Alves looks to prove that he’s still one of the welterweight division’s best fighters by ending Matt Brown’s career resurgence.

When Dana White originally announced that the UFC was returning to Boston to help launch Fox Sports 1, he promised us a great card but didn’t announce any fights. The main event is still anyone’s guess, but according to MMAWeekly.com, a welterweight scrap between the resurgent Matt Brown and Thiago Alves is in the works for the card.

This is a very interesting fight to book. Not only because it features two of the welterweight division’s best strikers, but also because their careers appear to be heading in total opposite directions.

Matt Brown heads into this fight riding one of the most unexpected career comebacks in the sport. Just two years ago, Brown was a 12-11 “Why hasn’t he been fired yet?” gatekeeper who appeared to lack anything resembling submission defense. Five fights later, Brown is now 17-11, with four of those fights ending by knockout. During this stretch he has notably exposed Stephen Thompson’s takedown defense, ended Mike Swick’s bid for 2012′s Comeback of the Year, and most recently deflated the hype of Strikeforce standout Jordan Mein at UFC on Fox 7. While many fans still question Brown’s submission defense, let’s be honest, this fight likely won’t provide any answers as to how far that has progressed.

(CUUUUURSSSSEE YOOOOUUUU JOOOOEEEE SILLLVVVVAA!!!)

Far be it from us to accuse UFC matchmaker and noted “mean little f*cker” Joe Silva of phoning it in, but when rumors started to circulate that former middleweight title challenger and reborn welterweight Demian Maia would be facing former welterweight title challenger Josh Koscheck, we balked at the idea. Balked I tell you! Sure, Koscheck’s a seasoned veteran, perennial contender, and world-renowned motorboater, but in what universe does it make sense to have a guy on a two-fight losing skid fight a guy on a three-fight winning streak? This one, apparently.

Brazilian outlet NewsMMA was the first to report the matchup, which has since been confirmed by both fighters Sherdog pages.

Like we said, we were quick to dismiss the notion of this pairing…at first. But then we got to thinking: What possible motivation could the UFC have for booking this fight? And then, it all became so clear. The UFC is severing its ties with Josh Koscheck. 

Don’t buy it? Well, let’s just take a little trip down memory lane, shall we?

(“I don’t mean to freak you out, Terry, but there’s a bee on your nose. Now if you just hold still…I’m gonna try something here.”) 

As if UFC 162 wasn’t already stacked enough, word broke earlier today that a lightweight matchup between John Makdessi and Edson Barboza has been booked for the event as well. Set to transpire on Fourth of July weekend, UFC 162 not only feature the much-anticipated middleweight title fight between Anderson Silva and Chris Weidman, but a trio of ridiculously awesome featherweight fights and yes, the return of Dave Herman.

After suffering his only career defeat in one of the greatest upsets of 2012 (via TKO to Jamie Varner), Barboza recently rebounded with a first round TKO of Lucas “Why me, God, WHY?!” Martins at UFC on FX 7. Currently 3-2 in the octagon, Makdessi has been able to right the course in his past two fights, bouncing back from a two fight skid with UD victories over Sam Stout and Daron Cruickshank.

We don’t mean to overhype it, but this fight has all the ingredients for a end of the night bonus at the minimum and a FOTY nomination at best. And what’s the only way to make a great fight even better? That’s right, a drinking game. Here are the rules we will be playing by during Makdessi/Barboza:

1. For every attempted spinning backfist/kick, take a drink.
2. For every landed spinning whatchamacallit, take two drinks.
3. If Mike Goldberg mentions “the slapping sound” made by a leg kick, finish your beer.
4. If Rogan informs Goldberg (for the billionth time) shortly thereafter that the best leg kicks are the ones that make no sound, shout out your favorite Goldbergism and take a shot.
5. If it ends in a knockout/TKO, finish your beer.
6. If Joe Rogan completely loses his sh*t during the fight (ala Boetsch/Okami), take a bong rip, finish your beer, and Ezekiel choke the person closest to you.

Check out the crazy lineup for UFC 162 after the jump. 

Of all the attempts to exploit female MMA fighters for their looks, the above photo of Alexis Davis might be the most confusing. I mean, she’s clearly an attractive woman to those of us with non-Internet standards, but did the photographer responsible for this realize that WMMA is not Foxy Boxing? If you want to do a sexy photo shoot showcasing the “feminine” side of a female fighter (makeup, hurr did, etc.), then do a sexy photo shoot. If you want to showcase your female fighter as a female fighter, then have her throw on the gloves and maybe hit some heavy bags like you would with anyone else. Combining the two just seems…impractical and kind of counterproductive to the whole “we are more than just a pretty face” WMMA ideology, does it not?

Anyway, I’ll get off my soapbox to pass along the news that Davis has just been booked to take on wrestling powerhouse and qualified osteopath Rosi Sexton at UFC 161 in June. According to the UFC, the fight will air on the pay-per-view portion of the card that already features Shogun vs. Lil’ Nog II and Rashad Evans vs. Dan Henderson (man, Hendo appears to just be rolling in it these days).

(Photo courtesy of Getty Images.) 

While we were predicting who the biggest winners of UFC 158 should face in their next fights earlier this week, we unfortunately made one glaring omission: that of 23 year-old Canadian phenom Jordan Mein. If you recall, Mein became the first man ever to finish Dan Miller (via first round TKO) at the event — a feat made all the more impressive when you realize just what kind of killers Miller has faced over his career, along with the fact that he had Mein in a tight armbar just moments before being finished.

And being that Mein was able to come away from the fight practically untouched, it was announced earlier today that “Young Gun” will now being making a quick turnaround against Matt Brown at UFC on FOX 7, as Brown’s original opponent, Dan Hardy, has been forced to withdraw from the fight due to injury. Barns, they will be burned.

After suffering a horrific 1-4 stretch between 2010-2011, Brown was able to completely (and somewhat unexpectedly) turn his career around in 2012, putting together four straight victories including a KO win over Mike Swick at UFC on FOX 5 last December. Mein, on the other hand, has tasted victory in 9 of his last 10 performances, leaving the likes of Josh Burkman, Joe Riggs, and Evangelista Santos in his wake.

So, Potato Nation, do you have Mein by murder or Brown by…murder?

[UPDATE] 

Turns out Hardy wasn’t injured; he was not given medical clearance for the fight due to a pre-existing condition. Hardy gives us the details via his Twitter after the jump.

(“Don’t worry, Leonard, if this doesn’t fix your aching back, it will probably just break it.” Photo courtesy of Getty Images.)

Two featherweights who have long since punched their tickets to a title shot are set to face off at UFC 162. Of course, now that Jose Aldo is fighting #1 lightweight contender Anthony Pettis and receiving a lightweight title shot if he is successful, we should probably assume that both the winner and loser of this fight will be sitting in title shot purgatory for at least a few months. So hooray for that.

That being the case, we should still prepare for one epic clash when top featherweight contenders Chan Sung Jung and Ricardo Lamas meet at UFC 162, which transpires at the MGM Grand in Las Vegas on July 6th.

We haven’t seen Jung in action since he submitted fellow top contender Dustin Poirier in a Fight of the Night, Submission of the Night, and Fight of the Year-earning performance back at UFC on FUEL 3 last May, as he was forced to undergo shoulder surgery shortly thereafter. Lamas, on the other hand, has been picking off contenders ever since entering the UFC. With victories over Cub Swanson, Hatsu Hioki, and most recently one-time title hopeful Erik Koch at UFC on Fox 6, it would be almost impossible to claim that Lamas hasn’t earned his shot should he best the South Korean.

Who do you like for this one, Potato Nation?

After the jump: Some highlights from Jung and Poirier’s FOTY scrap, as well as Lamas’ destruction of Koch.

(This murderous ocean won’t be hurting anyone anymore.) 

Australian publication The Age is passing along the news that TUF 8 winner Ryan Bader has been forced to withdraw from his upcoming UFC 160 bout with Brazilian phenom Glover Teixeira due to injury. Luckily, his replacement opponent makes for an arguably more exciting potential fight, as it is being reported that streaking light heavyweight slugger James Te Huna has been brought into the fold in Bader’s absence. Early reports are also predicting that the fight will be a slugfest of epic proportions that winds up on every pundit’s “Top Ten Fights of the Year” list by the end of 2013, converting hoards of new fans to the sport and simultaneously blowing their minds in the process. Thank God we’re not setting ourselves up for disappointment.

Currently 5-1 in the UFC and on a four fight win streak, Te Huna is on the heels of a come from behind victory over Ryan Jimmo at UFC on FUEL 7. After getting rocked by a head kick in the first round, Te Huna showcased his resiliency (and a much improved grappling game) in the latter two rounds, controlling Jimmo en route to a unanimous decision victory. The victory followed up a record setting performance by the Aussie against Joey Beltran at UFC on FUEL 4 in which Te Huna anded 71 significant strikes in the first round.

Speaking of win streaks, Te Huna will be facing a guy with one of the longest active win streaks in the sport when he fights Teixeira, who is fresh off a unanimous decision victory of his own over Quinton “Rampage” Jackson at UFC on FOX 6, his eighteenth in a row.

A win for either man will (probably) establish them as the next, next challenger to the light heavyweight title, so who do you think will come out of this one on top, Potato Nation?

-J. Jones

(“No, Leonard, I don’t know how they make Dippin’ Dots either.”)

When Leonard Garcia and Cody McKenzie were originally booked to face each other back at UFC 155, we categorized the pairing as a “loser leaves town” match. What fools we were; although McKenzie was forced out of the fight with an injury, his replacement opponent in Max Holloway was responsible for Garcia’s fourth straight loss in the UFC*. And while a whole bunch of guys got the axe shortly thereafter, Leonard Garcia was somewhat surprisingly not one of them.

We double-checked the list of fired fighters, then we triple checked it. We even created a flowchart to try and make sense of things, but it appears that as long as Garcia continues to treat strategy like Lloyd Irvin treats consent, he will always have a place in the UFC. It’s a luxury that his upcoming opponent, TUF 12 alum Cody McKenzie, cannot afford.

McKenzie and Garcia have in fact been rebooked for UFC 159 in what has to be a do-or-die fight for at least McKenzie, who has dropped three of his past four UFC contests including a 40 second KO via body punch loss to Chad Mendes in his last outing. Again, according to our chart, McKenzie’s current place on the “100 heavy” UFC roster makes about as much sense as Garcia’s, so expect these two to put on a show come April 27th. One of their UFC careers could depend on it.

So who takes this one, Potato Nation, the one-trick pony or the one-track mind?

The full lineup for UFC 159 is after the jump. 

(“Gunnar, talk us through the end of the fight…………………………………………Gunnar Nelson everybody!” Photo via MMAViking.) 

Cross your fingers and pray for an injury free couple of months, Potato Nation, because UFC 160 is currently stacked with more firepower than Burt Gummer’s basement. Velasquez vs. Silva, Dos Santos vs. Overeem, Teixiera vs. Bader, the list goes on and on. And if a main card that also features the likes of Khabib Nurmagomedov, Stephen Thompson, and Abel Trujillo somehow doesn’t do it for you, rounding out the preliminary card —which is whatever the antithesis of garbage-ass is — will now be a matchup of streaking welterweight contenders when Mike Pyle faces Gunnar Nelson.

In the past year, Mike Pyle has put together a three fight (T)KO streak over the likes of Josh Neer and most recently James Head. A veteran of the UFC since 2009, Pyle will be looking to improve to 7-1 in his past 8 with a win over the undefeated Nelson, who showcased a rather versatile stand up game in his recent victory over Jorge Santiago at UFC on FUEL 7.

As it stands, UFC 160 is a card that we will gladly chase around 3 channels, Facebook, and a couple illegal stream sites to watch. Disagree? Then check out the full lineup after the jump and become a believer.

(“OH GOD, OH GOD. I CAN’T FIND A PULSE, YOSEMITE!”) 

Considering Anderson Silva has all but left the middleweight division for the more lucrative worlds of light-heavyweight squash matches and straight-to-DVD cop films, we think it’s going to be pretty difficult for the UFC to put their patented “winner gets a title shot” rub on the upcoming UFC on FX 8 card scheduled for May 18th. Sure, the event features both a headlining fight between top contenders Vitor Belfort and Luke Rockhold and now a middleweight clash between Ronaldo Souza and Costa Philippou, but when your division’s champion has been turning down the matchups that have been offered to him for months now, to what extent can you start promoting number one contenders?

Be that as it may, UFC on FX 8 will now feature a pair of middleweight showdowns that should have title implications written all over them, as the pairing of Souza and Philippou was just made official a few hours ago. Since losing his Strikeforce middleweight title to Rockhold in September of 2011, “Jacare” has collected three straight stoppage victories, including a first round kimura submission of Ed Herman at Strikeforce’s final event last month.

(Image via CombatLifestyle)

Fight bookings continue to dominate the MMA headlines, Potato Nation. Fortunately for us, it looks like 2013 will be a year where at least half of these announced fights actually make it to the cards they were originally intended to be on.

Although the matchup was hinted at a few weeks ago, both Vitor Belfort and Luke Rockhold vehemently denied that a bout between them was anywhere near a done deal. In fact, the final Strikeforce middleweight champ even went as far as to call out Costa Philippou for his promotional debut, a move that seems like a classic bait and switch in hindsight. In either case, it has been announced that Belfort and Rockhold will indeed be facing off next at a yet-to-be-named event in Brazil, go figure.

Belfort is fresh off a second round destruction of Michael Bisping at UFC on FX 7 that was first attributed to an omniscient higher power but later revealed to be at least partially influenced by the highest power of them all (other than bath salts, of course): testosterone. Rockhold, on the other hand, was scheduled to face Lorenz Larkin at Strikeforce’s once-named Champions event last month, but was forced to pull out from the fight with a wrist injury. Or as Lorenz would call it, a “wrist injury.”

(Truer words have never been spoken. YEAH, I SAID IT.) 

Although TUF 14 alum and noted Dragon Ball Z enthusiast Marcus Brimage might not be a name on everyone’s tongue at the moment, he is quickly gaining a reputation as the featherweight division’s greatest hype train derailer (?). An African American T.E Lawrence with better tumbling skills, if you will. In his past two contests, Brimage has thrown a wrench into the plans of such highly lauded 145ers as Maximo Blanco (who to be fair, had his hype at least partially deflated by Pat Healy in his previous fight) and Jimy Hettes. Clearly the UFC has recognized Brimage’s current position as a litmus test for future prospects, as he has recently been booked to take on Irish phenom and two-division Cage Warriors champion, Conor McGregor, in a featherweight bout at UFC on FUEL 9.

When we last caught up with McGregor, he had moved up to lightweight to secure his second championship belt via a spectacular KO of Ivan Buchinger. Currently sporting a 12-2 record that includes 11 (T)KO victories and 9 first round stoppages, McGregor has put together an eight fight win streak over the past two years.

Will Brimage pull off yet another upset, or will he end up as another entry on McGregor’s lengthy highlight reel? Check out a couple videos of the Irishman in action after the jump and let us know in the comments section.

(Just like his mentor Kimbo Slice, Ray would find himself done in by the much smaller man when all was said and done.) 

When the list of Strikeforce fighters headed to the UFC was first made available to the public, the most glaring omission fans noticed from the get-go was easily that of Jorge Masvidal, the former lightweight title challenger who was set to face Pat Healy at Strikeforce’s final event before he was forced to withdraw due to injury. While a couple of fighters had been left off the list because they had already booked fights in the UFC (most notably Tyron Woodley and Bobby Green), fans were left scratching their heads in regards to Masvidal, who had both an open calendar and the kind of skills that could make a big impact in the sport’s highest promotion despite their apparent decision to pass him over.

Well you’ll be happy to know that “Gamebred” has in fact been brought over to the UFC and will be making his promotional debut at the lightweight-heavy UFC on FOX 7 card set for April 20th. Across the cage from Masvidal will be Tim Means, the 18-3 powerhouse who basically summed up the injury curse of 2012 when he was pulled from his UFC on FOX 5 fight with Abel Trujillo at the very last second for being KO’d by a sauna floor (Author’s note: By now, you’re likely attempting to compliment me on the clever wordplay displayed in this article’s title. I can only ask that you hold your applause for a time when my brilliance is less obvious.) Currently 2-0 in the octagon, we last saw Means at UFC on FX 3: Johnson vs. McCall, where he delivered the most painful one minute beating in recent memory to opponent Justin Salas. Expect fireworks in this one, Taters.

Masvidal vs. Means is just one of many intriguing fights that have been booked today. Join us after the jump to check out the full list…

(“Dude, I f*cking loved you in Simon Birch.”) 

An exciting bout between welterweight strikers has just been booked for an unnamed UFC event set to transpire on May 25th, according to MMAFighting’s Ariel Helwani. In one corner, TUF 7 winner and self-deprecating muay Thai striker Amir Sadollah, pictured above with Baby Sinclair from the popular 90′s children’s show Dinosaurs. In the other, world renowned kickboxer Stephen “Wonderboy” Thompson. In short, this fight will basically be leg kick porn.

Both men will be looking to bounce back into the win column with this fight; Thompson most recently dropped his first fight ever (Author’s note: Seriously. Ever.) to Matt Brown back at UFC 145, whereas Sadollah was outstruck by Dan Hardy en route to a unanimous decision loss at UFC on FUEL 5.

(“Hey Norman, ever play skin the cat?”)

As Dana White announced earlier today at the UFC 158 press conference, a lightweight bout between TUF: The Smashes lightweight runner up and presumable collector of Haunter Pokemon memorabilia, Colin Fletcher, has been booked to take on TUF 16 runner up and sensitive artist, Mike Ricci, on the welterweight-heavy UFC 158 card in March.

On the heels of a UD loss to Northern Ireland’s “Stormin” Norman Parke at UFC on FX 6, Fletcher will no doubt be looking to utilize his reach advantage against Ricci, who will be making the drop from welterweight following a unanimous decision loss of his own to Colton Smith at the TUF 16 Finale. Ricci has gone win-loss in his past six contests, including notable losses to Daron Cruickshank and Pat Curran, and holds notable wins over Strikeforce veteran Jordan Mein and Canadian Rory MacDonald…

…I’m sorry, that’s Canadian Rory McDonell, who was able to score his last victory by, and I quote, “Gogoplata Straight Armbar.” Seriously, if you doubt me, just check out this photo of the finish. How that sub was somehow overlooked by nearly every MMA site out there is beyond me, but feel free to discuss this massive oversight in the comments section. Because, let’s be real, it’s probably more interesting than the subject at hand.

-J. Jones

(“Come on, you guys, give him a hand for trying.”)

If you were looking over the UFC 156 fight card and thinking to yourself “Hey, this card is almost too stacked. I could really use a lackluster fight to make a sandwich or go to the bathroom during,” well then do we have some great news for you. Now that Erick Silva has fallen victim to the great injury curse of 2012 (2013 status pending), it appears that Strikeforce welterweight Tyron Woodley has been called over to the UFC in his absence. As was the case with future highlight reel victim Lucas Martins, Woodley will be making his promotional debut on short notice against a much more experienced opponent. However, unlike Martins, Woodley actually finds himself in a matchup that he stands a good chance of winning.

Woodley will be squaring off against Jay Hieron, a Bellator/IFL/Strikeforce veteran who has simply not been able to put it together in the octagon, going 0 for 3 in the promotion thus far. After we hyped the hell out of his UFC return, Hieron put on an incredibly disappointing — not to mention tepid — performance against Jake Ellenberger at UFC on FX 5, resulting in a unanimous decision victory for the Omaha native. You guys remember that fight, right? Anyone? Who am I kidding, not even Hieron’s mom remembers that fight.

(Contrary to what R. Kelly always told him, Voelker was never able to spread his wings and fly away just because he believed he could.)

We swear this will be our last Patrick Cote-related article for at least a few days, you guys. But being that “The Predator” recently announced his drop to the welterweight division following the cancellation of his rematch with Alessio Sakara and declared that he was still hoping to still fight at UFC 158, we figured we would at least write a follow up now that an opponent has in fact been named. Yes, Cote will be fighting on the Montreal card in his welterweight debut against Bobby “Vicious” Voelker, a five-fight Strikeforce Challengers veteran who boasts an impressive 24-8 record to his credit.

Known for his trio of highly entertaining bouts with Roger Bowling under the Strikeforce: Challengers banner, the 33 year-old Kansas City native has developed a reputation as a comeback specialist, so check out some of his handiwork after the jump.

(“It looks like this artist…*puts on sunglasses*… finally got his SHOT at fame. YEAAAAHHHH!!!) 

There is perhaps no fighter in MMA history who has looked more deadly in victory and more broken in defeat than former WEC featherweight champion Urijah Faber. After dropping his umpteenth title bid (albeit one of those pesky interim ones) to Renan Barao at UFC 149, many MMA pundits were calling for “The California Kid’s” retirement, because in their eyes, being able to beat 98% of your division just isn’t good enough to warrant your existence.

Yet for some reason, it appears that Faber still wants to continue making boatloads of cash in this thing called MMA, and will return at UFC 156 to face off against Vaughan Lee.

Who in the blue Hell is Vaughan Lee, you ask? Good question.

(Yeah, Matt, we’re all pissed about the Giants last performance.) 

When we last heard from Matt Mitrione, he had placed himself in Dana White’s crosshairs by committing the #1 sin a UFC fighter can commit. No, not failing a drug test that eventually cancels the biggest fight of the year — that sort of thing can easily be forgiven. The man known by many as simply “Meathead” did something much, much worse: he refused to bail the UFC out by taking a fight against Daniel Cormier when Frank Mir got injured. THE AUDACITY.

Out of action since October of 2011 and coming off a hype-derailing performance against Cheick Kongo, Mitrione needed to step up for the UFC in one way or another ASAP, lest he find himself Attonito’d. The perfect opportunity arose when Shane Carwin became the sixth coach in the last eight TUF seasons to pull out of his scheduled fight due to injury. So bada boom bada bing, Mitrione will now be squaring off against fellow TUF 10 castmate Roy Nelson at the TUF 16 Finale in December.

(“Well Michael, you’ve really talked yourself into a corner this time.”) 

The good news: Michael Bisping is being given a fight that will at least semi-legitimize his claims of being the number one contender should he emerge victorious from it.

The bad news (for him at least): It’s against this man. (Author’s note: I’m sorry, I literally could not find ONE Vitor Belfort highlight video with a decent soundtrack. For shame, Youtube users.) 

Although the UFC tried to keep this matchup under wraps when it was first rumored, it looks like we will be seeing Bisping square off against the Brazilian “Phenom” Vitor Belfort after all. Not only that, this fight will serve as the main event of UFC on FX 7 on January 19th. Bully day!

Bisping has spent the past year or so calling out every viable contender in the middleweight division, so he should be more than satisfied (or terrified) knowing that he will be taking on a former light heavyweight champion and middleweight title challenger in Belfort for his next fight, as the Brazilian would easily make for the biggest win in the Brit’s career should the scaffolding fall from the roof and knock Belfort out in the first round. Because that is the only way Bisping is winning this one.

But who are we kidding, Belfort isn’t making it to this fight in one piece anyway, if at all.

(When the TUF producers decided to shoot Koscheck’s reaction to Two Girls One Cup, little did they know what traumatic psychological issues they would uncover.)

Say what you want about Josh Koscheck — seriously, do it now and in great detail — but if there’s one thing that male nurse hatin’ sumbitch isn’t, it’s afraid of a tough fight. His resume is easily one of the most impressive in the division and although he hasn’t been able to strike gold, he has more than earned his current status as a perennial contender. Sure, he has his shortcomings, but should we chastise a man just because he prefers his motorboats to be of the male ass variety rather than that of the female chest? For is the ass not but the chest of the South?

While you ponder those roundtable-worthy questions, consider the words of Dana White, who said in a recent interview that Nick Diaz would need a big win over a top guy at 170 before he would be considered back in the title picture. Being the remarkably generous company man that he is, Koscheck has apparently already agreed to play the role of stepping stone one last time (see Johny Hendricks, Thiago Alves), calling out Diaz over Twitter yesterday.

(We’ll give you an A for effort, Rashad, but we don’t think you have the..ahem… skin tone to pull off Sloth from The Goonies this Halloween.) 

For those of you who were hoping to see Rashad Evans test the waters at middleweight, it looks like you’ll have to keep waiting, because it has been reported by the Brazilian outlet SporTV that Evans will be facing off against Antonio Rogerio Nogueria at a TBD event planned for Super Bowl weekend in Las Vegas.

Prior to his failed light heavyweight title bid at UFC 145, the TUF 2 winner scored big victories over Phil Davis — who trounced Nogueira back at Ultimate Fight Night 24 — and Tito Ortiz — who was defeated by Lil’ Nog in December of last year. Following hsi win over Ortiz, Nogueira recently called out Forrest Griffin — who lost his title to Evans at UFC 92 and defeated Ortiz in his last appearance — but was beat out for the spot by the last man to defeat him: Phil Davis. So according to MMA math…I’m illiterate.

(A bit of insider info: The tattoo on Koch’s right arm stands for Zeitgeist, while the one on the left stands for Honey Boo Boo child. True story.) 

It may not come as a shock to any of you, but needless to say, UFC 155 a.k.a the UFC’s annual New Year’s Eve card is looking pretty stacked at this point. Sure, we will lose at least half of these fights to injury, but for the time being we are going to revel in these awesome matchups God damn it and there’s nothing you can do to stop us la la la la we can’t hear you!

Just last week, we announced that Phil Davis would be stepping in to replace Chael Sonnen against Forrest Griffin in the night’s co-main event, and today, a whole slew of interesting matchups were announced, starting with Erik Koch vs Ricardo Lamas.

If you recall, Koch has spent roughly ten years on the shelf due to injury, yet despite this, was in line to receive the next shot at Jose Aldo. Then Jose got injured, then the bout was rescheduled, then Koch injured himself again, then Jose got injured again. My God, that was as depressing an assessment of the current UFC landscape as I’ve ever written. In any case, it appears that Koch will finally return to action on New Year’s against fellow top contender Ricardo Lamas, who is fresh off a victory over Hatsu Hioki at UFC on FX 4. Koch and Lamas find themselves in a very similar position coming into this fight — both are relatively unknown by casual fans yet will likely earn the next featherweight title shot with a win — so expect both guys to try and make a statement with this fight, or at the minimum, talk a lot of shit to Jose Aldo afterward.

In other UFC 155 news…

(It’s good to see that someone finally gave Starvin Marvin something to eat.) 

According to a tweet sent out by UFC Brazil, light heavyweight grappling whiz Phil Davis will be the man to replace Chael Sonnen against Forrest Griffin at UFC 155. When Sonnen passed over Griffin for a TUF coaching gig and light heavyweight title shot against Jon Jones, everyone from Stephan Bonnar to Antonio Rogerio Nogueira were being rumored as potential opponents for Griffin, who is coming off a unanimous decision victory over longtime rival Tito Ortiz in their trilogy match at UFC 148.

After coming up short in a tedious affair against Rashad Evans in the headlining match of UFC on FOX 2, Davis was looking to rebound against Wagner Prado at UFC on FOX 4, but an unfortunate eye poke resulted in an unsatisfying no-contest being declared. Davis and Prado met again at UFC 153, where Davis was able to secure a brilliant second round submission via anaconda choke victory. It was the same submission Davis used to defeat top light heavyweight prospect Alexander Gustafsson back at UFC 112 in April of 2010. If you’re keeping track, the current record for fighters who were the victims of a fight-ending eye poke in immediate rematches is now 1-3 (Scott Smith, Waachiim Spiritwolf, and Prado all came up short, with only Anthony Johnson managing to earn some revenge).

(“Cowboy” Cerrone and his travel guide Filipe found more than just solace in the caves of Mount Grenidor; they found each other.)

You may or may not be aware of this, but before the UFC decided to go the route of champ vs. troll, they actually had a coaching matchup in the works for TUF 17 that would have both made sense and likely been ignored by most of the population. That matchup was between streaking lightweight contender Donald Cerrone and former WEC lightweight champion Anthony Pettis, two 155ers who are due for a title shot and truly despise one another. Unfortunately for them, the UFC decided to take things in a different direction. Fortunately for them, it appears as if they are still destined to throw down in the near future, because according to Cerrone in an interview with the appropriately titled MMAInterviews, half of the contract has already been signed.

I’m looking forward to that fight. Hopefully December we’re gonna get it, beginning of January. My side of the deal is signed. (I’m) just waiting on him while his shoulder is rehabbed. There’s been a lot of shit talking back and forth, so it’s gonna be fun. It’s gonna be for the fans. I think it’s gonna be Fight of the Night for sure. He’s well-rounded. I think my wrestling is better than his but if we go to the ground he’s good on the ground, if we stay standing he’s good there. It’s gonna be a helluva fight. I’m packing a lunch. I’m ready for three rounds of hell. I’ll fight him on an undercard, I don’t care.

As you know, Pettis has been out of action since his beatdown of Joe Lauzon at UFC 144 mending multiple injuries, and just recently injured his shoulder in training, which likely affected the UFC’s decision to go with Bones vs. Sonnen. So the likelihood of this matchup taking place in 2012 is a longshot, but a headlining fight on a FOX or FX event in late January? Hell to the yes, Potato Nation.

(Mutton chops: Giving white people the confidence to shake their rump since the 1800′s.) 

It could just be our queasy stomachs, but we’ve begun to feel more and more trepidation when it comes to announcing a scheduled UFC contest these days, because the likelihood of said contest actually coming to fruition seems borderline impossible.

That being said, it will please all of the lumberjacks who happen to read CagePotato to learn that the man with the coolest facial hair in the biz this side of Casey “fagtastic flameathon of facial distortion” Oxendine, Chad Griggs, will be returning to UFC action on November 17th at UFC 154 in Montreal, Canada to face PRIDE veteran Cyrille Diabate. Griggs, who gained notoriety over the past couple years with his decimations of Bobby Lashley, Valentijn Overeem, and Gian Villante, is coming off a first round submission via arm-triangle loss to Travis “Don’t ask, don’t tell” Browne in his UFC debut at UFC 145. Shortly after the loss, Griggs announced that he would in fact be dropping to 205 lbs to face Phil Davis at UFC on FOX 4, but go figure, suffered an injury and was forced to pull out.

Diabate, on the other hand, is coming off a majority decision victory over late replacement Tom DeBlass at UFC on FUEL 2. “The Snake” has gone win-loss in his five fight UFC career and was originally set to face Fabio Maldonado at UFC 153, but again, an injury blah blah blah things are different now.

Diabate has shown a susceptibility to submissions in the past (as well as an inability to last three rounds), so a matchup with a stand-and-bang aficionado like Griggs should be tailor-made for an exciting, if not winnable opportunity for everyone involved.

Who you got for this one, Potato Nation?

After the jump: A video of Griggs’ slugfest with Villante, because it’s arguably the greatest two and a half minute fight you will ever see.

(“What?! Vitor’s fighting who now? God damn you, JC, you are really bending me over a barrel here!”) 

How the tides have shifted.

When Alan Belcher and Yushin Okami first met at UFC 62 all the way back in August of 2006, both men were actually making their promotional debut. In a hard fought contest, Okami used his superior grappling prowess to reel in a unanimous decision victory over “The Talent,” and would follow the victory with three more before dropping a unanimous decision to Rich Franklin at UFC 72. Belcher, on the other hand, would rebound from the defeat by scoring a head kick KO over woeful UFC washout Jorge Santiago, then dropping a third round submission via Brabo choke to TUF 3 winner Kendall Grove.

Since then, Okami has compiled a 10-4 record in the UFC, including wins over a certain Strikeforce welterweight champion and a certain injury-plagued middleweight contender, a title losing bid to Anderson Silva at UFC 134, and a shocking third round upset at the hands of Tim Boetsch that was responsible for the greatest Joe Rogan meltdown in UFC history. Belcher has gone 8-3, with an upset loss of his own to Jason Day and notable wins over Patrick Cote, Ed Herman, and most recently Rousimar Palhares. It should be noted, and has been on several occasions, that his victory over Palhares made one CagePotato writer look like a complete a-hole.

But although Belcher was a considerable underdog heading into their first contest, one has to imagine that he may find himself the favorite heading into their rematch at UFC 155 in light of their recent momentum swings.

(Jesus Christ, Joe, are you playing for the other team?! You don’t snipe in Carentan, saboteur!)  

Of all the seasons of The Ultimate Fighter to have produced upper-echelon fighters and title challengers at 155 lbs., who would’ve guessed that the season that coined the phrase “Wang and Bang” would one day rule them all? Not only is Nate Diaz next in line for a shot at Ben Henderson, but former title challenger Gray Maynard has just been booked to take on perennial contender Joe Lauzon in a battle that will easily launch the victor onto the short list of contenders at lightweight.

Then again, Sir Isaac Newton did state that every action has an equal and opposite reaction, which might explain why Gabe Ruediger is getting his ass kicked by skateboarders these days.

After spending the entirety of 2011 feuding with former lightweight champion Frankie Edgar, which ended in his first career defeat, Maynard recently bounced back into the win column with a controversial split decision win over Clay Guida in the main event of UFC on FX 4. Although Maynard was thoroughly out-hustled for the majority of the fight, the significance of his offense in the latter rounds combined with Guida’s lack thereof was enough to earn him the nod.

Maynard will be facing the always entertaining Lauzon, who is currently 3-2 in his past five and most recently scored a third round triangle submission victory against former WEC champion Jamie Varner in their classic scrap at UFC on FOX 4. Lauzon has struggled in the past when facing top contenders, having dropped fights to Kenny Florian and Anthony Pettis in the past, but has also finished his opponents in all 22 of his victories. And although his cardio looked the best against Varner that it arguably ever has, there is no doubt that Maynard’s experience in the championship rounds will pay huge dividends if Lauzon isn’t able to put him away earlier.

After the jump: An update on Matt Hamill’s return to the octagon. Spoiler: His opponent just got a lot tougher.

(Unfortunately, Ishanguly Meretnyyazov was the referee for this bout, and Velasquez ended up winning 13-11 on points.) 

Sorry, Alistair, it looks like you’ll just have to wait your turn.

In an interview with MMAFighting’s Ariel Helwani that followed the UFC 150 post-fight press conference, Dana White was asked to answer a series of questions with simple “yes” or “no” answers. And although it seemed implausible that The Baldfather could ever go more than thirty seconds without uttering a certain curse word, he kindly obliged Helwani and spilled the beans in regards to several big questions currently circulating in the MMA world. Simply put, bullshit was cut through in record time.

And among the questions present in the back of Ariel’s (and everyone’s) mind was that of heavyweight champion Junior Dos Santos and who would be the next man to get viciously mauled to death  bravely sacrifice himself for the good of The Colony ”challenge” him for the title. To put it in the words of DW: Overeem – No, Velasquez – Yes. Although an event has yet to be named, White said in a seperate interview that the pair would likely collide on the annually stacked New Year’s Eve card, also known as the card that Overeem will totally be fighting on.

After the jump: A full video interview, which details everything from the future of the BJ Penn/Rory MacDonald match to the specifics of Jon Jones’ Nike deal, and more.

(Mike Swick and DaMarques Johnson combine their efforts to create not only the greatest punchface of 2012, but perhaps the greatest punchface of all time.) 

Aside from the disappointing and sudden end that came during the Phil Davis/Wagner Prado fight (which is tentatively being rescheduled for UFC on FX 5), last Saturday’s UFC on FOX event delivered in spades, featuring a main card that not only provided four highlight reel finishes for the night’s big winners, but a quartet of great fights that mainstream audiences had yet to witness on a FOX card. It more than likely came as a surprise to most of us that the card was as successful as it truly was, so with that in mind, we decided to dust off our beloved Armchair Matchmaker and pre-determine the fates of the aforementioned winners and losers from last weekend’s action. Enjoy, and let us know of any other possible matchups you’d like to see in the comments section.

Mauricio Rua: Despite smashing Brandon Vera’s title aspirations in rather brutal fashion, there is no denying that Shogun had some rather dicey moments leading up to the fourth round finish (that guillotine, for instance). After controlling Vera on the ground for the majority of the first, Shogun looked like he was fighting underwater by the end of the second. But as was the case in his previous loss to Dan Henderson, Shogun proved that what he lacks in cardio he more than makes up for in heart.

Still, it will take at least another “impressive” finish over an upper-echelon opponent before we are convinced that Shogun deserves another title shot. His total unwillingness to fight Glover Teixeira causes some pause for concern, and since it appears that Rashad Evans might be headed for 185 in the near future, we are left with only one suitable fit: Alexander Gustafsson. Last weekend basically cleared out the list of potential contenders at 205, and although we’d rather see Shogun and Lyoto Machida complete their trilogy for the right to take on the Bones/Hendo winner, we can’t hate on Dana White for following through on his promise. So if Rua/Gustafsson is all we’re left with, we’d be more than willing to watch these two throw down for a #1 contender spot. Let’s just hope Shogun packs his oxygen tank this time.