Sonnen has rightfully claimed his territory in front of the camera. We’ll give Jon the benefit of the doubt and say he was trying to come off as intensely focused, instead of bored, or pissed off, or half-drunk. Either way, it was a missed opportunity to spark some more fan-interest in a fight that is completely uninteresting from a competitive standpoint. That’s no way to get some fans, bro.

(Props: YouTube.com/UFC)

The extended trailer to UFC 159 is an interesting case study. On one hand, it reminds us that at the very least, watching Jon Jones defend his belt against Chael Sonnen will be an entertaining experience. And that’s important, considering the match was seemingly made only with entertainment value in mind. As a light-heavyweight title contender, Sonnen is about as undeserving as it gets, but according to UFC president Dana White (as quoted in the video by Jones), the fans really want this fight. Now, we all know that’s bullshit; I don’t think anybody reacted to the Jones/Sonnen booking with anything other than utter bafflement. Still, it’s a fun fight, right? Right?

Here’s the problem: The UFC 159 video preview does nothing to suggest that the fight will actually be competitive. In fact, it gives more credence to the theory that Jones vs. Sonnen will be a total blowout. Did you know that Jon Jones has never been taken down in his UFC career? (Meaning, Sonnen will have a very tough time executing his only real pathway to victory, even if he is the self-proclaimed “best MMA wrestler in the world.”) Another fun fact: Jon Jones owns the most submission victories in the history of the UFC light-heavyweight division, while Sonnen has already been submitted four times in the Octagon. I mean, besides his takedowns and his trash-talk, tapping out is one of the main things that Chael is known for. As Bones puts it:

(“Are you not entertained?” Rest assured, Mike, we most certainly are. / Photo via Getty Images)

Jack Brown has been turning out consistently interesting question and answer sessions for our friends over at MixedMartialArts.com recently and his latest, with Michael Bisping, is definitely worth a read. Brown has the British superstar discuss everything from past opponents and performances, to his childhood and his own young family.

For the most part, Bisping seems to open himself up, remove himself from his usual shtick, ie. the finest in British dickishness, and reveal himself as interesting. There is one particular moment in the conversation that Bisping becomes the Mike we’ve all grown to love, ie. the finest in British dickishness.

No, we’re not talking about when Bisping continues to bash the man – Vitor Belfort – who just crushed him with ease, as a “boring bastard.” That’s funny, Michael, because your head kick KO loss to Belfort was pretty exciting to watch for everyone else…

In any case, the part of Brown’s excellent interview with Bisping that stands out the most is when the middleweight discusses his next opponent, Alan Belcher. Apparently not aware that Belcher has a better record at middleweight than he, and that Bisping himself has lost two out of his last three while Belcher has won four out of his last five fights, the Brit does not think his American foe is any good.

Belcher is so horrible, in fact, that Bisping already knows who he will blame should he lose to him. No, he won’t blame himself – that would be too easy and make too much sense.

“If I lose, there is something seriously wrong. I’ve told my coaches that if I don’t win, you’re all f__ing fired because you’re doing something wrong,” Bisping said.