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Six Other Seth Rogen/James Franco Films That Should’ve Been Canceled

Tag: UFC 159

Lyoto Machida Would Like to Fight Alexander Gustafsson Now, If That’s Still Cool


(Lyoto sees that you see what he did there, and will not let it affect his afternoon beverage of choice.) 

Whenever one of my boxer-pilates-yogacise students approach me about dropping my bi-weekly class at the Y because it is “too intense” or “too racist” or “makes no Goddamn sense,” my answer is always the same: “Give it a fortnight, young grasshopper, then decide. Also, can I borrow some bus fare?” Because a lot can change in a couple weeks, simply put, and I wouldn’t want any of my students saying something they regretted and earning an eternal enemy in the process.

At the bare minimum, it’s a philosophy that former light heavyweight champion Lyoto Machida can appreciate. Because roughly two weeks ago, “The Dragon” stated through his management that it “didn’t make sense” for him to fight the #2-ranked contender Alexander Gustafsson despite being called out by him, what with a guaranteed rematch with Jon Jones looming on the horizon and all.

Unfortunately for Machida, Jones is going to spend the next 6 months recovering from the toecapitation he suffered against Chael Sonnen last weekend, and has stated that he would prefer to face Gustafsson when he returns from his layoff. And wouldn’t you know it, Machida has suddenly changed his tune on the whole Gustafsson issue, but only because Jones is injured, we assure you.

A video of Machida’s post-being-called-out callout of Gustafsson is after the jump. 

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UFC 159 Salaries: The Case Against Michael Bisping’s Ceaseless Rage


(High-fEYEve! Photo courtesy of Getty Images.) 

In the weeks leading up to his battle with Alan Belcher at UFC 159, we noticed that Michael Bisping appeared to be even more irked than usual – which is saying something when you’re talking about a guy whose rage often exceeds the physical limitations of his human vessel – and hypothesized that “The Count” might just be the kind of fighter who needs anger as a motivator. Bisping has admitted it himself and famed hacker Jerry Rips has since passed along audio proof.

But after taking a gander over the UFC 159 salaries, which were released by The New Jersey State Athletic Commission (via MMA-Manifesto) over the weekend, one begins to wonder just what the hell Bisping is so angry at these days. Either the “grudge match” angle is the only one he knows how to play or the $275,000 to show/$150,000 to win rate he is currently receiving is being stolen out from under him, because with that payday, you think he’d be all smiles.

Bisping’s $425k is just one of many head-scratchers that the UFC 159 salary list has to offer, so join us after the jump for a full rundown of the payout and a few totally unbiased observations.

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Photo: Alan Belcher’s Eyeball Is Doing Just Fine, Relatively Speaking


(Photo via @alanbelcherufc)

As we mentioned yesterday, Alan Belcher is currently recovering from the nasty eye-poke he received from Michael Bisping at UFC 159, and had to receive eight stitches in his right eyelid — which sounds like he got off easy when you consider how absolutely awful that thing looked on Saturday. (I was bracing myself for a gruesome spray of half-and-half.) No word yet on a timetable for Belcher’s return to competition; let’s just hope this isn’t a career-ender.

Previously: MMA Photo Tribute: 16 Seriously Messed-Up Eyes

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“JERRY RIPS!”, Dumbass Event Staff, And More Things You Weren’t Supposed to Hear at UFC 159

For a card that featured a nearly-severed toe and two technical decisions due to eye-pokes, hearing the voice of Satan during the UFC 159 broadcast fit in perfectly with the “Cursed” theme of the night. That eerie, disembodied voice — which seemed to say “Jerry Rips!”, whatever that means — popped up twice (if I recall correctly), most notably during the Bisping/Belcher fight. The next day, a YouTube user calling itself Jerry Rips uploaded this compilation of strange audio from the event, some of which you heard and some of which you definitely weren’t supposed to hear.

Did this Jerry Rips fellow hack into the event audio, and has he released this video as a showcase of his work? And what does Jerry Rips want from us? Should I sacrifice a dog to to His Dark Name just in case? Because I’m totally prepared to sacrifice a dog at this point. Check out the video above before it gets inevitably pulled. Here’s the rundown, from the video description:

00:00 – Hot mic catches event staff calling UFC gay
00:59 – Don’t boo Sara McMann
01:12 – ELBOWS
01:38 – Same event staff give their thoughts on chick fights
01:59 – Sheila Gaff flashing in the cage
02:02 – Michael Bisping hypes himself up backstage, talks shit on Belcher
02:33 – Bisping doesn’t want any fucking water
02:42 – Don’t make eye contact with Johnny Cash
03:00 – Jerry Rips debuts
03:06 – Jon Jones prays for unfair advantage before his fight
03:53 – Greg Jackson talks to Jon after the fight
04:27 – Jon Jones notices his broken toe

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UFC 159: Jones vs. Sonnen Aftermath, Part Two — These Tired Eyes


(Photo courtesy of Getty Images)

If there’s anything positive for Alan Belcher to take away from his loss to Michael Bisping in the co-main event of last night’s UFC 159, it’s that he was right about Bisping being unable to knock him out. Bisping had plenty of opportunities to do so throughout the fight, yet Belcher was too resilient of an opponent. Unfortunately, that’s right about where the positive notes end. Bisping not only outstruck Belcher by a considerable margin throughout their fight, but also avoided all of Belcher’s takedowns. Simply put, Belcher didn’t have any answers for Bisping’s jab-n-jog offense.

And then there was the eye poke that ended up stopping the fight, awarding Michael Bisping the technical decision victory. It was a disappointing way to end an otherwise decent scrap – especially considering Belcher’s previous troubles with that eye. Fortunately, Belcher has since tweeted that he is doing okay.

Perhaps the strangest thing about the eye poke is that this fight wasn’t the only bout on the card to end in technical decision due to an eye poke. Earlier in the evening, the light heavyweight bout between Ovince St. Preux and Gian Villante also ended when St. Preux inadvertently poked Villante in the eye. St. Preaux walked away with a technical majority decision victory. Kind of makes a case for changing the design of MMA gloves.

Elsewhere on the card…

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[VIDEO] Jon Jones Faces Adversity at UFC 159 — Looking at His Own, Disgusting, Broken Toe


(Video from UFC’s Youtube page)

UFC 159 proved wrong those who said light heavyweight champion Jon Jones would not face adversity before the night was over. The champion did indeed face pain and difficulty Saturday night – it just came after his main event title defense against Chael Sonnen, not during it.

Jones appeared to have no trouble at all taking down Sonnen three times in under a round and then bloodying and stopping the challenger. He celebrated with coaches, smiled wide and even threw in a little show-boating shadow kickboxing right before television analyst Joe Rogan interviewed him.

That’s when Jones, his belt once more fastened around his waist, looked down and first saw that his left big toe was mangled, broken and, perhaps falling off of his foot. The visage of his disgustingly broken toe (photos after the jump) seemed to shock, disturb and nauseate “Bones” but he got a stool, gritted his teeth and soldiered through the interview while doctors worked on the nasty crap going on below the camera’s frame.

As the adrenaline wore off and he saw the damage done, Jones must have begun to feel the pain. He might miss his planned Jamaican vacation, he said, but dammed if Jones wouldn’t go above and beyond with his press duties. Before the fight, idiots in the media criticized Jones for wanting to fight more than wanting to talk (gasp) in the days leading up to UFC 159.

As the night came to a close, however, Jones showed one more way that he could out-Sonnen, Sonnen. You can wrestle, Chael? Fine. I can do it better.

You can talk, Chael? Sure. So can I, and right after whooping you and with a bone sticking out of my foot.

Gross photos after the jump.

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UFC 159: Jones vs. Sonnen Aftermath, Part One — Jobber to the Stars


Yep. (Photo courtesy of Getty Images.)

It’s almost unfair to write about the light-heavyweight title fight between Jon Jones and Chael Sonnen from last night’s UFC 159 right now, since we won’t know whether or not this fight delivered what it was supposed to for a long time. I’m not writing about the way that Jon Jones effortlessly defeated Chael Sonnen; we knew Sonnen was absolutely no threat to the light-heavyweight kingpin. I’m not writing about how Jones completely ignored his vastly superior striking and ridiculous reach advantage in order defeat “the gangster from West Linn” by impersonating him; we sort-of predicted that Jones would clown his way through this fight. We knew that the main event was going to deliver a lopsided beat-down. It’s yet to be seen how – or even if – the marketability of Jon Jones will benefit as a result.

That being said, it’s hard to expect the superfight we never asked for to have much of an effect on the way that fans perceive Jones. I didn’t think it was possible to feel as apathetic about a first round knockout as I felt after last night’s main event. Judging by the comments I’ve read on our liveblog, I’m hardly alone here. When it was over, the match felt more like a bad professional wrestling storyline than a UFC pay-per-view main event, and the outcome felt just as forced.

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UFC 159: Jones vs. Sonnen — Live Results & Commentary


(Good. Now that Chael knows what it feels like to make contact with Jon Jones, let’s get this execution over with. / Photo via MMAJunkie)

There’s not much to say about Jon Jones vs. Chael Sonnen at this point, other than the fact that Jones will be tying Tito Ortiz’s record for light-heavyweight title defenses (5) tonight, and Danga has already written Chael’s retirement rap. Luckily, UFC 159 features some legitimate fights as well, from Jim Miller meeting his taller, skinner doppelganger, to Roy Nelson meeting his polar opposite. Plus: Michael Bisping faces off against some retard from Mississippi (his words, not ours!), and Vinny Magalhaes tangles with Phil Davis.

Handling liveblog duties for this evening is Alex Giardini, who will be delivering round-by-round results from the “Jones vs. Sonnen” main card after the jump beginning at 10 p.m. ET / 7 p.m. PT. Refresh the page every few minutes for all the latest, and let us know what’s on your mind in the comments section.

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Last Second UFC 159 Fight Cancellation: Nick Catone Hospitalized, Fight Against James Head Axed


Photo courtesy of Sherdog.com.

We’re just hours away from UFC 159, yet an update has just been made to the card. After missing weight and subsequently forfeiting 20% of his purse, welterweight Nick Catone has been hospitalized for dehydration brought on by his weight cut. As a result, the scheduled fight between Nick Catone and James Head has been canceled.

The announcement was made by the UFC through a press release issued earlier this morning.

Due to the last second nature of the fight cancellation, James Head will not be offered a replacement opponent. He will, however, receive his show money for the event.

Catone vs. Head was set to take place during the Facebook preliminary card. That portion of the card will now only feature the featherweight scraps of Steven Siler vs. Kurt Holobaugh and Leonard Garcia vs. Cody McKenzie.

@SethFalvo

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The Final Countdown: Chael Sonnen’s Last Attempt to Hype UFC 159 Main Event

(“Each of us has the same quantity of the most precious commodity in the world… time. Except for you, Jon Jones, you’ve only got a few more hours left on the ticker than Daniel Cormier’s nutritionist.” I’m Pic Props: BleacherReport.com/MMA)

By Jason Moles

Since August 2012, Chael P. Sonnen has been pining for a fight with Jon Jones. In that time, Sonnen named a pizza after the UFC light heavyweight champion, wrote him a poem, and rendered masterful performances of his soliloquies at every turn along the way.

Considering we live in a tech-crazed world, it’s no surprise that the beef between the two UFC standouts spilled over into social media. Because Twitter was invented with MMA in mind, it was the perfect place for this feud to play out, with hundreds of thousands of fans hanging on every word. It is there that the “bad guy” ratcheted up the intensity of his verbal assault on Jones, moving from his running commentary on the young champ’s latest headlines to putting “Bones’” title reign on the clock. Here’s what the countdown looks like, via @SonnenCH:

30 – the days left until the fall of your champion and the rise of the DARKSIDE #4/27/13

29 – the year AD in which King Dionysius died and was succeed by Spartacus. 29 days and I too take what is rightfully mine #4/27/13

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