Watch Steve Cofield’s video interview with Brandon Vera and see if you aren’t suddenly glad that “The Truth’s” formerly-overpaid ass is sticking around in the UFC.  The best part is when he addresses Matt Hamill’s post-fight celebration after knocking out Vera’s friend and training partner, Mark Munoz, at UFC 96.  Hamill caught some flack for acting like he just made a half-court shot worth a million bucks during halftime at a Laker game, when all the while his opponent was still crumpled in a motionless heap against the cage.

As Vera explains at the 3:30 mark, winning a fight in the UFC (particularly by bonus-worthy KO) is actually a lot like winning the lottery:

A slightly hungover-looking Miguel Torres showed up to co-host this week’s edition of ESPN’s "MMA Live," and despite looking like he wants to throw up a couple times he does a pretty good job.  I mean, he’s no Kenny Florian, but MMA’s best internet TV show is such that they can plug almost anyone into the fighter seat and Jon Anik and Franklin McNeil can carry them across the finish line.  Anyone, except Stephan Bonnar, who shows up midway through this episode to stare blankly and stumble through sentences like a robot that is running out of power.

One of the more interesting topics in this episode is whether the delay in the Brock Lesnar/Frank Mir heavyweight showdown helps or hurts Lesnar.  Given his relative inexperience with MMA (particularly the old submissions game, if you know what I mean), you might think that more time in the gym would only benefit the big man.  But Torres offers the fighter’s perspective, suggesting that what will really benefit him is getting in the cage as soon as possible and becoming a better fighter through experience.

What are your thoughts, Potato Nation?  Does this rescheduling give Lesnar more time to develop, or does it simply screw with his training schedule?

Props to UFC.com, MMAWeekly, Sherdog, and CombatLifestyle.

(I know, tons of words rhyme with Shane, but let’s think this through.)

There’s a discussion brewing in our forums right now, begun by user LuketheDuke, with the goal of finding a suitable nickname for UFC heavyweight Shane Carwin.  Luke is right, here.  Carwin doesn’t have a nickname (that we know of — maybe he’s keeping it a secret?), and after knocking out Gabriel Gonzaga and cracking the all-important top ten in the Cage Potato Power Rankings, the time is now.  

Trouble is, after looking through your forum posts I see that many of you are in love with the rhyming nickname.  This disappoints me.  As awesome as suggestions like Shane “The Great Dane” Carwin and Shane “You’ll Need a Cane” Carwin are, rhyming nicknames always seem forced.  Although at least T Rex rhymed the last name with his submission: Shane “Darwin” Carwin (since the dude is bringing survival of the fittest back to the UFC’s heavyweight division).  I like that.

The one person in the MMA world not criticizing Yves Lavigne for his refereeing decisions in UFC 96’s Matt Brown/Pete Sell bout is Pete Sell.  And that makes sense.  Just like Josh Koscheck asked all refs everywhere to let him get beaten into unconsciousness before stopping his fights, Sell also wants the opportunity to try and get back in the fight, even when it’s a really bad idea:

"I want always to be given the chance to fight back, not matter what," Sell said Tuesday. "I thought he did good with that. … I want any referee that judges the fight to always give me the benefit of the doubt that I’m always willing to fight."

But willingness to fight isn’t so much the issue.  It’s whether he’s capable of fighting intelligently, or whether he’s so dazed that he’s taking needless punishment.  The referee is there to make that decision because we don’t trust individual fighters – guys like Sell, whose tremendous heart could get him seriously hurt in such a situation – to make that decision for him.  

Lavigne failed in that task, and he knows it:

(Shane Carwin — one of the ten best heavyweights in the world. Photo courtesy of UFC.com)

In the wake of UFC 95, WEC 39, and UFC 96, we’ve tidied up the heavyweight, light-heavyweight, middleweight, welterweight, and featherweight top ten lists in our Power Rankings section. Some notable changes…

— Shane Carwin enters the heavyweight list at #9 after taking out his first Top 20 opponent in 69 seconds.

— Keith Jardine leaves the light-heavyweight list (temporarily, at least) after his loss to Quinton Jackson on Saturday. He may have beaten a post-peak Chuck Liddell and a pre-peak Forrest Griffin, but it’s unclear if he has what it takes to beat a high-level opponent when they’re at their best.

— Robbie Lawler and Jake Shields drop a spot due to inactivity. Not their fault, but whaddya gonna do. Luckily, their stints in Strikeforce begin soon.

— Josh Koscheck falls to #8 on the welterweight list after being upset by Paulo Thiago. Kos definitely still has the talent of a top-ten fighter — he’s just made some unfortunate choices.

— Jose Aldo ascends to #6 on the featherweight list after his fourth brutal stoppage win in the WEC.

Check ‘em out and let us know if you see things differently.

Unrelated, but important: Thanks so much for all your awesome nominations in our Best MMA Bars forum thread. We’re going to start compiling our list soon, so if you have any others to share, please let us know!

(Well, this sure didn’t help.  Photo courtesy of UFC.com)

After my meager success at WEC 39, I decided to up my wagers just a little with the hopes of getting my profits into double digits following UFC 96.  The results were…mixed.  Here’s how I did, in case you’re keeping score of my finances at home.

Bet: $50 on Shane Carwin at +140
Result: Won $70 profit
What I Learned: Plenty of you told me I was crazy for betting on a guy who was undefeated against bunch of scrubs.  One of you even claimed Gabriel Gonzaga would have beat Randy Couture if not for a headbutt.  But I went with my gut and profited.  So there.  Who’s the jackass now?  You are.  You’re the jackass.  I’m the guy with an extra seventy bucks in my pocket.  I’ll be at the strip club if you need me.

(The Buff clocks in to do a little work.  I don’t know about you guys, but I’m feeling kind of sexy.  I have no idea why.)

I’m sure you couldn’t tell from my post-party report, but I have to confess here that I am not a professional photographer.  I know, you had no idea, but it’s the truth.  The good news is that Combat Lifestyle’s Tracy Lee is a professional photographer and she was also at the party capturing all the action I missed, and doing so using a camera that was not the cheapest one she could find at Best Buy three years ago. 

To put it more succinctly, her photos are much better than mine.  Some of my personal favorites are after the jump, but you can head over to her UFC 96 pre-party gallery and see them all.

(You look sleepy, Gabe.  Maybe time to grab a quick nap?  Photo courtesy of UFC.com)

Who’s up and who’s down?  The Potato Index is here to tell you with our post-event wrap-up of arbitrary numerical rankings. 

“Rampage” Jackson +121

He won a fight he was supposed to win, even if it took him 2 2/3 rounds longer than many thought it would.  Jackson said he needed the work, and he looked good from start to finish.  But will he still be glad he went through rounds when he has to get back in the gym and prepare for Rashad Evans in two weeks?

Keith Jardine -15

“The Dean of Mean” fought hard and, if nothing else, proved his chin isn’t so suspect after all.  The guy has a lot of heart and he’ll fight anyone (except his Jackson camp buddies).  There’s always a place in the UFC for someone like that.

Shane Carwin +154

Didn’t we tell you this guy was a beast?  Gonzaga broke his nose in the opening seconds and it barely slowed Carwin down.  The knockout blow didn’t even seem like it had all his power behind it, but it didn’t matter.  Another first-round KO, and this time against a notable opponent.  This guy is headed for big things.

(Fight night Danavlog reveals that someone is a little self-conscious about his weight.)

The UFC paid out $762,000 in base fighter payroll for UFC 96 in Columbus, Ohio, and they dispersed this money according to their usual principles: from each according to his ability, to each according to his marketability.  Full disclosed payout figures are below.  For a more accurate accounting, imagine Rampage Jackson, Keith Jardine, and Matt Hamill all pocketing an extra $60,000 for their end of the night bonuses:

Quinton Jackson — $325,000 (includes $100,000 win bonus)
Keith Jardine — $55,000
Shane Carwin — $32,000 (includes $16,000 win bonus)
Gabriel Gonzaga: $60,000
Matt Brown — $16,000 (includes $8,000 win bonus)
Pete Sell — $12,000
Matt Hamill — $40,000 ($20,000 win bonus)
Mark Munoz — $12,000
Gray Maynard — $20,000 (includes $10,000 win bonus)
Jim Miller — $9,000
Tamdan McCrory — $20,000 (includes $10,000 win bonus)
Ryan Madigan — $3,000
Kendall Grove — $44,000 (includes $22,000 win bonus)
Jason Day — $5,000
Jason Brilz — $10,000 (includes $5,000 win bonus)
Tim Boetsch — $12,000
Brandon Vera — $60,000 (includes $30,000 win bonus)
Michael Patt — $5,000
Shane Nelson — $16,000 (includes $8,000 win bonus
Aaron Riley — $6,000

(‘Page vs. Keef. Props to MMALinker.)

After a wild, occasionally bizarre night of action which once again proved that weak-on-paper cards often turn out to be the most entertaining ones, the UFC released $60,000 end-of-night bonuses to UFC 96‘s standout fighters. Taking home the extra cash are…

Fight of the Night: Quinton Jackson and Keith Jardine, who put on a surprisingly competitive three-rounder in the main event; in fact, the fight was one of the few matches on the card that wasn’t a one-sided squash.

Knockout of the Night: Matt Hamill, obviously, for his Cro Coppian head-kick obliteration of Mark Munoz. 

Submission of the Night: No bonus was given out, even though Tamdan McCrory did technically make Ryan Madigan tap due to strikes. We’ll let you know if he decides to file a complaint with the athletic commission.

UFC 96 drew a very-impressive 17,033 spectators to Nationwide Arena, for a gate of $1.8 million. 

After the jump: The Hammer’s nasty KO, Carwin’s ownage of Napao, the Brown/Sell fiasco, and Kendall Grove’s job-saving beatdown of Jason Day.

(‘You…just ruined my vacation, Frank Mir.’)

Despite the heat generated by the post-fight face-off between "Rampage" Jackson and Rashad Evans, the proposed title bout for UFC 98 in May isn’t guaranteed just yet.  Dana White was upfront about the possibility that injury or simple fatigue could keep Jackson out of the fight, in which case Lyoto Machida would get the title shot.

Injuries or not, Rampage didn’t exactly sound thrilled about fighting again in just a little over two months.

"I want my belt back, but I got to talk to manager and talk some things though.  Then I’ll tell Dana what’s up," he said.

(Photo courtesy of Combat Lifestyle.)

It’s a lovely spring day in Columbus, Ohio and the streets of the Arena District are teeming with fans eager to find out, can Keith Jardine really continue his streak of ruining every good plan the UFC has, or will "Rampage" Jackson save him from the ethical quandary of a potential future title shot against his dear friend Rashad Evans?  We’ll be liveblogging all the action as it unfolds, so stick with us.  And when I say stick with us I really mean it.  God help me, if I find out you’re two-timing us with some other liveblog there will be hell to pay.

Before we get started, how about giving this a quick Digg.  It only takes a second, and you’ll feel better about yourself afterwards.  Remember to hit refresh often to keep up with the action.  We’ll get started any minute now…

(I know, Joe.  I have the same reaction when I get too close to the Cage Potato logo.)

It’s hard to be the Cage Potato sometimes.  Partying with MMA royalty like Forrest Griffin and Urijah Faber.  Drinking for free at an open bar while chicks in bikinis gyrate beneath a giant flashing sign that says “SEXY.”  Giving out free Hall of Fame t-shirts to the pleading masses.  Oh, wait a minute.  That isn’t hard.  That was just my Friday night.

If you can’t tell from the above paragraph, last night’s Fight Magazine/Cage Potato VIP Party was a complete success.  I arrived with an all-star blogging crew that featured Fightlinker’s Ryan Harkness and MMA Frenzy’s Kris Karkoski precisely at 8:30 pm.  It might seem a little lame of us to show up exactly when the party was scheduled to start, but in our defense: a) that’s when the open bar started, and b) Joe Stevenson had already been there for ten minutes by then.  That’s right, “Daddy” knows how to party.

(A face only Greg Jackson could love.  Courtesy of Combat Lifestyle’s UFC 96 press conference gallery.)

It’s debatin’ time again.  With one day to go before UFC 96 rocks Columbus, Ohio, we’re talking title shots, Hall of Fame inductees, and more in this edition of Ben vs. Ben.

Given Jardine’s track record for spoiling the UFC’s best-laid plans, what are his chances to upset Rampage Jackson and force a Machida-Evans title fight?

BG: Unless Greg Jackson’s gameplan for Keith Jardine is “change everything about your standup game,” the Dean of Mean is in deep shit. Sure, Jardine has been a notable spoiler for Forrest Griffin and Chuck Liddell, but he’s just as well-known for being eaten alive by the heavy-handed onslaughts of Houston Alexander and Wanderlei Silva, thanks in large part to his often-shaky striking defense. Jardine may be able to outmaneuver a measured counter-puncher, but if Jackson comes out slugging, he’s done for.

Not to say that Rampage is going to be a wild man from the opening bell. Against Wanderlei Silva in December, he took the first half of the first round at a slow pace, settling in and finding his range. (And then he found it, and boom went the dynamite.) But there’s a difference between the patient knockout artist that Jackson was at UFC 94, and the tentative, off-peak, troubled Rampage we saw against Forrest Griffin at UFC 86. Jardine could have probably won a decision over that Rampage via leg kicks. Unfortunately, a 100% healthy and focused Quinton Jackson would likely outbox Jardine into unconsciousness, sometime after the first round. QJ wins this one four out of five times. Machida’s title shot will come at the end of this year, at the earliest.

BF: First of all, QJ?  Man walks around with a perfectly good nickname like “Rampage” and here you are calling him QJ?  There’s just no excuse for that.

(Only one thing could make "The Dean of Mean" smile like that: ice cream sandwich.)

Need some money and don’t want to go through the tedious motions of acquiring it through work?  Man, I sympathize.  That’s why I’m moving to an internet gambling-based personal financial model.  Yes, literally every piece of financial advice I read strongly suggests I not do this, but if those people know so much why are they still working as financial advice writers instead of living it up in limos with a bunch of Armenian strippers?  Riddle me that, suckas.

Betting lines come to us via BestFightOdds.com, as usual.

Quinton Jackson (-281) vs. Keith Jardine (+261)
Gabriel Gonzaga (-160) vs. Shane Carwin (+150)
Matt Hamill (-160) vs. Mark Munoz (+150)
Pete Sell (-131) vs. Matt Brown (+121)
Gray Maynard (-160) vs. Jim Miller (+155)
Tamdan McCrory (-290) vs. Ryan Madigan (+275)
Kendall Grove (-160) vs. Jason Day (+165)
Tim Boetsch (-130) vs. Jason Brilz (+130)
Brandon Vera (-500) vs. Mike Patt (+450)
Aaron Riley (-205) vs. Shane Nelson (+190)

Thoughts…

(Well, at least you and Rude Boy will finally be able to open that taco stand you’ve been talking about for the last five years. Again, props to CombatLifestyle.)

Though he was successful in his last performance — a split-decision victory over Evan Tanner at the TUF 7 finale last June — Kendall Grove‘s previous back-to-back losses still seem to be fresh in Dana White’s mind. As the UFC prez told USA Today, in regards to Grove’s UFC 96 matchup with Jason Day:

It’s cool, Dana — we forget about Travis Lutter sometimes, too. Anyway, that’s what we call "tough love." Is it possible that DW is suggesting that Da Spyder’s job is on the line just to add another hook to Saturday’s show, which has very little heat behind it right now? Grove had better win, just in case his boss backs up his words.

Also in the USA Today article, Dana expressed frustration at Keith Jardine’s recent comments that he wouldn’t fight his friend and teammate Rashad Evans for the UFC’s light-heavyweight title if he was given the opportunity:

It is aggravating when team alliances get in the way of compelling matchups (see also: Anderson Silva staying out of the light-heavyweight division because "this belt belongs to Lyoto"), but you can’t force people to fight each other. Danny Trejo tried that once, and wound up getting shot in the gut by Ken Shamrock’s wife. You just never know how people will react when their backs are against the wall…

(Miller plays a fun little game of ‘got you first!’ with Matt Wiman.)

When we interviewed Josh Koscheck before his now-infamous bout with Paulo Thiago and he admitted that he hadn’t watched any video of Thiago’s previous fights, and in fact didn’t even know what Thiago looked like, a few of you noted that this seemed a little strange and probably like a bad idea.  Then he went and got knocked out and we couldn’t help but wonder, what if he’d taken ten minutes to do a little YouTube search?  Would it have helped?

Apparently not interested in finding out is Jim Miller, who tells Ariel Helwani that he also doesn’t watch tape on opponents and hasn’t really studied film on Gray Maynard to prepare for their UFC 96 bout:

Yeah, I am one of those guys who doesn’t watch tape. That’s when I get nervous, when I’m watching tape. I just also think that I am going to go out there and make him fight my fight. I am not going to be worried about what he does and what might work against him. I just try to focus on what I am going to do him.

Far be it for me to tell you how to prepare for a fight, but wouldn’t you like to know what to expect out there?
It is good to know what somebody brings to the table, but I just don’t study tape. I have seen Gray fight a couple of times, and I know the gist of how he fights. But I feel like I need to improve in every aspect of my game. So, I try to just train the way I always train, and get better at everything because I feel like I have just so much more room to improve at everything.

Dana White’s UFC 96 video blog, ep. 2 – Watch more free videos

In this edition of the UFC 96 video blog, Dana White and the rest of the traveling circus dazzle Deutschland in their promo tour for UFC 99 this summer.  ‘But wait a minute,’ you’re saying to yourself, ‘isn’t this video blog supposed to be about hyping this weekend’s event on an entirely different continent?’  To which Dana White would respond: “Fuck yourself, it’s only Wednesday you pussy.”

Highlights of this episode include a touching conversation between White and Wanderlei Silva, who displays the ability to laugh at himself and his Borat-like grasp of the English language, as well as a trip to a weirdo German talk show with a moving stage, and of course an obligatory shot at Tito Ortiz.  In other words, a good time is had by all.

After the jump, a strange, quick knockout from an amateur MMA bout in Scotland.  Dude’s going to need an ice pack when he wakes up.

(Ryan Magidan: The dude can kick.)

This week’s installment of "The New Guys" will be a brief one — there are only two Octagon first-timers on Saturday’s UFC 96 card. But both fighters are undefeated ass-kickers with the potential to shake things up in their divisions. So pay attention, because it’s time for us to drop some knowledge…

MARK MUNOZ (LHW)
?Experience: 5-0 record, with appearances in Gladiator Challenge and Palace Fighting Championship. Last two fights were in the WEC, where he scored first-round TKOs over Chuck Grigsby and Ricardo Barros.
Will be facing: Matt Hamill (5-2, all fights in the UFC)
?Lowdown: "The Philippine Wrecking Machine" comes from a decorated amateur wrestling background; while competing at Oklahoma State University as a 197-pounder, he scored two Big 12 titles and became the first Filipino-American to win a Division I National Championship. It was Munoz’s friend Urijah Faber who first convinced him to try his hand at MMA, and Munoz now trains out of Faber’s Ultimate Fitness gym in Sacramento. Jesus is his homeboy.

RYAN MADIGAN (WW)
?Experience: 5-0 record (all wins by stoppage within the first two rounds) in regional leagues including Gladiators Cage Fighting and Close Quarters Combat.
Will be facing: Tamdan McCrory (10-2, 2-2 UFC)
Lowdown: A ferocious striker, Ryan "The Lion" honed his kickboxing chops in Chuck Norris’s World Combat League, and is the current IKF East Coast middleweight champion. The Ohio-based fighter is a member (and striking coach) of the Jungle Fight Team, where he trains under Chris Chard, and is also an instructor at the Evolve Training Center in Medina, OH. According to his bio, his favorite TV show is The Bachelor. Seriously?

In this clip from “Inside MMA” trainer Greg Jackson is asked about comments from Dana White insinuating that the greasing incident at UFC 94 was intentional, at least on the part of Georges St. Pierre’s trainers.  Jackson responds by calling the UFC prez a lying motherfucker.  Okay, not in those words, but it’s in his eyes.

Actually, the strange part is Jackson admitting that GSP’s magical breathing technique is “above my pay grade.”  Seriously?  You’ve got one of the best minds in MMA in your corner and even he doesn’t know what the hell you’re doing with your greasy hands on GSP’s chest?

After the jump, Raw Vegas takes a look at Gray Maynard’s training for his UFC 96 bout with Jim Miller.  You ask me, it could very well be one of the more interesting fights on the card.  Or it could be a typical Gray Maynard affair.  But I don’t know, those Miller boys, they’re tricky.

It wasn’t easy, but we’ve poured through your entries and selected the two we liked best to join us for some VIP fun at the Sugar Bar in Columbus, Ohio this Friday night as we get our UFC 96 pre-party on.  Your winners:

Vrax: we liked his Maker’s Mark-centric entry, and he did a lot of work on the Wiki for us and we don’t forget a friend like that.

Cariouslesions: there’s something about a Cage Potato reader who is in dental school and also subscribes to Fight! Magazine that we like.

Gentlemen, please send us an email at feedback@cagepotato.com with your real name and contact info and we’ll put you down on the guest list (+1).  See you Friday, 8:30 pm.

For those of you who didn’t win, this doesn’t mean we don’t like you.  It just means we don’t like you as much as Vrax and Cariouslesions, who are going to get to throw a few back with us, some UFC fighters and Octagon girls, and the guys from Fight! Magazine.  The rest of you can and should still swing by when the club opens to the public at 10 pm.  We’ll have t-shirts to give away and a ring girl contest for you to enjoy, and we’d love to make your acquaintance and then forget all about it in the morning.

"Here we go. Bloggin’ again." So says Dana White after he and Lorenzo sell some snake oil to a group of Stanford Business students, telling them that their friendship is what has kept the UFC successful. Plus, it’s all about the ride. You can pretty much skip past 2:19-4:44, in which Lorenzo tells a convoluted shaggy dog story (literally/figuratively) which doesn’t really go anywhere. You can also skip through 4:45-6:00 in which Dana plays Pac-Man in his garage. Man, I can’t imagine what landed on the cutting-room floor this time around. Then, Dana’s daughter shows up in an Ed Hardy shirt (LOL, what a douchebag) and his son disses his baldness. A lot of family time, basically, ending with Dana and Lorenzo reunited and heading to Germany. In a way, this vlog entry is much like UFC 96 itself — only interesting if you’re a hardcore fan.

Below: Rejoice! Genghis Con has created a sequel to his groovy Fedor Emelianenko-based film The Last Russian Emperor. Chapter 2 focuses on Fedor’s last five victories (Hunt, Lindland, Choi, Sylvia, Arlovski), with some great behind-the-scenes footage peppered in. The exchange between Aleks and Andrei at the 6:13 mark FTW.

Many of you have already submitted your entries to the Fight! Magazine/Cage Potato Pre-UFC 96 VIP party contest.  Looking through the forum thread, I have to say I’m impressed at the variety of methods you people came up with to prove your worthiness. 

Some of my favorites range from promising us drugs to telling us your sad, sad story to posting evidence of your frequent flier miles to pointing out that you are biologically a woman.  [Note: that last one may be rare and impressive enough by itself on an MMA forum, DutchAsFuck, but is much less so at a party with a ring girl contest going on.  Try again.]

As much as we’ve enjoyed hearing your pleas for fun, this must come to an end.  Tuesday we announce our winners, based on whatever the hell criteria we feel like, so get your entries in now if you haven’t already.  Hopefully that will give the lucky winners time enough to make the necessary plans while also allowing the rest of you to heal from the tremendous hurt you’ll have suffered.  And yes, if you win you will be permitted to bring one guest.  But choose wisely.  The friend you have who’s known for shooting tequila and puking on himself?  Even though you guys have been bros since fifth grade, maybe it’s best to leave him at home for this one.

The good news is that even if you don’t win you can still meet up with us when the club opens to the public at 10 pm.  The ring girl contest is set to pop off at around 11 so you’ll still get to see the good stuff, and we may even have a t-shirt or two left to give out by then.  If that doesn’t entice you enough, I’ll leave you with this: what do all three UFC Octagon Girls have in common?  No, it isn’t daddy issues.  Well, maybe it is.  But more importantly they’ll all be partying with Cage Potato and Fight! Magazine this Friday night.  Where will you be?

‘Sup, Potato Nation.  What are you guys up to next Friday night?  Just sitting around, painting your toenails and wishing it was Saturday already so you could watch UFC 96?  That’s a bummer, because we’ll be partying our asses off at a VIP party with Fight! Magazine at the Sugar Bar in Columbus, Ohio.

It’s no big deal, really.  Just us, the dudes from Fight Mag, a bunch of UFC fighters, an open bar, and a ring girl contest hosted by none other than Bruce Buffer himself.  See I lied, it’s totally a big deal!!!!

But we’re not telling you simply to brag about how big time we are.  We want you to come party with us to kick off the UFC 96 weekend, and two lucky Cage Potato readers will get the full VIP treatment – free drinks, hobnobbing with the stars (and, you know, us), the works.  To determine which two of you will receive this honor, we’re going to have ourselves an old-fashioned (really, really short) essay contest.

Simply tell us, in 100 words or less in this forum thread, why you think you deserve to hang with the stars and party it up in Columbus, Ohio before UFC 96.  Only entries in the forum thread will be considered, and to be eligible you should a) be 21 or over, and b) be reasonably capable of actually getting to Columbus on March 6.

(Props: BloodyElbow)

Well, we’re nine days away from the most-anticipated [Columbus, Ohio-based] UFC card in history since last March. No, the lineup isn’t exactly knocking anybody’s dick off. But people bitched about UFC 95, and that turned out to be insane from top to bottom, so who really knows? Above is the extended promo clip for the night’s two main events. Quinton Jackson says Keith Jardine‘s chin is suspect, and vows that somebody’s gonna pay for making him go back to the chilly U.K. to train. Jardine says he an overall better fighter that Jackson, and plans on testing his spirit.

Meanwhile, both Gabriel Gonzaga and Shane Carwin take pride in the fact that they finish fights. The undefeated Carwin still hasn’t been out of the first round in his career, which is both a good thing (can anybody make it to the second bell against this guy?) and potentially a bad thing (will he gas out if it goes to rounds two and three?). But now that Carwin is training with Greg Jackson’s camp, he’ll be able to draw from the wisdom of guys like Keith Jardine, Nate Marquardt, Rashad Evans, and GSP, and the brilliant gameplans of the team’s namesake. Deal with that, Team Link.

Semi-Related:
— Quinton Jackson is not Lyoto Machida’s biggest fan: "I mean, he’s good, he’s undefeated, but he’s boring. If I was the promoter of a show I wouldn’t have guys like that fighting on my show.” And so the trash-talk for an eventual face-off begins…

— Sore as hell from his three-round burner against Troy Mandaloniz last Saturday, Rampage’s Wolfslair teammate Paul Kelly is dropping to lightweight.

— Keith Jardine’s friendship with Rashad Evans would prevent him from fighting "Sugar" for the UFC light-heavyweight title. If it comes to that. Which it won’t.

(Here’s what happened the last time Joe did a show in Columbus. Just think — you could be that drunk, Affliction-clad asshole.)

As first reported right here, UFC commentator/funnydude Joe Rogan is filming his next comedy special in March, to be broadcast on Spike TV. UFC.com has just posted this notice announcing the details:

In the event that you won’t be near Columbus on 3/5, at least take the above suggestion and start following Joe’s blog, where’s he’s been writing enormous and insightful posts about primate evolution, pursuing your passions amid uncertainty, and why Kellogg’s should lighten up about the Michael Phelps weed situation. Here, why don’t I just give you an excerpt from that last one:

(Props: MMA Mania) 

The UFC has released the official fight order for UFC 96 (March 7th; Columbus, OH). Here’s what we’re looking at:

MAIN CARD
Quinton Jackson vs. Keith Jardine (LHW)
Matt Hamill vs. Mark Munoz (LHW)
Pete Sell vs. Matt Brown (WW)
Gabriel Gonzaga vs. Shane Carwin (HW)
Gray Maynard vs. Jim Miller (LW)

UNDERCARD 
Tamdan McCrory vs. Ryan Madigan (WW)
Kendall Grove vs. Jason Day (MW)
Tim Boetsch vs. Jason Brilz (LHW)
Brandon Vera vs. Mike Patt (LHW)
Aaron Riley vs. Shane Nelson (LW)

Your eyes do not deceive you: Brandon Vera is deeeeep on the dark card, fighting a dude who got wrecked by Tim Boetsch in his UFC debut last September. If this isn’t a your-last-chance kind of situation, I don’t know what is. But while I understand that match’s placement — losing three of your last four fights will generally earn you some sort of punishment from the UFC — I don’t see how Sell vs. Brown is a PPV-main-card-caliber fight, especially when a promising bout like Grove vs. Day is on the undercard. Ah well. Weak lineups have surprised us before, and as long as the main event and Gonzaga vs. Carwin deliver, how bad can it be? 

Discussion topic for your MMA study groups: Who will remain conscious longer, Jardine or Gonzaga?

(Image courtesy of MMA Weekly.)

This must have happened when I got up to take a piss after the Hathaway/Egan fight, but apparently it was announced during the UFC 93 broadcast that Keith Jardine and Quinton Jackson are fighting at UFC 96 (March 7th, Columbus). Not the most awesome main event, but that’s what they’re giving us. Maybe Rashad Evans isn’t quite ready for another fight ten weeks after his last one; maybe the UFC just wants a little more time to promote the next light-heavyweight title match; maybe Lyoto Machida’s at the head of the line after all. Who knows. Will Jackson score a first-round KO, or will Jardine leg-kick his way to a decision? Oh, why can’t it be March 7th already?!?

(Rashad’s match with Rampage won’t be nearly this friendly.)

We’re less than two months out from UFC 96 (March 7th, Columbus), and so far the biggest match on the card is Shane Carwin vs. Gabriel Gonzaga. Which means it’s desperation time for the UFC — a time to call up old friends and tell them they’ll only have a ten-week layoff between fights. This just in:

Evans and Jackson emerged from their last bouts relatively unscathed, so it seems feasible. It also might be the only main event available at this point, so it kind of has to happen unless the UFC is cool with Carwin/Gonzaga toplining the event. Even better, it’ll mean that the winner of the Lyoto Machida/Thiago Silva match at UFC 94 could challenge for the title in his next fight, as long as he’s willing to wait like five months for it. Damn…just how many times could the 205-pound strap change hands this year?

Semi-related: Remember when we said that Forrest Griffin’s hand injury would sideline him until the fall? Bad information, apparently. According to Forrest’s people, he’ll be back this summer.