(Bobby Lashley has swelled up to Guy on the Right proportions. That’s worth your attention, right there.)
By Shep Ramsey
Unless you’ve been trapped in your basement savoring celebrity nudes for the past few days, you can’t ignore the UFC vs. Bellator showdown this Friday night. Both MMA organizations are going head-to-head, and to make the pot even sweeter, both events take place in the not-so-glorious state of Connecticut.
Are Dana White and Scott Coker both there to lobby for MMA regulation in nearby New York, or petition for the return of the Hartford Whalers? No.
Not since Donovan Bailey and Michael Johnson’s match of “Who Can Run Faster, You or Me” has the sporting world been on the edge of their seats for something of this magnitude. But first, a brief rundown of what’s been happening in each promotion.
Let’s begin with Bellator, the little-brother league that used to hold tournaments not only for its fighters to earn title shots, but also to give champions 14-month periods of rest between fights. Viacom, the mega broadcast company that currently pulls the strings, recently axed Bjorn Rebney from his presidential post for being a “dickrider,” and brought former Strikeforce mastermind Scott Coker into the fold to run this promotion before it runs itself into the ground. I mean, who else brought you the demise of Fedor Emilianenko, premiere women’s MMA battles, Frank Shamrock getting his arms broken by kicks, a post-fight brawl involving Californian gangs, and Gus “Call of the Century” Johnson?
As for the UFC, the promotion started out as an addictive source of violence after two casino heirs-turned-bodybuilders used their papa’s money to hire King Kong Bundy in a dress, and revolutionized the sport of MMA. Nowadays, UFC head honcho (and the sole reason why MMA exists) Dana White, has turned on the fans, media, and even fighters because nobody is watching the 2,034 shows his company puts on a year. Basically, it’s your fault that the UFC is watered down, and if you don’t like it, don’t watch it, but keep in mind, you’re a piece of trash for not watching and supporting fighters who are away from their families for six weeks. And fuck the media for telling you otherwise, because if they’re not with UFC, they have no business writing editorials or opinion columns that their employers pay them for.
So here we are on the eve of UFC Fight Night 50 (which really feels like 250) and Bellator 123 (which feels like 123, considering we have no idea what happened from 1 to 81). You have to pick one, and this writer is going to pretend that dual television sets, DVR, or sketchy Internet streams don’t exist. Which one is it going to be?
You bet your ass we’re watching Bellator…well, at least I am.