(You have no idea how right you are.) 

What in the name of Science is this bullshit? Fresh off a victory over Marcus LeVesseur at UFC on FUEL 3, it has been announced that the inventor of the deadliest guillotine choke known to man, TUF 12 veteran Cody McKenzie, will be making his featherweight debut at UFC 148, which transpires from the MGM Grand Garden Casino in Las Vegas on July 7th. Welcoming him to 145 lbs will be…Chad Mendes? Didn’t he just fight JOSE F’ING ALDO FOR THE F’ING TITLE?! Did McKenzie piss off Dana White, or is this Karma’s way of punishing him for making Josh Koscheck look like even more of a clown on the set of TUF 10? If it’s the latter, then Karma is a dick. A high school Letterman jacket wearing, clove cigarette smoking, man ass motorboating dick.

As we all know, McKenzie has won 11 of his 13 professional victories by way of his signature vice-grip like submission, aptly dubbed “The McKenzietine,” which has earned him a spot amongst the greatest one-trick ponies of all time. Mendes, on the other hand, has never been submitted, and is coming off the first blemish of his career, which came via brutal first round knockout to Aldo. Why it was decided that these two should face off is nothing short of baffling.

(Tom Lawlor: The UFC’s undisputed Seven Up champion.) 

Maybe it’s just us, but it seems like it’s getting harder and harder to drum up a potential list of future opponents for the winners of a given UFC card these days. Not only are most fighters already booked for the promotion’s ever-increasing amount of cards, but the ones selected for title shots are seemingly being drawn out of a hat. Be that as it may, we are going to try and sift through the wreckage of last night’s UFC on FUEL card and determine who the big winners should face next. Enjoy.

Chan Sung Jung: We’ll be the first to admit that we underestimated “The Korean Zombie” heading into yesterday’s fight. But aside from his excellent transitions on the ground, or that amazing takedown reversal to mount he was able to pull off, the thing that impressed us the most about Jung was his tranquility. While Poirier was throwing his best shots at him, Jung remained calm, and worked his way out of every hairy situation like a true pro. He deserves a title shot, and Dana White claims that he is next in line for one. And The Baldfather would never go back on his word. Just ask Anthony Pettis.

(Wear it like a champion. Or at the very least, like a #1 contender.)

Y’know, it would have been helpful last week if we knew that Jung vs. Poirier was going to be a five-round fight. (Serves me right for trusting the word of a fly-by-night MMA fan-blog.) Though we got a wide variety of guesses in our TrauMMA/No Mas fight-picking contest, none of you guessed that the fight would go to the championship rounds, probably because you didn’t know that it was even a possibility.

Nevertheless, the two closest picks belonged to spidey811 (“Zombie def. Poirier via Anaconda Choke at 3:54 in Round 3 [Submission of the Night]“) and topdog (“Jung def Poirier via submission (RNC) @ 3:23 of rd 3 [Submission of the night]“) — who will both be getting the new Korean Zombie t-shirt from TrauMMA Combat Apparel.

Honorable mention goes to Freddyboiiiii, who predicted a second-round submission win for Jung, and correctly guessed that the fight would pick up the Submission of the Night and Fight of the Night bonuses. That’s good enough for a CagePotato t-shirt, I think. If your name has been called, please send your real name, shirt size, and address to contest@cagepotato.com, and we’ll send out your prizes ASAP. Thanks again to TrauMMA for the hookup!

(Stay away from the light, Dustin! Stay away from the light!) 

Ladies and gentlemen of the Potato Nation, the end times are upon us. Last night, a quiet, unassuming man named Chan Sung Jung escaped from a remote Korean testing facility and wound up in Fairfax, Virginia. Needing to fulfill certain diversity requirements that had long eluded them, the people of Fairfax embraced and accepted him with open arms, completely unaware that he was in fact patient zero of a zombie-like virus that would spell the untimely demise of the human race. Those ignoramuses.

Before they even knew what had hit them, reports of strange occurrences were popping up from county to county, then state to state. Having caught the latter half of the movie Outbreak on TBS just a few weeks prior, the people of Fairfax knew that they had to capture the source of the disease if they were ever to restore order to the chaos they had created. So they sent forth their bravest virologist, a man by the name of Dustin Poirier, to subdue the host and bring him back for testing. Early reports claimed that “The Diamond” would have little to no trouble accomplishing this feat, as he had successfully extinguished every threat placed before him since joining the Zuffa corporation.

How wrong they were.

For nearly twenty minutes, the two engaged in an all out war of attrition, one that would determine the very fate of mankind. He put up a hell of a fight, but as much as it saddens us to say this, we are officially doomed. Poirier was infected by “The Korean Zombie (virus),” and chances are that you will be soon as well. Early symptoms include raucous use of the phrase, “HOLY SHIT BRO”, an ability to absorb a tremendous amount of punishment, $80,000 cash, drowsiness, and cramps.

(Props: FoxSports)

The main event of last night’s UFC on FUEL TV 3 event blew past its already high expectations. “The Korean Zombie” Chan Sung Jung and Dustin Poirier set a frenetic pace for over three rounds, with Jung dominating the fight both in the standup and on the ground. In the end, Jung rocked Poirier with punches and a flying knee, and put “Diamond” to sleep on the mat with a d’arce choke at the 1:07 mark of round four. You can check out highlights from their scrap above, including an excerpt from Jung’s astounding grappling clinic in round two.

The match earned both men $40,000 Fight of the Night bonuses, and Jung picked up an additional $40k for the event’s Submission of the Night (“What about meeeeeeee?!” – The McKenzietine). Knockout of the Night went to Tom Lawlor, who celebrated his birthday then starched Jason MacDonald in just 50 seconds.

After the jump: Dustin Poirier gets emotional in a post-fight interview with Ariel Helwani, and full results from UFC on FUEL TV: Korean Zombie vs. Poirier.

(Impressed, Jung decided to get a tattoo of the outline of Louisiana, mistaking it as the American symbol for “courage.” / Photo courtesy of CombatLifestyle. For more photos from this set, click here.)

Tonight at the Patriot Center in Fairfax, Virginia, two of the most exciting forces in the featherweight division will square off for the next shot at the UFC’s 145-pound belt. After a 2011 that saw him twist up Leonard Garcia then knock out Mark Hominick in seven seconds, “The Korean Zombie” Chan Sung Jung now faces Dustin Poirier, the 23-year-old phenom who’s smashed through four straight opponents during his time in the Octagon.

Also on the six-fight UFC on FUEL TV 3 main card: TUF winner Amir Sadollah returns against Jorge Lopez, Donald Cerrone throws down against Jeremy Stephens, and Tom “Neo Genki” Lawlor meets up with Canadian vet Jason MacDonald.

Handling the play-by-play for this evening is Justin Corey, better known around these parts as Kid Clam Curtains. Live results from the FUEL TV main card will be piling up after the jump beginning at 8 p.m. ET / 5 p.m. PT. Refresh the page every few minutes for all the latest.

(Shirt image via TrauMMACombat.com)

In honor of Chan Sung Jung‘s upcoming fight against Dustin Poirier at UFC on FUEL 3 on Tuesday, TrauMMA Combat Apparel has released a brand-new “Korean Zombie” t-shirt that you can buy right here for $29.99. But we know that thirty bucks is hard to come by in this economy, so how ’bout we give you a chance to win one for free?

You know how this works: Submit your prediction for the Zombie vs. Poirier main event in the comments section below by Monday night at midnight ET, including the winner, method of victory, and time/round of stoppage (if applicable). No need to include judges’ scores if you’re predicting a decision, but for the purposes of a tie-breaker, please include which end-of-night bonus you think the fight will win, if you think it’ll be bonus-worthy. Your entry should look like this…

Jung def. Poirier via split-decision [Fight of the Night]
or
Poirier def. Jung via submission (triangle choke), 3:54 of round 2 [Submission of the Night]
or
Jung def. Poirier via TKO, 1:59 of round 3 [no bonus]

And there’s just one more twist…

(Props: Pepper and Bones)

After paying his dues for the last three years, Fightville star Dustin Poirier will have his first UFC headlining appearance at UFC on FUEL 3: Korean Zombie vs. Poirier, May 15th in Fairfax, Virginia. And what better way to prepare for Chan Jung Sung than facing down an invasion of the undead? Remember Dustin, all it takes is one good shot to the head…

Fightville debuts this Friday in select theaters (NY/LA), video-on-demand (Comcast, Cox, Time Warner Cable), and digital download (iTunes, Xbox, VUDU).

Photo courtesy of fighthousemanagement.com

Yesterday, the UFC announced that top bantamweights Renan Barao and Ivan Menjivar are now scheduled to meet at UFC 148. Barao, who was initially scheduled to meet Jeff Hougland at the event, confirmed the switch on his Twitter account by saying “Menjivar is my new opponent at UFC 148. I know him.” Brevity is the soul of wit, people.

Don’t be surprised if the winner of this fight meets the winner of UFC 148′s (expected) main event clash between Urijah Faber and champion Dominick Cruz. Both fighters are 3-0 in the octagon, with Menjivar coming off of a wild, back and forth fight against John Albert at UFC on FUEL, which saw “The Pride of El Salvador” take home a first round rear-naked choke victory and Submission of the Night honors. Meanwhile, Barao has gone twenty nine straight fights without a loss. His most recent fight was a dominant performance against Scott Jorgensen at UFC 143, which saw him take home a unanimous decision victory.

As for Barao’s initial opponent? Jeff Hougland will step in for an injured Mike Easton to fight Yves Jabouin at UFC on FUEL 3.

(Struve channels his inner Keanu Reeves during his UFC 130 bout against Travis Browne.) 

In a fight that is all but guaranteed to end in a decisive, if not brutally violent fashion, it appears that heavyweight contenders Stefan “Skyscraper” Struve and Mark “Mark” Hunt are set to collide at UFC 146, which now features an all heavyweight lineup as its main card for the first time in UFC history. Thank God it’s not being held at a high altitude.

We know what you’re thinking: WHY IS TIM SYLVIA NOT ON THIS CARD?!!!

Hunt has had perhaps the most startling career resurgence in recent memory, scoring three straight octagon victories over Chris Tuchscherer, Ben Rothwell, and most recently Cheick Kongo, with two of those victories coming by way of destructive KO. This was made even more shocking due to the fact that Hunt was only picked up by the UFC in order to fulfill a contract he had signed back in his PRIDE days before the organization was absorbed by Zuffa.

Struve, on the other hand, will be looking to add another three fight win streak to his current 7-3 octagon record come May 26th. We last saw him at UFC on FUEL: Sanchez vs. Ellenberger, when he dispatched Manbearpig Dave Herman via second round TKO. Prior to that, Struve choked out our boy Pat Barry in the first round of their UFC Live 6 co-headliner bout.

UFC 146 transpires at the MGM Grand in Las Vegas and features a main event title clash between Junior Dos Santos and Alistair Overeem.

In other fight booking news…

(“Like Miesha, Poirier will get to have his cake and eat it too.”)

It looks like the best way to get the UFC’s attention these days is to call out an opponent on Twitter.

Dustin Poirier mentioned via Twitter two days ago that he would like a fight with “The Korean Zombie.” Today UFC officials announced that the pair will square off in the main event of UFC on Fuel 3 May 15 at the Patriot Center in Fairfax, Virginia.