(Is that who we think it is? No wonder Guillard always chose “Thong Song” as his walkout music.) 

Tonight marks the UFC’s fourth biggest debut on a television network, so how appropriate is it that I, CagePotato’s fourth or fifth best writer, would be assigned to such an…assignment? Damn it, I really had something for that. Anyway, both Melvin Guillard and Jim Miller will be looking to rebound from tough losses and reestablish themselves amongst the UFC’s ever-growing 155 lb. division in tonight’s main event. Elsewhere on the card, Pat Barry and Christian Morecraft will likely be fighting for their jobs, and Jorge Rivera is calling it a career regardless of how his battle with Eric Schafer goes. Everyone raise your glass of Dos Equis in his honor.

So whether you’re watching the fights from your local watering hole or the privacy of your two story, five bedroom & three bathroom brownstone in the sky, join me, Jared Jones, as I recap the action round by round starting at 9 p.m. ET/ 6 p.m. PT, all whilst trying to find the perfect balance between Maker’s Mark, Yellow Tail, and Pabst Blue Ribbon. Allow me to preemptively apologize for any grammatical errors, delayed updates, and possibly racist, anti-semitic, or chauvinistic remarks that may or may not find their way onto this liveblog as a result. LETS DO THIS!!!

(Only then did Diego realize that a childhood full of frighteningly intense staring contests had been preparing him for this one perfect moment. Photo courtesy of Combat Lifestyle’s TUF 9 Finale weigh-in set.)

After a season that promised heated national rivalries and hilarious cultural misunderstandings produced very little of either, we finally get our payoff tonight.  Sure, aside from the two finale fights there are hardly any fighters from this season of “The Ultimate Fighter” on the card, but to make up for it we’ve got the positive-to-the-point-of-insanity Diego Sanchez, who nearly gave himself a heart attack during his bouts of flexing and staring at yesterday’s weigh-in.  

Will his blood pressure be similarly jacked through the roof tonight?  Will he find a way to incorporate the Tony Robbins firewalk into his entrance?  Might Clay Guida surprise us all by fighting like the blur of hair of fists that he used to be?  We’ll be waiting for those answers right along with you, so jump on board and remember to hit refresh often.  This train is fixin to leave the station.

(‘All I do is drink one shake for breakfast, another for lunch, then follow up with sensible dinner.  Many thanks, Nutrisystem.  If Wanderlei can do it, anyone can do it!’  Photo courtesy of Combat Lifestyle.)

Wie geht’s, Potato Nation?  You ready to see the nation of Germany get its collective mind blown when they realize, with some measure of disappointment, that the UFC is not a bare-knuckle brawl to the death?  I’m looking forward to it almost as much as I’m looking forward to seeing Cro Cop get his head kick on once again, while Wanderlei Silva and Rich Franklin battle for relevance in the UFC’s highly competitive catchweight divison.  We’re going to get started any minute now, so remember to hit refresh every so often to keep your ass current.