(This is why you should always wear a helmet when doing yes cartwheels.)

After his run at the UFC’s lightweight title ended in bloody failure, Diego Sanchez has decided to recommit himself to his most successful weight class. On Tuesday, the Nightmare confirmed via Twitter that he is indeed returning to welterweight, and will be taking on undefeated British prospect John Hathaway at UFC 114 (May 29th; Las Vegas). Sporting a 12-0 overall record, Hathaway made his Octagon debut last January with a first-round TKO over Thomas Egan, and followed it up with unanimous decision wins over Rick Story and Paul Taylor. The kid’s got moxie, but he’s never fought anybody on Sanchez’s level. Our advice? Try to do exactly what BJ Penn did.

UFC 114 is tentatively being headlined by the long-delayed grudge match between Rashad Evans and Quinton "Rampage" Jackson. Other rumored fights on the card include:

—Forrest Griffin vs. Antonio Rogerio Nogueria, which was originally slated for UFC 113 in Montreal, but has apparently been pushed back three weeks.

— Todd Duffee vs. Mike Russow; both fighters are looking to pick up their second wins in the UFC. Due to a back injury suffered in November, Duffee hasn’t competed since his seven-second knockout of Tim Hague at UFC 102. Russow also made his UFC debut at #102, earning a unanimous decision over Justin McCully.

(If you’re trying to find the pro fighter in this picture, look for the guy who is not wearing sunglasses at night.)

As part of their effort to make Cain Velasquez the MMA ambassador to the Hispanic community that Roger Huerta never quite became, the UFC sent out a press release today touting Velasquez’s appearance at tonight’s Latin Grammy Awards (8 pm EST on Univision).  Velasquez also filmed a short video segment with Puerto Rican reggaeton duo Wisin & Yandel (I had to do some googling to confirm that these are actual musical artists; the story checks out) that will lead off the broadcast.  So if you don’t want to watch the whole thing, but you want to see Cain riding around in a Porsche with the two slicksters in the above photo, you can get in and get out even if you have no idea what’s being said (hint: they’re probably all talking about you, and you have no idea).

In related news, recent Velasquez-victim Ben Rothwell is rumored to be taking on Mirko “Cro Cop” Filipovic at the UFC’s inaugural event in Australia on February 21.  We know, we know, didn’t Cro Cop retire because he didn’t have the game in him no more?  Turns out he wants another trip through the meat grinder, and Rothwell would be a pretty perfect opponent to give him one.  Both guys are fond of kicking and punching people, and both still need to prove themselves in the UFC.  And what the hell, the Australians have behaved themselves lately, so they deserve a little Rothwell-Cro Cop action.  We have to forgive those poor bastards for Men at Work some time.  They suffered just as much as we did.

(Josh Neer: just a hairless orangutan trying to make it in this big, bad world.)

It was hardly surprising to see Josh Neer get the boot from the UFC after his decision loss against Gleison Tibau at UFC 104, and it’s even less surprising that his manager, Mickey Dubberly of KO Dynasty, issued a statement to assure the throng of Neer fans that “The Dentist” would be back in the UFC as soon as he wins a couple in the minor leagues.  But what’s oddly telling is the rationale Dubberly used to make it seem as though Neer was the aggrieved party in all this, and how similar that rationale is to Neer’s attitude in his last two losing efforts in the UFC:

Unfortunately Josh was matched up with fighters that wanted to take him down and lay on him to grind out a victory. If you are going to take Josh down then at least try to finish him, just don’t lay on him and hold him down. Most fighters are not going to want to stand and bang with Josh, and they just want to play it safe, hold him down, and get the win. Josh wants to put on exciting fights, and there is nothing more frustrating to Josh than not to put on an exciting fight for the fans. Right now we have a few offers from different organizations that want to sign Josh immediately so we are just weighing our options, and going with the best opportunity for Josh. Josh will be back in the UFC after he wins a few fights outside the UFC. We appreciate all the support Josh’s fans have given him.

You know that annoyed face Neer started making every time he was taken down by Tibau in his last fight, and by Kurt Pellegrino in the fight before that?  This statement is basically that facial expression put into words.

Unless Jon Fitch is just screwing with us by purposely spreading false information, it seems like he will not be fighting Ricardo Almeida at UFC 106 on November 21.  Fitch announced via Twitter that Almeida had injured his knee and been forced to pull out of the bout, so Fitch will get “a bigger, better fight instead.”  If you’re wondering how the UFC got a big star to agree to face Fitch on a month’s notice, don’t.  Fitch says the bout has been moved to a later date, which flings the door open wide to allow almost any UFC welterweight to walk in.  So before we speculate wildly we must ask ourselves: who would Fitch’s fans have wanted to see him fight for a long time? 

(For the sake of perspective, let’s recall how "The Simpsons" has portrayed the boxing world in the past.)

Here’s a newsflash for you.  Remember that MMA-themed episode of “The Simpsons” that we were pleasantly surprised with, if only because it wasn’t as hackneyed and completely unfunny as every episode of the show for the last six or seven years has been?  Well, UFC president Dana White wasn’t laughing, and not just because he lacks the ability to find anything funny if it doesn’t involve someone getting shocked:

"I was disappointed," White says. "I think it was typical of people that don’t know anything about the sport. I know it’s for fun, but the second half of it really wasn’t even funny. …We like fighting.  But to make it sound like the UFC crowd is this bloodthirsty crowd that shows up and just want to see people get their (butts) kicked — that’s not true. That’s the stigma that the mainstream has of us. … The Simpsons program will show you how mainstream we’re not.” 

While it’s hard to argue with DW when he says that the portrayal of MMA and its fans on a cartoon comedy was a little reductive and not 100% accurate, it seems like he’s missing the point.  This is an over-the-top attempt at satire.  When “The Simpsons” does shows on anything – even mainstream sports like football or baseball – accurate representation is not the goal.  For instance, there’s this:

(Your problem now, Indiana.)

Well, this is probably a bad sign.  Just a week after being fired from the UFC for an assault arrest following what may or may not have been a suicide attempt, Junie Allen Browning is wasting no time getting back into action. The mercurial lightweight reportedly has a bout set for November 28 at MMA Big Show: Onslaught at the Belterra Casino in Florence, Indiana.  Browning will be taking on 1-0 Ohio-based fighter Scott Cornwell, and he’ll be doing it just across the state line from his hometown of Lexington, Kentucky.

According to MMA Big Show owner/promoter Jason Appleton, who wrote the website article in which he quoted himself, “’I’ve seen Junie fight in Louisville, KY back in the day as an amateur and he always put on a hell of a show. Him and his brother were always fun to watch,’ explains Jason Appleton.”

Yep, we’re just going to act like nothing unusual at all is going on here.  That always works out for the best.

(Props: ComingSoon.net)

As "Rampage" Jackson ponders a film career at the expense of a fighting one, he may want to take a look at Randy Couture‘s recent work in "The Expendables."  Granted, this is just the trailer, but Couture has all of one line in it (no action movie is complete without someone uttering, "We’ve got company"), and he doesn’t even get called out at the end with the rest of the crew.  Think of it as a glimpse into your future, ‘Page.  The MMA world may think of you as a star, but to the general movie-going audience you’re just another dude who works cheap and can act well enough in short bursts.

Other than that, thoughts on the trailer?  Sure, it looks formulaic and incredibly derivative, but part of the appeal of an action movie like this is that you know exactly what you’re going to get.  I swear, though, if I go see this thing and Jet Li gets to hack his way through more lines than Couture (who plays a character named "Toll Road"), I’m going to be seriously disappointed.

(Props: MMA TKO)

We haven’t heard much out of Rich Franklin since his TKO loss to Vitor Belfort at UFC 103, but recently his manager popped up to complain about the illegal blows “Ace” suffered at the very end of the fight.  While J.T. Stewart insists that this is not about “sour grapes,” he says he’s disappointed that everyone saw fit to overlook what he saw as a series of illegal blows just before the stoppage, and wonders why there wasn’t a break in the action due to the blows to the back of Franklin’s head:

“Would it have changed the outcome?  Maybe not. But this is about fighter safety. This isn’t just about Rich Franklin; it’s about Rich and every other fighter knowing the rules will be enforced, whether the fight is about to be stopped or not. … “There’s been no discussion about it.  None. It’s a disappointing [sic]. The commissions, referees, fighters – everyone could have improved the safety of the sport by examining and discussing this situation. But because most people thought the outcome was a foregone conclusion, everyone conveniently ignored it."

That’s one assessment of the situation.  The other is that, as illegal blows go, this is a bit of a gray area. 

(Is Mitrione dumb, or too smart for your tiny brain to even comprehend?)

Matt Mitrione got a lot of heat for his inability to keep a secret on last night’s episode of “The Ultimate Fighter,” and his less than compelling ‘switch it up’ defense may have resulted in him coming off as, for lack of a better word, a complete idiot.  But don’t be fooled, Mitrione says in his FightMagazine.com blog, for all is not as it seems:

I’m the villain of tonight’s episode but reality TV isn’t always real. Because of the nature of the show I can’t get into the details right now but it’s safe to say that Scott Junk threw me under the bus. …I found out that Justin Wren was going to fight Scott Junk and for reasons I can’t get into right now I told Junk. For some reason he told Wren and then he gets on the f***in’ video and calls me a f***in’ meathead who can’t control his mouth.

(Whaddaya say, Royce. Wanna do it again?)

Matt Hughes may not know exactly what he wants to do with the new four-fight contract that he signed with the UFC, but he definitely knows what he doesn’t want to do.  Fights with young welterweight up-and-comers like Josh Koscheck and Mike Swick?  Not interested.  A third chance at getting his first victory over Denis Hallman?  No thanks.  How about simply completing the entire four-fight deal?  No guarantees there, either.  So what the hell does Hughes want to do with the remainder of his career?  I don’t know, you got any more washed-up legends laying around?

As far as who I fight next? You know, looking at these younger kids who are wanting to come in and be the next world champion or be the next contender, I don’t know what I’m going to do. I don’t know if I’ll take on those guys.  There are plenty of older guys out there with big names who can fight, too. I like to take fights where I’ve got something to win. If I take a fight against Mike Swick or Josh Kosheck, I’ve really got nothing to gain from that fight besides a paycheck and beating somebody up. They’ve got more to win than I do. Those aren’t the kinds of fights that interest me.

Royce Gracie was a big fight, you know? It was a huge name, a guy that had won the old tournaments in the beginning. Those are the fights I like, the ones I can really get revved up for and get motivated. Those are the kinds of fights that gets me into the gym ready to train and work.

(The Coleman: this year’s most terrifying Halloween costume. Photo courtesy of MMA Authentics.)

If Tito Ortiz thought he could call Mark Coleman a sissy for pulling out of their UFC 106 fight on November 21 without any repercussions whatsoever, he clearly didn’t account for Coleman’s manager, Mike DiSabato.  After Ortiz ripped his fighter on Twitter, DiSabato fired back by blasting Ortiz for “get[ting] personal with a legend,” then launched into a tirade about Ortiz and his porn star girlfriend, Jenna Jameson.  That’s right.  He went there:

“The only thing Coleman is afraid of when it comes to Tito is contracting swine flu from that dirty ass d-bag.  We all know where he lays his head down at night. Tito wants to get personal with a legend? OK, let’s get personal – we can all go to our porn collections and watch what Tito sleeps with night after night.”

There are only two words we can say about that.  They are OH and SNAP.  Turns out that Coleman’s purported sissyness is the result of a torn MCL, though DiSabato says Coleman will be ready to fight by January 2 and suggested that the fight be postponed until UFC 108.  Presumably that will also give Coleman’s camp more time to have Ortiz tested for swine flu, which, as we all know, is the scourge of the porn industry.

(Paul Daley shows off a completely different kind of punch face.)

There was a time when fighting Matt Hughes meant signing up to get slammed through the mat before being mercilessly pounded on and dominated in a way that makes even tough guys want to go cry in the shower.  Now, instead of being a feared force in the UFC’s welterweight division, he’s the guy everyone wants to fight, preferably soon, before anyone else has a chance to put a beating on him and claim whatever is left of the Hughes luster.  It’s not enough of an indignity for a former champ to have every 170-pounder at AKA putting his name in the streets, now Paul Daley is doing it too:

“I want to fight Hughes, firstly because he’s a legend and second he’s former welterweight champion. He has a win over the current welterweight champion, and he has all the skills to exploit my weaknesses that the media and my ‘fans’ so often talk about. …I want Hughes, I don’t see why he wouldn’t want to fight me, unless he thinks he’s gonna lose.”

First of all, Daley’s two reasons for wanting a fight with Hughes are really one reason: Matt Hughes has a big name.  But he does have a point when he says that Hughes has the tools to help us find out if Daley’s ground game is truly as weak as advertised.  At least, the old Hughes had those tools. 

(King of the world.)

While a concussion sustained in training cost him a chance to fight Martin Kampmann to determine the UFC’s top welterweight contender, Mike Swick didn’t have to wait long for another fight offer to come his way.  The AKA product has agreed to face Dan Hardy at UFC 105 in Manchester, England on November 14,  and the winner will likely get the next shot at Georges St. Pierre’s title.  We called up Swick to discuss the news, and to ask him some other pressing questions, like, what’s up with AKA fighters and their fixation on calling out Matt Hughes?  As usual, Swick did not disappoint.

So you and Dan Hardy at UFC 105.  Is this official, bout agreements signed and everything?

Yeah, I signed it right when it came in.

What did you think when they offered you Hardy?

I was excited just to get the opportunity.  I actually agreed before I knew who it was.  The UFC just called me and asked if I’d like to fight on November 14 and I said yes.  Then later my manager called as well and said that there was an injury and they needed a replacement, and I told him to tell the UFC that whoever it was they had in mind, I’d fight him.  So the UFC came back and said it’s Dan Hardy, or if for some reason Dan Hardy can’t make the fight it could be someone else, and I said yeah, let’s do it.  I’m just excited to get back in there.  I didn’t want to have to wait until January.

(‘What’s my all-time favorite war? That’s your question? Come on, man. Franco-Prussian, obviously. No contest.’)

Remember a few weeks ago when we made a bet with Shane Carwin involving the University of Montana/Western State football game?  The deal was, if Western won we had to write an article about all the ways Carwin is better than us (for example, there’s this), but if they lost he had to give us an exclusive interview.  Well, Western didn’t just lose.  They got blown out 38-0.  Now it’s time for us to collect.

But rather than simply pestering Carwin with the usual questions about his preparation for Brock Lesnar and his alma mater’s complete inability to convert on third down, we decided to open the floor to you, our readers, and see what you’d like to ask the big man.  Before submitting your question for Carwin in the comments below, you might want to start by asking yourself:

1) Would I still ask him this if we were alone in a windowless room together?
2) Does anyone other than me actually care about the answer to this question?
3) Did I accidentally leave my caps lock button on?  For the last several months?

Once you’ve done that, you’re ready to put a question to the Engineer.  Go ‘head, knock yourself out.  We’ll look them over and choose the ones we like best for inclusion in the interview.  Check back later in the week to see if your question made the cut, as well as to find out exactly what Carwin thinks of your query.  Think of this as your chance to atone for failing to come up with a nickname that he liked.

(Maybe Lesnar should not have eaten those brownies that Eddie Bravo gave him before coming to this event.)

The heavyweight title fight between Brock Lesnar and Shane Carwin at UFC 106 is a little less than two months away now, and we all know what that means: it’s time for Lesnar to rev up his dismissive trash-talk machine, which is what he affectionately calls his brain.  Talking to the Las Vegas Sun, Lesnar advanced the theory that since the only high-profile fighter Carwin has beaten was Gabriel Gonzaga, he’s really only 1-0 in his MMA career, I mean if you think about it, so there’s really nothing to worry about against him.  Then, as if that weren’t dickish enough, he went and said this about old Hulk Hands:

“He’s a tough guy and a wrestler. But he’s a Division II national champion — enough said.”

Well, looks like Lesnar just exposed himself as a Division-ist.  Look, he’s not saying those Division II champs are all bad.  Some of his best friends are Division II wrestlers.  He’s just saying that there are certain things they don’t get to do, like be the UFC heavyweight champ or ride in the front of the bus.

(‘Rampage, I’m not saying that you’ve turned into a little Spencer Pratt-acting, Hollywood punk bitch. But your actions and your statements lately have been very Spencer Pratt, Hollywood punk bitch-esque.’)

It’s been a while since old CP had to lay the ban hammer down on something.  Ever since people stopped comparing Kimbo Slice to Mike Tyson, it just hasn’t seemed quite as necessary.  But when we read both Rashad Evans and “Rampage” Jackson insisting, on separate days and in separate venues, that they would fight one another for free, we felt that we had no choice.  It stops here, gentlemen.  No more offering to fight for free.  

Here’s why:

(‘My heart, she breaks.’)

The sadists among you who were hoping Mirko “Cro Cop” Filipovic would go back home to Croatia and rediscover the will to fight by repeatedly kicking a wall at his family’s home, well, you’re about to be disappointed.  Cro Cop has now officially called it quits, telling Nokaut.com that he has “no motivation left and it’s time to leave.”  He also reportedly told his manager, Zvonimir Lucic, to release the various members of Team Cro Cop, which we assume included a young, bright-eyed intern who refused to accept the news and tried in vain to get a “Cro Cop” chant going even as everyone else filed silently out of the room.  

A sad day in MMA history, but a necessary one.  The game just ain’t in him no more.  We’ve already paid him a tribute, but allow us to dedicate one more video after the jump:

(Cancel those food stamp applications, boys.  Things are going to be okay.)

Just as the MMA world had digested the news that welterweight Tamdan McCrory and middleweight Thales Leites were being released from the UFC following decision losses at UFC 101, Dana White throws us all for a loop by telling Kevin Iole that not only are they both still employed with the organization, he apparently “wasn’t aware of plans to drop both Leites and welterweight Tamdan McCrory and said he would reverse those decisions.”

(Photo courtesy of daylife.com.)

Yesterday, we mentioned that the UFC had made the unexpected decision to bring back old-timer Dennis Hallman after a four-year absence from the organization. Now we’ve learned that the UFC has re-signed another hardy veteran, adding a fight between 38-year-old Vladimir Matyushenko and Igor Pokrajac to UFC 103. A one-time UFC light-heavyweight title contender, Matyushenko went 3-2 in the UFC from 2001-2003, scoring wins over Yuki Kondo, Travis Wiuff, and Pedro Rizzo. Since then, the Janitor has gone 9-1, became the IFL’s light-heavyweight champion, and most recently won a decision over Jason Lambert at Call to Arms 1 in May. It was also reported that 35-year-old PRIDE/UFC vet Marcus Aurelio will be returning later this month at UFC 102. Between Vlad, Aurelio, Hallman, Ortiz, and the possibility that Chuck Liddell isn’t quite retired, it’s clear what’s going on here: TUF 11: Last Call. The coaches will be Chuck and Tito, the minimum age will be 33, and the winner will receive $100,000 in prescription medication.

(The Hallman/Hughes story. Could Matt Hughes be getting one more shot at revenge before he retires?)

— Anderson Silva‘s manager Ed Soares has debunked a report by Yahoo! Sports in which he was quoted as saying Silva wanted to give up his middleweight title to compete as a light-heavyweight permanently. As Soares told MMA Weekly: “It’s not true. I never said that to Dana. I have said to Dana that he’d like to fight again at 205 (but not permanently)…he wants the biggest fights possible, whether it’s at 205 or 185.” Silva and Soares still aren’t psyched about an impending rematch with Dan Henderson: "I feel a true number one (middleweight contender) would be if Henderson fought the winner of Nate Marquardt and Damian Maia…we could take another fight at 205 or a catchweight fight (in the meantime).”

— For the fourth time in his career, Dennis "Superman" Hallman has signed a contract to fight in the UFC. He expects to make his next UFC appearance sometime this fall. Hallman is best known for two lightning-quick submission victories over Matt Hughes, the second of which came at Hallman’s Octagon debut at UFC 29 in December 2000. The 33-year-old fighter lost subsequent UFC fights to Jens Pulver, Frank Trigg, and Jorge Rivera, and is currently on a four-fight win streak, with two of those fights taking place in Strikeforce.

(Photo courtesy of UFC.com)

Some frighteningly dominant performances mixed with some very mediocre ones to form this edition of the Potato Index.  Our arbitrary numerical rankings system sorts through each fighter’s rise or fall after UFC 101.  Were we the only ones who locked our door and slept with the lights on after watching Anderson Silva?  Even then we had nightmares about his fade-away jab and woke up hearing his lengthy Portuguese shout-out echoing in our ears.  Freaky.

Anderson Silva +411
Simply finishing a fight and looking like his old self again would have been enough.  Instead Silva puts on a Jedi striking display and makes a top-ten light heavyweight look like a special needs child.  Might as well go up to 205 lbs. for good now.  The middleweights have suffered enough under his reign.

Forrest Griffin -276
Maybe the most embarrassing knockout ever, and that was after about three minutes of the most one-sided fight in recent memory.  Does it help to know that it came at the hands of the sport’s pound-for-pound best?  Probably not.  Feel better, FoGriff.

(Sure, the last few decades saw boxing’s world titles become diluted to the point of being almost meaningless, but it was a boom time for the gold and leather-working industries.)

Since talk has died down recently about Roy Jones Jr. fighting Anderson Silva once his obligations to the UFC are fulfilled, seems like a good time for a cheap publicity-grabbing trip to Philly, doesn’t it?  That’s why RJJ announced via press release late Friday afternoon that he’d be attending UFC 101 tonight to see this Silva guy in action for himself.  But lest you be tempted to think it’s just a formerly great fighter wanting to enjoy the work of a currently great one, you should note that a) he sent out a goddamn press release about it, and b) of that press release, one sentence mentions Jones’ desire to see Silva fight in person, while the other two and a half paragraphs are devoted to telling you when, where, and for how much you can see his next fight with Jeff Lacy.

In other words, Jones is trying to see if he can’t get a little bit of the media spotlight devoted to UFC 101 in general, and Anderson Silva in particular, to spill on him.  We could look at that as a sign that Jones is desperate for attention in the last few years of his flagging career.  I prefer to look at it as a sign that MMA and the UFC have gotten so big time that the boxing world definitely wants some of what we got.  Can you blame them?

Don’t forget that we’ll be liveblogging tonight’s event, bringing you UFC 101 results and commentary all night long.  Meanwhile, Cage Potato reader Lebowski1976 will be enjoying the action live and in person.  How ‘bout pouring some out for the homies who couldn’t be there tonight, Lebowski.  Then go get your picture taken with the new Octagon girl.

(Who’s ready for round two?)

Ben Rothwell hasn’t even had his first UFC fight yet, but he’s already got his eye on the UFC heavyweight title.  He even has a little insight about the man who holds it, and how best to go about taking it from him.  

While talking to Rothwell about his impending debut at UFC 104 against Chase Gormley – the same opponent he was originally scheduled to face at Affliction: Trilogy – the conversation turned to other UFC heavyweights like “Ultimate Fighter” season ten participant Roy Nelson, who Rothwell had a memorable clash with in the IFL.  While Rothwell said he’s absolutely expecting a rematch with Nelson in the UFC, he went on to say that he thought of both Gormley and Nelson as preparation for a fight with UFC champ Brock Lesnar:

(This is a picture of Brian Foster. It is what it is. Props to thehitsquad.com.)

In our almost-daily update of fighters who were supposed to compete at Affliction: Trilogy…

— New UFC welterweight acquisition Paul "Semtex" Daley is expected to make his Octagon debut against H.I.T. Squad product Brian Foster (10-3) at UFC 103 (September 19th, Dallas), according to MMA Weekly. Foster is currently on a three-fight win streak, and eight of his ten career wins have come by first-round stoppage. UFC 103 will be headlined by Rich Franklin vs. Vitor Belfort, which will now be at a catchweight of 195 pounds.

(One more round for old time’s sake?)

Though Dana White was hoping he could announce the signing of Fedor Emelianenko at this afternoon’s much-anticipated UFC press conference, it was not meant to be. DW said he did everything he could possibly do to get Emelianenko into the Octagon and offered him an "amazing" deal, but M-1′s dogged desire for co-promotion sunk the negotiations, which made Dana "fucking miserable." Still, there were some major announcements to share, which are sure to get MMA fans talking:

— UFC 103‘s main event has been thankfully changed to Rich Franklin vs. Vitor Belfort. The match will be contested at light-heavyweight. Dan Henderson will likely get the next crack at Anderson Silva‘s middleweight belt, possibly followed by the winner of the Nate Marquardt/Demian Maia match at UFC 102.

— Tito Ortiz (remember that guy?) is back in the UFC, and plans to fight before the end of the year. Mark Coleman has been named as a possible opponent.

(In retrospect, Dan should have never accepted that "Hertz Donut." Photo courtesy of AllElbows.)

The feeding frenzy continues, as the WEC and UFC have reportedly picked up a few more solid additions in the wake of Affliction’s demise. Here’s the latest…

— According to Sherdog, the featherweight bout between Javier Vazquez and L.C. Davis that was supposed to take place during the undercard of "Trilogy" will now take place at WEC 42: Torres vs. Bowles (August 9th, Las Vegas). Vazquez (13-2) is a former King of the Cage and Gladiator Challenge champion who most recently choked out Mark Kergosian in 19 seconds at last month’s Ultimate Chaos show; it was just his third fight since 2003. Davis (also 13-2) is an IFL vet whose most recent decision loss to Michihiro Omigawa at Sengoku 7 in March dropped him from our featherweight top ten list.

(Props: drunkenunicorn)

According to Fighters Only, the UFC has just rescued Paul "Semtex" Daley from Affliction’s wreckage, signing the British 170-pounder to a four-fight contract. Daley, who was scheduled to fight Jay Hieron on the undercard of "Trilogy" before the event was canceled, is the former Cage Rage welterweight champion, and sports a record of 21-8-2, with 17 of his wins coming via stoppage due to strikes. He holds notable wins over Duane Ludwig, Jess Liaudin, Xavier Foupa-Pokam, and John Alessio. As FO explains:

("Don’t worry, Fedor, there will be other offers. Say, would you like to open for a puppet show in Stockton this weekend?" Photo courtesy of 5oz.)

You gotta be kidding me with this shit. According to Carmichael Dave (via Bloody Elbow), here’s what the UFC was offering Fedor to sign with them:

(Those smiles could only mean one thing: Dana and the boys have cooked up a crazy scheme to steal the Westbury High School mascot…again.)

When Dana White announces his future intention to make a big announcement, it’s sort of like your girlfriend saying, ‘Can I ask you something?’  You have no idea what’s coming.  It could be something awesome and big, like ‘What would you think about having a threesome with the hot German girl who lives next door?’ or it could be something like, ‘Do you think I should get bangs?’  You just never know, but the endless possibilities make the moment of anticipation that much more exciting.

According to a recent report from The Sun, Friday’s Dana White announcement will be slightly more hairstyle than it is threesome, at least for those of us in the US of A.  The UK news outlet reports that the UFC will announce a deal with the newly formed UK ESPN channel to broadcast events across the pond, essentially replacing the deal the UFC had with the now-defunct Setanta Sports.  The UK ESPN channel is reportedly set to launch on August 3, and they could turn right around and broadcast UFC 101 on August 8.  

(When reached for comment, a source speaking on the condition of anonymity also confirmed for us that "Bloodsport" was totally kickass.)

Don’t get too excited just yet, but a media outlet that is neither an internet forum nor a celebrity gossip site is reporting that a deal to bring Fedor Emelianenko to the UFC is being “finalized” and will be announced later this week.  Because, much like Jay Hieron, we’ve had our hearts broken too many times to get our hopes up, we’re remaining skeptical for the moment despite the L.A. Times’ assertion (via WKR) that negotiations have been “very civil.”

If you’re looking for reasons to believe this report, the UFC did send out an email to announce a conference call on Friday wherein Dana White “will break all the latest news and developments.”  Then again, Fedor has a press conference scheduled for Wednesday.  If he’s signed a deal or is at least close to one, he’d have to either steal the UFC’s thunder by announcing it two days before them, or else say nothing of interest and generally waste everyone’s time.  

Of course there’s always the possibility that his press conference will have nothing to do with his MMA future at all and will instead be a forum for him to answer questions about his newest short story collection, “What We Talk About When We Talk About Stoic Russian Indifference,” but again, let’s not get our hopes up.